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animalhead · 6 years

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Top 10 Albums/Songs of 2017

Having a baby is tough. You really don’t get to listen to a ton of new music. For that reason, I don’t consider this to be my best-ever list. I used to think being a dad meant having a tool for every job and a flannel for every occasion. Now I know being a dad means never having clean pants and almost putting Ed Sheeran in your Top 10 Albums list. So it goes.

2017 ALBUMS 10. Jake Xerxes Fussell - What in the Natural World - Jake is still doing his organic folk thing. And I'm still listening.

9. Shakey Graves And The Horse He Rode In On (Nobody's Fool And The Donor Blues EP) - This is a smart and interesting indie folk album that my sister recommended to me. Only listened a couple times, but really dug it.

8. Kamasi Washington - Harmony of Difference - He's keeping jazz cool and that's A-OK in my book.

7. Foo Fighters - Concrete and Gold - Thank goodness we got our old Foo Fighters back. No more theme albums please.

6. Hiss Golden Messenger - Hallelujah Anyhow - This is a really great Sunday morning coffee album. Ryan Adams watch out.

5. Laura Marling - Semper Femina - Laura is doing what Nick Drake used to do, and Nick Drake is one of my favorites of all time. The first track alone is enough to vault this one into my list.

4. Kendrick Lamar - DAMN. - This was the album I ran to all year. Kendrick dove deep and now he's on his way up for air. I also think "HUMBLE." is the most fun hit single of the year.

3. The Staves & yMusic - The Way is Read - The Staves are like a beautiful vine that has been slowly growing and budding. Their partnering with yMusic (whom I know nothing about) has given them a wonderful trellis to climb and expand. This is crucial listening.

2. King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Sketches of Brunswick East - I stumbled on this album when I was painting my dining room. It's cool, interesting, and listenable. I'm going to start following these guys closely.

1. Willie Watson - Folksinger Vol. 2 - I listened to this album the most this year. No one has more respect for roots folk than Willie Watson; you can hear it in the way he commits to every song on this album. "Lift Him Up" is chicken soup for our collective soul.

2017 SONGS 10. Imagine Dragons - Thunder - Not ashamed. every time this played during a pregame football show, I was nodding my head. 9. Meghan Trainor - Me Too - I have a thing for Meghan. 8. The Claypool Lennon Delirium - Satori - So glad this pair is continuing. 7. Sblmnl - Under The Snow - Sblmnl can do no wrong. Every time he comes on I ask "wow, what's that?" 6. Flosstradamus - Tern it Up - Love a good beat drop. 5. Sam Smith - Too Good At Goodbyes - Dat larynx. 4. St. Vincent - Pills - St. Vincent is steadily shedding her reservations and it rules. I hope she's ok though. 3. The Flying Stars of Brooklyn NY - My God Has a Telephone - Some ear syrup for you. 2. Courtney Barnett/Kurt Vile - Over Everything - These two are just adorable. 1. Ed Sheeran - Perfect - My best buddy got married a couple months back and this was their first dance song. As stated above, side effect of dad-hood.

BONUS - TOP 6 CHRISTMAS SONGS 6. Brook Benton - This Time of Year 5. James Taylor - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas 4. Greensleeves / What Child Is This? 3. John Lennon - Happy Christmas (War is Over) 2. Tom Waits - Silent Night / Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis (Live) [[Just watch - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STXF9PZkjSQ]] 1. Joni Mitchell - River BONUS BONUS - TOP 10 MOST HATED CHRISTMAS SONGS (about which I am more than willing to debate and provide reasons) 10. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus 9. Bruce Springsteen - Santa Claus is Coming To Town 8. Paul McCartney - Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time 7. Johnny Mathis - We Need a Little Christmas 6. Dan Fogleberg - Same Old Lang Syne 5. NewSong - Christmas Shoes 4. Clay Aiken - Mary Did You Know 3. Julie Andrews - A Few of My Favorite Things 2. Band Aid - Feed The World 1. Jose Feliciano - Feliz Navidad Happy Holidays, ya filthy animals.

#top 10 songs #Top 10 Albums #top 10 lists

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retroshu · 4 years

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Top 9 of 2019

To check out the Spotify Playlist clink on this link:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1nsaQF4MkHKWC2SZ2EYnaP?si=VokzrVvrTdqnZW76njsCwA

Honorable Mentions:

Unwritten (Pomplamoose)

This is totally not a 2019 written song, but it still was a Pomplamoose Jam session RECORDED song for 2019! This was on total repeat for me because of the awesome funk breakdown in the bridge. Have a listen and grooooooove.

