My go-to Stardew Valley OC/Self-Insert: a short trans himbo satyr named Polaris. He has the sideburns+beard I long to have one day.

Mark watched the man run from his car to the door of his house, rain pelting the brown trench coat that covered his three piece suit. With water dripping off his hat, the man that has caught Mark's eye fumbles the key into the lock. Mark's clear, bright, icy blue eyes bounce from window to window as the man goes about his Sunday night routine. He fixes a quick dinner, watches television for an hour, and, finally, goes to bed about nine thirty. Once the man is in bed, Mark wanders off and head towards his home.

It's a large house on the edge of town. It was built in the 1850s and served as a place of refuge and a makeshift hospital during the Civil War. With tall windows, even taller columns, a balcony above the porch, and a wrap around porch starting at the side of the house with railing separating it from the front porch, and a perfectly manicured lawn, including flower beds and rose bushes. The inside was also perfect, but comfortable, lived in. Mark opens the heavy, brown wooden door and steps through.

"Coat and shoes off! I don't feel like mopping the floors again, thank you!" A female voice calls from the kitchen. Mark obliges and sheds his coat, shoes, and hat. He then makes his way to the kitchen to find his friend and housemate, Amanda, mixing something in a bowl.

"What are you doing?"

"Cake," was the only reply she gave him. Mark nods in understanding.

"Where's John?"

"Out getting us food."

"When was the last time you fed?"

"Three weeks. You?"

"Same, but my cravings haven't kicked in quite as bad, yet."

"Damn you."

Just then the front door opens again. Mark and Amanda stay silent as they listen to the shedding of coats and shoes. Two pairs of footsteps head their way.

"Any luck?" Amanda asks, hopeful.

"Not tonight. I'm sorry," John, patriarch of this strange little family, responds. Lawrence runs a hand through his blond hair and takes a seat on a stool at the counter. He pushes his black framed glasses up on his nose as he takes in Amanda.

"Cravings got you, huh?"

Amanda nods and starts looking for a cake pan. Mark opens a cabinet and pulls one down for her and hold it out.

"Manda."

"Thanks, Mark," she says as she takes the pan. Mark moves over to the coffee maker and starts brewing a pot. Hearing that the hunt wasn't successful stirred something in Mark and now he is craving coffee. Maybe the hope of a good hunt was holding him over.

"I don't see why we just don't move," Lawrence says. He sounds almost defeated.

"Or just eat animals. Sure, it isn't the same as humans, but it may hold us over until we can get a human," Mark tells the coffee machine.

"Tomorrow, you and Lawrence will go out for animals then. We'll try it to see if it works. If it does then we will do that. If not, we'll figure something out. Goodnight."

With that, John leaves the kitchen and starts heading up the stairs. Lawrence looks over at Mark, who returns the look before pouring three cups of coffee. He hands one to Lawrence who accepts it gratefully before putting in the creamer and sugar. Amanda accepts hers and pours in sugar.

"Wants some coffee with that sugar?" Mark asks and chuckles when Amanda cuts his eyes at him.

"I'm going to make brownies," she responds before downing half the cup in one go. Mark chuckles again and sips his black coffee.

"Who were you guys going for tonight?"

"That nurse that killed those patients in attempts to save them and look better about herself."

"Angel of mercy," Mark mutters mindlessly. Lawrence nods.

"Yeah, she was heavily guarded. Then we tried to get the guy that gave that other guy a Glasgow smile, but the other inmates decided that he was a dick and they got him before us. I told John we should've kept the deal with the police chief when they changed over, but he didn't think Erickson would take too kindly to us."

"He has a vendetta against us. Something about being influences in the choosing of the cheif. And this house. Politics or whatever," Mark explains.

"He's a dick. Maybe we should eat him," Amanda suggests, cracking eggs into a bowl.

"Don't go outside until you eat," Mark says as he sets his cup in the sink. He bids his friends goodnight and walks up the wooden stairs. He walks along the red carpet with gold trim and details. He gets to his room and opens the door. His gray duvet with navy blue and black lines lay on the floor. His light green fitted sheet is off one corner and the light blue top sheet is crumpled at the foot of the bed. Mark takes his time making the bed and changing into a white t-shirt and blue and green plaid pajama bottoms.

He thinks back to the man that caught his eye today. Mark had seen him around, sure, but today they actually crossed paths.

"Vanilla latte for Peter!" The barista calls. The man, Peter, walks over to grab his drink and starts talking to the barista. Another barista calls Mark's order and when he goes to grab it, he smells something sweet. It's not the lattes it's this guy standing between him and his coffee. The scent is intoxicating and Mark can hardly breathe. He wants to smell this man forever.

"Excuse me, sir," Mark says as the man steps back to let Mark grab his drink. They make eye contact for a brief moment and Mark lost his breath. Between his ocean blue eyes and his intoxicating smell, Mark was a goner. Then, Peter smiles. Mark's knees almost buckle. This guy is really gunning for him. Intrigued by the new feeling, Mark secretly follows Peter about his day, until he went to bed that is.

"Mark, open the door, now!" Amanda calls from the hallway.

"Open it yourself," Mark responds. His door is flung open revealing Amanda and Lawrence. Amanda has a plate of brownies in one hand and a pot of fresh coffee in the other. Lawrene is holding a cake and three coffee cups.

"You met your person, didn't you?" Lawrence asks quietly.

"What do you mean?" Mark asks back.

"Your eyes have the same gold ring around them like John's," Lawrence explains.

"Oh, I guess I did," Mark says, sitting up.

"Who is it?" Amanda asks excitedly as scrambles onto the bed. Mark shrugs and takes a brownie.

"I think some guy at the coffee shop I like. Did we get forks?"

"I have some here," John says as he walks in with forks and another coffee cup. His tired blue eyes with gold rings around his irises look into Mark's eyes. He nods slowly. "You've met your love."

"Damn you and your super sonic hearing," Amandasays to John before shoving abrownie into her mouth.

"What do I do? And why did it take you guys so long to figure this out? I can't see my eye and I haven't looked in a mirror since 1932."

"I noticed it when I walked in. I just couldn't place what was different," Lawrence answers as he pours himself coffee.

"We're all hungry. We're off our game," Amanda offers around a mouthful of cake.

"What you do, Mark, is get to know him and let things happen naturally," John answers with a hand on Mark's shoulder. Mark nods and the four continue to talk we'll into the night. About everything. How Mark is going to run into Peter again, how much the cravings are hitting Amanda, how John met his person, and everything in between.

The next morning Lawrence and Mark drag themselves from their beds, the hunger really taking its toll after almost a month of not feeding. They decide to have breakfast at a diner.

"Hi, I'm V and I will be your server this morning," the server says in an almost monotone voice. Their apron is decorated with pins and buttons. There's one with cartoonish vampire fangs with a bright red drop of blood hanging off of one fang against a black background. Another is white with a simple black text that reads "they/them", a matching one beside it reads "he/him", a third button with a light blue background and bold, yellow text says "smile." There are many more showing a dinosaur on a skateboard, an astronaut riding a jellyfish, a cat wearing a mushroom hat, pigs, cows, more cats, and one that says "I <3 Vampires." Mark and Lawrence let their eyes wander the array on V's apron

"It sounds like you're not ready to be a human," Mark jokes. The server gives a half hearted smile.

"I'm normally not a person until after four, but I took someone's shift. Need the money, ya know?" V explains, their hair falling over their eyes.

"I understand. I'm never a human," Mark jokes again. Lawrence shakes his head and smiles.

"I'm not quite either, I'm afraid," Lawrence says. The men order and V walks away.

"Where are we hunting?" Lawrence asks.

"Forest twenty minutes out of town. We go for deer. It's deer season."

"Are we sure we're quick enough?"

"We're gonna try."

"This whole lack of blood thing sucks."

"You know Erickson would've burned us at the stake if we had told him."

"We don't scare him?"

"We do. That's the problem with humans. Get rid of the threat to save yourself."

"Maybe we could reason with him."

"There's no reasoning, Lawrence. He has a personal vendetta against us. Something about having influence with promotions or some shit. Remember? And if we tell him we're vampires, we'll have an even bigger target on our backs. We have to go hunt for our blood since we can't take the death row inmates anymore. That's that."

"We can't find anyone willing to give us blood?"

"Be my guest."

"If you're looking for blood, I can get you some. I volunteer at the blood bank once a month," V says absent mindedly as they set the plates on the table. Both men are silent and share looks of worry as V retreats back behind the counter to take the payment of another man.

"Do you think they?" Mark trails off.

"I hope not, but I don't think their brain is completely awake, yet."

"Well, if it is Mark Hoffman and Lawrence Gordon. How's that no good S.O.B., John Kramer doing?"

"Very well, Cheif Erickson," Lawrence answers.

"What a shame," Erickson say shaking his hand and clicking his tongue.

"A shame, sir?" Mark asks. Lawrence looks ready to pounce.

"Yeah, a shame. Once that old geezer kicks the bucket, I'm gonna take that beautiful house that he's turned into a halfway home with your sorry asses and make it my summer home."

"No offense, chief, but you sound like a villain from a children's film," Mark says as he brings his coffee cup to his lips.

"And besides, the house goes to Mark if anything happens to John. So, unless Mark wants to give it up, you're not getting it," Lawrence states defiantly. Erickson glares at him. Mark chuckles as V comes back to the table.

"Everything to your liking, gentlemen?" V asks.

"I believe so, V," Mark answers.

"Can I get you anything else?"

"No thank you," Mark answered again. V nods, writes something down, and places the check on the table. Mark grabs the check and stands. "You know, I think the mayor would love to hear what you've been saying about his dear friend. Don't you think, Cheif?"

Erickson glares as Mark gives him a devilish grin. Lawrence follows Mark up to the counter where V rings them out.

"I'd watch my back if I were you, Hoffman," Erickson says as he leans against the counter

"Is that a threat?" Hoffman raises his eyebrows.

"It's a promise," Erickson says. Mark, Lawrence, and V watch him walk out.

"Wow, what a dick," V says as they open the cash register. "I can be a witness, if you turn him in."

"Thanks, V, we'll keep that in mind," Mark says and gives Lawrence a look. Lawrence nods and takes off his glasses.

"Hey, V," Lawrence calls in his soft voice.

"Yeah?" V asks spinning around and looking at Lawrence, who makes sure that they make eye contact.

"Have a great day," Lawrence says with a smile. V looks almost in a trance until Lawrence breaks eye contact and puts his glasses back on. They shake their head and looks back at Lawrence.

"Yeah, you too," they say, confusion lacing their voice. The men exit the diner and start walking down the road.

"What did you put in their head?"

"What I needed to. They'll help us, though."

"Good. Now, let's go get some blood."

A Little Extra

Deadass. I woke up the other night at like 4am because this idea popped in my head. Would’ve been nice for it to have been a dream but whatever (thanks a lot, subconscious) and I tried to write it instead. For some reason I can’t stop thirsting over Sasha but I also just want to give him a big hug so this ended up manifesting from that. And yes, I know his character is supposed to be a total twat but I still love him. 

So here’s a little Sasha Mann/Reader oneshot that miiiiiight potentionally be more. I have lots of thots. 😇

Fandom: The Affair

Relationship: Sasha Mann//Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+)

Warning: In the realm of smuttiness (basically just some not-so-dry humping)

Word Count: 3,504

~A Little Extra~

You've seen him on set a few times but never had the chance to be properly introduced, and it's not like you can just waltz on up to the lead actor, especially someone with as much prestige as Sasha Mann. No way. At least not when you just got hired fairly recently as an extra for the film. It had been a dream come true to finally be working on a real set in Hollywood and, not to mention, you always did have a little crush on Mr. Mann, so it was just a stroke of luck that you landed the same film.

Oh, how you wished you could go up to him and just say hey or something. Anything for the chance to hear him say your name with that charming accent and smile in that endearingly boyish way of his. But you feared the opportunity may have passed ever since he and that Helen woman split up. You had nothing against her, but the Sasha that walked into work now was a far cry from the man you remembered before the breakup. 

Gone was the sweet and genial man who came in every day with a big grin on his face. Now, however, he was so easily irritated and ill-tempered, snapping at anyone who crossed his path.

He rarely smiled anymore and it saddened you.

Before, Sasha had always been kind to everyone working on set; he would make a point to take time out of his day to greet all of the cast members and crew. On several occasions, he treated the everyone to some wild nights out on the town. You knew the man must make a fortune, being an A-listed actor and all, but even still, catering to a group of fifty or more for all expense-free parties around town must add up eventually. But he never even batted an eye; it seemed like he just loved to see everyone having a good time. All in all, the guy was generally pretty friendly with anyone who crossed his path. At least as far as you could tell, but unfortunately, it didn't seem like that was the case as of late.

"Where the fuck is my coffee? And who the fuck has taken my robe?!" Sasha roared across the room and the chatter quietened a smidge. A few people scurried off while his assistant went over to him with the article of clothing in question.

"The coffee is brewing, sir."

"Brewing? Fucking hell, are you a witch cooking it up in a cauldron, hm? Ever heard of a goddamn Keurig? Well, I'll tell you, it's one of those funny little machines that have a rather conveniently placed button that when pushed, miraculously funnels out the magical fucking coffee!"

Yikes.

"Mr. Mann, it's broken." The guy looked bored with his boss and you had to give it to him for dealing with Sasha's little tantrum. He was acting more and more like a pretentious asshole every day and it was getting old. 

You stood by and casually sipped on your cup of mint tea. They had just finished filming a scene with you somewhere off in the crowd and now you were just relaxing before they called wraps. Not wanting to be anywhere near Mr. Mann’s warpath, you shuffled around them and hoped no one would notice.

The last thing you needed today was to be caught up in that nonsense.

All of a sudden a hand gripped your arm, nearly spilling the tea everywhere, and pulled you in the opposite direction. It was the assistant director and he looked frantic. "Y/N, right? Well Rachel, the lead, you know, she's just called in sick and we have a super strict schedule today and it turns out that you look the part exactly so congrats to you. You get to be one of the big shots for a day! Sex scenes always get the talent agent's attention, so really, you’re probably getting the better end of the deal."

"Excuse me, did you say sex scene?" You stumbled a bit but his iron-like grip kept you upright as he plowed on forward towards the make-up department.

"Yes, you had signed the nudity rider that your agent had sent over to us stating that you would consent to any nude scenes that involved sexual activities, but not the actual act of sex itself, of course. This isn't porn." You begrudgingly remembered a conversation you had with your friend who had been sort of acting as your agent at the time. She insisted that these riders were simply a formality. She assured you that they were usually only for something like a pool party scene that would have you wear a bikini in the background or something of the sort. In this case, it seemed, you were getting the chance to do a sex scene with the main fucking character. "This is a very unique situation; normally we would not ask this of you, but seeing as time is of the essence and we are super behind schedule, we're going to have to make an exception today. Sasha just had to go through a fucking existential crisis in the middle of this movie. Set us back three goddamn weeks. Fucking prima donna."

No lie, though, you weren't even mad, and to refuse such a golden goose of an opportunity would be insanity. So you shook away the shock and squared up your shoulders as you let the man lead you into the makeup department. They touched up your face for the camera, even though no close-ups were going to take place, and fit you with a pair of skin-toned pasties accompanied by matching underwear. 

After you were all dolled up to the assistant director's satisfaction, he unceremoniously dragged you the rest of the way to the set, opened a door, and tossed you into a room.

You tugged the silk robe tighter around your body and looked around warily; the scene had been made up to be like one of those super-cheesy-over-the-top romantic movies. An extravagant bed sat in the middle of the room surrounded by rose petals and candles, which made you a little nervous. It would be just your luck to accidentally knock one over and burn the whole place to the ground.

"Hello, who are you? This is a closed set." Sasha's deep voice cut through your internal monologue causing you to notice his presence and looked up at him. He was tall. Really, really tall. You swallowed thickly.

As he took a step towards you, you instinctually took a step back and then remembered your voice, "I'm Y/N. They told me to come in because Rachel is sick and they really needed someone now and apparently I looked the part…?"

"Of course she is." Sasha rolled his eyes, ignoring your rambling, and huffed in frustration while he dragged a hand through his hair. He wore a matching robe that was untied and hung open shamelessly. You tried not to stare and focused on his face instead. The look in his eye was wild and angry and almost sad but it quickly disappeared after Sasha blinked. You noticed how flawlessly he put back on the mask of a debonaire. "Well, let's get to it then."

With wave of a hand, he turned to shed his robe and you took that as your cue to do the same. When you spun back around, you saw Sasha staring at you for a little longer than what you imagined was normal. He took his time imprinting the image of your nearly nude body in his brain. You could hardly believe it was something to gawk at, not that you were ashamed or anything - you were rather fond of your body and appreciated it. But he was Sasha fucking Mann; he could have anyone he wanted. What made you so special?

