U HAVE BEEN HOLDIN OUT ON VOX AND VAL FICS SINCE 2021???????!!????!?? 😭😭

Vox and Val concepts, but lmao yeah 🤣 although if you want me to be blunt anything with Vox in it was saved real short. the tricky thing is like, for one I actually haven't done any "research" on Vox like for Val so I don't have a good grip on his personality besides "cocky smug little shit who has a soft spot for his friends/shark and is kind of a dweeb who wears like Hawaiian shirts and a baseball cap on dates with his boyfriend"

Tbh there's a LOT of drafts for Val but not much for Vox, however there is that one idea I actually drew fanart for and posted about where "Reader meets Val and Vox by chance in a club, they develop a rapport, keep bumping into each other in public, the duo eventually finds out you're dating Alastor (and not entirely happy about it) and steals you away".

Tbh I really like the idea of Reader hanging out with Val and Vox like a dozen times and you idly mention your boyfriend now and then and they're on the downlow about being jealous as fuck and wanting to know who the bastard is.

"Oh yeah sorry I missed you guys the other night, I had a date with my boyfriend, he wanted to go to the theater"

"Ugh, gosh I'd drink if I could but my boyfriend is mad I keep coming home hung over"

"Ha, yeah, my boyfriend hates this stuff, I can't bring this back home if I wanted to"

Eventually one night the two Overlords bump into you after youve been lowkey ghosting them and you seem really quiet and stressed out and drinking a lot and say Vox says something like "what, your shit boyfriend want you home early again tonight?"

"Fiance"

"...What?"

"Fiance. He wants to get married, um, as soon as possible"

Vox and Valentino just gritting their teeth as you start listing some of the more personal details you never let loose before. You don't have a TV at home or any electronic devices besides your phone because 'he absolutely hates technology and has some weird hatred of monitors'. He doesn't like you drinking to get drunk and he bans anything more "recreational" than liquor which is why you're always bumming/buying weed off of Vox.

And I imagine at some point in the conversation you finally slip up. "I mean I know all relationships have difficulties but Alastor just-"

"The fuck you mean, 'Alastor'? The RADIO DEMON 'Alastor'? You're dating HIM?" And its obvious you were keeping it a secret because you wanted your new friends to like you and you're tearing up the second they're showing any signs of anger (even though it's at Al, not you) and I imagine they say some bullshit like "well hey if he won't let you party anymore, let's make tonight one big celebration, just one last time" segue into them pushing drinks and drugs at you until you either pass out or get roofied and, boom youre waking up in a room you dont recognize. Like, I imagine waking up in their bed, your eyes pop open and you turn and see one of them and jerk back, not realizing you're between both of them so you basically bump into the other, and the one you bump into is very loud and obnoxious, "what the fuck Val, what's your fucking--" and then both of them are waking up and you're checking your phone and you have countless missed calls and texts from Alastor and he HATES using anything other than a rotary phone so you KNOW he's furious

for some reason you have all these phone notifications for Voxtagram/Sinstagram/whatever they've named it now and you open it and. Oh no what did they do. Both Vox and Val had posted pictures online, ones of them and YOU, different kinds of photos. You three throwing drinks back, you and Vox shoulder to shoulder on your phones, you looking absolutely flustered beyond belief as Valentino seems to be saying something to you with the biggest most flirtatious smirk on his face, with some of the last photos including, oh god, both of them had uploaded different versions of making it EXTREMELY obvious they took you home for some fun. I can see Valentino blatantly fucking uploading a picture of like, he's got Vox on one side, you on the other, both of you passed out and here's Val "best way to end a night is to fuck the hos to sleep 🍆💦😴 #bejealous #pimplife #allnightfuckmarathon" and properly just straight up tags your profile too.

You're just frantic, "OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU DO AL'S GOING TO KILL ME" and rushing to put your clothes back on and both of them are either like "you're going back to him????" And are angry, OR, act suspiciously unfazed, almost as if they know for an absolute fact that you won't be able to go anywhere...

i wish i had more dapu interview pics so i could direct all the non daft punk fans to them and lower their expectations

“Also??? I am ridiculous. You didn’t had the time to answer my other ramblings about him I AM SO FUCKING SORRY HAHAHAH I just don’t know nowhere else where to go with this shit. So I am just dropping this by you, bc I know your are going to make the most of it and you don’t mind ( or at least I hope so???) Anyways please never feel forced or pressured to answer these because they are just brainrot.

So guys like Twitch Streamer!Zeke huh??? I didn’t plan on add something but some of the other ideas really inspired me so I will extend my thoughts a little lol.

Okay so just imagine, after a few months of playing and streaming with Zeke everyday, he starts to think (he doesn’t do that all the time no no). There are some other Steamers out there who he often plays with and who you Are often playing with. So he starts building a group, you helping him adding members to them. And then you make a twitch streamer house. You all pay a part of it and gather all your Gaming stuff there. Switches, Playstations, computers, everything all over the place. Some even start vlogging and blogging, filming videos to upload them on YouTube. Going out together and eating some from the chat recommended restaurants is now on video too. It blows up like crazy. Zeke didn‘t plan on this to happen, the be honest, he just wanted a reason to move in with you and get to know you in real life, not only through video games and chatting. Of course he likes the other members too but he is found in your room, playing games together and even making music. Because he likes to mess around on the keyboard and with drums and beats a bit. Creates a lofi song from Time to time.

He starts to get cautious and anxious about his feelings because?? What if you liked him better over VR? What if he is not your type? But all of this is blown away as you end the stream one evening a little earlier than he had thought and started to kiss him, finally making a move. And boy is he happy. Immediately takes a little break from the twitch house to get some personal space with you in his or your apartment. While you guys are gone the house starts to get down into real trouble, members are leaving and new members are added without your or Zeke‘s agreement. As soon as you both find this out you leave it be, moving out and moving together.

And the people are lien O.o? Homies dipped for a few days and now are moved together out of the house?? aRE yA TogEThEr? Zeke and you keep it a secret as long as you want it, he doesn’t mind showing everybody that you are his. And deep down Zeke is very happy because...

Well you can’t suck him off under the desk when he is streaming and playing a game when there are other streamers in the same house right? You can‘t keep his cock nice and warm in your cunt when he making another LoFi song, when you are at the streamer house.

Also i want to add another game Zeke is absolutely bawling about: Fall guys. It’s a hate-love relationship between him and this game. He likes the challenge that comes within it but BOY. The other players. PEOPLE STANDING RIGHT INFRONT OF THE GOAL AND NOT LETTING HIM PASS??? Rage quit. Sometimes he will end the stream then and there when he looses and fuck the shit out of you, taking out his frustrations. But as hard as he is pounding you, he is still sweet. He wants you to call him the best one out there, the only gamer who is as good at beating games as filling up this tight pussy.

