#holding incandescent light pdwm
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I've got a little bit of that Joyce future pdwm fic written (to follow up on Iconoclast), and ngl, it is very much sadder and more upsetting than pretty much all of Jonathan's stuff in pdwm. Not in, like, a grossly exploitative or overwrought way, I hope. Just that I gave her some pretty heavy shit to sort out, and I want to give her room to explore that properly, so she's in a very sad situation because I've got this dual narrative (past & present) + an epistolary component going on. (I know, I'm overly complicating this, but trust me, it makes sense in context.)
There's a lot of good stuff, too! She's actually in a pretty good place in the future narrative, and even the heavy parts of it aren't, like... overwhelmingly so, I hope? She's working toward good stuff.
But yeah.
#writing tag#please don't wake me series#holding incandescent light pdwm#i needed to show what she had going on#and i wanted to show the maneuvering she did and coping strategies she used just like i did for jonathan#since i've given them pretty clear parallels in this series#but while jonathan's maneuvering and coping are a little sad but mostly understandable and not terrible#joyce's are extremely sad because she's actively navigating an ongoing abuse situation & trying to avoid further misery#her choices are not great but she chooses the ones she hates less every time#and mostly she's just trying not to be home as much as possible#all of which puts her in a really shitty and vulnerable position#i'm still trying to decide how much lonnie needs to be in the past narrative
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Okay, the Joyce future fic officially has a theme-consistent title (holding incandescent light), so it's actually happening lol. She's gonna go to school, pack up the house to move out to the east coast to be with her kids and apply to grad school, and do some serious reflection.
#please don't wake me series#holding incandescent light pdwm#ngl there's a confrontation with lonnie he'll be lucky to make it out of alive#but what did he expect coming to her with his hand out because he heard she's making a few $ off the house
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Okay, so, like, Joyce's past narrative in hil: Joyce hates her mom. Joyce hangs out with boys to avoid being home and deploys convoluted strategies to guide these encounters--because she doesn't have any girl friends because girls aren't nice to her. Joyce is trying to figure out how to realistically get out of her mom's house and meets Lonnie. Joyce's relationship with her body and her sexuality is very not good.
Joyce in the future narrative in hil: Joyce is selling the house to move closer to her boys back east, and Lonnie hears about it and wants a cut. She's living with Hopper, who's now a PI, but they're not actually together, just kind of sleeping together sometimes. She's gearing up to apply to grad schools to get a MSW, but in the meantime she's finishing her undergrad and taking a class on personal narrative writing (because the creative writing class was full). She's finally exploring her sexuality on her own terms. She's still seeing a therapist and working through her trauma. She still dreams about murdering Lonnie for how he treated her kids (and there is A Confrontation about this).
The epistolary part: Joyce's personal narrative, during which she lies to herself by writing the narrative she wishes she had, then keeps rewriting it, slightly more honestly every time, until finally she can admit on paper what happened to her and how it's affected her.
Because I'm nothing if not overambitious.
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I've sort of been deliberating on how much Lonnie really needs to be in the past narrative of Joyce's story, but it's starting to seem like he really does need to be there. Which I guess will sort of dovetail the future narrative, anyway, where he also shows up (but this time Joyce hates him). (Joyce is, of course, entitled to hate him for how he treated her, but most of her grievances are related to what he did to her kids because that upsets her more and because she still feels guilty about it.)
But this does mean that I have to show why young Lonnie would have been attractive to Joyce and what could have compelled her to throw in with him. Which means he's gotta be somewhat charming and viable as a romantic prospect, or at least not as obviously the massive asshole we know him to be.
But it's fine. He's appalling enough in the future narrative that I'm not overly worried about him coming across like too decent a guy in the past.
(Spoilers below cut. I'm spitballing ideas. Warnings for mention of uncomfortable sexual situations and panic attacks.)
I'm thinking currently that they've got kind of a flirtatious thing going on for a while. They eyefuck a lot, but she's a little intimidated by him. He very obviously just wants to fuck her, but she finds it kind of refreshing that he's so transparent about it, since the guys she's usually hanging out with also mostly just want to fuck her, but they go through this whole song and dance. She spends a lot of time and energy navigating these social situations (and frequently this involves negotiating sexual encounters she's not super interested in, but puts up with because 1: the alternative is going home, and 2: she's lonely and at least they'll hold her and keep her company), whereas Lonnie is at least upfront about it.
So at the tail end of a very bad week (a fight with her mom, turned down from every job she's applied to so no idea how she'll pay for a room let alone school, harassment from some girls who think she's a slut and a loser, a teacher called her to task about the class she's not doing great in), Joyce has a very public panic attack at some kind of town event. I'm thinking a festival? I thought about doing a school dance, but I wasn't sure this Joyce would go to one of those. Plus Lonnie is two years older than her here and I just thought it was weird if he went to a school dance.
