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chokememrstark · 6 years

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The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 2

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2661 (Chapter 2 / 12)

Fic Summary: It's impossible to deny anymore that Lucifer is his soulmate. Sam tries to handle the situation the rational way, without allowing his emotions to control him, but Lucifer isn't helping at all with the way he reacts and Sam doesn't know if he should laugh or scream about the impossible situation he found himself in.

college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)

Note: My lovely beta reader @brieflymaximumprincess called this a rom-com and even though I don’t believe it is, in my eyes, it does have certain elements of it. This is not the angst you know from me, not at all.

Yes, there is some drama, but there is also a lot of sweet and cute moments, much more than the dramatic ones. I guess you could say I accidentally wrote cute fluff? Because it was not intended, but here we are.

This fic is already completed and will be posted by the regular schedule from now on: Thuesday, Thursday and Saturday! So, enjoy ♥

Tagging: @shebahda @sassysupernaturalsweetheart @spnyoucantkeepmedown @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee @blakechaos08 @daddycasstiel @diamondsdontshine

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

Sam tried really hard to not look at the blond guy or give him any form of attention over the next few days, but it felt like torture every single time they were in the same room together. The more he ignored him, the more his body seemed to protest and fight against his decision. After a few days of this, Sam didn’t know if he could take it anymore. Not even hanging out and talking to the few friends he had on campus provided any form of distraction - this pestering turmoil inside of him flared up regularly, even when the blond was far away. It only got worse and Sam didn’t know what to do anymore.

During the next weekend, Sam laid awake at night and wondered how this horrible guy could be his soulmate and why he had to be punished like that. Hell, from what he had seen so far he wouldn’t be surprised if he’d turn on the news one day and see him presented as a serial killer or something like that! This guy was a creep, how could this be possible? And still, all signs were there and it got more obvious every day. At this rate he would probably explode by Wednesday next week and he began to hope for it in a way.

“You need to talk to him,” Dean said when Sam called him Sunday night, completely drained, exhausted and helpless. “It won’t get better like this, trust me.”

“I can’t talk to him!” Sam protested, banging his head against the wall behind him. “He’ll probably rip me to shreds! You didn’t see him, Dean…”

“You’re sure it’s him, right?”

“Sadly yes…”

“If you’re right you have to talk to him. The more you try to stay away from him, the worse it’ll get.”

Sam sighed, he had feared this would be Dean’s answer. Why did this have to happen to him? He had already wasted two weeks of college, if this kept going he wouldn’t make it much longer.

“I’ve never seen someone with so much disgust on his face, Dean,” Sam mumbled after a while, running a hand through his hair. “It’s like he’s thinking about murdering everyone around him all the time, he’s creeping me the fuck out!”

“Does he look decent at least?” Dean asked curious and Sam groaned.

“Who cares how good he looks? Dean, he’ll probably kill me if I come closer than five feet - a decent face is the last thing I’m interested in!”

“Calm down, I’m just asking,” Dean said quickly. “I doubt he’ll kill you on sight, the worst thing that might happen is that he tells you to fuck off, right?”

“Maybe he doesn’t care for witnesses...”

“You’re being ridiculous, Sam,” Dean chuckled. “If he really is who you think he is don’t you think he’s going through the same thing as you?”

Sam hadn’t thought about that if he was honest. Maybe Dean was right. He had read a lot about soulmates in school and it was always a mutual thing, at least according to studies.

“He hides it pretty well then, as you said,” Sam eventually scoffed.

“Maybe he’s just not the most emotional one.”

“Are you calling me emotional?” Sam snarled, making his brother laugh again.

“I’m calling you a coward, that’s what I’m doing!” Dean retorted. “Look, just go talk to him. The worst that can happen is that he shoves you away and then you’ll find a way to deal with it. And no, you won’t start drinking like dad, trust me. That’s a whole different story.”

Sam swallowed hard. He didn’t know Dean was aware of his fear of becoming like their dad. Not that he ever hid it, but he didn’t know it was that obvious. Most of his hate for the whole soulmate thing came from his parents, sure, but he never talked about it openly.

“If that happens and I wanna get away; can you pick me up?”