If anybody is interested yes this idea is a little inspired by the Twitch Streamer House Offline TV I believe? Some names you may know are Fat, Lily Pichu or Pokemane. They are genuinely funny and if you enjoy video games and some good Humor you should check them out (if you got free time lol). Man. I just noticed that my stories this evening are a little bit more soft & shit?? How did that happen? We need to get back to dirty nasty shit. Gimme a few hours and my brain will combine the nasty and filthy shit for y‘all

Also i would like to know if anybody likes Splatoon 2 as much as I do because I have been loosing my shit & time at this game and I low-key think Zeke would play it too but not for too long but is anybody in the same boat as me? Asking for a friend (no for real anybody know Splatoon 2??????) -🍆”   

Alright sorry again for taking so long to answer, turns out I can't FUCKING READ IF I DONT TAKE MY MEDS beat me up pls

I do not know Splatoon at all 😭 I am sorry but I may check out that YouTube stuff to think about Streamer Zeke some more... hehe

Streamer Zeke who falls head over heels for you. It's absolutely ridiculous. He's suave enough to become your friend, close enough to start this little house of yours with his other friends like Streamer Porco and Streamer Pieck as well as vlogger Reiner and his little brother who plays games but also films skating video.

You work with him to gather this house together, organizing everything (you requested bean bags and Zeke delivered 10x with giant comfortable bean bags.) Eventually you end up catching on to his feelings for you. No, he never really came onto you. Super respectful of you and your space but he does want to be with you a lot, it's how he shows his love -- with buying you things and quality time. Plus, the blush across his face whenever you playfully flirt with him is priceless. And whenever you dress up nice? He can barely be near you. You look so good he cant help it. Even when you wear sweatpants and pajamas he's simping hard. Hearts in his eyes 24/7. He keeps it on the downlow but sometimes it's so obvious especially when you two stream together he acts different. Biting his lips red and raw and a small strawberry blush settled on his cheeks that only few notice.

Then dual streaming together, (are you streaming in the same room? Is that how it works? Probably not but let's just say it us for now,) he's nervous. He can hide it mostly but then when you two finally fall into a softer more viable atmosphere he can finally breathe and be comfortable with you while streaming. Eventually you're cueing off way earlier than he thought but he goes with it smoothly, turning to ask you what's up before you pull him into a kiss.

He's red. Stuttering out "oh-okay" before you pull him into another long winded kiss, leaning over the arm of his chair to kiss him while he's trying to maneuver his chair to face you and trying to keep his lips on yours. He's pined too long to not have his lips on yours in this very moment. Pulling you to stand between his legs and into one of the most heated and loving make-out sessions. Zeke feels like he's a teen again with you twirling the hair at the back of his neck and him playing with the edge of your shirt nervously.

When you pull away, he pouts. Full lipped pout with a whine sticking in his throat, trying to pull you back to him, and who are you to deny him?

He does sneak into your room to mess with you, even during streams to mess with the little sound board, making stupid little songs while you play. It's cute in a an annoying way, shooing him away with a little fly swatter while he giggles, running out the room.

Eventually, Eren is inviting too many people over, inviting others to join the house without Zekes agreement and as much as he tries to talk sense into him, it's no use. So with this secret relationship of yours, cuddling in your room he asks if you two should move out. He's the eldest so it'd make sense even if the house becomes chaos without him and you don't deserve to he left behind. He knows you find his little brother annoying without even saying anything for his sake. You're getting tired of Armin too, to be honest. Mikasa is nice but paired along with the other two it's impossible to get a good conversation with her.

They aren't even aware of you two moving out before the day comes. All the furniture, gaming consoles, electric piano he likes to play, and more. Including two bean bags that weren't ruined.

I can't get this scenario out of my head but imagine him peeking into your separate gaming room at the new apartment, shirtless and in sweats, strategically staying out of the way of the camera and when you glance at him he's smirking. He's tempting you to end stream and pay attention to him now.

And fuck does it work. Trying to end stream with a little smile on your face while Zeke lean against the doorframe. Thing is you don't exactly hit the right button as you get up, leaving the stream playing while you pull him into the room and stumbling onto him whole he leans back onto the couch. Pulling him into a heated kiss with a hand on his throat, dominating him much more than anybody would ever expect.

It's not like you two ever went explicitly public ever. So the stream is blowing up, skyrocking it to numbers you've never seen before Zeke is patting your back to get your attention. You can barely say anything as you go to really turn of the stream. Muttering a sorry with disheveled hair and clothes and swollen lips to match the actions everyone just caught, both you and Zekes phones blowing up with calls and texts from friends.

"Well..." Zeke sighs and leans back with a bittersweet smile, "now everybody knows..."

You sigh with your smacking against his chest, "I'm sorry, I didn't- that was stupid of me."

He just rubs your back and laughs, "well, that may have worked in our favor. Now we don't have to announce it formally, just respond to the reaction of everybody. Though, they got to see me shirtless and you be all sexy on top of me. I don't appreciate that much..."

Because that's only for his eyes to see, and yours as well. Plus, this will get other streamers to stop flirting with you, so that's an advantage in his eyes. Now you can stream as a couple too if you two wanted. But he does like the keep couple things between just the two of you, a clear divide between his romantic life and his streaming and work life which the both of you two appreciate endlessly. Though... the times when those two mix are fun to say the least.

Sitting underneath his desk while he streams is risky but it has his blood pumping so fucking quick. Cock in your mouth, hallowing your cheeks which makes him want to roll his hips but he has to resist. The blush on his face is already suspicious and the moments he pauses or groans only can happen so often before people make jokes about someone being under the desk. But both of you manage, him cumming as quietly as he can into your mouth with the volume of the game turned high. You keep suckling a bit until he's nudging you off his cock while his works his spit covers cock back into his pants, continuing stream for another hour before ending and letting you finally get out from under the desk.

He'll support you from under the desk too but you're much better at keeping your composure for some reason and it pisses him off. Tongue lapping messily at your folds while your thighs are thrown over his shoulders as you stream. After it ends without you orgasming he goes ham. Trapping you in the chair and fingering you with vigor until you're orgasming at least twice. He wants you shaking so he will have it. He wants you babbling and your cum all over his face and won't stop, moaning when you pull his hair and wetting the towel you set down on the chair before anything was started.