"I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing here…" You spoke quietly and Sasha smiled at that, the first you've seen on his face in awhile.

It was a lovely sight.

"It's all very easy, you and I will act like we're having a very romantic affair and they are going to film through the walls." He came closer to you and you couldn't help but smirk a little at the funny cock sock he wore - it looked ridiculous. Clearing his throat, Sasha drew your attention back up to him. "Listen, Y/N, I know this might be a little strange and overwhelming but I promise to be nothing but respectful and professional. If you are in any way uncomfortable, please let me know and we will stop immediately. Okay?"

You couldn't help but nod dumbly, wasn't it just moments ago you were wishing Sasha would simply say hello to you? Now you were about to pretend to have sex with him…on camera.

"Are we - are we going to kiss?"

He chuckled and the sound went straight to your core. It was deep and throaty and you didn't realize sounds could be craved until that very moment. "Yes, some kissing and touching and perhaps a bit of pseudo-cunnilingus; all depends on how much time we have."

"Okay, let's start then." You hoped you didn't sound too eager but the way his smile stretched spoke volumes of your discretion. He called out 'action' but your focus was currently fixated on the way his chest hair traveled down all the way until it disappeared beneath his skin-colored underwear. 

If only you had an unrestricted view.

One of Sasha's impossibly large hands motioned you towards him. You had seen those hands before and appreciated them from the distance, but at this proximity, you carefully took mental notes of all your favorite details. Like how long his spider-like fingers were, how the thick veins protruded from the tops of his hands and ran up his forearms like tantalizing lightning strikes, how the ridges of his knuckles seemed to be chiseled out of stone, and how they all moved together like a symphony of skin that drew you in with a single beckoning curl. "Come here, Y/N."

This man had a magnetic pull that was too strong to resist, so you didn't even try, and easily stepped closer into his embrace. One of those aforementioned hands came up to cup your face. His thumb drew a line from your bottom lip down to the base of your throat and then back up to the curve of your chin. You barely comprehended his other hand clasping around yours and bringing it up to rest on his chest.

You couldn't help but smile while flexing your fingers against his solid body, delighting in the feel of his fur tickling your skin. He took notice of your intrigue and tightened his grip on your jaw, smiling when you inhaled sharply. 

Those long fingers reached across your waist, slightly digging into the supple flesh, and his thumb drew small circles along the hipbone.

Moving closer, you brought your other hand up and dove it into his thick expanse of hair. It was just as soft as you had imagined however many countless times before, but the sensation of feeling the silky locks sift through your fingers was far better than anything you could have made up. 

The butterflies in your belly were throwing a rager.

It may have been just your imagination, but you could have sworn that he leaned ever so slightly into your touch. That vulnerable look flashed again in his eyes but when he blinked, it was replaced by hunger. Those dark brown orbs stared right through your soul as Sasha slowly brought his lips down to meet yours.

This was not how you pictured your workday going and, if you were being perfectly honest, you figured it was all a dream of which you would be woken up from very soon. So why not enjoy it while it lasted? You ignored the blaring sirens that rang in your head that told you to be conscious of the dozen people watching your every move. Fuck 'em.

If they wanted a show, that's what they were going to get.

Throwing caution to the wind, you happily sank into the pillowy softness of his lips. His eyes were locked on your facial expressions and you gave up trying to maintain eye-contact the moment his velvet tongue teased open your lips.

There was no battle for dominance; you were willing and ply and perfectly content with letting him take the reins. His kisses were gentle at first but quickly grew deeper and more desperate.

The grip he had on your waist tightened considerably as he pulled you closer and then slid his hand up, spreading those fingers wide along the space between your shoulder blades. 

Sasha pulled his lips away from your mouth and began to drag them across to your neck, angling your head for better access. His breath was hot and heavy in your ear, "Arch your back a bit," his hand guided your body so that your breasts more firmly pressed up against his chest. He cooed, "Just like that, yes, good girl."

You couldn't help but moan at his words and it seemed to fuel the fire. He groaned loudly in return and devoured your mouth with a new fervor. 

Suddenly, both of his hands were cupping your ass and he lifted you up effortlessly. You immediately wrapped your legs around his waist as he took a few steps towards the bed.

"Watch out for the candles." You gasped at the movement and gripped his shoulders to steady yourself.

There was that damn chuckle again, "No need to, they're fake."

Before you could even think about his response, Sasha caught your lips again with another searing kiss. The second his tongue lapped against yours, all coherent thoughts escaped your mind.

Not breaking the kiss, he held your body against him as he delicately lowered the both of you onto the mattress. The weight of him tucked in-between your legs and pressed against you was utterly divine; you wished to never be bereft of the feeling again.

He grasped both of your wrists with one large hand and pinned them above your head. Your body writhed beneath his and caused a low growl to emanate from his chest. You felt the vibration travel across his skin and couldn't help but grin against his lips. Briefly, you wondered if this was at all affecting him the way it was you or if he was really that good of an actor.

Well, there certainly was a way you could find out.

At once, you gently sunk your teeth into his bottom lip, and, while using the leverage of his weight firmly pressing your hands above your head, you rolled your hips up to meet his. 

Sasha’s reaction did not disappoint.

"Oh, fuck." Those big beautiful brown eyes slid close as his body shuddered. He buried his face in the junction of your neck and panted against the sensitive skin. The evidence of his arousal was rather obvious now as you felt it pressed ardently against the inside of your thigh. He canted his hips and, with a grunt, gave a sharp thrust. "You're doing so very well."

Hearing your gasp, Sasha brought his lips back up to meet yours and the two of you began to set a pace. It became a blur of frantic grinding and clawing and teeth and skin and lips and tongue and sweat and saliva. He was everywhere at once; you could do nothing but hang on to the wrist that anchored you down and enjoy the ride.

You realized that the line of professionalism between the two of you had been long since crossed, but you could not have cared any less. The shocks that shot up your spine every time he rocked into you told you that you were completely and utterly fucked…or at least that was the sweet redemption you prayed for.

Sasha seemed to feel the same as he stroked your side all the way down to the curve of your ass and then brought his hand back up to palm your breast. 

Knowing that your panties were sopping wet and he was sliding his hardness along your slit made you let out a long moan to which he returned with another nice, hard thrust.

Instantly, you saw stars.

"Oh god, Sa-Sasha, I think…I think I'm going to-" You breathed the words in-between his relentless kisses but he paid no mind to your concern. If anything, it seemed to spur him on even more. 

The flimsy fabric between the two of you could barely even act as a barrier; his cock felt hard and hot as he rutted against you with abandon and you could feel the tension begin to boil over. You could focus on nothing besides the raw, wicked feeling of Sasha Mann enveloping your every sensation. Bright lights exploded in your field of vision as he sent you spiraling blissfully over the edge.

Your moans and sighs filled the room as your back arched, pressing yourself even closer to him. Sasha released your hands and instead curled an arm under your waist to hoist you up for a better angle. You immediately dragged your fingers across his scalp and held onto him as if your life depended on it. 

After a few more short, frantic thrusts, his whole body tensed and he pulled you tightly against him. Sasha groaned lowly in your ear and buried his face in the crook of your neck as he came.

All you could hear above your heart pounding was the mix of panting breaths as the two of you tried to maintain control of your breathing. 

After a moment, Sasha lifted his head to look you in the eye, and what you saw nearly broke your heart. His face was riddled with guilt.

"Y/N…" He started and then licked his lips, not quite knowing what to say, "I'm so sorry, I-"

The door to the room burst open and the two of you looked over with equally dazed expressions, feeling like two teenagers caught in the act. You had nearly forgotten where you were when you saw the assistant director standing there.

"Hey guys, we called cut like five minutes ago. Time to wrap up for the day." He said and gave you two a weird look.

"Oh, good. Well, thanks for letting us know, we'll be out in a minute." Sasha forced a smile and waved the other man away. The guy took that as his cue and closed the door behind him.

Awkward.

You turned your gaze back to the man above you, but he refused to meet your eye.

He began to ramble, but you were irritated with how he adamantly kept his head turned to the side. "I’m sorry, Y/N, this was completely inappropriate and I should have never let this get out of hand. I really fucked up and you have every right to -" 

You were having none of it and cut him off, reaching up to cup his cheek and gently forcing him to make eye-contact. The raw guilt and sadness that was written all over his beautiful face felt like a knife to your gut and you wanted nothing more than to make it go away.

"Hey, don't…it's okay, Sasha. There is no reason for you to apologize. I mean, I enjoyed that quite a lot." You smiled up at him and smoothed out some of the crinkles in his brow with the pad of your thumb, "Did you?"

He contemplated you quietly for a moment and his silence was starting to make you nervous. Did you read the situation wrong? Was this all a mistake? Were you going to be thrown off the set for violating the lead actor? A barrage of anxious thoughts and self-conscious questions ran through your mind at alarming speeds and every second of silence was torturous.

Until that warm beam of a smile broke across his face and it felt like sunshine on your heart.

"Yes, very much so." As he spoke, those big brown eyes searched yours for permission before he leaned down and delivered a sweet little kiss to your lips. Sasha tucked some hair behind your ear and cocked his head down at you, grinning easily, "Now how about we get cleaned up and I can take you out to dinner?"