While We're Young (Huey Lewis & The News)

Just recently released, I couldn’t help but check out what HL&TN had written and recorded after 20 years... and this new song does not disappoint with infectious hooks and catchy licks peppered throughout the song. Cheesy lyrics still feel just right: Now, here we are/Getting older/Wondering what we'll be/Life is short/Let's take advantage of/Every opportunity. Sad that the band had to cancel their long awaited tour because of Huey’s diagnosis of Ménière's disease. Looking forward to their new short album that will be released in the new year!

Jesus is King (Kanye West)

This album was definitely not on repeat for me, but it has such interesting songs and felt more like an experimental album than a fully-crafted “masterpiece”. I’m sure Closed on Sunday/You ma chick fil-a will be meme-able for a long time, but I do appreciate the subtle things on this album like Yeezy’s own evolving expression of faith and him reconnecting with some his other recording partners who became Christians. I do hope He gets discipled by the right people and keeps following Jesus the King in all spheres of his life 👍🏼🙏🏼

9. Miracle (Tauren Wells)

Wells is definitely seeking to be the CCM version of Michael Jackson and from the looks of it, and the polish of his production team, it certainly sounds that way! The lyrics aren't much to dig into, but MJ... would possibly be flattered.

8. King of Kings (Hillsong)

When I first heard this song, it went straight to my heart. As a worship pastor, I’ve always wanted to see Hillsong get deeper with their lyrics and the past decade they’ve been proving it. This song is straight GOSPEL. Not the “Jesus died for my sins” reduced view, but a fuller, wider, biblically whole gospel that is needed. Praise the Father, praise the Son/Praise the Spirit, three in one/God of glory, Majesty/Praise forever to the King of Kings.

7. Kids - MPLS Version (Ben Rector)

Ben Rector returns in 2019 with a live album and this Groove-tastic Studio Recorded Remix Album! Basically, this is BR x Cory Wong’s Band! If you like Vulfpeck and Cory Wong stuff, this remixed version at a live recording studio reinterprets last year’s Magic album with a Cory Wong edge! Start with this version of Kids and not bop your head or shake your knees. I dare ya!

6. Orphans (Coldplay)

This song first started as just a great bassline, but the more I delved into the lyrics, the more it always reveals the depth of lyrical creativity that Martin & Co seeks for. Their album was written for positivity insight of the “perceived negativity” in the world (in their words). Orphans has the two sides down pat, with Martin singing about bombs killing those who should just be able to have a normal Everyday Life... Of course there’s much interesting religious connotations with Chris Martin, but this song has just been fascinating to listen to... and the music is not bad too.

5. Outta My Head w/ John Mayer (Khaled)

Love song + Great hook + John Mayer solo = Hit.

4. I Guess I Just Feel Like (John Mayer)

I probably can’t hide my bias of JM fandom, and this song is just part of the journey. Mayer has been releasing singles more frequently instead of albums because he believes people consume songs more with this bite-sized medium. Though I did not enjoy his last single, Carry Me Away, this song which was released at the beginning of the year, has stuck around with me. This song which is soberingly written, has haunted me this past year, but I still hold on to hope... and the guitar solo that was recorded on a cheap Blues Jr was 👌🏼

3. Cruel Summer (Taylor Swift)

Yes, yes, yes... I can’t believe TayTay beat out JM this year, but I have to be truthful. I probably listened to this song & album more than any of JM’s 2019 songs (of course never more than his whole catalog which is on regular repeat). I also found TS’s songs The Man, I Think He Knows and You Need To Calm Down were all hits. Ultimately, Cruel Summer was the most catchiest and most listenable for the past summer.

2. Great Things (Shane & Shane)

When I first heard S&S’ version of Phil Wickham’s song... I was literally like 😮. This song has been a rallying cry for me this year and as our Christmas Band led this song on Christmas Day, I will also lead it to kick off the new year as well. This song isn’t to say that all we’ve seen has been “Great Things” from God every moment, every minute of our lives... but to trust that He has done great things, and have the faith that He WILL DO Great Things... even in the midst of the suffering and pain. You've been faithful through every storm/You'll be faithful forevermore/You have done great things/And I know You will do it again/For Your promise is "Yes and amen"/You will do great things/God, You do great things. I continue to put my trust and hope in Christ.

1. Motivational Music for the Syncopated Soul - Album (Cory Wong)

This whole album is just STINKIN’ AMAZING! Granted Cory Wong, Vulfpeck and Jam Band music isn’t for everybody... but if you haven’t listened to this album yet... STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND HAVE A LISTEN!

