california king bed (jake seresin)

AN: the one where jake seresin realizes his selfish tendencies could cost him everything. inspired by this ask. fluff and a dash of smut exist below the cut ♡

warnings include: consensual penetrative vaginal sex, some oddly specific details in here friends, so sorry it's part of my process sometimes, minors DNI.

characters: jake 'hangman' seresin x female reader

Jake Seresin is falling in love with the woman sleeping soundly beside him.

It’s much too early to be contemplating such things, yet despite that, a morning sun bathes her in a pale glow, highlighting the parts of her that no one else gets to see as up-close as he does. A front-row show to the world’s most wondrous woman.

He knows it’s love because everything else he’s ever experienced has paled in comparison to what he feels when he’s with her. Where he had never before bothered to know a woman as intimately as he knows her, he can tell anyone who'll listen what her favourite films are. He can name- with infuriating confidence- the types of flowers she wants to make up her future wedding bouquet, the titles of the tattered paperback westerns her beloved grandfather used to collect, that her socks stay in the laundry basket a full week before she finally summons the strength to put them away. He knows he’s in especially deep because the precarious stack of unread novels next to her side of the bed never ceases to make him smile anytime he catches sight of it.

She shifts then, rousing him from his reverie. Her body is entirely nude save for the white cotton sheet draped over her front. He counts the freckles that scatter her back like constellations, and the urge to reach out and trace them is almost entirely overpowering. He refrains from touching her though, because as much as he wants to wake her, he also wants this moment to himself. In the silence, he can admit that he is on thin ice with her. He knows that the fight they had last night could very well have been one of their last, and he realizes without a shadow of a doubt, that he wants a lifetime more of heated arguments with her. He wants the fights and the makeups; the fucking and the loving, and the life- the good bits and the gory bits. He wants all of it with her.

But she is fine sand and he is the hourglass that encases her and sometimes- like last night, he feels powerless to stop her inevitable departure.

“I worry sometimes that I’m not cut out for relationships.” The alcohol in his veins made his tongue loose- made being honest with her as effortless as breathing.

She laughed, but any humor behind it was frozen inside a block of ice the size of Texas. “So what? The last seven months were a trial run? ‘Let’s see if Jake Seresin can do this… and if he can’t oh, well. Onto the next one’.”

“It’s not like that…”

She folded her arms across her chest in defiance. “Then tell me what it’s like because I care, Jake. I care so much. But if you can’t let me in…” Her expression hardened, as if a shadow passed over it. “If you won’t let me in, I don’t think I can keep doing this.”

He watches the steady rise and fall of her chest in the glowing morning light; watches her eyes dance beneath veined lids, wonders briefly what kind of dream she’s having and if it’s as lovely as she looks right now. He gazes at her a little while longer; wants to memorize every miniscule detail of her face lest she opens her eyes and decides she’s finished with it all. But her eyes do slide open a little while later, her pupils constricting to pinpricks at the sudden onslaught of sunlight. She doesn’t smile at him like she normally does when she greets him in the morning and that rattles him a little if he’s honest.

“I’m sorry for last night.” He offers finally, his voice gruff and heavy from recent sleep.

She watches him, her expression unreadable. “You were just being honest.”

He closes his eyes, wants desperately to get what he’s about to say, right. “I do well on my own. I always have. It's why I choose not to share the sky with anyone, it's certainly why I choose not to involve myself with anyone.” He clears his throat. “I have spent so much of my life thinking I was above loving and being loved back, and for some reason that all went out the damn door with you.”

I have spent so much of my life thinking I was above everything, period.

“Women like me come along once in a lifetime, Jake.” She inches closer to him, her fingertips find the jut of his chin, forcing him to gaze at her. “You know that don’t you?”

He nods his head furtively.

“I realize how close I came to blowing this all up last night. It’s the last thing I want to do.”

The weight of the vulnerability that comes along with that confession feels like it may just crush him if he’s not careful.

Her face hovers mere inches above his; her warm breath as it ghosts over his lips causes him to shiver against her in unabashed anticipation. Bending forward, she captures his lips in a kiss that while languid, is also painted with a dash of scarlet passion. This was what they needed after a night of stifling silence. Knotted bedsheets always offered them a solace not found anywhere else on earth; their bed had a habit of bringing them back together when they strayed too far from one another.

