#i bet you a hundred dollars that later patch shows up at their door to stare the entire family down
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Inktober day two: Guns
Prompt list by @totallyevan, here ;3c
me, realizing I have consistently forgotten to put my work on tumblr and that a bunch of drabbles have been rotting in my google docs (though admittedly only up to 4th bc my weekend was hectic af - I’ll try play catch up with the others but HERE WE GO)
His hands are sticky. Sticky and wet and slippery. He wants desperately to wipe his hands on his shirt, on a towel, on anything - but then he’d have to put down the gun that is pointed shakily at the man who has his arm wrapped around Klaus’s neck.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was just supposed to be a dumb outing with his idiot brother so that he would shut up about waffles while he was trying to work. He’d gotten Klaus to promise to not bother him in his room for an entire week if he just went with him to the hole in the wall diner that Klaus insisted was the best in the world.
Who the fuck robbed a shitty diner?
It had been three guys, and Five had noticed them from the moment they entered, seeing the glint of sunlight on gunmetal. His first immediate thought was that it was the Commission, because who else would show up in this random place at a time that just happens to be when Five is present? And he assumes that the Commission doesn’t want too much collateral damage - they waited for the tow truck driver to leave and Agnes to be in the back room before confronting him.
It’s only three guys, not the massive hit squad that invaded the concert hall. There was to be some measure of subtlety if they don’t want to draw too much attention to themselves.
But he assumes wrong.
The lead guy swing his gun up and shoots at the ceiling, making everyone panic. Five reacts automatically, grabbing Klaus and bodily shoving him down under the table. Klaus gives a cry of surprise, and pain where he smacks forehead and elbows against the table and seat, but Five doesn’t care about that right now. He just reacts.
He jumps to the lead goon, and grabs the gun to wrench up and away. The butt of the gun slams into the guy’s face, bone crunching and blood flying. Five broke his nose. The guy stumbles away. Five doesn’t have time to address that before the second guy is on him.
The rifle Five has in his hands is big and dramatic, but not exactly handy for close quarter combat. To be fair, no guns are handy for close quarter combat, which was exactly why Five generally preferred to fight that way. But it’s at least handy as a weird shaped baton which Five slams into the stomach of the second guys and makes him double over.
The first guy recovered and Five bring up the rifle again to slam it into the guy’s face for a second time, making him stumble backwards with both hands over his face with a shout. With the extra room it’s easier to bring up the gun and shoot the second guy in the leg.
The first guy gets his hands on the gun and pulls, and Five doesn’t bother to try and overpower him. The dude is big and muscular, and Five is a scrawny teen. He’s well aware of his strengths and weaknesses. He fights smarter, not harder.
The guy stumbles back, not expecting the lack of resistance. Five takes this wonderful opportunity to grab one of the little diner forks that fell to the floor in the initial panic of the men entering. In Five’s opinion it’s a handier weapon that the gun - more versatile.
Five surges forward and lashes out, burying the fork into the leader’s shoulder. It has the added bonus of the guy dropping the gun with a howl, hand going to the fork and wrenching it out. Weaponized, the guy lurches towards Five.
And Five? He jumps. He snags another fork off a nearby table and pops up behind the guy and buries a second fork in the guy’s junction between shoulder and neck and twists before stooping and scooping up the gun again.
He points it at the two and they raise their hands in surrender, but then he hears a cough behind him and remembers that there were three guys.
Five turns, and the third guy has his arm wrapped around Klaus’s neck, a handgun pointed at Five’s brother’s temple with a hand that shakes.
“D-drop the gun!” The new guy shouts, voice cracking in his nervousness, “Or I shoot this guy!”
Five’s hands are covered in blood. It would be so easy to let the rifle slip from his fingers. The leader is crouched down with his two stab wounds and blood streaming down his face from a twice broken nose, the second guy is on the floor in a puddle of blood pressing his hands against the hole that Five put in his thigh.
The third guy’s hands shake, and Five watches the pointed finger twitch against the trigger with more attention than he’s given anything else today.