Standout Tracks:

Limited World - 1st track and just the epitome of a jam band, Cory Wong-style strat-sounding rubber-wrist-funk-flicks he’s known for!

Lunchtime - Best track on the album IMHO. The bass line by Sonny Thompson is so CRAZY that Cory can only shout “Sonny!” at the end! This song... is just straight up... INCREDIBLE.

Cosmic Sans - Not Comic Sans, but this song is so good it’s considered it’s own FONT! Featuring contributions by guitar prodigy Tom Misch, go have a listen to this wah-wah/funk track with an awesome breakdown at the end.

Today I’m Gonna Get Myself a Real Job - This is not a song on repeat, but hits so much of the “feels” with musical artists who have a hard time doing music as a living... Sigh, I wish I could...

Starting Line - Featuring Emily C. Browning is just a great song that highlights Cory’s brilliant guitar chops!

Look, all the songs are fantastic, Cory is just an amazing optimistic soul and we all need some funk & groove in our lives... so just go listen and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR YA FILTHY ANIMALS! 😁🙏🏼

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c1tyhaunts · 11 months

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alright squad, happy sunday ya filthy animals. here's a ranking of the muses based strictly on horny energy.

1―Terrah;; here me out, right. Terrah is deceivingly straight-laced; she is dressed in baggy clothes, low maintenance make up, and comes off as quiet and collected. she has the cross still hanging from her neck like she's ready for Sunday prayer at a moment's notice. but you can see it in her EYES, something about that sleepy, dark grey gaze seems to be flirting with you and undressing you in the moment. Terrah doesn't chase, she attracts, and once someone's caught, it's game over. her words always have a double meaning to them, subtly flirting until she gets her way if she likes you. it's unrelentless horny, and she stays cool while it happens. and when ya fuckin? y'all be fuckin. thanks religious trauma & repression. solid 9/10.

2―Elvira;; Ivy be out here making their intentions known from the jump: if they like you, they like you and will make it known until they're rejected. they're cocky with it too, cause with Ivy, you know she's not going to bullshit you. she'll lay out expectations the moment her sentiments are reciprocated, speaking from the heart all the things she wants to do, until the sun comes up. However, as hot as Ivy can come off, they can be equally cold in the same breath. She flip-flops often, which is why she's 2nd on the horny energy list. 7.5/10

3―Avian;; in a shocking upset, Avi comes in 3rd because of her desire for genuine intimacy and connection. Her issue is that she doesn't know how to convey the right amount of horny/caring energy, and is prone to more spontaneous mistakes than calculated moves like Terrah. If emotions & energy is high, Avian will fall to her horny energy and go with the flow if the other person is into it. next morning's sentiments may vary, most likely, however, Avi would probably be very... very angry. With herself more than the other person. She'll ask for five hail marys afterward. Also see: religious trauma. 6/10

4―Lilah;; now, I know what you're thinking: "Lilah is so outgoing and teasing to everyone who cross her, why is she the last in horny level" CAUSE IT'S AN ACT. Lilah is a LIAR. Call her Lilah Lyar in this bitch cause homegirl's horny levels? Probably a solid 2/10 on a good day. She knows how to do the calculated moves that make anyone assume she's DTF, but she's cold like Ivy in terms of the follow-through. She's a tease and she's fine with that, and you really, really have to win her over or click with her to get her horny level up to a 5/10.

#▶⌜ch. terrah v. sparkz⌟#▶⌜ch. lilah eve lyons⌟#▶⌜ch. avian delilah esparza⌟#▶⌜terrah sparkz. lore⌟#▶⌜lilah lyons. lore⌟#▶⌜avian esparza. lore⌟#someone: wait then how did the devil get with Lilah #me: IT'S THE DEVIL. IT'S COERSION.#anyway I was thinking p hard about this #▶⌜ch. elvira t. delauris⌟#▶⌜elvira d'angelo. lore⌟

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helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog · 6 years

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Justin Timberlake's Birthday Just Keeps Getting Better as He Teases Three New Songs Off His New Album

Even though it's his birthday, Justin Timberlake keeps giving us gifts.

The birthday boy, who turned 37 on Wednesday, posted a trio of candid Instagram videos teasing three new songs off of his upcoming album, Man of the Woods. The three posts stand as a sort of three-act play. The first was a tease of an unnamed song, which Timberlake previewed for fans as he got a haircut. In the vid, he grooves along to a dance beat, clearly having a fantastic day and reminding viewers that his newest album is named after his 2-year-old son, Silas.