He's already entirely ready for her when she breaks their kiss to straddle his thighs. He can tell she is too by the way her arousal trails down the velvet-soft of her inner thigh, over the head of his cock, and down the underside of his shaft. The sensation of it causes his eyes to roll back in his head as he grips himself firmly in his hand and lines himself up at her entrance.

Placing both hands firmly on his shoulders, she lowers herself onto his impossibly hard cock and begins to ride him slowly, and deeply. She drops her head to the hollow crook of space between his neck and shoulder blade and peppers kisses to the warm skin there.

Jake can barely string together a coherent thought; she’s always taken him so well, but there is an intimacy to this time that causes a lump of emotion to swell inexplicably in the hollow of his throat. His large, deft hands roam the dips and valleys of her back; he feels her muscles bend and flex as she rides him like her life depends on it and being close with her like this after last night, just feels like coming home after a long, exhausting mission.

She pulls away to gaze at him, opens her mouth to say something, but a desperate whimper escapes in place of any actual words. Jake stifles a groan and cups a palm to the apple at her cheek, nodding at her.

“I know, baby. Keep going.”

And she does.

She fucks him until her hips still and Jake feels her spasm around him. His name is a breathless scream on her lips; the electric and all-encompassing heat of her orgasm drives him ever closer to the precipice of his own and Jake wonders briefly if this is what heaven is like.

“It’s too good, baby.” He gasps as she continues to pulse around him, and when she doesn’t immediately stop, his fingernails leave crescent-moon indents in the soft skin of her hips as he tosses his head back and comes into her in thick, hot waves.

She stays connected to him longer than she should, and when she lifts herself off of him, the sudden loss of intimate contact is almost painful. Pressing a kiss his sweat-damp forehead, she disappears for a little while. Her absence is felt long enough that Jake wonders momentarily if she left, but then she enters their room a couple minutes later with a bowl of strawberries which she places on counter next to his side of the bed.

“I love you.”

It has nothing to do with how good she just fucked him, or that she brings him freshly washed strawberries in the mornings, or even that she waits for him while he spends most of his waking moments in the clouds.

He loves her because where everything else in his life is difficult or heavy, loving her is the easiest decision he’s ever made.

“I love you too, you cocky bastard.” Her words are warbled around the strawberry in her mouth, and as she tosses a wink his way, Jake can’t help the hearty guffaw that tumbles from his mouth in happy waves.

47. Part 3

Staring at myself in the long mirror in my walk in closet, wearing an elegant soft pink mini dress, stitching detail down the sides and a modest neckline because I had to keep it modest for my son’ Christening. Moving to the side and staring at the side of me, my booty is popping in this dress, thank you Chanel “are you done staring at yourself? You look bomb, I mean I would have preferred more skin but I don’t think god would like that” Yusef did chose the dress and my boobs were popping but I need to act like a mother “but do I look good like this?” everyone rushed into the walk in closet “y’all” I sighed out saying “I said to wait downstairs, you making me shy now” I wanted to show them when I got downstairs “you look so beautiful, makes me so emotional how you always thinking about I am a mother now. I miss hoe Rihanna” waving Jen off “please, I am still that but on my day off from being a mother” I giggled to myself “look at my family, looking beautiful as fuck. We are on time right? I need to get Junior dressed while he’s asleep, that way he doesn’t fight me” walking by my family “awww look Milo, he is wearing a suit” I gasped “you giving me smiles too, god he is so adorable” touching his cheek “Majesty baby, thank you for watching Junior. You can stop now” she is being mother to him “my baby” she said slowly stroking his face “since when? Go back to your dolls girl” I am glad Junior slept and didn’t wake up, gave me a chance to get ready. Chris left to shave but his barber comes here so I don’t know where he has gone, he could have got Junior dressed for me but I did tell him to go but it’s fine, I am sure he will be back soon.

