#hhnn now im all Pissed Off and Overheated which is making me More pissed off
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im really about to start just killing people
#jesus Fucking christ <3 genuinely. genuinely wish i could off myself L.O.L.#leo.txt#hhnn now im all Pissed Off and Overheated which is making me More pissed off#going 2 go cry in a bathroom for ten mins and see if that helps 💕#edit: okay im crying in the bathroom now and i feel like im going insane#every fall my mental health tanks and so does hers#and she always takes it out on me#i dont have a single person im close to that doesnt treat me like shit and it sucks because i just. keep letting them do it#well. except for two i guess because i do try to defend myself with one and the other is my mom so like. i cant do anything about that one#but the other three just consistently treat me like shit and i dont Do anything about it#in the past year there’s been one person who actually was a good friend to me and i just. stopped talking to her because it scares me so bad#when people are that nice to me#i still feel guilty about it but i just kept waiting for her to be mean and it made me sick with anxiety everytime i saw her because i#couldnt believe that she was being genuine and there had to be some trick to it#ive never even dated anyone who didnt do something shitty to me. the nicest person dumped me over text at two in the morning after ghosting#me for six months with no explaination while still talking to all of our friends.#and i know thats probably not about me but i feel like. i just drive away anyone at all who’s nice because im so convinced it wont last#that theyre just tricking me or something#i rlly shouldnt tell this to people on this internet but. i cant tell anyone else because i cant think of a single person besides#my therapist who wouldnt make fun of me for it or go into a guilt spiral and maks me comfort them#so. on the internet it goes#i just keep thinking about how my current closest friend smacked me so hard they made me bleed multiple times and told me to kill myself#and how my other two close friends have bullied me to tears and then made fun of me for it. multiple times.#and i just keep letting them do it#whenever they bully me im just like. haha yeah im so stupid/annoying/ugly/whatever mean shit theyre saying and go along with it
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