I’m not really sure what I’m expecting to happen in season 3 but I’m keeping my expectations low. I will be extremely disappointed though if we still don’t get any scenes with Rio’s POV. I feel like at this point they have to give us a bit more from his perspective and have him have scenes outside of Beth and the girls but I honestly don’t know if they will. I’m just tired that we always has to headcanon things about Rio’s character bc the writers don’t give us much when it comes to him.

I think that’s all fair, anon. I’ve had quite a few asks in the past about people wanting a Rio POV, and if I’ve ever answered them, it’s usually been pretty vaguely, because honestly? It’s a bit of a loaded question for me - although probably not for the reasons that you think. So I figure it’s finally time I actually sit down and answer it. As always, this is just my opinion, and I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s feelings or theories in the process of this, it’s just me. Talking, haha.

The reason this is complicated for me is that it requires a bit of a reconciliation in my head between Sophie the Viewer and Sophie the Writer, because honestly as a viewer? I’d really love it too! I find Rio a compelling character and Manny’s performance excellent, and I want to see more of him, and obviously I ship him pretty hard with Beth, and think Manny and Christina perform magnetically together, and I do think he’s a bit underutilised in the narrative sense.

That said, as a writer? I think it not only makes sense, but is important in terms of the narrative structure and the rules they have established that he hasn’t been a POV character up until this point. Up until the finale, he hadn’t connected in a meaningful way to any other character beyond the scope of the girls, meaning that it would make no sense to have him as a POV character. I actually think that for all the damage 2.13 did, we’re actually set up really, really well for that to change.

Beth, Ruby and Annie are, of course, the focus of the show. That’s not exactly new information for anyone, and the suite of supporting characters – namely Rio, Dean, Stan, Greg, Nancy, Boomer, Marion, Mary Pat, Noah and Turner (phew!) – are ultimately defined not just by their relationships to the girls, but by the points where their worlds intersect with the girls’. Whether you have characters like Dean or Stan who are intersecting due to sharing a domestic space / a life with them, or a workplace / job like Boomer or Mary Pat, or a mission like Turner, we only ever really see them in terms of how their stories interconnect with, or disrupt, the girls’.

And yeah, the most common argument I see around this is that Boomer has been a POV character quite a lot, but the thing is Boomer is also a bridging character, which is the main thing that I want to talk about here. Boomer is a character who connects a lot of the story worlds – he brings us to Annie, he brings us to Marion, he brings us to Turner, and then he brings us to Mary Pat. As much as he is an antagonist and, of course, a character in his own right, he’s also a narrative tool who’s being used to smooth transitions between scenes, and connect characters in unexpected ways, and in doing so he drums up dramatic tension, can be used to pass information between the characters he connects with (we saw that early on with him seeing Rio, taking the picture, and showing Turner, thus connecting Beth and Turner), and can plant seeds for future plot points (i.e. recognising Annie’s tattoo during the robbery in the pilot, the pen cap, his ‘death’, etc).

And it’s not just Boomer either. The show has established that supporting characters really only get their own POVs when they intersect in some way with other supporting characters. Think about Stan. He was not a POV character in S1. We never saw him acting as a security guard, and we only saw him at work at the police station when Ruby visited him (and again – Stan became a bridging device in that moment between Ruby and the news of Eddie’s arrest), but by taking the pen cap in S2, his world collided with not only Ruby’s in a way it hadn’t before, but with Turner’s, and he became a POV character. Even those scenes with him though, as much as they were about his own character arc and his own stressors, we wouldn’t have seen them if they weren’t essential to Ruby’s character arc, and to her conflict with Beth. Same with Mary Pat and Boomer. These are C plots that ultimately influence the A narrative – which is about Beth, Annie and Ruby trying to Do Crime and Survive.

Even Dean is the same. With the exception of his new job in 2.12, he’s only ever a POV character when he’s somehow connecting with another supporting or minor character – usually Amber or Turner, in a way that drives Beth’s arc – the former of whom is integral to Beth’s internal journey, and the latter to the pressures dictating her external one. Hell, we didn’t even see Dean take the kids! We didn’t even see him interact with his mother. We saw Beth interact with Judith, not Dean. That’s because the show isn’t about him, and the time that we spend with him is ultimately about the ways his behaviour is going to effect (and usually hurt) Beth.  