“Sammy, of course!” Dean answered without hesitating. “If he does he’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve you anyway. Just jump over your shadow, alright?”

“Yeah, I’ll try…”

Sam wasn’t sure if he’d find the courage to do that, but he didn’t want Dean to think he actually was a coward either. One thing was clear, however; he couldn’t keep going like this. He’d never get anything done that way.

They talked briefly for a few minutes before Dean had to hang up and Sam was relieved about the silence that followed. As glad as he was about Dean’s support and help, he knew this was something he had to tackle all by himself and it scared him. They taught kids about soulmates in school, but never mentioned the nasty parts. It was always sunshine and rainbows, nothing else.

Sam tried hard to sleep that night, but barely got more than three hours after rolling around restlessly in his bed. He looked more like a zombie than an actual human when he dragged himself to the coffee machine to fill a big cup with espresso and some cream to help with the bitter taste. He was early to class again, but this time he sat down where the blond guy usually sat, hoping it would not cause him to go the other direction. He was too tired to really care, but maybe that would be helpful.

The blond was not late today, but barely made it on time and plopped down with a disapproving grunt next to Sam when he saw his seat taken. The look he shot Sam was more than just a little annoyed and made the other’s guts twist when he caught it.

“If you don’t plan to cut my throat you might wanna pay attention to the topic,” Sam said after a few minutes of being glared at like that, completely aware that he probably signed his own death certificate with that. He felt too awful to care, to be honest. Between his pulse skyrocketing and his hands feeling like they were frying over a bonfire, he just couldn’t find the strength to keep his mouth shut.

“You’re pretty cocky for someone who just stole my seat,” the blond huffed, squinting his eyes.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but you make me feel pretty damn shitty ever since you walked into this room the first time and it’s killing me. So just let me sit here and shut up, will you?” Sam had no idea where his sudden attitude came from, but the reaction he got surprised him even more. The blond actually smirked at him.

“I expected you to last longer, honestly.”

Sam thought he’d suffer from a stroke right there and then. Did he just hear what he thought he heard?

“Excuse me?”

The blond laughed quietly and shifted in his seat to look at Sam directly before answering.

“I wondered when you’d come over, but I thought you’d last a bit longer than two weeks.”

“You really are an asshole, wow.” Sam huffed and took a huge sip from his espresso.

“I answer to Lucifer too, but if you want to call me asshole, go ahead.”

Sam nearly choked on his next sip, staring at the blond with wide eyes for a moment.

“Hell no,” Sam eventually huffed and turned away from the other. “Fuck me sideways, just no !”

“That’s what he said.” Lucifer grinned.

Sam realized one thing in this very moment: there were people that asked to be hated by simply existing and then there was Lucifer, who managed to quadruple this feeling easily. This could only be a very cruel joke that he didn’t get the punchline of yet, there was no other way.

“Do me a favor and don’t talk,” Sam eventually scoffed and did his best to ignore the blond and that he still looked at him. “You’re making everything worse when you talk.”

Luckily Lucifer, if that was even his real name, didn’t open his mouth anymore, but it barely helped Sam to get through the lecture. When the professor finally dismissed them, Sam sighed in relief, only to be reminded with a cough that he wasn’t free yet.

“I guess you know what that means, right?” Lucifer said with a smug grin on his face that gave Sam goosebumps when he turned towards him.

“Yeah, I probably fucked up horribly in my past life and this is my punishment for it,” Sam shot back ice cold and stood up. “Whatever you think it means, it’s not gonna happen.”

Sam made it out of the classroom and almost to the next before he heard heavy steps behind him and sighed. Now the guy was a stalker too, seriously? He spun around, angry and ready to fight.

“What?” Sam snarled, trying to ignore the confusion that crept up in him once more.

“You forgot your backpack,” Lucifer said and held up the forgotten item. “I guess you need it, don’t you?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Sam took his belongings with a suspicious glare, but there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with it as far as he could see.

“Til later, I guess,” Lucifer waved and as he started walking away, Sam got overwhelmed by his cursed instincts.

“Wait!”

The blond stopped, turned back and gave Sam a more than surprised look.

