#he's just a mildly creepy precious baby
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Rob James-Collier | The Level
#rob james-collier#robert james-collier#rob james collier#robert james collier#the level#kevin o'dowd#hi i love kevin#he's just a mildly creepy precious baby#if nancy doesn't want him then i volunteer#roses are red#his leg was in a brace#won't he do me the honor#of [REDACTED] my face#🤐
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Grave dirt baby... 🥺✨
me, procrastinating my actual fic? no... GRAVE DIRT BABY A-YUAN
HEY TUMBLR FUCKED UP ALL MY BULLET POINTS ON THIS THE SECOND I HIT POST BUT IT’S 4AM SO I’M LEAVING IT UP ANYWAY. STUPID GODDAMN WEBSITE.
Wei Wuxian has been in the Burial Mounds for like 2.5 months out of what he doesn’t yet know will be about 3. He’s not even sure he’s going to survive yet. But he has managed to manifest an evil sword - the evil sword - out of the aether/ambient resentful energy/an attunement set with an unwise touch in the belly of an evil turtle
and he does know that he’s not going to survive if he doesn’t get the power of the Burial Mounds under some sort of control
so he cuts his arm and with blood running down the blade, draws something adjacent to the first demon-summoning flag but as an array in the dirt. He stands in the middle and - keep in mind that he more or less hasn’t slept in 2.5 months - plunges the sword into the center, still coated in his blood, and draws in all the resentful energy of the Burial Mounds
was it supposed to go into the sword? Into himself? Into just the single 4ft diameter array area, a column of bound death? who knows, not Wei Wuxian! it’s pure gut instinct
u know what else works on gut instinct, thought? Fairy tales.
And in a fairy tale, why, clay of the earth plus iron enough for a blade plus still-warm blood to show the way...
There’s an implosion and Wei Wuxian is standing - somehow still standing - in a small crater where the array used to be, and his evil sword is plunged into the belly of a baby
He yanks it out in horrified reflex, and realizes a moment later that the baby seems unfazed by this. If there was even a wound, it closes before his eyes, and the glimpse he had showed something more bloody clay than flesh beneath the skin
the iron sword crumbles as he pulls it away, as though rusted a thousand years. the baby turns its head from the iron shavings that falls on it, but then reaches up for Wei Wuxian with a cheerfully demanding cry
he picks it up, of course. (he’d think he was hallucinating if he wasn’t absolutely and utterly aware that he’s not)
it is, as far as he can tell, with physical and spiritual resentful inspection, an absolutely normal baby
oh, except when he looks really closely. Then he can sense the neutron star–dense knot of resentful energy where a golden core might (but will definitely not have room to) form. Also, it can command the dead, and when he holds it, so can he. He’s not sure if it’s a proximity-based power share or if he’s passing his desires through the baby, but even Wei Wuxian, at about 3 months with no food save the rage of the dead and no rest save the promise of final release, has to stop investigating at some point. He has things to do!
specifically, he has Wens to kill
so instead of the iconic shot of the dark flautist in the moonlight, we get the dark, uh...man singing a very spooky lullaby to his baby in the moonlight. It is still deeply creepy. It’s a making-it-up-as-he-goes tune based on a Yunmengi lullaby that he certainly learned from neither of his foster parents, and the lyrics are along the lines of, “let them remember what they did, sweet little potato, let them remember why they’re dying”
yeah he’s been calling this child “Little Potato” for 2 weeks
why
is that not how you name a child
sometimes when he’s more annoyed at it, he calls it “Little Radish”, or even less appetizing root vegetables
by the time he walks in, the baby is asleep in his arms and he’s not singing anymore, just letting the dead do his will. This is what Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji see. The subsequent conversation, Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu at their feet, goes like this:
LWJ: Wei Ying. You have a baby.
WWX: Oh, uh...
PLAY DUMB!
WWX: What baby?
NOT THAT DUMB!
WWX: Oh, this baby! Haha yeah. I...found it.
JC: What the fuck
WWX: Yeah, weird, right? Right near the, uh...
LWJ: They said you were in the Burial Mounds
WWX: Yyyyup. Yes that is. I found this baby by the side of the road after I walked out of the Burial Mounds.
JC, briefly too morbidly fascinated to think about either the demonic cultivation they just watched or the fact that he wants to hug his brother like he’s never wanted to hug another being in his life: What did you name it?
WWX: ....
JC, desire to hug intensifying together with exasperation: oh my god
Sometime in the next couple days - after sleeping a bit, maybe - it occurs to Wei Wuxian that his raw instincts were right and things will go very badly for little A-Yuan (his siblings insisted he name it) if anyone finds out that he’s a not-yet-walking, not-yet-talking little neuron star of resentful energy. So he takes the iron shavings that are all that remain of the Stygian Turtle Sword and forges them into a Tiger-shaped Seal. He also carves a bamboo flute, like he’d been thinking about before the whole...baby thing. He loudly proclaims both to be dark and terrible weapons
(it really is helpful. The sword was...kind of A-Yuan’s other parent, after all, in addition to their third partner, the Burial Mounds. Chenqing gives him finer control of whatever stray resentful energy he chooses to pick up, and the Stygian Seal lets him channel A-Yuan’s power at need, even when not touching him. Which is good - a battlefield is no place for a baby)
even if that baby thinks ghosts and ghouls exist to pick him up and rock him or toss him around (babies like to be tossed)
Wei Wuxian puts so many goddamn spirit-repelling charms on that child, and lets it be marked down to the paranoia of a survivor
using whatever resentful energy he picks up is generally more effective, actually. Less strong, but it quickly becomes clear that the way this works does, in fact, involve Wei Wuxian communicating his desires through A-Yuan, or at least A-Yuan has to put up with the loan of power. There’s nothing quite like abruptly losing control of a field of corpses because the baby got abruptly uncooperative with anything that wasn’t barfing
the baby does eat, for the record. As far as Wei Wuxian can tell, he doesn’t actually need to, but once WWX fed him once, when they first left the Mounds, he wanted it all the time
he still takes A-Yuan with him when he can. That is the paranoia of a survivor. A-Yuan is...
“A battlefield is no place for a baby, A-Xian,” Jiang Yanli says gently, as he sets out from Carp Tower after another stolen visit, another failed attempt to convince Jin Guangshan off his ass. “And you are...so busy. LanlingJin takes in orphans, you know...”
“A-Yuan...he’s my blood,” Wei Wuxian says quietly. He’s never been good at lying to his shijie
Whatwherewhenhowwho, he’d see on her face if he was looking at it. But he isn’t. It’s not shame, though, she can see (it really never is, with Wei Wuxian). Fear of disappointing her, slight resignation...but mostly acceptance. Determination. Something almost like contentment.
(When Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangj first took him back to whatever resembled a base camp - somewhere in Qinghe, probably, or maybe Lanling - he had to let a trained healer look at A-Yuan, physical and spiritual examination, and he held his breath and calculated how many people he’d have to kill to get out of here, how fast he’d have to move to not hurt his brother or any particular friends; thought, oh, he’s mine, in a way he hadn’t before - as a child, a son, not just a very strange weapon -
“He’s quite healthy,” said the doctor, mildly surprised, bouncing A-Yuan on one knee. A-Yuan gurgled happily. “About three months old?”
the longer Wei Wuxian took to answer, the more disapproving her stare got. But that did make sense)
Then all else can be dealt with later. “You should still leave him here,” Jiang Yanli says firmly. “You need to look after yourself and A-Cheng out there. I can look after A-Yuan.”
It takes a bit under two years to win back the lost and burnt territories, scour the Wens out of every crevice, corner Wen Ruohan in his precious Nightless City and bring it tumbling down. Nobody will know the timing but A-Yuan sleeps through the final battle, smiling at dreams that would make a grown man weep in horror. Somewhere, his father is playing a lullaby
About a week later, Jiang Cheng stalks into Wei Wuxian’s bedroom, which he shares with A-Yuan. One of the first rooms rebuilt in the new Lotus Pier. A-Yuan is there, too, playing with blocks while Wei Wuxian idly drafts talismans
“A-jie said the kid is yours,” he says, crossed arms. “Like, yours-yours. When the fuck did you do that?”
(Wei Wuxian has thought about this, by now; gone over the pros and cons of every possibility, the politics and potentials and maybe even the giddy possibility of telling something like the truth)
(the guiding principle is: he has no interest in drawing on the “Stygian Tiger Seal” ever again. The Sunshot Campaign is over. His loved ones are safe, and he sees no reason why they shouldn’t all live long, happy, normal lives)
(also/though, he will burn Jin Sect, Carp Tower, and all of Lanling to the ground before the new Chief Cultivator should touch his son)
“In Caiyi,” he lies. “Right before I got kicked out. I, uh, snuck out a lot more often than you noticed.”
His brother squints at him suspiciously. But Wei Wuxian can also watch him do the math in his head and reluctantly admit that it works.
“So are you claiming him or what?” he challenges. “’Wei Yuan’? You have a courtesy name - wait, no, you are not naming that kid again. You’re going to make his courtesy name be Carrothead or something.”
“Should I let you pick it, oh wise and noble shidi - no, shushu?!” Wei Wuxian teases, as A-Yuan gets tired of his blocks and starts climbing up him like a jungle gym
Jiang Cheng sighs like the north wind - gusting long and hard, with just the faintest chill to suggest that the skies will be weeping, soon
But...
Despite some evidence to the contrary, Wei Wuxian is generally fully aware of when he’s about to cross a line that cannot be backtracked over. So he meets Wen Qing in the city, and before going to Lanling, he nips into Lotus Pier and picks up A-Yuan
He might leave A-Yuan with Wen Qing in the city when he goes to Glamour Hall, but Qiongqi Pass happens with a toddler watching silently from Wei Wuxian’s hip. Does Wei Wuxian tell him to look away, bury his face in baba’s shirt, or does he not bother, knowing the sort of song that makes up A-Yuan’s sweet dreams?
The Wens become the second through 51st or so people who learn what A-Yuan is. Wei Wuxian briefly considers trying to hide it, but, honestly, there are dead things everywhere on the Burial Mounds, and despite his genuine efforts, he cannot convince A-Yuan that a fierce corpse is anything but the ideal patty-cake companion. (They’ll play with him for hours! It’s a two-nearly-three-year-old’s dream!)
(he doesn’t want to convince him, not really. The last thing he wants to do ever is give A-Yuan anything to be scared of)
nor could he possibly wish that A-Yuan not be...obviously hale and hearty, running rosy-cheeked and strong around these hills of death that slowly seep the energy from any humans, animals, or even sturdy root crops
“So, uh, this is actually my demon baby,” said Wei Wuxian as they all settled in
“this day has been so weird already, this might as well goddamn happen”, said the Wens collectively
“You created a living child out of dead earth, so I’m going to take that as a yes that you can bring my brother back,” said Wen Qing specifically
“...fuck. I mean, yes. I mean - fuck,” said Wei Wuxian. “I- of course I will.”
(it doesn’t work like that, though)
The 52nd person to find out what A-Yuan is is Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian very much does not tell him. They have a pleasant toy-shopping trip and lunch in town, and then the alarm talisman goes off and Wei Wuxian grabs A-Yuan and Lan Wangji tugs them both onto Bichen and when they arrive, Wen Ning is roaring. Lan Wangji knows what’s important; he takes A-Yuan so Wei Wuxian’s hands are free and he doesn’t have to worry about his son
except Wen Ning, black-eyed with rage, throws Wei Wuxian into a tree hard enough to crack a rib, and even as Lan Wangji raises Bichen, A-Yuan shouts,
“Uncle Ning, stop!”
and Wen Ning stops
(as a rule, Wei Wuxian can’t take over with himself and Chenqing anything A-Yuan is controlling, unless A-Yuan lets him, and vice versa. To eliminate variables, Wei Wuxian had made sure that any reins on Wen Ning were his (Wei Wuxian’s) alone. But in that moment, before Wen Ning came fully back to himself, his reins were swinging free - and they were back within the bounds of the Burial Mounds, where A-Yuan was always strong)
and Lan Wangji puts several pieces together at once and prays to every single god in heaven and every ancestor he’s disappointing right now that this was a miracle of love and a very cute child piercing through a fierce corpse’s mindless rampage. That he simply...hallucinated the burst of resentful energy he just felt from the child in his arms
but he’s absolutely, utterly aware that he didn’t
Wei Wuxian explains, stilted and awkward at the bottom of the hill. Challenging and terrified. Holding on to A-Yuan.
Lan Wangji promises to keep the secret.
Wei Wuxian takes Hanguang-jun’s word
Remember, oh, remember, that Wei Wuxian walks A-Yuan back up the hill until A-Yuan gets tired and Wei Wuxian picks him up, on their one-and-a-half–man plank bridge through the dark. Remember remember remember that before he can finish speaking that line, there is light - the clearing is lit with lanterns and secret-keepers 2 through 51, and I suppose 53 now that Wen Ning is awake, are waiting with dinner and warmth and welcome. Reader, remember this.
But then...
Aunt Qing and Uncle Ning had gone, and then, with a terrible expression on his face, so had A-Yuan’s baba. Now his baba’s anger and sadness is so strong that the weight of it makes A-Yuan cry from hundreds of miles away, and he curls into Granny’s arms and sends his baba everything he can. Will everything be okay, then? Will everyone come home; will they be able to smile again?
(oh, A-Yuan...)
(No.)
A-Yuan - Wei Yuan, Little Potato (when he’s good for baba or bad for Aunt Qing) or Little Radish (inverse); one day to be Lan Yuan, Lan Sizhui - was born in the good old fairy tale way of earth and iron and blood. It’s a hard thing for any child to lose even a single parent - in one day, in one minute, A-Yuan loses two of three, as the father of his blood burns away in hand the last shreds of Stygian iron, and promptly loses control of his own resentful energy
(the Tiger Seal does nothing like explode, in this world. It was never more than a prop - but a vital one. the benefit of proving it destroyed would be worth the loss of a parent, if only a second didn’t follow on its heels)
A-Yuan has been a dead thing (or close enough) come to life all his life, and both dead and living have been his friends and family. But he’s never felt the transition the other way: from life to death
It’s no wonder, really, that he can’t remember it afterward. No wonder that even on the land that was the last part of him, he was feverish and barely conscious when Lan Wangji stumbled, bleeding, off of Bichen, and took in his arms. No wonder that he remembered very little at all, including the dead.
But he would be okay. Under physical and spiritual inspection, he’s a perfectly normal boy. He may not be able to form a golden core (there's something in the way), but there are...workarounds. He’ll grow up in one of the most heavily spiritually warded enclaves in the world, safe and loved as he relearns (mostly in secret) what he can do
(For the sake of this story, and A-Yuan’s survival as something close to canon, let’s say there are some truly dark things in the forbidden section of the Lan Library, that could only be used for nefarious purposes - though, I suppose we already knew that. Let’s say there are talismans that will disguise the very nature of qi, so resentful energy may appear spiritual. Let’s say, Lan Xichen becomes the 53rd to know the truth, because his brother needs help - and it’s Wei Wuxian’s child, okay? It’s just Wei Wuxian’s child, quiet and unsure rather than laughing as he always was. If you were in the inner circle of leaders of the Sunshot Campaign, you have absolutely met this child, probably held him and bounced him on one knee)
(What keeps Lan Xichen up at night isn’t the concealing amulet he helped his brother make, which Lan Yuan wears at all times around his neck. It’s the silence he keeps every time he meets Jiang Wanyin’s eyes over a diplomatic table. If anyone had the right to know Wei Yuan survived... But Sandu Sengshou killed Wei Wuxian, everyone knows that, and now he hunts demonic cultivators - what might his pride drive him to do to his nephew, if he ever learned the truth? (Selfishly, Lan Xichen know that if Lan Wangji lost A-Yuan, even just to living at Lotus Pier, Lan Xichen might lose his brother. That fear ebbs with time passing, but the the longer he hasn’t spoken, the worse it would be to do so...))
They don’t restrict Lan Yuan to the Cloud Recesses, no more than any other novice. For memory of their mother, neither of them could bear that. Jiang Cheng does eventually see him at a conference, and stops dead. Years have passed, but that is an entire goddamn nephew, right there. But - how? No, it can’t be. That’s...everyone knows Lan Wangji hated Wei Wuxian. It’s just...and someone would have told him. The Lans value propriety above all, after all.
Anything that can be done with spiritual cultivation can be done with demonic cultivation, save heal. Lan Sizhui makes up for it with an encyclopedic knowledge of undead and monsters, and a prodigal talent for Inquiry
On their first night hunt, the young juniors face ghosts. Unfortunately, this is when Lan Jingyi learns that he’s terrified of ghosts. He’s hiding behind Lan Sizhui and panic is contagious, and the senior accompanying them is in a different room of the abandoned house, and Lan Sizhui forgets that he’s holding a sword and just shouts, “Stop! Go away!”
the ghost, of course, obeys
Lan Jingyi peeks out form behind him. “Did- did you do that?”
“I don’t know,” Lan Sizhui admits (except that he’s absolutely sure he did)
There’s another flicker of movement, just the wind blowing ashes but Jingyi whips around with wild eyes. “Can you do it again?”
[friendship. my point is, he’s a demon baby but he has family and friends who love and accept him.]
And one day, some absolute fucking morons are going to bring him back home, where he can never be anything but strong, and threaten his friends and family? And the threat is an army of his old playmates, commanded by an attempt at recreating some combination of Chenqing and the Tiger Seal? He couldn’t manage it in Yi City, but now A-Yuan, Wei Yuan, Lan Sizhui stands on earth that has never stopped being part of him, or maybe he’s never stopped being part of it. If he closed his eyes he could feel every foot on it, living and restless dead. And they’re threatening his baba - who he remembers, as the earth remembers its old partner, even though the blood is changed - and his father Hanguang-jun, and his extended family and friends?
