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whore-era · 1 year

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affinity - part 2

ellie williams x fem!reader

themes: angst, pining, best friends, unrequited love, love triangle

summary: after drunkenly confessing your love to your best friend of five years, you try to move on from her, but your best friend has other plans in mind.

a/n: i think this one is horrible, not my best writing, but the words were just flowin outtttt. this is also very dialogue heavy so my apologies if yall arent into that

word count: 4,204

2/3 | affinity - pt 1

taglist: @sawaagyapong @katiemars @friiida-xx @elorawrites @eringaitskill @helaenaswife @3lliesrifle @elliesconverses @koolguysyndrome @muthafuckingstargirl @whteflwcrs @j-money777 @jolieetoile @elliewilliamsmunch @frasersgf @rumirim @siesie2 @starhrtz @mcu-junkie @yookayyo @viswifetotallyreal @franreadss @catostrophiclesbian @parkersmyth @tweecunt @ilovebasketball3333 @bigmoodyjoody @silhxvette

was i in heaven?

the question pops into your brain, as you truly thought you’d be dead in a ditch after the number of drinks you had last night. you made a mental note to thank dina later today for putting an end to your drunken endeavors from the night before.

blinking your eyes open, your eyesight adjusting to your surroundings, you realize you are not in your own home at all. you’re at ellie’s, familiarizing yourself with her bedspread and decor. you sit up, wincing and holding your head, the pain throbbing in your skull at the sudden movement.

sitting up properly, you scan your surroundings and your eyes stop at the sleeping figure on the couch. ellie was fast asleep on the cushions with a thin blanket covering her body, chest rising and falling at every gentle breath.

in the past, you and ellie would have no issue sharing a bed and sleeping together, as you’ve both done it a thousand times before. you’d usually wake up first, and spend the morning staring at ellie sleeping, which you were thankful she never caught you doing or else she’d never let it go. you were always enticed by the way she looked while sleeping, she was out of her element and relaxed — different from her usual reckless personality.

now, ellie slept separately from you and you could only assume it was because of her new relationship with cat. closing your eyes and recounting the events from the day before, you shook off the tears forming in your eyes. god, so much for trying to forget about her.

standing up quietly, careful not to wake her up, you pull on your shoes and make your way towards the door, opening it slowly and exiting from her shed before gently closing it again. you let out a sigh of relief, beginning the walk back to your own house. shading your eyes away from the rising sun to decrease the intensity of your pounding headache, you lay out your plans for the day.

okay, so i definitely have to shower ‘cause i reek of booze, and then i have to get ready for patrol in an hour, and then- you stop in your tracks, remembering you had patrol today, patrol with ellie. smacking a hand over your forehead, you make a note to stop by the tipsy bison to talk to maria about switching partners.

making it to your house within minutes, you rush to the bathroom and peel your clothes off to shower. the feeling of the warm water hitting your skin and relaxing your muscles was incomparable. it was a small slice of self-care you look forward to every day, as privileges like showers during an apocalypse was something hard to come by.

cleansing the grime off your body, you step out of the shower and pull on some clothes for patrol — a long sleeve, jeans, a thick jacket, and a beanie. pulling on your boots and slinging on your backpack, you head out your door, remembering your keys this time, and make a beeline toward the bar.

jackson early in the morning was something you’ve grown to love when heading out for patrol. the way the rising sun peeked over the edge of the trees, waking up the rest of the town, it always set a positive tone for your day. it was certainly one of the second-best things about this town, number one being a girl named ellie williams.

entering the bar, the bell tinkling as you opened the door, maria turns and smiles once she sees it’s you.

“just the girl i was looking forward to seeing,” maria greets, holding her broom in one hand and holding out one arm. you smile and give maria a side hug, “g’morning,” you mumble.

“so, how was last night?” the older woman queries, and you let out a groan of embarrassment.

“don’t even remind me,” you beg, “i don’t wanna think about that at all, i’m still dealing with the consequences.” you rub your head, the throbbing still present.

“well, it certainly was a sight for sore eyes,” maria chuckles, “anyways, don’t you have patrol in—” she pauses to check her wristwatch, “thirty minutes?”

you nod, “that’s actually what i wanted to talk to you about.”