“Thank you, really,” Sam said, slightly ashamed. “I’d die without this thing.”

“I figured,” Lucifer nodded and shouldered his own backpack. “See you around, Sam.”

Now that Lucifer actually walked away, Sam felt even more weird than before. Lucifer didn’t come across like someone who would be nice to just for the sake of it, so why did he bother giving him back his things? He didn’t seem to care at all before; it made little sense. Unless he was trying to get on his good side, which was very unlikely.

Sam didn’t feel good about this situation at all. He didn’t know Lucifer or even liked him, so why did his body, or soul or whatever, insist that he’d play any part in his life? And still, he had been able to concentrate a little better during the last lecture. Maybe it was enough just to sit next to him, if this was the price he had to pay for good grades he would do it. Anything else, a relationship or even a friendship with this guy, was nothing he desired or wanted, ever.

Dean would probably rip him a new one if he saw him being so stubborn, but dammit, he wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for this stubbornness, so he should be used to it by now! No one had the right to control his life, not his father and surely not some random guy he never met before that fate or whatever had chosen to be his soulmate.

For the rest of the day Sam felt a little better than the week before, even if it was still difficult to keep up his focus. He was even able to sleep at night and when he walked into the next course he had with Lucifer he saw a raised hand in the back while looking for him. Surprised, but relieved that his search was shortened this way, Sam walked over and put the two coffees he had brought with him down on the tables.

“Oh, you’re bringing me gifts already?” Lucifer grinned and looked up at Sam. “How thoughtful of you.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Sam huffed and sat down. “I just want this to go as quiet as possible and if your mouth is occupied with coffee you might talk less.”

Lucifer laughed at this, but Sam turned his attention to his notes and his own coffee. He would not put any effort into this, the coffee had been a spontaneous impulse he would not give into again, so much was clear. Lucifer was merely a tool to improve his concentration and if the blond wanted to be annoying, Sam would not hesitate to just leave again and live with the consequences. He had no desire to end up dead in this guy’s basement one day, no thank you. Soulmate or not, he still came across like a psycho and Sam would keep his distance from him as much as possible - if not physically, then at least emotionally.

The week went by like this and Sam found that only one class a day with Lucifer was enough to get him through the others. They didn’t talk much, apart from the kind of forced ‘hey’ and ‘bye’ they shared less than ten words over the rest of the week, but Sam was fine with that. Lucifer didn’t bother him much and left him alone, so it might work out like that eventually. At the end of the week Sam’s inner turmoil was almost gone completely and he couldn’t have been more relieved about that.

Dean laughed when Sam told him about the new arrangement he had with his supposed soulmate and called them the no-homo-bros, but Sam didn’t give into his mocking or let it get to him. Dean’s amusement was a fair price for not having to drop out of college.

“Careful, Sam,” Dean said with fake seriousness at one point. “You don’t want to fall for the Devil’s irresistible charm, do you?”

“Oh, shut up, Dee,” Sam hissed through gritted teeth, using a nickname he knew Dean hated with a passion. “I’ll learn to fly before I fall for this guy.”

“I’ll get you a pair of wings then.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Sam asked surprised.

“Of course,” Dean laughed. “It’s a law of nature, Sam. It always ends the same way, soulmates aren’t made to push each other away. Sooner or later things will go the natural direction.”

“Well, I’ll prove nature wrong then,” Sam huffed. “I don’t like this guy and I’m not gonna change my mind.”

“I’ll ask you again when you come home next time, but I’m glad things got better at least.”

“Me too, trust me.”

There was no way in hell Sam would change his mind about Lucifer. This guy was rude, annoying, creepy and probably dangerous too - at least it felt like he was and that was enough to make him wary. And why should he want to get involved with this guy anymore than necessary anyways? He didn’t even want to know what was going through Lucifer’s head on a regular basis, given the weird look in his eyes, it surely wasn’t something nice. No, he would stick to his decision, no matter what.