No.
#lyratalus#mdzs#the untamed#ficlet#lan sizhui#wei wuxian#uh who else is here#must i tag them all? don't wanna#my fic#hmm need the speaker for the dead variant to get more childhood stuff; they're similar there
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We Found Love
♥ Co-Written with @ruensroad
♥ Status: Completed
♥ Rating: T
♥ Pairing: ZhanCheng (Lan Wangji x Jiang Cheng)
♥ AU: Canon Divergence; No One Dies; Arranged Marriage; Mentions of XianNing & Nielan; Happy Ending;
♥ Where to Read: AO3 | Only chapter one will be posted on Tumblr.
♥ Author’s Note: If you don’t like this paring then do not read it. Absolutely do not send either us disgusting hate messages here or on AO3 about you not liking this paring. Just move on and live your best life. Otherwise! Enjoy ♥
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Lotus Pier - Jiang Cheng: Age 7
Tongues were wagging throughout all of Lotus Pier it seemed like. No matter where Wei Wuxian went, purple clad disciples and servants gossiped plainly in full view, loud enough he didn’t even have to eavesdrop! It wasn’t even that good of news!
His shidi had been matched with some alpha in Gusu and Madam Yu had apparently scored the match of the century. Whatever that meant. Not that it mattered, anyway.
It was awful news! Terrible! Jiang Cheng’s betrothed was too far away to punch!
To make it worse, Madam Yu had now turned her attention on Wei Wuxian himself. Never a good thing. A matchmaker had come to see him just that morning, pinched his ear lobes and arms, checked his teeth and eyes and core. He was a gifted alpha himself, and the matchmaker had seemed pleased. He shivered in the memory of her hands on his hips as though he was an omega like his shidi . His hips! He was only eight!
Embarrassed and indignant, Wei Wuxian had run away to hide until lunch, when a growling stomach had him crawling out for food. With a handful of pilfered dumplings, he ran off again before Madam Yu could get him in her sights, making a break for the docks behind his and Jiang Cheng’s shared rooms. It had a pagoda over the water and he grinned to see Jiang Cheng sitting on the edge with his feet in. He always came here when he needed to think.
“Jiang Cheng!” Wei Wuxian hurried to his shidi’s side and plopped gracelessly down beside him, a grin brightening his expression. He shoved a dumpling in Jiang Cheng’s face. “Lookit!”
Jiang Cheng had been content to be out here on the pier by himself. He’d been singing and wiggling his toes in the water where the fish were coming up to gently nip. His solitude was invaded too soon and he had a good warning before Wei Wuxian was upon him. His shixiong wasn’t one for stealth and was louder than a laughing monkey. His mama’s words, not Jiang Cheng’s.
Jiang Cheng had braced himself to be thrown in the water but not for the dumpling to the face. He was still quick enough for him to catch it before it landed on the white robes his mother had told him to practice wearing. Jiang Cheng didn’t get it but what his mama said was law. He wasn’t going to go against that.
“You're lucky that I like these carrot dumplings!” Jiang Cheng fussed, sharply elbowing Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian pouted, but just lightly shoved him back and stuffed his mouth with dumpling. For a blissful few moments, there was just his obnoxious chewing, then his dark eyes zeroed in on the white robes. “...I thought you were gonna live here?” he said, mildly alarmed and immediately in protective older brother mode, picking at Jiang Cheng’s sleeve. “Why are you wearing Gusu robes? Your alpha picky or something? I’ll punch him in the nose! Then his fancy white robes won’t be so fancy!”
“No, no! It’s mama! She had Biyu-gu make them for me. She said I have to practice.” Jiang Cheng hummed, taking another dumpling from his brother. He leaned in smelling his brother’s warm cinnamon smell for when he was protective. Jiang Cheng didn’t need protection. He wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. “I’m not going anywhere and my alpha gave me butterflies.” he said proudly because they’d been soft grass butterflies that’d been made by Lan Wangji. His faint smell of a bunny and sandalwood had still been on them. “She’ll have you practice too when she finds you one!” He shoved him back.
Wei Wuxian shuddered at the memory. “That creepy old matchmaker looked at my hips,” he said, pouting. “I’m not an omega! Why did she have to grab my hips?” He squirmed, nose scrunched. The old beta’s smell had been oddly strong with perfume. He still felt a bit sick from it, even in memory, like the very thoughts of the woman stunk too. “I hope she finds someone nice… I want someone nice.”
He offered another dumpling and bit into his own, looking out wistfully over the water. Maybe it was silly, but he wanted a simple mated life. He wanted someone to fawn over, and maybe farm with? Someone who liked to eat good food and play! That was the dream. “I wonder who it’ll be,” he hummed and nudged Jiang Cheng’s foot with his own. “Do you like your alpha?” he asked. “Madam Yu said it was… the match of the century? Whatever that means. If you don’t like him, I’ll punch him,” he reminded his baby brother, nose in the air. “And butterflies? How many did you get?”
“Two and I don’t know. He’s been nice to me.” Jiang Cheng answered, wondering how Lan Wangji had felt getting his toy of a husky. It’d been one of the rare gifts his father had given him and despite it only being a toy his shixiong was still scared of it. So he’d sent his most precious toy that he’d been sleeping with to his alpha. Hopefully, Lan Wangji took care of it like he would the butterflies. “And no punching! Remember what mama did last time you did that?” He shivered at how shrill her voice had gotten.
“But you’re my shidi!” Wei Wuxian countered and scooted against him to get his arm around Jiang Cheng’s shoulders. “I don’t mind getting hit or yelled at! You are most important,” he said happily and rubbed his cheek to the other’s, giggling. “Besides, shijie made it all better with her soup!” He gasped just thinking about it. “Do you think she’d make some for us?”
“If not then all we need to do is ask. We know how she loves us best.” Jiang Cheng responded, leaning into Wei Wuxian’s hold. He couldn’t help but feel content. Times like this were the best. “And she’s just making sure you can have young with your mate. You’ll probably have your own sect!” He teased.
“Nuh-uh! I’m your shixiong! Neither of us are going anywhere!” Wei Wuxian clung to him all the more stubbornly. “My mate can come here and we can plant lotus together.” He seemed extra excited about that. “And maybe rice and peppers! Then shijie can always make us yummy food!”
“You really wanna be here? What if where your mate lives is wonderful?” Jiang Cheng asked, laughing at how his shixiong’s scent spiked up. “Besides, you know that shijie is going to go live with that peacock? Mama already said and she seemed so happy when they visited.”
“Then I will cook,” Wei Wuxian pouted again, his lip wobbly at the thought of her being gone. It didn’t last long, however, when a thought occurred to him. “Say, Jiang Cheng! Maybe you can cook too! What do they eat in Gusu?” he asked, thinking of how Jiang Yanli practiced daily to cook for her peacock omega prince. “Maybe your alpha would like to try our food? He’d love your soup!”
“Maybe? His letter mentioned onion and mushroom soup?” Jiang Cheng answered, sounding unsure. It’d been a little line after he’d written about a page and half in regards to his favorite dishes. He’d even sent his alpha his sister's lotus soup recipe.
“Well, let’s go talk to shijie,” Wei Wuxian offered, stuffing the last dumpling into his cheek like a chipmunk and hopping up. He helped Jiang Cheng to his feet. “Remember what she said?” he asked thickly around his chewing. “Food is the path to the heart! Come on!”
He took off running, only pausing once to make sure Jiang Cheng was behind him, and giggled, taking his hand to lead him the rest of the way.
Cloud of Recesses- Lan Wangji: Age 8
In Gusu, the spring sun was a welcome warmth with the breeze that seemed to still carry winter’s chill. Lan Wangji held his betrothed’s little husky to his chest all the tighter with one arm and wrapped his cloak more firmly with the other, cradling the beloved toy into the safety of his chest. It smelt fragrant of green grass, sunshine, and young wheat. He supposed that was what Lotus Pier smelt like, as well as lotus pods and water, and as the head of the plush brushed under his chin, it stirred up the soft, sweet smell, tickling his nose.
Wordlessly, he shuffled through his uncle’s garden, where Lan Qiren grew herbs. He’d read Jiang Cheng’s letter so many times he’d memorized it, as well as the list of foods he didn’t know or recognize. Thankfully, one of their cooks was from Meishan and understood the neighboring Yunmeng’s cuisine, though the list of spices she’d given Lan Wangji to find were very hard to discover. He’d already checked the kitchen gardens, after all, even though the cook had warned him he’d have to go to Caiyi to even find half the list.
Stubbornly, he kept looking. Lan Wangji gently toed at a small green spot and knelt down to brush away some dead leaves around the little marker Lan Qiren had put in. Sage, it read, a good find. But it wasn’t pepper, or chili, or paprika, the first three and most important spices on the list. Thankfully, his uncle had ginger, not too far down the line, and he took care to wipe the marker free of old leaves and early sprouting weeds too. Anything to help his uncle, even in a tiny amount.
He heard footsteps behind him, light and familiar, but didn’t stop, given he’d found a new sprout trying to peek out under a blanket of mulch. He carefully uncovered it and tilted his head, wondering what a ginger plant actually looked like.
“Be careful Wangji or you’ll pull it out before it’s time.” Lan Xichen’s voice said from behind him. A tender smile on his face as he watched his brother hover around the growing ginger sprout. He’d been on his way to visit his shufu when he’d been stopped by Yu Lee. She told him that his brother had been looking for spices.
“Xiongzhang,” Lan Wangji greeted him, standing and turning to face him. He carefully fussed the toy he held close, brushing it off, even though no part of it had touched the ground. Once he was satisfied, he looked down at the ginger again, thoughtful. The name for ginger was phonetically the same as Jiang Cheng’s surname. He wondered if Jiang Cheng was spicy too? Even though he smelt sweet?
Turning back to Lan Xichen, he stepped close to show him his list of spices. “Cook says I need to go to Caiyi for these,” he said softly. “Even shufu does not have the first three in his garden.”
“Oh,” Lan Xichen blinked, taking the list to see what was missing. He could smell the small tinge of unhappiness from his brother at not having found what he needed. Lan Xichen hummed, knowing that they would have to go to Caiyi even before he crouched down to be at his brother’s eye level. “Yu Lee wasn’t wrong Wangji. We will have to visit Caiyi. I think shufu is going there at the end of the week. Perhaps, I can ask if we can go?”
Lan Wangji perked up at that. “Please,” he said, not used to asking for things, but this was for his future mate. It was important. Jiang Cheng had been kind enough to send him a list of foods he liked. The least he could do was learn how to make them. After all, Jiang Cheng was to be a sect leader one day. Lan Wangji’s job was to help him as best he could. He wanted to cook for him, care for him, make the load lighter. That’s what a good mate did! So he would.
Still, it was a bit disappointing that he had to wait. But waiting was its own reward. It gave him time to prepare for all the little bottles he had to store the spices. They needed a box to keep them cool and dry, safe from moisture and weather. That meant...
“Xiongzhang,’ he said, gently tugging on Lan Xichen’s sleeve, “i want to build a spice chest.”
“Would you like me to help you Wangji?” Lan Xichen beamed. His adorable little brother rarely asked for things. His eyes flicked down to the well loved stuffed husky under his brother’s arms. Lan Wangji hadn’t let it go since he’d unwrapped the box it came in.
Lan Wangji nodded, grateful. He didn’t know how to make one, but hopefully his brother did, and if not, he would know who to ask.
“Would you like to start now? I think that Master Peng has some scraps we can use?” Lan Xichen asked, standing up straight.
Another nod, then a hand wrapped around his own. Lan Wangji let himself be led off, holding the little husky close. “Prepare for spices,” he reasoned to his big brother. “Have the bottles already.”
“Of course, one should be prepared for our mates.” Lan Xichen chuckled, though he was serious. Those words had made him wonder what his own mate would be like. His shufu had spoken to many in hopes of finding a match for him. The first had been Jin Zixuan but then Madam Jin and Madam Yu had secured his mating with Jiang Yanli. The next had been Wen Xu from Wen Ruohan. But then Wen Xu’s elder brother died and Wen Xu became the heir and found a mate. His shufu hadn’t pressed for When Chao and he was glad? During the last time he was in the Nightless City the omega hadn’t liked him. He shook his head, pushing those thoughts aside as Lan Wangji lightly squeezed his hand. “Then we must visit the apothecary when in Caiyi unless you want to have special bottles.”
“Got them from Cook,” Lan Wangji said, proud of that. She’d been kind enough to hand him her old bottles when the new allowance had hit, allowing her to buy all new bigger bottles to use for her kitchen. Lan Wangji had thought to fill them with colored sands and rocks, as well as beads and shells, but now with a mate to consider, he wanted them to remain true to their use. They were spice bottles, so spice bottles they would stay.
“I will be prepared for Jiang Cheng,” he promised his brother with all the seriousness he could muster at eight years of age. “Does xiongzhang wish to prepare for a mate too? I will help.”
Lan Xichen blinked at how Jiang Wanyin had gone to Jiang Cheng so quickly. Then his smile thinned as to the question of his own mate. He shook his head. “You will be a good mate for Jiang Wanyin. He is lucky and no, I do not have a mate to prepare for Wangji. I am here to help my didi prepare for his. So, if there’s anything you need help with then just ask me.”
Lan Wangji knew that already, so just nodded seriously and held his brother’s hand more firmly. “ Xiongzhang will make someone very lucky too,” he said solemnly, earnest and confident. His brother was the best person in the world, after all. He deserved the world. “Maybe I can help shufu find someone for xiongzhang?” he wondered, looking to Lan Xichen for approval of the idea. Lan Wangji hadn’t appreciated the last person Lan Qiren had tried to match his brother with. Wen Chao was a brat and a spoiled one. He'd wanted to push his smug face off the mountain.
“I would like that very much.” Lan Xichen smiled cheerfully at him. He knew that his brother meant well. He just hoped that there was someone out for him. “You know me the best and will give Shufu the best advice.”
Lan Wangji preened a little, not that it showed on his face. Still, his eyes were a tad shinier, almost glowing, and his scent warmed in pleasure. He held the husky under his nose to remind his brain what Jiang Cheng smelt like and a tiny smile lit his face. “I will, xiongzhang,” he promised, and promises were forever. “Only the best for you.”
#Don't Like Don't Read!#Lan Wangji#Jiang Cheng#ZhanCheng#Wei Wuxian#Wen Ning#Lan Xichen#mentions of Xianning#mentions of Nielan#arranged marriage from childhood to adults#almost no one dies#slow burn romance#happy ending
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Don't worry, I'm in love with everyone too xndjdj
1: Gundham, obviously
2: Beta! Gundham--
3: Mondo?? Like he is... Perfectly written I love him too much
4: Rantaro.. I'm sorry but.. too precious too good
5: Korekiyo
6- Sonia, I love her but I want her to became mastermind too
7- Kiyotaka.. I love him I love him
8- Kokichi
9- Sakura... She is too precious
10- Nekomaru
Those are all characters I *almost* put on my list! There are so many great characters that having a limit on how many you can choose makes it so difficult!
The writers knew that beta! Gundham would have been too powerful, yet made him just as powerful in his final design. Also anime Gundham 👀
But beta Teruteru is mildly cursed™️
Rantaro my baby. Such an underrated character. I already love him so much just from what we see in v3 but I wish we got to see him for longer and find out more about him.
Korekiyo ahhhh. He’s a lil creepy but he deserves the world. And therapy. Actually they all deserve therapy.
Taka! He deserved better 😔 so I will blatantly ignore canon.
Sakura is such a good character and is so sweet and I love her and I would do anything for her and
Nekomaru is just a Good Guy. Way too underrated for being such a good character who’s just a really nice person.
Ohhh yes Sonia as the mastermind would be so cool! I’ve seen art of a bunch of the characters as masterminds, and they’re all so good! My favourite I’ve seen so far is mastermind chihiro, I think!
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Promo and Live Blogging #6
Ship Your Own Adventure
by
Emblue_Sparks
Mature
Chapter 1 Billie/Crowley; Chapter 2 Sam/Eileen; Chapter 3 Dean/Crowley; Chapter 4 Kevin/Aaron; Chapter 5 Claire/Kaia; Chapter 6 Sam/Gadreel; Chapter 7 Crowley/Mick Davis; Chapter 8 Dean/Benny; Chapter 9 Bobby+ Rufus; Chapter 10 Dean/Castiel
Liveblog
Man Emblue Sparks did their own art! How can I top this?
His beloved Imperium Innocentia never ceased to fill him with wonder, and yet as of late, he'd begun to feel a worrisome unease when visiting. The loyal ferrymen were paid handsomely to usher his precious souls from there to the shores of Elysium and Asphodel Meadows. Neither Castiel nor Gabriel had reported any bumps in the proverbial road, so that couldn't be the source.
To be honest I am rather confused.
The realm was fiercely protected by thousands of wardings and enchantments. His rambunctious rescues were all squeals and delight as their tender souls regained the sweet innocence lost, as was the realms purpose. However, when visiting recently, his grace sensed...not a presence really, but a watchfulness. As if some all seeing eye was casting itself upon it.
So a place in the Scottish highlands is the first circle of hell where all the unborn or unbaptized babies are? Wait Crowley has GRACE? So confused.
