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galaxy-parchment · 4 years

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Nepotism at its Finest

I’m back on my bullshit, fellas! This time we’ve got something fun. A fic that I wrote based on another TMA AU, ‘Timeline of Theseus’, by @creativitycache. All you need to know is Jon has been the Archivist since he was 8 because time-travel shenanigans and now Elias is his reluctant dad, I would highly suggest reading ToT if you enjoy this fic and even if you don’t. This also hasn’t been beta-read because this is spoiler-y and my usual beta-reader hasn’t listened to TMA and honestly this is pretty self-indulgent.

Jon, despite being an Archivist for as long as he could remember, only got the ‘official’ title of Head Archivist once Gertrude finally died. He knew Jonah was the one that did it, but honestly, Jon was just glad he didn’t call in someone else to do his dirty work for once. He always hated when a random avatar barged in and somehow always left some kind of damage in their wake.

Working as an archival assistant wasn’t so bad, other than that. After a while, just to justify him hanging around the Archives all day reading statements, Jonah had given him a position as Gertrude’s assistant. Not that she ever asked him to do anything. It was just a formality.

At this point he’d given up on only reading statements that included people that were already dead. He’d take one over the newer statements, certainly, but the problem was that there’s only a certain number of people that have had supernatural experiences, and if they survived the encounter, they don’t tend to die as quickly as the ones that didn’t make it.

He still occasionally got odd flashes of things he never actually did, but it wasn’t like they had a manual about how his powers worked. Jonah just half-explained that it was probably something to do with his omniscience filling his head up with blanks that didn’t exist. The fuzziness and lack of detail certainly matched up with that theory. Just one of the perks of suddenly gaining knowledge powers at the age of 8, he supposed. At least he’d finally managed to get a grip on what exactly he Knew at random intervals. The Eye still liked to give him the odd unwarranted insight or two, but he didn’t mind all that much.

Strangely, though, he did ‘remember’ all of the assistants Jonah had chosen for him on his first day as the Head Archivist. Sasha, Tim and Martin, although for some reason Sasha didn’t look like how his ‘memories’ picture her.

—

Jon was weird, to be honest. Tim knew it the moment he walked in and saw the guy. Looked like he’d been raised by wolves then taught how to act like he was a respectable academic. Sure, he looked the part, but you could tell he didn’t care about being a ‘scholar’, he only cared about the statements.

He also obviously had some weird tension with Elias. Whenever Tim mentioned him Jon would always change the topic and refuse to acknowledge the man’s existence. He’d worked here for a while, though, probably just a standard ‘gradual resent for your boss’ scenario.

At least Tim thought that was it until Monday.

They were all in the break room, Jon included, eating their lunch, when Elias wandered in and gave them all a polite smile.

“So, Jon,” He said pleasantly, “I was wondering how you were settling in as Head Archivist.”

Jon glanced back from the coffee pot, “Doing fine, thank you…” he grumbled.

“That’s great to hear,” Tim could hear the condescending tone dripping from his voice, “I know that you’re not used to such an active role in the Archives, is all,”

“What? You don’t think I’m capable of the job? You didn’t need to give me the position you know, I can do what I need to do here without it,”

“Oh, goodness, no, you were fully deserving of the promotion,” Elias said, raising his hands in defence, a knowing smile on his face.

“And as I told you when you promoted me, theres no need to worry about me,” the archival assistants stayed silent and glanced at each other awkwardly.

Elias grimaced, “Is it really so bad that I just wanted to see how you were? I have every right to worry,” Tim didn’t know what the relationship there was, but that was definitely a weird thing for your boss to say in his books.

“Elias, I am 24 and an adult who’s been working here for a while, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” Jon said sternly, turning to face him with his arms crossed. Okay, that was definitely a weird thing to say. Sasha hid her face in her mug and Martin was fiddling with his hands and staring at them.

“Fine, but you know where to find me if you need anything,” Elias sighed. He turned and walked out the door.

Jon scowled for a moment, the tension in the air thick. He suddenly marched up to the door and yelled down the hall, “You’re not my father, you know!”

Tim was about to ask what the hell that was about before he heard Elias call back.

“I have paperwork that says otherwise!”

Well, that certainly explained a few things.

—

The ‘break room incident’ was still a talking point among the assistants, but at this point it was mostly just Tim complaining that Sasha just didn’t get the job because of nepotism. Jon didn’t even have a degree of any kind, he just got a position as an assistant and then got the Head Archivist promotion.

Martin tried to connect with Jon, though. He’d heard about how all of the old assistants just went missing over time. That must’ve been lonely for Jon. So he brought him tea every day. Sure, Jon didn’t always drink it, but hopefully it helped him feel more comfortable with them.

He did give Martin odd looks occasionally, though, as if they’d known each other and Jon was trying to place his face. He certainly would have remembered meeting someone like Jon, though.

When he wasn’t reading statements, Jon actually came out and spoke to all of the assistants directly when he needed something, which was a bit odd. Not spooky odd, but still odd.

Jon was instructing Martin on some follow-up he would need to do at his desk when Elias made his second appearance of the month. The others stayed quiet, knowing how things went last time.

“Jon, I have some good news!” Elias said, unusually chipper.

Jon seemed unimpressed, “Do tell.”

“Peter and I are getting married!” Martin was about to congratulate him when Jon beat him to it.

“I give it three months,” he deadpanned, not taking his eyes off Elias, who seemed far less offended than Martin would have been in his situation.

“Give me some credit, Jon”

“You’re right, he never even replaced the vase he broke before the last divorce did he? Make it two.” Wait, divorce? Last divorce?

“He’s changed, really, he even said he’d actually replace it once it was official,” Elias defended. Martin spotted Tim in his peripherals jamming his face into his elbow to stifle his own laughter. Sasha had a not-so-subtle smile creeping onto her face.

“Oh, and let me guess, he also promised you he’d ‘start trying to really connect with Jon’ like he does every time, as if he doesn’t literally feed off of doing the exact opposite.”

“No, but he did-“

“No, wait, I’ve got it this time, he said that this time, he’d keep his voyages short and make more time for you!” Jon guessed, intently waiting for Elias’s response

“Yes.” He said curtly. What on earth was happening? Martin wanted nothing more than to be anywhere but this exact position, right next to both of his bosses having a family squabble.

“Let me guess, you came down here to tell me right at this moment because you need me to drive you? Of course,” Jon ran his hand flat across his head to give his hair the gelled flatness Elias’s always flawlessly maintained, “I’m Elias, I’m going to ask Jon to drive me and my fiancee to the courthouse for our tenth marriage! I can’t drive myself, though, because then Peter is going to insult my driving and then I’ll tell him that he has no place to do so since he doesn’t even have a license! Then we’re going to cancel and try again the next week!” He ranted in a tone that was obviously meant to imitate Elias.

“We’re going next Wednesday.” Elias said.

“Fine.” Jon replied without a second thought, turning back to Martin, who hadn’t realised he was holding his breath. Elias silently turned and headed out of the Archives.

The room was silent for a moment. Sasha spoke up first.

“Did you say tenth time?” She asked incredulously.

“Yes, and that’s only the legal ones. I’ve seen them ‘get married’ one night and the next they’ll swear vengeance on each other. Peter gives excellent Christmas presents, though, what with the insurmountable wealth.”

Tim barked out the laugh he was suppressing, “Jon, I just really want you to know, that is the funniest thing I’ve witnessed in my life, thank you,"

For the record I’ve changed a few rules of how the whole Jon situation works and I mostly just took the concept of adult Jon and Elias father-son dynamic and sprinted with it.

#galaxywrites #the magnus archives #tma #tma spoilers #tma season 4 spoilers #timeline of theseus #elias bouchard #jonathan sims #sasha james #martin blackwood #timothy stoker #season 1 archives crew #slight comedic lonelyeyes #as it should be in every tma fic that mentions either of them #fanfiction

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alekakers · 5 years

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The Story So Far (or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Existential Dread)

- 32-

When I was a kid I thought of thirty-two as this incredibly significant age. For whatever reason I viewed it as the epitome of reaching adulthood. Of course as a child I thought of everyone older than me as an adult. You know that weird skewed perspective thing, when you recall memories from childhood and even high school kids looked like grown ups. But in my head thirty-two was a mythical age that solidified your status as an adult. An age that once reached meant you were no longer a young man/woman, but a full fledged adult-y adult.

Now as I sit here looking back on thirty-two years of life I can say I had no idea how my perspective on age and life would change over the next couple decades. But in some strange way I wasn’t completely wrong either. I had wanted to do this kinda thing when I turned 30 but that was a chaotic time so I never got around to it. So now with two more years behind me, here is a reflection on a simple life and what I’ve learned from it. Let’s start at the beginning...

- Born On The Bayou -

I was born in the early afternoon in Nassau Bay, Texas. I grew up on the same 25 acre ranch my mom was raised on. 30 minutes outside of Houston, 20 minutes from the Gulf of Mexico, and 10 minutes from the Johnson NASA Space Center where my grandparents were instrumental in the Apollo and space shuttle programs. My grandfather was an Oklahoma farm boy that crossed the Mississippi in a covered wagon who ended up putting men on the moon. My grandmother came from New England and was breaking ground in the country’s fledgling space program when she fell in love with a cowboy rocket scientist and brought my mom into the world. Unfortunately they died when my mom was in college. I wish I could have met them.

My dad grew up in a sleepy suburb outside Portland, Oregon. His mother was an eccentric, loving, and strong-willed woman. It was her grandfather, Aleksander Justice, that I’m named after. A wolgadeutsche immigrant, he moved to America to start a new life for himself and his family. My grandmother was harshly old-fashioned to say the least, but she loved me and my sister with all her heart and was in our lives more than any other extended family member. Her passing a few years ago wrecked me more than I thought it would.

My father’s father was an orphan adopted and raised by his Uncle. As an angsty youth he enlisted in the navy to avoid jail time, served as a frogman in Vietnam, worked as a motorcycle cop for decades to support three kids, helped raise my cousin after my aunt got divorced, and was a volunteer firefighter and loving grandfather and great grandfather when he passed a couple years back. He was and will always be the prime example of the man I judge myself against. I miss him a lot.

- Beans and Cornbread -

My parents met in college and were soon after married and the proud parent’s of a baby boy. My dad was serving in the navy when both I and then my sister, Erin, were born. After his tour of duty my parents moved to the property in Texas that was left to my mom and my uncle. Despite being crazy young, dirt poor, and perhaps in retrospect being wildly unprepared to raise a family, my parents managed to keep us fed and clothed and sheltered. Most importantly they instilled in us the values and morals I still hold dear. Treat others with kindness. Be grateful for what you have. Work hard, try your best, and never give up no matter what life throws at you. In some ways I’m grateful for my modest upbringing and the appreciation it gave me for the little things in life.

Even though my friends lived in nice suburbs while I lived in a run down ranch house, even though they had nintendos and nerf guns while I had cheap plastic toys, even though we ate on a shoe string budget and couldn’t go on fancy vacations, even through the emotional trauma of it all, I still look back on my childhood fondly. I am eternally grateful for those years. Wandering around the pasture. Erin and I letting our imaginations run wild. Going to cub scouts every week. Making our own fun roaming around the church after hours while our mom was there to do whatever she was there to do. My parents scraping every penny to make holidays and birthdays special. I wouldn’t trade all the dinners of beans and cornbread for anything else. I’ll always be a humble country boy at heart.