The problem with Rio as he existed prior to 2.13 is that he was, narratively speaking, an island. He couldn’t connect any of the subplots, because he wasn’t connected to anyone else.

Rio operates in a world that is almost completely removed from the ones Beth, Annie and Ruby live in. It would make no sense to have him suddenly have a subplot with – say – Mary Pat, or even with someone like Stan. The collisions of those worlds wouldn’t serve the narrative, it wouldn’t reveal anything about the girls, and it wouldn’t be authentic to the overall story. We know that he’d kill Mary Pat, and that storyline would instantly be over. We know that he already has a mole inside the police station, so what use would Stan be to him?

Think about it this way. If Rio was a POV character right now, and he wasn’t interacting with the girls, what would he be doing? What would we be seeing? Likely, it would be his operation, right? Which would require a whole new set of worlds and sets, a whole new suite of characters, likely unique subplots, which would ultimately take us too far away from the central arc. His world does not crossover enough with the girls’ yet to make narrative sense. Hell, we saw that when they did it the one time in S2 – it introduced the country club, and it introduced Gretchen, because he doesn’t otherwise intersect with the girls’ world.

It would be a narrative detour.

(I mean, maybe he could’ve intersected with Fine & Frugal? But I think the fact that Boomer didn’t recognise Rio in S1 means doing so is way below Rio’s paygrade).

That’s why I think that 2.13 establishes us really well. It is deliberately linking Rio and Turner, while also likely positioning us to explore more of the crime world through Beth trying to set up her own kingdom, which will create a narrative overlap in Beth and Rio’s worlds, giving them many more ways to intersect, which pulls Rio closer to the A Storyline. It’d also have the benefit of introducing us to it at the same time Beth is introduced to it, keeping us in line with her perspective, while also opening up the chances to explore other points of view, including Rio’s.

Which hopefully they’ll do! I guess we just have to wait and see. 😊

Phew! That got long, anon, haha.

And for the last part of your question – in terms of the headcanons about Rio’s character – look, I think it’s more obvious that we know so little about him because so much of fandom is heavily invested in him, but we actually don’t have a lot of information about any of the supporting characters. Hell, even our knowledge of Beth, Annie and Ruby’s pasts are sprinkled in very sparingly. We only have a one-off mention for instance of the fact that Ruby has brothers, and we have no idea what’s happened to any of their families except that Ruby’s dad passed away. We know nothing about Stan’s history, or Greg’s, or hell, even Boomer’s. The amount of legwork 2.08 did too in terms of telling us about the girls’ history was massive, given prior to that we actually knew next to nothing.

Honestly, I’d like more backstory for everyone! But that’s only because I’m hungry for every kernel of history this show flicks our way, haha. But yes, more Rio backstory would definitely be nice too, and hopefully S3 positions us in a way we might get some.

Nopelander...revisting an old post

I still see sooo much Outlander stuff on my dash so I thought I’d share my thoughts on Season 4. I don’t have high hopes for S5 and even though I said I was done, I am still curious. Hanging around to see how it turns out is different than being a die hard fan, which I was. Its amazing to me that the built-in fan base and super hot chemistry between the 2 leads could fizzle out to a boring, flat, emotionless promotion. The Fiery Cross is very focused on Roger and Brianna (with Jamie and Claire always watching an guiding which is a gift for those who crave a stable family life...and is too subtle and nuanced for these OL writers to grasp) so the magic of the show that was Jamie and Claire is no more.  Here is what I had to say about the S4 finale.  tl:dr OL used to be great, and instead of writing it as the romance-fantasy that it is, they subscribed to the theory that drama and plot are more interesting than nuanced intimacy and in doing so drained it of its charm and energy while at the same time bashed fans for not being happy about it.