Perhaps she'd care for some tea..or Craig? No, no scotch wouldn't do, how would that appear? Lovely to make to your acquaintance. May I invite you into my home for strong spirits on a whim?
I mean I wouldn’t say no, but I am drunk so what are you going to do.
He'd longed to ask her why she felt so familiar. Why in her presence he felt they might have been from another time altogether. A far away memory tiptoed on the edges of recollection just out of his mind's reach. Crowley would spend untold hours in contemplation, opening his mind in hopes the memory in which he sought might emerge from its shy shell and present itself. Alas, to his disappointment, none had stepped forward to claim that missing piece of neurological real estate thus far.
Wow, this is some kind of poetry. Okay there are some major spoilers so I won’t post any more for this chapter. But I want to read more. There are like layers here man.
Chapter Two Notes: Because I cannot abide the logic surrounding Eileen's absence in the finale. Every actor is entitled to their opinion, as are we, the fans. Though I disagree with Jared, I'll defend his right to express his thoughts. But seeing as how this is my interpretation of this pairing, I'm giving Sam and Eileen this ending I feel they deserved because this handling of the finale among other things had me livid.
Ooops, I have not watched the last season. Oh well.
And yet for Sam, the fates had been so unkind. For as his son grew and garnered a beautiful life of his own, one he happily shared with none other than Castiel Fitzgerald, his memory of Eileen began to fade. Once Dean Jr had realized it was happening, he'd prayed.
Dean Jr. and Castiel Fitzgerald are together and Sam is losing his memories. Bittersweet!
"Dean is well, although he misses you. We're happy, he and I. Eileen as well. I've heard your son's prayers. He fears you'll forget her due to your memories' condition. You sustained many concussions throughout your life. She grows..blurry for you, does she not?"
Yeah Sam got hit in the head a lot!
Without warning, Jody walks into his home.
"Saam?"
He turns his head, stunned. She shouldn't be even be driving anymore let alone-
"Yo!"
Anybody home?" Claire and Kaia both called out as they too enter.
Aww I love these girls. Imagine Old Jody still kicking ass and filled with sass.
"Let's get this party started," Jody suggested, busting a bottle of Johnny Walker Black label from her oversized old lady purse.
YES!
Chapter 3 It wasn't the first time he'd watched Dean Winchester sleep, nor would it be the last. But he'd paid close attention when overhearing the very true sentiment expressed, "It's just creepy." Since then he'd taken extra precautions not to make the seraph's mistake.
So it’s Dean and someone not Cas.
Dean was as tenacious as any demon,
It’s Crowley!
They'd had a deliciously rambunctious role in the proverbial hay with triplets earlier that evening.
Yeah I knew they had an orgy!
He began slowly pulling his hand back, so slowly in fact, he hoped it would go unnoticed. However, before it left the warmth of Dean's skin, he felt Dean pointedly grab his hand.
Wow. Yeah. That’s the good stuff.
Chapter 4: You got the job?! Awesome! Well, I knew you would. You're an outstanding accountant," Kevin glowed at his best friend Aaron, whom he'd helped land a position at the same company he worked at.
WOOT KEVIN! I love Kevin. And Aaron. I can see it.
Kevin had found an outstanding job at "Write Your Own Story," a place kind of like Total Rekall, only no memory sorcery involved. His friend Claire and her wife Kaia had inherited a typewriter from a long lost uncle...Megatron or something like that. They discovered its magic and sought to use it for good but also a career. It was gaining steam, paid the bills, but barely out of the beta phase.
Nice! I dig all of this.
Over the next few weeks business boomed with the coming holidays. People wanted to write those they loved beautiful dreams as gifts. And as Kevin discovered, it was all the ink.
I would love to give someone good dreams.
Get out. I can’t believe you would do something like this. And you used a sacred holiday too..ya know what? Nevermind, I'm late for service, make sure you're not here when I get back."
Oh NO!
Chapter 5: "We all missed you and mourned you. Just because we'd just met didn't mean we hadn't looked forward to welcoming you into our little family," Jody declared to Kaia as they pulled out from the bunker and started their five hour journey plus change back to Souix Falls.
I have not watched season 15, did Kaia and Claire get a reunion? I think I remember hearing something about Jody and Kaia. How sweet if she got to bring her home.
"I'm not gonna intervene with you two beyond this, but hearing from Sam all these years about how Dean and Cas keep dancing around each other,
Poor Sam
"It's really you…" the golden lightning in a bottle whispered before slamming into her, squeezing so hard her eyeballs almost popped out.
Nice
Chapter 6 Sam's crushed on the martial arts instructor at the Men of Letters Academy for a year and finally finds an opportunity to do something about it.
I don’t know what this is.
Sam Winchester had been working at the Letters Academy for all of one year as a Professor of Supernatural History and Lore. Dean had graduated ten years prior and was a field agent with a partner of the celestial variety, Castiel. Sam preferred employment on the educational side of operations and prepared his students well, heavily arming them with the knowledge of what was out there and how to effectively neutralize it, if necessary.
Cool. I am down for this
The instructor had joined the academy's faculty the same time as Sam and to say he had a crush on the guy was putting it mildly. His name was Gadreel, and like Dean's partner,
Man they would make a mightily tall couple.
"Heard Max Banes is working through the ranks of Tai Kwon Do pretty fast. Aces all the tests and assignments in my class. Seems pretty motivated.." Sam tossed out for conversation.
Before Covid I was doing pretty well with Taekwondo. I have not kept up.
"Those are effective, until knocked out of your hand or your mag runs out. Come by sometime, I'll show you some stuff..if you want."
Yeah Ill show you some stuff too. In my pants!
"Private lessons I see, Gadreel. I'd no idea they were on the table. Perhaps we can come to some..arrangement." Sam looked up to see Arthur Ketch standing in the doorway aiming a lascivious grin at Gadreel.
EWWW. Can we say creepy
It had Sam considering the length of his wingspan.
Wingspan… Sure
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Episode 29: The One where WWX is the Grandmaster of Self-Loathing and It Kills Me
~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND ALREADY
WHICH MEANS WE’RE STARTING THE EPISODE WITH QUALITY WANGXIANTICS
Actually the whole episode has High Quality wangxiantics and then it guts you with depressing feelings ahahaha
bc apparently we’re not allowed to have nice things without Suffering™
So they’re sharing a meal at some meal-selling place in Yiling (idk guys, is it a winehouse? a teahouse?? An inn??? DOESN’T MATTER)
Lwj and wwx are sitting on either side of the table looking somber
I guess they’re feeling awkward maybe??
Idk why, it’s weird
A-Yuan starts frolicking around lwj and wwx gets all antsy about it
He’s all hey, stop bothering lan zhan, come here!
And A-Yuan is all like, NO, I DON’T WANNA and clambers oNTO LWJ’S LAP
IT’S TOO ADORABLE
Wwx starts to scold him but lwj is like NO NO, THIS IS FINE
Wwx teases a-yuan
He’s all, oh, i see how it is, you’ll just chuck me to the side for anyone who’s willing to buy you stuff, huh?
Like i said before, a-yuan is a smart cookie
Then a-yuan takes a seat and goes to town on a bowl of soup.
I understand, a-yuan, i love soup too.
And then he calls wwx to get his attention SO HE CAN SPOON-FEED HIM A BIT OF HIS SOUP AND IT’S TOO CUTE
Wwx is like, oh, so you DO still love me!
Lwj watches this go down and then informs A-Yuan very somberly of the lan fam rule “no talking during meals”
That’s RIGHT
LWJ JUST DAD’D THE HECK OUT OF HIM
A-yuan continues to chow down on his food but definitely stops talking
Wwx is offended and aghast that a-yuan obeys lwj so easily and he complains to lwj that he has to repeat himself SEVERAL TIMES before a-yuan listens to him
Lwj: silence during meals. You too.
Wwx just smiles at the ridiculous rule and continues talking
Wwx: you haven’t changed one bit.
Wwx: you know, i know my way around this town, i can be your tour guide!!
Lwj pointedly does not take him up on his offer AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY, IT’S NOT LIKE HE DOESN’T WANT TO SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH WWX ANYWAY
Wwx: lan zhan, you’re a terrible liar. You aren’t in town for me, are you?
And still lwj doesn’t respond???
IT’S BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID LAN FAM RULE, ISN’T IT??
TALK TO YOU SOULMATE, DAMN IT
WHO CARES IF YOU’RE HAVING A MEAL WHILE YOU’RE AT IT
Wwx: you know, i was gonna invite you over to my place but if you’re just gonna nag at me about my demonic cultivation and how i should meditate or whatever, then forget about it
Wwx: i can control myself! I don’t need anyone to save me.
Lwj: wei ying
Wwx: lan zhan, i finally bump into someone i know who doesn’t try to avoid me...it’s been a boring couple of months, why don’t you tell me about any big events happening?
Lwj: what do you mean by big events?
Wwx: idk, like if there’s any new clans or if any clans expanded or made new alliances...just chit chat! Anything is fine.
Lwj: a marriage
Wwx: a marriage? Which clans?
he sounds so excited to get some juicy gossip here
It’s not gonna last long
Lwj: the jin clan and jiang clan
Wwx: do you mean my sister---Lady Jiang and Jin Zixuan?
Oh god it HURTS
He corrected himself when he called jyl his sister
BECAUSE HE’S NOT PART OF THEIR CLAN ANYMORE
And then he plasters on a smile TO HIDE HOW HURT HE IS THAT THIS IS ALL HAPPENING WITHOUT HIM and asks when the wedding will be
WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE TWO WEEKS AWAY
And his face iS ALL SAD AND HE’S STILL TRYING TO MUSTER UP SMILES
He’s all, such a big event and jc didn’t even try to tell me about it!
Wwx: even if he told me about it, what could i do then? I defected officially and have no ties to them. What could i do if he had told me?
Wwx: *chugs wine*
Alcohol, wwx, we’ve talked about the alcohol thing. Please stop drinking.
LWJ CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT HIM RIGHT NOW BC HIS SOULMATE IS HURTING AND THERE’S NOTHING HE CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER
Wwx: lan zhan, what do you think about this marriage? Oh, right, you don’t care about this sort of thing.
Wwx: i know everyone says that my sister doesn’t deserve jzx, but in MY eyes, that peacock doesn’t deserve her!
He slams down his wine jar and his voice gets all upset
And little a-yuan reaches out and grabs wwx’s wrist TO COMFORT HIM, PRECIOUS DARLING BABY
Wwx: She deserves the best man in the world!! JC and i promised her a grand wedding that would be remembered forever!! No other wedding would compare!!
Wwx: and it doesn’t even matter because i won’t be able to go anyway.
AND HE HAS THE SADDEST SMILE ON HIS FACE
Obviously he takes another swig of wine here because alcohol makes everything better in wwx’s book, which is a lie but since when does anyone listen to me
Lwj: wei ying
And lwj was about to say something else but they get interrupted by wwx’s home alarm talisman informing him that’s something going down in the burial mounds
So wwx grabs a-yuan and dashes out the door
Lwj is quick enough on his feet to remember to pay for the meal and grab a-yuan’s toys (very important, very important, it’s why a-yuan likes him right now) and then follows wwx
Wwx: lan zhan, why are you following us??
Lwj: wei ying, where’s your Magic Ghostbusting Sword?
Wwx: uhhhh...i forgot it at home?
Lol, lwj doesn’t even bother to respond to that. He just grabs a-yuan and runs with wwx all the way back to the burial mounds
OH NO, THERE’S RESENTFUL ENERGY EVERYWHERE BEATING PEOPLE UP AND MAKING A MESS OF THINGS
Holy crap, wwx does this really impressive Dramatic Twirl and magically slams the resentful energy away
HE’S SUCH A BADASS
IT’S ALL IN THE ~TWIRL~ BABY
Lwj hands a-yuan off to granny while wwx gets the low-down
Turns out Wen Ning sort of woke up but is not, like, all there or smth idk
It’s sad seeing wen ning all violent and mean like this when he’s such a gentle soul :(
ON THE PLUS SIDE, we get to see wwx and lwj work together to save him!!
Surprisingly, the flying here is not super cringey, it’s only mildly awful
LWJ HAS GOT HIS GUQIN OUT AND PROCEEDS TO GUQIN THE HECK OUT OF WEN NING
Also, i love how it kind of looks like he “powers up” his guqin attack by making that circular motion over the strings? The accompanying music from that motion really makes it seem like it’s charging up. I like it.
While lwj is guqin’ing wen ning to stay in one place, wwx goes ninja-fast and slaps like, ALL the talismans on wen ning and activates them simultaneously
And between the two of them, they manage to save wen ning from being a mindless zombie forever!! I mean, he’s still a zombie but he’s got his mind back! EVERYONE’S REALLY HAPPY, INCLUDING ME.
Wwx to wen ning: how are you feeling?
Wn: i feel like crying
LOL ME TOO WN THAT’S USUALLY HOW I FEEL LIKE WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME THAT
Wn: ...but i can’t
Oh.
I take back my lol
Not being able to cry when you want to is actually super depressing.
Lwj: you did it *is impressed*
Wwx: of course! I’m a man of my word. Hey, since you’re already here, why don’t you visit for a bit?
Cut to wwx and lwj walking into the cave that wwx calls home
Lwj: ...it’s called the demon-subdue palace?
Wwx: YEP! I named it myself!!
Wwx: now, i know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s a terrible name, BUT THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG
Wwx: see, i know everyone thinks i’m, like, evil or whatever and this is the place i sleep most often.
Wwx: a cave with a demonic man lying down in it all the time? Of course it should be called demon-subdue palace lololol
Me: *facepalm* stop….stop naming things, wwx.
Wwx: let me show you around!
I would like to point out that they walk past the ONE BED in the cave to start the tour
This ONE BED in this SPECIFIC CAVE has featured in many a wonderful fic! And should continue to feature in many more wonderful fics
Wwx: this here is my Blood Pool! It’s where i heal up and buff my stats, just like you have your Cold Spring! Except mine has water that smells like blood and comes out of that creepy giant stone face thing
Lwj looks rightfully concerned
And also, i am offended on his behalf that wwx would compare this creepy ass pool to the cold spring. How very dare.
Oh man, they’re about to have a Serious Conversation
BUT IT’S BETTER THAN THEIR LAST SERIOUS CONVERSATION
Because this time they actually talk things out
(see, lwj can learn from his mistakes!)
Lwj: wei ying...can you really control it?
Wwx: control what? Wen ning? Of course I can! Look at him, he’s all better!
Lwj: what if he loses himself again?
Wwx: i’m a pro at handling his rampages now. As long as i have Plot Device 2, nothing will happen to him!
Lwj: but what if something happens to you or Plot Device 2?
Wwx: it won’t
Lwj: how can you be sure?
Wwx: it won’t and it can’t!
Lwj: you want to keep it this way from now on?
Wwx: what’s wrong with that? Don’t underestimate this land! It’s bigger than YOUR land and the food here tastes better too!
Lwj: wei ying, you know what i mean
Wwx: lan zhan, i’m trying to avoid the topic and you keep talking about it!!
Then their Serious Conversation gets derailed bc wwx starts coughing. Which might not seem like a big deal but it is
Lwj: your injuries…
And here lwj grabs at wwx’s wrist but wwx yanks it back real fast
Bc the wrist is where they check for spiritual energy or smth and we all know wwx doesn’t have that anymore, since he GAVE UP HIS GOLDEN CORE
Wwx: no need. Why use spiritual energy for such a small wound. I can just sit here and let it heal on its own
LOL, WE’RE GETTING A FUN BIT HERE TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THAT SERIOUS STUFF BEFORE
Wen Qing walks in and is all, what, my badass doctor skills aren’t good enough for you? I could totally heal you
Wwx: what are you doing here interrupting my date with lwj. Are you done crying already?
Wq: i’ll make you cry
Wwx: pffft, yeah right
Wq: *goes and hits wwx in the back*
Wwx: *coughs up blood*
Yeahhh, i wouldn’t want to go toe-to-toe with wen qing unless she asked me to and then i would happily do whatever she wanted
Wwx: you’re so cruel! *swoons like some maiden*
Lwj: wei ying! *catches him all gallantly*
WWX YOU LITTLE FAKER, YOU JUST WANTED LWJ TO HOLD YOU
And we know this bc wen qing pulls out her Very Scary Medical Needles and wwx wisely RUNS AWAY even tho he was all “passed out” two seconds before
And after that fun bit, the show makes me sad about tea somehow. I don’t even like tea.
Wwx is all, wen ning, why are you serving our guest water?? How embarrassing, go get the tea!
And wen ning is all, but there’s no tea??
Then wwx is like, well we gotta get tea for next time we have guests
There’s a hella awkward pause
Wwx: that’s right, we won’t have any more guests…
THIS STUPID SHOW IS GIVING ME FEELINGS ABOUT TEA
MY ONE TEA OBSESSED FRIEND HAS BEEN TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL STUFF FOR TEA FOR YEARS WITH NO SUCCESS
AND THIS, LIKE, TWO MINUTE SCENE MADE ME SAD ABOUT TEA
Anyway.
We cut to the next scene which has wwx walking lwj out of the burial mounds and we’re getting another Serious Conversation
Wwx: lan zhan, you asked me if i intended to keep things the way they are now. Tbh, i also would like to know what else i could do besides this.
Wwx: give up my crafty tricks and turn over Plot Device 2? What happens to the Wens? Do i turn them in? I can’t do that.
Wwx: i believe if you were me, you wouldn’t be able to do that either
WHY IS HE SUCH A GOOD PERSON. WWX IS BETTER THAN ALL THE OTHER CULTIVATORS PUT TOGETHER
Wwx: can anyone give me any better options? One where i can protect those i want to protect without using demonic cultivation?