- Misty Mountain Hop -

Three months after my 11th birthday we packed up the house, loaded the moving truck, and drove half way across the country to start a new life in Washington. My dad had been unemployed for a while and ended up finding a job with the boy scouts in Everett. It would give our family a modicum of economic security and put us closer to my dad’s family in Oregon. It was a jolting transition to say the least. Shortly after we moved puberty hit like a ton of bricks. My early childhood was firmly left in Texas and my teenage years made their angsty debut in Washington.

We moved into a quiet suburb 30 minutes north of Seattle and for the first time our family had a level of comfort we had never had. We could afford name brand cereal! But simultaneously my father’s anger issues were coming to a boiling point. Also my sister and I were diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. It was a very tumultuous time. My defense mechanism was to retreat, and I became terribly introverted and detached, retreating into music and video games. My sister went the opposite direction and became a loud, boisterous spit-fire, finding herself at home in the world of theater. I think we both already had the predilections for these respective personality traits, but the dissonance in the family only exaggerated them.

After a few years we moved into another house around the block. It was around this time that my father’s temper finally became too much and he started seeking help to work through some things. It took some time but I can’t stress enough how much of a different person he was after that. Night and day. I was in high school at this point and it was also around this time that I started to become disillusioned with the status quo of society. The modern school system seemed pointless, I started smoking weed, and music became the end all be all of my existence. It still is. Music is life! I dropped out of high school and decided to live the life I wanted to live.

Throughout my teenage years I played in different bands, experimented with all kinds of drugs, met and broke up with my first true love, entered the work force, and started the slow painful transition from adolescence to adulthood. It was a wild time! While part of me wishes I had stuck out high school, I have never regretted the choices I made. I saw that so much of the reality around me was a construct of our culture and I sought to push the boundaries of that reality. And I’m glad I did. I learned lessons the hard way, on my terms. I saw past so many lies and illusions and fallacies of how we’re expected to live our lives and perceive the world. I created my own world of truths and morals instead of blindly accepting the ones being pushed on me. It was an incredibly eye-opening and freeing time in my life and I credit those experiences for a lot of the wisdom and knowledge that I’ve absorbed.

*Disclaimer: I am grateful that I came out of that time in my life relatively unscathed. I know/knew many people that couldn’t claim themselves so lucky. It takes an incredibly strong will to toe the line and step back without going over the edge. Even though I wouldn’t change a moment of it, I wouldn’t recommend the life I led to anyone.

- Retreat and Rebirth -

After the last band I was in during those days broke up, our collective friend groups started to dissipate. As the realities of adult life started to pull from different directions most people rose to the occasion. I did not. Burnt out from the crazy ride and being overwhelmed by life I retreated to a world of isolation. A little solitude is healthy. I consider myself an outgoing introvert (A term a like a lot). But I took it too far. Unemployed for three years. Letting many friendships dwindle and slip away. Spending my days doing nothing but smoking weed and playing video games. It was unhealthy and I didn’t know how to change. Then the universe decided it was time. Just after my 22nd birthday I finally cut ties with a very close but deceptively toxic friend. After smoking half a pack a day since I was 16 I decided to quit. And I decided to take a break from smoking weed. Then to top it all off my childhood dog that I had had for 14 years died. To this day that remains the most transformational time in my life.

I spent that spring and summer reconnecting with myself and what was important in life. Taking care of my diabetes. Eating healthier. Gardening. I leaned into making mixtapes like never before. It is still my main hobby. Musica es vida! I had what I can only describe as a spiritual awaking. Come fall I was smoking weed again but with a renewed respect for the plant. I had a job doing something I had unexpectedly developed a passion for, cooking. And I found myself coming out of my social isolation. It was like I ended a three year hiatus from the world. I still think of my life in terms of before that time and after.

Then three years after I hit the reset button on life I was ready for another change. I was 25 and the inexorable march of time wasn’t stopping. So I finally moved out of my parent’s house. No shame! Science says that adolescence in modern humans lasts into our early twenties. And I was definitely still weening out of my teenage years at that age and was lucky to have such amazing supportive parents. It wasn’t until 24/25 that the existential dread of life started to set in and I thought, shit I gotta get outta here. December 2012, the apocalypse didn’t happen, and I moved in with my sister in downtown Seattle. She herself had spent the last few years overcoming her own traumas and wrestling with her own demons, and she helped me step even further outside my comfort zone into the greater world. I am so grateful for the two years we got to live together as fledgling adults.

- She Saved Me -

Just shy of a year living among the sights and sounds of the city, I found myself falling into a dangerous rut. I had been at the same job for three years. Commuting between the suburbs and downtown. Six years since my last relationship. Not much of a social life. And finding escape from the dull routine at the bottom of a bottle. Get up. Go to work. Come home. Get drunk and high and play video games or watch tv. Rinse, repeat. I suddenly found myself back where I was. And again I didn’t know how to break the cycle. Then I met the one person that would change my life in ways I never could have expected. The one person that would rock my world, wake me up to the true possibilities of existence, and become the one person that I could truly never live without.

One fall day I walk into work to see a new face. Olivia was her name. Damn she’s cute, I thought. And I quickly became enamored with her personality. But it would take 6 months of quietly pining for her before I had the courage to try my hand. Then on a fateful day in May we spent a whole day together. Then a whole week together. Then the summer that would change my life forever. We fell madly in love. I stopped drinking like a horse. My heart was opened to another for the first time in many many years. My mind was awakened by a mind I so closely related to. My body was refreshed by the passion I had been so long without. It was another rebirth of the soul, the kind that shook me to my very core. I had almost resigned myself to being alone forever, working a dead end job and drinking the nights away. Then she saved me. She remains my best friend, my rock, and my favorite person in the whole world.

- My Place -

Invigorated and encouraged, I found a new job. A slight step up in the culinary sense. Challenging yet rewarding. Olivia moved in with us. Then a few months later we got our own place in north Seattle. Shortly after we got a pupper. It was an incredible time. Feeling truly independent and self-supportive for the first time. Developing an amazing relationship with the person that I quickly realized I could spent the rest of my life with. This was the first time in my life I could attest to feeling the slightest bit like an adult. Of course I had realized long ago that you never really feel like an adult. You don’t just wake up one day like a switch was flipped and go, oh I’ve got it now. Life is a constant journey of growth and learning. We’re all just faking it till we make it.

But this was the first time in my life where I felt like, ah okay this is it, this is life, this is being an adult. Waking up every day, doing your best to navigate life, and constantly trying to figure out what it means to be you, what's important to you. Then life set up to deliver another wave of challenges to overcome. It was around this time that my family experienced a huge upheaval. We almost lost someone very close to us and it rattled me to my core. Then my boss was involved in a car accident and as his assistant I was suddenly interim kitchen manager. A couple months later the owner was impressed enough to make it official and I toke my first salaried job.

I relished the opportunity and strove to run that kitchen the absolute best I could. I went above and beyond. I poured everything I had into it. I learned so much about the restaurant game, management, cooking, and above all about myself. It was an intense period of personal growth. At the same I was coming into my own as a leader and a cook, I was also dealing with multiple family tragedies. And as much as I loved the work, the restaurant, and the owners, the stress of the job started taking its toll. Salary is a double edged sword in any industry, but especially in food service. If you know you know. I was doing my best to soldier on but I got to a point where enough was enough. I had come into some money and decided to take some time off. I left on good terms and will never forget the lessons I learned and the people I met.

- Intermission -

I had just turned 30. I had spent the last two years running myself ragged as the kitchen manager of a bustling Seattle restaurant. I put my blood, sweat and tears into that place. It was time for a break. I invested most of the money I inherited, and then set enough aside to to take some time to live life again. I rested. I remembered how to not be anxious every waking moment. Olivia and I went on a cross country road trip to see the national parks and visit my home town in Texas. I proposed. She said yes! It was so incredibly cathartic and needed. I am still grateful I had the opportunity to take the time I needed to reset.

Later that year it was time to go back to work. I ended up back at the little place in the burbs where I started my journey. I was happy to take the lessons I learned and come back as kitchen manager. It was just what I needed to ease back into the industry. The perfect place to put into practice my new found appreciation for work life balance. Meant to be a temporary step, as soon as I did all I was able to do to help them right the ship, it was time to move on. My father in law put me in touch with the chef he worked with and he brought me on board. It was a significant step up in the culinary scene, and I’ve been tapped to take over for the sous chef.

- And Now For Something Completely Different -

Now here I am. 32 years old. That mythical age I held in random esteem when I was a kid. Looking back on my life and thinking about what I’ve learned along the way. Even though I still struggle with my less savory qualities - I fear change and the unknown. I’m scared of success. I suffer from impostor syndrome and doubt my own strengths. I avoid confrontation. - I’m working on it. For the most part I love who I am. I’m proud of the person I’ve become. But it took a time. And work. I made peace with childhood traumas. I fought through pain, did some serious introspection and soul-searching, and came out the other side a better person for it. I looked inside myself to find the strength to overcome my demons. I think it’s inside all of us. Some people attribute it to a higher power. Some people find peace and comfort in the company of others. Whatever it takes, we’re all capable of making changes for the better.

If there is one thing life has taught me it’s that we are never done learning. We never stop growing. We never “figure it out”. We’re constantly being tested by the realities of life and doing our best to rise to the occasion. At 32 I may be an adult by most standards, but I’m still sorting out what that even means, what my purpose in life is, and waking up every day just trying to be the best me I can be. That’s life. And I’m grateful for the safety and security that gives me the luxury of musing on such ephemeral topics. I’m grateful for every day I wake up and get another whack at this crazy thing called living. I’m grateful I got to exist at all. I don’t spend much time these days waxing on the countless possibilities of the what’s and why’s of reality. At the end of day it’s a mute point. My consciousness still inhabits this physical body in this physical realm, and if I wanna keep seeing how far I can take it I have to play by its rules. Even if I occasionally see how far I can bend them. Whatever comes next, whatever is beyond the great void, my reality exists in the here and now. I’ve come to terms (for the most part;) with my mortality and the existential dread. It reminds me that its up to myself to find purpose in life. So I try to live in the present, to work on my shortcomings, make the best of every day, and treat others how I would want to be treated.

As I stare down the barrel of the “best years” of my life, I am hopeful and optimistic about the future. If not for the world at large (jury’s still out on that one) than at least for my ability to navigate it and make the best of it for myself and others. I'm engaged to my best friend, I'm in a kick ass band making music with some of my oldest friends, and I've got a job that I'm incredibly excited about. Lao Tzu said, “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future.” Wise words. But at the same time I think its important to remember where we came from and retain the lessons we’ve learned along the way. As well as looking to the future so that we may live with purpose. I think living is a delicate balance of keeping in mind all that was, all that is, and all that may be. And we’re all just doing our best to find the balance. Do whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn’t hurt others. Try to leave the world a better place for those that come after. Be nice and work hard. Love yourself so that you can love others. Namaste!

- Alek

TL;DR - I just turned 32. Life is crazy. Be nice and work hard. Love yourself and love others. Do your best. Namaste!

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m0nbruh · 7 years

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wasn’t tagged to do this, but i’m gonna do it anyway because why not?

rules: answer the following 92 statements and tag 20 people afterwards.

tagged: (4 should be fine haha) @sick-creeps @orion-oenopion @biancangelo @ask-will-solace

LAST:

1. Drink: dr. pepper

2. Phone call: my dad if i remember correctly?

3. Text message: my best friend @orion-oenopion

4. Song you listened to: how to be a heartbreaker by marina and the diamonds. currently litstening to this shit, and it’s fantastic.

