#hjrambles
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LOL
If you click yer own tip button it gives you these messagss
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>:)
hello
ty for following me over on my commission art tumblr!
this is actually my preferred site atm so im really happy!
this used to be like All my art up til 2021 ish
and then i used it as a personal art space til like a month or two ago
and now it's specifically a commission art tumblr
i'll probably post comm wips and stuff here.
commission opening news i'll def post here
and ofc the usual finished comm posts!
my primary account is @walrushit
it means that if I reply to you or follow you etc, it'll show up via that username
--
oh also if yer new, here's a tumblr etiquette and history general field guide that user @kavaeric wrote: LINK
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UmU man...
Well Im kinda glad I decided to use Tumblr again frequently cause
It makes me realize how little I draw for myself cause if I drew for myself
I would post it here but...//gestures at the nothing for past two weeks
Maybe I will make it a little goal to draw myself something at least once a week
Even if it's a small doodle
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Wipes happy tear
Ppl leaving nice tags on yer art, real art fulfillment hours 🥲
#tyyyyy#hjrambles#i was actually kinda insecure about that chara page comm for my dumb brain reasons but now i feel okay about it#im trying to remember why...i think it's cause of two things which i now i realize is stupid but#1) i made 3 of the poses have like the same open mouth shape and i was like why didnt i do different mouth open shapes //sounds of crashing#2) i originally had a different idea for the partial shark transformation pose so im constantly only seeing how it falls short#but you know i now get it that it's still job well done and the nice notes really help ty :)#cant afford therapy but ppl give me nice notes to stave the brain pooping :)
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I think today i got about 50% done of my usual work load
It's when I got to the animation comm that i started feeling a kinda headache and had to stop after a bit
But today my arm/hand didn't hurt from drawing! So i feel like the covid muscle fatigue/pain i was experiencing a lot yesterday is def going away
Im gonna try to keep an eye on the headaches since it might take me a bit before my brain's back to normal
Just gonna do my best to not get too impatient with recovery but dang
This is definitely making me appreciate more my capabilities from before i got covid. And if i make a complete recovery one day, I'll def try to appreciate it more in general
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Wheezes!!!!!
@waterfromleaves
I see you using the neo pronouns
And I am so grateful
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;___;
Man several people so enthusiastically using and enjoying zhey pronouns for my Lappland makes me so happy
Zhey/zhem are neo pronouns that I've been thinking about for months, cause I want to use them one day. And I feel like one day soon I'll be ready to
As much as I love they/them pronouns, it doesn't quite like vibe with me in the way of wanting to depart from gender shit completely sometimes
Anyways
Thank you!!
And I think I feel so encouraged by it that for my Lappland I'm gonna make zheir main pronouns be zhey/zhem and sometimes zhey might feel like wanting to use "she" but I think it comes down to who for zhem.
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i...
i...i can’t believe how indenial i am about the dumb things i like.
tfw when i tell myself oh yeah i love arknights cause it’s the tower defense gameplay and i like the character writing
WRONG IT’S THE DUMB ANIMAL ANIME EARS THAT IS SO DESIGN-WISE IMBALANCED NONSENSICAL AND DISJOINTED SDLKFLKSDKLSDF
my two ttrpg characters....
green one is from current campaign im playing
red one is from previous campaign i was playing from two years ago i think i can’t remember
stupid stupid cat girls //shakes them violently
i have basic bitch preferences
umu at the least i should stop lying to myself and just enjoy my basic bitch content uwu
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Chokeholds myself from saying stuff like
"oh I'll do this for you when I got time!"
Cause "when I got time" doesn't exist (I'm not sure if it's related to my ADHD thing since I can't detect passage of time ), so if I don't wanna schedule in something to definitely do it, don't make these up in the air comments
//starts shaking my cage bars
But then this also gets me thinking like
Oh but I'd love to schedule that in just to give a gift to a friend.
But then Im worrying like oh
But what if I use up all my energy and I can't make dinner..or do today's work...
.__.
