I have the second of the worst exams ever tomorrow and I SHould be studying and making more notes for it rn, but instead I can barely focus bcs my brain's being squeezed into a pulp in my head with the migraine that's been inching on me since yesterday's evening. I hate it here ;_;

Any wayz!!!!¡! i recently unearthed a fic i half finished where kaoru goes into a depressive episode and locks himself in his room, similar to the concept we were talking about before. except hikaru, after trying lots of things to get him to communicate, just starts writing letters and pushing them under his door daily. its easier for him than talking out loud bc it feels less lonely than talking to himself outside kaoru's door.

anyway the letters tell kaoru about whats happening outside and in the host club, messages from the others, telling him how much hikaru misses him. and sometimes hikaru will draw him a little story comic of one of his stories to make kaoru smile, even though he's kinda trash at drawing. hikaru can only hope kaoru isn't just throwing them out, since he pours all his heart into each one.

and kaoru does read them. even though they break his heart. so sometimes he sees hikaru push one under the door and will just stare at it from his bed, sometimes not going to get it for hours at a time, scared to read it because of how emotional it'll make him. seeing how much effort and care hikaru puts into every single one, his attempts to make him smile, to make sure kaoru is updated about everything going on and the events of each day (even the silly things), to writing messages from the club word for word. its how hikaru shows his love and support.

it hurts kaoru that hikaru's still putting so much effort into making him happy after all kaoru's efforts to fade from his life, but he loves him for it at the same time. its just like hikaru, isn't it? to be so stubborn that even after weeks of not hearing a word back from his brother, that he would still put 100% effort into his letters? even with no guarantee kaoru's even reading them at all?

a part of kaoru, the part he'd been trying to squash down since he started this whole plan, hopes he'll never stop sending them. that hikaru won't ever give up on him.

maybe i should finish the fic,, didn't have many hopes for it but after writing all this,.... hmmm..

ANON!!!! THIS IDEA.... I LOVE stationary in stories. smth about a story told thru letters. MAGNIFICENT. (btw, if you ever finish that fic, i'd LOVE to read it. Love me some kaoru angst)

Hikaru always puts 100% into his letters, like you said. It's a little hard for him, because he's not a writer. Not only is he simply not great with his words, but he hates physically writing. He's super impatient and he feels he can't get the words out on the paper fast enough, so he prefers typing bc it's faster (im projecting) and of course, kaoru knows this. which is why it's extra special receiving a daily letter from him.

Each letter starts out the same. A basic how are you doing? Are you okay? I hope you're okay. I miss you a lot. And then Hikaru begins to give a detailed explanation about his whole day.

He'd talk about school- "We started reading Soseki's "the gate" in our literature class. It seems like something you'd like. In fact, I'm sure you've read it before" "we're prepping for an English test. It's so hard!!! I'm no good at English like you are. People say Japanese is harder than English, but I say that's just not true. At least Japanese makes SENSE!!!" "Today in math we're starting a new unit on grid transformations. Remember when he briefly covered them in middle school and you hated it?? You've always sucked at math, haha! Dw, I'll do your homework for you :) just do my English, kay?"

Of course, he'd talk about the host club the most. I think Hikaru probably became less of a host and more of a helper once Kaoru stopped coming to school in general. He can't ever get used to being a solitary host; he hates being alone. So, instead, everyday he spends it hanging around a different host, sometimes contributing to the conversation but mostly just helping out. Sitting next to Tamaki or Haruhi, standing next to Kyoya, sitting across from Hani and Mori. Of course he'd mention each letter how much the Host club misses Kaoru, and how everyone always asks how he's doing.

