in my kaeya feels this morning so i’m re–reading my disgustingly self–indulgent selfship fics of him 🥲

Liiiiv, guess who’s back 😂 It’s drunk anon! And guess what…. I’m drunk again! I’m such a wreck haha. I love that this has become a literal ritual of mine that when I get back to my apartment after a night out, I sit and take my makeup off and slide into your inbox 😂

Wowee what a night. I went from a dinner party, to my friends drag show, and then to the clubs because I was indeed in the mood to shake my ass. Speaking of shaking ass, I was waiting in line for the bathroom at a club when Yoongi’s performance vid came out, and I had to give myself a time out because OH. MY. GOD. That man is so fine I literally have to scrunch my fists together when I talk about his fine-ness because I’m SO OVERWHELMED.

Anyways, the rest of my night was a bloody shit show. The person who I have the worlds biggest crush on (beside my crush for yoongi hehe) showed up tonight with a girl and I literally wanted to CRY when he introduced her as his girlfriend 🥲 I’m really out here feeling like the DUFF (and if you don’t know what this means, please google duff acronym meaning) - this woman is 6ft tall, a natural blonde, and is just drop dead gorgeous in all aspects. I so wish she had a shit personality so I could hate her out of immature jealously, but she is literally the sweetest person ever and we got on so well… so in reality I’m just really happy my friends found such a 10/10 lady… and now she’s a new friend of mine too, so there is my silver lining!

Honestly though, I know it’s my own fault for not voice information my feelings sooner, but I also just can’t help but be like, when is it my turn to be loved, you know? 🥹 I think that’s why I always come to your fics after my drunk antics, because I see everyone go home with their loved ones and I just plod off by myself… I’m the definition of someone who’s never alone, because I’ve built myself such a good network of friends and communities and what not, but at the end of the day coming home to an empty house and going to bed by myself, I’m definitely a bit lonely. I’m never too bothered by it, but tequila certainly heightens my emotional side 😂

Anywho. Onwards and upwards! Tomorrow is a new day and I have my happiness and my health, and all the rest will fall in to place one day! In the meantime I will go to bed with my hash browns, and continue to find my pockets of comfort in Joon writing his letters to Daisy starting with ‘My dearest girl’ 😭

Goodnight Liv! (Even though it’s 6am where I am and probably like 10am where you are lollllll) 💙💙💙

Omg hiiii!!! I too love that this has become a ritual for you <3 I'm honored lol. The night actually sounds so fun, I'm glad you had a good time... you know, up until the :( sads hit. You are not a duff, I don't even need to see you to know that. This girl can be gorgeous but that doesn't make you less gorgeous. I'm sorry that this happened though, I know it sucks. Just let it suck for a bit and hopefully day by day it'll start sucking less and less. It's cool that she was nice, new friends are always great!

I love that you expressed your emotions and then worked yourself through them in this ask WHILE DRUNK might I add lol. You sound so mature, it's so cute. I know the feeling of going home alone and yeah :/ kind of the fucking worst. But it won't always be like that. And I know that bc you're lovely and you'll attract the energy you put out. So therefore, I just know you'll meet someone lovely too and you two will be lovely together and it will all have been worth the wait. And even if you don't meet anyone deserving of you, that's ok bc you have your damn self and you're lovely, remember? Also it's really cool that you have a solid group of people in your life, that's something that definitely should not be taken for granted bc it can be quite rare (not that you're taking it for granted, I'm just saying like good on you for building those relationships, you're doing great sweetie!)

Ugh Joon and Daisy- that's the kind of relationship you deserve, my love <3 Good... afternoon?? I think? It's 8 pm here so it's probably what, around 2 pm there? Idk, I'm shit at time conversion but yeah, good evening from me 🧡