Life is like min maxing yer limited-not-enough energy I guess
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some thought processing and venting i guess :C
thinking about how
i wish there was an opposite version of tumblr blaze
where you can tell tumblr that
after this many notes, take it off of people’s dashboards, make it unavailable to reblog and spread
I guess it just seems kind of unsettling if yer posts suddenly takes off and you get sudden load of attention that you haven’t even begun to process through yet
maybe i just have weird remaining bad feelings after all my fe3h fanart took off on twitter and with the attention came a lot of unexpected stress and pressure and just overall getting dragged into stuff/discourse that i never participated in
but maybe it’ll just inherently be different on tumblr
I love being able to enjoy games/shows with other people and share the fanart i make but attention ended up being bad news when it came to fanart
also I’m really sorry if this is like me being so stuck in my own head that it’s just mean towards other people. especially since i can see how like if any of the new ppl who just started following this blog cause of my recent hyperfixation with arknights read this, it might come off as if i am angry towards them specifically
but i think it’s more of like an issue regarding the state of my mental health. my own responsibility with it.
I really appreciate the love and support for the fanart i make, im just trying to figure out how to handle the paranoid feeling that bad stress stuff will follow after.
and also the fear of like
another hyperfixation being broken again.
I never knew that you could like lose a hyperfixation, but with fe3h i learned that oh it is possible
enough stress gets associated with it and no matter how much i love it, it’s hard to interact with it again.
I’m slowly rehabilitating my love for fe3h again, but it’s...slow..and different.
and i guess i just dont want to have to deal with that again with arknights
i just wanna...
enjoy it and like be able to lowkey relax in a community with other ppl who love it, but like not as the center of attention
.__. fe3h was also where i learned about how some ppl consider certain fanartist as “fandom gods” and oh my god. it’s so fucking weird.
individuals aren’t meant to be put on pedestals
no one exist to be yer perfect person who makes yer favorite art
i just wanna be more like part of the crowd where we’re appreciating the presence of one another, but understand that we got our own lives and our own directions we’re headed, that we’re not like meant to just permanently stick together. it’s more like a river and everything always flowing and changing
--
i also have been slowly like processing through like
what hyperfixations are too.
(also disclaimer that i use this word specifically as a neurodivergent term bc i have adhd)
i didn’t really know what to really consider it.
maybe largely bc growing up, i wasn’t allowed my own interests and it was like heavily discouraged + i was physically and emotionally punished for it too. so
it wasn’t until my mid 20′s (like roughly when i was 24-25 ish) that i started to more actively push myself to acknolwedge and pursue my interests, to see them as valid ways to spend my time.
so whenever i do get an active hyperfixation, it means a lot to me. bc it’s so nice to be able to enjoy something that my brain’s willing to soak up so immediately (instead of shutting down bc of information overload)
and the creative part of it where i fill in the blanks or think of my own interpretations etc, it’s so fun and
really fills me with a very specific kind of joy
the joy of being able to enjoy something so carefully made
but also the joy of like knowing how much i am like letting myself just have individualistic thoughts and preferences and ideas, etc
i guess if you made it to the end here,
thanks for reading my brain washing machine going round and round haha :)
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Hi, I hope that your day is going well! I don't know if this is something your okay with answering but I'm curious as to how you approach anatomy and how you create defining characteristics when drawing characters, like Texas and orchid?
i was like waiting to find time to draw some demonstrations or something, but I realized I’m gonna like
forget to reply to this if I wait to have the brain space to organize all that ahaskjdf
so here comes a text wall!!
so for the anatomy,
i think like most anything when it comes to A LOT OF INFORMATION
i go with macro to micro.
big to small.
so some exercises i still do is draw people silhouettes, but small!
but practicing with like general like bathroom symbol people/stickman
to like realistic silhouettes but simplified
i think it helps like
make a box in my head to hold the information of ANATOMY
and then when im just drawing
i like to think in larger chunks
like if you think about how 3D-modeling/sculpting goes
where there’s like big blocks to represent the torso and pelvis
low poly to high poly
anatomy’s just really hard cause it’s like
different proportions, how each element moves and then sits when you adjust.
but trying to find a mental like
organization to place all that information usually helps me!
and ofc patience with myself cause
it takes a long time for that information to really settle down
and for the creating defining characteristcs.
i think it’s about relativity.
like just like colors where
a color isn’t just inherently VIBRANT, it’s more about the colors surrounding that specific color. if the surrouding colors are more muted and the specific color is less muted, then it will look vibrant.
so same way
gotta start off with what feels like
a generic base for you. what’s your go-to person you’ll draw
that you think is an average look
and then you from there and make decisions on like
maybe 2x the size for the waist
or maybe 50% longer for the nose.
and then i guess last thing to realize that
bc it’s all about relativity. a character might only look very distinct when they stand next to another character who has contrasting features.
for example i have no idea if anyone but me knows this but
i draw texas with a longer chin than i’d draw another character.