5. Time you cried: i’m such an emotional mess, okay. i cry so often. but last time i cried ... last week? either last wednesday or tuesday. can’t remember which, though.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: haha hahhahahaha ... no ... i’ve never dated someone before. i’m a sad, lonely bitch, okay. *sad finger guns*

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: uh

8. Been cheated on: we must remember: i’m sad and lonely.

9. Lost someone special: no

10. Been depressed: my depression is a real big problem right now.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i hate the taste of alcohol, so no.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. blue

13. pink

14. black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes.

16. Fallen out of love: i’d believe so, yes. had a hardcore crush on this one guy, we stopped seeing each other when summer came around, and my crush was shot back towards the one i’ve had for two years.

17. Laughed until you cried: unfortunately, i haven’t laughed to the point of tears.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: no, but i’m pretty sure someone out there’s talking about me without my knowledge.

19. Met someone who changed you: i don’t think so??

20. Found out who your friends are: i’ve known who my friends were for a while, i think.

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i don’t have a facebook anymore.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: when i had a facebook, i only friended people i knew, and they were all my family.

23. Do you have any pets: two dogs (vader and kenai) and some fish (foster, jaws, nomi, and tua).

24. Do you want to change your name: i already changed my name?? my deadname isn’t of use anymore haha.

25. What did you do for your last birthday?: stayed home from school, ate some cake and ice cream, opened up one present.

26. What time did you wake up: 11:40-ish, fed my fesh, went back to bed, and woke up around 2:30. haven’t gone back to sleep since, and it’s currently 4 in the morning on a school night.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: uh making some sheet music...

28. Name something you can’t wait for: showing my sheet music to my orchestra class. i’m really excited over it.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: when my mom came into my room to tell me to go to sleep, which i ignored.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: how i was born i guess? wish i was born male instead of female, so i wouldn’t have to be trans and i wouldn’t have to go through surgery to be seen as a man.

31. What are you listening to right now: “counting bodies like sheep” by a perfect circle.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i’m sure at some point, i did, but i don’t quite remember.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: when people read while i’m writing one of my stories.

34. Most visited websites: youtube, tumblr, flight rising, google drive.

35. Mole/s: i have a lot of flat moles haha

36. Mark/s: stretch marks, scars on my fingers, a scar on under my elbow.

37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be an author, and i still do!

38. Hair color: brown.

39. Long or short hair: short. i usually have it shaved on the sides and longer on the top, like a mowhawk? kind of?

40. Do you have a crush on someone: most definitely.

41. What do you like about yourself: my creativity?

42. Piercings: nope. don’t want any.

43. Blood type: uh...

44. Nickname: ???

45. Relationship status: a sad, lonely single pringle.

46. Zodiac: virgo!

47. Pronouns: he/him

48. Favorite TV Show: fuck i don’t know.

49. Tattoos: no. i’m considering getting some, but i’m not too sure.

50. Right or left hand: right

51. Surgery: never gone through surgery, but maybe in the futre.

52. Hair dyed in different color: i’ve dyed it a dark red once. it looked nice haha

53. Sport: do you really think i do sports?

54. Favorite accessory: i?? i don’t know?? i’m not really a fan on wearing accessories.

55. Vacation: went to seattle a couple times, gone to flora and disneyland/world, and a few other places.

56. Pair of trainers: just got some sneakers, man. boring as shit.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: what am i eating right now? what i enjoy eating? don’t know what to put here?

58. Drinking: drinking nothing right now. probably should tho. my mouth is pretty dry.

59. I’m about to: write out more “tagged challenges” things.

61. Waiting for: me to put my life together.

62. Want: to die.

63. Get married: i mean. yes and no? yes, because i want to feel like someone loves me just enough to actually want to be with me in that way. no, because i’m scared of them not loving me anymore and divorcing me and leaving me all alone.

64. Career: an author! or a teacher. or both. whatever works.

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: fuckin both. i’m desperate and in need of hugs and kisses from the people i love and adore.

66. Lips or eyes: bro, if you got good eyes and/or lips, i will appreciate them. i don’t have a preference.

67. Shorter or taller: dude. taller and shorter is great. if shorter, they’re adorable as fuck. taller, i want hugs from them. win-win situation from both.

68. Older or younger: older? younger? ehhh?

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms. definitely arms. if you look like you can crush my skull with your bicep, i will appreciate the shit outta them.

71. Sensitive or loud: uh *gently finger guns away*

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship. plz. i’m desperate for some lovin

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: *aggressive finger guns away*

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: nope.

75. Drank hard liquor: uh no?

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no. i don’t wear either so ...

77. Turned someone down: a lot in middle school. because i wasn’t interested in any of the shits who asked.

78. Had sex on the first date: bitch i’ve never gone on a first date.

79. Broken someone’s heart: probably not.

80. Had your heart broken: oh i’d think so haha

81. Been arrested: nope.

82. Cried when someone died: cried over the fact that my grandma on my dad’s side died.

83. Fallen for a friend: yes! hell to the fucking yes!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: rarely do i believe in myself.

85. Miracles: miracles are a nice thought, so i’d like to believe in them.

86. Love at first sight: romantic love at first sight, no. love for your child or something like that, hell to the yes.

87. Santa Claus: santa claus was ruined for me. wished i still had that childish innocence and believe in him again.

88. Kiss on the first date: i don’t see why not?

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: his name is orion.

91. Eye color: blue.

92. Favorite movie: fuck i don’t know.

#tagged #my posts #the frog speaks

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the-star-rooom · 5 years

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September 24, 2019

I remember so vividly the first time I consciously heard God speaking to me. I was about fifteen sitting in a church pew in the middle of July.

I was a volunteer at my vacation bible school at the Catholic Church I went too. One of my good friends was also a volunteer. I was excited to hear that he was going to be there, just for the sole purpose of me having someone to talk too throughout the week of camp.

We were always good friends, we met in fifth grade at the elementary school we both attended. He was my neighbor, living only a few houses up the street from me. He moved into our neighborhood shortly after my fourth grade year ended. Obviously, I thought he was funny and cool to hang out with and we instantly became really good friends. We would hangout, text, goof off on the bus. You know, typical elementary and early middle school behaviors. We were always just friends.

Until that July morning in the church pew.

God spoke to me. He pulled me closer to him. He told me “you need to be with him”.

Why I asked? I was already dating someone at this time mind you. I fought it. I fought it hard. I didn’t want to break someone’s heart. I didn’t want to end things with the person I was with to simply just be with someone else. It seemed selfish, mean. Almost as if I was just cheating or saying you don’t satisfy me, someone else will do a better job. So I took time, the rest of the summer to be exact. I told him that I wasn’t exactly ready to date him or end my relationship but I was “working through figuring things out”. He was persistent. Texting me everyday, trying to win me over with such (now) meaningless words.

I fell for it. I ended my current relationship and began dating him immediately after. When I say immediately, I mean like next day. We decided not to make it “public” for a while to spare my ex’s feelings. Which I’m sure he appreciated at least a little bit.

I was starting my sophomore year of high school. Extremely young but yet I had it in my head that my life was all figured out. I had it in my head that God gave me this boy because he was going to be my husband, he was going to be the father of my kids. I was so sure of all of this that when he broke up with me 13 months ago I was in complete and utter shock. I’m talking about completely debilitated. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t even enjoy shopping without bursting into tears at the thought of what had just happened to me. He left ME. He CHEATED on me. I was speechless to say the least, and so, so broken.

I was mad at God, I didn’t understand. I started to question Gods intentions that July morning in the church pew. I wondered if maybe it wasn’t God, maybe it was the devil or maybe it was just me being inside of the church and having feelings of infatuation that caused me to believe God was speaking to me.

For so long, I was upset with him. I was upset with myself. I blamed myself for the downfall of our relationship. I was unable to comprehend the thought of being with someone else because I believed for almost four years that he was meant for me.

Boy was I so wrong. God knows what he’s doing folks. Gods plan is always good and intentional and right.

As I took a step back during my months of self discovery and depression one of the things that I learned about myself was I needed to grow closer to God. I needed to understand his plan in order to move forward with my life and stop sulking.

So, I prayed, I read devotionals, prayer books and one particular verse that stuck with me through these rough couple of months was John 13:7. “Jesus Replied: You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

This verse was (and still is) everything to me. It was everything I needed to come across. It was speaking to me, and not like speaking to me in the way I had believed God was speaking to me before, this was different. This was the word of God comforting me in my time of need. This was God helping me understand why he was putting me through so much pain.

God didn’t give me Nathan because I was supposed to marry him or have children with him. God gave me Nathan to break me. God gave me Nathan to bring me to where I am today.

I hate to admit it (simply because of pride) but, if it weren’t for Nathan, I would’ve never enrolled at ETSU. If we never broke up, I would’ve never became so completely broken and forced myself to become closer to God. I would’ve never done the Disney College Program and met some of my best friends in the entire world. I would’ve never rekindled my old friendships that I had put on hold while dating him. I would have never bonded with my sister. I wouldn’t have as close of a relationship with my family as I do today. I would have never met Bryan.

I decided to write this because while sitting in delight (a women’s ministry) tonight, we talked about adherence to God and trusting in him. It was so convenient that we were discussing this topic since I recently had a run-in with my roommate about inviting my ex into my apartment. I was so angry at her, I felt so betrayed by her for inviting him and his new girlfriend into my home. All I could think about in that moment was the hurt he caused me. The pain he caused me to feel in those dark few months.

What I failed to do was give myself grace. I failed to remember what God had done for me. He didn’t give me Nathan to hurt me but instead to guide me to where I needed to be.

Nathan and I were a terrible match. Complete opposites except for a few small things, like music taste, sports we played, and other seemingly unimportant connections.

What we lacked was the same core values. He wasn’t close to God, his friends were into some; we’ll just say, not so legal things. I wanted to go to college, he wasn’t super sure. His family was split in a pretty ugly divorce. My family had money, his struggled a bit. I cared about others and he cared mostly about himself. I was faithful and believed in faithfulness all around, he did not. There were so many things that I failed to realize about our relationship until after we broke up. It wasn’t until my counselor gave me a hand out about finding someone who has the same core values as you in order to have a successful and strong relationship.

I was finally starting to see why our relationship ultimately failed and why I needed to start to get over the fact that we could have never been together. It took months of work with God and my counselor to start and become ok with the idea of being able to see other people.

Then I met Bryan.

He was just so, simple. He had these cute, deep dimples on his cheeks that I just fell in love with as soon as I saw him smile for the first time. He opened the car door for me when we went out to eat on our first date. He payed for my meal and told me how much fun he had with me. He told me how beautiful I was. He walked me to my door. He was so easy to talk too. I couldn’t stop thinking about how nicely he treated me.

Don’t get me wrong, I had my guard up. I had just been through a lot of hurt and I sure as heck wasn’t going to become vulnerable with someone just because I was feeling lonely. I wanted to make sure this was right. I wanted to make sure he was going to treat me the way I knew now that I deserved. I wanted to make sure he was going to push me closer to God instead of further away.

To say the least, he’s absolutely blown me away. He’s broken down every single wall that I built up. He’s completely redefined my idea of love. He pushes me to be the whole and complete best version of myself every single day. He protects me when I’m scared, is patient with me when I’m anxious, understanding when I’m sad and hard on me when he needs to be. He is absolutely everything that God intended for me.

We’re not perfect. Neither one of us is a perfect Christian or human being. We sin, we argue, we aren’t kind at times, we don’t always pray every night. But, I truly believe that we better eachother in ways in which we are incomplete and need that little extra “push”. We enjoy being with eachother, even if that’s just watching a movie together or taking a six hour car ride together. We find ourselves having conversations about nothing for hours, but we can also have super deep and meaningful conversations on hard topics. We never let the other go to bed mad (or at least we try) and we make sacrifices for the other, even if that means doing something we may not necessarily enjoy.

