Hey I've been mutuals with you and your butch for a long time, but I'm bigender man + woman, is it okay if I continue following, or would you prefer I softblock? My gender makes seeing "men dni" and "woman dni" blogs really confusing because I never know if its supposed to apply to me, so I figured I would just ask ❤️

this is going to be kind of long answer - this is loaded and i want to give some perspective so I'm putting it under a read more so it doesnt clog up anyone's feed. also recommend reading the tags cause i ended up putting some footnotes in there lmao

so first things first: even tho my butch and i are married i dont speak for her. we hold very similar thoughts and views (bc i would not be with her otherwise) but ultimately I speak for me only. if you want to ask her something, ask her directly please. this isnt @ u anon, this is a general disclaimer bc its actually a very big pet peeve of mine that ppl expect me to talk for her since we are together. we are whole ass individuals and yes we are building a life together but that doesnt mean we have the same brain or the same exact reasoning for things.

as for the "men DNI" part: this, along with all other DNIs of mine, is a boundary that i choose if and when to enforce. my boundaries for followers are all pretty much public somehow. my personal reasoning for using "men dni" in my bio, like many other kinky nsfw dyke blogs on this website, is that i want to discourage as many men as possible from trying to interact with me here in the quickest way possible bc this is my silly little space where i can explore my sexual fantasies and those do not include men and i largely do not feel comfortable with men following me or interacting with these parts of myself (key word here being largely, this will come up later). this is similar to my "[specific kinks] DNI" - these are boundaries that are my responsibility to enforce as i deem fit.

that being said i do check for age/gender/etc in each blog that i notice trying to following me and, in that moment, handle it according to my needs. and sometimes that means that i decide to reject my own boundaries and allow certain ppl into my little space and sometimes enter theirs as well. i take an approach to social media where i tend to watch who interacts with me bc this is my space and, just like I'm not letting anyone into my home, im not just gonna let anyone follow me. i do risk assessments in every part of my life and that includes my online experience.

i also am aware gender is complicated. i mean i am literally an intersex transmasc femme who takes T on and off, uses "masculine" language often, etc. i get its way more complicated than "man/woman" so thats why if you look at my pinned (which has a short list of things ppl will be blocked for separate from my DNIs) you'll see that gender identity does not come up there aside from the pls dni of MLM bc ive had some gay guys interact and i prefer it not happen but also sometimes it happens 🤷🏽

basically the shortest answer is: if u are bigender and not just following me but we've been mutuals for a long time chances are i checked ur blog and felt comfortable with having an online relationship of some kind with you. if you are uncomfortable following me because I have that in my bio i literally do not care if you soft block me or even full block me. take care of yourself how you need to. breaking mutualship literally has no effect on my day to day life unless we have become genuine friends outside of this space - but i am assuming we haven't considering this question is (1) even being asked and (2) being asked on anon