Production ruined the magic that was Outlander in such a stumbling, amateurish, way. First off, they do not understand Jamie and Claire, who are soul mates, as well as best friends. They love making each other laugh and share many inside jokes. They know life is hard but as long as they can connect with each other, they’ll get through anything. In the show their relationship is tenuous and they never realistically comfort one another. Touching each other’s jaw line in lieu of good dialogue is just irritating. 2nd, the wigs take you out of the story, immediately. Why did that not concern anyone? Sam Heughan is a gorgeous man but I snort every time we see that alpaca hair. The only time I can take him seriously is when he is wearing a tri-corn. Claire’s hair looks passable from far away but up close it’s like, holy hairline! It really bothers me that this was not important to production. Jamie had shaggy hair in S1 because he was growing out a buzz cut he got at the Abbey, not because he liked having fringe. If they are trying to recreate S1 hair they have failed spectacularly.

Season Finale: Rescuing Dog Face. I want to care, but I don’t. Roger and Bree do not have an established or believable relationship. He showed up with his Paul McCartney hair in Boston and the writers decided he loved her and that’s all it’s based on. There is no chemistry between them but there isn’t any conversation, either. She is apathetic. We’ll never know how Sophie would deliver well written dialogue but with her somnolent, emotionless, delivery my guess is it wouldn’t have helped. Maybe they limited her dialogue because she couldn’t manage more than a few words at a time. Imagine the stirring ‘He’s real…I know’ or the riveting ‘You’re here’ with a modicum of energy. I know, it’s just as bad. She was miscast, obviously. They couldn’t have found a tall, American actress with dual UK/USA citizenship with an Equity card? Hey Bree: In the show, Roger humiliated then abandoned you at the Clan gathering because you didn’t want to marry him. He then had a relationship with you --in his mind--, while you were living on your own and trying to keep your eyes from closing while you talked.  Why do you love him? Back to Roger. A group of people are going against their own tribe to rescue Dog Face and risk alienation from said tribe just to get a stone they could have just taken from Claire? Come on. The tribe had sentries posted when Jamie and Claire were approaching but everyone had the night off to gather around for the drumming circle? The one guy watching the idiot tent gets clubbed (is he dead? We don’t know) by Jamie and no one notices? Finally the jig is up and the resulting scramble to “reach the river” is so laughably amateurish that I imagined the camera guy laughing like you do when you’re filming your friends in the backyard trying to recreate the Aragorn/Nazgul fight scene from the LOTR. Thankfully, Claire was there to bring a sensible end to it all with a very effective “Its ovah”. Even the Mohawk warriors were impressed. So did they all sleep in the idiot tent that night, or what? And Roger isn’t totally amazed looking at Claire and Jamie, together? No? He just cowers in her clutches. At least he’s not wearing those absolutely ridiculous but completely historically accurate culottes anymore. The Birth: Everyone complaining about this is correct. Claire would never have allowed her daughter to go through child birth in the 18th century without her. I don’t understand why the writers made this decision. That whole birthing chair thing was cringe worthy. Jocasta and her hand-made silk dress isn’t going to be assisting at a freaking birth. (I just kept seeing a thought bubble above Sophie that said “I should have stuck to dance”. I don’t think she’s enjoying Outlander that much.) In the book, while Bree is asking Jamie to stay for the birth, he pleadingly looks to Claire like ‘what do I do’ because, while he’s heard a lot of birthing going on, he’s never been asked to assist. It shows their complete unison as a team, their trust in each other, and it’s cute to see Jamie out of his element a little. More importantly, Jamie got to experience his grandchild with his heart burst wide open and he reveled in it. The dialogue in the book is touching and funny and it resonates because its tied to emotions that have long been been building. Jemmy is the catalyst for healing many of Jamie’s wounds regarding his children. He is the balm for his soul. In the show, Jamie barely acknowledges the baby. But here, blind Auntie --who in the show uses a cane-- you take the baby. Don’t hurt him with the giant brooch thing you are wearing. And don’t walk anywhere. Just stand there. Don’t you go dyin’ on me! Here’s the other thing: Bree loves her baby from the start. She makes that decision early on. When Jemmy is born she is completely devoted to him and his care. She wouldn’t be sitting in a room by herself while her baby is hanging with a bunch of people who seem to be just standing around in a circle.