That is love. God showed me real love. Nothing will satisfy me like the love that God has showed me. Bryan is a reflection of this love. Gods plan was so much larger than I could have ever imagined for myself, and I intend to thank him for guiding me to where I am every. single. day.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” Corinthians 13:4-8.

0 notes

letsimportanttreecollection-blog · 6 years

Text

low cost full coverage auto insurance

"low cost full coverage auto insurance

low cost full coverage auto insurance

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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""It would seem,by the comments I've gathered, it really isn't about affordable health insurance ...?""

it is about lifestyle. If that is the case then isn't this debate about Health Care simply over CONTROL? Should YOUR insurance rates go up if you have many health problems? I think so if you health problems stem from overeating and smoking and things like that you can help. People who engage in unhealthy habits like the 1st answer said should be charged very high rates that way when they do have problems, their rates won't go up. That depends on whether it's real insurance, where the costs are spread across a pool, or funny health insurance like we have now, which isn't really insurance at all, more like a form of extortion. The overwhelming majority of illnesses are not the fault of the sick person, and those who have the greatest costs are often so sick they are unable to work. ` Absolutely. If the insurance company faces higher outlays on your behalf, why wouldn't they charge you more in order to offset the difference? I would say that your insurance rates should be based more on your lifestyle habits than anything else. I have no problem with making people who smoke, are overweight or have other unhealthy habits pay more for thier health insurance. (It works this way with life insurance.)""

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Thank you ahead for answer my question. I live in MA, I'm a homeowner of a 3 units property in Boston. When I bought that house, my insurance agent for my AUTO said that I have to ...show more""

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car insurance is to cover the other guy, people often have liability only which give no personal coverage whatsoever!!! ca""

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Motorcycle insurance????

Can anyone give me an average quote for a 19 year old? Kawasaki zzr 600?

Insurance on 04 STi.?

I am 17 year olds. I have Driver's ed, safety ed courses, and good grades. How much would insurance cost for me?""

What good are healthcare insurance brokers?

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Insurance for a teenager?

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Passing a drug test for life insurance?

I smoked weed rather heavily for about 5 weeks over the summer, and now i havent touched it all for about 5 weeks, am i going to be clear for it? Before those 5 weeks i smoked VERY rarely (once every month or 2 months). Also i smoked a couple packs of cigarettes in the past couple weeks...how long will it take for me to get the nicotine out of my system (also smoked VERY rarely before last couple weeks)""

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Cyclist and insurance?

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the car i am looking to insure is a 1.3 tdci vauxhall corsa excite 75ps 61 plate the cheapest ive been quoted on moneysupermarket.com is 3118 but went on lv and was quoted 1620.60 fully comp and only one on policy and me as the policy holder does anyone else know where the cheapest car insurance is

Car insurance settlement?

I was in an auto accident as the passenger in the vehicle. The other person was at fault but they didn't have car insurance. (Another topic) Anyway, my friends insurance company said they are going to reimbursement for everything, including lost wages, bills, etc. I have been in PT for the pass 10 weeks and have to wear a cast on my wrist for the next 2 weeks. My lost wages, co payments and some medical bills have already gotten to 11k. I expect more bills that can get to close to 15k all together. How much should I expect to get with pain and suffering without dealing with a lawyer? Any ideas? I was diagnosed with a fractured wrist and sever muscular damage to my chest, neck and back so far. I really don't know the medical terms""

What is the cheapest car insurance in michigan?

I am looking for cheap car insurance I live in battle creek mi. I am 22 years old and on ssi. I have autism diagnosis. And I want to be able to get a car I do not have a license right now. But can get one social worker told me that. I would be allowed to drive. I do not own a car right now. But I have $2000 save up for a car. Before I take anymore steps I need to find out if i can afford insurance. I have about $30-$45 to spend a month on insurance for a car. That cost about $2000 I only need the bare minimum that will allow me to drive with a license legally. Dose anyone know where in i can get cheap car insurance? Any help would be greatly appreciated.Thanks

Can the Insurance company charge me 20% of repair?

I'm in California, I have full coverage, my insurance company is telling me they can charge me 20% in addition to the deductible if I don't use one of their shops, can they do that?""

Cheapest car insurance for a minor?

Okay, I'm about to purchase a 1995 Volkswagon Cabrio, but I need insurance on it and I'm only 17. I have a missouri permit currently, but I will have my license as soon as I get the insurence so that I can take the test. If it helps at all I have a 4.5 gpa, near perfect attendence, volunteer work, dual-enrollment credit, and extra-curriculars. I just cannot afford the prices I have been seeing for the few companies that will give me insurance and I would appreciate any suggestions for cheap liability.""

Cheaper on insurance 1980 lincoln or a 1995 blazer?

i have a 1980 lincoln mark VI it has a 351 (5.8 liter engine) and a 1995 chevy blazer im 16 and im trying to decide which one to drive they both get the same gas mialage about cause the blazer is an suv so im deciding which would be cheaper on insurance for a 16 year old i think the blazer but im sure hoping not cause the lincolns prettier lol

Taking maternity leave in California - delivering baby in another state?

I live and work in California. My mother live is Florida. She is going to be a huge help with the newborn and I'd like to go to Florida as soon as I can get a maternity leave through my job and deliver my baby there. I'm not a Florida resident...I'll be there just to deliver my baby and until the baby can fly back to Cali. Will I have complications when i apply for the California maternity leave? - Although I still live and pay my taxes here?!

Marine Insurance?

Why do the Underwriters enjoy an apparent freedom to give seven days notice and announce an area a war risk zone and, effectively, arbitrarily withdraw insurance cover? - like cases in the Straits of Malacca -""

Where can i get complete information about business insurance ?

where can i get the complete data for business insurance ..

Motorbike insurance question (UK)?

ok i am planning on building my own motorbike from scratch. i did a little bit of research into insurance costs and i can't seem to find any company that offers insurance for home built bikes. they all ask what make and model it is but how could i tell them that if i built it myself? also any suggestions of companies that would insure a home build would be help full. thanks guys & gals

Where can i get the cheapest car insurance and only 3rd party i am aged 18?

""Car accident, insurance and no insurance, what happens?""

So I got into a car accident, both cars totalled. I have insurance for the car and the other person does not have insurance, what happens? thanks""

Car insurance fraud am i paying too much ?

we got a new car out of the dealer and as u know it requires u to get full coverage.we went to are present insurance witch i had my 3000gt i asked if i could add the new car the guy who got us the insurance,he told us we needed to pay down payment again witch is weird when i wanted to add my 3000gt to my dads insurance they did not charge the down payment.but we also dont have licence and shes 23 and i am 25""

How much for a 17 year olds car insurance with a sports car?

Hi im 17 and im wondering about how much more would it cost if i went from a sedan to a sports car?

Is there health insurance that just covers serious conditions like cancer and is affordable?

I'm 55 retired & uninsured. I've given up hope of finding affordable health care. Recently I needed surgery and had to pay for it myself. When I told my MD he cut his fee from $22,000 to $13,000) and when I needed an MRI I was able to get a cash price of $350 if I had insurance they would have charged over $2,000. At the time I was happy but doesn't this illustrate why health care in the US is so screwed up?""

Cheapest California Auto Insurance?

Any One Can Tell Me The Cheapest California Auto Insurance

""Before Obamacare, my health insurance premiums were stable...?""

...this year they went up 17%. How can this be, if Obamacare was supposed to make everything more affordable?""

low cost full coverage auto insurance

Should i keep car insurance?

Car lot required full coverage car insurance to drive car off the lot. I just want the bare minimum can i switch to just liability? Or do i have to keep it?

What would my car insurance run me for this?

Ok.....im 16 years old and just got my license. Ive been driving for about 3 years now. But now im legal to drive on the real road now. I have a 1996 mustang cobra 2d hardtop. All stock except it has flows on it. I dont have the first clue on what to do on insurance cuz my family doesnt have car insurance cuz they are crazy people who dont belive in that crap....thats what they say......but if anyone out there is a insurance agent or somthin...maybe you can help me...work with me on this....give me a range on what i could expect to pay with full coverage or just liability....that would be great..... thanks :D

Any affordable health insurance for children in TX?

What would be a ridiculous insurance to get?

Insurance insurance. If something happens to your insurance, you're covered. Ridiculous insurance. If you're ridiculous, you're covered. Cereal theft insurance. If someone steals your cereal, you're covered. [Look out Lucky Charms man.] Cereal recovery insurance. If you steal cereal, but they have cereal theft insurance, you're covered.""

How much will it cost to get the affordable health care ?

people dont like it when they are forced to get this health care,but how much does it cost to get it in the first place?""

""New driver, teen car insurance?""

does anyone know about how much the average teen's car insurance is? im 17 and looking for a car, i have $1750 in my bank account... about how much would car insurance cost me? and how much do i have to pay upfront? i know its sometimes cheaper if you have good grades, and i have straight a's. can anyone help me? thanks!""

What is a good health insurance for an individual?

My dad lost his job 6 months ago, his new job doesn't have benefits. What is a good health insurance that will be cheap enough for a young college student that is affordable? (I ...show more""

Health insurance help please?

My husband and I were dropped by our health insurance company. We think it's because we started using our coverage (miscarriage). My husband is a contractor so the insurance they offer is pathetic and doesn't cover anything. But, we can't afford to being paying high deductibles and premiums. We make too much to get on medicaid, so we fall in the middle. Are there any programs or resources available for the average class family?""

What cars are good/affordable for first time drivers+ about how much would the insurance be for that car?

im wanting to buy a second hand car but want to know if i can afford all of the costs etc...so i was wondering if i could have any suggestions on good affordable cars, and an estimate on the insurance cost.""

Peugeot 106 or 206 for first car?

Im 17 and im goin to buy a new car , wot should i choose wot will be least on insurance will there be much difference , how much on average will insurnce be in the uk , north west, any other suggestions for a car upto 800 to spend, thanks x""

Can I stay on my parent's car insurance at age 25?

I will be turning 25 in a couple of weeks and I was wondering if insurance companies let you stay on your parents car insurance at that age. I moved back home about 2 years ago to finish my degree so I live under the same roof. My parent's car insurance is state farm.

I got pulled over in someone else's car that doesn't have insurance but I have my own?

Ok so I'm driving one of my friends car and I got pulled over for making an illegal u-turn. The car had no insurance and the cop told me to just show up to court and show them that I have proof of insurance on my own car and the ticket will be dropped? I currently have State Farm insurance and I live in the state of California. The officer told me that as long as I had permission to drive the car and my insurance covers me driving other cars I Should be fine. Is this true? Please help, I'm really worried and I don't wanna pay a big fine.""

Can I own a car and have someone else insure it?

Ok I'm 19 and currently own my own car and the pink slip is under my name but I know if I get insurance right now it will be high so I was wondering if my dad can insure it while I drive it under my name. I live in California and my dad has State Farm. Thank you.

The average price of car insurance?

Can i get braces free from insurance?

I reallllly need braces and I've been looking for any dentists in chicago that accept insurance in chicago. I live around cook county and anywhere around irving park or places near there would be fine but i really want to get braces that my insurance will cover. I am 13 years old.......thx!

Car Insurance Claims - EVERYONE UNDER 25 MUST LOOK - Will I lose my No Claims Bonus?

I have had my insurance for nearly a year now. I am the main driver and my dad is the second driver. My dad had a small bump in the car. If we have to claim in his name will it effect my No claims bonus and next years insurace quote, ([I will though be taking my dad off next years insurance)]""

Insurance help when modifying a car?

hi im thinking about doing my vauxhall corsa c up its a 03 plate. at the moment im insured on my uncles buisness fleet. which is very cheap for me as im 17 nearly 18. question.. will i need to tell my insurance about modifiying my car. and will it go up?