He does make lo-fi music. Loves making songs like that and ends up playing them while you two cuddle and during sweet love making sessions. Sometimes really casual, loving sex where it's missionary -- rolling into each other while his beard scratching at your neck and chest, kissing at every part he can reach. Nails scratching at his back and one caressing his hair away from his forehead, just pure loving sex that leaves you both completely satisfied.

No one can have this but each other, completely separated from both of your everyday lives and people you know. Fingers digging into the flesh of your hips until both of you are cumming, teeth nibbling on your lips as you moan. He turns your face to his before swallowing your moans in a kiss, only pulling back to see your blissed out face.

Yeah, he wouldn't trade this for the world.

Scourge headcanons with added scourgamy

- Instead of being named Sonic, his name used to be Seth.

- He was adopted by Anti Jules and Anti Bernadette

- Had an absolutely terrible dad. Anti Jules (Julius) was an abusive, neglectful DICK. and because of that Scourge grew up graving attention

- He realized he wouldnt get it by being good so..he deciding to start shit.

- Was an absolute nightmare in school, he started fights, started fires, talked back to teachers and each time Julius would have to come to school.

- That never ended well. Julius became physical when Scourge was 10 but it was simple rough smack in the heads, pulling him too hard, or flicking cigarettes in his direction. And it escalated.

- Barbara (Anti Bernadette) on the other hand, loved Scourge, treated him like her own son and hadn't noticed what was going with him cuz she was always away and Scourge would just lie about it.

- Charlie (Anti Uncle Chuck) loved his nephew too, and had been the one to witness Julius hit scourge but unfortunately before he could tell Barbara about it, Julius had him arrested- claiming HE had been the one abusing his son on the downlow.

- Scourge met Sonic when they were 14 cuz he was screwing around. And..he saw how 'perfect' Sonics life was..he had a bunch of friends, the town loved him, his DAD loved him and he wasn't..a mistake and Scourge began to resent him for them.

- When he turned 15,he began to fight Julius back and Barbara saw this, immediately jumping to Scourges defense before she cut Julius. They divorced soon after that with Barbara taking Scourge with her, not after Julius told him they weren't his real parents.

- Scourge didn't get better, he continued to spiral out of control. Thinking Barbara didn't actually love him cuz..how could she?? Shes not his real mom. His real mom didn't even want him! So he became out of control.

- He was 16 when he found out about the master emerald and thats when everything went down; got green and powered.

- The master emerald fucked up his head like it did to Rosy but hes not as crazy. Just..lacks impulse and morals sometimes.

- He had a lot of girlfriends??? And a few boyfriends but they arent relevant. Most noticable are Fiona nd Alicia. Alicia hates him, He doesnt love Fiona but he likes her enough to keep her around.

- Got out of Zone Jail at 17, and he actually thanked Fiona after it. He went about life normally after wards cuz Zonic decided to dump the asshole on Sonic cuz Zone Jail was frigging destroyed.

- Redemption arc! ..sorta-Scourge becomes friends with Manic and he helps him "See the light"..as Manic puts it. They are bros. No shipping nonsense since Scourge is a version of Sonic and Manic is Sonics brother >>

- He and Fiona break up cuz theyre both control freaks and that just dont mix together cuz she thinks she can tell him what to do despite him being 10 times stronger than her and if he so wanted to..could kill her but that's irrelevant.

- Sonic goes with Sally. Amys a bit sad and starts hanging out with other people. Manic being one of them. She and Scourge start talking.

- Its enemies to friends, to lovers! Its a beautiful thing!!

- If I wrote a fic there would be MAJOR Sally salt..Fiona salt cuz I just..dont like those two chicks, Sonic sorta?? But thats just cuz hes a douchebag sometimes and doesnt notice.

- Scourge drinks a lot but the..radiation inside him makes it impossible for him to die by alcohol poisoning, like he can get sick but the next day he'll be fine

- Hes a huge flirt, makes a lotta sexual puns, and hes just..a disaster bi thot and its hilarious.

- He likes attention. Hes like a giant overgrown cat.

- 5'11, cuz fuck mobian heights.

- He has three piercings. One in the right ear, two in the left.

- Tattoo artist cuz hes hella good at art. Has a lot of tattoos on his arms (Most noticable being a coral snake with a crown around it on his right arm, diablo on his left bicep, king on his left knuckles.

- Grows up to be a gangstar whos..in control of..everything. Hes just a crime boss-

- Started dating Amy in high school, they split when she went to college, they met again when she finished and they rekindled their loove-

- Theyd have two kids- aaha-.. Better kids than Sonic and Sallys >> cuz they wont look exactly like either parent. Frigging. Anyway.

- Scourge is a mamas boy btw.

- His real parents name are Rena and Lucifer (Anti Aleena and anti Angell (Sonics dad))

- His brothers name is Marquis, his sisters name is Secilia. Scourge is the oldest while Secilia is the youngest instead of Marquis.

Urges

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck Summary:  When Dave finally gives into his urges, what will Karkat do?

Tags: Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline, davekat, pov switches galore, present tense CW:  CW: hand holding, hugging, nose kisses Author’s Note:  This is a fic that I wrote in about two hours for the davekat thirst federation server after they were all being Caliborn thirsty on the main. Please note the content tags--if you're up (heh) for all this spiciness, read on. I thought result was worth sharing with the masses. Enjoy!

Dave is walking beside Karkat, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Karkat's dangling hand, the lax fingers calling out to be--

No. No, he couldn't. He shouldn’t. And yet... He tilts his head ever so slightly to see Karkat's hand better. The curve of the fingers. The tips of his yellowed claws. The thick, meaty curve of his gray palm. What would it feel like to--

Dave feels his face go hot.

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?"

"oh yea of course dude but youre still wrong about dane cook"

Karkat rolls his eyes but accepts the answer before launching into another diatribe Dave can't be bothered to listen to when Karkat's hand is dangling so invitingly by his side.

He can't. He shouldn't.

Before he can stop himself, he reaches out for Karkat's hand, the warmth of it beneath his fingers even more wonderful than he'd thought it be. His fingers wrap around Karkat's stiff startled ones; their palms meet.

---

Karkat is walking beside Dave, going into detail about the superiority of the comic stylings of Dane Cook, when he feels another hand grabbing his own. It's so sudden, he hardly knows how to react even as he feels fingers intertwining with his own.

He stops walking. His throat is dry and he swallows hard before turning his head. There's only one person who can be holding his hand, but it's impossible. Dave's not interested in him. Not like *that*.

But he turns and looks. Pale fingers interlaced with his own gray, leading up to an arm clad in red God Tier pajamas. A shoulder connected to a neck. A neck to a face.

At least Dave has the decency to be blushing, too. He doesn't have the decency to actually look in Karkat's direction. Instead, he squeezes Karkat's hand.