"That sounds wonderful."

~~~

Taglist (just a few who I thought might be interested - message me if you want to be added or removed!) :

@festering-queen​ @vissidarte213​ @moony691​ @allis143​ @apocalypsenowish​ @torntaltos​ @hoefordarkness​ @thebeautyofdisorder​ @chrsitophwaltz​ @guardianbelle​ @gabesprincess​ @hiphop-gir​ @hyacinth-meadow​ @undead-notunreasonable​ 

Greetings tumblr. Let’s do a little update, with pictures since these things are usually just a wall of text.

I guess the curve is being flattened and the rate of new people getting infected with the ‘rona isn’t going up as fast in the last week. You’d think people would be like, “Yay, go us!” But instead you’ve got a bunch of crazy white people gathering **in large groups** to protest that they want stay at home restrictions lifted already. This is why we can’t have nice things. 

On the opposite end, I am happy to report the lady on Twitter that I’d been following because I did a transcription file about her and later found out got sick with covid is still alive and posting, so that’s good.

I just did another file this evening that was a financial podcast from Singapore. He had an interesting accent, a combination of Asian and British, which would make sense I guess, because colonialism. He said the town he’s from has a program where some people donated their old fridges, and the city council put them around town and people donate food for people who need it by just leaving it in the fridge. It’s things like meat and produce, and a lot of fisherman put fish they’ve caught in it. A nice idea, I thought.

My hamstrings are sore because I did a bunch of bending over yesterday, pulling weeds in the garden and planting some flowers in pots. I had planned to go to Home Depot but then decided I didn’t want to get into the mess of standing in line with a bunch of people, but then I remembered the local nursery on the way to my house so I stopped there. Less crowded and supporting local business at the same time - yay!

Here’s one of the pretty plants I got, and you can see another in the background. The deck looks a little more springy now. Unfortunately ants had colonized the underside of the planters and there was all kinds of white larvae and stuff, yuck.

Here’s a chunky boi we found hanging out in the shed. This was yesterday, and today we found that he was still there looking like he hadn’t moved a muscle. Hopefully he’s just chilling and not dying. :-/

I was doing decently on my diet this week and I’ve managed to fall halfway off again. I ended up weighing after I’d been peeing a lot for a few days and I was at 296.6, so I had probably edged up over 300 at some point. Then of course these last couple days I’ve had some things I shouldn’t have. I hate myself so much.

Earlier this week I decided to try to make my own sugar free iced chai latte. At coffee places you can’t get these without sugar, because the drink is made by adding chai syrup to milk, whether hot or cold, and the syrup already has the sugar added. So I brewed some double strength tea using chai teabags, and then two packets per serving of the pumpkin spice flavor of these Equal packets (which I found on clearance and bought a shit ton of):

Plus a couple spoons of erythritol per serving, and then put it in the fridge to chill. Later I mixed it 1:1 with milk and poured over a little ice - it was *awesome*.

I went out to pick up some bbq for the family today and my throat started feeling scratchy. I’m hoping it’s just allergies again, but of course I worry. I haven’t taken any allergy pills the last few days but I just took one a bit ago, hopefully I’ll wake up tomorrow feeling better.

And finally, my sister’s baby shower is next weekend, which will be happening virtually over Zoom, I guess. I had to go ahead and order some stuff off her registry, and then I couldn’t help but buy a couple outfits as well. She’s a huge Gilmore Girls fan, so I ordered one of these:

From Cafe Press. I love the little drawing and how it looks like it’s really for a kid, where a lot of Gilmore’s merchandise doesn’t really. It almost looks like a poodle Dr. Seuss would draw. I also got this one:

I also liked this one, featuring some ballet dancers and the words “Miss Patty’s School of Ballet - Hands in the air, not in the nose!” But I had to stop somewhere and these two outfits were like $50 with shipping, and she’s probably going to grow out of them at the speed of light. 

I found this one on a listicle of Gilmore baby merchandise, but the listing on Etsy appears to no longer be available. I wouldn’t have gotten it, but I do like it. It says “Proud product of Miss Patty’s Founder’s Day punch.”

Okay, I guess it’s time for bed. Or, it’s time for me to go lay in bed and look at my phone for an hour before going to sleep, anyway.

When Adolf Hitler came to power in Germany on Jan. 30, 1933, he gained the authority to implement his racist ideology toward Germany’s Jews, who then numbered 535,000 out of a general population of 67 million. After the Reichstag (parliament) elections on March 5, the new German government removed the constraints on violence against Jews, and assaults and vicious beatings of Jews in the streets of major German cities by Nazi thugs became commonplace. Within months, the Nazi government issued numerous decrees and regulations that effectively removed Jews from German economic life and the professions, the goal being to force the Jews to leave Germany.

German Jews reacted to these developments with shock and disbelief. Diaries and memoirs record their distress and utter bewilderment. Another primary source is the private letters that German Jews sent to relatives living abroad. These letters express the reactions and emotions of men and women to the horrifying events unfolding around them daily. One rarely used such resource is the letters written by German B’nai B’rith (Sons of the Covenant) members to relatives in the United States. Many of these letters were forwarded to B’nai B’rith’s international headquarters in Cincinnati, where they remain part of the organization’s archives.

Jewish men established the German B’nai B’rith in Berlin 1882 to combat a rising tide of anti-Semitism among the populace and in fraternal organizations. From 1882 onward, most German B’nai B’rith members belonged to business, industry, and the legal and medical professions. In general, B’nai B’rith members represented the most influential element within European Jewish society, and many of the leading personalities in Jewish life were members. At the time of the Berlin lodge’s founding, the largest and wealthiest German Jewish elite lived in Berlin and occupied an important position in the city’s cultural and intellectual life. By 1925, Germany contained 107 B’nai B’rith lodges with over 15,000 members.

While all German Jews reacted to these events with alarm and incredulity, the elite of the community experienced an especially deep dismay, having assumed that their economic and social position and contributions to German life and culture would shield them from danger. B’nai B’rith members came from this class, and many of them wrote personal and emotional letters describing the nightmare they found themselves in to family members living in the United States. The letters movingly express the consternation and terror the writers felt as the world they knew collapsed.

...On April 2, 1933, the wife of another Berlin physician and B’nai B’rith member wrote to a relative in the United States movingly describing what she witnessed during the April 1 national boycott against Jews in Germany and her reaction and emotions regarding what she saw.

I will try to give you an idea of my experiences of yesterday—Saturday, April 1st….I have had many experiences in my life, but nothing I have ever gone thru can compare with this Nazi boycott in retaliation of “the atrocity propaganda”  against Germans. No blood was shed, that is true, but the humiliation to the Jews—the absolute helplessness of their position—the cowardliness of these brutes in carrying out to the last vestage [sic], the most intimate details on orders from above (Goebbels and Goerring [sic]) beggars description.  

I wanted to see for myself just what was happening and so went down the Kurfurstendam [sic]–a street much like 5th Ave. in N.Y.—very long, block after block of both large and small exclusive shops interspersed by large coffee houses and movies. Here on a Sat. afternoon it is a sort of promenade and window-shopping, but the site that met one’s eyes yesterday! On the large windows of all shops bearing even the semblance of a Jewish name these brown shirts had pasted plain colored posters about 3 feet long bearing the words, “Deutsche Whart Euch—Kauft nicht bei Juden” (Germans beware do not buy from Jews). On office buildings where Jewish lawyers, notaries, or doctors have their small signs … they smeared over the signs of the Jews and pasted smaller placards. “Jews—geht nicht hier” (Jews—do not enter)….

These young devils like a lot of hungry wolves let loose … with buckets filled with red paint and with large paint brushes, rushed from one shop window to another and not satisfied with having put huge posters against the Jews thereon, printed in huge letters at the side of the posters JUDE [underlined in the original]. These were followed by other troops with white paint buckets who hastily painted a large Shield of David [underlined in the original] on the same windows. It was a concerted action, completely organized so that one atrocity followed upon the other. Up and down these devils flew, across the wide streets over to the opposite side while the crowds of people (there was scarcely a Jew to be seen on the streets, they were mostly at home, being afraid to venture out), looked on, some with serious faces—many (and mostly the bourgeois type, the kind of women one could imagine in France during the revolution) grinning and smiling approvingly as though it was a huge joke! Can you imagine my feeling? Large shops and small ones, shops that no one ever knew that they were owned by Jews… lace houses that have been in the same shops for 50 years—coffee houses and fine restaurants. Hundreds and hundreds of stores, delicatessen shops, the finest Berlin has, were all, without exception smeared up in this way. And what a sight! And what deep misery in the wake of this dastardly, cowardly outbreak. On some stores which from the name one would never think owned by Jews they had smeared “Geborener Jude” [born a Jew]. And on many, oh so many, in large white letters they printed “Ich bein Jude” [I am a Jew]… Well, my dears, my heart ached and bled and it was all I could do to keep the tears back. … Throughout the entire breath and length of this long, long, Kurfurstendam [sic] we never saw one single policeman [underlined in the original], not one officer of the law to protect any outrage that might have occurred. … Can you imagine a civilized land condoning such atrocities? Can you imagine in the twentieth century that troops of young snips should have the right to perpetuate such horrible deeds as the smearing of respectable shops with all these dirty epithets? Juda-Juda everywhere. Kauft nicht bei Juden-kauft nur bei Deutsche. (Don’t buy from Jews buy only from Germans).

...And then, when one thought they had finished with their dirty work—to see them wild with glee and victory heaped upon helpless Jews, (and oh how helpless) this handful of people is against the infamous mob backed by the government of tyrants and Jew haters—to add the finishing touch—the Shield of David painted in white on all the windows. Well, that Shield has led Jews throughout centuries and protected them from greater atrocities than those that are being heaped on them today by this barbarous country…. God has never left us yet and my faith in Him has never been shaken.

The blood-thirsty army which Hitler and his cohorts have been building up have had their first outlet. … The protests of the Jews in the foreign countries played right into their hands and they used their already prepared and fully organized “boycott” as THEIR protest to the lies [underlined in the original] about Germany which, as they claimed, the Jews [underlined in the original] over here broadcast. These demons say, “this is your own work—now take your medicine.” … I am now worried until Pesach is over, for I can’t help thinking, in the face of the placards announcing that the Jews need Christian blood for the Passover feast, that some horrible thing is brewing. Let us hope not. I also am afraid now as many others are, of confiscation of the property belonging to the Jews… I doubt if anything I have written you in such minute detail will come into the press, and that is why I have written my personal account of it.

...As all the letters indicate, by the end of April 1933 few Jewish members of the middle and upper middle classes had any illusions that conditions under the Nazis would improve. With hindsight, we know that the Jewish situation only worsened. But none of the letter writers could have imagined that in 10 years they or their families would be reduced to ashes by a state-run industrial killing machine and that the long continuum of Jewish life in Germany would be broken.

St. Catherine of Vadstena

Or, Desperate Measures

Summary: Shunned by her lover, driven away by her family, offered a divorce by her husband, Alexandrina turns to the Seamstress for help.

Rating: T -  Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.

Mentions of abortion. Reader discretion is advised.

Words: 1516

Notes: This makes a whole more lot sense if you read St. Paul or, How the Ladies Take Their Tea in Grover and St. Catherine of Alexandria or, The Piety of the Seamstress first, but you should get it just fine without.

St. Catherine of Vadstena is the patron saint of protection against (natural) abortion, but since voluntary abortion is forbidden by the Catholic Church since 1588, I had to make a bit of a stretch to find a saint.

Be as it may, I hope you enjoy it!

“Noticing that frequently by various Apostolic Constitutions the audacity and daring of most profligate men, who know no restraint, of sinning with license against the commandment ‘do not kill’ was repressed; We who are placed by the Lord in the supreme throne of justice, being counseled by a most just reason, are in part renewing old laws and in part extending them in order to restrain with just punishment the monstrous and atrocious brutality of those who have no fear to kill most cruelly fetuses still hiding in the maternal viscera.

Who will not detest such an abhorrent and evil act, by which are lost not only the bodies but also the souls? Who will not condemn to a most grave punishment the impiety of him who will exclude a soul created in the image of God and for which Our Lord Jesus Christ has shed His precious Blood, and which is capable of eternal happiness and is destined to be in the company of angels, from the blessed vision of God, and who has impeded as much as he could the filling up of heavenly mansions, and has taken away the service to God by His creature?”

~ Effraenatam (Papal Bull), Pope Sixtus V, 1588

In Grovershire, within walking distance from the county town, there was a small, simple farmstead, not unlike many others on the sides of the road. What set it apart from all others, however, is that its owner, a certain Mary Beauchamp, a woman famed for her ability to make things disappear.

For Alexandrina, right now, that is all she needed.

She arrived at the house on a rental carriage, dressed on a thick cape, unusual for the summer weather, and carrying a single suitcase.

The front door opened wide for her to come in. Mary needed no further explanation; she knew why that woman came to her house.

“Sit down.” The matron pointed her a cosy armchair. “I will brew you some tea. Would you like some biscuits to go with?”

“No, thank you, madam.” The blonde aristocrat shakes her head softly. “I am too nauseous from the trip.”

Mary suppresses a smile. “Best get used to it.”

The proprietor serves the hot beverage and, while the visitor sips the cup, she inquires, “How far along are you?”

“Six weeks, I assume.” She responds quietly, and then proceeds to the calculations, “The last time I have been with him was April, and I have not bled in May.”

“Some women bleed into pregnancy, miss. ‘Tis not a reliable method of assessing your condition.” The older woman lectures. “You have been with a man regularly in March?”

“Since February.” Her cheeks tint as she thinks of the occasion. “I stopped going to my husband’s bed in October last, and then I met…” She stops on her tracks.

“Do not fret, child. I understand.” Mary smiled softly. “You seem not to have gotten pregnant in February, your stomach is yet to show. How many times have you adjusted your dresses?”

“Once, madam.” She responded. “Last week.”

“I see. Well, I would say you are six to ten weeks along. Which is very good for us, it gives us options.”

Mary stood from her own seat by Alexandrina and walked to the mantle, taking a rather large wooden box. She returns to her seat and places the box on the coffee table and opens it softly.

“Those are herbs used on restellism procedures.” She explains. “They have many uses, and they have many methods through which they terminate a pregnancy. As such, they have varying degrees of dangers associated to them.”

At the mention of the risks, the blonde woman’s cheeks paled.

“Do not worry, as I said you are in luck. Your pregnancy is still early, your child still does not have a placenta.” She picks up a sheaf of dried leaves. “For you, I would recommend this one. It forces your monthly blood. It should expel the baby with it.”

Mary places it on her hands, and Alexandrina admires the herbal medicine, its texture and smell.

“Will I have to eat it?” She enquires, curiously.

“No, we brew a tea with it. It is rather bitter, but we sweeten with honey.” The madam explains. “Of course, the hard part is not drinking it. It will cause severe cramps and bleeding, but you should be fine in three days.”

The young woman drops it like it is hot. “Oh, God.”

“There is another option, of course.” Mary argues. “We can carry it to term. You can stay here in the house, we would care for your health and, when the day comes, I will deliver it and arrange for a quiet adoption. It, however, is going to cost you a pretty penny.”

“I do not have much cash. I carry only some jewellery I could hide on my suitcase, and I will need it for… after.” She informed.

“Well, there is a third alternative.” The matron says, thoughtful. “You can write your husband a letter, pleading for him to take you back, at least for the duration of your pregnancy. I can go there, deliver it and reason with him.”

“I suppose that would be the best…” The blonde argues. “Very well, where do I find paper and ink?”

“My daughter Susan will show you to your room and provide everything you need for your stay.” Mary smiled. “Write the letter, and after, try to have some rest. I am certain I can wear him down to a reasonable arrangement.”

“How can you be so certain?” She asks, legitimately doubting it.

Mary limits herself to chuckle. “Because you are on my living room and not rotting on a prison cell.”

It was nightfall, Mary had left with the letter hours ago and should not return before noon the next day.

Despite the recommendation for bed rest, Alexandrina was feeling too energetic, too anxious to sleep.

Suddenly, a knock on the door and Susan walks into the room, carrying with her a trail with a bowl of supper.

“I brought you supper, Mrs Sinclaire,” She says. “And a book, too. You ought to carve a hole on the floor walking back and forth that much.”

The blonde stops short of her pacing and looks at the young girl sheepishly. “I apologize. I am feeling rather nervous.”

“It is nothing I have not seen before.” The other responds, placing the tray on the bedside table. “Many women in your situation have come here in search of help; some were told off by their husbands and cast away from society, but most were taken back by their families. I trust my mother will find a way for you.”

“Oh, easy for you to say!” Alexandrina argues, beyond herself. “I could very well be one of the exiled.”

The brunette toots. “Well, you know your husband better than any one of us. Is he a good man?”

That was an easy question. “Yes.” For all his boring personality, Ernest was the best man she ever knew.

“Does he care you?” She continues.

That was a harder one. “He used to… before all this….”

“No matter, if he cared if ever so slightly, and if his intent is good, he will take you back.” Susan states, firmly. “Now, eat. I will bring you another candle, it is probably going to be a sleepless night for you.”

As Susan predicted, Alexandrina did not sleep a single moment in the night, having perused the entirety of the book procured for her.

Les Liaisons Dangereuses, it was the title of the novel, as the brunette argued it would be beneficial for her to have some exposure to self-reliant women, even if only characters on a libel.

The morning brought Mary with a carriage, instructed to take Alexandrina back to Ledford Park. Mr Sinclaire had agreed to give her shelter for the entirety of her pregnancy, and would consider assuming the child and providing for them both afterwards.

Before leaving, Alexandrina cried and hugged both women, rejoicing the shift on her luck and blessing them both for taking her in on her time of need. As a token of gratitude, she had gifted them with a beautiful diamond necklace, that Mary hid under the floorboards, to use in case of emergency.