“uh, oh. this can’t be good.”

“i just want to switch partners. please. put me with anyone. anyone but, ellie.”

maria sighed, “why? i mean, i’ll do it for you, but why?”

“i just don’t think i can be around her anymore. ellie’s my best friend, well was, and i don’t wanna get in the way of anything,” you say, choking back tears, attempting to distract yourself by fiddling with a loose thread on the hem of your shirt.

the older woman peered her eyes at you, thinking for a moment before speaking again. “okay, fine. you can be partnered up with jesse and ellie with dina.”

you let out a breath of relief, “thank you, maria. i owe yo-“

“on one condition.”

you narrow your eyes at her, suspicious of what her condition entailed, “….okay.”

“try talking to ethan. i think you both would be good together.”

“ethan? the stableboy?”

maria nods, “yup. talked to him yesterday and he may or may not have a small crush on you. poor kid was blabbering on about how badass and brave you are for going on patrol and all that shit, and that you’re real pretty doing it all.”

you let out a laugh, cheeks flushing red, “okay, sure. i’ll— uh— give him a chance.”

bidding maria goodbye and heading towards the front gates for patrol, you couldn’t help but think of what she said. ethan? the shy stableboy? crushing on you? you were flattered to say the least.

shaking your thoughts off, you make it to the stables and walk over to sunshine. ethan was already there, securing her saddles and brushing her brown coat.

“good morning,” you greet, approaching him. he lifts his head up in surprise, a smile settling on his face once he realizes it's you.

“oh hey, good morning,” he says in a sweet voice, “she’ll be ready in a few, just getting her all ready for you.”

“no, no— uh— take your time,” you sputter out, “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to rush you or anything. just wanted to say hi.”

what the hell was this? the 5th grade? why did you suddenly feel nervous talking to this guy? ethan smiles at you, a dimple poking out from his cheek. was that always there?

“no worries,” he says coolly, “i’m glad you came over here. was hoping to see off the prettiest girl in jackson.”

your cheeks are warm and your face is red. is it getting hot in here?

from the corner of your eye, you see jesse, giving you the perfect excuse to escape from ethan to calm down a bit.

“i’ll be right back, i-i just need to talk to jesse.” you walk off quickly before he had the chance to see the tomato that was your face.

approaching jesse, you poke him on the back and he quickly turns around, preparing to sucker-punch the person who dares sneak up on him from behind.

“well, if it isn’t the little monster.” he gives you a cheeky smile, letting his fists fall down at his sides.

you roll your eyes, “please, i don’t even wanna know how you came up with that nickname,” you breathe out, “anyways, we’re patrol partners now.”

“says who?”

“says me.”

jesse rolls his eyes as you let out a laugh, and joel and tommy gather the rest of the group to make some announcements and set the agenda for the day. from your peripheral, you see ellie appear a few feet away from you, adjusting her jacket and backpack. she probably overslept, evident from her disheveled clothes and her hurried state.

the two brothers dismiss everyone to leave for patrol, and you see ethan walking towards you with sunshine. he hands you her leads, brushing his hands against yours.

“see you after patrol?” he asks smiling at you, his dimple popping out again as he tilts his head to the side a bit. how cute.

“yeah, definitely,” you smile and he nods, putting his hands in his pockets and walking back toward the stables. when he disappears from your view, you see dina speaking to ellie, causing her to turn and look your way.

you quickly turn away, praying she didn’t catch you staring. as you and jesse leave for patrol, you couldn’t help the forming pit in your stomach, hoping that you made the right decision.

that’s how the next three days went. you avoided talking to ellie, you talked to ethan at the stables, and you spent your time patrolling with jesse, which was mayhem in itself, but you tried to focus on the upside of it all.

however, ellie was growing annoyed by the second, fed up with you doing everything in your power to avoid her.

“it’s like we weren’t best friends for years!” ellie vented out, the sound of the snow crunching beneath her boots as she strolled alongside dina, giving the horses a break.