Cheap car insurance for 21 yr old?

I have a 2003 Grand Am. I've had it for a year. Until recently I had it in my mothers insurance policy. But hers has expired now and I would like to have it put under my own policy. I've had my license since I was 19. I've never had any violations, not even a speeding ticket. What are some cheap car insurance for my situation. I live in Kentucky.""

What does the car insurance go buy for grades?

does the car insurance deducation for grades go by all them added up such as a G.P.A. or all of them individual. also what grade do you need for the deducation i think it's a B but im not sure. fyi im a boy and have an 86 GPA

Car Insurance Question?

A couple of months ago, I checked out Insurance on Money Supermarket and got a cheap quote of 1,115.44 for a 5 door 1.1 Citroen Saxo, but I've been recently checking again and now all the quotes from the same company are over 4K??? Are they allowed to do this anyhow? And if I phone up the company and tell them about the cheap quote, will they give it to me?""

Can insurance company tell you were you can have your car fixed?

I have had a few cases were a relative has been in an auto accident and I could have fixed the car for them and done a much better job but the insurance company tells them they have to take the car to a preferred body shop for the insurance to pay. Can the insurance company actually tell people were to get their car fixed now a days? Is there a way to get the money out of the insurance company so they can take the car and have it fixed were they want the car fixed?

Does anyone know what homeowners insurance companies allow dogs like like chow chows?

We are thinking of getting a very sweet gentle chow from a local rescue group and our current insurance (Travelers) will cancel our policy should we get a chow (plus a whole other long list of breeds). I'd like to hear from someone w/ a german shepherd, sled dog (husky, malamute, akita), rott, pit bull, or other dog deemed dangerous about what insurance company you may use.""

Whats the cheepest car on insurance for a 17 year old and how much?

whats the cheepest car on insurance for a 17 year old and how much

Need cheap no-name insurance companies for motorcycle insurance?

Well, i live in Florida where motorcycle insurance is not required at all. But I need comprehensive insurance at least (and maybe liability too) so that I wont have to cry over a stolen bike after a week of purchase. I'm buying this bike in cash (2008 ninja 250R) and still big insurance companies like progressive and geico will charge me a thousand bucks a year for liability and comprehensive coverages alone. So, I need to know the names of some small insurance companies who wont use their big and flashy names to jack up their prices. please help. I dont wanna pay 1000 bucks a year for a 3500 dollar bike. Thanks.""

What would be the average cost on home insurance?

just an estimate, i have no clue is it 30$ a month, 100, 200, 300, 500?""

low cost full coverage auto insurance

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-insurance-rates-high-ford-mustang-alexander-gibson/"

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years

Text

I Asked 19 People Whether “Going on a Break” Ended in a Breakup

http://fashion-trendin.com/i-asked-19-people-whether-going-on-a-break-ended-in-a-breakup/

I Asked 19 People Whether “Going on a Break” Ended in a Breakup

My relationship with relationship “breaks” has been varied, passionate and overall ironic. I myself have never gone on an official break — I used to “not believe in them” — but I’ve been through breakups that lasted a day, a week, a year, before we reversed them: a break in practice if not in name. And nearly every time I’ve ended a relationship, I’ve used the consoling idea that we might have a future as a means to get through it, and every time, I believe it up until I no longer need to. I’m a gullible and fickle creature when it comes to love, capable of lying to myself over and over again. I have evidence in the form of 28 years of pop culture consumption and late-night talks with friends to believe we all have a little bit of love blindness in us. I think it’s part of the deal.

Going on a break is a divisive solution for a relationship rough patch. Some believe it’s just a fearful pitstop on the way to a breakup; others believe it can be a healthy and necessary means to see the relationship from a distance. Still others believe it’s a copout, a bad sign, an escape in sheep’s clothing. The beauty of the break, though, is it’s temporary by definition, which means its success or failure is imminent and at least somewhat objective. Relationship-break hindsight, in that sense, is rife with realizations. In order to mine that wisdom, I asked a bunch of people who went on a break about how theirs turned out. After you read through what they told me, meet me in the comments to further theorize on the efficacy of “the break.”

“About two years into our relationship, [we took a break]. We didn’t want to lose each other, but things weren’t working. The break lasted about a month. Skip ahead to two more years and we are no longer together. I am happy we did the ‘break’ thing in the past because I am currently not questioning if the relationship would be better now if it was revived. Already tried it and it was clear! The split was also much more amicable and loving than I ever could’ve expected. True ‘conscious uncoupling,’ Gwyneth-style.”

Ivy, 26

“Currently [on a break]! He is 18 years older than me and I felt as though I had some boxes left unchecked that I wanted to explore. Still love him and see him, but the pressure and anxiety of being in a relationship has been removed. Boundary-drawing has been difficult, but we are learning and I love having him in my corner without all of the added daily pressures of being in a full-on relationship.”

Steph, 23

“First semester of my freshman year I put my boyfriend on a break because we were heading towards becoming open and I was restless. I was also interested in someone else and overall feeling trapped. I put us on a break for three weeks — no talking. After three weeks, I went home and we broke up in a cafe. We both kinda knew it would happen at that point. After four months though, I missed him a lot. He called me and we spent a couple weeks talking and then got back together on V-day. Now we’re open. Neither of us regrets that break; it hurt a lot, but it was needed for us to grow individually. The break made us realize how much we meant to each other.”

Helena, 19

“We went for 2 weeks with just texting but no seeing each other. I ended up cheating on him during that time (but we never really defined clear boundaries, so I’m not sure it totally counts?) and we broke up about two weeks after the break was done. He never found out about the cheating. I thought it would have been nice to get some clarity, but I was just postponing the ultimate outcome.”

Martha, 24

“I was dating a guy in the military. We met in college and, after his first deployment, we talked about what our next steps were after being together for six years — was I going to “stick it out?” We decided we both needed the space to think through it. A few months in, he found out they were moving him overseas for a year, so we got back together and got engaged. He moved overseas and that was the unintentional break we actually needed. Enough so that we decided to call it off. He’s since married someone else, but I am so thankful for all that ‘time and space.’ I had started to live in his world, completely losing myself.”

Maria, 29

“My current boyfriend and I met when he was a married professor and I was his student in a college course. We commenced a relationship with the naive belief that we could avoid catching feelings. After a long affair with me, he found out his wife was also having an affair. They ended up getting a divorce and he needed to be single. I was devastated and felt deeply betrayed considering everything we had been through. We were broken up for a year, dated other people (I hated every minute of it) and eventually got back together. It’s been six years and we are going strong. It’s a long and twisted (and slightly unsavory) tale, but the bottom line is that because of our year apart, we realized that there was no one else better suited for either of us and we have never doubted since!”

Maria, 39

“My (now) husband and I went on a break for about four months a few years ago. At that point, we had been together for six years and he was living in California and I was living on the east coast, and long distance and all the anxiety surrounding it had really worn us both out. It sucked and we ultimately ended up getting back together after a lot of back-and-forth and a lot of sadness. About two months or so after we got back together, he moved back to the east coast to be with me and within a year we were engaged. I hated being on a break and when we got together I definitely didn’t take our relationship for granted nearly as much as I had before. However, it was really good for us in that we both got to experience what life was like without the other person being on the end of the phone and to sleep with and flirt with other people. I felt more comfortable getting married knowing that we had had that really intense time apart.”

Julia, 31

“My boyfriend and I went on a break after being together for 18 months. I could tell he wasn’t into it as much — he put out less effort, etc. I suggested we try something more casual and do a break. We kept talking for a few months and then he sort of fell off. We talked less and less and less. Then he got in a relationship with someone else on Facebook and I was surprised to find out we weren’t together anymore! He’s still with her but still calls and texts me drunk five years later…fun!”

Aleandra, 26

“[Went on a break] for maybe a month or two, on and off. It was confusing. We kept seeing each other and sleeping together because we still really liked each other and it was hard to keep away from one another. I remember telling him I would sleep over and have sex with him, but I wouldn’t kiss him on the lips, like that was an important line for me to draw for some reason. We ended up breaking up for real eventually, with no communication whatsoever. After three months of that ‘real breakup,’ we got back together (slowly, while talking through all our issues) and have been together ever since. That was three years ago.”

Emma, 24

“We had been dating for just over a year when we went on a break for three weeks. Rules were: no talking or texting, dates with other people [were allowed] but no kissing other people, and we even split up what days we could go to our acro yoga class. We didn’t have a shared dog, so I guess our class was our big shared item. Absolute overkill. It was torture, on my end. I just couldn’t stop thinking about our relationship and him. Thank goodness for girlfriends listening to me hash it out over and over again. We did get back together and dated for another two months before it ultimately ended. Did it help us with some of our problems? Yes. Did it fix the fact that our relationship was never going to end in commitment for life? No. I’m glad I gave that relationship everything I had, but I’d never do a break again. The break nearly broke me. Or at the very least, nearly broke anyone having to listen to me talk about it for three weeks straight.”

Jessica, 30

“I never thought I’d be ‘that girl’ who goes on a break with her significant other. It’s common knowledge that going on a break is just pregaming your breakup. But love can make you do weird things, hence why I put my long-term relationship on hold for ‘about a week’ only to break up with him three days later. I also never thought I’d be the girl who dumps her boyfriend and gets back together with him a month later, but here I am. Love is weird. Who cares if you’re ‘that girl?’”

Timarie, 19

“I went on a break with my boyfriend of three years because I was feeling discontent with the roles we had fallen into and realized I had completely stopped working on myself and wanted to make some more time for that. He seemed to agree at the time — when I said it face to face — but a day later he was already asking if I would to get dinner. I wanted to text a little less, but it was hard to orchestrate that when he kept texting me and I felt obliged to reply so as not to upset him. We then had a wedding coming up that had been planned [to attend] for a long time and we agreed we would go to it together. We slipped straight back into being a couple again without me really feeling like I had made the active decision that I wanted the relationship to carry on. So the break lasted around two weeks and now I’m in the awkward position of needing to bring up the same thing all over again because my feelings haven’t changed…”

Emily, 23

“I once went on a break with my boyfriend who was also long distance. After the first day, we never spoke again. He lived in Tennessee and I’m in Connecticut, so it was bound to flop anyway.”

Will, 19

“My ex-boyfriend begged and begged that we go on a break nearly a year into our relationship. He claimed he needed time to ‘figure out how to love me better’ (?!). He had lots of rules planned out about how often we would communicate. ‘We’ll write each other letters!’ he claimed. ‘That way we (read: he) can properly spell out how we’re feeling.’ I knew how I felt. I knew that I loved him, but it was apparent to me that he didn’t feel the same. Reluctantly, I agreed to said break. I also held up my end of the deal by writing and following the laid out rules he made up. I never heard from him. A ‘break’ was his way of just breaking it off without having the guts to say what he was feeling.”

Jade, 24

“My boyfriend and I went ‘on a break’ when we both moved to New York after college. It was my idea and he wasn’t into it at first, but I wanted us to separately get our bearings in a new city, instead of growing into a new life being dependent on each other for support. Eventually, it helped us both realize that we didn’t need to be in a relationship at all. We had a very amicable, mutual breakup at the end of the ‘break’ and we’re still friends!”

Zoe, 24

“We were both in school, end of the semester, prepping for our respective internships. I was moving to New York, he was staying local. Before I left, we said we were fine with each of us seeing other people. With our agreement, I went ahead and started to see someone new. He couldn’t deal with it and blew up on me. Cold shoulder for months. We are on fine terms now, but we never got back together after our ‘break.’”