"DAVE?"

Dave is silent. Then he turns his head, the smallest hint of a smile curving his thin lips. "sup"

---

Karkat says his name, and it's not a rejection. It's not a rejection, but it's a question. Karkat's face is flushed but confused. He isn't trying to pull his hand free, but he isn't returning the gesture.

Dave is worried now, worried he's pushed too far too quickly. He has to do something. He smiles, trying to ignore the nervous flutters in his chest. "sup"

Karkat scowls. "WHY-WHY ARE YOU HOLDING MY HAND, DIPSHIT?" The stutter tells Dave he's as affected as Dave is, and despite the harshness of the words, he still allows his hand to remain in Dave's grasp.

Dave feels a swell of hope. "it was asking to be held dude i dont make the rules" He shouldn't. He's done too much already. But Karkat's so close now, his yellow and gray eyes wide. Dave can see himself reflected in his dark pupils.

Feeling reckless, Dave uses his free hand to lift up his glasses so he can see Karkat in full light. His eyes are even more beautiful without the dingy, gray haze.

---

Dave pushes his stupid douche shades up, leaving them up in his blonde hair. Karkat isn't certain what is more incredible: that Dave is still still holding his hand or that Dave has willingly, of his own accord, allowed Karkat to see his eyes.

Karkat has seen them before, of course. He's caught glimpses of them from the corner of Dave's shades. Seen flashes of them when they've been knocked askew. But he's never been given the opportunity to really look at them. Certainly, Dave's never let him look.

He's so lost in the moment, he's speaking before he can censor himself. "THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL."

Dave ducks his head, his flush traveling down his neck. He holds Karkat's hand a little tighter. "thank you" he says in an awkward way that tells Karkat Dave doesn't get many compliments. "im gonna get crazy here so hear me out" He takes a deep breath. "can i... can i--" He's turned his body to face Karkat's head on. "i wanna hug you can that happen"

For once in his life, Karkat takes initiative. Before Dave is even quite done speaking, he's closed the space between them, wrapping his free arm around Dave's middle.

Dave makes a startled sound but recovers quickly, and almost too quickly, Dave's arm is wrapped around Karkat's middle, too. Their entwined hands loosen and separate, allowing those arms to join the hug as well.

Karkat smells soap and a hint of sweat. And it's warm, so warm. The only hugs Karkat had ever had, had ever endured, had been cold. He'd never hugged Aradia, but he knows that even her embrace would have been cool. But Dave is warm.

He sighs against the other boy's shoulder, relaxing further into Dave's arms. He feels breath on his cheek; it smells like coffee.

This can't last forever, Karkat knows this. He knows that this experiment of Dave's will end, but he can enjoy it while it lasts.

---

For what feels like the longest time, Dave can only marvel at the fact that Karkat is in his arms. The troll boy is hugging him, pressing against him, as relaxed as Dave has ever seen him be. Dave feels a rush of pride that Karkat trusts him enough for this. He feels a rush of shame that he waited so long to ask for this.

He tightens his hold on Karkat as though that will keep this moment from ending.

His face is close, so close to Karkat's.

Dave has never been good at knowing when to quit. He's never known when to be satisfied. He brings his face that much closer to Karkat's, brings his nose closer to the gray nose.

They touch. Dave moves his head and gently rubs his nose against Karkat's.

---

Karkat doesn't react at first. He's mostly confused about what the fuck Dave is up to. As far as he can tell, Dave is rubbing his nose with his own nose. It's not unpleasant, just unfamiliar. It feels... it feels intimate.

He closes his eyes, wishing Dave would stop, wishing that he wouldn't. What is Dave getting out of this? Is Karkat just convenient or--

There is no or. Dave wanted to do this with someone, and Karkat is someone. That's it. He ducks his head away from Dave's, burying it into his shoulder.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS WITH ME?"

Dave stills. Then he says, "i want to man thought i was making that pretty obvious" He chuckles, his chin pressing into Karkat's own shoulder. "karkat youre pretty baller you know"

He'd never thought Dave would be so good at acting.

---

Dave isn't expecting it when Karkat pushes away from him with a rough shove. "karkat--?"

Karkat's mouth is twisted into a vicious snarl even as his eyes fill with ruddy tears. "FUCK YOU, DAVE." He wipes the tears away with trembling fists. "IF YOU'RE GOING TO USE ME, AT LEAST DO ME THE FUCKING COURTESY OF NOT LYING TO MY FACE ABOUT IT."

"what" Dave is utterly lost.

"DON'T 'what' ME, ASSHOLE." He crosses his arms, the anger on his face crumbling into a hurt that stabs Dave in the gut. "I ONLY HAVE A PASSING UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT 'BALLER' MEANS, BUT I KNOW YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN ME. SO, DO ME A FAVOR, AND STOP PRETENDING YOU ARE."

Dave has spent enough time with Karkat to tell when he's about to bolt, and Dave can't let him go until he clears this up. He grabs Karkat's hand again. "dude karkat listen to me im not lying" To his relief, Karkat doesn't pull his hand away. To his worry, Karkat folds in on himself, his head bowing and his shoulders slumping.

"I'M PAN ADDLED ENOUGH TO LET YOU TAKE WHAT YOU WANT," Karkat says, sounding defeated. "JUST DON'T PRETEND YOU ACTUALLY LIKE ME. I DON'T THINK IT'S TOO MUCH TO ASK."

---

Karkat can't look at Dave now, too embarrassed, too desperate. He should have just kept his mouth shut for once. Should have just enjoyed what little scraps Dave was willing to throw him. Dave is still holding his hand.

"i want you to listen to me" Dave is saying, his voice soft. His other hand strokes the top of Karkat's knuckles as he speaks. "im not using you thats hella gross and id be all kinds of insulted that youd think that but i dont want to make this about me when its about you" Karkat hears him take a deep breath. "im gonna lay it on the line ok i like like you a lot."

"YOU LIKE LIKE ME?" Karkat hates himself for the hope in his voice. He's not entirely certain what "like like"ing means, but he's gathered it's more than being hate-friends. Yes, he and Dave have been getting along better, but he knows Dave only tolerates him because they're both lonely. That's all.

"yea like we're peak middle school up in here passing notes to each other," Dave is clearly gearing up for a ramble, and Karkat smiles despite himself, "do you like me or like like me but weve got to keep it on the downlow so the teacher doesnt notice and find our note because our reps will never survive if she reads it to the class and she will because thats how teachers roll"

"I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE CLUSTERFUCK YOU HUMANS CALL AN EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM," Karkat says and, for a moment, it's like nothing's changed. Then reality falls in again. "YOU MEAN THAT?" He is such an idiot. Such a fucking idiot.