“granted, she was in love with you for almost the entire duration of your friendship,” dina commented.

ellie glared at her, “yea, but still— she could’ve talked to me or some shit. instead, she ignores me.”

deep down inside, ellie felt guilty. blaming everything on herself for how things turned out. even though you never did admit your feelings directly, while sober, she should’ve seen the signs. ellie could only imagine how you felt— constantly having the person you loved for years telling you about their own romantic pursuits. it made sense why you took off the day she told you she was planning to ask cat to be her girlfriend, you were hurt.

“it’s fine, ellie,” dina attempts to reassure, “besides, i’m sure she’ll be over it by the end of the week.”

“wait— what do you mean?” ellie stopped walking, hanging onto every word that dina was saying.

“well- you know- um,” the darker-haired brunette stutters, “how would you feel seeing her with someone else?”

fire ignited in ellie’s veins, anger flowing through every vessel in her body. what the fuck? was this your solution? using some other person to get over your feelings for her? were you actually fucking serious?

“what are you saying, dina?” her fists begin to ball up, restraining the urge to punch a nearby tree trunk.

dina’s eyes widened, realizing there was no hiding the secret now as ellie would’ve definitely found out sooner or later. ellie was perceptive and persistent, and would’ve bugged everybody in town if it meant finding out the truth about someone making plans to date you.

“so, this is a funny story,” dina laughs nervously, “a little birdie told me that they set one of the stable boys up with her.”

if you squinted your eyes and looked close enough, you could see the smoke coming out from ellie’s ears. she was infuriated.

“who?”

“ethan.”

“christ! fuckin’ ethan?” ellie yelled out in frustration, dina in the background grimacing from the sudden increase of volume in her tone.

“keep it down, will you? you’re gonna attract every clicker within a five-mile radius,” dina snapped, gaining another glare from those green eyes.

“ugh,” ellie groaned, “this is a mess.”

“why does it even matter? you’re with cat, doesn’t this make everything easier actually?” dina asks, “the possibility of her being with someone else?”

ellie’s chest tightened. the very idea of you being with someone stirred something inside her guts. maybe it was the thought of them seeing your smile every day that made her sick to her stomach, or seeing you laugh til’ your belly hurt when you watched your favorite 90’s sitcom shows on VHS. it could also be the notion of someone holding you close when you watch the first edition of ‘nightmare on elm street’ because you get terrified every time you watch it that made her want to puke or — was it thinking about someone seeing the intimate parts of your body that did it instead?

“i-i don’t know, okay?” ellie says, “and, i’m not with cat.” she clarifies, hoisting herself back onto shimmer’s saddle.

“huh? but didn’t you tell-”

“i know what i said, but i’m not with cat.” ellie cuts dina off before she had a chance to interject again, “it’s time to head back. c’mon.”

the journey back to jackson was painful for ellie, for she wanted nothing more than to see you and talk to you. every minute she was apart from you, she imagined ethan trying to win you over, swooning you with his corny jokes and suave pick-up lines. god, she was gonna be nauseous if she thought about that horse-boy one more time.

making it back in due time, ellie and dina entered through the tall, wooden gates. ellie was quick on her feet and rushed off to find you, seeing that you were already back from patrol and that you were walking into the garden — your favorite path to cut through.

ellie calls you out by your name, making you turn around but once you recognized who was calling for you, you cursed under your breath and walked faster.

“hey!” ellie yells out, “i need to talk to you!”

your feet pick up the pace, angering her even more. just as you were about to pass the bushels of purple hydrangeas, you felt a hand yank onto yours.

“stop runnin’ away from me! will you?” ellie breathes out, winded from having to chase after you.

“sorry— i, uh—” you weren’t sure what to say, “i just had a long day.”

ellie stares at you for a moment, “bullshit. why the hell do you keep fucking avoiding me?”

you took your bottom lip between your teeth, a telltale sign of your anxiety forming, and if you didn’t look so damn gorgeous doing that surrounded by all the flowers, ellie swore she would’ve fallen to her knees and begged for your forgiveness right then and there.

“i just— i made a decision that was necessary for our friendship.”

you couldn’t look her in the eyes, knowing all the feelings you’ve managed to push to the back of your brain would come flooding back and the butterflies would flutter about in your belly again and your heart would pick up like you just finished laps around a football field.