He says this so passionately. HE JUST WANTS TO PROTECT PEOPLE. HE’S WILLING TO DO OTHER THINGS IF IT MEANS HE CAN STILL PROTECT PEOPLE BUT HE CAN’T!!! AND I AM DISTRESSED.
Lwj doesn’t say anything in response.
He knows wwx is right and there’s nothing he can do to make things better for him
Wwx: lan zhan, thank you for your company today. And thank you for telling me about my sister’s wedding
HE SAYS THIS WITHOUT LOOKING AT LWJ AND HE LOOKS LIKE EVERY WORD HIS HURTING HIM BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL WORDS HE’S USING TO SAY GOODBYE AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO LWJ.
And before i can start crying, A-Yuan appears to make me feel better!!!
He’s latched onto lwj’s leg again (bc i mean, honestly, who wouldn’t??)
And he’s asking lwj to stay for dinner!!
Wwx: a-yuan come here. Lan zhan has his own food at home. He won’t be eating with us here.
A-yuan: but i heard a secret! I heard there was going to be lots of tasty food today!
Wwx scolds a-yuan for half a second before turning to look at lwj WITH THE MOST HOPEFUL EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE
HE WANTS LAN ZHAN TO STAY FOREVER FOR DINNER TOO
But for some unfathomable reason lwj looks at a-yuan and says that he is leaving.
WHY
YOU WANT TO STAY THERE TOO
WHY MUST YOU TWO MAKE THINGS SO DIFFICULT FOR ME YOURSELVES
Wwx gives this stiff, sharp nod like, yeah, of course of course, i knew that, this doesn’t kill me inside AT ALL
Lwj walks off and wwx + a-yuan make their way towards the burial mounds
A-yuan: will the rich man ever visit us again?
Wwx: what rich man?
A-yuan: the one from just now!
Wwx yoinks the toy butterfly from a-yuan’s hand here
Wwx: you really like him that much, don’t you?
And he holds the toy out of reach and teases him
A-yuan: give it back! He bought that for me
Wwx: no! I won’t give it back until you say i’m your favorite
And this entire adorable scene is being watched by lwj who is just a ways away
I’d say he’s lurking like a creeper, but Hanguang-jun is too honorable and handsome to be called a creeper by anyone ever.
BUT he is lurking.
He looks all solemn
A-yuan tells wwx what he wants to hear and gets his toy back.
Unfortunately wwx’s distraction tactic didn’t work
A-yuan: so will the rich man come back or not?
Wwx: probably not
A-yuan: Why??
Wwx: there’s no reason why. In this world, everyone has their own paths to walk.
A-yuan: oooh
Lol, he nods like yeah, i totally understand what you’re telling me bc i’m a big kid who can know things. HOW CUTE!
AND HERE WE GET THAT QUOTE. THAT IMPORTANT ONE. THE ONE THAT IS LATER USED AS A PUBLIC LOVE CONFESSION.
Wwx: who needs the crowded, broad avenue? I’ll stick to my single-log bridge until it’s dark.
Lwj is still here, watching. And he hears wwx say this.
Lwj doesn’t turn to walk away for real until wwx and a-yuan are out of sight
HE WANTED TO SEE THEM FOR AS LONG AS HE COULD
I’M TOTALLY NOT TORN UP ABOUT THIS
I’M CHILL AND COLLECTED FOR REAL
Then we cut to wwx arriving back at the demon-subdue palace where there’s a surprise dinner party!!
AND A-YUAN GETS SO ADORABLY EXCITED OVER THE ABUNDANCE OF FOOD, I LOVE IT SO MUCH i get excited about food too, a-yuan!!
This whole thing here is very sweet and this is when we really see wwx accept the wens as his family rather than as his moral obligation
As the @theuntamednarrator said, they gave him homemade liquor! That’s the one guaranteed way to our sunshine boy’s heart!!
It’s all super sweet, like i said, until wwx gets himself plastered. Then it takes a turn towards the Hella Depressing.
I really want to skip over it because it really is HELLA DEPRESSING AND STILL MAKES ME LEGIT CRY ACTUAL TEARS EVERY TIME I WATCH IT
but i can’t because it’s got some wangxiantics and this is a wangxiantics guide
So everyone at the dinner party drinks until they pass out, basically.
Except for wen qing, who is completely sober, and wwx who is an alcoholic with an inhumanly high tolerance apparently
He’s all flushed and red-eyed tho
Wwx: wen qing, the first time i saw Lan Zhan was when i snuck Emperor’s Smile into the Cloud Recesses
He laughs here, remembering; it’s all cute here for a bit.
Wwx: it’s too bad you didn’t see his face, his stony face...but the emperor’s smile is really good. I wonder if i’ll ever get a chance to drink it again
And his entire demeanor changes here. He started out more or less cheerfully reminiscing about his first meeting with lwj but in that last bit his whole posture droops and he gets the saddest look on his face
Wen qing notices this, but is kind enough to pretend not to by focusing on wiping down that table.
Wwx: i’m a good for nothing
OH GOD
Wwx: i promised my sister i would help her hold the most splendid wedding in the world
FUCK, HERE COME MY TEARS
And wen qing fucking freezes here eVEN SHE KNOWS THIS IS GONNA HURT
Wwx: but now, i can’t even attend the wedding
Wwx: i’m completely useless, i am completely useless
SHIT, GOD DAMN IT, I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO CRY WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMN TISSUES
Wwx: i am completely useless
HAVE MERCY, HAVE MERCY ON MY POOR HEART, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
So while i’m fucking sobbing out every ounce of moisture in my body, we cut to the cloud recesses and we see lwj kneeling in front of a set of closed doors
(we’re not going to dwell too long on that because i’m already in fucking shambles from two seconds ago and i can’t handle any more Family-Related Sadness right now)
He’s on his knees, with his arms outstretched holding two long, heavy bamboo sticks
There are disciples scurrying around and avoiding the scene, like oh shit, better not get in the middle of that
Lwj’s head is ever so slightly bowed, still as a statue, and completely blankfaced
And we get ~their song~ BUT WITH VOCALS THIS TIME
THE FIRST TIME WE HEAR THE VOCALS WITHIN THE SHOW
YOU KNOW
THE VOCALS THAT ARE SUNG BY THE ACTORS PLAYING OUR BELOVED LWJ AND WWX???
YEAH
THOSE VOCALS
BECAUSE I WASN’T FEELING ENOUGH INTENSE EMOTION YET
The scene starts off in the daylight and we see him enduring this punishment
HOURS go by bc it’s dark and there’s a good inch of snow accumulated around him by the time some random lan cultivator dismisses him
Lwj gets up GRACEFULLY (bc that is his default mode, i guess?? HOW??) and there’s a literal patch on the ground completely devoid of snow bc that’s how long and still he kneeled there for, holy shit.
And he walks away calmly
There’s no more wangxiantics in this episode
But show-runners decided they didn’t want to COMPLETELY DESTROY OUR SOULS just yet so they give us an anticlimactic but kind of cute ending to the episode
We get to see that there are “yiling patriarch disciples” who are actually frauds in terrible cosplay trying to sell mediocre talismans at high prices
and wwx is all “who the heck are these guys, wait, i don’t actually care”
We get to see that the wens are slowly starting to prosper in their little corner of the burial mounds
Also, somebody built a shrine and left food offerings at the entrance to the burial mounds?? Which, hey, wwx doesn’t say no to free food and neither do i because what kind of crazy person turns down free food??
And, i mean, that’s basically it?? Like i said super anticlimactic
SO WHO ELSE HERE IS SITTING IN A PUDDLE OF TEARS NOW? ANYBODY?? ANYBODY???? PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME CRYING BY MYSELF, THAT WOULD BE PATHETIC, I CAN’T HELP IT IF I HAVE A HEART FULL OF FEELINGS
Return to Masterpost
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Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander
Thoughts on Ep. 509
So this episode had some all-to-brief moments I really liked, a moment where I was definitely laughing at it and not with it, and a whole lot of Jamie being an ableist douchecanoe with a side of toxic masculinity.
The scene where Marsali calls Claire her Ma is the sweetest fucking thing. I have diabetes now. Their relationship is literally like my favorite thing about this season. (What little we’ve actually gotten of it...)
Also thank fuck she’s not gonna be preggo anymore. I swear, she’s gonna pop out a walking, talking toddler.
Also it took me longer to type that than the scene took. Can we please get more good character stuff that lasts more than fucking 0.5 seconds? Is that really too much to ask?
Hard pass on the Bree and Roger stuff, but I am 1000% here for babies swearing so Jem can stay.
Did they cast a blonde baby though so it could pass as Bonnet’s? Or did they not actually put any thought into that?
Jamie shading Roger when he asks Bree to go hunting is like the only time he’s not a douchenozzle this episode.
I know we’re supposed to be like fully on board with Roger by this point, since Jamie is by the end of the episode, but nah. I’m cool with still not liking or caring about him.
There is so much grunting and groaning in this episode it’s like the opposite of an ASMR video.
The noises in this episode are like the equivalent of someone saying “moist” over and over.
Oh hey, my favorite color! DYE ALL THE THINGS!
Seriously though, Lizzie is like that weird kid in high school that never actually has a glow up. “It’s a good day for dyeing.” I’m sorry the writers hate you so much, Lizzie.
Omfg, finally, a Claire and Bree scene that is [mostly] not about men! More of these, please. And more of Claire and Marsali. And more of Bree and Marsali. Can we please have an episode of just the ladies where the men are never mentioned?
But gee, I wonder if Bree’s engineering is gonna come back at some point this episode. Hmmm...
Ok they’ve talked about going back like almost every episode. Can Bree and fam please just go back in the finale and get it over with?
Irrationally angry at Roger for how much time he wastes just dicking around the woods because he has no idea where anything is.
Also like, buddy, if you shoot off your gun and then immediately peace out, folks are gonna come looking for you in the wrong spot...
Omfg, Jamie is like literally dying and the priority is to tell someone to go do some murder. Yes, Bonnet is straight garbage. Def won’t be sad when he’s dead, and given how he has everyone who’s anyone in his pocket, murder’s probs the only way to get rid of him. But like, take the testosterone down a notch, bro.
Jamie went from “stay and take care of the Ridge” to “all y’all gotta get the fuck outta here” *rull* quick.
Aaand is this the start of Roger wanting to be a minster? Jamie talked about his father the soldier, but he wants to follow in his other father’s footsteps? Def would be a better fucking reason than “I wanna get close and friendly with the ladies in a way that’s mildly creepy and don’t want people to think I’m cheating.”
“Dinna tell me ye don’t have snakes in yer time.” Ok but like Marsali is right there. Are we supposed to assume she knows? I swear to fuck if we got cheated out of her and Fergus finding out about Claire...
Nurse!Marsali is legit my favorite and my favorite adaptive choice the show made in a long fucking time.
Claire telling Jamie she doesn’t need to inject the penicillin into his bum is the fucking cutest.
Glad they did the “you’re not yelling at me so I must be dying” scene, it’s adorable. One good thing before Jamie turns into a twat.
Like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you, buddy. He’s obsessed with being “whole”. Always has been. It’s lowkey a bit gross, tbh.
Ableism is never a good look, bro.
Like oh hey, Claire, you left everything and traveled through time to come be with me, but if I can’t have my leg, then sorry, that’s just a sacrifice I’m not willing to make. Fuck you, dude. Fuuuck you.
“Well people of this time see the child as proof that... That you were a willing participant, because God wouldna allow a child to be conceived through... Rape.” IT’S NOT JUST THAT TIME, ROGER. WE STILL LIVE IN THE BAD PLACE.
“It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare,” Mr. Akin said of pregnancies from rape. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."
Friendly reminder that the Republican Party is evil and if you support them you are a garbage person or an idiot. :)
I said what I said, @ me and get blocked.
Literalol at Bree getting punted by a fucking buffalo. Like that is the most unintentionally hilarious fucking thing ever.
Like seriously, that bit was dumb af in the book and it’s dumber af here because the CGI or whatever the fuck composite it was is so fucking terrible.
I fucking love that Claire and Bree talk to each other like equals. The mutual love and respect there is great. More of them together, please and thank you.
But also like, fuck Jamie for making Claire thing she’d lose his love if she saves his life by taking his leg. Fuck him, selfish asshat. What a fucking bastard.
She’d risk losing his love to save him. She loves him that much. And he’s willing to make her feel this pain because he doesn’t want to be crippled.
CLAIRE FUCKING ELIZABETH FUCKING BEAUCHAMP FUCKING DESERVES FUCKING BETTER. FUCK.
Young Ian calling Jamie on his complete and utter offensive bullshit is my fucking everything.
FUCKING PREACH, YOUNG IAN. FUCKING PREACH.
Put some respect on Ian Murray’s name, James Fraser. And show some fucking respect for your fucking son.
YOUNG IAN AND FERGUS, MY BROTP RIDES AGAIN!
I love this scene between the them. I really hope we get more with the two of them. GIVE ME ALL THE FRASER KIDDO BONDING, YOU COWARDS.
Marsali and Fraser are literally my favorite couple on the whole damn show. Can Young Ian move in with them and then the whole show can just be about that squad? Because ngl, I’d watch the fuck out of it.
Gah, I want to feel what they want me to feel with this scene between Jamie and Claire. This should be my brand of angst. But they made Jamie be such a twat that all I feel is sorry for Claire that she’s going through this.
I WANNA GIVE CLAIRE A HUG OK.
LOOOOOOL THE RESUSCITATIVE HANDJOB!
(Named such by Bonnie.)
Fuck you that it took a deathbed handy to realize that you should fucking live, Jamie.
Yes, I know it’s Claire that made him live, but she was literally there all day begging to save him and he fucking blew her off. Fuck that guy.
Fergus is a fucking adorable father. Fergus is fucking adorable in general. I just fucking love Fergus a lot.
His face when Marsali goes into labor is fucking hilariously precious.
Oh hey, Jamie realizes he was a dick! I can’t remember the last time that happened. Notice how he doesn’t actually say he’s sorry though. He never, ever does that. That’s just asking too much of our oh so glorious king of men. *vomits onto keyboard*
MIT to the rescue! (Did they ever say Bree transferred in the show? Or are they still pretending like women went to Harvard at that time?)
Claire talking to babies is my kink.
Aaand just like that, the toxic masculinity is back in full force. Le sigh.
I’m so tired of men, tbh.
Except Adso. And Fergus. And Jem. And Germain. And Young Ian.
Ok so Jamie resigned himself to die after Culloden. And I get that. I fucking 100% get that. He thought Claire was gone. Him being alive was a risk to Jenny and Ian’s family. But here? He resigned himself to die? Instead of fighting like hell to survive? To stay with his wife? His daughter? His son? His nephew? His grandkids? Fuck you, Jamie Fraser. Fuck you that fighting for them wasn’t your first choice.
I came back because I have to fight in a war. God says so. Ugh.
Like yes, there is a war coming. And as we’ve been beaten over the head with for years, ThE pAsT iS dAnGeRoUs FoR tHe LaDiEs so he needs to be there to protect them. But like come on, dude. That can be a secondary reason. I know he’s like oh I don’t need to say I came back because I love you because you know I’ll always love you. But like, maybe fucking prioritize it here, bro. Just a thought.
Ugh, men.
#EternalMood
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Love your stories! They're so extraordinary and you're one of my favorite authors! Here's a prompt for you "You fell asleep on the plane and I started making funny faces at your kid to keep him amused and the steward mistook us for a couple." Thanks!
The gif totally applies if you use your imagination, I swear. Also, thank you for your kind words, Anon! For you to say that is so sweet, and it caused a smile to bloom on my face when I got this prompt a few weeks ago as well as right now :D
After being home in London for three months, a part of him wants to stay with his family, his mum, Liam, and Liam’s wife and children, but a much larger part of him aches for the familiarity of his flat in Boston that he’s lived in for the past decade. That is home to him now, and he knows that the ache of missing his family will fade until it is bearable the longer he is away from them and the more miles he puts between them. He’s thought about packing up and moving back across the pond more times than he could count over the years, but something has kept him living in America. He has just never been quite sure what that mysterious call to stay has been. Maybe it is the novelty of living somewhere new, though Boston is as familiar to him as London now. Maybe it is the fact that as much as he loves his family, England holds some of his worst memories. Or maybe it is simply because he’s built a life for himself in America. He has a job he actually enjoys, mates to spend time with, and a place to rest his head that is all his.
However, none of that keeps the sting of saying goodbye to his family from affecting him as he boards the plane that will take him home. Some of that is likely due to the fact that it is five in the morning, and his head pounds behind his eyes so ferociously that his eyes may as well come out of their sockets. As he settles down into his seat, a blessed window seat for the long journey ahead of him, he thinks that maybe the flight won’t be so bad. Maybe he’ll get some sleep. And then a woman and a small babe that can’t be older the half of a year slide into the seat next to him, and while they are quiet now, he knows that they won’t stay that way for the next eight hours. He doesn’t blame them for it. That is simply the nature of children and is to be expected when you spend any amount of time with an infant.
He is just so damn tired.