---

The way Karkat asks Dave if he means what he says is almost enough to break him. If he weren't such a stone cold bad-ass, he's certain he'd be bawling now, too. Even so, he wishes he could put his shades back down without Karkat thinking he's hiding his eyes so he can lie better.

"yea dog i mean it i dont lie about important shit."

Karkat has always been an open book, emotions-wise. It'd probably be more helpful if Dave were better at emotions himself, but he can see that Karkat wants to believe him. It's something. "we dont gotta do anything different if you dont want im chill just hanging with you," he says, hoping against hope it doesn't come to that: he wants to hug Karkat again, and he hopes the troll boy will let him. "but i want to... i want to hug you because youre you youre like special ok"

A disbelieving huff. "YOU THINK I'M SPECIAL."

Dave nods. "karkat vantas is totally one of a kind" Well, that just isn't true, is it? "i mean there are a fuck ton of you out there in the dream bubbles but i meant more like metaphorically in that this version of you is the you im interested in hugging and stuff"

---

Karkat almost can't believe how charmed he is by this idiot. Almost. Maybe Dave is lying, but maybe Karkat isn't being fair. The more he thinks about it, the more he thinks maybe that's true. Considering what he was accusing Dave of wanting to do, he's fairly floored that the human boy still wants anything to do with him.

He looks down at his hand still held between both of Dave's. Then he looks up at Dave's face, at his still uncovered eyes, and makes a decision. "OKAY."

Dave blinks. "ok" The corner of his mouth quirks upwards. "ok"

Karkat rolls his eyes. "YES, THAT'S WHAT I SAID. I'M GLAD THAT YOUR AURAL CLOTS ARE STILL FULLY FUNCTIONAL."

"you have got the weirdest names for things you know that just say ears its so much shorter"

Before he can come up with a suitably scathing remark, he's being hugged again.

Oh.

He sighs and returns the hug. He could get used to this. He thinks he already is.

FIN

End Note:  Sorry. I could not add in the kissing--it was just too lewd.