Closing the car door behind me “here you go nigga” Fresh held the white roses out to me “thank you, don’t we all look clean as fuck today” I thought I would pick up the boys while I was out, I got dressed at Mijo’ place and have now come back “you know what, I need y’all to watch out for me. Any shit coming our way let me know, something always goes wrong” that is just my luck “look at you cass, wearing a suit” I patted his back “special occasion today” walking towards the door, Rich is also here but I wonder where Frank is. The home is so busy but I told the godparents and their family and also friends to meet us at the church, I didn’t want everyone here because it would be so hectic “awww look at you Christopher, you look like you are ready to take my daughter down the aisle again” Monica gushed, licking my lips laughing “I can clean up when I need too, is Robyn upstairs still?” I hope she is, I hate that she is upset with me. I am going to have to try my best and make it up to her, I got white roses for her because it will match and yeah, I just hope she can forgive me “yes she is upstairs, getting my grandbaby dressed. She told everyone to wait downstairs” I am glad she is upstairs still “ok” glaring at Mel as she walked down the stairs with Milo, can she just move out of the way so I can go upstairs.

I hate wearing these shoes, they hurting my damn feet and I feel like wearing some sneakers now. Sighing out, I hope Robyn doesn’t hate me and we can just make it up, I am stupid and I get it. I don’t mean it, I ain’t a bad nigga. I just can’t deal with fake people, that is not me and I can never just be normal with them. Pushing open the bedroom door “all done now, please don’t be sick on this suit” tilting my head to the side, Robyn’ ass looks so good in that dress. I whistled as I closed the door behind me, Robyn was quick to look behind her in shock but then realised it is just me “you look beautiful, you really do. I mean you always do but wow, I love it” Robyn didn’t really say anything and went back to dressing Maurice, I need to get to Robyn, I know I can break her down “you look nice yourself, I am glad you tidied up the face” I grinned “so you fancy me?” standing just behind Robyn, watching her pick up Maurice and turned around to me “not exactly, I just simply said you look nice. I didn’t say handsome” she playing, holding the white roses in front of me “for you, I don’t want to have no hard feelings today. My behaviour has been a little wack, I have been thinking of myself and what I want to do and not thinking of you. I am sorry” Robyn took the roses from me “there is no hard feelings” Robyn said before walking off, Robyn looks so good. My woman is walking in heels, holding Maurice and then the roses. She is so bad, I want her to be so rough to me in bed “you haven’t complimented our son” she placed the roses down on the vanity table, I am so lost with Robyn “uhhh well I mean his mother has got me all tongue tied, he always looks good. I mean come on, he is half of me” Robyn licked her top lip laughing “right, we need to thank Chanel for his outfit. Look at it, it is a perfect fit and everything. Take him” she said to me, I didn’t even have to think twice before taking him.

I am more interested in how Robyn got her ass in that dress “did Chanel make your dress and his suit?” I asked, Robyn picked up Maurice’ changing bag “yes, Chanel did well. I thought they may have made it too big for him but no, look at him” nodding my head “I am looking at her” Robyn side eyed “I did read what my dad said, if you didn’t know already. And if you didn’t know already Rorrey also wrote a little post on Instagram, nothing worthy of reading anyways. I just want today to go well, for us and for him. And I am a little late on my period, doesn’t mean much but you never know” that is a lot of information “I also want today to go well, I get what I did was wrong. When I am in that moment I don’t think but I don’t want us to fall out, I don’t want you to hate me either” Robyn reached up fixing Maurice’ bowtie “I don’t hate you, if I actually hated you I wouldn’t always try and cover things up. Its just getting to me, I rode for you during that shit with Sinko. I could have kicked off and walked off, he was in the house, with us on events but I tolerated it and waited until you saw it for yourself. My family is not perfect but I married you, they accepted and make the effort now. I just want you to see your wrongs is hurting me, when Junior grows up and we are going to Barbados or any event with my family around and he asks why is my dad not coming, am I supposed to say he doesn’t like them. Just like you need me, I also need you. Just let’s get this done and then we can just relax” I swallowed hard, she is not wrong because my son will grow up and he will see it “but you’re going, what about the missing period? I mean the late one?” Robyn shrugged “I don’t know, see what happens. The only first sign I have seen” Robyn kissed my cheek “let’s go down” I guess she is still going of course “so you forgive me?” I need to know “not exactly, I am still pissed off but you know what Chris. I can’t be angry because today is about our son, one day you will learn the way” so she is still not happy with me.