"By the way, the album is named after my son, OK? His name means 'of the woods,' so stop telling me I'm making a country album," Timberlake says laughing. "I'm really feeling myself on my birthday right now."

I feel like @djkhaled right now!!! NEW SONG ALERT! Birthday vibes! Thanks everybody for the bday love!!! And the cut @nellichristine.

A post shared by Justin Timberlake (@justintimberlake) on Jan 31, 2018 at 1:02pm PST

A few hours later, Timberlake posted a video of himself during his eight-hour rehearsal for Sunday's Super Bowl halftime performance, teasing the song "Montana." He spins around in a circle on the 50-yard line at U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis, Minnesota, dancing and lip syncing to a decidedly Bee Gees-like groove.

Bday rehearsals. Still feeling myself..? YES. This is a song called MONTANA. @pharrell @chadhugo Man Of The Woods. 2/2

A post shared by Justin Timberlake (@justintimberlake) on Jan 31, 2018 at 5:45pm PST

The "Filthy" singer wrapped up his night with a very animated third clip, whooping as he shares, "Whoo! The birthday celebration continues!"

Timberlake can be seen grooving to his new song, "Higher Higher," a soulful jam with the singer's trademark falsetto. "Still my bday!! I’m having too much fun! ⚠️More new music alert⚠️ This is a song called HIGHER HIGHER," he captioned the vid.

Still my bday!! I’m having too much fun! ⚠️More new music alert⚠️ This is a song called HIGHER HIGHER. @pharrell @chadhugo Man Of The Woods. 2/2

A post shared by Justin Timberlake (@justintimberlake) on Jan 31, 2018 at 7:58pm PST

Overall, not a bad day for the hard-working Timberlake.

He also got some high-profile "happy birthday" messages from folks like Jimmy Fallon and Ellen DeGeneres, whose wife, Portia de Rossi, shares the same birthday.

Happy Birthday @jtimberlake!!! Here’s to many more years of bro biking and Drip Drops! Love ya bro! #ManOfTheWoods#SuperBowlHalftime#Birthday#WhatAWeek

— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) February 1, 2018

Happy birthday, @JTimberlake and @KerryWashington! Did you know you share a birthday with Portia de Rossi? I knew there was a reason I liked you both.

— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) January 31, 2018

And, of course, there was a sweet message from Timberlake's wife, Jessica Biel.

"Here's to a spectacular year ahead. I'm so proud of all you've accomplished and all that is ahead for you. Plus, you're a super-hot dad. A ninja dad. A kiddie teeth brushing, Jedi sleep mind tricking, intimidating dad voice disciplining SUPER HOT DAD," Biel wrote on Instagram. "I love you, you hot dad. I'm here, right by your side, OG fan girl #1."

A picture says a thousand words. And thank goodness because there aren't enough to express ALL the aspects of my love and respect for you. Here's to a spectacular year ahead. I'm so proud of all you've accomplished and all that is ahead for you. plus you're a super hot dad. A ninja dad. A kiddie teeth brushing, Jedi sleep mind tricking, intimidating dad voice disciplining SUPER HOT DAD. I love you, you hot dad.. I'm here, right by your side, OG fan girl #1. Happy birthday, my beloved. Now go crush it this weekend at SB LII.

A post shared by Jessica Biel (@jessicabiel) on Jan 31, 2018 at 1:00pm PST

Timberlake's Man of the Woods drops Feb. 2.

For what to expect from his upcoming Super Bowl performance, watch the video below.

RELATED CONTENT:

Justin Timberlake Is Rehearsing 8 to 10 Hours a Day for Super Bowl Halftime Show (Exclusive)

Alicia Keys Gushes Over 'Man of the Woods' Collaboration With Justin Timberlake (Exclusive)

Justin Timberlake Kisses Eiza González in Futuristic 'Supplies' Video: Watch!

#_revsp:new_provider_with_logo_342 #_lmsid:a0VK0000001yfWcMAI #_uuid:3114efa7-1738-3ae9-a692-8903999f2fc0

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junker-town · 7 years

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Our 9 favorite left-handed players to ever play in the NBA

Who’s your all-time favorite player who shot the ball left-handed?

Sunday was International Left-handers Day, because it just being Sunday would have been entirely too predictable. It made us wonder: who are the best left-handed players in NBA history?

Left-handedness in the NBA hits a happy medium for professional sports. On one extreme, there’s baseball, a sport where decisions and lineups are made based on a player’s handedness. On the other is football, where you’ll never know which hand is the dominant one for any position but quarterback. In basketball, left-handedness has a meaningful effect on the game itself, but it also mostly manifests itself aesthetically. Something about a left-handed jump shot seems beautiful, perhaps just because we don’t see it as often.