The woman and her lad are mostly silent for the first hour of the trip as her boy sleeps and she watches a movie on the screen attached to the seat ahead of her. He finds that despite his tiredness and the pounding of his head, he becomes distracted by his neighbors. He can’t outright stare at her without making her uncomfortable (and frankly being creepy), but he does manage to pick up on a few things. She’s got long blonde hair that is twisted into intricate braids that remind him of the way Liam’s wife wears her hair. He’s never quite understood how women do anything but a simple braid down their back, and he’s curious about it as stray pieces of her hair fly away from their constraints and land near his shoulders in the cramped seats. He believes that she has green eyes hidden under the blonde of her eyelashes, and he wonders if her son has matching emerald orbs as well. The lad’s got a small hat on, but his brown hair pokes out underneath it from where it’s gotten mused during his slumber. He must get that from his father.
Where is his father?
It’s none of Killian’s business, but when you’re trapped in a flying vessel for hours on end you become fascinated with your seatmates. He once rode next to a woman who was allowed to bring her cat with her, and she spoke to the cat for the entire three-hour plane ride.
He’s mildly allergic to cats.
It was hell.
Just as he gets lost in his musings, the lad begins to stir, his small eyes fluttering open to reveal the darkest brown eyes he’s ever seen in a child so young. He looks nothing like his mum, and that shocks him a bit as the only children he knows are the perfect combination of their parents. But he also doesn’t know much about kids, so he wouldn’t use himself as an example of infant expertise.
The lad starts to fuss a bit, small cries emanating from his mouth, and the woman’s eyes shoot away from the movie screen to look down at her boy.
“Oh crap,” she mutters, taking her headphones out and adjusting him while she reaches down to look for her bag that’s stuffed under her seat, shuffling through the contents trying to find whatever the item is that seems to be alluding her. She’s obviously flustered and trying to balance everything in her lap while the plane hits a bit of turbulence doesn’t help he cause.
“Love?” he questions, tapping on her shoulder so that she’ll look at him, her green eyes (he was right) blown wide like she’s been shocked until they squint and her brows furrow almost like she’s angry at him.
“I know, I know. I’m annoying for bringing a baby on a plane, but I’m trying to keep him as quiet as possible, I swear.”
She’s obviously not had good experiences traveling with her son before, and he doesn’t want her to think he’s cross with her. He simply wants to help out for everyone’s sanity.
“It’s not that. I was just going to suggest that I hold the lad for you while you search through your bag. Or maybe I could search through the bag to help you find whatever it is you’re looking for if you’re not comfortable with me holding him.”
“Would you,” she begins, her lips parted in surprise, “you’d do that? You’re not pissed that you’re sitting next to the woman with the crying baby? You actually want to help.”
He was at first, but that’s just because he was bloody exhausted. He still is, but he’s pushing that aside. “I’m not pissed, no. He’s nothing but a wee one. He can’t help that he’s crying. You can’t either.”
“I mean, he’ll stop crying if I feed him, but I can’t find my nursing stuff to take to the bathroom. Plus, the entire plane is shaking, and I’m pretty sure I’ll get yelled at for moving around. Or I’ll bust my ass.”
He reaches up to scratch at his ear, suddenly nervous for a reason he can’t quite pick out. It’s like he’s scared of what this woman who he doesn’t know will think of him, and he’s never been one to worry about others he’ll never see again. “If you’d like to switch seats with me for more privacy, you can feed him here. It’s not a bother to me, but I know others can be prickly about that.”
She rolls her eyes before she smiles, and something in his stomach stirs. “You have no idea.”
He and the woman manage to switch seats with only a little fuss and one pointed stare from their flight attendant before she’s feeding her boy, the cries stopping and the woman sighing in relief.
“My name is Emma, by the way. I feel like if you’ve seen part of my boob you should probably know that. Though, I can say that hasn’t always been a true fact.”
He chuckles, mostly because he doesn’t know what to do as he did, in fact, accidentally see part of her breast, but also because the lass manages to have a sense of humor when at least fifteen people on this plane likely want to yell at her.
“I’m Killian, and I fear if I show you something equal I’ll both be a horrible human being and get arrested.”
“So your chest is that scary then?”
Oh, she’s feisty then. He can appreciate that.
“Like Wolverine’s.”
Emma snorts, and as awkward as it is, he finds himself smiling at her. “I don’t know if I’d constitute that as scary, just hairy.”
“That’s scary to some women.”
“A human being exited my body, so I don’t think something as simple as chest hair is going to scare me. To be honest, I kind of like it.”
He kind of likes her.
He and Emma talk for the next couple hours of their flight. He learns that she was in London visiting her brother who had yet to meet his nephew due to the distance between London and Boston. He’d offered to pay for her flights so that she could come, and she accidentally let it slip that it was the first time she’d had any help with Henry (that’s the lad’s name) since he was born. That’s what allows him to piece together his question about Henry’s father and where he is. Okay, so only some of the questions. He’s got many more about how a man could leave a woman as captivating as Emma and a child as precious as Henry, but it’s none of his business so he presses no further.
He does check to see if she’s wearing a ring, though. He can’t help himself.
She doesn’t share much about herself, but she doesn’t have to for him to know that she’s brilliant with a quick wit and very obviously gorgeous. He finds that he may be a bit infatuated with the woman he’s just met, and even if she is the dreaded “woman with a baby on a plane”, she’s the best seatmate he’s ever had.
Take that cat woman who was most definitely not Halle Berry.
Emma would probably be better than Halle Berry anyways. The altitude may be causing him to lose his marbles.
About halfway through their flight, Emma leaves with Henry to change his diaper, and when she comes back, he finally notices the bags under her eyes that most likely match his.
“Emma, love, I can hold him if you want to take a nap.”
She hesitates and brings her bottom lip between her teeth while she studies him. She’s obviously not used to help, and he can understand her not trusting him fully. He’s a stranger, and she can’t just be handing her baby off to anyone, even if they are on a plane where he can’t run off with the lad.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“Okay, just, um, if he starts fussing and I don’t wake up, wake me okay?”
“You’ve got it, love.”
Emma hands Henry over to him, and after she checks to see that he won’t fuss being in Killian’s arms, she settles herself down against the window, propping her head on the sweater she’s bunched up and falling asleep more quickly than anyone he’s ever seen fall asleep while on an airplane. It’s almost like magic.
“Alright, lad,” he bounces Henry up and down on his leg until he’s adjusted enough in his lap, “let’s see if we can find something colorful for you and me to watch while mummy sleeps.”
If you’d asked him five hours ago if he’d spend part of his flight watching cartoons and quietly singing nursery rhymes while he tickles a baby’s stomach and makes funny faces, he’d have said no. He’d have said bloody hell no, actually. But he’s somewhere over the Atlantic with a woman’s head resting on his shoulder as she sleeps (his heart rate is most definitely not beating at a normal pace anymore) while her child clings to his neck and is softly puttering against his skin, the both of them drooling onto his shirt. He doesn’t…mind it, actually. He kind of likes it, likes the fact that he’s helping out a kind soul simply because he can.
Plus, it keeps him busy, and the time seems to pass by much more quickly, and for the first time in his life while flying, he doesn’t actually want that.
Emma’s been out for about an hour and a half when the flight attendants start making their rounds for drinks, and he’s not sure if he should wake her or not to see if she wants a cup of coffee. He doesn’t get the chance, though, because the attendant is speaking to him before he even realizes it.
“Would you or your wife like a cup of coffee? Water? A soft drink?”
“Oh, um, she’s…I…she’s not – ”
“Coffee,” Emma mumbles beside him, picking her head up off of his shoulder before rubbing the sleep out of her eyes with her fists. He misses her warmth almost immediately. “I’ll take a cup of coffee.”
“How do you take it?”
“With as much cream and sugar as you have, please.”
“And you sir?”
“I’ll take it black.”
The attendant hands them their coffees in disposable travel mugs, something he appreciates it because it’s already easy to spill a cup of liquid on a plane when it’s just himself, but he cannot imagine what it would be like to drink one with an infant. When the attendant finally leaves, he looks over to Emma to see her practically inhaling her caffeine, the scalding heat of it seemingly not affecting her while he places his down on his tray to cool.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t correct her on you being my wife. I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just…I was startled, and it seems I forgot the English language. A bloody waste of thirty years of learning it if you ask me.”
Emma simply chuckles into her cup before placing her hand on his forearm and squeezing. Heat courses through his entire body, and he’s not sure if it’s from Emma’s touch or the fact that she was just holding the hot coffee and her hand is physically hot.
Both. It’s both.
“Don’t think anything of it. It’s easier not to correct than to try to explain. I had about fifteen people compliment my brother on his ‘adorable son.’ Henry looks nothing like David, but you put a man and a woman together with a kid and bam, they’re married.”
“Seems much less complicated than going to the courthouse for a license.”
“Yeah, but the nine month waiting period is a bitch.”
He barks out a laugh that not only causes everyone around them to look at him but for Henry to wake up as well, his eyes widening and frantically searching for something familiar until he finds Emma, his chubby little arms immediately reaching for her when he spots his mum.
“Hey, baby,” she coos, putting her coffee down on her tray before taking the lad out of his arms. “Were you good for our new friend? Yeah? I didn’t hear you cry once.” She turns to address him, worry suddenly in her eyes that causes them to widen. “He was good, right? Like, you’re not going to hate me for the rest of this flight for having a fussy kid and drooling on your shirt. Sorry about that by the way.”
“Think nothing of it, love. Your boy drooled on my other shoulder, so I’ve got two reminders of you to wash when I get home.”
“I never asked earlier. Are you…do you live in America or are you just visiting?”
“I live in Boston. Charlestown more specifically.”
“Dorchester,” Emma replies, a smile blooming on her face, and he can’t help but return it. “Maybe we’ll see you around if you’re up for people drooling on you some more…not that I drool often, just to clarify.”
“So it was a one time thing then?”
“Let’s go with that.”
Talking with Emma causes the flight to be over at an even quicker pace, and before he knows it, he, Emma, and Henry are heading toward baggage claim, Henry’s diaper bag over his shoulder and Henry on Emma’s hip.
“You don’t have to carry it, Killian.”
“It’s not a problem, love. It’s what a gentleman would do.”
“And you’re a gentleman?”
“Aye, I’m always a gentleman.”
His luggage comes first, and he goes to grab it while Emma points out her red suitcase for him as well, and he returns to she and Henry with two suitcases, a car seat, and what he hopes is a normal smile on his face because this woman and her son have him all flustered in a way that he hasn’t been in years.
“Would you, uh, would you like to share a ride home, love?”
Blush rises in her cheeks before she shakes her head no, and he tries not to be too disappointed in that. “My friend is picking us up, but thank you.”
He simply nods his acknowledgment, not knowing what else to say until Emma pulls her phone out of her pocket and types something out before thrusting the device in his face.
“You can put your number in there if you want. I figure if you can have a good time with me and Henry on a plane, imagine how well we’d get along when not so constrained.”
“Swimmingly. We’d get along swimmingly.”
He waits with her until her friend arrives in a bright yellow bug, and before she leaves, she presses up onto her toes and leaves a kiss against his cheek, her lips warm and soft against his skin. A shiver runs through his entire body, and he prays that Emma doesn’t notice the gooseflesh rising on his arms and the hair standing at attention on his neck.
“It was nice to meet you, Killian Jones. I’ll text you.”
And then she heads over to the car, setting up the car seat and buckling Henry inside before he hears her friend say “who’s the hottie and why isn’t he getting in the car with us?”. Heat rises in his cheeks while Emma throws her head back to laugh, her neck extending and her braided hair falling against her shoulder before she winks at him and they drive away, like a bright yellow dot in a sea of gray.
Unknown number: You want to get some coffee that’s not stale sometime? My driver has agreed to babysit.
Killian: Tell your driver that the “hottie” says he appreciates her for doing that. It’s a date, love.
The next time he flies to London, Emma’s sitting beside him with Henry in his own seat next to her. They booked their tickets together, and when the flight attendant asks him if his wife would like some coffee, he says yes without hesitation.
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Surprise, Surprise
Wanna One’s Lai Guanlin X Reader
• it’s your birthday
• boyfriend! Guanlin
• ft. my wanna one sons
Word count: 1750
oH MY GOD MY BIAS MY BIAS DKSIAHSDH LET’S GO i love guanlin so fcking much it hurts. and awww, you’re the sweetest, thanks for requesting this anon, hope you like it !! as much as Seonho loves Guanlin. Also I was kind of lost and this took me quite awhile to write so please be more specific next time + it’s shorter than i’d like it to be but I really couldn’t :( ( i’ll let it slide since it’s my baby boy )
also longevity buns and noodles = something i’ve eaten every birthday for as long as I’ve lived. I love them ❤️
can anyone relate?
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Guanlin awoke extremely early this morning and he was never known to do be up at such an unholy hour but today was special.
It was your birthday.
And he was determined to make it perfect… with the help of his hyungs of course! It had been the most challenging thing to keep his plans a secret from you and he even called your parents the night before to confirm it. Your parents were so taken in by how sweet and adorable Guanlin was your mother was set on marrying you off to him. She too, had a hard time keeping her mouth shut about today, nearly babbling all about it to you if it were not for your dad’s constant reminders.
7.48 am.
Guanlin, Jihoon, Jinyoung, Daehwi and Jisung pulled up outside of your driveway, your mother dashing out as soon as she spotted the headlights of the car.
Jisung didn’t care if he was blocking the entire street, there were barely any cars on the road anyways, all he focused on was getting the balloons safely out of the car. By safely, he meant not letting any pop. They were so precious, he stayed up all night scouring the internet for these metallic gold balloons only to find out that the shop nearby their dormitory sold the exact same ones. That was the moment when he turned around, walked about two blocks down back to the house and re-evaluated his life decisions.
Jihoon’s nimble frame clambered out of the car half asleep, he was monitoring the cake which at first, Guanlin and Sungwoon teamed up to make but it was ruined because they ‘forgot to add something’ in the batter half way so 'you can have it guys. Call Seonho over if you can’t finish’. Guanlin ended up using up his monthly allowance from the agency to order your birthday cake and he said he would sue the bakery if it wasn’t as good as they claimed it to be.
He eyed it carefully, ignoring Daehwi’s advances to 'help carry the precious cargo’, 'no offence Daehwi but I think you’ll drop it’. He wasn’t about to let Guanlin’s money go to waste, the maknae probably had to only drink water for the month.
But when it came to you, he only gave you the best.
Guanlin’s hands shook uncontrollably and his heart was pounding madly in his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. He was more nervous now than when he auditioned for Cube.
“Y/N is quite a light sleeper and early riser,” your mother had told him. “But I will try to delay her as much as possible.” Your mother rushed up the staircase just as car number two with the rest of the boys arrived outside your front door, that only shocked Guanlin more and he feared that things would not go to plan.
The boys could pretty much taste the anxiety radiating off him. “Never fear dongsaeng, your hyungs are here."
…
It was a real miracle that you hadn’t stirred the whole time Guanlin was busy filling up a heart pattern on the floor of your room with rose petals.
How romantic.
He’d lie and say it was Daniel’s idea later though.
A heart made solely out of rose petals adorned your floor, by it’s side was a single pink balloon which was attached to a scroll of paper. Guanlin hoped you liked your first gift of the day.
He took a glance at you as you slept, he had been avoiding doing that while he decorated because it seemed creepy and stalker like but he couldn’t help it. Even in your sleep, you looked breathtakingly beautiful, like a princess out of a Disney film, to Guanlin, no one else could compare. He knew it would stay like that for eternity and if he got to wake up to you every morning, he’d never go anywhere else for the rest of his life.
Your boyfriend’s thoughts were all over the place now. Resisting the urge to wake you up so he could kiss your tender lips, Guanlin quietly crept out of the room, he smiled to himself, thinking about how well the rest of the day was going to go. When he returned from upstairs, he saw that Sungwoon had everything under control and should there be a need for extra party supplies, he brought his Doraemon purse along. ( i hope someone understands this part ) Jisung and Minhyun ( parents ) was helping your parents to set up the dining table for breakfast which Jinyoung and Daehwi had come marching in with. Breakfast was waffles and pancakes from your favourite cafe and longevity buns your parents had made.
He hoped you hadn’t minded all of the boys joining you for breakfast, all of you were close and he figured it’d be more fun.
"Okay! We’re ready,” Minhyun whispered from kitchen.
Jihoon gave a thumbs up as Woojin stepped away from a bunch of bunting, he pretended to wipe fake dirt off his hands and smiled. Daniel and Sungwoon inspected every single part of the decorated living room, and Seongwoo proceeded to rearrange the present pile.
“It has to look perfect before I hit my slate! Okay, Jaewhan, start recording,” he instructed.
Slate clap!
Jaewhan turned the camera to focus on Guanlin and nodded encouragingly.
Shit, I swear I had a script for this, Guanlin thought. It’s just lost in my head now.
“Uh…hey guys. T-today is actually Y/N’s birthday so Wanna One is here to surprise her. All of us are very close to Y/N and we are very excited for what is about to happen. For now, we will wait for the princess to awake from her beauty sleep,” Guanlin said, he couldn’t hide his smile even when speaking. When Seongwoo pointed that out, he just laughed awkwardly and covered his face.
“We will update you when Y/N’s here, I don’t think she knows a thing. See you guys!” Sungwoon ended Jaewhan’s recording. When he opened his mouth to protest, Sungwoon shushed him. “I think we should go up to the second floor. Y/N’s mum is going to wake her up.” Guanlin felt like digging a hole and burying himself inside.
Jaewhan, 'I’m the cameraman’, 'you need a slate every time’ Seongwoo and 'i’m today’s mcee’ Sungwoon camped outside your room door where you and your mother were inside.
She was preparing you to be camera ready. And secretly filming your reaction.
Let’s go.