There were good times and bad times for the Beauchamps following the departure of Alexandrina, but there was never a day in which they were so desperate as in to retrieve the necklace.

They caught wind of her death, and Mary lightened a candle for her soul, so she and her child be received in the Lord’s graces and unbound forgiveness.

So, one day, years later, Susan took it with her to dinner at the Sinclaire’s London townhouse. Covertly, she took it out of her dress and hid it between two books on their library, while Ernest retrieved a Shakespeare poetry collection.

It was only fair, Susan chuckles to herself as she thinks about it, she was about to steal the dead woman’s husband, best to return her prized necklace.

Taglist: @catlady0911; @mrsernestsinclaire; @snickette; @tornbetween2loves

ASK THE SEXPERTS UK: 10 Scientific Answers To Your Most Embarrassing Questions

Everything you've ever wanted to know... and some stuff you definitely didn't The internet is a godsend for the shy and awkward among us. The human body is cool and all, but it's also squishy and icky and disgusting and we're all told on no uncertain terms that we're not supposed to talk about things. Nobody likes airing their dirty laundry, apart from those people who volunteer to get their bits smirked at on Embarrassing Bodies in exchange for their 15 minutes of fame, and old Uncle Google has done a lot to help. Just imagine having some kind of horribly distasteful question back in the olden days - what did you do? Ask the boot-faced librarian to point you to the flatulence section? We now live in a more enlightened age where we can Google all manner of mortifying questions and concerns from the safety of incognito mode, and still look our co workers in the eye on Monday. So, let's pull up the big-boy pants and get a bit frank about some of the more unsavoury aspects of our human flesh-mobiles. 10 - WHY DOES COFFEE MAKE YOU POOP? Chances are, half of you will have read that heading and known exactly what it means, the other half will have a blank expression on your face, but for a section of the population, their morning cup o' Joe gets more than just their brains moving. According to one study, around one third of participants asked experienced coffee's laxative effects but, so far, we can only make an educated guess as to why. A study, carried out by S. R. Brown and P.A. Cann, (really), that coffee promotes the production of peptide hormone called gastrin. This increases the motor activity in the colon, or in other words, squeezes the poop out. Interestingly, it appears that it's not actually the caffeine in coffee that is to blame, as decaffeinated coffee has virtually the same effect, but the active ingredient still eludes scientists. 9 - IS HOLDING IN YOUR WEE BAD FOR YOU It's not exactly comfortable, but could ignoring nature's call actually do you harm? Yes it could, but it probably won't, is the answer. For those of you who like to have their worst nightmares confirmed, the bladder can actually explode, when this happens, the reservoir of urine will usually flood the abdominal cavity and can medical intervention drain it. No need to go running off to the bathroom quite yet though, as this usually only happens when the poor, unfortunate patient is physically unable to pee, such as in the case of some cancers of following surgery. The good news is that most people will usually wet themselves before things get to this stage, making it probably the only instance in which peeing your pants is probably the best possible outcome. Although your abdomen is unlikely to go pop on long car journeys, it is still not advisable to hold it in too much as this can lead to infections. Not meaning to sound like your mum or anything, but it's always best to 'have a try' anyway. 8 - WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NORMAL SWEAT AND BO? Why is it that some people can emerge from a workout with an odourless glow, and some people can end up smelling like they've just spent six months living under a teenage boy's bed? Well, it's all down to where you're sweating from. You have two different types of sweat glands, eccrine or apocrine, Eccrine sweat is mostly made up of water, with some electrolytes such as potassium and sodium and a teeny tiny bit of fat. This kind of sweat is produced as part of your body's cooling system, either when you're mid-beast-mode at the gym, or curled up in a toasty blanket fort. This kind of sweat doesn't really smell all that much and provided you shower, you won't produce body odour. Apocrine sweat, however, is a different story. Your apocrine sweat glands are located wherever hair is abundant on your body, and these glands secrete a mixture of sweat and sebum, loaded with proteins, lipids and steroids. This secretion is also odourless to begin with but, unfortunately, the bacteria that live on your skin just can't get enough of the stuff, and it's contact with these bacteria that produces the familiar BO aroma. Unfortunately, how much apocrine sweat you produce is largely down to genetics, with the addition of some environmental factors such as weight, but regular washing should be enough to keep it under control for most people. Those areas with more hair or more erm, folds, are likely to exacerbate it as the hair traps more dirt, oil and dead skin. 7 - WHY DO WE LIKE THE SMELL OF OUR OWN FARTS? Oh don't act all coy, because you know you do it too - and scientists have actually confirmed in double blind studies that people really do prefer to preview what they brewed, but why should that be? No, it's not that your farts just smell better than everyone else's, it's all to do with the way your body processes threats, and your disgust response is basically your first line of defence against infection and disease. Generally speaking, the bad smells = biohazard and farts are no different as they can contain poop particles containing bacteria that can cause tonsillitis, impetigo and flesh-eating disease. This isn't much of a problem for those knicker-wearing modern folk, but back in the old days when we were all running around in the nip, a fart could pose a serious threat. The reason that you don't find your own farts as disgusting as other people's is because they're a part of you, and the bacteria in your gut is unique to you and will produce a signature scent - your more inclined to like your odours because they are familiar to you. Similarly, you'll be more tolerant of your own body odour and mothers are more tolerant of their offspring's' many excretions to allow them to care for them properly. ASAPScience discuss this important issue in more detail here. 6 - WHY SOME GUYS CAN'T GROW BEARDS? Beards are traditionally a sign of virile masculinity whether or not we have reached peak-beard yet. This is understandably distressing for the many men who find themselves unable to produce a convincing crop of facial fur. Beard growth begins in adolescence and doesn't finish maturing until the early to mid-twenties, so there might still be hope for you young'uns out there. The face-fun begins as levels of testosterone skyrocket during puberty, causing the fine hair on a boy's face to grow thicker and darker. It's not necessarily a case of high or low testosterone levels, beard and non-beard growers have been found to have similar levels of testosterone, but it seems to be down to how sensitive you are to testosterone. This is a bit of a double-edged sword however, because high sensitivity to testosterone - whilst it may produce a magnificent beard - can also lead to male pattern baldness. 5 - WHAT CAUSES DANDRUFF? There are many reasons that people think are the cause of dandruff, whether it be stress, diet, washing hair too much, or not washing it enough, but, whilst some of these can exacerbate that little flurry of shoulder-snow, none of them are actually the root cause of it. So in more slightly stomach-churning news, it turns out that dandruff is caused by a fungus that lives on your scalp, and this fungus known as Malassezia Globosa, is similar to yeast, but lives on the scalp because it just can't get enough of your oily hair. Malassezia Globosa uses enzymes to feed off the sebum secreted by your skin, but this process produces a substance called oleic acid, which some people are sensitive to. This will cause certain people's immune systems to kick into overdrive, ramping up the skin-shedding to max levels - so whilst everyone has the fungus, only some people will suffer from dandruff. So, what can you do? Pollution is thought to make it worse, so a hat or a headscarf might do the trick, but sunlight is also thought to combat it, so take it off when the sun comes out. Most anti-dandruff shampoos will simply wash the dandruff out of your hair by exfoliating the scalp, but it won't tackle the root of the problem. If your dandruff is making you particularly miserable, then the best thing to do is to use an antifungal shampoo and exterminate the blighters. Shampoos containing ketoconazole should do the trick, although Malassezia Globosa can develop a resistance, so use it sparingly, and in the long term, those lovely people over at Head and Shoulders have actually managed to sequence the DNA of the fungus in the hope that it will lead to a once-and-for-all treatment for dandruff. 4 - WHAT IS MORNING WOOD? It's generally always been thought that your morning glory is caused by the need to pee, it's thought that this is the body's way of safeguarding against wetting the bed, as an erection will inhibit the ability to pee, even if you can get the angles right. This isn't the full story, because for a start, you don't generally get pee-boners any other time of the day, even if you've desperately been trying to hold it til you reach the toilet. According to one study for the Society for Endocrinology, morning wood could well be the penile equivalent of your chap twiddling it's things. Normally, throughout the day, your brain is always keeping the little guy in check, to ensure he doesn't go rogue, however, when you enter REM sleep at night, (rapid-eye movement), the noradrenergic cells responsible for inhibiting erections are switched off, pretty much leaving your little head to do it's own thinking. You'll be surprised to learn that all a penis really wants to do is stand to attention. This will usually happen multiple times through a night, but you only notice the one you wake up with - the morning gory. Combine this with the fact that most people wake up needing to pee and that the erection will usually go down in the time it takes for you to go to the bathroom, you'll be forgiven for thinking it's just cos your bladders full. Either that, or just due tot hat dream you were having - you know, the one you wake up from and immediately try to go back to sleep again to finish it off... 3 - CAN PLUCKING A HAIRY MOLE GIVE YOU SKIN CANCER? People are often wary of moles, and understandably so, as it's normal to be wary of something that can suddenly kill you for no reason. However, this means that all kinds of scare stories and old wives' takes around them, one of which is that you should never pluck a hair from a mole, unless it turns you on like a jealous dragon guarding its treasure, and gives you skin cancer. Fortunately, this is probably not true, and most medical professionals will tell you that you can pretty much do what you want with your moles - pluck them, shave them, join them, all together with a full-body-dot-to-dot tattoo - they won't magically transform into a melanoma. Chances are, this myth is a classic example of confirmation bias, because moles often seem to turn on their owners for no good reason, people will scrabble around for some kind of casual relationship between their actions and the melanoma, naking the link with plucking where there isn't one. Moles will turn malignant if there is a chance to their cells, which plucking won't cause, but something like sunburn will. So, if you're going to do anything to your moles, put sun-cream on them. 2 WHY ARE NIPPLES A DIFFERENT COLOUR? Most people know by now why men have nipples, the internet has had that one covered for a while, buy why exactly are they such a funny colour? It was thought for a long time that the darker colour was to make it easier for a baby to find it for milk-extraction purposes, but this theory was largely guesswork and has a couple of gaping holes in it, the best of which being that babies' eyesight is so bad that they probably can't even see a nipple three inches from their nose. Also, there's no other animal that does this and bottle fed babies don't appear to struggle with finding the teat of a bottle. The darker colour of the nipples and areola is all down to hormones, and during puberty, the flood of oestrogen and testosterone causes the body to produce more melanin, which is the pigment that gives everything from hair colour to freckles. This is also why the penis and labia darken during puberty, and it's even why many fair-haired children grow up to be brunettes. The likelihood is that this is just another one of those things that signals that the individual is reaching sexual maturity and is capable of having lots of sex and babies, because, this is what it's all about, evolutionary speaking. As a general rule though, there's a strong genetic trait involved, and it's probably got something to do with bonking. 1 - WHAT IS SQUIRTING? Did you know or were you were aware that female ejaculation is banned from all UK porn? While there is a fair amount of confusion as to why this particular act was banned, with many people viewing it as an attack on female pleasure, the official reason for the ban is all to do with what 'squirting' actually is, because, it's peeing. 'Water sports' is the act of urinating on one another for sexual gratification, (also known as golden showers), are also banned from British porn, and squirting falls well within this category. There is much debate as to what is actually happening when some women release a torrent of fluid at the point of climax, so some plucky scientists took it upon themselves to investigate this mysterious substance and set up a sexy experiment to take a good look. Women were asked to provide a urine sample and then completely empty their bladders before chasing that orgasm, and a pelvic scan confirmed that the bladder was indeed empty at the beginning of the experiment, but a second scan which was performed just before the point of orgasm (because there are no two words in the English language sexier than 'pelvic scan') and hey presto, the bladder was magically full once more. At the moment of climax, the squirted liquid was collected and the pelvis scanned again and the bladder was once again bare of liquid, leading the scientists to believe this was pee. The thing is, there is actually a much closer female equivalent to ejaculate, a milky white fluid produced by the Skene glands, and seeing as this doesn't seem to fall under the 'watersports' bracket, then it's probably still allowed in porn. It's a bit less exciting that the urinal pyrotechnics of talented squirters, so it may not catch on. Read the full article

Physical Fitness For Your Way Of Living.

Way Of Life Health And Wellness & Physical Fitness Collection.

Content

Group Exercise.

Essential Educating Variables.

Pilates Vs Yoga: The Differences And What'S Right For You.

Just How Do I Produce My Own Workout Plan?

Slope Strolling Vs Running.

Noom.

Team Workout.

Nonetheless, the adverse impacts of adding harmful active ingredients like artificial lotion as well as sugar surpass these favorable results. However, commercially made pizzas also occur to be really undesirable.

Crucial Educating Variables.

They're located in some margarines and also spreads as well as likewise frequently contributed to packaged foods, but many food producers have actually stopped utilizing them. Though losing 20 extra pounds can feel like a major difficulty, it can be done rapidly and safely by making a couple of straightforward adjustments to your diet plan and way of life. Strolling, running, leaping rope, rowing and also boxing are some simple and satisfying cardio workouts that can amp up weight-loss. Cardio, also called cardiovascular exercise, is a type of physical activity that enhances your heart price and helps enhance your heart and lungs. Staying responsible to your weight loss objectives is key to long-lasting success.

If you implement a handful of these pointers, you'll be well on your method to your weight reduction goals. Whey protein is readily available at the majority of health stores and also online. If you experience subduing cravings and also can not appear to curb your eating despite exactly how tough you try, you may suffer from dependency. Studies reveal that inadequate rest is one of the best risk variables for obesity, as it's connected to an 89% enhanced risk of obesity in children as well as 55% in adults.

Obtaining sufficient exercise is additionally an important consider keeping your digestive tract habits regular. You might see that you poop more frequently when you start an exercise routine.

Pilates Vs Yoga: The Distinctions And Also What'S Right For You.

If a customer purchases a little training bundle of 4 or 6 sessions, you will get paid much more per hr, yet you will certainly need to work tougher after just a couple weeks to encourage them to get once again.

Think about providing workout and also meal plans that have been customized to your clients' one-of-a-kind needs and also fitness goals.

Fitness centers have a tendency to offer members a reduced rate per session if they buy a huge package, know that this might impact your hourly rate by a few bucks.

Big bundles of 24 or 36 sessions are fantastic, due to the fact that you understand you have that customer hooked for a number of weeks.

You have actually confirmed yourself enough that your credibility and also organization are based on recommendations.

When you have actually brought in clients, your per hour income will be established by the sort of plan they purchase from you.

Think about signing up with personal trainer online forums or LinkedIn health and fitness groups, so you can discover what methods have helped others.

In addition, the diet regimen includes a brew called "wonder soup," which is an appetizing, low-calorie veggie soup having cabbage, tomatoes, celery, pepper, and carrots. Individuals can consume marvel soup as a treat to suppress hunger pains till their following dish. Unsaturated fats, such as those in salmon, avocados, and walnuts, aid improve cholesterol as well as likewise supply various other health advantages. Efficiently adopting some or every one of the techniques and way of living goals gone over in this write-up will absolutely aid you shed the extra pounds around your midsection. You can find 5 free apps/websites to track nutrient as well as calorie consumption on this web page.

How Do I Develop My Own Workout Plan?

Consuming water with dishes can likewise maintain you really feeling full, decreasing your appetite and consumption. According to one research in 14 adults, consuming alcohol 16.9 fluid ounces of water boosted metabolism by 30% after 30-- 40 mins.

Incline Walking Vs Running.

Fortunately, making use of a mix of proven strategies can streamline and also accelerate fat burning. Fiber can also be a lifesaver when you're diet programs and trying to resist yearnings. Fiber is a plant-based nutrient that the body can not absorb.

This indicates that a glass of orange juice won't have the very same results on fullness as an orange, making it very easy to take in large amounts in a short amount of time. Also, fruit juice generally has no fiber and doesn't need chewing. If you are yearning a treat, eat a piece of fruit or a handful of nuts instead.

Like coffee, green tea also has several advantages, one of them being weight reduction. Any type of resource of high quality healthy protein for morning meal must do the trick.

A simple weight lifting regimen will be adequate, also if it doesn't press you to the restriction and leave you out of breath. It's well worth following this up with a casein shake; as pointed out previously this will guarantee regular muscle mass recovery throughout the evening while you rest. Eat bananas either whole or in a smoothie mix with milk as well as ice. No other fruits or veggies are enabled, yet individuals can likewise consume wonder soup.

Exercises like high-knee operating, butt kicks, and also mountain climbers call for limited room. If you're at home and don't have health club tools, you can still do high-calorie-burning workouts. If your physician hasn't suggested a 500-calorie diet regimen, you should not attempt this diet regimen. A diet regimen similar to this has risks and safety measures associated with it. This diet regimen can be hazardous and needs medical supervision.

https://rangegreece51.werite.net/post/2020/12/11/Fitness-Trainer-Or-Instructor-Profession-Account. -boosting impacts of fiber might create huge benefits in regards to weight control. Resistance training is a type of workout that involves antagonizing a force to increase muscle mass stamina as well as endurance. To begin, merely switch out refined grains in pastas, white breads, cereals and also pre-packaged products for healthy, whole-grain options such as couscous, quinoa, wild rice or barley. What's even more, they typically have a high glycemic index, which suggests that they are digested and also taken in rapidly. Fast food digestion causes spikes and accidents in blood sugar levels, followed by raised hunger.