We went through and identified about nine players who are the best left-handers through the league’s history, albeit with some important qualifications.

The best left-hander, straight up: Bill Russell

The undisputed top left-handed has to be the 11-time champion and iconic Hall of Famer. Russell rarely, if ever, took jump shots.

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The best left-hander for 90’s nostalgia: Toni Kukoc

That is 3x NBA Champion Toni Kukoc to you. Member of the 72-10 Chicago Bulls. A Croatian basketball star who was one of the first European players to really establish themselves in the NBA. A guy who could play any position, really. May we never forget the impact of this lefty in basketball history.

Best left-hander who wasn’t really a lefty: Larry Bird

Hello. We don’t talk enough about how Larry Bird had perhaps the most savage, ruthless, I-don’t-give-an-eff sports performance in history. One game, bored by his normal right-handed shooting, Bird decided to go an entire game shooting only with his left-hand.

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He scored 47 points.

That’s just dumb.

The best left-handed Sixth Man ever: Lamar Odom

Lamar Odom was one of the most exciting part of the Lakers back-to-back title runs in 2009 and 2010. The year he finally won actual 6th Man of the Year, he averaged 14.4 points, 8.7 rebounds and three assists per game. He also shot 53 percent from the floor while being a 6’10 big man that could pass like a point guard. One of the original point forwards of the game before it became commonplace today. He was such a joy to watch on the court.

Best Left-Hander under six feet tall - Isaiah Thomas

No one can scare the 5’9 Isaiah Thomas on the basketball court. After being drafted 60th in the 2011 NBA draft, and doubted by the Suns and Kings, he finally found a home in Boston and it’s the perfect spot for him. He is constantly embarrassing players that are taller than him and that isn’t going to end anytime soon. He’s the King of the Fourth Quarter in the most unconventional way. Left handed and 5’9.

The best left-hander that I (Whitney Medworth) love: CJ Miles

I am the leader of the C.J. Miles fan club and it’s the most excited I get about anything in the NBA these days. CJ is one of those players that gets traded onto your team in a random summer and you don’t give him much thought until he’s suddenly your favorite player in the league. On the court, he’s a sharp shooter who is money from the three-point line if a team ever would ever him proper minutes or put him in the right situations. Off the court, he and his wife have two dogs named Shaq and Penny. He’s also easily one of the best locker room interviews in the league today. 3J forever.

#NationalDogDay #ShaqAndPennyGotBackTogether

A post shared by Cj Miles (@masfresco) on Aug 26, 2015 at 5:13pm PDT

Sorry, I can’t stop showing off how good Shaq and Penny are.

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals from my family to yours ❤ . . . : @thesinersphotography

A post shared by Lauren Miles (@iamlaurenmiles) on Dec 25, 2016 at 8:28am PST

The best left-hander that I (Tim Cato) hate: Manu Ginobili

I actually love Manu. More than maybe anyone else on this list, he embodies left-handedness. Everything about his game centered around his shooting arm — his blink-and-you-miss-it release and his downward tilts towards the rim that always, inevitably ended up going left, even when everyone in the building knew that’s where Ginobili wanted to go. But as a Mavericks fan in the past decade, it’s a mandate that I hate — “hate” — Ginobili for all the times he buried Dallas with clutch jumpers and unbelievable shots.

The best left-hander whose career was cut way too short: Michael Redd

We might talk about Michael Redd the same way we talk about Ray Allen if it wasn’t for the injuries. The sweet-shootin’ left-hander was on the same career path for a while, only to see a twice-torn ACL and MCL end his career prematurely. But while Redd did hit more than 1,000 threes in his abruptly shortened career, the dude was gifted in so many other ways. Here he was at his peak.

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Honorable mention: Chris Bosh, who probably won’t ever play in the NBA again even though he’s only 33. Still, he had a Hall of Fame career and will be honored for that.

The most fun left-hander ever: Nick Van Exel

I will not accept arguments for anyone else. Nick The Quick was a Swaggy P and J.R Smith combination for the early 2000s, and he was wonderful.

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Other notable left-handers in NBA history, if that’s what you’re looking for

David Robinson, Chris Mullin, Bob Lanier, Tiny Archibald, Artis Gilmore, James Harden, Lenny Wilkens, Willis Reed, Tayshaun Prince, Zach Randolph, Jalen Rose, Mike Conley, David Lee, Gail Goodrich, Brandon Jennings, Anthony Mason, Derek Fisher

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othersportsnews-blog · 7 years

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What do athletes do when they have to pee for the duration of video games?