They’re amateurs. They’re three goons who are complete idiots for trying to rob a tiny diner in broad daylight. They don’t know what they’re doing.
Five would have preferred professionals. He knows how the Commission operates. He knows how professionals work, what they know their best options to be, what they’re likely to do next. These guys, Five can’t predict.
Five’s fingers tighten around the gun, and he doesn’t drop it.
“What?” Five calls back, arching an eyebrow. The tried and true method of being a brat. “Why would I drop my weapon? Why don’t you?”
“I- I’ll shoot this guy! You were sitting with him!” The guy sputters, looking very uncertain. Mercifully, Klaus stays silent. Whether that’s thanks to genuine intelligence or because the guy’s arm around Klaus’s neck is making it difficult to breathe is up for debate.
“You have one hostage.” Five says, nodding to Klaus, “I have two.” He gestures with the rifle towards the two goons who flinch away. “And both of these idiots are in need of medical attention, but if you drop the gun and don’t fuck with anyone else, then I don’t care what happens to you guys and I’ll stop attacking.”
“I have more that one hostage! I have the rest of the diner! I can just start shooting!” The idiot argues, taking the gun from Klaus’s temple to wave in the air to punctuate his point. It makes Five relax at least a tiny bit.
“A hostage is a person I care about saving.” Five tells the man bluntly, “There’s only one of those in here.”
Silence follows that statement. Some civilians are looking at him in shock, but honestly Five doesn’t care about them. He can’t care about them. If he looks too closely at people, he starts remembering bodies and trying to match faces to corpses. If he looks too closely, he starts thinking about the innocents he killed and the families and the bystanders and everything else he keeps locked inside of a little box in his heart.
He cares about seven whole people in the universe, and those people are his siblings and his mother.
It’s quick after that. The guy reads Five’s sincerity in his eyes, his lack of regard for the lives of the men behind him. Five only refrained from killing them because he was pretty sure they weren’t Commission agents and he didn’t want to have to deal with another one of Luther’s ‘murder is bad’ lectures. He surrenders, dropping the gun to the floor with a clatter and running over to his fellow robbers, pressing his hands against the wounds to keep pressure on.
Five doesn’t have time to wait for the sirens he can hear approaching. He hands his gun to the nearest civilian and jumps next to his brother.
“Come on Klaus,” He says urgently, tugging his brother’s elbow to steer them towards the back door. After seeing Five fight two adult men and stab one with forks, no one stops them.
Klaus follows easily. Way too easily. They make it all the way out the door before Klaus seems to reboot and bursts out with a loud, “You care about me!”
A quick glance reveals that Klaus is making the sappiest face Five has ever seen. He has to nip this in the bud. “No. I just don’t want to have to explain to Diego about how your idiocy finally got you murdered.”
“You said you care about me!” Klaus crows loudly, making Five hiss because quite frankly he’s still covered in blood and the only reason he isn’t just chain jumping home is because that would mean abandoning Klaus. “You said I was the only person you cared about in the diner!”
“I care about Mom’s disappointed face.” Five shoots back, dragging Klaus down another alley. “Though I’m caring less and less the more you open your mouth.”
“Hold up hold up!” Klaus cries, digging in his heels and bringing them both to a stop. He gives Five a critical once over, pursing his lips at the state of his brother. He looks like, well, like he’s been in a fight to the death with two armed robbers. “We need to do something about this if we don’t want to be stopped on the way home.”
Five scowls darkly. He really should just ditch Klaus and jump home, it’s the simplest and easiest solution. But for some reason, he can’t quite bring himself to let go of Klaus’s elbow that he’d been using to drag his taller sibling around by.
He startles badly when something brushes against his face, before realizing it’s Klaus scrubbing one of the sleeves on his black jacket over the blood splatter on Five’s cheek. Klaus hushes him, scrubbing harder.
It makes Five pull away, baring his teeth as he jumps and reappears a few feet away. He gets a certain amount of satisfaction watching Klaus almost overbalance - that’s what he gets for treating Five like a child.