Back to the book for a second: When Roger finally shows up, Bree is not broken. She’s besotted with her son and enjoying the loving embrace of her family. She’s whole. I like that Bree. She’s got a good heart. As much as I miss the humor between Jamie and Claire, I didn’t want to hear Sam call Claire “Granny” unless it was with a twinkle in his eye after he comes to the realization that this is the first time she’ll be called that, and it’s the first time he gets to say it. I hate book dialogue spoken with no depth or understanding of the moment. Intimacy is what DG gets so right in the books and I don’t like hearing actual lines unless it carries some weight, I’m looking at you “Turtle Soup” (cringe). Murtagh: When he jumped off that wagon I was like…Duncan LaCroix is just loving the shit out of this. I don’t like the Regulator plot because they are shit stirrers who like to argue and ruin gatherings. Murtagh should be sticking to his vow, which was to protect Jamie. These are 18th century people, they took that shit seriously. The fight with Jocasta was hilarious but when she said ‘let’s get breakfast’ and they pan over to Murtagh and he’s all laid out on the bed like ‘here’s your freakin’ breakfast, with sausage’ I laughed so hard I had to pause it, drink some water and pull myself together. I was dying. It wasn’t as funny the second time because I knew it was coming but the first time it was like I could see Duncan turning up that sexy vibe to 11 and it was both funny and ridiculous, and he knew it. Rogers Choice: They should have made Roger a man of worth by having him immediately want to go to Bree. If you freaking love her so much it wouldn’t be an issue. What is she going to do, choose Bonnet over you? It should have been with no hesitation. It would have redeemed him, gave the search and rescue a satisfying conclusion, and saved us from yet another use of the two lovers running toward each other imagery.  The music was so cliché I have to wonder if Bear is just picking stuff off a spotify muzak playlist. It’s clear that the show has lapsed into soap opera territory. Sam’s face when he said he had to –takes off glasses-- kill Murtagh wasn’t full on Drake Ramoray, but it was teetering close to it. Poor Outlander. You had the rare combination of chemistry, beauty, and talent combined with an eager and knowledgeable fan base and you reduced it to a strange wooden version of itself. Dedicated fans are leaving. I’m done. These writers are not smart or creative enough to chisel down The Fiery Cross. So much times passes during the gathering that surely Jamie will have outgrown his bangs, but of course he won’t. He just keeps hacking at them and I don’t want to stick around to watch.

Post Scriptum: Drinking game idea: Anytime anyone says Fraser’s Ridge. I mean, who talks like that? You’d say, ‘lets go home’. No one spouts the address when they reference home. ‘Where are you going?’ ‘123 State Street, where I live’. 

Post, post Scriptum: You could also have a drinking game for every time Claire crosses her arms but you’d better have plenty of libations on hand. post post post scriptum: Sam and Cait are tired of Outlander and can’t wait for it to be over.

Yes, I am still watching the French version. *sigh* but I have been helped along by some discussion on our Versailles Fan Group and via my lovely twitter followers :) CanalPlus in their wisdom, decided to screen two eps on the one night and I didn’t realise until Aurora told me, so I scrambled and totally missed the intro UGH. But anyways, I bravely grabbed my pen and paper and diligently scribbled the rest of the ep down for you all. Oh, and make sure you’ve read my corrections from Ep1. It is important.

REMEMBER… SPOILERS.

Okay, here we go. Apparently, it starts with Louis wandering through the halls at night, making his way to Montespan’s bed, then a chandelier smashes down, just missing him. Cut to him and Bishop Bossuet having words with Louis, and it is obvious Louis is going ‘but what does this all mean? is it a sign?” And the Bishop going, well, yeah, duh, the Lord is not happy with you, you adulterer. Louis claps back with “I am going to war with William of Orange who is a heretic Protestant so the Lord is pretty shitty if he’s hating on me for all this minor stuff.” Then we see Montespan/Louis shagging, then cut to the Queen laying in bed hearing all the sounds of smexiness and lots of “YES YES!” The next morning she meets Louis for prayer, bags under her eyes, and they have major words because even if she has to accept her king shagging all the womenz she doesn’t have to be happy about it as his wife. And she is totally humiliated to have Montespan swan about like a massive pregnant… well…. swan. Louis is unimpressed and goes to leave and OMG she grabs his arm and halts him and the look of outrage and shock on his face is a thing to behold. The Queen says she doesn’t like who he has become. “You may be the Sun King, but of late when I look into your eyes all I see is shadow.”