If you're mosting likely to consume carbs, ensure to eat them with their natural fiber. Research studies show that sugar (and also high-fructose corn syrup) consumption is highly related to an increased risk of weight problems, along with conditions including kind 2 diabetes as well as heart disease. In addition, it might lower the loss of muscle mass commonly connected with low-calorie diet plans. Nevertheless, higher-quality studies are needed before any stronger insurance claims can be made. Though eco-friendly tea contains percentages of caffeine, it is loaded with powerful antioxidants called catechins, which are believed to work synergistically with high levels of caffeine to boost weight loss.

Note that this does not mean that you must include this fat to your diet plan, however simply change several of your other fat sources with coconut oil. Utilizing smaller sized plates lowers how much food you eat, while providing you the perception of having actually eaten much more. Periodic fasting is an eating pattern that cycles between periods of fasting and eating.

Studies show that individuals who eat vegetables and fruits often tend to consider much less. The best method to prevent this is to do some sort of resistance workout such as lifting weights. Studies show that weight lifting can assist maintain your metabolism high and also avoid you from losing precious muscle mass.

Continue reading to find out more regarding the risks as well as goals of the 500-calorie diet. " You recognize, you have actually reached in fact use up that or cut down on your consumption. As well as it takes longer than overnight to do that," he said. Apovian, that is also the director of scientific research study at the Weight problems Research Center of Boston Medical Facility, claimed workout is not required for individuals of this strategy.

As an example, if you have kind 1 diabetes, you'll need to monitor your blood sugar levels during as well as after workout. Jumping jacks are a standard cardio workout that elevates your heart rate. You do not require much space to do jumping jacks, so it's easy to do in your home. The HIIT bodyweight exercises listed above can be done in the house.

They may likewise have artificial trans fats, which are extremely harmful and also connected to several illness. Pastries, cookies and cakes are loaded with harmful components like added sugar and also fine-tuned flour.

Noom.

Here are 26 weight-loss ideas that are actually evidence-based. Therefore, if you clean or use mouthwash after eating, you might be be much less attracted to grab an unneeded snack. Research studies have revealed that sleep-deprived people depend on 55% more likely to end up being overweight, contrasted to those who obtain sufficient sleep. Of all the probiotic microorganisms, Lactobacillus gasseri reveals the most promising results on weight loss. Fitness Training UK have revealed that overweight and obese individuals have a tendency to have various digestive tract germs than normal-weight individuals, which might influence weight.

The main nutritional resources of polished carbohydrates are white flour, white bread, white rice, soft drinks, pastries, snacks, desserts, pasta, morning meal grains, and sugarcoated. Glucomannan is just one of numerous weight management pills that has actually been shown to work. There are likewise several healthy as well as natural treats that are easy to prepare as well as take with you on the move. There is a great deal of poor fat burning details on the internet.

Your Morning Routine Can Change Your Life Tomorrow

Thank you, Hal Elrod, for waking me up to a new perspective

Snooze button. Snooze button again.

Tired, sluggish, and dreading the day, I drag myself out of bed like a zombie from The Walking Dead.

Like many hard-working entrepreneurs, this was my daily morning routine. Two years ago, I stumbled upon a podcast interview with author Hal Elrod in which he shared his incredible story and explained his book The Miracle Morning. His message hit me like a ton of bricks.

We are all work so hard to create an amazing life for ourselves, but we never stop and take the time to enjoy the life we have created.

For entrepreneurs, our days are a nonstop sprint of texts, emails, phone calls, and office work. We rarely stop and take time each day to reap the benefits of our hard work. Hal points out that the only safe time is in the morning before we start our day. He emphasizes that we owe it to ourselves to block out this time to experience life without interruptions or distractions. He suggests a morning routine called SAVERS (silence, affirmation, visualization, exercise, reading, and scribing).

The two-week rule

I have a process for the implementation of new self-improvement ideas I call the two-week rule. When I try something new, I commit 100% for two weeks. I go ALL IN. I do not judge results or deviate from the plan. This allows me to do a fair assessment of the new endeavor. No excuses are allowed. I just decide “this is what I am going to do.” Once the decision is made, then there is no more thinking or debate. After hearing about the Miracle Morning, I started my two-week evaluation. Two years later, I am still doing it every day.

Why it matters

Friends have asked me “what is the point of waking up early?” My answer is that it changed how I view my life. It kick-started a new diet, a 30-pound weight loss, integration of mindfulness into my life, and I conquered physician burnout. I have read more books in the past two years than in the previous twenty. I also created and started living my personal mission statement “to become the best version of myself to have the maximum impact on others.” Every day I work to make this a reality.

Create your own Miracle Morning

Individualize the plan and make it your own. I started off doing SAVERS precisely as described in the book. For those struggling to start, you can do it 6 min; 1 min for each step. I quickly realized that I needed to make some adjustments to fit my personality.

I prefer practicing mindfulness in the evening before I go to bed. Meditation in the morning made me sleepy. Switching the practice to the night time has become a vital tool for me to beat insomnia. For those new to meditation, I recommend Headspace, 10% Happier, or Insight Timer.

I prefer to exercise after work. I run in the evenings. It calms my mind, and I can shed the stress from the day. For those “Type A” people like me needing a plan, try the app Couch to 5K.

My Miracle Morning

I set my alarm for 5:15. When the alarm goes off, I immediately get up. No snooze button.

Step 1: I step on the scale and type the number into Myfitness Pal. Weight management is a top priority for me, and stepping on the scale first thing in the morning helps me start the day with intentionality; today I am going to eat right and focus on my health.

Step 2: I move to the kitchen. While my coffee brews, I drink a large glass of water. This simple step is critical because our bodies get dehydrated through the night. I read an article or two on Medium. I do not check email, Facebook, or Twitter. No work allowed.

Step 3: Once the coffee is ready, I sit a comfortable chair, and I read an affirmation paragraph. The affirmation keeps me focused on my mission and values. Reading the paragraph out loud is an important step as it forces my mind to think through the words instead of just going through the motions.

Step 4: I open a book and read. I avoid reading anything in my industry and allow this quiet time to be truly mine. I choose books on personal growth, leadership, business, and fiction.

Step 5: When it is time to get ready for work, I do a quick downward dog yoga stretch followed by ten pushups. It is not enough exercise to sweat but enough to get the blood flowing.

Waking up early is not as hard as you think

Many people say they can never wake up early. From my experience, what was at first, an obstacle quickly evolved into motivation. I felt the benefits of an established routine so quickly that my mornings became the most important and enjoyable part of my day. I have become a better husband, father, physician, and entrepreneur by taking a few minutes each day to learn, grow and be present in the moment.

Thank you to The Startup for publishing this article on Medium.

By: Dr. Jeff Livingston Blog Photo By: Maks Styazhkin on Unsplash

What Can You Eat on a Keto Diet? Meals, Snacks & Recipes - New Idea

What can I eat on a Ketogenic diet?

Let's put together a food list for your next grocery shopping trip!

1. Low-carb, non-starchy vegetables

While all vegetables contain life enhancing nutrients, not all vegetables are made equal - which means some of them are not allowed within the Keto meal plan.

Non-starchy vegetables - scientifically known as cruciferous vegetables - like kale, lettuce, spinach, broccoli, brussel sprouts and cauliflower are excellent Keto foods thanks to their low calories, high nutrient content.

Cruciferous veggies are rich in Vitamin C, fibre and antioxidants, and have long been linked to a reduction in the risk of heart disease and many cancers.

Keto diet recipes often use low-carb vegetables as a substitute for starchy carbohydrates.

For example, cauliflower is now widely used instead of rice; zucchini is also used in place of potatoes and pasta to create zoodles, a great natural substitute for noodles or spaghetti.

2. Avocado

Avocados are arguably the best source of Keto-friendly healthy fat for the human body, with 100 grams - the equivalent of half a medium avocado - containing just 9 grams of carbohydrates, 7 of which are fibre!

Avocados are also naturally rich in potassium which is an excellent metabolic booster making it ideal for Keto dieters.

Avocados have also been found to reduce cholesterol and improve heart health.

3. Eggs

 Eggs are a Keto dieters best friend thanks to their taste, versatility and low-carb content.

According to Healthline, one large egg contains less than a single gram of carbohydrate and just under 6 grams of protein making it perfect for Ketogenic adherents.

Eggs help you to feel fuller for longer, and also regulate blood sugar in a natural way.

Ketogenic meal plans must include the whole egg - including the yolk - as this part contains the most antioxidants such as lutein and zeaxanthin which help protect eye health.

KETO RECIPE: KETO BREAD

Try this Diet Doctor recipe for Keto-friendly bread, and smear it with lashings of full fat butter for ultimate effect.

You will need: 

- 2 tablespoons sesame seeds

- 5 tablespoons ground psyllium husk powder

- 1 and a quarter cups of almond flour

- 2 teaspoons of baking powder

- 1 teaspoon sea salt

- 1 cup of boiling water

- 3 egg whites

4. Cheese

Made in hundreds of different forms, cheese is high in fat and low in carbs which makes the vast majority of types suitable for the Ketogenic lifestyle.

While cheese is high saturated fat it hasn't been linked to an increase in the risk of heart disease in any way, and also contains conjugated linoleic acid which is connected to rapid fat loss and improvements in muscle mass.

Great news for cheese loves, cottage and ricotta cheese are both highly recommended for inclusion on your Keto shopping list.

KETO RECIPE: KETO-FRIENDLY PIZZA

This Diet Doctor Keto meal is delicious and will satisfy your junk food cravings, without the extra calories!

You will need:

CRUST

- 5 and a half oz shredded mozzarella cheese

- Three quarters of a cup of almond flour

- 2 tablespoons of cream cheese

- 1 teaspoon of white wine vinegar

- 1 egg

- Half a teaspoon of salt

- Olive oil to grease your hands

KETO TOPPINGS

- 8 oz fresh Italian sausage

- 1 tablespoon full fat butter

- Half a cup of unsweetened tomato sauce

- Half a teaspoon of dried oregano

- 4 and a half oz shredded mozzarella cheese

5. Meat and Poultry (aka Chicken)

While more and more people are turning towards vegetarian and vegan diets, meat and chicken are considered core components of the Keto diet and are present in almost all Keto recipes.

Fresh, unprocessed meat and poultry contains zero carbohydrates and plenty of vitamins and minerals such as potassium - the excellent metabolic booster we mentioned above - selenium, and zinc.

Eating large volumes of meat helps to build muscle mass and trim down body fat.

Grass-fed meat is he preferred choice on the Keto shopping list for a healthy diet.

6. Fish and Seafood

Shellfish and fish are both fantastic foods for the Keto diet.

Salmon, sardines, clams, oysters, crab, prawns, mackerel, octopus and squid are all excellent sources of vitamins and minerals such as omega-3, while also being low-carb or virtually carbohydrate-free!

Shellfish consumption has been linked to improvements in mental health and concentration.

Numerous health publications recommend consuming at least two servings of seafood per week.

7. Coconut and Olive Oil

Olive oil has been proven to improve overall heart health and contains many antioxidants - known as phenols - which work to reduce inflammation with the body.

Inflammation is linked to myriad diseases from cancer to multiple sclerosis.

Olive oil is a pure source of fat, which means it is completely carbohydrate free so next time you're frying bacon or eggs, no need to spare the olive oil!

Likewise, coconut oil is an excellent addition to the Keto diet as it is made up of a fatty substance called lauric acid which has been suggested to boost the speed of ketosis.

Coconut has been linked to rapid reduction in belly fat, the trickiest area of the adult body to shed weight from.

8. Berries and Dark Chocolate

While most fruit is out of bounds on a Keto meal plan, berries are the exception to the rule thanks to their high fibre, low-carb content.

Raspberries and blackberries are particularly Keto-friendly and are jam packed with anti-inflammatories and antioxidants which protect against chronic disease.

Blueberries contain the highest net carbs (12 grams for every 100 grams of berries) while blackberries contain the least (5 grams per 100 grams).

Add strawberries, blackberries, acai berries and raspberries to your Keto shopping list and incorporate them into Keto-friendly desserts along with dark chocolate and cocoa powder, other Keto suitable treats!

Just be sure the chocolate contains at least 70 percent cocoa solids - preferably more.

9. Nuts and Seeds

Nuts and seeds are both excellent high-fat, low-carb food stuffs.

Scientific studies have linked high and frequent nut consumption with a reduced risk of cancer, heart disease and depression.

Nuts and seeds are both rich in fibre which helps keep you fuller for longer thereby reducing hunger cravings and the likelihood of bingeing.

Brazil nuts, pecans, chia seeds and flaxseeds are all excellent Keto-friendly ingredients to add to your shopping list.

10. Butter and Cream

While most traditional diets tell you to steer clear of butter and full fat milk the Ketogenic meal plan turns this belief on its head.

Butter and cream contain only trace amounts of carbs and are extremely high in saturated fat.

High fat dairy products are also rich in conjugated linoleic acid, which - as we mentioned - boosts fat loss rapidly.

What can I drink on a Keto diet?

Plain coffee and tea are carb-free drinks meaning they are permitted on the Keto diet.

Both contain caffeine which increases your metabolism and temporarily improves mental clarity, alertness, stamina and performance.

Black coffee drinkers have also shown a significantly reduced risk of diabetes.

However, it's important to remember that while unsweetened, black coffee or tea is perfectly acceptable as part of a Keto meal plan, drinking "light" or flavoured versions of either will add a lot of carbs to your intake and throw your diet off track.

Water can be consumed in any quantity on the Keto diet, while diet soft drinks and red or white wine can be drunk in small amounts.

KETO RECIPE: BULLETPROOF COFFEE

Try making this butter and oil rich coffee from Diet Doctor which will fill you up for hours and set you up nicely for the day ahead!

Simply combine all ingredients in a blender and serve piping hot.

You will need:

- 1 cup of coffee, freshly brewed

- 2 tablespoons of unsalted butter

- 1 tablespoon of coconut oil

What can you NOT eat on a Keto diet?

Foods full of starch and sugar are extremely high in carbs making them unsuitable for Keto meals.

Major danger foods which should be avoided at all costs include fizzy drinks, processed fruit juices, milk and white chocolate, candy and jellies, donuts, rice, pasta, potatoes, beer and most fruits (except berries).

According to Diet Doctor, full sugar sodas and frappuccinos are the the worst beverages you can drink on the Keto diet.

Source: https://www.newidea.com.au/keto-diet-what-can-you-eat-ketogenic-meal-plan-recipes-snacks

Rough Draft no.1 - I Am NOt Good at Titles

Scotland, Isle of Lewis, May 1896

It started on a stormy night in the little village of Spence, which was located on the southeastern coast of the Western Isles of Europe. The vast sea that fringed the village was angry and gray, roiling and frothing as the strong winds churned it up; even the lighthouse on the shore seemed intimidated by the fog smothering its steadily revolving light. Some ways away from the slowly brewing storm, a fine and rather overlarge house stood upon a hill, ringed by thick trees and covered in creeping ivy. This was the ancestral home of the Mays family, and it had served as both a landmark in the village and as a home for its occupants for nearly a century. The inside of the house on this particular evening was as dark and forboding as the state of nature outside- a woman had just been murdered. Her body sat propped in a plush velvet-backed chair, as though she had taken the position just moments ago. A still-steaming cup of tea sat on a small side table beneath the fingers of her left hand; her right was buried in the folds of her dress. The only indicator of her terminal condition was an elongated spatter of blood on the carpet before her and a smear of the same fluid on her purple lips and chin. Footsteps sounded in the hallway outside the sitting room, and the door swung open. “Your cakes as requested, Lady Mays!” The family’s resident cook, Marcy, bustled into the room. She took her misstress’ silence without question, it was not unusual for Lady Katrina Mays to answer with nothing at all; and set a tray of delicately iced cakes on the small table next to the tea and sugar bowl; then her eyes found the unnaturally still form and the odd set of Lady Mays’s jaw, and she screamed. She flew to the dead woman’s side, shaking hands searching for a pulse on her white neck- none was found and she let out a panicked sob, covering her mouth and backing away slowly, her slippers smearing the blood and staining their white satin. As she reached the door, eyes fixed with horror on Lady Mays, a strong, dark hand rested on her shoulder and she shrieked again, whirling around with a swirl of skirts. “Oh, heavens Christobal, you nearly frightened me t-t-to death!” Her eyes filled with tears as she looked into the face of the Mays family manservant, Christobal. “It’s the Missus, s-something terrible has happened!” Marcy wept and wrung her skirts as Christobal’s’ forehead wrinkled in concern but remained silent as he waited for her to explain. He was broad-shouldered, strong, and taller than any man she’d ever seen, with skin the color of coffee beans, and piercing golden eyes that betrayed no emotion as they scanned the scene before him. His hair, black as night, had been braided loosely and hung around his shoulders, and they tinkled faintly with small silver, gold and copper beads as he released Marcy and moved toward the corpse of Lady Mays. Marcy stood rooted to the spot, crying and growing steadily redder in the face. “I came to bring her some cakes, the almond kind that she’s so fond of, hardly noticed she was d-d-dead until I looked at her lips. Horrible color they are! Oh, what will the children and Mr. Mays say?!” She threw her apron over her face and began to wail in earnest, her shoulders heaving as the weight of what had happened settled onto her heart. Christobal said nothing, but lifted the cup of tea carefully and brought it to his mouth. He did not even take a sip before throwing the cup aside with a grunt, the liquid within hissed and smoked as it struck the carpet, and as he looked, the curious golden eyes showed a glint of sorrow. “Poisoned, by the smell of it….easy as taking a sip,” he said, turning to face the distraught cook, who had collapsed against the doorframe and seemed to be on the verge of fainting. “A fast-acting and completely lethal kind, I am afraid.” He crossed the room once more and handed Marcy a small crystal bottle of smelling salts, which she seized, uncorked, and inhaled deeply all in one motion. “She did not suffer much, for what it is worth,” said Christobal kindly, removing a crisp white square of cloth from inside his coat as Marcy’s breathing settled and she wiped the tears from her cheeks with his proffered handkerchief. “It does not comfort me, I must admit…” she hiccupped and a few more tears spilled from her lashes as she returned the handkerchief and bottle of salts, which Christobal tucked away into his jacket. “She was a good woman, a loving mother...I don’t care what anyone says. The poor children, what will they do? What do WE do?” At this, Christobal shook his head. “I will notify Mr. Mays, you must keep the children in their rooms, but do not lie to them about what has happened. They deserve to know that their mother has been taken- and taken unfairly. Do not let them see her, answer their questions honestly, and feed them as many sweets as they will accept through their pain. The baby of course will sleep through it all.” He cleared his throat as he readied himself for the coming storms, and met Marcy’s swollen eyes encouragingly. “We’ll soon get to the bottom of this, you’ll see. Take heart, and keep your cheeks dry for the children’s sake.”