Robyn held out Maurice’ pacifier to me “keep him quiet, he has been fed so he should be ok but you never know. His demanding self” placing the pacifier in his mouth “it’s that Brown gene, we like to be fed lots. Growing boys, tell her son” Maurice stared at me in awe and smiled at me, his pacifier falling out but I caught it “what was that for? You ain’t finna smile soon, not when they put some holy water on you” Maurice opened his mouth and breathed out gurgling “I think it’s really romantic how he is looking at me” I said to Robyn “romantic? You’re weird but he is very loving now, he loves when you talk to him. He gets so happy, ok let’s go down now” letting out on oh “you showing me love? Well I love you more, our audience awaits” placing the pacifier back in his mouth as I walked behind Robyn, I don’t mind walking behind Robyn because her booty is looking so good. Walking down the steps side by side with Robyn, I didn’t think we would have had an audience but it looks like people was awaiting on us to come down “awww oh my god, you both look so beautiful” Robyn’ friend said, my smile soon changed seeing my dad, his wife and his kids in my home.

Robyn grabbed my free hand and pulled me along with her “mommy, can you tell everyone to start getting in the cars and go, please Frank gather the people out. Tell them all to start leaving so we can lock up the home” Robyn didn’t let go of my hand as she made her way to the kitchen “god girl, leave him alone” Jen said walking by us “whatever bitch, wait behind for us. You are coming with us!” Robyn spat, I knew something like that would have happened. On my son’ day my dad really flew out here to upset me, I don’t fuck with them like that. My dad looks so ill though, I am so annoyed already “well you didn’t tell me that?” Robyn turned around saying, placing the changing bag on the side “but I didn’t know, I knew my dad was coming. My mom was picking him up but I didn’t know this, you know I don’t fuck with them like that. I like to keep my family shit private, he bought them bastards in my home. I am so angry right now, they don’t belong Robyn. I am throwing them out, fuck them. This is my family day” shaking my head rubbing my eyes “you can’t do that, Chris this is going to be hard but we just have to get on with it. Remember when I said slap on a smile, you need to do it. Nothing can ruin today, I am here for you like always” them kids really here in my home, I am about to blow.

Car seats are such a pain, I hate them “you got Jen with you son, lucky you” moving back closing the Rolls Royce door “boss, we will be in the Range behind you” Cass said, nodding my head dapping him “my son is looking so handsome, you know what Chris. You should be so happy and proud, you have one beautiful family” my mom gushed, she has come to me at the wrong time “you lied to me mom, you told me dad was coming on his own and he came with his family. I hate his family” Robyn touched my arm “I didn’t lie to you baby, they are your siblings” she is making me so angry “you are so stupid, fuck. The guy left you, he left me and he is there for her” why is my mom such a fool “Christopher, come on now. Let’s drive please” Robyn opened the car door behind me “please, not now. Auntie everything is fine, you can go” Robyn said to her auntie, turning around and getting into my car.

I need to calm down, I can’t let it get to me. Not on this day “Chris, you may not want to hear it but I think you are doing so well. Don’t let one person ruin today, you all look so good today” Jen said in the back “thanks, I am trying Jen. I don’t know how many times I can tell my so called dad I don’t want to know, I would never do what he done, I am better than him” I just need to stay away from my dad and that white bitch “and you are Chris” Robyn said “you said I was never there for Maurice though?” I ain’t forget “I said it out of anger Chris, come on. If you was a bad father I wouldn’t stay with you, I wouldn’t want that for my child. Let me be angry with you sometimes, just don’t argue with anyone Chris. You are better than that, all eyes are always on us. We already have two people that wish shit on us, my own flesh and blood but we don’t need anything going wrong” nodding my head “I got you, I am going to make you proud” I am going to keep my cool.