New Post has been published on https://othersportsnews.com/what-do-athletes-do-when-they-have-to-pee-for-the-duration-of-video-games/

What do athletes do when they have to pee for the duration of video games?

This story appears in ESPN The Magazine’s Entire body Difficulty 2017. Subscribe currently!

AS JORDAN GROSS jogged off the area at Lender of The usa Stadium in opposition to the Giants, Panthers supporters cheered and high-fived him without the need of recognizing exactly where by he was headed.

Gross just could not dismiss the urge any for a longer period. It’s possible it was the humidity or all that sweet tea, but in 2013, after a 10 years of enjoying tackle in Carolina, Gross experienced last but not least achieved his lavatory breaking stage. It truly is easy math, genuinely: Gamers consume gallons of water but won’t be able to depart the area for even thirty seconds for fear of a turnover going on midstream. Over the many years, Gross experienced tried each and every strategy NFL gamers and other hyper-hydrated athletes use to surreptitiously relieve by themselves for the duration of video games. He’d experimented with the time-honored slow release into his pants, but they were being white, for starters, and it just remaining Gross emotion soggy and slow. He kind of appreciated the “T-Pee curtain” process, likely inside a hut of towels or parkas. But stressing that his teammates would prank him by going for walks absent midflow occasionally gave Gross stage fright — aka paruresis, or what urologists refer to as “ballpark bladder.” His restricted pants, no-fly spandex and all the tape on his gloved arms and mangled fingers designed it cumbersome to kneel driving the bench and pee into a cup (a process that was so well known among the his teammates that rookies often experienced a tricky time differentiating which cups contained true Gatorade).

And so, in a single of the last property video games of his occupation, for the duration of a Tv set timeout with the defense on the area, the 3-time Professional Bowl blocker figured he experienced absolutely nothing to lose — he would proudly march off the area toward a small lavatory used generally by area team, where by for when he could pee in peace.

Or so he believed. Inside the lavatory, Gross was virtually straight away slip-sliding about the polished concrete floor in his cleats and struggling mightily with his gloves and pants. When his sweaty, filthy shoulder pads bumped the temple of a lover in a Cam Newton jersey next to him, Gross realized appropriate urinal etiquette necessary him to try small talk.

“Heck of a match,” Gross blurted with a nod to the dumbfounded lover.

“The man is staring at me, and I’m completely conscious of how strange this circumstance is, and now it’s all delaying the pee procedure,” states Gross, who, sources say, was in far too substantially of a hurry to clean his arms. “Bad man almost certainly paid a fortune for a area go for the reason that he preferred to know what it was like driving the scenes at a large-time sporting occasion. Nicely, now he is familiar with.”

Former Panthers tackle Jordan Gross was no lover of the slow-release process well known among the many of his brethren. Streeter Lecka/Getty Photographs

THE SHEER FREQUENCY and impressive pull of the pee break will make urine possibly the most influential and disruptive liquid in sporting activities. In simple fact, the most fundamental of bodily functions is these a strong power that it causes even the most disciplined, experienced bodies in the globe to do some wonderfully strange and occasionally revolting issues. “Each individual solitary athlete has to deal with this in a distinct way, but a single point is the same: No a single ever talks about it,” states Jocelyne Lamoureux-Davidson of the U.S. women’s nationwide hockey group. “It truly is a rather common point we all share, relative to everybody: Absolutely everyone has to go.”

In 2012, Angels pitcher Jered Weaver was just 3 outs from a no-hitter when faced with that acquainted conundrum. To everyone’s terrific shock, Weaver dismissed more than a century of baseball superstition and bolted off the bench and down into the clubhouse lavatory with his knees pinched. That’s just how ferocious nature’s simply call can be: Sports immortality suddenly pales in comparison to the sweet reduction that arrives with release. Weaver, although, returned to the mound and, unburdened, put absent 3 more batters to come to be the tenth pitcher in Angels heritage to throw a no-hitter.

By having reduction responsibilities into his possess arms, Weaver designed a decision that validated a groundbreaking paper published the same yr by Brown University. In it, neurology professor Pete Snyder found that the unpleasant need to have to urinate impairs bigger-purchase cognitive functions — issues like speedy decision-building, challenge-solving and performing memory — on a degree analogous with drunken driving.

“Consider you happen to be an athlete, you’ve just eaten a preposterous quantity of liquid on a sizzling working day, you won’t be able to get off the area and you happen to be in horrible pain,” Snyder states. “When we’re in pain, our initial reaction is to act like any other animal and reduce the pain and get out of harm’s way no make a difference what.”