Aaaaaaaaaand the Chevalier has returned! How do I know this? Both of them naked in bed, at Saint Cloud, and Philippe and says “I missed you.” And all is good and right with the world once more *heart eyes* There is naked hugging. Naked talking. Naked back kissing and slapping of asses. Naked staring out massive windows. Naked prancing in front of a mirror like the precious unicorn the Chevalier is. Naked Chevalier de Lorraine pissing in a bowl that he makes a servant hold out for him. It is delightful. Let us take a moment to enjoy some screencaps of this glorious scene.

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Now a Council scene with Marchal… and that is all my notes say. Obviously not a scene of importance at the time because hey, we return to Saint Cloud where we see the Chevalier taking some drugs from a pretty mignon (Alexandre Wetter – he of the handkerchief nose boop of S1) hanging about near the door, and it looks as though he is either depressed he is not in favour, or stoned. Could be both.

Then the Philippes both drag armchairs out the French doors and sit in glorious dressing robes, surveying their domain (i.e. the as-yet-un-Le-Notre’d gardens of Saint Cloud). I fancy that the Chevalier is saying “you really need to pretty up this place… add a fountain or two. Maybe a massive cascade.” There is some dialogue, the Chevalier kisses Philippe’s hand and they look so perfectly happy I wanna scream at them to STOP THAT BECAUSE IT WILL TURN INTO SHIT VERY SOON DON’T YOU KNOW and then Philippe kind of goes off on a ranty monologue about Louis taking away all his friends and the Chevalier rolls his eyes and goes to his knees, pets his Philippe and says that Louis “might be the sun, my dear, but you are the star. And it is time you show your brother how brightly you can sparkle. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but while the sun rules the day, it is the stars that rule the night.” And Philippe kinda goes “hmm.” and grudgingly admits “I did miss you a great deal.” And the Chevalier, looking just a little too smug, replies “I know. Tell me again.” And they both grin and there is a lovely smoochy kiss and I am all happy again because PHILIPPE ET PHILIPPE FEEEEEELS and they both go together forever, happily every after. So there.

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We are now in the gardens of Versailles and some courtiers having wine and giggling a bit and they gallivant around in the dark, having a gay old time. Then we are back with Montespan and Louis and an argument is going down, about her being massively pregnant. It is telling that Montespan says that soon the child will be out of her and “then we shall hear no more about it.” *historical note: the real Montespan did not care much at all for her children. They also argue about Cassel being appointed as minister, with Louis subscribing to the “keep your enemies closer.”

We are back in the salons with Sophie and there appears to be mucho gossip and covet glancing about.. she eyes the new dude with the moustache (who I know now is Thomas, a scribe who has been brought in to write Louis’ history) and we see the other new dude Gaston who expected that position but Louis rained on his parade. Some woman has harsh words with him (ahhh it is his mother, Madeline de Foix, played by Greta Scacchi) then Montespan arrives and she is all yes Madame, no Madame because she knows Montespan can have her out of there with just a word, and meanwhile Gaston is still shitty she could not get him the Minister position. Gaston is very much henpecked by his horrid mother but I don’t have much sympathy for him – he appears quite not delightful. Sophie whispers to a girl and an exchange of words and an item happens, with the girl finally handing Sophie a box of something, which she puts in her bodice and eventually hands off to Marchal. She sounds so clever, Sophie. I would love to see more of her with Marchal. Meanwhile that girl then flirts with Thomas and she grabs his hand and suddenly off they go, charging from the salon. I bet I can guess what they are up to. Louis arrives in the salon and creates a bit of a stir.

Next scene and Claudine and Marchal are having words…. I understand they are discussing if something is poison or aphrodisiac. Claudine smiles… (is she trolling again?) and Marchal looks irritated and/or impatient. She says he can stay for supper and tongue-in-cheek: “My soup is fresh and untainted by any tonic.” The look Marchal gives her…. AHAHAAAA. #Trolled. I hope there is more with those two. They are so awesome together. A meeting of intelligent minds. YES I KNOW. SOPHIE TOO.