Inverness, Scotland, May 1896

Far to the east of this tragic scene, another woman sat in a plush armchair with her hand curled around a teacup- only this woman was very much alive, and her teacup was full of single-malt whiskey. Evangeline Robin was the sort of woman that did not have very many friends, even though she was perfectly pleasant, nice to look at, and smart, and possessed most all of the endearing qualities a person should have. But most people believed she was TOO smart, too intuitive and definitely stranger than a woman should be. Her long red curls tumbled loosely down her back, bright brown eyes shone intelligently from their sockets, and her pale, pointed face left no doubt that this woman was native to Scotland. Her hands were terribly dirty and her long toes curled into the rug beneath her with relish, she had just come in from the garden and was enjoying a midafternoon pick-me-up. Before her sat an enormous black deerhound named Velvet, who was gnawing at a strip of an old boot and shedding his winter coat all over the rug. Evey (as her remaining relatives fondly called her) was perfectly happy as she soaked up the warm late spring sun and allowed the whiskey to pleasantly dull her senses. All around her nestled in mahogany bookshelves stood her book collection, fine specimens all, with sturdy spines and carefully bound covers in every color and texture. She had personally collected them from cities all over Europe, and had had many shipped to her from the Americas and the Orient. Books were her children, her pride and joy, and most of her money went into the pursuit of collecting and restoring them. Her second love was plants, flowers in particular, and her garden was a thing of beauty, awash in tiny buds and bright green shoots as the spring rains brought them up. Dust filtered through the sunbeams penetrating her red winter curtains, and as she stifled a sneeze, Evey made mental note to change them out during her spring cleaning spree next week. All in all, her life was still, orderly, and quiet, just as she liked it. An inheritance from her late parents had bought the house and provided a startup for her various businesses and hobbies, and she lived as minimally as possible, selling flowers and seeds during the busy season. Evey also fancied herself as the local detective, assisting her neighbors in finding their missing children, pets, or money as was most often the case. Sometimes she was paid in coin, others in exotic spirits or rare books, any form of remuneration was acceptable to her- she enjoyed exercising her body and brain as well as helping others. But today there were no cases for her attention, her bookshelves had just been dusted and the garden had been tended sufficiently- and it was only just after one o’ clock. Evey heaved a contented sigh and reached for one of her books, and Velvet stretched out at her feet. She seized the obvious opportunity with zest, burying her toes into his shaggy fur, which he tolerated with good grace. After a few moments, however, she found herself surprisingly motivated and unable to focus on the page. Time for a change of pace, she thought, though the prospect of disturbing Velvet’s sleep was a factor. She stood up quietly, but swiftly, and the dog was unphased, his ear twitching briefly as she stepped over him and exited the library. Her spirit of lazy contentment had certainly deserted her now and she walked briskly down the main hallway of her small and sparsely decorated home, until she reached a smallish door set into the right side of the wall. It was adorned with an elaborate brass handle and indeterminable markings decorated its face and hinges; the keyhole was rather large and located just above the handle. From a chain around her neck, Evey extracted an appropriately sized key that was outlandishly swirly and fashioned from the same brass as the door handle and inserted it into the keyhole. She gave it a sharp turn to the right and the sound of gears grinding was faintly audible as the lock withdrew slowly into itself. The door swung open on its own smoothly and she stepped inside, expediting the door’s elaborate self conducting mechanism with a nudge of her bare foot. Once again she was surrounded by mahogany shelves, but these were lined with purple velvet, and a glittering hoard of jewels, weapons, and elegant combat gear rested upon them. This was the true culmination of her family’s legacy; she had only needed to sell a few items to secure her financial future, leaving the rest of the treasures in her careful possession. She often joked with herself that she may have been a dragon in a previous life, with her jewels and rare books and solitary dwelling, her lifelong pursuit of knowledge and general distaste for humans. She admired a box of gemstone hair pins for a moment, then turned to the west side of the room where the weapons and armor lay. She selected a black sleeveless cotton shirt and a tunic of light chainmail made of pure silver, more decorative than practical, but she was only training and the sparkle of it as she moved was a small treat for herself. Evey draped the shirts over her arm and reached for a set of black linen breeches embroidered in silver thread, sturdy silver slippers and a black leather belt to go over the tunic. She kept no mirrors in the “war room” as she liked to call the back half of her treasure annex, just a wooden exercise barre against one wall, some straw stuffed dummies arranged in a circle in the center of the room and a weighted bag suspended from the ceiling on a thick chain. She dressed quickly and selected her weapons. A half-dozen ivory handled throwing knives went into her belt, then a curious pair of heavy iron-plated and cotton lined fingerless gloves adorned her hands, followed by a set of studded steel greaves fixed around her shins, and finally a short sword slung horizontally across the small of her back completed her arsenal. Evey lifted another unique item from the shelves; a thick blue cloak with heavy weights cleverly sewn into the shoulders and hem, and fastened it with a jeweled pin at her collarbone. The weight of it enveloped her body like an embrace and she felt a surge of energy course through her limbs. She entered the circle of straw dummies and stood still for a full minute, focusing on her breathing and gathering awareness of her surroundings into her consciousness. She stretched then, holding each pose for as long as she could and then relaxing, breathing some more, and arching into the next pose. The weighted cloak made this ordinary warmup twice as taxing as it would have normally been, and she was pleased to feel her body protesting with the familiar burn of an effective muscle building technique. Then, quick as lightning, she turned to the first of the dummies on her left and pummeled it with a quick series of punches, the iron knuckles of her gloves biting the straw and splintering it. The dummy swung backwards and then abruptly forwards on its stand, causing Evey to dodge smoothly sideways, and she met the dummy’s forward momentum with a devastating kick aided by her greaves. Her legs flew straight and strong as she kicked the dummy back and forth again and again, sometimes using her feet, sometimes using her shins. She switched back to fists and forearms, punishing the dummy mercilessly, circling it and calculating its back-and-forth swing for maximum impact. As she built up speed, the short sword flashed from its sheath and delivered two deep cuts into the torso of the dummy, then was put away as quickly as it came out. She combined her arms, legs, and sword in various combinations of punches, kicks and slashes until her breathing became labored and she knew it was time to rest. Her finale was target practice, and red-faced, Evey whipped the knives from her belt in succession, turning in a circle and throwing hard at each dummy. The clatter of steel on the floor notified her that she had missed twice, but the satisfying thump of blade meeting straw the remaining four times softened the sting of her errors. Shoulders heaving like a running bull, she lowered herself cross-legged onto the floor and with concentrated effort, released the clasp of her weighted cloak. It melted from her shoulders and she nearly gasped at the difference her body felt when it was gone. She was able to stand up quickly and though she was covered in sweat and her hair tangled into hideous knots, she was pleased with her progress. When she had started using the weighted cloak, her training had been slow, painful, and she had been unable to use the greaves at all because her balance was askew. Today, she had succeeded in reaching her goal of utilizing all her limbs at roughly the same speed, even while wearing the greaves, gloves and cloak. Evey dragged herself to the small washroom across the hallway outside and cleaned up, then, sliding into a clean robe, she sealed the treasure annex door with the key around her neck. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up in an unnerving wave of alarm, then Velvet began to growl from the library. She moved for the heavy oak door that served as her main entrance to the house, and the outside bell rang simultaneously, thundering through the house and scaring Velvet into silence. “I hate that door bell!” She mumbled through gritted teeth, and, seizing the door handle a little too aggressively, flung it open. Christobal, mud spattered and exhausted from a hard night’s ride, stood still as stone on the stoop, and Evey groaned, another debt collector perhaps? Or a manservant delivering a message from one of the overstuffed bachelors in town? “Good afternoon,” she said with a tight smile, trying to remain calm. Christobal responded in kind, a bemused expression on his face as he inclined his torso briefly and said, “Good afternoon Miss Robin, if I’m not mistaken? Is this….a bad time?” he gestured vaguely at her unkempt appearance and Evey suddenly became hyperaware of her dressing gown and wet hair, and how none of it was acceptable as a uniform for conducting lengthy conversation. “Is it terribly important?” she replied, and Christobal nodded gravely. Eveys eyes narrowed as she tried to interpret his response, his entire unexpected appearance was unsettling and now it seemed he had things to say that could not be said in public-she could smell a case brewing. “Let me get dressed and I’ll meet you in the library, Mr….?”  Golden eyes crinkled as he responded, “you may call me Christobal. I come with an urgent request on behalf of Hugh Mays and his family.” Immediately intrigued, Evey left the door open and strode quickly up a flight of stairs to her closet, throwing her arm out to the right and shouting, “library’s right there!” Christobal stepped over the threshold and followed the direction she had indicated, coming to a fast halt when Velvet, now recovered from his traumatic door bell experience, raised his mighty head and emitted a brief woof of surprise.

“We inter-breathe with the rain forests, we drink from the oceans. They are part of our own body.” – Buddha

The eastern most edge of Captain Daniel Wright Woods Forest Preserve in Mettawa, Illinois, is home to winding trails forged by deer through dense trees and bushes whose bark and leaves vary as wildly as the shapes of gravel in a pond. Decaying logs, a single creek, squirrels chewing walnuts, bright green moss covering gray stones, vines strangling already dead trees, drapes of ivy, and white star flowers filling green and gold meadows also claim it as home. As it is not part of the main park, it rarely draws human visitors, but it was three minutes on foot from my house when I was in middle school. It was my forest. Every day after school, regardless of weather or season, I visited until dinner time. I hiked those familiar trails, and sat on logs, but always observed, belonged, listened, and sensed my surroundings.

In summer, when the humidity hits, cicadas emerge from their homes in the ground to shed their brown shells. One day, during the summer of the seventeen year cicada, I watched a daddy long leg crawl over a prairie trillium, with its burgundy diamond bloom and three dark green mosaic leaves. Something else moved on a tree branch nearby. Stunned at first, I almost left in disgust, but closer then I looked and realized what it was. A seventeen year cicada was pushing out of the top of its shell attached to the bark. I sat on the ground and watched.

So odd, ugly, and beautiful. First, its white head with bright red eyes and black dots- fake eyes, then the white body and translucent wings that uncurled. It struggled for a long time. Finally, it rested, hatched and still clinging to its shell. The delicate and vulnerable state of that cicada amazed me. I had witnessed something I’d never see again. Like so many things I noticed and learned in the forest preserve, I could not explain its significance, but I knew its beauty and power.

“If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.” – Buddha

Many years later I had a pet dog, as many people do. He was a black miniature schnauzer with two large ears- one curled back and one curled forward- a stubby tail, a white chest, and a tendency to talk too much. He was my best friend and companion for 12 years. Together we hiked through slot canyons in Escalante, camped in Zion National Park, visited The Wave in northern Arizona, leapt into the Pacific Ocean in San Diego, ran through fields and forests in Daniel Boone National Forest, and forged through the high desert of Saint George, Utah with thick sage and tall juniper trees, red rock cliffs, orange sand, darting lizards, and gray jackrabbits as large as schnauzers. We observed nature as we went, often sitting side by side, taking it in and simply existing.

“In life we cannot avoid change, we cannot avoid loss. Freedom and happiness are found in the flexibility and ease with which we move through change.” – Buddha

The day he died I was moving to South Korea. Since he was older and ill, I decided to leave him with my parents. He disappeared into the darkness in my parents’ backyard at 3 am. When we couldn’t find him, I still left, spending the 15 hour plane ride crying. By the time I arrived in South Korea in the evening, it had been a full day since my parents had discovered him passed away under his favorite tree. When my mother told me this as I lay in my foreign apartment, it was if I had already heard it. I just knew it, but this knowledge did not make it less painful. And tears were painful. Still, life moved on. In South Korea, it was the beginning of the semester in late August, so I was thrown into the chaos of starting a new job at a university, in a new city, in a new country. My grief would have to wait. Or maybe I could get over it gradually, so I thought.

Uam Historic Park sits on a ridge of hills that skirt the east side of Daejeon, South Korea. It is the gateway to a system of trails that lead out of the city’s valley into a vast forest and around the Daechong Lake for several kilometers. One can walk this entire ridge around the valley of Daejeon, should one be so ambitious, and some are. The park itself holds enough significance to draw thousands of visitors at all times of the year. It houses a school from the 1600s of a renowned scholar, Song Si-Yeol, with numerous buildings, a meditation pavilion, a temple, a lily pond, and a library museum within the secure walls. Before arriving in South Korea, I had researched the park and its network of trails extensively. Hiking would continue to be my favorite past time, no matter where I was. Like any good traveler and expat, I set the first stones for the steps to comfort and home.

Every Sunday morning, and any other day possible, I visited Uam Park and continued out on the forest paths that weaved up the mountain. I also found numerous other trails intersected each other. The entrance to one was a quick, steep walk up the hill behind my apartment. There was no excuse for not visiting the forest. Also, the chaos of the new job, and the pungent, raw city mirrored the chaos brewing inside me from avoiding my grief. Only the forest brought peace. It was familiar. Tree branches snapped in the wind. Leaves brushed each other. Dirt, plants, scurrying insects, pink flowers. Green grass, and green leaves all smelled the same. My lungs filled with fresh air and my legs burned from exertion.

And new sights gave new pleasures. Light green bamboo with feather leaves grew in clumps along the ancient wall of the park. Wooden signs in Korean indicated trail lengths. The burgundy Buddhist temple with its green painted roof sat at the top of the hill, just above the pond. Behind it, the trees rolled up the mountains. Along one of the trails above the park, there is a resting station covered by a yellow tarp under which travelers can sleep in cots, drink from the natural spring, or eat at picnic tables. Such familiar and novel pleasures patched my wounds, if only as distractions. I stayed there for hours. I wanted to live under a mound of ivy.

“Every life has a measure of sorrow. Sometimes it is this that awakens us.” – Buddha

But, one cannot live in nature when one has other responsibilities. So Daejeon city continued to stir emotions, but slowly, like a melting icicle. At the sound of a schnauzer barking from a passing car at the local market, my heart pounded, then I cried. At mentioning to my friends that I once had a dog, my stomach churned. At realizing I could stay at coffee shops as long as I wanted, feelings of remorse and guilt surged up my face, as if my blood and tears were lava. In dreams he was in danger from a snake or a flood, and I was unable to save him.

Then, finally, after two months, I was comfortable in my new home. The grief over the loss of my best friend of twelve years, who died too suddenly, struck me then, but it brought guilt with it. One night I woke crying from another nightmare where his death was my fault. I was sweating, panicky, and alone in my one room apartment with the marvelous heated floors. Frequent hikes were not strong enough bandages for the raw wound that was now hemorrhaging. I could not go on this way.

“You need to do something to commemorate him and let him go, like a ritual,” my close friend wrote me from The United States. She was right. Also, I had been avoiding confronting the pain, hoping it would go away, but no longer. I devised a plan and carried it out.

“There is the path of fear and the path of love. Which will you follow?” – Buddha

On a sunny, autumn Sunday morning, I headed into the forest above Uam Park, to a spot overlooking the lake. He walked with me as I stepped silently over roots and dry brown leaves, past outdoor exercising equipment, and the relaxing station to the top of the hill. This hike and this forest was the only thing I knew would heal me. But, I knew we never truly get over the trauma, the grief, the guilt, the pain; that is not realistic. Laurence Gonzalez reminds us in his book, Surviving Survival, “…it’s important to realize that we don’t get over it. We get on with it.” In another sense, we let go so we can make space for other things. These ideas are profoundly Buddhist. I was desperate to get on with it and make room.

The elderly population of Korea loves to hike and they were out as usual. Respectfully, I nodded as I passed them, and they smiled and returned the respect. So many people still relish the forest for the same reasons I do and did. It brings comfort to know this. Exercise produces chemical changes that can offset depression. Even the color green soothes. South Korea, along with many Asian countries, respects nature as a place to literally bathe, replenish, cleanse, and destress. Forest Bathing programs are popular, Forest Therapy centers as well. Daejeon has one tucked at the base of Mt. Bomunsan in the south.

So atop that hill I sat, unable to speak, on a rock and looked down the slope of the trail. In fall one can see what was once hidden. So many thin, new trees surround their elders. Some leaves still cling, then swirl down at the mention of a breeze. Finally, I spoke to him. I recounted what I thought were my sins- neglect, greed, and selfishness. I forgave myself, and remembered him fondly. Many words I hadn’t scratched on that paper came out. Then I ripped up the letter and buried it in a hole on that hill. Ever after, when I would walk up that hill, part of him was there and a portion of me too, so the forest had become more sacred than I intended. The ritual recognized the physical realization of grief, and the guilt. The wound was healed, but the scar remained. When I cried, it was lighter. The impurities had been drained and the emotion flowed through my body like the clean mountain spring below our special spot.

“In the end only these things matter: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?” – Buddha

For years I had found desert trails in Saint George, Utah, comforting, all of those with him. Before that there were forest trails in Indiana, and parks with pavement and manicured grass with him. Many years before that, there were the life renewing forests by my house in Illinois. In Uam Historical Park, I learned why temples in South Korea are found on mountain tops, and hillsides, tucked away from the chaos of civilization. They rest in the safe, quiet wisdom, and sanctity of ancient forests. The simplicity of nature can be emulated. Forests are full of miracles as every day as the emergence of a cicada from its shell, or the healing of a grief stricken human.

(Uam Historical Park and the forest trails. 2017)