“so, that’s it?” ellie’s voice is laced with bitterness, “we just forget about those five years?”

you stay silent, eyes focusing on the layer of snow covering the ground beneath your feet.

“you know, you can’t just fucking tell someone you’re in love with them and— and never speak to them again!”

your ears perked up, “what are you talking about?”

“that night,” ellie walks closer to you, “that night you were drunk, you told me you were in love with me.”

fear settles into your body and you didn’t know what to say at that point.

“that’s why i never went through with it. asking cat to be my girlfriend.”

you drag your eyes up, looking at her, and your brows draw together in confusion, “why not?”

now it was ellie’s turn to be tongue-tied, “i-i don’t kno—wait, this isn’t about me!”

“what is this even about, els?” the way the nickname you had for her rolled off your tongue was enough to turn ellie williams into a puddle. it was unorthodox how ellie’s body reacted to every single thing you did, did this always happen or did she just now notice this?

“so, it’s true then? you’re in love with me?”

you hesitated before responding, unsure how she would react to your answer, “it doesn’t matter.”

“why not?”

“because my feelings don’t— they don’t matter,” you reply, irritation growing apparent in your tone, “what matters to me is that you’re alive and healthy and happy, even if it means you being with someone else.”

ellie’s chest felt like it weighed 500 tons. she didn’t know what to do. she wanted to cry, she wanted to envelop you in her arms, she wanted to brush the hair from your face and hold your cheeks in her hands, she wanted to yell at you and tell you that your feelings were just as important and that your wellbeing mattered too.

but she stayed put, allowing her emotions to get the best of her.

“and what about you? are you happy with ethan, huh? does he make you happy?” a devious smirk creeping on her face with a subtle mocking inflection in her words.

“that’s not fair, ellie—”

how she fucking hated it when you said her full name. to you, she was els. your els.

“how?!”

“becaus—” you were about to rip one into her, releasing your true, unearthed feelings that were bottled up over five years, but you felt your hand knock into someone’s nose as you had this horrid habit of talking with your hands when you were extremely emotional.

“auggghh!” ethan groaned out in pain, holding his nose in agony.

“oh my god! ethan!” you rush over to him, putting your hands on his face to get a look at the damage. streams of crimson flowed down his nostrils, dripping down to his shirt.

“i’m so sorry!” you apologized, and the boy attempted to smile but cringed instead.

ellie rolled her eyes, “no, she’s not.” she muttered, only loud enough for you to hear, inciting a glare from you.

“don’t worry about it. it’s fine,” ethan said, his voice sounding congested, “i should’ve made myself known before approaching you, but i came here because i wanted to ask you to dinner tonight— with me, at the diner.”

ellie watched the smile grow on your face and the faded pink fan across your cheeks, and suddenly the world went silent, your lips mouthing the words ‘yes’. watching you wrap your arms around ethan and guiding him towards the infirmary, ellie couldn’t help the lump forming in the back of her throat — wishing it was her taking you out to dinner instead. but she had to stand back and watch you with someone else, a habit you knew all too well.

ellie williams never considered herself a heavy drinker. she was more of a social drinker at most, only drinking one or two beers maximum when there were the usual parties and get-togethers in town. but when you force yourself to watch the girl you love laugh at some smelly horse-boy’s jokes, you needed all the alcohol you can get.

hearing your laugh resonate through the air, ellie took another swig of bourbon, the spicy liquor burning her throat.

“what the fuck could he be saying that’s so funny? huh?” ellie spat, the glass banging on the table, provoking a flinch from jesse and dina.

“well, he’s actually kind of—” dina’s cut off by the incandescent scowl from her penetrating green eyes, “yea, no, he’s terrible.”

ellie’s head couldn’t grasp what you saw in ethan. were you attracted to his looks? he’s a 6.5 at best, is 5’6, and he’s slim. he’s also nice and friendly. but surely, ellie was better.

she knew she was more attractive, at 5’7 with a fit physique from all those hours training in combat and getting in her workout during patrol. she also was kind, funny, and intelligent. however, ellie knew she would be better for you than ethan. she knew you like the back of her hand, she could protect you far better than he could if a situation were to arise, and she could make you feel good, in more ways than one.

which is why when she spotted you and ethan preparing to leave, she knew this was her opportunity to get you alone, and also to cock-block him so he doesn’t end up trying to make a move and kiss you — an idea that immediately made her see red.