"Today I spent the day with Hani-senpai. I just brought him sweets n stuff. The guy ate 5 bowls of ice cream in fifteen minutes. FIVE!!! and he didn't get brain freeze!!! what is he!?!?" "I hung out with Haruhi for the host club today. I almost fell asleep because her conversations are soooo boring. but also, that could just be because I haven't been getting good sleep lately. it's hard to sleep without you and without knowing youre okay. ugh, i should have said that at the host club today as my excuse. i think the guests would have loved it, haha" "I spent the day with Renge out of curiosity. I always wondered what she does at our club the whole time... draw doujins and craft merchandise, it seems. I guess Kyoya-senpai put her to it. by the way, if we were animals, what animals would we be? i said fox but maybe wolf too... Renge said she saw us as hedgehogs"

And then, he'd end off every letter with a drawing/comic. Something to cheer Kaoru up. He'd also include extra paper if Kaoru ever wanted to write back... he hasn't yet, but Hikaru still hopes.

The idea gave me ~inspo~ so I drew a shitty cringe little comic in the style I think Hikaru would draw/write in... it's based off one of their stories Hikaru made up as a kid called "fox through time" in which a genius fox (named Dr. Foxtor) creates a time machine, intending to rewrite the past. In the original story, her future self comes back to the exact moment she finishes her time machine to stop her, and then there's some epic battle, but Hikaru made a parody comic in hopes to make Kaoru laugh....

ID in alt and under read more

A 6 panel crudely drawn comic on notebook paper. The first panel shows a doctor fox in a labcoat with a remote. "Finally!!! I have made my time machine! All I have to do is press the button…"

The second panel depicts a second fox in a black hoodie and glasses. She is pointing at the doctor fox, who looks shocked. "STOP!! I have come to prevent my mistakes…"

The third panel has the doctor fox exclaim, "Whoa! It's me from the future… That means my machine works!! Wait…"

The doctor fox then points and asks, "What is the most popular official Cinderella game in the future?"

In the fifth panel, the future fox looks thoughtful. She says, "Umm… well, there is just the one on GBA…"

The final panel depicts the doctor fox in the air mid-jump, throwing her remote on the ground and smashing it to pieces in a blind rage, exclaiming an angry "AUGHH"

Ah thank you! I like think I'm good with English but the struggle of being bilingual and your brain just likes to give you a blue screen error and you sit there wondering what the word is in either language lol (I have respect for people that know like 4!) But yeppers, welcome to my family where we do things slightly last minute and then there is chaos in the kitchen xD 10/10 fun times

Right!? Like I remember he was like this small lil bean that was like a puppy, wouldn't hurt a fly and then suddenly he just had a pokemon evolution moment going from charmander to charzard in like God knows when lolol of course im not saying thats a bad thing, I just find the character development so funny, like it happened right under our noses and honestly good for him! Love his chaotic, talented self. Same, same. I do like to be slightly up to date with my favs but I only have recently been more deeper into the moa fandom if you will? So I am aware of some stuff like I know kai participated in some song making for their recent album and it makes me feel happy seeing them take on producing or writing because hey, that shiz isn't easy! Even they didn't, doesn't mean txt aren't talented! (Like their dancing alone can knock me out to the moon like who debuts with songs like crown, blue orangeade AND cat and dog and make the dancing look smooth!? Kings only)

Tldr stan txt for a better life *sips tea*

But yes I did! I wanted to get a good start ahead because I am sadly a lazy potato and didn't want to have things last minute and not have your gift be nice :c so I worked on it Sunday all night with my intel and it is saved, ready to be posted. I won't say much other than that, you sadly must wait until Christmas. But...but *blushies* pleassee no omg I am a simple potato! Hdhahshs I am not worthy of such kind words, if anything i want to shower you with kind words because its been super fun talking with ya! Like it is my 3rd year joining stuff like this but I never chatted so much with someone and I am very happy because like I am talking with an awesome sauce person! I mean, this blog alone is fabulous (I just realized your name is beomgyu but backward hjshdjs genius omg) so I hope we can chit chat after this in the future auggie (I hope I spelled your name correctly? Please slap me with a fish if not jdjsjds)