  Getting on with It: How a Southern Korea Forest Heals “We inter-breathe with the rain forests, we drink from the oceans. They are part of our own body.”

Compass Rose: Chapter 4

Juan watched as more students steadily filed into the briefing room, which was just an old classroom on the Academy's ground floor. The student's eyes kept drifting back to Ahiga, an almost unnaturally tall, slender student, and leader of the infamous team Epsilon. He quickly snapped his eyes away, instead deciding to peer around the mostly filled room, easily identifying Delta, the all human team, then Omicron by its two human members. He knew Lambda had left early, which just left the all inhuman team, luckily Kyros and Jarlath were somewhat identifiable, and with the other two sitting beside them, that meant Gamma was also accounted for. "Maaan! Keuxa's late AGAIN!" Jasmine loudly proclaimed, before being met with annoyed grumbles and sighs, "He's always behind his own schedule, this isn't exactly a new development." Jarlath pointed out in a disgruntled manner. "Ha! I'm just hopin' we get more than one measly mission this week, jobs are runnin' dry." Juan heard the sleazy man from Delta start to his team, "W-well, maybe we'd get more missions if we didn't argue with all the other teams, Jerry." Amy hesitantly guessed, looking down at her hands as her team's harsh silence pursued. "Who cares about all that!? 'Just send us on more solo missions' is what I say!" Jerry shouted, looming over the smaller high schooler, before the large leader tugged him back into his seat, "The recent surge in fairy activity's making solo missions almost completely inviable-" "Pfft, 'cept for Lambda!" Samuel cut off Cassidy, scowling around the room, as if physically looking for someone to blame. "G'yaah!! Sorry I'm late!" Keuxa suddenly bursted into the room, toppling over himself as he swung the door open, "'Bout time, professor!" Jasmine jokingly mocked, getting a flustered giggle out of the bewildered man as he secured his large, circular glasses to his face. "This should be a pretty quiet week, all things considered." Keuxa started as he placed a single piece of paper onto a rickety, wooden podium at the front of the room, causing the several lax teams to steadily sit at attention, except for Epsilon. "First off, the remains of the fallen dragon on the ridge, while I never wish to disturb the resting places of the Glamour's mighty creators, the recent increase of adolescent hikers DOES worry me, so Gamma and Lambda with be removing SOME of the remains, more information on that will be given to your teams later." Juan watched as the two Delta men stared over at their rival team in anger. "Next up, I'd like a particular part of the lower west valley searched for possible fairy activity, there have been numerous car crashes this month in that area, and I just like to be on the safe side. As Lambda will have their hands full, I'll be entrusting this investigation to... Epsilon." Samuel let out an aggravated huff, causing the meek girl beside him to let out a sweet giggle. "Oh! Delta- or more specifically, Cassidy... the, uh, the coffee making machine in the teacher's lounge isn't working again." The taller female of the team let out a quiet sigh, staring flatly at the nervous professor. "Are you trying to use the bigger carafe again? If the water catcher isn't connected to the machine, it isn't going to brew your drinks." Cassidy explained, causing Keuxa's expression to widen in realization. "Ooooh... my bad, my bad! Alright... finally, Theta." Terry suddenly perked up in surprise as the team was called, "There's a simple noise complaint in a quiet neighborhood not too far from here, usually Lambda handles these, but it shouldn't be too bad. You'll leave as soon as Omicron-" "Whoa, we didn't really expect to-" "You'll do fine I'm sure, Toran." Keuxa cut the tall student off. "Omicron, I'll send your team the information that needs to be distributed around, and that's all for missions this week." The professor ended, before hastily leaving the room. "That sucks!!" Samuel suddenly shouted as he pounded his fist on a table, "Another week without a mission? Poor you." One of the Epsilon sisters mocked, further riling up the already agitated man. "Calantha, just leave the guy, we have work to do." Ahiga's words were painfully drawn out, and his wide smirk gave him a condescending feel as he stared down on all of the other teams, waltzing by them as Epsilon left the room. "That guy- NO! That MONSTER!!" Jarlath let out a small chuckle, "For once, we can agree; that team's bad news." Samuel stared at the other team leader, before silently nodding, and leaving with his team, followed by Gamma, then Omicron. "So..." Jasmine started once the other teams were gone, "Guess we have a mission." Greg stated, getting out of his seat, "It's just a noise complaint, though, why would Keuxa even care?" Juan asked, clearly confused. "The professor has good intuition, if there's something out of the ordinary, he can usually tell, but we aren't ready to take on a fairy, or any sort of dangerous situation." Terry explained, shaking his head. "Oh!" Greg suddenly perked up, "We should get our compasses if we're going on a mission soon." he pointed out, gesturing toward the door. "Juan. You need to get your compass?" Terry asked, looking over his shoulder at the human, "Where is it, I'll just-" "I'll accompany you; it's in the office.". ●●● "Out of all our ways to travel, we're going by car?" Juan repeated once again, "Heh, sure harpies can carry people, but only one at a time, and it wouldn't be very pleasant for the passenger." Greg remarked, again, adjusting his cap. Since the four were driving out to a residential area, Omicron insisted that the team wear their clothes over their uniforms, the others seemed used to it, but Juan found it surprisingly uncomfortable, and he couldn't think of any good conversation topics to get his mind off it. "Okay. Wait here." Terry suddenly spoke up as he parked in front of someone's driveway, Juan looked around the dark suburbs, noticing that only a few still had their indoor lights on. "May I go over the notes?" Jasmine expectantly outstretched her hand toward the well dressed man, "Oh. Yes." he pointed down to his phone, which was laying next to his car's emergency brake. The woman in the passenger seat waited for the tall driver to shut his door, "Nice! Let's see what we got!" she suddenly announced in excitement, " Ehh, Toran always forgets to give us the mission details when he gets them." Greg quickly explained as Juan's confused expression was noticed. "A woman reported seeing a strange, catlike animal hopping her fence, a few minutes later, an elderly man called in complaining about a very noisy wild animal in the dark corner of his yard; when attempting to approach, it stood upright, and began growling, startling the man. There were two more reports of this strange creature, all reports are from this neighborhood, and most state that it was either bald on its torso, or wearing a bizarre, dull blue outfit, and something metal around its neck." Jasmine read out the email on Terry's phone. "A student?" Juan asked, peering out of the windshield, "Maybe, but not likely. All of the 007 kobolds fully understand the importance of protecting the Glamour's existence, not even team Epsilon would play around with that." Jasmine explained. "Alright, the homeowners haven't seen anything out of the ordinary, but they have heard weird noises coming from further up." Terry announced once he got back in the car, "I asked about a missing family pet." he informed the others as he slowed to a stop at another house, this time nodding to Jasmine. After waiting a few minutes while watching the woman talk to another homeowner, Jasmine eventually came back, "Haha, that was the woman who originally called in! I told her it was probably just a friend's cat, but she refused to hear it, luckily, her husband calmed her down and pointed me in the direction she said it went." she explained once seated. "If it's as loud as the witnesses are saying,-" {Witnesses?} "-then we should be able to hear when we're close." Terry stated as he drove further into the dark neighborhood, "Kobold speech can easily be mistaken for simple animal sounds, so maybe they've been trying to talk to someone?" Jasmine guessed. Juan continued to watch out the windshield for a few minutes as the well dressed student calmly drove around the neighborhood, before barely noticing the headlights reflect off of a small, metallic object as it ducked behind a tool shed. The student suddenly pushed himself out of the slow moving vehicle, dashing around the hood, and straight at the short, crouched silhouette behind the separate building, "Juan!?" Terry called out in irritation as he quickly chased after him. "You!" Juan shouted as he attempted to grab the dark reddish brown animal by its hind leg, but it easily evaded his grasp, causing the student to crash into the ground as he overextended his reach. "Clumsy... at best..." The kobold muttered in a light stupor, before casually stumbling off into the shadow of the main house, "Didn't get it, but it couldn't have gotten far!" Juan hastily reported to Terry as he approached, before attempting to run off after it. "No." The rash student's arm was suddenly caught in a firm hold by Terry, "What are you doing!? It's getting-" "HEY!!!" a woman's booming voice pierced the night air as the house's front door violently thrusted open. "What are yeh DOIN'!?!?" The large woman roared, "Oh. Sorry, we are out looking for my lost pet, but-" "Get OFF meh property, AND SHUT UUUP!!!" the woman harshly slammed her door, signaling for the two students to leave. Terry let out a drawn out sigh as the two returned to the car, "Do NOT... run off during a mission." he firmly stated, before beginning to drive again, "It was a kobold, I wasn't able to get a thorough look at it, but it was DEFINITELY a kobold." Juan glared at Terry through the rear view mirror as he stated his findings. "What did they look like?" Jasmine prodded, "Similar to one of the Lambda kobolds, but darker brown." "...Did he insult you and reek of whisky?" Juan gave the female student a confused look, but continued along. "I didn't get the chance to SMELL him, but he did insult me when I failed to grab him... Why would he smell like-" "I know who it is." Jasmine wore an amused, cocky grin, "I also know where he's going to be... we can wait for him there.". ●●● Juan stared at his compass, which Jasmine helped readjust to fit as a necklace, the four were quietly waiting in Terry's unlit car, staking out a smaller house across the street, which still had a few of its lights on. "...There..." Jasmine slowly pointed out their staggering kobold friend as he struggled to get across the front lawn, Juan quickly reached for his door, only to have it lock suddenly. "What is he doing at this place?" Terry inquired, giving the overeager student a stern side eye, "Are you familiar with Keuxa's friend, Albern?" Jasmine started, and while the well dressed student nodded, Juan exchanged a look of confusion with Greg. "Albern has a bit of an obsession with his ex wife, occasionally, when he's in the area, he gets so drunk, that he decides to go through her trash, looking for a sign that shows her mutual affection." "And he does this as a kobold? The professor hasn't stopped this?" Terry looked shocked, before a loud crash caught the team's attention. "One more thing... the wife doesn't know about the Glamour, so we should probably hurry." Jasmine stated as she opened her door, motioning for the others to follow. Terry and Greg quickly followed suit, but Juan had to first fumble around the car door for the lock, then steadily go around the vehicle to catch up to the others, who were slowly surrounding the drunken kobold as he sifted through a toppled trashcan in front of the house's garage. "Oh goody... you brought the klutz along." The groggy kobold flatly mocked as he continued to rustle through the pile of spilled trash, "Albern, right?" Jasmine started as she very carefully drew closer, "Yup... Now leave me alone.". Juan suddenly bolted forward, taking several steps before slipping on the slick, lush grass, and falling backwards, "Ha! Called it." Albern mocked as he unscrewed a metal hip flask, taking a long swig as he swished his long tail around. "Uhh, hey Juan? Ever think you'd see a fairytale creature downing whisky?" Greg jokingly asked as he helped him up, "Maybe in an R rated movie, but... no, not in a place like this." Juan admitted, staring down at the sticky, reeking mammal as he screwed the flask cap back on, and continued digging. "...Wh-..." All five of the trespassers froze as someone walked around the corner of the house, the younger high school girl's slippers lightly clapped against the pavement as she rounded the corner of the garage. As her eyes slowly opened, her face abruptly lit up in fiery anger as she saw the scene before her, "You..." she stormed forward, passing by team Theta before looming over the wasted kobold. "Heeey, sweety... you-" The girl reached down and aggressively grabbed a handful of the kobold's ear, forcefully pulling him off of the mound of spilled trash, and around a darker corner of the house, motioning with her free hand for the Academy students to follow. "H-honey, please... let me-eehh-" "You're lucky I don't call animal control to take you away!" The girl shouted, looking up at the students as they cautiously paced closer, "Take my STUPID father to Keuxa, before I give him to the men in black." she demanded, shoving him over to the others with her foot. "B-but Karleen-" "Don't call me by my Academy name!" She shot one last furious glare down at the small mammal, before storming around the corner again, and rustling with the trash. "Let's take him in." Terry strongly suggested as he looked down on the adult kobold, "Aww, don't sweat it. Keuxa'll let me off easy, always does." the creature boasted as he practically led the team back to their car.

Blue Bottle Coffee Defends Sale to Nestlé

Last week’s news that Blue Bottle Coffee—the Oakland, California-based artisanal purveyor of beans and coffee culture—had been sold to Nestlé for a reported $500 million and a 68% majority stake raised a few eyebrows and a few anguished cries from hardcore fans of the brand, which is busy expanding with the opening of a store Monday in New York’s World Trade Center.

Today, we're supporting @theirc for our opening at 4 World Trade Center. Stop by for freely flowing coffee and good times.

A post shared by Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottle) on Sep 18, 2017 at 8:42am PDT

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“My goal as CEO has been to secure a sustainable future for Blue Bottle Coffee that would enable it to flourish for many years to come. I’m excited to work with Nestlé to take a long-term approach to becoming a global leader in specialty coffee. We felt a real kinship with the team and knew it was the right move for us,” stated Blue Bottle Coffee CEO Bryan Meehan.

“Fifteen years ago I started this company with the goal of roasting, brewing, and selling superlative coffee,” said founder James Freeman, who started his indie roastery in a potting shed in 2002 before selling it at a farmers’ market. “Nestlé’s belief in our coffee, our process, and, most importantly, our people, assured us that this is a deal that will enable us to dream longer and further into the future than I previously imagined possible.”

Fifteen years ago today , I sold my first bag of coffee at my first farmers' market. I'm still puzzling over where the time goes. "Our lives are like a complex musical score. Filled with all sorts of cryptic writing, sixteenth and thirty-second notes and other strange signs. It’s next to impossible to correctly interpret these, and even if you could, and could then transpose them into the correct sounds, there’s no guarantee that people would correctly understand, or appreciate, the meaning therein." Murakami

A post shared by James Freeman (@bluebottlejames) on Aug 15, 2017 at 8:41am PDT

//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js

The press release also spelled out the growth plans that are now possible as a result of Nestle’s stake:

Blue Bottle has a strong track record of growth with 25 new cafes slated for 2017, including cafes in iconic sites like the World Trade Center and entry into three new markets of Washington, D.C., Miami, and Boston. The company will grow by 70% this year. The deal enables Blue Bottle to:

Grow coffee technologies and continue to break ground in the quest for superlative coffee

Expand career opportunities and benefits for its people and cafe teams

Open new cafes and roasteries, nationally and internationally

Build a robust digital program serving international guests in more countries

Expand the product line of consumer packaged goods (currently NOLA cartons, Cold Brew cans, and Blue Bottle’s groundbreaking Perfectly Ground pre-ground coffee) and widen distribution to a global audience

“This move underlines Nestlé’s focus on investing in high-growth categories and acting on consumer trends,” stated Nestlé CEO Mark Schneider. “Blue Bottle’s passion for quality coffee and mission-based outlook make for a highly successful brand. Their path to scale is clearly defined and benefits from increasing consumer appreciation for delicious and sustainable coffee.”

It’s not the first time an indie brand with hipster cred had sold itself to a consumer packaged goods giant—witness the sale of Sir Kensington’s condiments and T2 to Unilever, not to mention last week’s sale of Method Home (via parent Ecover) to SC Johnson. But the news of Blue Bottle’s sale sparked something of a backlash, with some brand loyalists calling “sell-out” and even threatening a boycott.

It's a big day for all of us @bluebottleroast. Read the news: https://t.co/8HSAinmTR4 pic.twitter.com/h4H4CdPa42

— Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottleroast) September 14, 2017

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The hip roastery has been busy defending itself. Blue Bottle CEO Bryan Meehan told Business Insider that customers will come around as they realize that the coffee’s quality won’t change with the acquisition.

“We don’t run our company on media headlines or social media headlines,” Meehan told BI. “You can’t run your business by worrying what people will think. You have to run your business by believing in what you do. And, I know how things will be in the future — our customers don’t.”

"It's a miracle this coffee is here." Our newest release from Yemen tastes like its story: https://t.co/zCRhdZLJiS pic.twitter.com/uJQ2u2EkRt

— Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottleroast) June 7, 2016

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Despite the fact that Blue Bottle had already raised over $100 million from investors such as Instagram founder Kevin Systrom and Twitter’s Ev Williams, the involvement of Nestlé—the largest food company in the world—elicited serious backlash.

“It’s a real shame”: Blue Bottle (@bluebottleroast) customers react to the Nestle deal. https://t.co/xzmgRhPqJv pic.twitter.com/dssikKmYBt

— SFChronicle (@sfchronicle) September 15, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Someone please refer me to @bluebottleroast's investment bankers immediately. $14M per coffee shop! https://t.co/Hqk8gylQvK pic.twitter.com/QBHIfkHbQE

— Mike Dudas (@mdudas) September 14, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Blue Bottle founder (turned minority owner) James Freeman, after all, said he was a proponent of slow growth in response to Eater’s Q&A in 2014:

How big do you want to grow? Do you have an idea of how many locations you’d like to open? I have no idea. I think it’s nice to have several roasteries. If we were to open 40 shops in San Francisco, that would really tax the roastery. If we opened a few shops per market every year, that wouldn’t feel as hard. The plan is to build enough back-end and infrastructure and sourcing so that every year, our coffee gets better and better. We don’t want our hospitality to suffer.

There’s also the notion that if you go big, you immediately lose credibility. There will always be that notion. Some people like a certain punk band because they like the music, and some people like the same band because no on else has heard of it. And as soon as other people have heard of it, it’s not as attractive to them. Those people are always out there, but it’s a very small portion of the customers at large. We just have to treat people really well.

As noted in the original press release, Blue Bottle will operate independently within Nestlé, and CEO Bryan Meehan, who will remain with the company along with Freeman, told the Financial Times “the control is very much with Blue Bottle.” That said, Nestlé has the option to buy the remaining shares if Blue Bottle meets certain performance criteria.

A classic read …..James Freeman Promises Nestlé Won’t Change Blue Bottle https://t.co/mqlr7RoOnA

— Bryan Meehan (@bryanmeehan) September 19, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Freeman also told Grub Street that he was bracing for the criticism but defended the deal in a Q&A published Monday:

The reactions haven’t been enthusiastic. How does that make you feel? People have been feeling that way for at least the last five years, when I went from majority owner to minority owner. I’ve been hearing those sounds for a number of years, and fortunately, we’ve got our three words, right? Deliciousness, hospitality, and sustainability. I think we’re better at all three of those than we were five years ago. I think a lot of our guests would agree.