Shaking the Pastors hand “where is Chris Brown Junior?” he said “hopefully awake in the car” Jen is getting him out of the car, the paparazzi have figured out where we are having this “everyone is waiting for you” Jen got Maurice out, he squinted his eyes because of the sun “there he is, may I” the Pastor pointed at Maurice, stepping back “of course” the pastor held Maurice, I hope he is ok with him. Robyn stood at the side of me “the place is decorated so nicely” Robyn looks impressed “I am glad I drove slow, it made everyone go inside” the pastor passed me my son “welcome, come in” The pastor gestured for us to go in, Cass is trying to rush us into the building now because of the people “I was thinking, we could be parents again. Doesn’t that make you nervous?” I questioned Robyn, walking up the steps “I feel at ease, I was panicking more because we was having so much sex but nothing was happening. I just feel like time is not on my side, I don’t know. It could be nothing but either way, gold blessed us with our little man” walking into the church, I am actually taken aback by the turn out “wow, these people are all here for you” I didn’t think we invited that many people. Finally reaching the front and hugging Trey “look at my godson, wearing Chanel already” Trey said taking him from me “nephew, glad you could make it” hugging Snoop “you know how it is, I am here now” sitting down next to Robyn and the godparents.

I couldn’t help but lowkey laugh at Maurice crying because of the holy water, rubbing the side of my face trying not to laugh. Looking over everyone and seeing my sister, she shook her head at me. She knows me “I baptise you in the name of the Father, Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen” the pastor said, Maurice is not happy at all he is crying out. Robyn took Maurice from the pastor, my poor son is not here for the pastor at all. Robyn was quick to put the pacifier in his mouth to calm him down, Maurice’ face is all red now as Robyn rocked him to calm down “welcome to the house of god” shuffling closer to Robyn as Dennis took pictures of us with the godparents, catching my dad staring over at us and he smiled at me but I looked away because I don’t want to know.

I am so glad that is done with, now we can not do a family event for a while. I just need to get over the party, the place where we are having the party is around the block. We wanted to keep it close, I am just waiting for Robyn to come out so I was quick to come out and have a cigarette as people left the church to make their way to the place where we are having the party “that was beautiful bro, the prayers and hymns. Loved it” Lo complimented “thank you, part one done. Next is part two” flicking my cigarette as Robyn made her way to the car “I’ll sit in the back, I want to feed him” Robyn said, opening the back door for her to get in “I guess you’re my bonnie, sitting in the front with me” I winked at Jen “if only winking gets you pregnant” I busted out laughing shutting the door “is it true that you have Kendrick performing? At a christening party?” nodding my head “why not? This is adult turn up time, forget everything else” Kendrick wanted to come out and perform, I don’t mind it. Maurice party is lit and my son doesn’t even know it.

Parking outside the place, the valet guy rushed over to us opening the car door for me “thank you” getting out of the car. Rich opened the door for Robyn “you want me to take him?” I asked, Robyn held Maurice out to me “Rich bring his car seat with you, he is going to fall asleep any moment now. We can just put him in there” smiling at Maurice “you just like me, I hate people at times. I know that upset you and ruined your mood” he is not happy about the water still “he gets the stubborn part from you” Robyn said, I smiled feeling ever so proud of that title “you both do know how to take your time, the guests are sat down” Frank said “that is because she was feeding him in the back seat so I drove around” pulling Maurice’ shirt down as we walked into the place “did you do this?” I pointed up “Robyn and I worked hard for this, we did it all” Jen said, Robyn did really work hard for it. I really didn’t help at all, I just kept saying no to everything. Frank and Cass opened the double doors for us, the huge dining hall with a stage set at the back. The place themed in cream and blue, each table accompanied with balloons. My smile grew seeing Maurice’ cake and pictures of him surrounding the display “Chris Junior Christening” I read aloud as we walked down the red carpet that lead down the rows of tables “You king!” Diddy half shouted stepping in front of us “he don’t remember me performing for him, I know you heard my voice. Beautiful set up” he dapped me, let me continue to walk.

Maurice has so many gifts in the corner “I can’t wait to spend so much time with my godson Chris, you need to bring him to uncle Snoop’ place. I got him a little gift, something he can keep forever. Thank you for the blessing you gave me Chris, he is a very blessed child. He has us three to protect him” taking the box from Snoop “you ain’t need to buy him anything, people been coming out with gifts. He is too spoilt” opening the box and seeing the diamond encrusted cross “that is so dope, he will wear this when he grows up a little more” getting up from my seat “thank you” hugging Snoop “anything for you nephew and Rihanna, I love you both so much” Snoop walked around me to hug Robyn, catching one of my dad’ kid stood staring at me “Cass” I waved him over “move the kid away from this table” Cass nodded his head and moved to him, I don’t give a fuck. I ain’t their brother, I ain’t shit to them. Sitting back down in the seat “what did you do?” Robyn asked, watching Cass walk the child back to where he came from and my dad was quick to get up to see why “you really had too” Robyn said sighing out, here comes my dad. Cass is walking right behind him “that is my son so I can walk to where I want!” my dad half shouted, I need a reason to kick his ass out “he is a child that wants to know his brother, you are evil. You are all my kids, stop pushing us away” my dad is talking to the wrong guy “why ain’t you dead yet bruh? Why are you here?” looking over at my dad “when I am dead don’t come to my funeral!” he pointed, I snorted laughing “who else going to bury you? You think trailer trash going to do it huh? Now you either sit your ass down or get kicked out” Robyn hit my leg “Mr Brown please sit down” Robyn is being nice to him for what.