(oh my god that reminds me to shorten up exusiai’s chin a bit, cause i did not intend for them to have a longer chin LOL)
OH that also reminds me
EXAGGERATION if you want to get across a point without there needing to be someone else to contrast for comparison.
like how everyone looks at my texas drawings and knows that she got thick eyebrows
cause i exaggerate the thickness.
and i think exaggeration is also relative to a style’s range. like going beyond the range a bit, just to get across a point.
but depending on the style, even a slight adjustment wil be BIG IN YOUR FACE DIFFERENCE. while other styles even a big adjustment might not be noticable cause the entire style is already pretty exaggerated
.__.
im so sorry if this is like overwhelming amount of info or really disjointed information
i just wanna assure anyone reading this that
it feels overwhelming but
if you dont stress about retaining it immediately and just
keep going and observing and being patient with yourself
you’ll eventually like start to notice and grasp the nuances of what you’re portraying.
i feel like it’s difficult cause like i know that for me
i had to go through a long process of learning to stop hating my art enough so that i can just
calmly look at what im doing, and instead of being dsitracted by how much i didnt like it, to start taking it little by little of like
oh what do i want to change.. and why.
and how do i make that change.!
#reply#aimlessartist17#oh god godspeed to anyone whoo's about to read this#im sorry i didnt organize it bc i knew i'll keep putting it off if i tried to organize my thoughts...#hjrambles
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omg...after going through four more themes
finally found one i like
it’s so..nice and simple!
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Man I'm mentally brittle
I gotta make time for some oc's or fave chars or something
I just want to stare at my faves and feel life return
Microdose on some seratonin
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:)
i love that there’s ppl who are just unquestioningly supporting my sudden burst of love for the state texas
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OH YEAH
one important thing that kinda suddenly clicked in my head regardinggg...
wait lemme go get the link to that rant (link)
tl;dr i got some mental health stuff to work through when it comes to sharing fanart espcially fe3h. and i was worried about arknights being a repeat experience.
but i realized something like a few days ago that made me feel very good!
i realized what i can do differently to make sure my mental health doesn’t just dip like that again
i realized that back then when i was posting and participating in the fe3h fandom
i had foolishly thought that all the nice ppl who liked my stuff were clearly like similar people to me with similar boundaries to me, and i had just dropped all sense of like healthy boundary walls that you would maintain with strangers/aquiatences
and so everything affected me all the time.
but now i understand that like
trust and familiarity is built, you can never skip past the slow patient building process. and in a way i realized it was very rude of me to have forgo that process cause that was me just like
projecting myself onto these strangers too, thinking that they were like-minded to me. but the truth is we’re all very different.
we all come from different backgrounds have different sense of boundaries and social friendliness.
and i want to be more mindful of that.
so now i know that
arknights fanart stuff WILL be different.
cause i wont just blindly trust ppl again. cause that’s not how reality works.
and also I know very firmly now that not giving someone yer full trust from the get-go is not a bad thing.
i feel like there were some weird social stuff from my developpmental years that made me think that the kindest gesture i could show to someone was to trust them blindly. but i realize now that’s just residual abusive shit that was conditioned into me growing up.
it is NOT a kind gesture to forego maintaining boundaries befitting of strangers, to assume someone is similar to you without even learning. actually it’s kind of messed up gesture... at least in the way i was doing it.
i think that there are many cultures different from me where showing someone full trust from beginning is actually done very responsibly, healthily, and consensually. but that’s just not the culture i grew up with so i cant just adopt a conduct i dont even understand.
but yeah
im just really happy to understand something a bit more about myself and how i function and
know how to better work with that.
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deleted the post i just made of byleth cause i realized
i cant just like
do guard duty of making sure ppl dont reblog it and then enforcing it by carrying through of blocking them
cause lol the first minute it was posted..someone relogged it... at first i was irritated? and then i realized
1) there’s users who don’t speak english and who probably dont care to go google translate what everything they see says
2) this is way too much energy... this kinda micro managing is not healthy for me, it’s better off if i dont post stuff that i dont want reblogged.
i prefer the micromanaging where i spend 10+ hours on fixing and breaking code on my tumblr theme hahasdkjf
cause i may take physical damage, but my mind is feral from the stupid fucking challenge i gave myself LOl
but i did learn like...4 things..so it wasn’t for vain!! ///rattles my cage bars
#hjrambles#i do want to share my fe3h art tho sighs#but i realize that its up to me to be patient and wait for my mental health to get back up to par first#cant rush that
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