Nestlé is, in fact, one of the largest companies in the world. But of their 2,000 brands, they have, as far as I know, exactly one that’s a standalone entity with a separate board — a separate governance that’s not part of their HR system, that’s not part of their financial system. That’s us. We have a very interesting and unusual arrangement with Nestlé, and that’s why we made the deal, because we could work in this stand-alone capacity.

People take it personally, like their favorite rock band has “sold out.” I can understand the impulse, because the world is not filled with examples of small companies improving after transactions like this, and if people are upset, what does that mean? That means they care very deeply for what we’re making and that’s flattering, so that’s good. But it’s also that the internet is like the id of our collective consciousness. Nobody grabs their telephone and opens up Twitter and types in all caps, “I’M GOING TO GIVE THIS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.” People just don’t do that. So it’s a lot of id, it’s a lot of strong feelings, and if we continue to execute and improve on our execution, then people will … It’s better to show people than tell people anyway, right?

The deal also enables Blue Bottle to continue giving back in a way that Ben & Jerry’s under Unilever doesn’t appear to have lost any of its political zeal. As noted in Nestlé’s press release:

Blue Bottle’s commitment to its core values has led to the establishment of the Blue Bottle Coffee Foundation, a donor-advised fund that promotes the values of deliciousness, hospitality, and sustainability through charitable giving. Blue Bottle has consistently given back to communities via employee volunteer programs and donations from new cafe proceeds and the Foundation will now allow for greater giving and participation. Most recently Blue Bottle donated the entirety of proceeds from the opening day of the Georgetown D.C. cafe to the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC).

Grand Opening in Georgetown today with all proceeds going to @NRDC—the earth’s best defense. Coffee for the planet. Come one, come all. pic.twitter.com/VTEQ2pyk3k

— Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottleroast) July 9, 2017

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Blue Bottle Coffee Defends Sale to Nestlé

Last week’s news that Blue Bottle Coffee—the Oakland, California-based artisanal purveyor of beans and coffee culture—had been sold to Nestlé for a reported $500 million and a 68% majority stake raised a few eyebrows and a few anguished cries from hardcore fans of the brand, which is busy expanding with the opening of a store Monday in New York’s World Trade Center.

Today, we're supporting @theirc for our opening at 4 World Trade Center. Stop by for freely flowing coffee and good times.

A post shared by Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottle) on Sep 18, 2017 at 8:42am PDT

“My goal as CEO has been to secure a sustainable future for Blue Bottle Coffee that would enable it to flourish for many years to come. I’m excited to work with Nestlé to take a long-term approach to becoming a global leader in specialty coffee. We felt a real kinship with the team and knew it was the right move for us,” stated Blue Bottle Coffee CEO Bryan Meehan.

“Fifteen years ago I started this company with the goal of roasting, brewing, and selling superlative coffee,” said founder James Freeman, who started his indie roastery in a potting shed in 2002 before selling it at a farmers’ market. “Nestlé’s belief in our coffee, our process, and, most importantly, our people, assured us that this is a deal that will enable us to dream longer and further into the future than I previously imagined possible.”

Fifteen years ago today , I sold my first bag of coffee at my first farmers' market. I'm still puzzling over where the time goes. "Our lives are like a complex musical score. Filled with all sorts of cryptic writing, sixteenth and thirty-second notes and other strange signs. It’s next to impossible to correctly interpret these, and even if you could, and could then transpose them into the correct sounds, there’s no guarantee that people would correctly understand, or appreciate, the meaning therein." Murakami

A post shared by James Freeman (@bluebottlejames) on Aug 15, 2017 at 8:41am PDT

The press release also spelled out the growth plans that are now possible as a result of Nestle’s stake:

Blue Bottle has a strong track record of growth with 25 new cafes slated for 2017, including cafes in iconic sites like the World Trade Center and entry into three new markets of Washington, D.C., Miami, and Boston. The company will grow by 70% this year. The deal enables Blue Bottle to:

Grow coffee technologies and continue to break ground in the quest for superlative coffee

Expand career opportunities and benefits for its people and cafe teams

Open new cafes and roasteries, nationally and internationally

Build a robust digital program serving international guests in more countries

Expand the product line of consumer packaged goods (currently NOLA cartons, Cold Brew cans, and Blue Bottle’s groundbreaking Perfectly Ground pre-ground coffee) and widen distribution to a global audience

“This move underlines Nestlé’s focus on investing in high-growth categories and acting on consumer trends,” stated Nestlé CEO Mark Schneider. “Blue Bottle’s passion for quality coffee and mission-based outlook make for a highly successful brand. Their path to scale is clearly defined and benefits from increasing consumer appreciation for delicious and sustainable coffee.”

It’s not the first time an indie brand with hipster cred had sold itself to a consumer packaged goods giant—witness the sale of Sir Kensington’s condiments and T2 to Unilever, not to mention last week’s sale of Method Home (via parent Ecover) to SC Johnson. But the news of Blue Bottle’s sale sparked something of a backlash, with some brand loyalists calling “sell-out” and even threatening a boycott.

It's a big day for all of us @bluebottleroast. Read the news: https://t.co/8HSAinmTR4 http://pic.twitter.com/h4H4CdPa42

— Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottleroast) September 14, 2017

The hip roastery has been busy defending itself. Blue Bottle CEO Bryan Meehan told Business Insider that customers will come around as they realize that the coffee’s quality won’t change with the acquisition.

“We don’t run our company on media headlines or social media headlines,” Meehan told BI. “You can’t run your business by worrying what people will think. You have to run your business by believing in what you do. And, I know how things will be in the future — our customers don’t.”

"It's a miracle this coffee is here." Our newest release from Yemen tastes like its story: https://t.co/zCRhdZLJiS http://pic.twitter.com/uJQ2u2EkRt

— Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottleroast) June 7, 2016

Despite the fact that Blue Bottle had already raised over $100 million from investors such as Instagram founder Kevin Systrom and Twitter’s Ev Williams, the involvement of Nestlé—the largest food company in the world—elicited serious backlash.

“It’s a real shame”: Blue Bottle (@bluebottleroast) customers react to the Nestle deal. https://t.co/xzmgRhPqJv http://pic.twitter.com/dssikKmYBt

— SFChronicle (@sfchronicle) September 15, 2017

Someone please refer me to @bluebottleroast's investment bankers immediately. $14M per coffee shop! https://t.co/Hqk8gylQvK http://pic.twitter.com/QBHIfkHbQE

— Mike Dudas (@mdudas) September 14, 2017

Blue Bottle founder (turned minority owner) James Freeman, after all, said he was a proponent of slow growth in response to Eater’s Q&A in 2014:

How big do you want to grow? Do you have an idea of how many locations you’d like to open? I have no idea. I think it’s nice to have several roasteries. If we were to open 40 shops in San Francisco, that would really tax the roastery. If we opened a few shops per market every year, that wouldn’t feel as hard. The plan is to build enough back-end and infrastructure and sourcing so that every year, our coffee gets better and better. We don’t want our hospitality to suffer.

There’s also the notion that if you go big, you immediately lose credibility. There will always be that notion. Some people like a certain punk band because they like the music, and some people like the same band because no on else has heard of it. And as soon as other people have heard of it, it’s not as attractive to them. Those people are always out there, but it’s a very small portion of the customers at large. We just have to treat people really well.

As noted in the original press release, Blue Bottle will operate independently within Nestlé, and CEO Bryan Meehan, who will remain with the company along with Freeman, told the Financial Times “the control is very much with Blue Bottle.” That said, Nestlé has the option to buy the remaining shares if Blue Bottle meets certain performance criteria.

A classic read …..James Freeman Promises Nestlé Won’t Change Blue Bottle https://t.co/mqlr7RoOnA

— Bryan Meehan (@bryanmeehan) September 19, 2017

Freeman also told Grub Street that he was bracing for the criticism but defended the deal in a Q&A published Monday:

The reactions haven’t been enthusiastic. How does that make you feel? People have been feeling that way for at least the last five years, when I went from majority owner to minority owner. I’ve been hearing those sounds for a number of years, and fortunately, we’ve got our three words, right? Deliciousness, hospitality, and sustainability. I think we’re better at all three of those than we were five years ago. I think a lot of our guests would agree.

Nestlé is, in fact, one of the largest companies in the world. But of their 2,000 brands, they have, as far as I know, exactly one that’s a standalone entity with a separate board — a separate governance that’s not part of their HR system, that’s not part of their financial system. That’s us. We have a very interesting and unusual arrangement with Nestlé, and that’s why we made the deal, because we could work in this stand-alone capacity.

People take it personally, like their favorite rock band has “sold out.” I can understand the impulse, because the world is not filled with examples of small companies improving after transactions like this, and if people are upset, what does that mean? That means they care very deeply for what we’re making and that’s flattering, so that’s good. But it’s also that the internet is like the id of our collective consciousness. Nobody grabs their telephone and opens up Twitter and types in all caps, “I’M GOING TO GIVE THIS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.” People just don’t do that. So it’s a lot of id, it’s a lot of strong feelings, and if we continue to execute and improve on our execution, then people will … It’s better to show people than tell people anyway, right?

The deal also enables Blue Bottle to continue giving back in a way that Ben & Jerry’s under Unilever doesn’t appear to have lost any of its political zeal. As noted in Nestlé’s press release:

Blue Bottle’s commitment to its core values has led to the establishment of the Blue Bottle Coffee Foundation, a donor-advised fund that promotes the values of deliciousness, hospitality, and sustainability through charitable giving. Blue Bottle has consistently given back to communities via employee volunteer programs and donations from new cafe proceeds and the Foundation will now allow for greater giving and participation. Most recently Blue Bottle donated the entirety of proceeds from the opening day of the Georgetown D.C. cafe to the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC).

Grand Opening in Georgetown today with all proceeds going to @NRDC—the earth’s best defense. Coffee for the planet. Come one, come all. http://pic.twitter.com/VTEQ2pyk3k

— Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottleroast) July 9, 2017

Blue Bottle Coffee Defends Sale to Nestlé

Last week’s news that Blue Bottle Coffee—the Oakland, California-based artisanal purveyor of beans and coffee culture—had been sold to Nestlé for a reported $500 million and a 68% majority stake raised a few eyebrows and a few anguished cries from hardcore fans of the brand, which is busy expanding with the opening of a store Monday in New York’s World Trade Center.

Today, we're supporting @theirc for our opening at 4 World Trade Center. Stop by for freely flowing coffee and good times.

A post shared by Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottle) on Sep 18, 2017 at 8:42am PDT

“My goal as CEO has been to secure a sustainable future for Blue Bottle Coffee that would enable it to flourish for many years to come. I’m excited to work with Nestlé to take a long-term approach to becoming a global leader in specialty coffee. We felt a real kinship with the team and knew it was the right move for us,” stated Blue Bottle Coffee CEO Bryan Meehan.

“Fifteen years ago I started this company with the goal of roasting, brewing, and selling superlative coffee,” said founder James Freeman, who started his indie roastery in a potting shed in 2002 before selling it at a farmers’ market. “Nestlé’s belief in our coffee, our process, and, most importantly, our people, assured us that this is a deal that will enable us to dream longer and further into the future than I previously imagined possible.”

Fifteen years ago today , I sold my first bag of coffee at my first farmers' market. I'm still puzzling over where the time goes. "Our lives are like a complex musical score. Filled with all sorts of cryptic writing, sixteenth and thirty-second notes and other strange signs. It’s next to impossible to correctly interpret these, and even if you could, and could then transpose them into the correct sounds, there’s no guarantee that people would correctly understand, or appreciate, the meaning therein." Murakami

A post shared by James Freeman (@bluebottlejames) on Aug 15, 2017 at 8:41am PDT

The press release also spelled out the growth plans that are now possible as a result of Nestle’s stake:

Blue Bottle has a strong track record of growth with 25 new cafes slated for 2017, including cafes in iconic sites like the World Trade Center and entry into three new markets of Washington, D.C., Miami, and Boston. The company will grow by 70% this year. The deal enables Blue Bottle to:

Grow coffee technologies and continue to break ground in the quest for superlative coffee

Expand career opportunities and benefits for its people and cafe teams

Open new cafes and roasteries, nationally and internationally

Build a robust digital program serving international guests in more countries

Expand the product line of consumer packaged goods (currently NOLA cartons, Cold Brew cans, and Blue Bottle’s groundbreaking Perfectly Ground pre-ground coffee) and widen distribution to a global audience

“This move underlines Nestlé’s focus on investing in high-growth categories and acting on consumer trends,” stated Nestlé CEO Mark Schneider. “Blue Bottle’s passion for quality coffee and mission-based outlook make for a highly successful brand. Their path to scale is clearly defined and benefits from increasing consumer appreciation for delicious and sustainable coffee.”

It’s not the first time an indie brand with hipster cred had sold itself to a consumer packaged goods giant—witness the sale of Sir Kensington’s condiments and T2 to Unilever, not to mention last week’s sale of Method Home (via parent Ecover) to SC Johnson. But the news of Blue Bottle’s sale sparked something of a backlash, with some brand loyalists calling “sell-out” and even threatening a boycott.

It's a big day for all of us @bluebottleroast. Read the news: https://t.co/8HSAinmTR4 pic.twitter.com/h4H4CdPa42

— Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottleroast) September 14, 2017

The hip roastery has been busy defending itself. Blue Bottle CEO Bryan Meehan told Business Insider that customers will come around as they realize that the coffee’s quality won’t change with the acquisition.

“We don’t run our company on media headlines or social media headlines,” Meehan told BI. “You can’t run your business by worrying what people will think. You have to run your business by believing in what you do. And, I know how things will be in the future — our customers don’t.”

"It's a miracle this coffee is here." Our newest release from Yemen tastes like its story: https://t.co/zCRhdZLJiS pic.twitter.com/uJQ2u2EkRt

— Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottleroast) June 7, 2016

Despite the fact that Blue Bottle had already raised over $100 million from investors such as Instagram founder Kevin Systrom and Twitter’s Ev Williams, the involvement of Nestlé—the largest food company in the world—elicited serious backlash.

“It’s a real shame”: Blue Bottle (@bluebottleroast) customers react to the Nestle deal. https://t.co/xzmgRhPqJv pic.twitter.com/dssikKmYBt

— SFChronicle (@sfchronicle) September 15, 2017

Someone please refer me to @bluebottleroast's investment bankers immediately. $14M per coffee shop! https://t.co/Hqk8gylQvK pic.twitter.com/QBHIfkHbQE

— Mike Dudas (@mdudas) September 14, 2017

Blue Bottle founder (turned minority owner) James Freeman, after all, said he was a proponent of slow growth in response to Eater’s Q&A in 2014:

How big do you want to grow? Do you have an idea of how many locations you’d like to open? I have no idea. I think it’s nice to have several roasteries. If we were to open 40 shops in San Francisco, that would really tax the roastery. If we opened a few shops per market every year, that wouldn’t feel as hard. The plan is to build enough back-end and infrastructure and sourcing so that every year, our coffee gets better and better. We don’t want our hospitality to suffer.

There’s also the notion that if you go big, you immediately lose credibility. There will always be that notion. Some people like a certain punk band because they like the music, and some people like the same band because no on else has heard of it. And as soon as other people have heard of it, it’s not as attractive to them. Those people are always out there, but it’s a very small portion of the customers at large. We just have to treat people really well.

As noted in the original press release, Blue Bottle will operate independently within Nestlé, and CEO Bryan Meehan, who will remain with the company along with Freeman, told the Financial Times “the control is very much with Blue Bottle.” That said, Nestlé has the option to buy the remaining shares if Blue Bottle meets certain performance criteria.

A classic read …..James Freeman Promises Nestlé Won’t Change Blue Bottle https://t.co/mqlr7RoOnA

— Bryan Meehan (@bryanmeehan) September 19, 2017

Freeman also told Grub Street that he was bracing for the criticism but defended the deal in a Q&A published Monday:

The reactions haven’t been enthusiastic. How does that make you feel? People have been feeling that way for at least the last five years, when I went from majority owner to minority owner. I’ve been hearing those sounds for a number of years, and fortunately, we’ve got our three words, right? Deliciousness, hospitality, and sustainability. I think we’re better at all three of those than we were five years ago. I think a lot of our guests would agree.

Nestlé is, in fact, one of the largest companies in the world. But of their 2,000 brands, they have, as far as I know, exactly one that’s a standalone entity with a separate board — a separate governance that’s not part of their HR system, that’s not part of their financial system. That’s us. We have a very interesting and unusual arrangement with Nestlé, and that’s why we made the deal, because we could work in this stand-alone capacity.

People take it personally, like their favorite rock band has “sold out.” I can understand the impulse, because the world is not filled with examples of small companies improving after transactions like this, and if people are upset, what does that mean? That means they care very deeply for what we’re making and that’s flattering, so that’s good. But it’s also that the internet is like the id of our collective consciousness. Nobody grabs their telephone and opens up Twitter and types in all caps, “I’M GOING TO GIVE THIS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.” People just don’t do that. So it’s a lot of id, it’s a lot of strong feelings, and if we continue to execute and improve on our execution, then people will … It’s better to show people than tell people anyway, right?

The deal also enables Blue Bottle to continue giving back in a way that Ben & Jerry’s under Unilever doesn’t appear to have lost any of its political zeal. As noted in Nestlé’s press release:

Blue Bottle’s commitment to its core values has led to the establishment of the Blue Bottle Coffee Foundation, a donor-advised fund that promotes the values of deliciousness, hospitality, and sustainability through charitable giving. Blue Bottle has consistently given back to communities via employee volunteer programs and donations from new cafe proceeds and the Foundation will now allow for greater giving and participation. Most recently Blue Bottle donated the entirety of proceeds from the opening day of the Georgetown D.C. cafe to the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC).

Grand Opening in Georgetown today with all proceeds going to @NRDC—the earth’s best defense. Coffee for the planet. Come one, come all. pic.twitter.com/VTEQ2pyk3k

— Blue Bottle Coffee (@bluebottleroast) July 9, 2017