Sam had to admit that it was slightly awkward to pull through with his plan to be physically in Lucifer’s presence, but far away emotionally. Not that the blond ever acted up or treated him badly, he couldn’t describe where this feeling came from. It wasn’t different from sitting next to anyone else he didn’t talk to in other lectures, just that it was different and he had no idea how to put it into words. Ultimately, Sam knew it boiled down to the soulmate thing, but he was extremely focused on controlling himself in every way possible to not let that part take over him. Whether it was awkward or not, in the end it worked and that was all that mattered to him.

Lucifer himself was as cold and distant as always for the most part. Occasionally he would make a sarcastic remark or shoot the other an estimating glare, but Sam never gave him the satisfaction of letting it get to him. It wasn’t even to get his attention, Sam noticed that when he reacted the first few times. Lucifer was simply used to this behavior and Sam watched him acting the same around other people from afar. How this guy was supposed to make friends like that was beyond him, but as they said: that was none of his business.

#samifer #sam x lucifer #sam winchester #spn lucifer #soulmate!au #college!au #human!au #myfics #multi chapter fic #tssnaf

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bitchassthetik · 7 years

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fuck, im gonna get lynched, i fucked up my phone amd im so terrified that my dad wont help me fix it. my life feels like its falling apart and i dont know what to do about it. im fucking livid at evan and i feel like i need to straight up fight him for hurting the people i care about. i feel like no one trusts me enough to do it tho. i want to take care of this myself but no one listens to me. i lovee all my friends to death but i know they would be mad if i did. but im afraid ill jusst fucking loose it. but im a nice person so i know i could never hurt him. and i caant ley him hurt me for his own sake. i cant let him get hurt ether. daoes this make me a shitty person? am i a horriblr person for still wanting him to be ooay? i still want to believe that he could change and be a better person. but he hasnt changes in tthe two years we were apart. i know he wont change in the future. i just, i dont want anyone hurt, i want everyone to be safe.

Delete Commentbitchassthetikim literally the worst tm? resently (as far as i know its happened twice) ive sorta "blacked out" during sorta intence situations it aparently happened the first time in the car with quilla. what i was told happened is that we argued and quilla started yelling at me and i freaked out and yelled ack for them to stop yelling at me, then i curled up and was shaking and crying? but what i remember was getting off the phone with daniel and getting really tired and falling asleep on the window. the second time which happened tonight... well.. i dont actually remember what happened.. i dont remember anything after going into his room. we talked and i remmebr say how numb i felt. but i dont remember anything after that. when i "came to" we were laying down and he looked like he had been crying. i just remember being really confused about what happened cause he imedently whent into how he thinks hes slipping back into old habbits and ge told me that if it gets to bad to brake up with him. wich of corse im not gonna do because that fucking stupid. im his boyfriend and im gonna stay with him for as long as he lets me. but he said if i dont he'll brake up with me. and i know the thing about me if that if wants to brake up with me ill let him, im not gonna force him to stay with meesspecaly if he doesnt want to stay. i dont want to loose him. he looked me daed in the eyes and said he will.he was crying. but i.. i didnt feel.. anything? i didnt cry too. he was upset, like really upset and i couldnt do anything, fell anything. whats happening to me? why am i like this? whats wrong with me? whats wrong with me? whats wrong with me ? whats wrong with me?

Delete Commentbitchassthetiki love waking up hating myself.. i couldnt even look in the mirror i hate my reflection. it doesnt even seem like me.. tho i guess the "bright side" is i fnally had a brake down last night... it started off with being overwhelmed with everything that had happened that day. not that it was a bad day cause it wasnt at all. there were just a few stressful aspects of it. but i finally lost it when i when to go make the be and i grabbed a pillow i wanted to hug and i grabbed straight on to cat pee. i dont know what that set me off but i lost it. it started out with small sniffling and little tears and digressed. into a large brak down. i ended up thinking about my family. about everything before they devorced how happy i thought that we all were. i miss getting hugs from both my parents at the same time i miss the love that i thought we all had. i remember talking to my sister about buying each house on each side pf my parents house when we were older and knocking down the fence and having one huge yard we all shared. i miss when that seemed so easy to do. quilla and i have been fighting alot more recently. i know its not there fault too. i know its me. i dont know how but i know it is. im hard to live with. im hard to be friends with. im so rude and stubborn and bitchy. im surprised i still have friends or that anyone likes me still. i hope people know im trying. i hope people dont think ive justgiven up but i know thats what the expect. but im trying i really am. no ones home right now. i slept in till 2 so ive only been up for like an hour. no ones home. i feel like a ghost. did i die?? i feel like i did. im more clumsy today ive dropped like 6 things. im surprised nothing has broken honestly. i wouldnt be surprised that i was dead. and if being dead is just like being alive with no limitations thats what i want.