i wish i still had it in me to learn a second language not gonna lie hskfhks i remember the basics of spanish from 3 years of classes but like.. i wish i could pick it up and learn more but idk it's harder for me now not to mention the very, very little and basic korean i taught myself LMAO so the fact u can speak two languages is awesome ! and it seems to me ur english is rlly rlly good, honestly would've assumed it was ur first language if u hadnt said anything bc of how good it is

a pokemon evolution but beomgyu version please hskfjsl u explained it so perfectly with just that BUT YEAH i still can't believe that that was their debut like wow.. the songs down to the choreo.. they rlly set the bar high for themselves and they've done nothing but surpass it each time and yeah i like to keep up to date if i can, and i've been doing a better job lately but i just love so many groups it can be difficult and then stuff starts to slip thru the cracks yknow? but i'm out here. trying my best regardless. it also doesnt help that i.. dont like to read things hslfsjjf so like,, if there’s a written post update and it's longer than like, 4 big paragraphs i probably wont read it and one day that will be the death of me bc i'll miss something really important or something

ok ok i'm like.. almost half way done with mine now after starting it hskfhks i'm pretty quick but somehow i didn't notice how close the deadlines were ??? i think it's just bc i've been doing so much but eh it's ok,, wouldnt be the first time i procrastinated smth important on accident skfhsk and its ok, i'm willing to wait !! i am super excited and looking forward to see what u made tho!!! but oooh ok so u've done this kind of gift making stuff before, and u must like it to keep doing it right? i think i'm just discovering my love to gift people things this year lol i might just keep making gifts throughout the year for everybody bc i just.. wanna give stuff to people it makes me happy i've noticed and lmao ur not the only one who took a min to realize it was beomgyu backwards, but i too thought it was kinda genius ngl

:(((( yes pls i would love to keep talking to u after and u rlly just proved my point by saying everything u did, like u genuinely may be one of the sweetest people i've ever talked to <3 and yeah dw u got my name right!! even if u spelled it wrong big deal it wont bother me, call me whatever and i'll accept it hskfhsk

heyy! it's been a long time so hopefully you still remember me. anyway, i had exams and then enrollment and no free time at all, but now classes started last week and finally i've found the time to watch ocean waves. you said i could give you a spoiler-free review so i'll just say that i really loved it. it reminded me a little of whisper of the heart, though i'm not sure why, the plot is nothing alike. it's about a friendship and it's a love story (in my opinion in that particular order). there's this hand-in-unlovable-hand element, but you know, it's an animated movie for kids 7+. i'd give it at least 14/15+, but that's just me. but you know, really it's about three idiots and i love all three of them, and the secondary characters are all amazing as well. there was this one scene that i saw on tumblr awhile back and i thought it was from sailor moon, but it turns out it's ocean waves so i suppose it's either that animation was similar or maybe because they're both from the 90s and set in the 90s so the aesthetics is similar. anyway, i'm sorry if that's too vague (or too specific), hopefully you'll get around watching the movie yourself and then you'll see for yourself whether you like it. the next one on my list is only yesterday. how's sailor moon going for you? and i mean, in general, i hope things are well!

hello of course i remember you!!! it's wonderful to hear from you again <3 i’m sorry for the late response, work has been kicking my ass lately :<

it’s awesome to hear how much you liked ocean waves, i’ve been meaning to watch it for so long! hopefully over thanksgiving i can get some new ghibli and some more sailor moon in! tbh we’ve been taking a bit of a hiatus from it bc it’s really hard to watch videos over zoom with my bf’s awful awful wifi where he lives, but i really wanna get back into everything soon. this is only semi-related but recently i’ve started a sort of scrapbooking journal where i use printed images and stationery (stickers, washi tape, stuff like that) to make spreads about shows and movies and games i like, i’ve already made spreads for totoro, kiki, and mononoke!! it’s been a great non-screen-based way to pass the time in the evenings if my eyes are too dry from wearing contacts all day or smth. if you’re into crafts it could be a fun thing to try out!!

i hope you’re doing well :D