Luckily nobody is really paying attention because of the food “stop being harsh” Robyn said “harsh? He ain’t do shit for me but he can do shit for them, be a father to them. Nah” shaking my head “let’s just forget him and enjoy the party” smiling watching Lionel making his way over to us “I got you a special seat” pulling the chair back “why are you sitting down there for?” Lionel sat down “get some Whiskey for this man” I shouted out at the server “I couldn’t help but notice the trouble with your dad, I started making my way here a while ago. Slow walker I say” nodding my head laughing “it’s a shame both fathers are no example, but you know what Chris. The party must go on, I got a tear in my eye just watching my great grandchild, the praises of god just for him. I loved it here, you not coming to Barbados? We can continue the celebration?” shaking my head “not this time” looking over at Robyn, her still being annoyed with me still gets to me but I have a lot of making up to do.

(CW: Suicide/Abuse/Mental Illness)

How do I survive quarantine with a fucking Goblin?

Here’s her Rage-O-Meter. Yes. I made one about a year or so ago. I’m not sure how accurate this is for most absolutely nightmarish household matriarchies, but yes, this is what it’s like for us. I shortened the meanings on the actual drawing, but I’ll explain them more fully.

Level 1: Doesn’t say anything, keeps to herself. The best case scenario, things are pleasant. Not to be confused with the silent treatment.

Level 2: Says semi-nice things (you know, the fake nice and the lovebombing, but saying things in a way to still be vindictive and hurtful, yet trying to butter you up so that she can easily manipulate you into doing her bidding for her.

Level 2.5: Monkey Videos on YouTube. She will consistantly knock and burst into the room, demanding your attention to show you videos of primates doing “monkey business”.

Level 3: Overly chatty, hums, sings, talks to herself. Or the TV. Or her phone. She just makes noise to make noise. She loves the sound of her voice. The neighbors have asked if we have had company over before.

Level 4: Overly needy, talks about trauma. By this, I don’t mean that she needs support. Or that she needs to talk about her trauma with someone to process it. I mean that she will be consistently asking you accusatory questions about everyday life stuff, like if you can go clean up one of her spills, or let the cat into your room, or if you can go to the store to pick up Pepsi and Coffee Creamer for her. Like, every 5 minutes, until you do something to please her. And then, once you’re doing the task, she will tell you endless stories about traumatic events that happened to her.

Level 5: Insults you outright, says she’s joking. Self explanatory. Typical gaslighting tactic. Will say that you’re “too sensitive” or “you need to take criticism better”, but, hypothetically, she said that you look like an “ugly fucking streetwalker” to your face.

Level 6: Mutters insults, then calls you insulting names while slamming the door. Another self-explanation in the title.

Level 7: Starts fights over little things, more personal insults. “Oh, you didn’t do the dishes today? That’s because I never loved you and I wish you were dead, you worthless slob.”

Level 8: Screaming, Slamming, “EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT!”

Level 9: Brings personal health, home and traumatic experiences into the argument. For instance, I once asked her if we could talk about things, and asked if she could be a less hostile, like not slamming doors and windows or yelling at me. She lost it and started screaming, getting in my face and pointing. It’s always the same stuff I’m the hostile one, she’s the victim, she doesn’t abuse us and if we tell anyone, she will ruin our lives basically, etc. And then she threatened to call emergency transport for being “emotionally unstable” because I started crying and then started having a panic attack.