Delete Commentbitchassthetikalos making cookies in a waffle iron doesnt fucking work

2 DAYS AGO

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travelinghermit · 7 years

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Trek to the Quilotoa Volcanic Crater

After a fairly intensive full four day hike through the interior of Ecuador, across some of the most stunning Andes mountain views I have seen, I arrived back into Latacunga yesterday afternoon. Away from wifi, away from my bike, away from everything really except me, myself, and I and a few necessary items in my daypack. It felt truelly good to be cut off from modern technology for a few days and just spend some time hiking in the wilderness, breathing that fresh air. No guide, no companions except the rare few you cross paths with along the way.

I intended to depart Thursday morning but I woke up with very slight cold symptoms such as a runny nose and a very slight cough. Which is barely holding on as I write this. So I took the day preparing a bit more like walking to the bus terminal and confirming bus times, going to the bank, buying snacks. It wasnt a complete waste of a day but I did spend the majority eating fruit and resting in bed to get rid of this thing for good before I was off early in the morning.

I woke up at 5am the following morning and was on the bus to the village of Sitchos by 5:45am. The two hour bus ride was a slow ride up the winding narrow mountain passes. It was a beautiful morning in the mountains with the sun shining. I of course didnt bother with sunscreen. I packed all my rain gear and layers thinking it would be miserable, cold, mountain weather and of course over the three day duration I was lucky or perhaps unlucky with amazing weather and no rain yet my face is still recovering from it all.

By 830am I hit the trail. No map or the slightest indication of where I was supposed to go to the next village Isinlivi. The Quilotoa loop as its called is a popular trek among travellers mostly because of its inexpensive cost and well for me atleast it was the adventure aspect of being out there by yourself with no guide for a couple days roughing it. The loop is made up of a series of day treks from village to village. Most start at the village Isinlivi but there was an early bus to the town before that and I read the trail truelly started there so I went for it. There was one other group of Americans on my bus but other than that we were it for the day.

Within an hour I was already lost. I followed a sign to an abandoned house ontop of a hill and I mustve spent forty five minutes trying out each direction and all I came up with was barbed wire fences and dead ends. So did what anybody would do I saw a road bellow down the hill so I walked down, climbed over two barbed wire fences and I was back on the right track seemingly as I walked the dirt road. This first day was easily the most difficult of the days as I guess the official loop didnt start at Sitchos so the markers along the trail did not start until the following village in Isinlivi. After three and a half hours I arrived in this peaceful village at 12:30pm and was the first person to arrive at the Lulu Lhama Hostel. I was incredibly surprised at the quality of this hostel. Amazing mountain view patio at back, with a cozy living room and fire place and the star attraction a huge Saint Bernard dog lying around. I didnt bring anything to do no book or anything. I sacrificed my book in order to make space for my rain gear which I didnt use at all but lucky me there was half a book of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson with the beginning ripped out and seemingly missing. Ive read it before so it didnt really bother me. As time went on more and more people arrived at the hostel and suddenly the hostel was full. I talked to a Norwegian or was he Swedish? Well he was from one of those places who volunteered there. He told me of a nice and quick trek to the top of a hill he pointed too in the back. I still had tons of energy and nothing to do so I went for it. When I reached the top I had a 360 degree view of the beautiful mountains with low hanging clouds cutting the tops off and best of all I had it all to myself.