“where you goin’ this time?” jesse asks, noticing ellie stand up, taking one last gulp of that liquid courage.

“to get my girl back.”

jesse and dina looked at each other, mouthing a quiet ‘finally’ as ellie marched out the door, hoping she could catch up to you and horse-boy.

spotting you and ethan strolling down the trail, she catches sight of ethan’s hand trailing up to the small of your back.

do not fucking touch her.

ellie calls out your name, causing you and ethan to turn around and stop in their tracks. slowly jogging towards you, “hey, can i talk to you?” she breathes out, winded from her slow run, “alone.”

“um, sure.”

ellie glares at ethan, and as ethan prepares to but in, insisting he can stay nearby, your hand gently touches his arm, “i’ll see you tomorrow bright and early before i leave for patrol. okay?”

ethan reluctantly nods, “okay,” and he leans in to peck your cheek, “goodnight.” he gives ellie one last look, throwing a smirk her way before he leaves the two of you alone.

god, ellie never wanted to beat someone’s ass so badly.

her anger quickly falters once she glances at you again, looking beautiful as ever in your beanie and scarf with your cheeks all red and rosy from the chilly air.

you clear your throat, snapping her out of her thoughts. “here, i’ll— uh— walk you home.”

as you both begin your slow stroll, the tension is awkward and silent. you both didn’t know what to say. after a couple minutes of walking in this god-awful silence, ellie speaks up first, “so. how’s it going with ethan?”

“ellie, please. if you’re trying to be sarcastic—”

“no, no, i’m not,” ellie scratches the back of her neck, “i’m seriously asking. not trying to be a smartass or start an argument or anything.”

you let out a heavy sigh, “he’s nice…and he’s friendly.” you weren’t sure what else to say about him. you didn’t know him that well yet and you didn’t want to admit to her that you didn’t think he was all that cute anyways, despite the dimple.

“yeah? you like him?”

silence filled the air. you wanted to be careful with what you were going to say next, but ellie had a way to make you feel comfortable enough to open up about things you didn’t want to talk about. it was easy to talk to her because you knew she was actually listening.

“it’s not that easy to get over you, you know?” you murmur quietly, but you could tell ellie picked up on what you said. “i feel guilty for— i guess using him as a rebound, to get over what i felt for you.”

“what did you feel for me?”

you scoff, “seriously, els? you’re gonna make me say it?” ellie couldn’t help but smile at the way her nickname sounded leaving your lips. “i had a lot of feelings for you. i mean— we were best friends and you were on my mind all the time. you made my head hurt when i thought about you too much and when i was around you i got those cheesy butterflies in my stomach that people in the movies talk about.” you couldn’t help the small smile that mindlessly crept on your lips when you talked about this, and ellie couldn’t help but feel dumb for not realizing how she felt sooner.

“why didn’t you ever say anything?”

you shrugged, “i didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship and lose you. our friendship meant the world to me,” you looked down, fiddling with your shirt again as anxiety built up inside you, “and besides, it seemed like you never saw me anything more than a friend. i was never gonna be that girl. it was always someone else.”

ellie’s thoughts were running rampant, wanting to say all these things to you and tell you that you were wrong and that you are the girl for her. she wanted to beg on her knees and say she was sorry that she didn’t realize how she felt sooner, and that she was only using other girls to compensate for the fact that she couldn’t have you. but nothing came out.

approaching the front door, you take your key out from your jean pocket. “well, goodnight, els. i’ll see you tomorrow?”

once more, everything in the world went quiet and all ellie saw was you. you were standing in front of her, so clearly. the small details of your face illuminated by the soft glow of the porch light made you look like an angel sent from above. ellie knew she didn’t deserve you, after everything you’ve been through, after all the hurt she caused for you; but she was dumb if she thought she going to let you go so easily. ellie had to fight for you and she didn’t give a fuck who was in her way.

in one, swift move, ellie wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you in to press her lips against yours.

affinity - part 3 here

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