Klaus huffs like Five is the one being unreasonable here.
Five is really giving some serious consideration to just jumping home by himself when Klaus starts stripping in the middle of the alley. Five gives his brother a face that clearly indicates his question of what the fuck.
This face becomes even more pronounced when Klaus thrusts his jacket out in Five’s direction.
After a solid minute of Five and Klaus staring at each other, Klaus sighs deeply. “Wear the jacket. It’s big enough to cover your shirt and hands which, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but your entire torso kind of looks like you just auditioned for a shitty slasher film.”
Five can’t… exactly argue with that reasoning. He scowls, and snatches the jacket away and shrugging it on. It fits okay around the shoulders - Klaus is a skinny bastard - but it’s way too long and the sleeves go well past his hands. This is what they need, yes, but it makes Five feel like a little kid playing dress up which he’s not exactly appreciative of. He can’t even hike the sleeves up because, as Klaus so gracefully pointed out, his hands are covered in blood.
He deals with this by shoving his hands in the pockets, extra sleeve length and all, and vividly picturing stabbing Klaus in the face when he coos over his smaller brother.
“I hate you so much.” Five informs his brother, “Let’s just go.”
“Aw,” Klaus clasps his hands together and presses them to his cheek, gazing at Five like he just proclaimed his love for puppies. “I love you, too.”
#inktober#tua inktober#tua#the umbrella academy#the umbrella academy inktober#number five#five hagreeves#klaus hargreeves#some chaotic brother bonding#five wishes all people were professional bc at least then he could count on them not making idiot choices#you bet that five is going to reconsider his stance on killing people even if they aren't commission agents sorry @ luther#but like if he was allowed to use lethal force he would have slaughtered all three dudes in like a heartbeat#i bet you a hundred dollars that later patch shows up at their door to stare the entire family down#as she tells them eyewitnesses indicated a scrawny teenager who came in with a scrawny adult went full terminator on some robbers#all while staring five down#five has already washed all the blood off him and burned his shirt to get rid of the evidence#so he just sticks his nose in the air and denies everything#klaus was probably freaked out after the thing happened#but honestly fussing over five and teasing him does wonders for Klaus's processing#if five knew that he'd probably tolerate it a bit better#but also maybe not
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The sexual tourettes one was my favorite. So hot.
A shy girl and a very not-shy prostitute find their personalities are slowly swapping
You got it buddy!
Saveta sat behind her counter and thumbed through a book, dying for a customer to come into her shop. She never understood why she couldn’t drum up more business, she’d been at this for over a hundred years so you’d think she would’ve figured it out by now. She sighed and her heavy breasts stretched the top of her dress and she rested her chin in her palm. She hated reading but she needed to do more of it, but she never felt like she understood the subtext or anything like that. Just then she heard her bell ring and she looked up at the door with an excited smile.
A young woman entered the shop this time. She stepped gingerly and avoided the worn out section of the floor, it was easy for her since her eyes never left the ground. She styled her hair long and it helped to obscure her face quite a bit but Saveta could she wore glasses and was likely much prettier than she thought she was. She wore a grey sweater thick enough that it gave no indication of her body shape. Coupled with demure posture she gave nothing away about herself at all. “Hello,” Saveta said, “welcome to Saveta’s curio shop! I’m the owner so if you need anything just let me know.” The girl nodded and gave a cursory glance to every shelf she passed.
After about fifteen minutes she balled her fists and walked up to Saveta. “Um…excuse me, but…do you maybe have like…a…necklace or…something? It’s ok if you don’t.” She never once made eye contact and Saveta thought she was so cute she almost started petting her. “As a matter of fact I do,” she said, “Just wait right there Alice and I’ll be back in a minute.” After that, she left behind a curtain into a back room. ‘How did she know my name?’ Alice thought. She was internally debating whether to leave or not. Jewelry was so expensive though and maybe this place was a little cheaper. She just wanted to break out of her shell a little and some nice jewelry might be a conversation starter.