…
Your eyes fluttered open and for once, you weren’t blinded by the bright sunlight as usual. You felt your mum shake you gently. “Y/N….it’s time to wake up,” she murmured. “It’s your birthday today. Happy birthday!"
Though confused, you still sat up to hug her, your eyes still shut and unaware of the massive balloon and heart … and your mum’s camera recording the entire thing. When you finally saw the first thing Guanlin designated for you, your jaw fell open and you shrieked excitedly. "What! What? What is this?” You were wide awake now, all the sleepiness was erased and throwing off the covers, you dashed to it’s side.
Your mother laughed at your antics.
“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!"
Someone call Samuel over.
The scroll unfolded, you immediately recognised your boyfriend’s handwriting and smiled.
My dearest Y/N, Happy birthday baby! I can’t believe this is our first time celebrating a birthday together. Cheers to many more! Speaking about cheers, go get ready. I still have things for you! Love, your boyfriend, Lai Guanlin.
You felt your face get hot and suddenly became too aware that your mum was holding her camera the entire time. "Mum! No! Oh my god!” You wailed, trying to hide your face - until you made it into your bathroom at least. You looked in the mirror and took a deep breath, fanning your reddening face.
Yikes.
Okay, let’s not keep Guanlin waiting downstairs.
At the thought of your boyfriend, you grinned so wide it almost hurt.
…
“Jaewhan! Seongwoo! Sungwoon!” The scream tore out of your throat before you could stop it and you covered your mouth before launching into the arms of your close friends. Brothers, more like it.
“Y/N!”
“Happy birthday!"
"Today is going to be so fun!"
Jaewhan focused the camera on you. "It’s our dear Y/N’s birthday! Here she is! We’re so proud and happy for her!"
You attempted to cover up your awkwardness and embarrassment by playing it cool. You shot your best, million dollar smile into the lens.
"Ahhh! Y/N, what do you expect from today?” Sungwoon asked, holding a hairbrush as a mic.
“I definitely expect a lot of fun times and good memories from today! I know it’ll be enjoyable with all my oppas around,” you replied, brushing a stray strand of hair out off your way.
“Of course! Now, let’s go downstairs and see what’s waiting for you, okay?”
Seongwoo had to hold onto you to prevent you from sliding down the entire staircase. You simply couldn’t contain your enthusiasm today.
“SURPRISE!"
You nearly fell down the last step for dramatic effect.
"Y/N! Happy birthday!” Jisung yelled, enveloping you into a tight embrace as soon as you were down the last step. “My yeodongsaeng is growing up!” He rubbed your back affectionately before stepping away to let the rest of the boys overwhelm you.
Daniel was the next person to hug you closely, he got mildly emotional too. Minhyun was on the verge of tears but he got himself together anyways.
Daehwi threw petals around you as Woojin balanced a flower crown on your head. You blushed, shy, but that didn’t stop you from squishing them into big brother hugs. “Aww, I’m almost as old as you guys,” you teased at which they both scoffed and rolled their eyes.
You took your time to greet the rest of your friends, hugging them close like a family member would.
When you saw Guanlin, holding out a bouquet of roses ( bcwhynot ), nearly burst into tears from sheer joy and gratitude. He leaned in a pecked you on the lips before pulling you in for a tight hug.
Okay, it’s now or never. Guanlin thought, he did his best to shake off the nerves that seemed to be eating him alive. He held you close to him and then whispered into your ear.
“Y/N, I love you. Happy birthday.”
That was probably the best surprise of today.
#my bias#i love him#lai guanlin#guanlin#wanna one scenarios#wanna one#wannable#produce 101 scenarios#produce 101#kang daniel#bae jinyoung#yoon jisung#park jihoon#park woojin#ong seongwoo#hwang minhyun#ha sungwoon#kim jaewhan#lee daehwi
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These Are the Best Things Happening on ‘Game of Thrones’ Right Now, Part II
Hey y'all, something bad is coming on Game of Thrones, so just real quick, let's remember the good times in episodes 3 and 4, when teenage assassins were reuniniting with their teenage ruler sisters and teenage psychic brothers. When Littlefinger was getting ragged on so hard. When Jon and Davos had nothing better to do than chalk up the cave walls of Dragonstone with little bitty zombie drawings to prove a point and flirt with Missandei, respectively.
There were Catspaw Dagger references for the most careful of watchers, Jon saying "I'm not a Stark" as a Targaryen dragon flies overhead for the mildly observant viewer, and there's Jon and Dany touching each other's wrists in caves for everyone else who's just like, I don't understand what's happening here, I've never understood what's happening here, I don't care what's happening here, but I will be here until it's all over and Dany has married her nephew, SO HELP ME R'HLLOR.
So, once again, this is not a recap, not a review, just a simple, definitive, and all-encompassing list of The Best Things Happening on Game of Thrones right now (which is to say last week and the week before):
Almost Everyone Playing the Game of Thrones Is a Baby-Child
It suddenly became clear in episode 3 that while the lead characters in Game of Thrones don't seem particularly young when they are commanding their armies and large, magic animals—when they come face to face in a throne room, they suddenly seem like two particularly formidable and hormonal teenagers facing off at a Model United Nations simulation. Except, y'know, one of them recently died and was resurrected by a thousand year old sexy priestess, and the other has a bunch of giant toddler dragons and, like, ended slavery, I think.
I'm, of course, speaking of Dany and Jon, the two most popular rulers at Westeros High. Now, since Kit Harrington and Emelia Clarke are each 30, you wouldn’t think they would seem that young…but they're also both, like, 5'1 if they're an inch, so when they first came face-to-face in episode 3, they more often resembled a couple of adorable Shiba Unus tussling over a Kong ball and sniffing each other's butts, instead of two rulers arguing over getting to save the world in the specific way they want to.
In that sense, their first meeting was a particularly precious reminder of how young they still are. Yes, all the GoT kids were aged up three or four years from the books at the start of the series, but Dany and Jon are still only 22 or 23 as they fight to save the world from heretofore unknown evils—and by that, I of course mean Queen Cersei making ever woman get her goofy pageboy haircut.
When Missandei announces Dany like one of Blair Waldorf's be-headbanded lackeys, Game of Thrones briefly turned into a Disney Channel Original movie, bringing along all the clashing dynamics of darkness and precociousness a DCOM denotes. You can practically hear Missy saying, "You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn, President of the Student Council, rightful member of the A/B Honor Roll, rightful owner of a used Ford Prius she got as a reward for said A/B Honor Roll, Haver of an Afterschool Volunteer Internship at a Veterinary Office, Breaker of Bullies, the Sister of a College Sophomore Who Lets Her Wear His Old Fraternity Formal Shirts So People Think She's Cool, Voted Most Likely to Play with Fire and Like It a Little Too Much, and the Survivor of a Particularly Bad Case of Strep Throat Last Year.
You scared yet Jon Snow, you creepy-loner-who-doesn't-know-he's-hot-and-smokes-cigarettes-behind-the-school-but-secretly-makes-all-As-and-has-a-heart-of-gold-Patrick-Verona-lookin'-ass, you?
If Dany hasn't stood up on the Iron Throne and tearfully choked her way through a rendition of the "10 Things I Hate About Jon Snow" by the end of all this, I will be shocked. Because, as we will discuss later, Dany doesn't hate King Jon (King Snow? No, that doesn't sound right, does it Davos)…not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
The Stark Children Are Happy…Well, As Happy As a Live Stark Child Can Be
Of course that's not even mentioning the actual children roaming around Winterfell with severe PTSD and a recently developed case of the huggies. Sansa's running the Stark show at Winterfell while Jon is away at Dragostone giving up all his weapons and doing arts and crafts in the underground caves, and in her time as a prisoner of various evil families, she seems to have picked up quite a knack for organizing grain supplies and commanding that leather be added to armor because the dipshits apparently haven't heard that WINTER HAS COME.
I thought Sansa would be cool for like an episode or two and then go back to being dreadful, but her recent transition from Little Sister to Big Sister inside the walls of Winterfell seems to be suiting her well. When Meera finally brings Brann back home and after dragging his 6'4 ass all over the North, she gets exactly zero sibling hugs because her brother died protecting Brann—justice (and a warm shower) for Meera—but the newly minted Three Eyed Raven gets a sweet embrace from big sister Sansa.
He returns the love by informing Sansa that now he can see everything that's ever happened in the world, including the worst night of her life when she was forced to marry Ramsay and he raped her.
Hey Brann, I know it's not your fault that Jaime Lannister pushed you out of a window, and your dad got beheaded, and Theon fake-torched you, all setting you on a fan-least-favorite path toward becoming the Three Eyed Raven but—you totally suck! Someone else can tell Jon he's a Targaryen if it means you having to be all weird to your sisters now that you're finally, gloriously, wonderfully reunited. In this extended high school analogy I've been drawing, Brann is the kid who took one philosophy class at the community college for extra credit and thinks he knows everything now. You don't know shit, Brann!
Okay, fine, Brann knows some shit, and is obviously intended for some higher purpose in this game of thrones or he surely wouldn't have been—quite literally—dragged through all seven seasons. I just wish that purpose was being a nice supportive brother to his super-survivor sisters, which brings us to…
ARYA IS BACK AT WINTERFELL AND SHE SPARRED WITH BRIENNE AND MAYBE THEY CAN GO LADY-ARMOR SHOPPING TOGETHER NOW, WHAT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD?!
As it turns out, the already disparate Stark children have become even more contrasted with time and (grueling, awful, traumatic, painful, oftentimes unbelievable) circumstances. Sansa, who was a pretty girl who wanted to marry a prince, is now the Wardeness of Westeros' largest region with a keen political mind and a dude who would fucking love to marry her that she's constantly mocking. Arya was a tomboy who had a real good time at her afterschool swordsmanship lessons, and has since grown into a stone-cold assassin who cuts people's faces off and magic-pastes them onto her own face, then feeds those recipient of the face-cutting to his own family, and then also kills that entire family. Brann has turned from a boy who liked to ride horses into Westeros' creepy Miss Cleo, and also, he no longer goes by Brann, and also, is a pretty constant dick to the women in his life.
That all kind of made me love their reunions even more though. Arya saying, "Do I have to call you Lady Stark?" as her first greeting to Sansa was incredible. Sansa replying, "Yes," very much in the way of Old Sansa, but then turning around and hugging Arya and bonding with her about how much pain they've lived through and how everything they used to know is dead except for each other was even better. And Sansa telling Arya that "Brann has visions," in the same tone of voice you might warn a guest that your little brother has recently gotten really into making his own chainmail was EVEN BETTER. There was also Jon all the way over at Dragonstone being all "She's startin' to let on" when Tyrion says that Sansa is smarter than she lets on—love those two, sure hope Littlefinger doesn't turn them against each other and shatter my heart into a million pieces!
But simply the best was watching those three rough and tumble Starks wheel and walk their way back from the Weirwood tree and into their home at Winterfell, down a couple family members, not really sure of who they've become, and probably on the brink of being murdered by ice zombies, sure…but they're also together—three lone wolves restored to a pack—and, for now, they're alive.
Of course, it is hard to ignore all that side eye Sansa was giving Arya as she sorted that out that Lil' Sis super-duper was not kidding about having a murder list. But Sansa isn't on said murder list, and hey, she also once fed a dude to his (canine) children, so maybe this girl gets it. Maybe everything will be fine and once Jon and Dany save the world, they can all go in on a family beach house together and parasail on dragons. Speaking of…
THAS-A-MUTHAFUGGIN-LOOT-TRAAAAAAAIN
I've always thought of Weiss and Benioff as kind of cool young dudes who were surprisingly hot and surprisingly married to Amanda Peet (which I would want to brag about in Emmy speeches too, no shade). But for some reason, recently, they've started to seem more and more to me like kind of clueless dads who, were we ever to see their legs in the after-show interviews, would be wearing pristine New Balances with loosely fitted light-wash jeans.
I don't know if it's because I recently fell into a deep dark YouTube black hole where I watched clips of a panel where Sophie Tuner and Maisie Williams interviewed B&W and just keep making fun of them for being old (of note, Sophie Turner is really funny). Or if it's because they're quite literally getting older and making this show where they have to spend three million dollars to light 20 real people on fire in order to make it look like 1,000 fake people are being lit on fire has probably aged them an extra decade.
But mostly I think it's because now that they're out from under the shadow of GRRM they can stop pretending they're dead inside and let their TV pathos flags fly, and that alone makes them seem a lot less hard than they used to. Them talking about how Dany and Jon it's so obvious Jon and Dany have developed feelings for each in the cave scene was just adorable. Guys! They've had like, two conversations, and neither one has made a single inappropriate "bend the knee" joke which they obviously would if they were two real life 19-year olds falling in luv in a cave.
All this is to say that, I am so thankful to them for bringing GoT to my television, but truly, only two dumb dads could have taken this insane, explosive, dragon-fueled battle and called it…"The Loot Train Attack." Or as I prefer to call it: the mutha fuckin' LOOOOOT TRAAAAAAIN!!!
There is nothing that I can personally write that would make the battle where Dany brought dragons to a sword fight at the counsel of Jon any better than it already was, so I'll be brief: It is in episode 4 of season 7, at the end of the Loot Train—LOOT TRAAAAAAAIN!—battle, as Jaime charges Daenerys with a giant spear, that it became clear just how impossibly complex this web of character has become. It used to be impossible to root for anyone because they were all either evil or definitely going to die in the next episode exactly because they weren't evil. No more.
I had no idea who I would choose to live and die between Jaime and Dany. And that is perhaps unique to me because in this game of thrones, everyone can choose their own winner and we can all be simultaneously right and wrong. Just as the people of Westeros are born into certain houses, we all have our allegiances. But the time is coming for us to also make important choices, because things can only be happy reunions and convenient river dives and spare Sand Snake killings and flirty-cave-fun-times for so long. Sides will be chosen, alliances will be made, and main characters will start getting their heads chopped off again. Weiss and Bennioff might be out dads, but if TV has taught me anything—and it has taught me literally everything—it's that tough love is the most rewarding form of parenting.
And also that women always keep their bra on during sex—except for right here on H-B-O!
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Some Grimm Thoughts
I marathoned the final season of Grimm several days ago and have come to several conclusions.
Spoilers under the cut.
1) Nick and Adalind remains a very strong NOTP for me and there is absolutely nothing that will change that. Too much squick.
2) I'm mildly less annoyed by what they did with Juliette. Emphasis on "mildly".
3) Hank Griffin has nerves of steel. The number of times this season he had people coming out of nowhere and wogeing in his face was disturbing and he never flinched once. Didn't so much as blink. Tam Lin has nothing on him.
4) Rosalee is freaking vicious when pregnant. Fear the Fuchsbau even more than usual. It's fantastic. (Creepy Cupid never stood a chance.) And Monroe is adorable, as per usual.
5) Every time Nick picks up an axe, I get chills and I love it.
6) Diana is creepy, but also a child who needs a loving, supportive, disciplined environment. She's chronologically three (unless there was a major time skip that I missed), biologically ten, and has a body count higher than most of the adults.
7) Ghost Meisner is possibly even more awesome than Alive Meisner but they didn't really do much with that story line other than confirm Renard switching sides. Again.
8) I have no problem with Adalind getting a redemption storyline. Just not a creepy romance with Nick and maybe doing something other than popping out babies and sassing Renard would be good? Just a thought. (Though the sassing of Renard was quite lovely)
9) I can't believe I'm saying this but Adalind is more fit to be a parent than Renard. She at least tries to discourage Diana when she goes into murder mode. (And here a couple of seasons ago they had me thinking the best solution was for Renard to get custody.)
10) Grimms are awesome. But we knew that already.
11) Consistent characterization is a rare and precious thing that sometimes seems to be reserved for Monrosalee.
12) Sean Renard is an interesting and complex character and I want to strangle him and possibly rip his face off most of the time.
13) I miss the Death Trailer. It was cosy in a murderous sort of way.
14) Rosalee is still my favorite.
15) It's a good thing I started World-building back in Season 2. It makes it easier to ignore canon when I want to.
16) This show is so problematic but they made me fall in love with the characters and the concept back in the first two and a half seasons or so, so I still love them. Even if the show itself isn’t...quite what I would want.
#Grimm#Season 6 Spoilers#Nick Burkhardt#Adalind Schade#Juliette Silverton#Hank Griffin#Rosalee Calvert#Monroe#Diana Renard#Sean Renard#Meisner
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5, 9, 12 (can be a case, a game, an arc, whatever), 19 (go for it :P)
I can’t believe I have to put a disclaimer but I know how this fandom is with snooping around, so I’ll make one: these are my opinions, and boy are they salty. As such, I’ve tried to slash out tags of ever ship mentioned in here (regardless of positive or negative speak of it), so let me know if anything shows up in the tags and I”ll go back and block it, because I”m not trying to spread hate; I’m answering questions for a friend who enjoys my saltiness >:pIf you don’t agree with my opinions, that’s fine, good for you, i don’t think everyone has to agree with me, just as I don’t agree with everyone. Don’t try to engage me in a conversation about it because you can not possibly imagine how much I do not care.
Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*I’ve already talked before aboutKl/apol/lo being the main answer for this (more so than Nar/u/mitsu Iguess because at least I understand where Nar/u/mitsu comes from) soI’ll mention these two:I wouldn’t say that the fandom hasmade me dislike La/namia, but it’s really disheartening that there’sso much content of it that’s either blatantly bisexual erasure(“they’re lesbians sorry i don’t make the rules!” shit likethat) and/or is less about celebrating the pairing and more of avessel to spread hatred of Godot (and very occasionally Jake). So asa result I don’t actively seek out content for it the way I do otherships I like, which sucks, because I don’t get to enjoy it as muchas I want to. It’s my fave f/f ship after Junith/ena, mostdefinitely.As for a pairing I was originally indifferent tothat the fandom has soured me on? Lmao Simon/Nahyuta anyone? Backbefore SoJ came out and this was a crack ship that was born out of“omg Simon would think Nahyuta is so anime bishie! ^_^”(because they were aching for a male character to ship Simon with,I’m sure), I was just like “whatever. Immature and side-eyeinducing, but ultimately, whatever.” Now, after seeing their purely negativeinteraction in SoJ treated as “omgz sexual tension!” when,if it was a heterosexual pairing, I GUARANTEE it would becondemned/considered wildly unhealthy (Kl/ema is the closest thing Ican compare it to? Like, can’t bitches just dislike each other???),I can not possibly roll my eyes hard enough at this steaming garbageship and the idea that Yuty’s precious luv will heal Simon’s abusedbroken baby birb soul! And omgz they’re so hawtttt together i hopedem boiz maek out xD! It just reeks of “yaoi” fandom (andyes I mean that in a derogatory sense). Oh, and don’t forget thatFulbright isn’t dead now, because he’s not even treated like he was alive in the first place! he’s just a plot device for Simon to angstover even more so Yuty has more chances to soothe him! Ew.I mean, I guess it boils down to, Iwouldn’t dislike this ship so much if it was actually acknowledged asa silly crack ship instead of being extolled and placed on thispedestal as if it’s some pinnacle of how a relationship should be. Because ah, no, as a legitimate pairing it really is total andcomplete shit.Most disliked character(s)? Why?GOD well my most hated characters arecharacters we’re supposed to dislike, and/or love to hate? I sayKristoph a lot for this since Klavier is one of my faves, and becuaseof how innocent Vera was. Gant and MvK too, because of (likeKristoph) how long they were willing to be so self-serving anddeceitful and manipulative and had no guilt over their crimes? But Imight hate Kristoph the most because, like Dahlia for you, Holly, Isee him get a lot of apologists, which is gross.
I see this a lot for Phanty too, theapologists and humanization of him when he’s nothing but fuckingtrash, and I hate the fandom for it? but I don’t care about Phantyenough to really hate him (opposed to hating a certainship involving him COUGH COUGH). He’s just like some meme to me; Ilaugh at him and would rather spend my time focusing on Fulbright andhow much I like him because he’s the one who deserves my time, notthis loser^.
Kristoph, however, was a betterdeveloped/written character. Even though we don’t know what’s behindhis psych-locks, and granted his motive was petty, I think that’swhat makes him interesting and creepy and realistic, and therefore heevokes a stronger opinion from me.
Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?
I really like TUrnabout BIg Top a lot, because I generally like ensemble casts such as this, and Acro is one of my favorite murderers. I definitely understand why it makes people uncomfortable but I also have to wonder if people dislike it and JfA in general for the reason that there is little interaction between Nick and Edgey. I don’t think Moe is as annoying as the fandom generally thinks he is, either, I honestly find him pretty sympathetic in many ways; it’s just his testimony that’s frustrating, as the player.
It puzzles me when this fandom whines for poc/disabled characters and then we have Acro (even though he assumably wasn’t born physically disabled considering he was a professional acrobat but) and lmao no he’s boring. But wait, actually, it doesn’t puzzle me… because..... (see below)
What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?
Oh there’s more than one thing, and it’s certainly not exclusive to the AA fandom but:
If you think ANY character (other than a commonly hated one like Godot of course) is white OR cis OR straight OR neurotypical you’re a horrible person who doesn’t support marginalized folks!
Along that vein, if you don’t ship X popular gay ship/do ship x het ship, you obviously are just a homophobe! and should kys because you don’t ~respect the source material~
Also along that vein, a character is ONLY interesting if you slap on random labels re: their sexuality/gender identity/mental health because that’s what defines them, of course!
Female characters can do whatever the fuck they want and can not be criticized for it, because it’s always justified and they’re always the victims but if you like a morally grey male character (or even just find him interesting as a character!)… that’s right! You’re awful!
On a more personal note: It’s perfectly acceptable to develop an AU where Dadworth lives, or where Mia lives, or where Clay lives, or Jove lives, or literally any character not named Fulbright lives, but if you ship (ACTUAL) Black/bright you’re an idiot who isn’t following canon, how dare you!I hated this fandom going into it so I’ve kind of been like… resilliant to letting it get to me too much, and I have made some wonderful friends and it’s really reinvigorated my love for writing, which is important. BUt on a whole, it’s a shit fandom and I advise against people getting too involved in it, if they have any opinions on the games/ships/characters that might mildly differ from the majority.
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live blogged thoughts on the new taz under the cut, about nine hours after it went up because i read the description and got too nervous to listen;;
will merle ever not be thinking of sex: inquiring minds want to know
"well that's a little dark, these are children" GRIFFIN WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO TO THESE CHILDREN
"the magic wasn’t in you, it was in me " MAGNUS WHAT THE FUCK
CLINT MCELROY THE EMBEZZLING JANITOR I’M D Y I N G
“and all of your pets and your favorite belongings too“ magnus ilu my precious baby you make me happy
i feel really emotional about taako spending a whole year enjoying food and cooking and hanging out with his sister knowing that all of that will be taken away from him once they reach the main plane of the story, i’m just... my poor magic son omg ; - ;
merle’s shitty beach gifts return! yay!
"whoever’s on the other end, they feel it too” hmmMMM
c’mon griffin let me and my taakitz shipper heart live
griffin is so good at world building, holy shit
“sometimes people draw the things we say with our mouths“ thank you justin for looking out for us all
once again, lup is the voice of reason and my favorite daughter
“you remember that it hurts to die?“ “oh, yeah, i’ve done it a lot“ MAGNUS I KNOW YOU’RE BASICALLY IMMORTAL R/N BUT HOW ARE YOU THIS BLASÉ ABOUT DEATH???
GINKGO TEA. FUCKIN GINKGO TEA. LUCRETIA MY BABY
oooooh this music is pretty
i’m getting some weird ass bill cipher vibes from this hunger guy and i do not know how to feel about it yet
“my friends, my family“ MERLE OMG
MERLE NO HOLY SHIT
“the man who became the hunger“ so he wasn’t always??? holy shit this is getting really fuckin interesting, i can’t wait to see what the theorists in the fandom think about this
now i’m picturing him as a fancily dressed middle aged john egbert, thanks for that griffin :T
aaand here we are again with the creepy ass cipher vibes
okay so... we’re dealing with a destroyer/trickster god type figure who finds the constraints placed on life in the universe by its creator cruel and wrong, and thinks that the only way to bring good to it is to break free of those limitations and take others with him. interesting, i really want to see how this works out in the end, what a complex villain
“a mildly eloquent piñata” justin omg
"and we’re best friends!” TAAKO
YAY THE OTHER PLANES ARE STILL ALIVE LUP WAS RIGHT
so... he’s an eldritch trickster god then. yikes holy shit.
SO THIS IS WHY MERLE HAD SUCH A HIGH DEATH COUNT SHIT
FOUR SEVENS ARE YOU SHITTING ME CLINT
this is so fucking dramatic and i love it oh my gods
welp, that’s it, merle is my favorite character, sorry magnus you’ve been bumped to the number two slot
GOD DAMN THIS IS SOME GOOD PHILOSOPHICAL SHIT, HOLY HELL GRIFFIN THIS IS A M A Z I N G
FUCK merle, that was one sick burn oh shit
“kiss my ass you sanctimonious bastard“ M E R L E
♪♫♬ WHO LET THE DOGS OUT ♪♫♬
magnus pulling a dave with the coolkid shades lol
IS THIS THE VOIDFISHES??? WHAT
so that fuckin rocked, and i cannot wait to see more
#the adventure zone#taz#taz spoliers#i mean it's all under the cut but STILL#it's basically just me rambling in text form lol
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[This is a belated birthday gift-because I fucked up-for the lovely @stolenxkissess. I went the elevator route because I am a sucker for that cliche. I hope you all love it]
I half sprinted down the hall and into the elevator and I hastily pressed the button for the lobby but the elevator had other idea’s going up several more floors. I looked at my watch, everything would be fine, I was making decent time, and I wouldn’t be that late. If I was lucky I wouldn’t be late at all but worst case scenario at this rate I’d be five minutes behind schedule. That’s not so bad.
Reaching in my bag I dug for my phone, glancing up when the doors opened and a truly beautiful specimen of a man entered before turning back to my task. I’ll just call in and warn them just in case, it’ll be fine. It’ll be completely and totally fine.
As if the universe decided to give me a big Fuck you the elevator dropped violently and I fell forward, smacking my face off the doors. Pain exploded through my head but fear kind of outweighed it when the lights went out and the elevator dropped one more time before freezing.
"Fuck, are you okay?“ The guy asked and I scrambled to my feet.
I felt along the wall for the buttons and started slapping at every single one as panic began to overwhelm me.
"It’s fine, right? It’s fine, it’s just taking a little break. It’ll come back on in a second right?” I said in a rush.
"Hey, calm down, they’ll get us out of here,“
"Oh god, oh god, no. Oh god, please, of all the things, o-ho-oh god,”
I clutched my chest and the guy turned the flashlight on his phone, shining it so he could see me.
"Just breathe okay? You’re going to be fine.“
"The last words I’ll ever hear,” I tried to mask my fear with humor and it mildly helped.
He laughed lightly, “That’s a bit overdramatic, don’t you think?”
"How are you not freaking out? Jesus, I can’t…“
I bent over, bracing my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath. The guy hesitantly began to rub my back but I didn’t really mind. It was kind of nice actually if I didn’t think about the creepy aspect of being trapped in a dark elevator with a complete stranger.
"Thanks, I’m okay, really. I don’t know what you were freaking out about, jeez,” I said a little breathlessly as I righted myself.
He chuckled, running his hand through his hair, “Yeah, I don’t know what came over me,”
"Yeah, jesus, I thought I’d never calm you down,“
I smiled feeling mildly embarrassed but I was slowly beginning to calm down. If I had been alone the outcome would have been entirely different. The guy smiled back at me, he had a nice smile, and I liked his hair. He had great hair it was long and wavy and blonde at the tips. He had the bluest eyes I had ever seen as well; they were startling twin pools of blue; they were breathtaking and reminded me almost of blown glass. They were dark blue in some areas, light blue in others, there were hints of gray that caught you unawares, and they were iridescent and beautiful even in this shitty lighting. To be truthful he had a nice everything, the longer I looked, the more ethereal he became.
I extended a hand, “I’m Y/N and claustrophobic, it’s nice to meet you,”
"Jared, and you know, I hadn’t noticed,“
"Oh really? Not even a little bit?”
"Not at all, the only thing that gives you away is the blood on your head,“
"What?” My hand flew to my head and I winced as I touched the wet stickiness before looking at the blood on my fingertips.
"Fuck, come down here with your flashlight I need to see in my bag,“
I sat down and he dropped down beside me, shining his light into my messenger bag as I dug through it for my mini first-aid kit and my own phone.
"Are you always this prepared? Snacks, first aid kit, a folder thick enough to be dangerous, two books, three bottles of-”
"You can tease all you want, but if we are stuck in here for a long time we will see who is laughing when I am full and hydrated and you are withering away to practically nothing,“
"I apologize for my tone, please do not hoard the precious resources we have for my ignorance,”
I smirked, “Apology accepted, so what brings you to London?”
He took the first aid kit from me and pulled out the disinfectant wipe and a band-aid. Part of me felt mildly awkward but another part of me was completely cool with letting the hot guy in the elevator patch me up.
The emergency light came on after taking its sweet ass time and Jared put his phone away.
He wiped the blood from my head.
"Business, what about you?“
"Potential new employment opportunity,”
"That’s exciting,“ he put on the band-aid.
"Yeah, it is. I don’t think I’ll get it though in my current situation,” I mumbled, leaning my head back against the wall.
"And thanks for patching me up,“
"It’s not a problem and I’m sure they would understand,” he murmured.
It was a nice thing for him to say but I’d doubt it. It was a time sensitive interview and I didn’t think that my potential employers would like to be kept waiting. I shrugged it off, pulling out a bottle of water and handing it to him.
"So you’re trapped in an elevator,“ he began, and I rolled my eyes.
"And you have one source of food, water, and entertainment. What do you choose?”
***
It had been roughly three hours and Jared was exceptionally good at keeping me occupied. He was in the middle of getting his ass kicked at crazy eight countdown while educating me on some of his favourite music, most of which I had already heard which was always amazing. He was really thoughtful too, we touched briefly on politics and art, we talked about our likes and interests, we talked a little bit about everything and I really liked listening to him speak. His voice was soothing, low and soft but also forceful and husky at times. He had a really great voice. My gaze slowly moved from my cards to him when he began to sing along to a Zeppelin song on his phone.
“You’ve been cooling
And baby I’ve been drooling
All the good times, baby
I’ve been misusing
A-way, way down inside
I’m gonna give ya my love
I’m gonna give ya every inch of my love
I’m gonna give ya my love”
I could almost die from the embarrassment of it all. I think he noticed my distress, it was hard not to when I had my face buried in my hands.
"Your head hurt?“
"You wouldn’t happen to be here for the iTunes festival and a meeting for a PR/Full time assistant would you?” I grumbled, still unable to look at him.
"I might be,“
"You also wouldn’t happen to be in a band called Thirty Seconds to Mars, would you?”
He laughed lightly, “Sometimes,”
It probably looked really bad on my end applying for a job as his assistant when I didn’t know him by his face or his first name for that matter. I slowly uncovered my face and set my cards down.
"Hello Mr. Leto, I’m Y/N it’s a pleasure to meet you,“ I extended a hand.
He cleared his throat, trying to conceal a smile. He took my hand and shook it firmly.
"It’s a pleasure to meet you Y/N,”
Our hands lingered together for a minute and those eyes of his held me in place for a few seconds. The air seemed to crackle around us and I started to lean forward only to jump when the elevator doors began to be pried open. It appeared we were between floors because there was just enough of a gap for us to squeeze through.
"Are you two okay?“ The fireman asked.
"Yeah, we’re fine,” Jared helped me up, his hand resting on my lower back as he urged me forward.
"No, you go first. I’d rather you not watch me struggle,“ I said half-jokingly.
He climbed out only to turn back and reach out for me. My face burned but I grabbed his arms and he pulled me to freedom. We fell kind of awkwardly though, I guess my weight plus the momentum he gained from yanking me sent him on his back and I landed on top of him. I pushed my hair out of my face looking down at him and he was looking at me in a way I couldn’t interpret fully. It was cheeky to say the least and it was also the type of look that everyone wanted to receive.
The flash of cameras broke the spell and I was quick to get up and pull him along with me.
"Umm, I gotta go, it was really, I mean, great, it was cool,”
I slipped through the crowd, forcing my way to the stairwell. I paused a few floors down as regret plagued me. Maybe I should have stayed, no, no I made the right choice. I made a complete idiot of myself in front of him. He probably knew who I was the whole time and I had been such an ass hat. I had been flirting, I freaked out in front of him, people got pictures of me on top of him! Oh god, he must have been laughing so hard on the inside.
"Hey!“
I vaguely heard him as I exited the stairwell and slipped out into the busy London street. I hailed a taxi and got into it, looking over to Jared in surprise when he hopped in before the driver could pull away.
"What are you doing?” I demanded.
"I personally have a meeting I’m late for, what about you?“ He asked.
"I have a pint calling my name, actually,”
He smirked, “An informal meeting, I’m game. Take us to the nearest pub,” Jared told the cab driver.
"Look, I-“
His lips covered mine and I was quick to put a hand on his chest and push him back shock. He looked at me, a mixture of emotions crossing his face, the most prominent being mild embarrassment but for the most part he looked at me in a questioning way. He looked at me as if to say ”Your move”. I’ve known him for three whole hours, what was my move? Do I kiss him back and see if it leads to more? Do I kiss him anyway because he’s Jared Leto? Do I leave and hold on to this completely incendiary day forever? Do I put a line between us and see if I can get the job?
My lips tingled and I knew it wasn’t his occupation or money that made my blood burn or my heart race. I knew it wasn’t that because I was a fucking idiot and didn’t know who he was for the most part. It was just who he was as a person, he lured me in; he trapped me in his eyes and his exceptional taste in music.
I glanced at his lips and he moved even before I yanked him toward me by his coat and my mouth covered his. He sang the way he kissed, soft and gentle at some points, fierce and unforgiving at others, but altogether, his lips like his voice entranced his audience and made them feel alive.
"You’re hired,“ he whispered, as we pulled up in front of the pub and I handed the cabbie the money.
"No, I don’t think I am,” I said, wanting to kiss him again.
He looked confused.
"I don’t think it would be a good idea to work for you and… what would this be exactly? I know we just met but I’m a little uncertain,“
He brushed a lock of hair from my face, “It can be whatever we want it to be, and if it doesn’t work out in the end then it doesn’t work out… but for now I want you. I want you to work for me and come on tour,”
I couldn’t think of anything else to say other than, “Why?”
"Because I spent three hours trapped in an elevator with you and I was furious when we were rescued. There’s… something… you know?“ He whispered, moving closer and bending so I could feel his breath on my lips.
"I do,” I whispered breathlessly, my arms wrapping around his neck as he kissed me again.
"So you’ll take the job?“
"I’m not an idiot,”
He laughed, taking my hand and dragging me into the pub.