Ali & Carly

Ali: alright? Carly: yea Ali: you want any water, pain killers? Carly: k to both Ali: can have my headphones too if you can deal with my music taste Carly: you could sing to me tho Ali: i've got the pipes, yeah but not sure anyone else wants me belting over the racket Carly: idc about them Ali: yeah Ali: one of us gotta get home with a spotless record, tho Carly: You can't get in trouble for being loud Carly: Leesha knows that Ali: she just leads a charmed life 🍀 Carly: or 🔮 Ali: Didn't need no crystal ball to see through your plans, soz babe Carly: who does Ali: got further than you had any right Ali: poor woodfield on bog watch 'til dubo now Carly: ha Carly: gave her something to do Carly: but nobodys trying it again like Ali: reckon you're right Ali: no one got that kinda deathwish Carly: trying to kill me w a stare tho Carly: she loves it Ali: hmm Ali: less sure on that Carly: i am Carly: try it tho bitch Carly: feel 🕱 Ali: got until we get back Ali: that's when the real shit begins Ali: what're you gonna do carls Carly: idk idc Carly: theyre gonna do what they want Carly: & not like my ma & da will throw a fit Ali: sure? Ali: shame Ali: hoping your Da would move Drew on Carly: im not 12 now babe Carly: & he isn't a beautiful romany lad Carly: my ma will like the look of him i kno Ali: you're 14 Ali: still got a few more years of compulsorary giving a shit about you left Carly: yea Carly: but its no big Ali: you could get expelled Carly: nah Carly: didnt go anything cuz leesha had to speak up about it Ali: you blame her Carly: nah but its facts Carly: nothing happened Ali: I don't think that's how they see it Carly: k but Carly: idc Carly: forget it Ali: k but HOW Carly: what? Carly: dont worry about it babe k Carly: im not trying to Ali: I know you're trying to avoid a freakout but Ali: fucking hell Ali: why Carly: why what? Carly: whats your problem? Ali: only the same as yours Ali: not enjoying the chaos around us or the chaos waiting at home Carly: nah Carly: but worry about your sister Carly: this is nothing Ali: no it isn't Carly: just chatter Carly: weve heard it all before Ali: you're a we now yeah Carly: ha Carly: everyone on this coach has heard it & said it is what i mean Carly: dont be jealous babe Ali: Why would I be jealous? Carly: im only playing Carly: i kno youre not Ali: Whatever Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: be fun Ali: not feeling it Carly: baby come on Carly: why tho Ali: you actually need to ask? Carly: yea Carly: i havent done anything wrong Ali: it ain't about right or wrong Ali: it's still a mess and i'm over it Ali: that's all Carly: k Carly: but ive been a mess since we met & you cba about that before Ali: i didn't say you Ali: the situation Carly: theres no situation Carly: only sex that didnt even happen Ali: forget about it Carly: nah Carly: say what you wanna say Ali: okay, the fact he's fucking ruined this entire trip Ali: Ro had to go home Ali: and Laoise is taking the opportunity to cyberbully her about it as if she's not already fucked up enough from it Ali: and he's not even a little bit sorry that he just wasted the last 3 months of her life with his bullshit Carly: None of that's my bad Carly: be mad at him not me Ali: I am Ali: but I'm mad at you for not giving enough of a shit to not get dragged down in his crap either Carly: hes not dragging me anywhere but the bathroom Ali: bullshit Carly: nah Carly: youre making it something else Carly: its not Ali: the whole bus is slagging on you Ali: half of them wanna fight you Ali: and that's cos of this Ali: its not debateable its facts Carly: and what Carly: when dont they Ali: there was no need Carly: yea there was Ali: no worthwhile one then whatever Carly: worthwhile to me Ali: i really hope so Carly: wouldve been like Ali: i don't need to hear Carly: k Carly: be like that Ali: yeah i will Carly: why do you wanna fight w me? Ali: i don't Ali: you got your priorities i got mine Carly: but youre a priority you kno Ali: its alright Ali: let's leave this drama behind Carly: how tho Carly: youre still gonna be mad Ali: yeah but that is what it is Ali: nothing's going to change Ali: we'll both deal Carly: but Ali: idk Ali: idk what we do, if you think of something lemme know Carly: im sorry Ali: me too Carly: tell me what to do Carly: i wanna make you feel better Ali: I dunno, Carls Ali: its all already done Ali: not just you, all of us Carly: lets do something else Carly: go somewhere else Carly: whatever you want Ali: Oh, that reminds me Ali: Tommy's back, he asked if you wanna go out Carly: is it k w you if i come? Ali: yeah Carly: nah its weird Ali: no it isn't Ali: i don't wanna not see you Ali: fuck that Ali: its just this trip and him Carly: i only did it cuz he said hed hook me up when we got back Carly: i dont want him Ali: its alright Ali: you don't have to explain to me Carly: its not Carly: alright isnt how we feel you kno Ali: as far as this trip goes Ali: i'll take it, babe Carly: i shouldnt have come on it Ali: nah, don't say that Ali: apart from this shit Ali: it was good, right? Carly: but this shit happened cuz im not good Carly: my heads wrecked Ali: no Ali: it didn't Ali: yeah, you went there too but so did Laoise and it coulda been any girl Carly: she didnt fuck him for a hit tho Carly: why i gotta do that Ali: that hit of revenge Ali: worse reason, to be honest Carly: yea Carly: she is the worst we kno Ali: you're not bad Carly: im not an angel like you babe Ali: yeah you is Ali: can't fool me Carly: you cant stop being nice to me Ali: and what bitch Carly: youre meant to be mad Ali: i'm sick of it Ali: its not getting us anywhere so Carly: where you wanna get to baby Ali: better Carly: we'll start tonight Carly: out w your brother Ali: yeah Ali: fucking ray of ☀ that he is Carly: ha Carly: maybe ill find a nice girl at the club tho Carly: then youll be happy Ali: i don't wanna be that bitch about it Ali: just drew, babe, c'mon 😝 Ali: please tell me i ain't that bitch Carly: ha Carly: hes no worse than ronan tho Carly: to your sister k but not to me Ali: yeah and thinking 'bout how hard Ronan sucks made you cry the other day so Ali: 👀 Carly: dont Carly: he took your vs its so sad Carly: i wouldnt let goldie take mine nah Ali: I dunno what the fuck I was thinking Carly: youre too good Carly: you think everyone is Carly: 👼 Ali: nah Ali: I mean, he ain't the 😈 but he was bad enough for my purposes Ali: my stupid ass 🙄 Carly: nah you're too smart Carly: you knew what you were doing like Carly: been there had that fight w my ma Ali: the flashbacks not needed Ali: still got that 📢 in my ear Ali: though, probably gonna lay off a bit now Drew's showed Caleb up for the good boy he is Ali: awks Carly: its my turn Carly: thanks for turning up ma & da turn into his drama Carly: then turn away cuz nothing to see Ali: yours back home rn? Carly: nah but im sure theyll get the summons if the teachers kick off loud enough Ali: shit Ali: they gonna kill ya? Carly: theyll only be mad if their hol gets cut short but like they can go again when the teachers have had a word Carly: dont need a babysitter Ali: yeah, soz we can't come back we got free drinks here 'til next week so Carly: you kno Carly: gotta draw straws for which one shows up & who gets to keep the party going Ali: 1000 on ur dad showing up then Carly: yea Carly: plot twist my nan rocks up like it hasnt been years Carly: carly who bitch Ali: bitch same Ali: missing nan gang Ali: conspiracy, like Carly: i kno where she is but she not trying to kno us Carly: family fights like Carly: boring Ali: gurl, so much in common Ali: let tommo regale you with the fuckery Ali: other peeps drama always be more fun Ali: WELL Carly: hes such a gossipy bitch Carly: ill tell him about all this so he can have fun w Ali: beat u to the reveal honey but Ali: always more scandal I probably saved him from Carly: you been chatting about me Carly: aw Ali: yeah Ali: keep my slagging on the downlow Ali: wise up lads Carly: its k cuz youre creative Carly: its all slut, slag and whore w them Ali: truly Ali: switch it up Carly: drew did skank and he was wasted so its not hard Ali: 🤢 Ali: anything drew is capable of is basal Carly: wtf does that mean tho Carly: he calls me a bitch a lot like boy thats mine and my girl's thing k bye Ali: he talks a lotta shit for such a lil bitch boy himself Ali: yeah, back off Ali: ur not part of the gang Carly: he wants to be on you so bad that id feel bad but cant cuz yea hes a prick Ali: i can't Ali: why bitch Ali: like, i'm nice the rest of the time but like, no nicer to him than any other acquaintance Ali: and rn its clear i lowkey hate Carly: cos youre you Carly: who wouldnt want that Ali: 😽 Ali: always out here hyping me up boo Carly: yea i love you Ali: i love you too bitch Carly: serious tho Carly: im sorry Carly: i hate it when youre mad at me Ali: i swear i was never mad at you Ali: who could be mad at that lil face Ali: right teachers? 🤞 Carly: ha Carly: well they saw me making a seduction face like Carly: my bad Ali: don't act like you didn't love that too lads Carly: you kno Carly: youve seen it its good Ali: willing to write that review Carly: aww Carly: so sweet Carly: id give you top marks too baby Ali: you better 😒 Ali: don't be lying to me or yourself baby 😏 Carly: ha Carly: nah youre the best Carly: no lie Ali: 😳 Carly: so cute Ali: just trying make me have a huge head to drag my cute down Carly: nah you earned those props from me Carly: put a lot of work in Ali: no slacker 💪 Carly: facts Carly: lot of fun Ali: funsized Ali: that's my secret Carly: aw Carly: but were the same size tho Ali: exactly Ali: team pocket rocket Ali: get out giant boys Carly: your boy gotta stay cuz hes not i see you bitch Ali: 😎 Ali: you said yourself, i'm too smart Carly: 🖕 Ali: how tall is my brother Ali: forgot Ali: kick him out of his own partay how rude Carly: shit Carly: sorry boy Ali: can walk on his knees if he wanna hang Carly: or hands Carly: wtf would that make a difference nah Ali: nah babe Ali: that perfect form Ali: twat 😒😂 Carly: im too sober to have thoughts Carly: no scholarship to a fancy school for me Ali: don't be fooled, he only there 'cos he can twerk good 💅 Ali: #bitchmetoothefuck Carly: fuck why you worried about me getting expelled from here if thats what it takes to go there Carly: i got this Ali: you just gon leave me like that Ali: 😞 ok Carly: nah Carly: come w me baby Ali: running away to london Ali: heard worse plans Carly: you kno Carly: be fun Carly: we always have a good time running off together Ali: no lie Ali: maybe we can crash when he goes back early to get settled 'cos he's dramatic like that Ali: lots of fit boys, can't all be gay Carly: are they allowed to fuck Carly: or is it like footballers and shit Ali: Ooh Ali: we'll have to ask Ali: good pickup line, babe Carly: i'll ask your brother if hes getting any Ali: he'll die of embarrassment 💀 Carly: aw Carly: is he a virgin serious Ali: I think so Ali: he won't say obvs, withholding that ☕ so shady Carly: i'll ask Carly: find him a cutie to do the honors Ali: 🙈 Ali: he was feeling sorry for you but he gon' wanna square up now too Carly: yea? Carly: i need the practice if i gotta fight leesha again Ali: 😒 she better stay tf away if she knows what's good Ali: still, he used to being target practice Ali: he quick tho Carly: teach me those ballerina girl moves Carly: never went as a kid Ali: aww baby Ali: i did for the hottest of secs but Carly: bet your ma has pics im hitting her up Ali: yeah, she loves pissing herself @ me, the cow Ali: you can join now, or yoga with me, your fave 😉 Carly: nah Carly: got enough teachers on my case Carly: & bitchy girls Ali: 😱 Ali: i ain't that bad, rude Carly: never you my baby Carly: youre the only one who isnt Ali: bus full of bitches Ali: sounds like a song marlene would write Carly: pitch it to her Carly: or find her in the club Ali: maybe Ali: idk if she's got a girl rn Ali: we shall see Carly: me & her Carly: weird Carly: i'll ask her if shes feeling it Ali: oh lord Ali: can't play with her like a boy tho Ali: wifey'd up before you know it Carly: nah she scares me Carly: im a good wife tho Ali: you is Ali: but you wanna be? Carly: what? Ali: you don't wanna be no wifey Carly: not hers Ali: as long as not his either then we good Carly: ha Ali: 👀 Carly: what you saying w those beautiful eyes boo Ali: i see u and ur lack of a response is what i'm sayin Ali: honeyyyy Carly: dont Carly: i said about him before thats it Ali: i'm just playing Carly: dont Carly: he thinks it too Carly: such a prick Ali: i'm soz baby Ali: he thinks everyone loves him as much as he does Carly: yea Carly: i need to find a new dealer Ali: honey, in this town? done is done Ali: find one tonight Carly: so smart