Anyway, Lonnie steps in and "rescues" her during said panic attack, while everyone is staring and just generally being unhelpful, and takes her somewhere private, where he's very Lonnie about it all but actually doesn't take advantage of the situation. He's not comforting. He's just... not everyone else, which is enough for her, at that moment. (The bar is very low here.) So I'm thinking that's the turning point where she decides to give it a shot with him. (I'm thinking that's the night she finally sleeps with him, and she moves in with him soon after, at which point her mom is just like, you know what, Joyce, you go fuck yourself and have a nice life, and Joyce is very same to you, bitch.)
#writing tag#holding incandescent light pdwm#please don't wake me series#i have some of his future narrative scenes written and i grossed myself out writing his dialogue if that tells you anything#it's pretty bad#i feel bad that i gave joyce such a terrible relationship with her mom#but for the purposes of this series she needed to have a shitty mom who did wrong by her#i actually think it's more likely that joyce was raised by various relatives but that didn't work as well thematically for pdwm#and just generally i don't think she had any good parental figures growing up even if they didn't suck#that woman has been through some shit and i don't think it started with lonnie#i really do love joyce though i love her a lot#just a big byers fan in general here
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So these are my main fic writing goals (none of which I'm working on again until, like... mid-December, at the earliest--I don't have the time rn and I'm way too fried to write anyway).
CAVEAT: Needless to say, this is all ridiculously ambitious and will keep me busy probably until the end of time, or at least until I get bored of something and move on (which I will, definitely). I don't anticipate keeping up this year's writing pace into next year, and even that wouldn't be enough to complete all of this particularly quickly (especially because some of these are more involved--not all, but some). Like, I really don't write fast. At all. It's an illusion. At the very least, I don't do so consistently--I do it in bursts.
pdwm 'verse:
memorized your smile lines (Jonathan at NYU--pretty ambitious, but I kind of have to write it)
holding incandescent light (Joyce working through the stuff I introduced in Iconoclast and building a future for herself, also very ambitious)
the handful of more interstitial pdwm stories that I've mentioned (all probably in 5k range, I'm guessing)
Would be awesome to finish pdwm, basically, and mark it complete.
Also:
finish the 4 prompts/requests I received for my milestone event (2 porn, 1 shippy, 1 character study) (bolded because that's up there, priority-wise)
finally write some Jargyle
finish the Carol/Nancy one
Finish Safelight (don't know if I'll post it, but either way, you'll hear about it when it's finished lol)
properly plot and finish Riptide (because I need a fun comic book sci-fi crossover in my life)
Finish And Where Do You Rest?
Finish strange is your language
Finish Rainy Day (probably won't post)
Finish In Bocca al Lupo (THG; might post, might not)
Finish that one profoundly upsetting Johanna & Finnick story that I almost certainly won't post
Finish/post something from literally any fandom other than the main ones I've been posting about lately (I do write them--I just don't seem to have finished them in a while) (I'm thinking it'll be Scrubs)
finish any of the X-Men WIPs I have (though preferably the one with 616!Cable getting whammied into the X-MCU and meeting a slightly less fucked up but deeply grieving Scott)
finish literally anything from Circadian, but preferably Ozone
write Farscape fic (because I haven't written any in years, but my feelings for Crichton and Chiana are very, very big--no, you don't understand, I love them)
finally write the fucked up Hard Core Logo porn that I've been thinking about for more than a decade
These represent a fraction of my WIP folder, but they're the ones that I think would be particularly satisfying to do.
I really cannot describe to you how many WIPs I have, for each fandom. I get, like... a lot of ideas. Sometimes I plan, sometimes I just get an impulse and start writing. There's no way I'll ever finish more than a fraction of them. Which is fine! That doesn't bother me. I'm exercising a lot of creative muscles here, so... it's pretty fun.
But, like, to be clear, I don't pressure myself about fic. If I do it, I do it; if I don't, I don't. It's not something I'm ever willing to stress or feel bad about. (Not that there's anyone out there eagerly waiting to read my work, lol. But still.)
#writing tag#writing goals#and this probably goes without saying but i really do appreciate the cheerleading#it's very sweet#i lied about not working on anything until mid-december#because technically i'm doing a missing scene from Iconoclast#but like that's not a goal just something i'm toying with in between bouts of banging my head against my thesis#and wishing my neighbors would stfu so i can get some work done#i'm gonna post at least 1 thing in december though#because i realized that i've posted something every month this year#which i've never ever done before and it's so cool that i'd like a complete set
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