Level 10: Threatens Eviction or Abandonment. Either she threatens to kick us out, evict us, or leave us on our own. I would love for her to move out and leave us on our own, but all of these are empty threats. In a nutshell, she threatened to call senior services on us because we didn’t want to go to the store to get her a couple 2-liters of Pepsi because it’s LITERALLY killing her, and then she tried to extort us for $2,000 or she would call them on us for “neglecting her needs”.

Level 11: Threatens Suicide, locks herself in the bathroom. Partner’s older sister took her own life. Partner is rightfully still upset about it. MIL Goblin tries to make her suicide about herself, and as the ultimate threat to get her way. Once, she took way more of her morphine than she needed to, hid the money order for the rent (from imaginary home invaders) and then threatened to kill herself if we didn’t find a way to pay the rent for her. It’s fucked up. She will threaten this, and then lock herself in the bathroom and cry loudly, or her room and do the same. Just to get what she wants.

Anyway, we’ve been between a Level 2-Level 7 in the last 24 hours. This whole month of being unemployed and quarantined with her has been gruesome, to say the least. Here’s what happened today:

She has been talking shit all day about Partner and I, to my face, while I was in the kitchen, living room and dining room, cleaning. This is why I wait until we’re at a level 1 and she’s in her room minding her own business, singing along to Sia or Rihanna.

She just abruptly asked me out of the blue “Hey, are you telling our neighbor what’s going on within OUR household? He asked me something and the way he phrased it, like, “If you all are getting along” and it was weird to me because I don’t tell him shit! Are you telling him lies about me?” Typical abusive shit. She doesn’t want anyone to know that she’s anything but polite, cordial, well mannered and above all, a victim. She wants more flying monkeys to add to her flock, so she can get more people to turn their backs on us. Then, she goes on to bad mouth Partner, her son, for a while. Then, she mentioned that there’s cat puke on the vacuum and how she refuses to clean it up, because she’s “cleaned up enough old people puke when she was working.” I told her that I’m the one that cleans up the cat puke because P is easily grossed out by vomit. She called him a “pussy”, and then told me that I need to discuss that with him. After that, she told me she’s going to throw away P’s old aquarium in the closet because “we don’t have room for shit we haven’t used in 10 years” and that “He’s gonna becomes a hoarder.” I told her that she needs to discuss that with him. She goes on, calls P some more horrible things, and I just walk away.

P came home, and she started slamming shit, he mentioned that it really hurts that she would talk shit about him all day long, and then be absolutely shitty to him at home, by slamming doors and yelling at him, when he didn’t do anything to her.

She says “I told her that in confidence!”

Partner said “Why would you expect my girlfriend to not tell me that you were bad mouthing me?”

MIL goes “Oh, well, if we aren’t keeping secrets, she told me that you like to jack off in front of her before sex!”

P: “When?”

MIL: “I don’t know! Like 6 months ago!”

P: “Sure, Mom, my girlfriend tells you what we do in bed.”

P then comes and checks in with me, and he told me she said that about me and I was horrified and confused! Not only that she thinks I would share that with her, but because that isn’t true at all. We mention a lot about a certain comedian for being a horrible person for jacking off in front of others, but that’s about it. P says that maybe that’s what that was about.

Partner says that she wasn’t always like this, that something flipped inside of her during his childhood. Maybe that happened, or maybe he was disillusioned by the fact that most of us don’t see our parents with faults and as human, until it’s already too late most of the time.

HALSEY - NOW OR NEVER [4.25] In which we're reminded of someone else...

Katie Gill: I'm not predisposed to like Halsey. She's very much style over substance, something that is 100 per cent apparent with this total package: a visually stunning and viscerally interesting music video that's accompanied by an alright song. It's telling that pretty much every music publication is talking about the video over the song, so I'll lemming right off that cliff and do the same. The thing that makes the sort of longform narrative music video like "Telephone" or even "Thriller" work is that the song's good enough to hold up the concept. With "Now or Never," a song that I can't decide if it was rejected by Rihanna or rejected by the Weeknd, the song falls flat. It's the final project for Filmmaking 101 scored by a CD found in the back of the radio room at the last minute. [3]

Will Rivitz: It's a nearly pitch-perfect ripoff of Rihanna's "Needed Me," particularly in the chorus. Pity points because the original was so good, but at least try to be subtler about aping your influences. [2]