Bridget, 21

“Last year my ex suggested the day before my birthday that we go on a break for a week (still convinced it’s because he didn’t get me a gift). After a week, I texted him and said, ‘I’m happy the way things are.’ Took a year to get over it and I’m so happy it happened.”

Colleen, 22

“I went on a break with a guy where we didn’t talk for a bit and he ended up moving to Ohio and not telling me. The only reason I found out was through his Snapchat story!”

Mallory, 19

“We went on a break for six months because I wanted to go live in Italy and he wanted me to be free and not worry about him. So I did just that. When I got back, he essentially ghosted me (we were going on 2.5 years) and so I dumped him. We got back together (by his request) and then broke up again six months later. Pretty sure I broke his heart by showing him I wanted to be my own person despite being with him and was able to do that happily.”

Emily, 22

Photo by Arthur Elgort/Conde Nast/Contour via Getty Images.

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shadowsatlantis · 7 years

Text

Dreaming up Atlantis- Chapter 3 Evil Imitating Life

When I finally reunited with my dad after years of grudge holding on my part, we had a talk about religion. My dad has been a religious studies teacher for many years as I write this in my 40’s. But I’m getting ahead of myself here. He always cared about my spiritual health, so he asked me about my lack of Catholicism. We discussed Atlantis, and he listened patiently to the tales of my theological adventures. I handed him a crystal and described crystal science. He was into Edgar Cayce and Sci Fi, so he had a broad imagination.

I was raised as a proper nerd with Dungeons and Dragons, war games, Star Trek, Star Wars as a ritual, and Atari, among my land of Barbie Dolls and Breyer horses. My dolls were a family band who were always on tour, which explained why they left their mansion (at my dad’s) and went on regular trips to their latest gigs (my mom’s.) At this point in my life, as a teenager, though my dolls were in my dad’s basement in DC turning green with mold, they had embarked on a permanent tour.

After dad and I got done with our philosophical discussion of the soul, he said I had described the laws of quantum physics. He sent me back to Colorado with a book called “Coming of Age in the Milky Way.” I studied Relativity, and other scientific principles after that. It may have been his way of gently nudging me toward science as a career, like my maternal grandfather. Tricky fella. Grandpa Powers was a man of scientific renown, and I could have been like him. In fact, science was second nature for me. I excelled in Chemistry. But really, I was still just a dreamer. And my parents were both starting to learn that I would take my own path no matter what they said.

Despite their subtle objections, I decided to get married when I was 22. It was a huge mistake. All my high school friends were doing it, even having babies. My family always assumed I would go to college, though, so I escaped that baby trap. I got married and moved to a house with the guy somewhere in Southern Colorado. His mom bought the house for us. He had charm and charisma and he was funny and quick witted. He grew weed. I had birds and dogs and outdoor cats from whom I learned the art of unconditional love. The guy changed the moment all the guests walked out of our wedding. I wanted to revel in the amazing fact that we were married, but he pushed me away and went to bed. He spent the next two years trying every sociopathic trick in the book to get me to change who I was. He hated everything that brought me happiness. He alienated me from my family and friends and destroyed my delicate relationship with my dad. I would be happy for a few days, and he would find a way to dismantle it. He’d sit me down and have to have a “talk.” My heart would sink as he would berate me with all the things I had done wrong that greatly hurt him. I had nothing but love for him, and to know that my very existence was his bane would crush me. Oftentimes I would end up huddled in a bawling mass in the darkness of the closet.

I had a little bird. He was a lovebird I named Coco. When he was a baby, he almost starved to death, so I had to keep him in an incubator and hand feed him. He and I bonded so deeply, it felt like he grew into my soul. He would ride around in my shirt, and no one knew I had a bird, unless he poked his head out underneath my chin. He died one day in an accident. Losing him was one of the greatest heartbreaks of my life. I still had my dog Shawnya. She was my only comfort. But once Coco was gone, I realized he was my only source of joy. He was the one who had kept me in my marriage. Without him, I was no longer happy.

One day, the husband decided to try a new manipulation tactic. I would work nights. He would stay up and wait for me to come home, then grunt and go to sleep. He wasn’t my husband, he was my jailor. I started to write. I’d journal for hours writing down all the horrible things he’d done to me, and how much I hated him. The story I had created about Brigitte so many years before became the story of my marriage. The king she married became the asshole I married. It was my creative catharsis. The fire in my soul had been almost completely extinguished. I was almost empty. Our marriage was built on a faulty foundation. It was a crumbling pillar of salt that I had begun to pour water on.

One day I didn’t come home. I stayed out with my boss and went home with him. I was done with my marriage, and the easiest way to be done was to do the one thing that scared him the most. I cheated on him.

When I got back, he was frantic. He had called the cops. He grilled me for hours about what I had done until I admitted I was with another guy. He freaked out. I picked up everything that wasn’t nailed down and threw it at him. I screamed and yelled about how much I hated him. We signed the divorce papers a few days later, and I moved back home to Fort Collins. He tried to pursue me. He tried to reach out to my family and get them to hate me. My family told him to fuck off. He was a sociopath. I learned that in my divorce therapy. In hind sight, now I see he did me a huge favor by giving me a literal crash course in all the head games sociopaths employ to manipulate people. Thanks, asshole. Sociopaths are naturally attracted to empaths. That’s, of course, what I am. Since then I have taken note of the fact that almost every guy who has ever pursued me has been a slick, quick witted sociopathic Cassanova-type. Yawn.

I have always known how to spot their tactics. It’s so ingrained in me, that it’s an intuitive understanding. Try Googling “sociopathic manipulation,” and see what comes up. Chances are you have experienced it once or twice. And if you’re an empath, many more times than that. It astounds me that they can be totally isolated from one another, and use the exact same methods to hurt people. They may even just have sociopathic tendencies, and not be a full-blown sociopath. They don’t even know it most of the time. It leads me to believe that it’s a psychological disease with very distinct symptoms. It’s the disease of evil. As for college, I did what I thought was the sensible thing. I wanted to study music and film, of course, but I chose instead to do what I wasn’t natural at. I chose business admin. I took a lot of history courses. Not because I loved the huge reading assignments they gave us, but because I was always fascinated with history. When I read, I absorb the words. I don’t skim. I memorize. So it takes me longer. I wasn’t all that cut out for history unless I wanted to spend all my time reading. I was better suited to make an independent study out of it, just like I always did. School rarely gave me the knowledge I was seeking. As such, I found myself again falling through the cracks.

One of my courses was the history of Latin America. I wanted to know more about the pyramids. By then I had already discovered the similarities between the many ancient pyramids of the world. My teacher one day announced that we would have a guest speaker. His name was David Hatcher Childress. He was a modern day maverick archaeologist who had written books about the anomalies of the ancient world. He spoke of Atlantis and Lemuria. Again, the knowledge of Atlantis seemed to be in hot pursuit of me.

My business focus was tourism and resort management. I was always obsessed with Walt Disney. I was sure I was Walt in my past life. I wanted to have a Disney career, and eventually start my own entertainment empire. I had invented this concept many years prior when I was working on a golf course as a beer cart girl. I redesigned the golf course, imagining how I would turn it into a resort of my making. I was putting out a newsletter, which I sent faithfully to all my aunts. I called it the Devas Center. There, one would be able to experience an immersive lifestyle and learn to become one with nature. I had my head in the clouds.

When I left my marriage, I also left college. I realized that building a career in resort management could be done so with practical application. So I started working in resorts. It’s a fitting lifestyle for me because I could work seasonally, and move when the seasons were over. So much for the accepted life path formula.

I was 24. Divorced, and living in my truck in my mom’s yard with my dog. I was truly free for the first time in my life. I drove to the top of the Continental Divide and declared my independence. I would choose to be free for the rest of my life. And thus, my real adventure began…

Mara Powers is author to the critically acclaimed visionary fantasy series: Shadows of Atlantis. www.shadowsofatlantis.com

#atlantis #esoteric #writerslife #coming of age #memoir #essays #autobiography #spirituality #insiration

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tj-van-heerden · 7 years

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Covenant breaking and sexual sins

Matt 5:27, 28 [WEB] 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery;’ 28 but I tell you that everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Matt 5:31, 32 31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorce,’ 32 but I tell you that whoever puts away his wife, except for the cause of sexual immorality, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries her when she is put away commits adultery.

Matt 15:18-20 18 But the things which proceed out of the mouth come out of the heart, and they defile the man. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual sins, thefts, false testimony, and blasphemies. 20 These are the things which defile the man; but to eat with unwashed hands doesn’t defile the man.”

Matt 19:8-9 8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it has not been so. 9 I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries her when she is divorced commits adultery.”

Matt 19:18, 19 18 He said to him, “Which ones?” Jesus said, “ ‘You shall not murder.’ ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ ‘You shall not steal.’ ‘You shall not offer false testimony.’ 19 ‘Honor your father and your mother.’ And, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”

Mark 7:20-23 20 He said, “That which proceeds out of the man, that defiles the man. 21 For from within, out of the hearts of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, sexual sins, murders, thefts, 22 covetings, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, and foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”

Mark 8:38 For whoever will be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man also will be ashamed of him, when he comes in his Father’s glory, with the holy angels.”

Mark 10:6-9 6 But from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. 7 For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will join to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Mark 10:11, 12 11 He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife, and marries another, commits adultery against her. 12 If a woman herself divorces her husband, and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Mark 10:19 19 You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder,’ ‘Do not commit adultery,’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not give false testimony,’ ‘Do not defraud,’ ‘Honor your father and mother.’ ”

Luke 16:18 Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery. He who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.

Luke 18:20 You know the commandments: ‘Don’t commit adultery,’ ‘Don’t murder,’ ‘Don’t steal,’ ‘Don’t give false testimony,’ ‘Honor your father and your mother.’ ”

John 8:4 they told him, “Teacher, we found this woman in adultery, in the very act.

Acts 15:20 but that we write to them that they abstain from the pollution of idols, from sexual immorality, from what is strangled, and from blood.

Acts 15:29 that you abstain from things sacrificed to idols, from blood, from things strangled, and from sexual immorality, from which if you keep yourselves, it will be well with you. Farewell.”

Acts 21:25 But concerning the Gentiles who believe, we have written our decision that they should observe no such thing, except that they should keep themselves from food offered to idols, from blood, from strangled things, and from sexual immorality.”

Rom 1:24-32 24 Therefore God also gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to uncleanness, that their bodies should be dishonored among themselves; 25 who exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. 26 For this reason, God gave them up to vile passions. For their women changed the natural function into that which is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural function of the woman, burned in their lust toward one another, men doing what is inappropriate with men, and receiving in themselves the due penalty of their error. 28 Even as they refused to have God in their knowledge, God gave them up to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, malice; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil habits, secret slanderers, 30 backbiters, hateful to God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, unforgiving, unmerciful; 32 who, knowing the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but also approve of those who practice them.

Rom 6:12 Therefore don’t let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts.

Rom 7:3 So then if, while the husband lives, she is joined to another man, she would be called an adulteress. But if the husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress, though she is joined to another man.

Rom 13:9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other commandments there are, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Rom 13:13, 14 13 Let’s walk properly, as in the day; not in reveling and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and lustful acts, and not in strife and jealousy. 14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, for its lusts.

1Cor 5:1 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles, that one has his father’s wife.

1Cor 5:9-11 9 I wrote to you in my letter to have no company with sexual sinners; 10 yet not at all meaning with the sexual sinners of this world, or with the covetous and extortionists, or with idolaters; for then you would have to leave the world. 11 But as it is, I wrote to you not to associate with anyone who is called a brother who is a sexual sinner, or covetous, or an idolater, or a slanderer, or a drunkard, or an extortionist. Don’t even eat with such a person.