hello !! i’m katie and i’ve been trying to find a home for my baby warren (wren !!) and i think i’ve found it here !! i’m v excited for this, so under the cut is a little about wren and some wanted connections !!

*:･ﾟ✧ ( louis tomlinson & he/him/his. ) - have you met ( warren vanderbilt )? the ( twenty two ) year old that gossip girl usually calls the ( opulent ). i heard they’re usually ( superficial and reserved ), but after a few drinks, i guess they can be ( alluring and easy going ). they’re desperate that gossip girl doesn’t find out about ( his girlfriend is a coverup for his sexuality ), though that’s just the tip of the iceberg around here. ( katie, 20, cst, she/her/hers. )

( if you go thru the accepted tag and see his Big Secret, pls pretend like you didn’t.... i’m tired ok) THIS IS LONG BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO NOT TALK FOREVER SO..... hi

ANYWAY SO wren wren wren his full name is warren ezra vanderbilt and he is Smol but he won’t admit it and he won’t let any of u know ! except he doesn’t have to say anything. he just exists that way

he comes from a very very very wealthy background

his father owns an architecture business that started in london england, but they moved to brooklyn, new york when he was 6 (his mum was from london) and his dad’s business transferred with them so he has businesses across the US and back in london tht he oversees

warren works for him as a social media representative (i.e. he posts pictures of the houses and buildings and gets promotion and he does some of the marketing as well)

he has 2 siblings, one older than him and one younger (and i’d name them but i’m gonna submit a WC so,,,)

fun fact that everyone in his family knows about but no one says anything about: his youngest sisters is from his father’s affair

they got away with it by saying the family had to travel back to london for a year (i.e. wren & his older sister were forced to do online school while they hid away in london with his mum, dad, and dad’s mistress so they could pretend it was mum’s baby) they paid the woman a lot a lot a lot of money to keep her mouth shut and the family adopted the youngest sister and they just don’t speak to the other lady anymore

he is VERY very very closeted like, he has a fake girlfriend to try to convince his parents he’s not straight. they’ve questioned him before and threatened him with therapy (his dad, not so much his mum) so he just..... keeps it a secret

the girlfriend knows it’s a coverup (maybe he’s a coverup for her, too ??)

he’s had secret boyfriends of course and his closest friends know but he is very very afraid to tell ppl in fear of it getting back to his dad

he was obviously..... very well off ?? with his dad being a business man so he never missed out on extracurriculars or anything like he played football and piano and he is actually going to colelge (fully paid for) for public relations and a minor in music and literature

HE LIKES TO PARTY but on the downlow like won’t get smashed in public all the time but likes to go have fun and definitely gets high and wasted in his apartment

and.... he’s a sweet baby and he’s very very....... Smol.... Little Spoon..

BUT HE IS SUPER SUPER..... like he doesn’t talk abt himself unless you’re close with him bcuz he doesn’t want ppl to find out abt his sexuality bcuz the more ppl who know the better of a chance his dad will find out. so he’s v v v reserved and if ur really really close with him, then ur probably really really special too

HERE ARE SOME WANTED CONNECTIONS !!

F R I E N D S H I P ;

BEST FRIENDS –– obviously he can have more than one best friend so these are probably the people who know about his sexuality. they probably hang out all the time and they’re just like..... best friends you know how that goes he tells them everything and he’s been in NY for 16 years so.... lifelong friends can be a thing too delilah

HIS PERSON –– his Best Best Best friend. like they’re basically married and they love each other so much and they’ve been through it all together. they know everything about him and maybe even know that his sister is from an affair ?? like he trusts this person with his whole heart stella st. james

EX BEST FRIENDS –– we could figure out why they’re not friends anymore but maybe they both knew everything about each other and so they like.... trust that the other person won’t tell their secrets and maybe like we can have them become friends again or not i dont mind angst is fun aurora garnier

ENEMIES TO FRIENDS –– ppl who just absolutely hated each other so much that it was almost hysterical and are now really good friends and make fun of how much they hated each other

PARTYING PAL –– wren likes 2 get fucked up lowkey esp at his house so like.... this can be anyone

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS –– u know what this is. this also has to be a male identifying person bc.... well. this is also going under romantic

R O M A N T I C ;

SECRET BOYFRIEND / CRUSH –– ee !! cute boys sneaking around kissing and doing nice things for each other and everyone just thinks they’re best friends but really they like 2 kiss each other’s faces. i don’t like to really plot out established relationships but like..... i would do it for this and we could always start at them being Fond and not being together that way 2 make sure there’s even Chemistry

COVERUP GIRLFRIEND –– OOO SURPRISE SHE’S GAY TOO !! maybe. that’s up to u or she just needs publicity from his rich ass family either way they’re prob friends and they’re not bitter or anything toward each other they really like each other as ppl but it sucks because they don’t really like the situation but at least they like the other person ??