Snyder clarifies that there are centers deep inside of the brain that maintain homeostasis, or normal bodily functions these as respiratory, heartbeat and urination. The pain and disruption prompted by keeping urine for far too extended essentially sets off alarms that dampen cognitive things to do in the frontal lobes — the kinds athletes in particular depend on — in purchase for the body to manage more proximal issues.

Snyder fed his subjects 250 milliliters of water (around 8.five ounces) each and every 15 minutes right until they achieved their “breaking stage.” That ingestion, although, is just a fall in a bucket compared with what most elite athletes must consume in a hardly ever-ending procedure of preserving their bodies hydrated via each day cycles of perspiration, urination and rehydration. A three hundred-pound football participant needs 192 ounces of water each day to maintain normal hydration. On match working day in sizzling climates? He’ll need to have an additional 128 ounces to exchange the gallon or so of body pounds he’ll sweat out in the trenches. That signifies his ingestion on Sundays alone should be around adequate to fill a small fish tank. And Snyder states the pain prompted by striving to maintain back again all that fluid can build the same degree of cognitive impairment as staying awake for 24 hrs straight. All of which led Snyder to a solitary, deeply scientific conclusion for athletes:

When ya gotta go?

Go for the gold.

Through his enjoying days its rumored Manny Ramirez used the Green Monster as his particular outhouse. Jim Rogash/Getty Photographs

Thanks to Snyder’s research, it now will make excellent perception why Michael Phelps, the best Olympian of all time, admits he allows unfastened in the pool. It may even provide a scientific clarification for the Pink Sox phenomenon regarded as “Manny getting Manny.” In 2005, for the duration of a pitching change in Boston, outfielder Manny Ramirez claims to have stepped into the Green Monster to relieve himself — an urge so poor he virtually skipped a pitch. (“I’m just happy he came back again,” said Sox skipper Terry Francona.) It also clarifies a single of the NFL’s filthy minor insider secrets: At any offered moment on a sideline, somebody almost certainly is relieving himself even though hiding in simple sight. Or striving to. Former Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder’s alternative was rather easy: He states he moist his pants … in each and every a single of his eighty two video games as a professional. As the Chargers drove toward a late area objective in 2011, kicker Nick Novak got caught kneeling by the bench midact, many thanks to a CBS digital camera that lingered just extended adequate for the shot to involve a graphic that recommended Novak’s “goal” was the 34-property line. He fell a minor quick.

He also skipped a 53‑yard area objective.

In Detroit last season, a Lions lover attending the match with her two small children captured Washington specific-groups coordinator Ben Kotwica relieving himself next to an machines crate adorned with the NFL logo. Though the box unsuccessful to provide any true address, it did build an exquisite moment of brand name promoting with the resulting viral photograph, which captured Kotwica completely uncovered and in entire stream just inches from the revered NFL defend.

Public urination in Detroit anywhere other than the Lions sideline can charge you up to a yr in jail and a $1,000 great. But there are no guidelines in opposition to lavatory breaks in Roger Goodell’s NFL. And so it is that gamers celebrating far too substantially after a landing can often be expecting a hefty great, even though coaches and gamers are free to do the pee-pee dance on the AstroTurf.

“Guys are peeing all over the sideline in each and every match, into cups, on the ground, in towels, driving the bench, in their pants, everywhere,” states Panthers middle Ryan Kalil, who lined this subject and others in The Rookie Handbook, co-authored by Gross and Geoff Hangartner.

“You would be stunned, actually, how many gamers on the sidelines just go. I guess as athletes we are all desensitized by the total peeing-everywhere point.”

WHEN IT Comes to urination, elite male athletes fall sufferer to a kind of Superman complex. Traveling about in a skintight bodysuit and zipperless codpiece, what does Superman do if, god forbid, he needs to pee in the center of conserving Metropolis for the 87th time? Our minds don’t associate athletes with a little something as susceptible or mundane as needing to pee. As a end result, they often complete in billion-greenback facilities that have retractable roofs and moon-sized online video screens but lack a solitary rest room inside of arrive at of the area. “There is this degree of invincibility and super-hero-ness to what we do as athletes,” states former NFL lineman and ESPN analyst Mark Schlereth, whose notorious in-match rest room practices aided gain him the nickname Stink. “It truly is like that children’s ebook Absolutely everyone Poops. In sporting activities, everybody pees.”

The group shower is a area of celebration, fellowship and naked dance-offs. What it’s not? A area hostile to Michael Sam.