#jared leto#jared leto fanfiction#jared leto imagines#30 seconds to mars#30stm#30 seconds to mars fanfiction#30 seconds to mars imagines#thirty seconds to mars#thirty seconds to mars fanfiction#thirty seconds to mars imagines#joker leto
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Game of Thrones Recap: S8E1 - "Winterfell"
We’re back! After 12 years of waiting (okay, a year and a half, but who’s counting) Game of Thrones has returned. Mirroring the reunion of long-separated characters in-show, this episode at once feels like an old friend that never left, and yet has grown and matured in undeniable, but almost imperceptible ways. Compared to previous seasons, the episode maintained the improved (if breakneck) pacing of post-book content but has characters being written more consistently with their established arcs and motivations. They even trotted out a new intro this season. While in past years, the focus was just on how expansive this story truly was, ranging across countries on two continents, the focus is now much narrower and honed in on the remaining threats.
King’s Landing
In the capital, we see Cersei overseeing The Golden Company’s arrival in Westeros without much fanfare, and to the Queen’s deep disappointment, sans elephants. With precious little time left in the series, it seems unlikely the famed Essos mercenary troop will feature as much political intrigue as suggested in the books (with much of that being shifted into Jon and Daenerys’s storyline), they do at the very least come through suited and booted under the command of Captain-General Harry Strickland. The comparatively ragtag Second Suns these are not! Sidelined sidepiece Daario Naharis can eat his heart out while we see exactly what this portends for Cersei’s grand plans.
Speaking of royal jumpoffs, Euron again asks for a downpayment on his reward for aiding the Crown and asks to bed the Queen. She reads from the Book of Olivia Pope and demands Euron earn her, and then immediately lets him into her bed anyway. While most people are, to put it mildly, bemused by Euron’s continued prominence I’m (against my better judgement) at least willing to see where the writers are taking us with his character. It seems like there’s at least one twist left in his arc, at the very least as an obstacle in the Cersei/Jaime relationship. The story would have been better served setting it up during the meandering season 5 as the series stalled for George RR Martin to finish his books, but what’s done is done. If nothing else highlighted how truly alone Queen Cersei has become, it was her resignation in letting a Greyjoy into her bed, even if it was simply to keep him around and as a tool for her alleged pregnancy.
Meanwhile, after interrupting one of Bronn’s dalliances, Hand of the Queen Qyburn relays Cersei’s offer of gold to the sellsword if he will kill her “traitorous brothers” Jaime and Tyrion. And because she has no chill, she wants him to use Joffrey’s crossbow that Tyrion used to kill Tywin to do it. I think most of us would be surprised if he took her up on the offer and betrayed his friends, especially since he got paid up front, but this furthers the idea that one of her brothers will turn the tables and be the one to kill the Queen.
Finally we were reminded that King of the Iron Islands, Euron, whose ships ferried the Golden Company, still had Yara as a hostage in his ship. This is immediately paid off as Theon leads a successful rescue while crazy uncle “Crow’s Eye” is occupied plying his wares trying to send Cersei her queenly quivers. It’s still eff Theon forever around these parts, and while I remain unmoved by his inevitable redemption arc, he did come through for once. Despite her time as a captive Yara almost immediately has a plan and decides to retake the Iron Islands while Euron is abroad to provide a fallout shelter to survive the Winter should the Northern Alliance fail. Theon however feels honor bound to return to Winterfell and help his Stark kindred. While that’s cool and all, I’d be more worried about the other Northerners if they see him first. The last thing they remember is him allegedly burning the youngest Stark heirs alive and setting Winterfell to the torch among an infestation of Ironborn captors in the North.
Sidenote: Everyone is real cool about seeing Bran alive and wheeling around. Sansa knew Theon didn’t actually burn them because he slipped up, but everyone else should be a little more shocked he’s still alive.
Last Hearth
In Winterfell, we learned when the Wall fell, Sansa called all her banners to Winterfell to prepare for the long night. Ned Umber, underaged son of the traitorous Smalljon (who died in the Battle of the Bastards) and current lord of the Last Hearth, remains a straggler and was given more horses and wagons to transport his crew. You knew from jump nothing good was going to come from that late breaking news.
Cutting to the Umber’s house seat, we find out Tormund and the plot imperative remainder of the Brotherhood without Banners survived the collapse of the Wall and have made their way to the Northernmost castle in Westeros. It’s abandoned however, with obvious signs of a recent White Walker attack. In an eerie dark, they run into Lord Commander Dolorous Edd and what’s left of the Night’s Watch also making their way south. Momentarily fooled by Tormund’s gorgeous baby blue eyes, the two parties join up to find Ned Umber’s dead body bolted to the wall with the arms of several other corpses arrayed in a now all too familiar spiral pattern of the dead. Many viewers have noted the vague similarity between this and the Targaryen sigil. It’s possible “Fire and Blood” may have a deeper meaning than we originally thought, but before we can ponder that, surprise! Little homie ain’t dead!
Well, he is dead, but not dead-dead, which is still bad news for our group as he zombies back into the fight as Tormund’s back is turned. Luckily Beric Dondarrion and his flaming sword are there to burn him, but now they know the army of the dead is between them and their retreat to Winterfell.
Winterfell
WHERE. IS. GHOST?!?!?!?! Ahem...
We start in the home of the Starks, and quite expertly mirrored the start of the series with seemingly all of the North gathered to witness the procession coming to Winterfell and the arrival of the King and Queen. They even featured a young boy as Bran 2.0 climbing around and Arya hiding in plain sight betraying her noble bearing. Not to be forgotten is the Permit Patty looks of the Northerners as they see Missandei and Grey Worm rolling through the gates, and you can tell they have clearly not seen Black people in the North before.
Jon Snow returns to Winterfell after his quest for allies (and dragonglass), and he finally gets his reunion with Bran, who he hasn’t seen since episode 2 when he was hanging on for dear life after being pushed out of the Astronomy Tower by Jaime Lannister. Any hope that Bran may have gotten some chill in the offseason and settled into being a less creepy Three-Eyed Raven was immediately blown as he remains as cold and detached as ever. He rudely interrupts the formalities between a less than impressed Sansa and meeting the family Daenerys to remind them they “don’t have time for all of that” with the Night King on the march. He does have time for an old friend, but we’ll get back to that later.
We soon find out that Sansa isn’t the only one a bit chafed at Daenerys’s presence and what that means for the political reality of the North. The trillest player in the game, and Lady Olenna reincarnated, Lady Lyanna Mormont takes time out of her busy day of giving people stank faces to read Jon for filth. We all know Jon is only concerned about the Great War against the dead, and while you’d THINK knowing their only protection from the White Walkers which had stood for 8,000 years was gone would focus them, petty is gonna petty. Meanwhile Sansa asks the QTNA such as how are we supposed to feed these extra 100,000 people you just showed up to dinner with? Did you bring food for those two fully-grown dragons with you, or did you burn all that grain from Highgarden and spend the money on winter fits Dany?
The homecomings continue as former (and technically still, depending on your interpretation) husband and wife Sansa and Tyrion get to catch up for the first time since the Purple Wedding. We get to see how much Sansa has grown, and for all the earlier haters calling her naive and dumb, she’s the one pointing out the obvious holes in believing in Lannister promises. But the real meeting we’ve all been waiting for finally happened; Jon and Arya are together again! They both downplayed what they’ve been through, but we see just how much their experiences have changed them. Jon has spent seven seasons doing everything he can to be the shield that guards the realms of men. Arya in turn did everything she could, and killed anyone she had to in order to make her way back home to her family. It’s a subtle difference in perspective that Arya invited Jon to realize before his big picture thinking misses the forest for the trees.
And then there was Gendrya!!! Sorry, got a bit excited there for a second. We see Gendry already hard at work fashioning dragonglass weapons in the Winterfell forge. Arya comes in to ask for a custom made weapon, and also to flirt, and their obvious chemistry has not changed a bit. But before that, the Hound gets to be a proud papa bear and see his baby for the first time since she left him to die (and robbed him) at the end of season 4. It went about as gruff and awkwardly as you’d expect but there was obvious love there.
While Ser Davos, former hand of the former King in the North Jon Snow, talks to Tyrion about the seemingly inevitable marriage proposal to seal their alliance, Daenerys and her boo are looking for any excuse to get out of his folk’s place and get it on. She takes him out for a date, and apparently Jon has been putting it down so good she’s letting him borrow her car with the AKA plates. She invites him to get on Rhaegal and we finally get Jon, the not-so-secret Targaryen, riding a dragon!!!!!! The dragon named after his father no less, and while we all know — and the dragons clearly know — Dany and Jon are still in the dark about his true parentage. They fly off to a cave underneath a waterfall and Dany remarks they could stay there for a thousand years in obvious echoes of the dialogue between Jon and Ygritte north of the Wall.
After getting her back broken, Dany goes with her little buddy Jorah to thank Maester school dropout Sam for curing his greyscale. Upon realizing he’s a Tarly however, she also has to not-so-delicately break the news that she flambéed his father and brother for not bending the knee. Already crestfallen, Sam is pushed by Bran to reveal Jon’s true parentage as he’s paying his respects in the Winterfell crypts.
Always on time for heartbreak, we realize this is the first time Jon has “seen” his father since they parted ways on the Kingsroad in S1E2 when Ned promised to explain about his mother the next time they saw each other. What should have been another joyous meeting between best friends is soiled as Jon is less struck by the “you’ve been playing hide Longclaw with your Auntie” news than the whole “you’re the one true King” part, and is in full denial of a man who’s been given yet another promotion he never asked for. In the space of a single conversation, he now has to grapple with the feeling that his father Ned lied to him about who he was his entire life, whether this news cripples his alliance to save Westeros and defeat the dead, the realization that the love of his life is not only now a political rival but blood family, and the weight of another crown after he just refused the first.
In our final scene we see a hooded Jaime Lannister make his way into Winterfell after finally abandoning his sister’s evil to try and fight for the living out of honor. Unfortunately, the very FIRST person he sees is Bran, who’s been sitting in the same exact spot all night, waiting for his “old friend.” See, he didn’t have time for Jon to meet the family, but he did make time for Jaime’s ass after he pushed him out of the window.
With all the callbacks, this episode did a wonderful job of subtly (and not-so-subtly) reminding us of where we started so we can appreciate just how far we’ve come. While some were expecting a bang after so long off the air, the first episode of the final season focused on setting the final pieces on the chess board, and giving us a deep breath before the final descent into madness.
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New Post has been published on http://www.lifehacker.guru/21-celebrities-you-probably-forgot-guest-starred-on-the-office/
21 celebrities you probably forgot guest-starred on 'The Office'
“The Office” is quite possibly one of the most iconic television shows of all time. There’s no shortage of memes, parodies, and quotable moments, but the sheer star-power in the series is a category all its own.
Principal cast aside, some big Hollywood celebs made some hilarious, heartfelt, and flat-out weird guest appearances over the show’s eight-year run. But with a whopping 188 episodes and nine seasons, it’s entirely possible that even the most dedicated Dunder Mifflin fanatics may have forgotten who played who (and we wouldn’t judge you for it).
Keep scrolling for a refresher on all the celebrities that guest starred in “The Office.”
Ricky Gervais played his iconic character on the show during season seven.
He’s the UK version’s co-creator.
Netflix
Some may be surprised to learn that the “The Office” we all binge on Netflix actually isn’t the first version of the show. The series originated in the UK with show co-creator Ricky Gervais starring as David Brent, a.k.a the British version of Michael Scott. Gervais reprised his role twice in season seven of the US version: once in a cold open where he befriend Michael outside an elevator, and a second as an applicant to Dunder Mifflin.
Warren Buffett made a sly guest appearance during season seven.
He was briefly interviewed for a job.
Netflix
No one would blame you if you didn’t catch this one. Remember the man who tried to penny-pinch Dunder Mifflin during his job interview in season seven? Yeah, it was Warren Buffett, no big deal.
Idris Elba played a tough higher-up during season five.
He was the killjoy higher up.
Netflix
Michael Scott definitely had a penchant for befriending the DM corporate higher ups, but Idris Elba’s Charles Miner proved to be a bit of a killjoy throughout season five with his stickler management style.
Will Ferrell popped up a few times in season seven.
He had tough shoes to fill.
The Office / NBC
Ferrell and Steve Carell have been friends for years and previously starred in “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy” together, so it’s no surprise he popped up in a few episodes as Deangelo Vickers, the Southwest-obsessed replacement for Michael Scott. He lasted just four episodes before making a not-so-graceful exit after injuring himself in a freak basketball accident.
Amy Adams played Jim’s ex in season one.
She was on for three episodes.
Netflix
Before Jim and Pam were, well, Jim and Pam, there was Jim and Katy. That’s right — before Adams became the Hollywood starlet we know today from hits like “Sunshine Cleaning,” “Doubt,” and “Julie and Julia,” she played Jim’s overly-perky, ex-cheerleader girlfriend for three episodes before he dumped her on a booze cruise.
James Spader had a recurring role in seasons seven and eight.
He made a few appearances.
The Office / NBC
Ah, who could forget the mysterious and weirdly enchanting Robert California? James Spader starred as the CEO of Sabre before leaving to star in “Avengers: Age of Ultron” and “The Blacklist.”
Kathy Bates also appeared in seasons seven and eight.
She often communicated via video call on the show.
Netflix
Before Robert California talked his way into the Dunder Mifflin offices, Kathy Bates played the overly-confident and deeply-Southern Jo Bennett, Sabre’s original founder and CEO.
Evan Peters played Micheal’s nephew in season seven.
He played a pretty annoying character.
Netflix
Before Evan Peters was freaking out all of America in “American Horror Story,” he had a brief cameo in the season seven episode “Nepotism,” in which he starred as Michael Scott’s nephew Luke Cooper. In the end, baby Evan left the episode in tears after Michael literally spanked him for basically being a terrible employee. Awkward.
Will Arnett also played someone who came in for an interview in season seven.
He was toward the beginning of the episode.
Netflix
Arnett’s guest appearance was brief but memorable in season seven’s “Search Committee” episode, where he played a secretive manager candidate that insisted on withholding a precious three-step plan from Jim, Toby, and Gabe.
Jim Carrey also guest-starred during season seven.
He was certainly memorable.
IMDb
Another of several guest appearances in the Search Committee episode was Jim Carrey’s quirky character, simply known as Finger Lakes Guy. That name alone should jog your memory.
Christian Slater appeared in a strange orientation video in season six.
He was in an orientation video the employees watched.
Netflix
Technically this could be considered a not-so-subtle cameo, but we can’t just ignoreChristian Slater in Sabre’s mildly creepy orientation video.
Rashida Jones appeared in season three as a love interest.
Before Pam there was Karen.
Netflix
Before she took on the role of the poetic and beautiful land mermaid Ann Perkins on “Parks and Recreation,” Jones was Karen Filippelli, Jim Halpert’s last girlfriend before he finally confessed his love for Pam.
Timothy Olyphant was mean to Pam in season seven.
He rubbed a some fans the wrong way.
Netflix
“The Santa Clarita Diet” star appeared as rival salesman/possible male model (in Michael Scott’s words) Danny Cordray for a few episodes in season seven. But while he was nice to look at, he left the show in poor taste when it was revealed he thought Pam was too dorky to date. #Rude.
Kevin McHale had a memorable role, even as a pizza delivery man in season four.
He played a hostage.
Netflix
Before he landed his most well-known role as the nerdy yet ridiculously-talented Artie Abrams on “Glee,” McHale was a pizza delivery man with an attitude that landed him as Michael and Dwight’s Hostage during the company launch party.
Tim Meadows serenaded us in season two.
His dinner with Jan and Michael was iconic.
Netflix
You may know him as Mr. Duvall in “Mean Girls,” but we can’t forget Meadows’ business meeting with Michael and Jan at America’s (unofficial) Favorite Restaurant: Chili’s. Remember them singing their all-too-catchy jingle about baby back ribs?
Jack Black and Jessica Alba had a really random appearance in season five.
It was pretty unexpected.
Netflix
Technically this could be considered the most random cameo in the world rather than a true guest appearance. Black and Alba made a small appearance in as an on-screen couple in a fictional film that Andy bootlegged in season five’s Stress Relief episode. The two actors didn’t interact with any of the show’s characters, but it still deserves some credit.
Melissa Rauch played a fellow new mom in season six.
She played a new mother.
Netflix
Around the same time she started her role as Bernadette Rostenkowski on “The Big Bang Theory,” Rauch guest starred as new mom Cathy in Delivery: Part 2, where Pam accidentally breastfed Cathy’s baby in an exhausted stupor instead of little Cece — a common mistake, obviously.
Ray Romano also played an interviewee in season seven.
He even took out a sandwich during his job interview.
Netflix
The comedian and star of “Everybody Loves Raymond” joined the handful of celebs that made an appearance in the Search Committee episode. Romano played Merv Bronte, the easily-influenced and self-deprecating interviewee.
Josh Groban played Andy’s brother and appeared in seasons eight and nine.
He was Andy Bernard’s brother.
Netflix
In what is probably one of the more random guest stars on the show, Groban played Andy Bernard’s more talented, adorably unaware younger brother Walter Bernard Jr. You might remember him from the Garden Party episode when he upstaged Andy and mistook both Phyllis and Meredith for Pam.
Joan Cusack had a rare and sweet cameo in season nine.
She was in the final episode.
Netflix
Cusack had a small but significant role in the Finale episode as Erin Hannon’s biological mother. While she didn’t have more than a couple lines, her sweet role was the perfect touch on what was arguably one of the most emotional episodes in the series.
(C)
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