Will Adams: Songwriters and A&Rs are pissing themselves because their livelihood -- which already exists in a crumbling, scrambling industry -- has been placed in a vice by people who don't understand the difference between "sounds a lot like" and "definite plagiarism." Of course, given the way modern pop music is marketed and created -- with everything defined in relation to everything else, where soundalikes and references are essential to get anyone to give a shit -- they're doubly screwed. So here we have "Now or Never," which I spotted as a "Needed Me" retread even before the chorus' winding melisma: it's got the same drum pattern (two kicks followed by a trap snare), bass rhythm (hold for a half-note, then off), and identical tempo (111 BPM, going in half-time). As of now there haven't been any litigious rumblings from Rihanna's team, but I fear them deeply. Similar though the two songs may be, the gray area between influence and imitation can't afford much more slashing. The song itself: it's fine. Though I was never too invested in Halsey, I did worry what "Closer" would mean for her career. Turns out: flailing her way through a Rihanna impression, that is, sounding like everyone else. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: Christ, everything on the radio really does sound like the xx now. Except the xx's main draw was intimacy, and on pop radio lately you'll more likely find contempt and its aftermath. "Now or Never" is another plaint from the same neglected girl with the same scratchy-gamine voice, singing in implied response to the same indifferent bro. Halsey's chorus is like you drilled a hole in a washing machine then shoved the hook to "Needed Me" down it, and pity whoever heard it without the processing. (Starrah, the writer, wrote this too -- she was probably going originally for Future, but is this going to be the next vocal quirk she Sias into ubiquity? God help karaoke.) Benny Blanco's track wallows in low-effort moroseness. But like lots of radio bleakness, I'm sure this will sound right on the way home at 12 a.m., which is its purpose. Also, I may also have given a point for the swords-and-mockery album title Hopeless Fountain Kingdom. [5]

William John: There's discord between the histrionic Halsey aesthetic and her vocal on "Now or Never," which is so dispassionate and unconvincing, it's almost as if it were the placeholder for the placeholder. Perhaps, in this hopeless fountain kingdom where capital letters are ostensibly barred, aloofness is a paragon virtue. Nonetheless, when a deadline of "now" for confirmation of love is repeated seven times over, twice, in three separate choruses, I would've expected less pallid, undynamic nonchalance and more tangible evidence of desperation. [3]

Jonathan Bradley: One of my favorite songs last year was Halsey's "Tokyo Narita (Freestyle)," a snippet of faded, post-Drake feelings-dump that partitioned romantic trauma behind transport modes and record releases ("Told the driver keep it going: he could run the meter/So we could finally hear Views on some decent speakers"). I loved even more her Chainsmokers collab "Closer," which carved in its clean lines of pop melody the poses and self-deceiving pretensions of early adulthood. "Now or Never" exists somewhere between these two, neither as dopily effective as "Closer" nor as restlessly ill-formed as "Tokyo." It is, however, an example of how Halsey has honed the life-as-trendpiece declarations of the still dreadful "New Americana" into an earnestness so concerted it becomes engaging even as it is uncomfortable. And if it has a chorus determined to be featureless, it has something unusual in this contemporary synth-pop that models itself on the quantized bones of hip-hop and EDM: a middle-eight so old-fashioned it could have been refashioned from a pop-punk single. [6]

Alfred Soto: I can't figure out Halsey: who she plays, what feelings she's supposed to be projecting. The clipped, impatient verses sustain some tension, but the chorus words like place holders. [4]

Joshua Copperman: Nothing is more frustrating than musician/PR copy that's all talk and no results. A band that promises a return to more experimental music and puts forward something literally made in GarageBand; a band that claims to change up their sound only to release the mockbuster version of Boxer; and now, Halsey, who has a whole concept in her head about the album and promises something challenging, comes out with "Now Or Never." It's kind of sad watching people react to the video and song after listening to a lengthy podcast with her thoroughly discussing her ideas. But it's also sad watching her come out with something that doesn't nearly seem to express her full capabilities. It's especially not as compelling as "Gasoline," but I'm rooting for her anyway, and it's definitely a grower, even the Auto-Tuned "hey." Then again, I also find "Needed Me" to be forgettable, but have had this stuck in my head since it came out, so what do I know? [6]

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