EX BOYFRIEND –– UM ANGST IDK THAT’S ALL i just like angst and sad stuff and like drunk calling each other and... ya

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS –– u know what this is. this also has to be a male identifying person bc.... well. this is also going under romantic

HOOKUP –– same thing as fwb except maybe it was just once and not all the time ?? phillip nelson

O T H E R ;

STUDY PARTNERS –– he goes 2 school and is at school a lot so maybe they get lunch and study and have a class or 2 together

ROOMMATES !!!! –– they probably need 2 be ok with drinking and weed but like... other than that wren is chill. he has friends and his siblings over a lot and probably hookups too but he’s clean and he cooks and he will play you piano and bring you home ice cream on bad days

Yeah i get that but still even if the guy is praising Harry in this, Harry himself hasnt work with him since 2013, i dont get how you got from this itw that Harry had a different position than the others 3/4 about the issue at hand? Because you think the direction they went with isn't the one H would pick? sorry if i'm annoying i just feel like i'm missing something and i hate the feeling haha!

I don’t think harry has a different position at all, I just think there’s more reasons as to why they wouldn’t work with Savan than he is saying/considering. Probably because of how he viewed them and treated their opinions, not solely because he “wrote their earlier stuff”. And yeah, harry hasn’t written with him since 2013 but Savan probably still thinks they’re “friendly” because they have mutual cowriting friends and they’ve probably seen each other in person and it was a friendly encounter. It’s not that harry had a different view from Louis or the rest of the band, it’s just that harry doesn’t go around talking about their past business to their mutual colleagues. Or maybe he just didn’t take their differences personally?

Like, there’s this one girl at work who is very much the louis of our team. She’s the one person who will openly criticize and throw out grievances when everyone else is scared to. Well, we’re work friends and I agree with pretty much every criticism and everything she says about our boss, but I just prefer to keep my work opinions on the downlow and don’t take our bosses’ comments/actions personally. And because all I ever do is smile and be pleasant with our boss, he doesn’t know that I also feel the same way as our team louis about him.

1D doesn’t have a typical work environment like most of us do, but their business relationships are still typical work relationships and everyone handles their work life/relationships differently.

eeeekkkk christmas is the worst for dysphoria honestly

uhm so sui tw and family shit and just generally bad thoughts ahead 

yikes so i used to really like christmas but now its literally just??? how can i navigate my family without making my parents hate me and without wanting to kill myself more than usual and i forgto this part every year until we have to have dinner w ppl and i just? realise how? my family doesn’t give two shits abt me at all except for my brothers lmao like??? i’ve literally said calling me my deadname makes me feel like sshit and my ma wont fucking believe me until i fucking kill myself and even then? she would just say i was being selfish what a cunt honestly

like i acctually forget that im not ok and then i remeber when i said ‘since ur fmily i guess i can’t make u but i’d really fucking love it if u called me roman ‘ and my uuncle legit was like ‘well im still gonna call u deadname ‘ like thAnks dickhead if i didn’t love my lil counsin (and only one bc her younger brother is such a dick (he’s like 11 so  i try not t hate him) but he’s really fucking violent to his sister and whenever he hurts her she just doesn’t say anything but she accidently (or on purpose,,, but thats rareer bc shes such a sweetie ok i love her) but she tripped him on one fo thsoe big jumping pillow things and i (an almost adult at the time, this was like 6months to a year ago) had to physically get inbetween them bc he was determined to hurt her and he gets away with all sorts of shitty and cruel behaviour and she doesn’t even get away with retaliating and i lvoe her so much and it makes me so mad? but anyway she’s the only person (and maybe my aunt but less) who i like from their sect of the family and we have to have dinner with them and im gonna screm bc every time i see him i remember that and honestly????? 0/10 

but that doesn’t hurt as much as the facct that? my ma still doesn’t believe me? like i fucking started hurting myself when i was 12 but sure..... this is some sort of fucking phase and im just ‘wanting to be different too badly’ (fuck her honestly) im so???? i shouldn’t have to feel this shit and i probably wouldn’t if she just grew the fuck up and let me be???? like????? i dont give a fuck if u ‘always wanted a daughter’ ya didn’t fucking get one and ur gonna lose ur oldest kid if u keep this shit up like idk how long i can deal with her but i also ant leave and i dont know what to do and if i’m not working enough (to her satisfaction anyway) next year she’s actually going to have at me and i just????? i want to get out but there is nowhere to go because nowhere is safe im fucking???/ im stuck and i dont want to be here anymore 

is it that hard to take me seriously???? once i fucking pulled a muscle in my neck at someone elses house and they rung my ma to ask if i could have panadol and i was crying over the phone and she still accused me of faking (recently she told me she thought i had gotten addicted to drugs when i was in america for like? twenty days? because i had fucking panadol and ibprofen in my bag bc i didn’t realise ibprofen was not panadol and didn’t do the same thing and i wasn’t just gonna? chuck it out???) honestly i’ve fucking had enough 

AnD alSo she is always grumpy / easy to anger bc of work / her general suppression of emotions / ect and takes it out on us w/o consquence and i pointed it out and she legit just said ‘yeah but im an adult tho’ like???? honestly fuck u you dont get to do that iim so mad and im so sad and i fucking dont even know if theres any point? trying to maintain out relationship? like i love her but fuck she is not good for me at all and has, consistently, for years, managed to ruin almost all of my good days with a single word and i just fucking???? i’ve had enough and i cant be bothered anymore like all she does is set off bother my anxiety and dysphoria and screams at me until i get out of bed which makes it? even harder to get out next time??? she is still trying to manage my life and shit like???  fuck u??? if i need help ill ask otherwise leave me alone (ofc when i ask for help she’s fckign shiitty abt that too honestly ‘ask if u dont know’ ‘except if its ‘common sense’ or smth that i already know and u, also, somehow, telepathically do to’ like sometimes i jsut wanna ask for reassurance!!!! fuck u!!! jsut say yes / no and move the  fuck on it’s not that hard u dont have to be a cunt

i’ve been on the verge of tears for two days but its g its chill im just gonna have to make sure my ds is charged before the crhistmas family dinner and pray nobody writes my fucking deadname on any gifts bc seeing it written honestly causes me physical pain and accepting it will also do that fuck me theres nothing i can do except send judgmental looks (but on the downlow bc i dont waanna be ‘disrepecctful’ and have them dramatically try and take the gift back even tho i dont rlly care abt whatever shit they got me my ma would kill me) im so tired i can’t wait until i dont have to speak to these people ever again