Next we see Louis on a horse – and he is so happy when he is alone riding, like a big kid – meeting another man in the forest and from the word Palatine, I gather they are discussing Philippe’s marriage and the protocol.

We cut back to Saint Cloud and an exchange between the Chevalier and Philippe, with Philippe holding the portrait and they talk about the terms of marriage…. and one of the best lines in this ep (although there are many) when Philippe says “I hear she likes bratwurst.” And the Chevalier replies “It’s important for every married couple to share a common interest.” :D

And then the mood drops when at the end of the meeting, they must ride together into Versailles. UGH. What a pain.

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I hear she likes bratwurst…

“All married couples should share a common interest.” #WAITWAT

A scene where we FINALLY see Jacques the gardener with Louis, and Jacques does his Yoda thing, being cryptic and wise and stuff. They talk about Louis’ father and returning to the same place, so why trouble oneself with living. Gives us more of an insight into Louis’ relationship with his father.

The Queen strolls in the gardens with Bossuet – she is obvs not happy with her husband’s mortal soul, which looks as though it will be going to Hell on account of him fornicating with and impregnating a married woman.

Back into the salons again, with lots of camera shots of drinking, gambling and people taking all forms of drugs. Thomas is in bed with two women and they all have a bit of a snog.

Now we are at mass, with a new Father Pascal who frankly looks as though he could go postal with only the slightest of nudges. He preaches about sin and the Queen glances back to Montespan, who is SO NOT IMPRESSED as she strokes her pregnant belly. Louis watches from a balcony above and storms off after it is clear the Father is preaching about him.

Then Louis is having a talk with Bontemps and Montespan sweeps in, and from her body language and tone, she does her iron-fist-in-velvet-glove thing and seems to be commanding Bontemps. UGH. Dammit. Bontemps is not a mere servant. Jesus.

Now we are in the confession box and Montespan is hissing at Bossuet, letting him know she is NOT HAPPY. *As an historical aside, it was common for mistresses to grant favours to friends and family while they had the power and influence to do so. Unlike Louise de la Valière, Montespan took full advantage of her position and boosted her family’s standing, as well as her close friends. Anyway she gets shitty and leaves the confessional, and the duc de Cassel surprises her relieving herself in a servant’s corridor. Words are exchanged and she slaps his horrible face, then storms off. We see her charging through rooms and when she is finally alone, she bursts into tears. Those damn pregnancy hormones.

The Queen is in private prayer with the new bishop and Louis storms in, says he sees she has acquired ‘a new piece of furniture’. He does not like it and she must send it back. Subtle, Sire. Subtle.

We are back with Philippe at Saint Cloud and he is getting dressed, when the Chevalier prances in like the show pony he is. Swishes about some new fabrics and shows off his knowledge of fashion. He is so hilarious and I love these two together. it is clear his is the fun-loving one, while Philippe is deeply conflicted with the weight of his brother’s oppression.

Now to Louis and Bontemps and Montespan is having a moment of yelling and screaming. He follows her and his words are spoken to placate her… they do not.

Now Montespan is in the village and meeting Agathe. There are Important Things Said about the prior fortune reading and it is interesting to think about it, because I heard it was full of destruction and drinking from poison wells and the time for kings will be past and stuff. I wonder if she could be talking about the French Revolution that will happen years from now and see Louis’ great grandson, Louis XVI and his wife Marie Antoinette guillotined for it.

I do not care for your shoes… or your coat… or your hair…. or pretty much anything.

We see another carriage on the road….. OMG it is the meeting with Liselotte! Philippe rides up on his glorious white horse, dismounts and looks mucho confused. Where is that German? She is… uhh…. peeing in a ditch. And seems quite unperturbed about it, giving him a cheerful wave as she finishes with her ladies then strides up to greet him. God, this is hilarious – the down to earth Liselotte, looking perfectly healthy and chatty, and Philippe giving her the ‘Dieu, what is this creature and look at her clothes… THOSE SHOES!’ look. She presents gifts for his daughters and this is the first time they have literally been mentioned AT ALL. Marie Louise and Anne Marie who are with their governesses in Saint Germain. Liselotte is under the impression that he is missing them and wants to get back to them and Philippe is all….. O.o at her like ‘whyyyyyy?’ I love Liselotte.

have I mentioned that awful coat?