Saveta came out of the backroom a second later holding a small box. “I think this particular item will suit you nicely.” She opened the box and pulled out a solid gold chain with a yin-yang symbol attached to it. Alice didn’t understand but her eyes were immediately drawn to it and it was a struggle to look away. “This is a nice little item, it was made in the—” Alice reached up and snatched the necklace from the woman’s hands and wrapped it around her neck. “I’ll take it,” she said taken aback by her boldness. The transaction was simple after that, Alice was shocked that this woman only wanted thirty dollars for it but didn’t ask questions. Saveta walked the girl out and reminded her to come back again soon. When she was out of sight the smile fell from her face and she cursed herself, she absolutely hated that she could only sell an item for whatever the person could afford. Whoever thought up that stupid rule? But she went back to her shop and her mind wandered to that shy girl. ‘She’ll be fine, all the necklace does is draw people to it. As long as she doesn’t give the other half away nothing would go wrong,’ she thought.
Alice was walking back toward her usual haunts when she slammed into a woman coming from the other direction. “What the hell you stupid bitch! Watch where the fuck you’re going!” The woman yelling at her was tall and had dyed platinum blonde hair. She stood on seven-inch heels and her skirt and tube top were barely preserving any what little modesty this woman had left. She removed a new cigarette from her purse and took a long drag from it. “What’s wrong? You looking to score little lady? It’s all yours for a hundred dollars a pop, haha!” she said accentuating her curves with her hands. Alice turned crimson and sat up as quickly as possible and left, walking as briskly as she could. Crystal hated girls like her, stuck up and scared of her own shadow. All the little brat needs it a pipe to suck on and she’d be fine.
She was about to move along and look for a John when she spotted a bit of gold on the ground. She picked up the simple chain and saw a cute looking symbol on it. It kinda looked like a white boob with a black nipple, without a second thought she wrapped the chain around her neck and found she liked the way it nestled into her cleavage. She looked over her shoulder to make sure that mousy bitch wasn’t coming to claim it and went to look for someone to milk her money from, neither one of the women noticed that their halves of the necklace took on a subtle glow.
Alice continued to walk to her favorite hang out at the Tardis bookstore, it was a Tuesday so she was excited to see what new books had released today. It hardly seemed abnormal, but for some reason, Alice had decided to wear her hair back. She walked in and immediately said hello to the manager Donald. Donald had worked at this store for six years and he had seen Alice come in at least three times a week every week and she had never once said hello to him, he absentmindedly waved to her. Alice was feeling an uncharacteristic skip in her step as she perused the shelves for anything that tickled her fancy. It was then that she spotted Tim in the corner checking out the new Thor comics, typical that now Thor is a chick he’s suddenly interested.
She had a thought then, she spent all her money on the necklace but there were quite a few books she wanted that came out today, but Tim always had plenty of scratch with him. She turned her back to him and took off her sweater, releasing her full DD-cups that stretched the fabric of her shirt. It was funny, she always hated wearing revealing clothes before, she just didn’t like the idea of being objectified but now she didn’t seem to mind the idea at all. She sauntered over to Tim holding her little stack and pressed her breasts into his back, “Hey Timmy, you liking your book there?” Tim spun around and was amazed to see Alice dressed like she was, he had never seen her in anything except her sweater but now that he could see her incredible tits he felt his blood rush around his groin. “Um…yeah, it’s uh, its ok. How are you?” Tim waffled. “I’m ok, I guess,” Alice said, her arms clasped behind her as she rotated her chest back and forth for him, “I’m just a little down that I don’t have the money to buy these books here today…”
“R…really? I mean…I could buy them for you, ya know. If that’s ok?”
“I don’t know, I’m not sure I could take advantage of you like that Timmy.”
“It’s no problem, really. I was thinking of getting some of those too. Who knows? Maybe I could come over and borrow them sometime? Tim said, sweating bullets and too caught up in Alice’s tits to realize he’s just about to pop a hole in his jeans.