1Cor 6:9, 10 9 Or don’t you know that the unrighteous will not inherit God’s Kingdom? Don’t be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexuals, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor extortionists, will inherit God’s Kingdom.

1Cor 6:13 “Foods for the belly, and the belly for foods,” but God will bring to nothing both it and them. But the body is not for sexual immorality, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.

1Cor 6:18 Flee sexual immorality! “Every sin that a man does is outside the body,” but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.

1Cor 7:2 But, because of sexual immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.

2Cor 12:21 that again when I come my God would humble me before you, and I would mourn for many of those who have sinned before now, and not repented of the uncleanness, sexual immorality, and lustfulness which they committed.

Gal 5:16, 17 16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you won’t fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, that you may not do the things that you desire.

Gal 5:19-21 19 Now the deeds of the flesh are obvious, which are: adultery, sexual immorality, uncleanness, lustfulness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, strife, jealousies, outbursts of anger, rivalries, divisions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these; of which I forewarn you, even as I also forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit God’s Kingdom.

Gal 5:24 Those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and lusts.

Eph 2:3 We also all once lived among them in the lusts of our flesh, doing the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.

Eph 4:18, 19 18 being darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardening of their hearts. 19 They, having become callous, gave themselves up to lust, to work all uncleanness with greediness.

Eph 5:3-6 3 But sexual immorality, and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be mentioned among you, as becomes saints; 4 nor filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not appropriate, but rather giving of thanks. 5 Know this for sure, that no sexually immoral person, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the Kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words. For because of these things, the wrath of God comes on the children of disobedience.

Col 3:5-10 5 Put to death therefore your members which are on the earth: sexual immorality, uncleanness, depraved passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 For these things’ sake the wrath of God comes on the children of disobedience. 7 You also once walked in those, when you lived in them; 8 but now you also put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and shameful speaking out of your mouth. 9 Don’t lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old man with his doings, 10 and have put on the new man, who is being renewed in knowledge after the image of his Creator,

1Thess 4:3-8 3 For this is the will of God: your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust, even as the Gentiles who don’t know God, 6 that no one should take advantage of and wrong a brother or sister in this matter; because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as also we forewarned you and testified. 7 For God called us not for uncleanness, but in sanctification. 8 Therefore he who rejects this doesn’t reject man, but God, who has also given his Holy Spirit to you.

1Tim 1:9-11 9 as knowing this, that law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, 10 for the sexually immoral, for homosexuals, for slave-traders, for liars, for perjurers, and for any other thing contrary to the sound doctrine, 11 according to the Good News of the glory of the blessed God, which was committed to my trust.

2Tim 2:22 Flee from youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Titus 2:12 instructing us to the intent that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we would live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present age;

Titus 3:3 For we were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another.

Heb 12:15, 16 15 looking carefully lest there be any man who falls short of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and many be defiled by it, 16 lest there be any sexually immoral person, or profane person, like Esau, who sold his birthright for one meal.

Heb 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled; but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.

Jas 2:10, 11 10 For whoever keeps the whole law, and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all. 11 For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not commit murder.” Now if you do not commit adultery, but murder, you have become a transgressor of the law.

Jas 4:4 4 You adulterers and adulteresses, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

1Pet 2:11 Beloved, I beg you as foreigners and pilgrims, to abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;

1Pet 4:3 For we have spent enough of our past time doing the desire of the Gentiles, and having walked in lewdness, lusts, drunken binges, orgies, carousings, and abominable idolatries.

2Pet 2:13-15 13 receiving the wages of unrighteousness; people who count it pleasure to revel in the daytime, spots and defects, reveling in their deceit while they feast with you; 14 having eyes full of adultery, and who can’t cease from sin; enticing unsettled souls; having a heart trained in greed; children of cursing; 15 forsaking the right way, they went astray, having followed the way of Balaam the son of Beor, who loved the wages of wrongdoing;

2Pet 2:18 For, uttering great swelling words of emptiness, they entice in the lusts of the flesh, by licentiousness, those who are indeed escaping from those who live in error;

2Pet 3:3 knowing this first, that in the last days mockers will come, walking after their own lusts

1John 2:16, 17 16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, isn’t the Father’s, but is the world’s. 17 The world is passing away with its lusts, but he who does God’s will remains forever.

Jude 1:7 Even as Sodom and Gomorrah and the cities around them, having in the same way as these given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are shown as an example, suffering the punishment of eternal fire.

Rev 2:14 But I have a few things against you, because you have there some who hold the teaching of Balaam, who taught Balak to throw a stumbling block before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed to idols, and to commit sexual immorality.

Rev 2:20-22 20 But I have this against you, that you tolerate your woman, Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess. She teaches and seduces my servants to commit sexual immorality, and to eat things sacrificed to idols. 21 I gave her time to repent, but she refuses to repent of her sexual immorality. 22 Behold, I will throw her into a bed, and those who commit adultery with her into great oppression, unless they repent of her works.

Rev 9:21 They didn’t repent of their murders, their sorceries [also implies the use of potions, poisons and drugs], their sexual immorality, or their thefts.

Rev 14:8 Another, a second angel, followed, saying, “Babylon the great has fallen, which has made all the nations to drink of the wine of the wrath of her sexual immorality.”

Rev 17:2 with whom the kings of the earth committed sexual immorality. Those who dwell in the earth were made drunken with the wine of her sexual immorality.”

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apastornamedrob-blog · 7 years

Text

Dementia: A methodology for ministerial understanding and practice.

This paper was originally a project for the Fuller Theological Seminary class, Disability and Mission.

This paper is about dementia and the call for the local church to become more aware of its effects on, not only the individual but also, the community. This paper draws from the experience the author had with his grandmother and her dementia, focusing on the void left in both his life, as well as hers. The intention of this is to show the reader the connections that are vital for the unity of all believers, affirming the connections made throughout the paper that a new definition is needed for dementia, as well as for the pastoral care that is given to those with dementia throughout their lives.

From Socio-Cultural to Theological Understanding

Through it all, my grandmother sat in a nursing home, wasting away. She was no longer married, having been divorced since before I was born. She should have been re-married, Ronnie was for all intents and purposes my grandfather. I could not bring myself to visit, but he was there every day, filling a void. I bought into a lie. I bought into the story that the world tells us. “She won’t remember you.” “She won’t remember your visit.” “It won’t matter.” Well, God remembers and she mattered to Him.

When my grandmother needed her grandson the most, I let her down. I could not fill her void even though I could see where she had filled a void in my own life. I just could not do it, because I was immersed in the chaos of the lie.1

Our understanding of what dementia is has evolved rapidly. While we can pin down the science of it all due to the advances in neurology, dementia has been memorably termed the “theological disease.”2 Dementia raises great questions to our relationship with God. J.I. Packer wrote a book called, Knowing God, but when you begin to forget who you even are, how do you retain a closeness with the Creator of Heaven and of earth? Packer states that we are made to know God, that knowing God is to be the aim of our lives and that the knowledge of God is eternal life.3

Dementia has been defined differently over the years. According to Martin Albert and Bracha Mildworf, “we are moving closer to the true definition of dementia.”4 Albert and Mildworf suggest that this is because who society has looked to in defining dementia has shifted. Priests were originally those who were called upon for diagnosis. This has since shifted into the scientific realm with the Enlightenment where dementia had found a home in psychology, but even psychology was not where dementia would stay. The more recent science of neurology has been the residence of the brain disorder. This means that dementia has long been a culturally defined phenomenon, as culture shifted, so too has the definition of dementia.

This leads John Swinton to say, “The shape of dementia is inevitably flexible and permeable, always open to re-description.”5 Our current scientific culture labels dementia as a brain disease that is incurable and has a wide variety of causes and speeds of progression. The disease is known to be incapacitating of the brain functions, particularly of cognitive functions. Swinton says that, “Within this narrative of loss and inevitable neural destruction, the person will lose control of their emotions and their social skills, and their ability to interact appropriately will begin to decline, as will their motivation for the tasks of living.”6

Dementia is not terminal even though the individual eventually loses intellectual, linguistic and cognitive functions. Here lies the transitory parameter in which we pivot the defining limitations dementia bestows towards the light of gospel message. Oliver Sacks says that, “Neurology’s favorite word is ‘deficit’…”7 In our post-Christendom society where the Enlightenment reigns supreme, people are all too eager to note what is lacking with, or within, a person. This is where theologians like Packer emphasize a little too much what we gain in a relationship with God versus what is bestowed. As Paul would tell the Galatians, it is not that they know God, “but rather are known by God.”8

While medical definitions aid a person in understanding the changes they, or their loved one, are going through, it is not the defining narrative for human life. To say that we know what dementia is without knowing the person with dementia9 is to err. As Eileen Shamy states, “dementia is not the name of any disease. Rather, it is a name given to a set of symptoms indicating a need for investigation by a competent doctor trained in this field of medicine.”10 Swinton can then succinctly state, “Medical definitions are helpful for medical purposes, but they may be considerably less helpful for working through the contribution of theology and pastoral care to the process of defining and responding to dementia.”11

The theological way to define dementia is through our relationships with one another. Swinton purposes that we need a hermeneutical approach that requires a closeness with others. That relationship combined with experience has been shown to produce a resilience in the deterioration of the brain.13 Society may well actually have a cause in producing late-stage dementia due to the collapse of relationships. This is what makes dementia a theological disease.

Spirit – Body – Soul: A Constructive Definition

My mother liked to say that the woman she knew was gone. Like all that remained was a shell. She would tell me that once Grandma stopped being who we would recognized her to be, God had taken her to be with Him in paradise.

We are all born with a physical body that is best defined and analyzed in the sciences. We are not born with souls, contrary to the popular Christian belief.14 Paul wrote to Timothy that God, “who alone is immortal…”15 Human beings have no immortal nature; everlasting life is a gift from God, it is a gift that is bestowed because God knows who we are. Veli-Matti Karkkainen states, “the faithful God will remember the pattern that is me and re-embody it in the eschatological act of resurrection.”16

The beginning of the error that many theologians make is to state that the spirit and the soul are synonymous. This has caused many to believe in a fantastical soul-separated-from-the-body future where the body is “left behind” so that there is a harmonious sinless afterlife with God, anywhere else but on earth. Karkkainen posits that he does not believe that, “a ‘soul’ is needed to guarantee continuity between this life and the life to come, because, simply put, making the soul the locus of continuity doesn’t really explain much in the first place!”17

The “thing” that “gives us an identity that does not die is not our nature, but a personal relationship with God.”18 It is not your spirit, it is not your body (nature), and it really is not your soul. Soul is the word we use to make that connection with God a tangible object that humanity can hold. The hope of the resurrection is not for a detached spiritual fantasy, it is a very tangible bodily existence with God that exists for the whole person, not just the soul.

What we must understand is that when we talk about spirit, we are talking about worldviews. To say that we are “spiritual” means that we have a unique lens that we use to perceive the world around us. We even lose a lot of what it means to be spiritual in our individualistic societies because even worldviews are not individually held, rather, they are held within society. This is what is known as the “zeitgeist,” or the “Spirit of the Age.” Whether we want to accept it or not, Dallas Willard says, “You have a spirit within you and it has [already] been formed.”19

The whole concept of spiritual formation in Christ is not formation, but rather transformation.20 What happens is that your spirit dies (you die to self) and instead of your spirit prevailing, the Holy Spirit takes residence within you; this is transformation into Christlikeness. It is at this point, God knows you. He knows the whole you: your thoughts, your feelings, your choices, your body and your social context. Willard would call the factor that integrates these into one life is your soul.21 Your life in God is then awakened and Christ can shine upon you.22 Christ is now free to be the Lord of your life, guiding you like the Good Shepherd He is, into everlasting life with Him.

