#he took a two hour break in the middle of his reservist work for me to what.. cry and sob and rant and that’s what i do all the time
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He... had been listening to me cry for at least twenty minutes over the phone just now
#im feeling real sad today. really emotional. maybe im lacking sleep#i really dont understand... what he sees in me sometimes#and how someone as good as him would like someone like me???#and i feel so awful and mean towards him. i feel like he deserves better#on sad days or days im overwhelmed by how much i feel for him#id think that he could do better and find someone better#why do i always do this to myself#it’s like i feel like i m undeserving of something good??? when it actually lands in my lap#thinking about this makes me cry so much and i just. i just want to talk to him even more and i wish i was with him but we are#half the world apart rn and he’s at reservist and my friends are leaving tomorrow for their thanksgiving break holidays and so is my roommat#e. and my dad just got his appendix removed after being admitted to the A&E and it was kinda a miserable day from noon onwards aft the rain#i suddenly feel so... alone. and kinda empty. maybe im really lacking sleep. maybe ive had too much coffee for today. a cup at lunch and a#caramel brulee latte? thats a lot of caffeine for the afternoon girl!!!! and perhaps that’s throwing my emotions out of whack too#i havent been writing in my diary either. the last i wrote was a month ago when i cried six times in a day from homesickness#i still miss home from time to time but it doesnt make me cry now. and i miss him so much too. we’d be meeting for dinner the day i return#and im so excited to see him!! it’s so near yet so far.. sigh. i really really wish im not so emotional#he took a two hour break in the middle of his reservist work for me to what.. cry and sob and rant and that’s what i do all the time#i cant imagine how he puts up with me. why is he so kind why is he LIKE THAT. it actually literally pains my heart when hes so nice to me#its like a stabbing pain. and i feel guilty. i feel so guilty for unloading all my troubles on him#DUDE I AM AT IT AGAIN. CRYING!!!!! LIKE A CRY BABY!!!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#monologue in the tags
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