That night was really great. With so many people from all over staying at the hostel and no wifi as distractions it made for good interactions. It had been forever since I had some good english conversation so I was a chatterbox asking this English couple a million and one questions about their time in Peru and Bolivia. I also met two girls from France who were fun to talk too aswell. I told them about my Ayahuasca experience in Mocoa and we chatted about how with so many poor child beggars its so easy to wave them off codly, just not wanting to deal with them because of the sheer number. I told them about an experience I had the night before. I was eating soup at a restaurant and a child beggar who mustve been five at least. He came in and walked up to everyone asking for money nobody gave him anything. I didnt either except a fist bump which he deffinitley wasnt asking for. I had been used to so many coming up to me I didnt even think about it anymore. My table was facing the window and I was eyeing the boy as he walked out and past my view and I saw his face. He was on the verge of tears and I think he really did start crying completely oblivious of my view. My heart broke I wanted to run out and give him something but he was already gone. But what can you do? You cant give them all money and its shitty of the parents to put their kids in these situations. These are the tough aspects of travel that leave you powerless in view of the reality of overwhelming economic adversity. Throughout this trip its been the French that has surprised me the most with who I have connected with the most.

That night the cook made a huge Quiche and everyone ate at big tables like a big family. Nobody left the table without full stomaches. Breakfast was my absolute favorite meal fresh fruit, yogurt, granola, and scrambled eggs with juice and coffee. Perfect for a day of trekking. I was the first out the door by 821am but of course even with a map this time I was lost within minutes. After talking to many of the fellow trekkers getting lost on the Quilotoa loop is all apart of the experience. Once I found the right trail I was good for the rest of the day. This time the trek was made a bit easier with red and yellow paint marking the trail. As I was trekking along I thought how cool is this? Just a bunch of travellers trekking by ourselves with no guides through stunning Ecuadorian landscapes. If you do get lost theres always someone coming up behind you (well hopefully) but you always find your way again somehow. These trails werent incredibly easy either sometimes you wont see a paint marker for a long while but once you climb up a large hill and youre not quite sure if its really the right way, and your so tired and suddenly there it is, a red spot on a tree or rock. Youre just so happy you made it and more impottantly going the right way.

I didnt see many people along the way really. On the second night at the Cloud Forrest Hostal there were only four other groups along with me staying which I thought was weird considering how full the first night was but most dont do the full trek I gathered. Third and final day it was the big climb to the crater. Quilotoa is an inactive volcano with a rim circumference of 10km and the last time it erupted was apparently 1280 and it was such a powerful blast the ash reached the Pacific Ocean. This final day was my favorite portion of the hike. The views were spectacular, the trails were taxing and narrow and most of all very diverse. I was jumping over streams, climbing sandy paths up mountains which can barely be called a trail and through tiny mountain villages. I wrote that Jack Kerouac quote last week about fleeing the ocean and running to your desire. As I was hiking along I was laughing to myself as this was exactly what I desired. A challenging hike I can do all by myself over a couple days which ended in a jaw dropping view of the Quilotoa Volcan crater lake. This was exactly what I required.

At around noon I had arrived to the top. It was a gruelling climb that had me going slowly step by step but the view from the top was incredible. Never had I been to a rim of a Volcano, never have I trekked alone for days, never was I about to trek the entire circumference of a Volcano rim, it was surely a day of firsts. The lake that accumulated in the crater of the Volcano was an otherwordly tourqoize green that light up like a emerald when the sun shone on its surface. Absolutley incredible. The colour of the lake comes from the minerals that accumulate. I never seam in the lake but im sure its very good for you. As soon as I reached the top there was time for a slight peanut break but then I was off again treking up and down the hills surrounding the crater. I was all alone up there and this wasnt easy after trekking three hours already just to get there. Seven hours of trekking total on Sunday and by the time I finished the crater loop and found a hostel I was dead beat. The following morning I hopped a bus back to Latagunga and here I am now in a cafe writing this.

I leave for Banos tomorrow after two well deserved rest days. My trekking hopefully doesnt end here. I think I needed a reset from everything, clear my head and reassess my goals. I talked to a girl from Begium who is travelling a year on a $25 a day budget. Made me feel like a novice. I tracked my spending for a week and I saw with no surprise I spend most of my money on snacks. My goal for this week is a $30 budget just to see if I can do it. That starts today we’ll see how it goes. I do love my snacks and yet again the mantra rings “strip away the unessential”.

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