*historical Note: Philippe by this time had two daughters with his now-dead wife, Henriette. Marie Louise was eight (and went on to become Queen of Spain, tragically dying at 26) and Anne Marie was one (who became Queen of Sardinia and died a day before she turned 59).  Henriette did not care for her children, and horrified Philippe’s mother when she said Marie Louise should be thrown in the Seine after the child was born. Marie Louise was Anne of Austria’s favourite.  

The Chevalier, meanwhile, is seeing Claudine and for one second, I think he is after poison. But no. It appears he wants her to inspect his manly bits, which she does – with cold hands! – and he asks her for something, holding out a vial. She refuses, and tells him he can put something on his inflicted parts.

Marchal visits Madame de Reynard, the widow of the dead minister who was poisoned during the council meeting in the first ep. They have a chat as she eats her food and he leaves… .only to be called back when the guards raise the alarm that she’s been poisoned and we see copious amounts of blood dripping from her mouth into the soup bowl. Gross.

Another Council meeting, and Louvois is talking about their troops not being given food and shelter at some French monasteries as they march to war. Louis is FURIOUS. So we now see Bousset in the chapel and Louis is on the balcony, telling him off. The symbolism of Louis at such a great height, towering over a man of God, is very clear. Louis yells and leaves.

Now Philippe has arrived at Versailles with Liselotte and their small entourage and Louis creeps from an upper window. Philippe sees him and is so not impressed, not wanting to be there at all.

Next scene with Claudine and Montespan and it appears Madame does not want Claudine’s medical advice about lacing her corset too tight. Then Philippe and Liselotte are presented to the court and the grand party begins.

ahahahahaNope.

Colbert chats with Liselotte. The Chevalier also watches her, as she spits out food and they have this lovely little exchange that I hope is the level of saltiness to come: Liselotte: You’re not eating? Le Chevalier: (gives her a look and a droll) Not like that. Liselotte: Do you come here often? Le Chevalier: Not in this room, no. Liselotte: I saw some stains on the floor, I assumed one of them was you.

Now we cut to the gardens and OMG brace yourselves. Thomas is carving something on a tree and I assume this is a spy thing and not just because he hates trees. Jacques catches him and they exchange those words you have when you know the other person is totally up to no good but you’re waiting for them to break into an attack first. Thomas is the first one, stabbing Jacques and suddenly Jacques does his Wolverine thing with his sword arm and you can see Thomas going ‘oh shit’ but then he calculates and suddenly his knife is buried in Jacques’ throat.

NO. FUCKING. WAY.

Not Yoda Jacques. Who will give Louis such cryptic advice, full of gardening metaphors? Who will tell him all about his father? Who will LOOK AFTER THOSE ORANGE TREES???

CRYING. Because Jacques is dying and Thomas says “not long now” and Jacques is “you will… never…win.” And Thomas is all “so far so good.” Jacques struggles to breathe… “I see new trees, marching in formation.” and Thomas replies: “Well. you will be food for them now.” and Jacques final words are “I will make a damn…fine….tree.”

Through my tears the party is in full swing and Louis and Montespan are dancing and suddenly she gets a pain and collapses. She screams and Louis yells for the men to help her and they pick her up and cart her off. Then she is in the throws of childbirth, all spread legs and blood everywhere and we see Agathe in her home, turning cards, and then Claudine is yelling PUSH and Montespan does and suddenly Agathe has this OMG look on her face with the last turn of the card and her candles go out, and then the guards’ torches at the palace blow out as Montespan keeps screaming and everything goes black.

The end. ‘scuse me while I compose myself for the next eps. I hear it is rough.

Versailles S2, episode 2 – the one in French (still) and with Liselotte Yes, I am still watching the French version. *sigh* but I have been helped along by some discussion on our Versailles Fan Group and via my lovely twitter followers :) CanalPlus in their wisdom, decided to screen two eps on the one night and I didn't realise until Aurora told me, so I scrambled and totally missed the intro UGH.