“Maybe, or you could just come over tonight and let me suck your big cock as a thank you?” Alice had a slight blush on her cheeks, she was so happy she found the courage to be so forward with someone. Tim seemed to lose his balance for a second when she said that and she looked down and saw a small wet patch on the front of his khaki pants.
“Y…ye…yeah. That’d be uh cool. I’ll just go and pay for these.” He said avoiding eye contact and grabbing her things for her. She followed him to the register and watched as Donald rang him up. She was about to leave with her ill-gotten gains when she had another idea. She turned around and walked over to Donald and said: “Hey Don, I think I’ve got a fun idea for a job you could give me.”
Crystal felt off ever since that mousy bitch bumped into her. She had no idea how to explain it, she felt like she was showing way, way too much skin and she just felt so anxious. She remembered ladies she read about in books that hooked and she didn’t recall them having to show so much. She liked it when she left the house this morning so why did it bother her now. Her frustration was manifesting itself as fidgeting and she refused to stop much to the annoyance of the other girls. Her hands were alternating between trying to cover her big fake breasts or her bottom and especially her crotch. What made her pick a skirt that was so small? Every single person who walked by took a look at her. Before she enjoyed it but now it was like she could hear every single person's judgments of her. ‘What a slut’, ‘bet she’s cheap’, those clothes are gross’, ‘she’s not pretty enough to be out here’, all of these were playing on repeat in the poor girl's mind as the potential business pasted her by and she thanked God she never got picked. It reminded her of high school when she prayed that the teacher wouldn’t call on her to give the presentation that she never did.
But a moment before she could no longer take it and left, a car pulled up beside her and a man rolled down the window. “Evening, are you…uh, are you free tonight?” Crystal froze, she was paralyzed with anxiety but reflex kicked in and she shakily nodded her head. He looked at her and asked, “Is this your first time working?” Crystal didn’t want to tell him that she was a pro who had the yips or whatever was going on so she just went with it and continued to nod her head. “Ha, me too. So, would you like to come in?” Crystal said nothing and just operated on autopilot as she walked like a zombie around to the other side of the man’s car. Her eyes never strayed from facing forward as she sat next to him. He whole body trembled and she tried will herself to discuss her fee, but no words at all seemed to come from her. “Are you nervous?” He said, his voice was filled with genuine concern. “My name is Michael, what’s yours?” Crystal tried to swallow her anxiety as best she could and she managed to weakly croak out “C…c…crystal.”
Michael made no move to touch the nervous woman, he wasn’t even sure what to do himself. He had never paid for sex before but the loneliness had gotten to him and desperate times and all that. The humanitarian in him though compelled him to help this poor girl. “You know, I don’t really think I need…uh, your services right now. But how about I take you to dinner? My treat of course.” Crystal had never met a John that was so nice, she couldn’t take advantage but she was still too nervous to speak and before she could find the words they were off to a really nice street side restaurant.
Three months later…
Crystal walked down the street in her thick fleece coat and her skirt fell to about halfway down her calfs. She was still way too nervous to make eye contact with anyone and bumped into a few people, but thanks to her new boyfriend Michael she was making a lot of progress. She was very happy he liked her but all the self-doubt and insecurity never seemed to leave her. She was walking past a bookshop when a wall of people blocked her path. The bookstore was overcrowded and a line was trying to form on the street. She was too timid to try and make her way through so she merely waited until an opening was made. She looked into the store and saw what all the fuss was about. There was one of those cosplay girls in there and it looked like she was signing autographs or posing for pictures or something.
She looked almost familiar but her costume mad it had to tell. She wore a blood red singlet and some kind of armor on her arms and legs. The singlet was really tight and it made her boobs look really huge and it looked like it ran all the way in between her butt cheeks, making her look almost naked with how flushed it was to her skin. She turned to face the window and Crystal turned red as she saw the incredibly obvious camel toe the girl had. Space had finally opened for her and she darted past the crowd. She remembered when she wore revealing clothes like that without crying, she wished she was as confident as that girl.
The end. Hope Y'all like it!
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