Considering dementia, the point is not that the one afflicted with dementia has forgotten God. The point is that God remembers who that person was before their brain ever began to deteriorate. With a disorder that so cripples the integrity of a person, who quite literally has begun to physically “die to self,” the evidence of their spirituality has never been a question of whether they understand, or they comprehend what is happening now, but rather that God has known who they are in Christ. God has “raised them with Christ”23 because of the grace He has given; not because of the works that are done in the flesh. Peter Kevern states, “Grace overspills our conscious nature; the liberating power of the gospel extends even to those who have forgotten what the gospel is.”24 God has purchased them with the blood of Christ and has made His dwelling, not in the individual alone, but within the community of believers he/she belongs to.

This is the element that we must begin to understand if we are ever going to grasp a theological definition of dementia, it is the community that God dwells within, not the individual. To reach this point, we must do away with our individualistic understandings of the faith. We must reach a level of immersion within the narrative of God if we ever truly desire to “know” what it is to think theologically.

Soteriology & Eschatology

At my grandmother’s funeral, my uncle greeted me with a stern handshake, pulling me close to whisper, “You should be officiating this funeral, you knew her better than he does.” The truth is, I was not sure I really did know her. I wanted to believe I knew where she was and that one day we would be reunited together in the resurrection, but how could I be certain?

It is at this point that if one is immersed within the community of God, why then would they be afflicted with such a horrendous disorder? Nancy Mace and Peter Rabins note that, “To struggle with such questions is part of the experience of faith.”25 To struggle with this one’s mind would turn to sin and evil. This paper does not pretend to go into a theodicy, but it is towards salvation and the plan that God does have for the culmination of this world that we turn.

What is at the heart of God’s plan for the entire created order is found in the Hebrew word shalom. The essential backdrop for the entire redemptive work of God is found in the shalom that is represented in Genesis 1-2. As theology notes, after this is the “Fall” of Genesis 3 and then sin became the issue that God set out to “fix.” While theologically there is truth to this concept, the reality is that God sought to restore shalom. If one relegates the salvic work of Jesus to just the correcting of sin, we miss the point that reconciliation is meant for the entirety of creation, “the renewal of the cosmos so that shalom is restored.”26

There was not a state of shalom the day that my grandmother was put to rest. Doubt, fear, and frustration clouded my judgment and questioned the salvation of my grandmother and myself. In moments like that, it is hard to place trust in the fact that Jesus is the Messiah, the one who opens up the triune life of God to humanity, or the one who restores all of creation to shalom.27 The fact that each of these events hold historical weight is easily dismissed.

What we must be clear of is that there is a historical precedence that is set in the salvic work of Jesus. Jesus entered human history to begin a restoration of creation to shalom, and one day He will return to finalize shalom. Jesus ushered the kingdom of God onto earth during his earthly ministry. “The kingdom of God, embodied and represented by Jesus, is the salvation that God brings into history.”28 This presents an ultimate truth to the believer who slips into dementia: God does not forget who you were, even if you do. He will restore you on that Day.

This goes for all of creation. There will be a day where there will be no more pain, no more tears, no more crying. As it is written, “for the former way of things has passed away.”29 God will then make all things new again, including the “soul” of the one who suffered with dementia, as well as all the disabled, along with those who passed who were of abled bodies. We will all taste the resurrection of the dead, obtaining paradise; a renewal and return to the shalom of the created order that God intended from the beginning.

This brings up an intriguing question: did God intend dementia to be a judgment? An act of God whose purpose was to make Him and His intentions known? The Egyptians were given such a judgment, seven to be precise, in order so they might know that Yahweh was God.30 One should argue that such a judgment was given, not only so that the Egyptians would know that Yahweh was God, but so that the Jewish people would realize as well. Is it possible to believe that dementia is a judgment so that humanity returns to his created function of community to restore the shalom of God? Peter Kevern concluded in a recent study that, “one possible dimension to ‘spirituality’ which is brought into relief by people with dementia is its shared, collective and social character.”31 A community is inflicted, not just an individual. Kevern goes on elsewhere to state, “it is clearly the natural domain of the Christian community rather than the formal machinery of the Department of Health.”32 It is not the world’s issue; it is the church’s.

Ramifications for Practice

The tears flowed from my face as I realized that I had spent all my energy ministering to my family (immediately following my grandmother’s passing) instead of processing her death and what it meant to me. The spiritual emptiness of who I was in that moment lingers years later. It was not until recently that the reality of who I failed to be would hit me and completely alter my spiritual formation in Christ. I failed because I stressed self over family, self over community.

Peter Kevern has done extensive work researching the spiritual care of dementia. His research is very limited due to “the available empirical evidence is overwhelmingly dependent on conscious, intentional meaning-making and communication by the person with dementia themselves; and/or the interpretative activity of the observer or companion.”33 Kevern is adamant that it is the church’s responsibility. Kevern explains how the balance of community effects our identity:

… we do not hold our identities as individuals, but as members of communities. As an infant, each human being is recognized by others before they come to recognize their own individuality and take personal responsibility for their thoughts and actions. As a person’s symptoms of dementia progress, the balance of responsibility again shifts back from the individual to the community; simply recognizing the social contribution of someone with dementia can help to maintain their recongizability as an individual person.34

Dietrich Bonhoeffer is quoted as saying, “Christian community means community through and in Jesus Christ. On this presupposition rests everything that the Scriptures provide in the way of direction and precepts for the communal life of Christians.”35 Paraphrased this means that Christ exists in community through the church. It is the communal tasks of Christians to be there to fill the void of the lives of those with dementia. Stephen Post states that, “Our task as moral agents is to remind persons with dementia of their continuing self-identity.”36

Bonhoeffer also stated, “It is easily forgotten that the fellowship of Christian brethren is a gift of grace, a gift of the Kingdom of God that any day may be taken from us, that the time that still separates us from utter loneliness may be brief indeed.”37 The loneliness that a person who is forgotten with dementia could very well be hell on earth for that individual. We are not sure what is left and what has been lost when it comes to those with dementia. This leads Swinton to state, “A person does not lose her self; her community loses her.”38

Amos Yong is correct when he states, “disability is never only the problem for impaired individuals, but that it exists inextricably as a social (and even and especially, an ecclesial) phenomenon and reality.”39 Yong presents the argument that the Apostle Paul directed the inclusion of those with disabilities in 2nd Corinthians. The idea is that through weakness we are made strong for it is through grace that we are empowered for Christian living.40 This grace is as Bonhoeffer stated, the basis for our communities that we call church. Yong goes on to say, “my claim is that inclusion of people with disabilities in this context not only does no violence to Paul’s rhetoric but fits well with the overall intent of what Paul is attempting to do in this passage – which is to break down the elitist, triumphalistic, and exclusionary attitudes that certain Corinthians had developed vis-à-vis others in the congregation.”41

What the church today must accomplish is a robust ministry that attends to shut-ins. This cannot be accomplished merely by establishing a visitation schedule. There needs to be a robust relationship that is extended beyond the normal fellowship into the visitation. This means creating lasting relationships through vital fellowship of the saints today to effectively combat the deterioration of cognitive functions. It means singing songs they remember. It means reminding them of their favorite verses of Scripture. It means reminding them of who they are in Christ.

As, in faith, the person experiencing dementia is held and sustained within the affirming boundaries of human and divine relationships, they are re-membered. To re-member something is to bring back together that which has been fragmented. To re-member a person with dementia is to offer them the kind of relational environment which mirrors God’s loving, remembrance and unchanging embrace and, in so doing, draws back together the wholeness of the person whose life has been fragmented by the experience of dementia. Such a relationship both re-members the person and remembers for them.42

Conclusion

It has been the purpose of this paper to draw the conclusion that a heightened ecclesial ministry of relational building will provide a robust answer to the diminishing effects of late-stage dementia. While this paper has been anything but exhaustive, efforts to show the link between remembrance shifting from us to God, from communal to individual and back to communal, display the rationale for such a call to heightened ecclesial awareness. Without the Church, believers have no community to express their faith. The Church is the greatest gift God has given outside of salvation itself, for it provides for us the vehicle in which we become Christlike and the platform to display the gifts of the Spirit that show to the world whose we are.

NOTES:

1. Excerpt from a sermon the author preached 12 February 2017 at the West Court Street Church of God in Flint, Michigan. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv2L6bZPw1c

2. David Keck, Forgetting Whose We Are. (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1996).

3. J.I. Packer, Knowing God. (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1993), 33.

4. Martin Albert and Bracha Mildworf, “The Concept of Dementia,” Journal of Neurolinguistics 1989, 4, no. ¾, 301-308.

5. John Swinton, Dementia: Living in the Memories of God. (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2012), 38.

6. Ibid, 39.

7. Oliver Sacks, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales. (London: Picador, 1985), 3.

8. Galatians 4:8.

9. Swinton, 44.

10. Eileen Shamy, A Guide to the Spiritual Dimension of People with Alzheimer’s Disease and Related Dementias. (London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2003), 45.

11. Swinton, 47.

12. Swinton, 58.

13. Tom Kitwood, Dementia Reconsidered. (Buckingham: Open University Press, 1997), 19.

14. R.S. Anderson, On Being Human. (Pasadena: Fuller Seminary Press, 1982), 182.

15. 1 Timothy 6:16.

16. Veli-Matti Karkkainen, Creation and Humanity. (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2015), 345.

17. Ibid, 349.

18. John Zizioulas, “Doctrine of the Holy Trinity,” The Trinity Today, ed. Christoph Schwobel. (Edinburgh: T&T Clark, 1996), 58.

19. Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart. (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2012), 13.

20. Ibid, 14.

21. Ibid, 30.

22. Ephesians 5:14.

23. Ephesians 2:6.

24. Peter Kevern, “Community without memory?” International Journal for the Study of the Christian Church, 2011, 12:1, http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/1474225X.2011.598347, 48.

25. Nancy Mace and Peter Rabins, The 36-Hour Day. (New York: Hachette Book, 2012), 375.

26. R. Plantinga, T. Thompson, and M. Lundberg, An Introduction to Christian Theology. (New York: Cambridge University Press, 2010), 262.

27. Ibid, 264-265.

28. Ibid, 275.

29. Revelation 21:4.

30. Exodus 7:17.

31. Peter Kevern, “The spirituality of people with late-stage dementia,” Mental Health, Religion, and Culture, 2016 October 16, http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/13674676.2015.1094781, 8.

32. Peter Kevern, “I pray that I will not fall over the edge,” Practical Theology 2011, 4.3, 283-294, 293.

33. Kevern 2015, 5.

34. Kevern 2011a, 48-49.

35. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together. (New York: HaperOne, 1954), 24.

36. Stephen Post, “Respectare,” Dementia: Mind, Meaning, and the Person. Eds, Julian Hughes, Stephen Louw, and Steven Sabat, 223-234. (Oxford: University Press, 2006), 229.

37. Bonhoeffer, 20.

38. Swinton, 107.

39. Amos Yong, The Bible, Disability, and the Church. (Grand Rapids, Eerdmans, 2011), 88-89.

40. 2 Corinthians 12:10.

41. Yong, 92.

42. John Swinton, “Remember the Person,” Aging, Disability, and Spirituality, ed. Elizabeth MacKinlay, 22-35. (London: Jessica Kingsley, 2008), 34.

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