For ESPN The Magazine’s Entire body Difficulty, David Fleming writes about balls — the two the literal, testosterone-developing kinds, and the kinds it usually takes to get.

In ESPN The Magazine’s Entire body Difficulty, David Fleming completes his “Undercarriage Trilogy” with an assessment of the most essential element of an athlete’s body: the rear close.

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But the need to have to continue to be hydrated, blended with a maze of cultural cling-ups and poorly built facilities, results in a nightmare for athletes who are just hunting for a lavatory break.

So many runners in the New York Metropolis Marathon pee off the sides of the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge at Mile 1 that race veterans can only giggle when they hear initial-timers down below them on the lower deck talk about the unexpected “refreshing” rainstorm they professional. Earth-class cyclists even now talk in awe of the balletic way former Tour de France racer Dave Zabriskie was equipped to straighten his appropriate leg, stand tall in the saddle and urinate off the aspect of his bike even though whizzing via the French countryside at thirty mph. In 2005, when Zabriskie turned just the 3rd American to put on the correctly named yellow jersey, it gained him the privilege — in accordance to the Tour’s unwritten guidelines — to make a decision when, where by and for how extended the peloton was authorized to pee. “That’s when you know you’ve designed it in our activity,” states former teammate Christian Vande Velde. “It truly is like, ‘I just designed the total peloton halt and pee I’m the male.'”

Simply because of cultural and anatomical road blocks, female athletes are compelled to plan greater and maintain for a longer period than their male counterparts. Associates of the U.S. women’s hockey group have even been regarded to use the expulsion of urine to measure the power of an opponent’s checks. Soon after a large strike, states group member Monique Lamoureux-Morando, “you get to the bench and persons are joking about it, and you just go, ‘Yeah, crap, she just designed me tinkle a minor.'”

Brandi Chastain, a member of the legendary 1999 U.S. women’s nationwide soccer group, leaked into her cleats only when — for the duration of a single of her initial Earth Cup tactics in Haiti. She remembers it fondly. “Absolutely liberating,” she states. “It truly is tricky to come to feel unfastened when you have that kind of tension in your bladder.”

If a glimpse of Chastain’s sporting activities bra after her Cup-successful penalty kick in 1999 prompted these a preposterous uproar, she won’t be able to even think about what supporters would do if a participant currently copped a squat by the U.S. bench for the duration of a match, as so many of her male counterparts do. That solitary disparity can often depart female athletes at a significant downside. It truly is widespread for female athletes to consume significantly less — and as a result complete even worse — just for the reason that they’re nervous about how, or where by, they’re going to go to the lavatory. Through a current U.S. Olympic Committee golf outing in Oregon, when Chastain mentioned this predicament, a female golfer in her foursome cursed out the male-dominated globe of golf training course structure, then made a little something identified as P-Mate. The disposable cardboard system, designed by a firm in Broomfield, Colorado, enables girls to pee in public even though standing. “I was a minor humiliated at initial,” Chastain states. “Then I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is awesome!’ It truly is pretty distinct for the rest of us. You just won’t be able to squat in the center of a Women’s Earth Cup match. Male athletes can just build their possess lavatory.”

Former U.S. women’s nationwide soccer group participant Brandi Chastain states female athletes have a more durable time than their male counterparts: “You just won’t be able to squat in the center of a Women’s Earth Cup match. Male athletes can just build their possess lavatory.” David Madison/Getty Photographs

It truly is a present they don’t always use responsibly. Plagued by blisters on his pitching hand in 2016, the Dodgers’ Abundant Hill peed on his fingers. It truly is an aged-college treatment that dates back again to former important leaguers Moises Alou and Jorge Posada, who didn’t use batting gloves for the reason that they thought trace quantities of urea in their urine toughened their pores and skin. (Urea is a widespread component in commercial moisturizing lotions.) Posada used to alert, “You don’t want to shake my hand for the duration of spring education.”

Some sporting activities do acquire a more palatable and humane technique to the act of urination, but appropriate facilities and protocols are even now no match in opposition to millions of bucks in prize income. At grand slam tennis situations, men are permitted two potty breaks for the duration of five-established matches girls get two for 3-established matches. On the make a difference of urination, the guidelines browse like a junior high pupil handbook, allowing competition to “depart the court docket for a sensible time for a rest room break,” even though slipping just quick of inquiring Roger Federer to put the seat down when completed.

Due to the fact the potty provision’s inception, having said that, tennis gamers have been exploiting the pee-break rule for strategic edge, proving there is no degree elite athletes will not stoop, or squat, to in purchase to get the slightest edge. In the 2010 Australian Open, after dropping the initial established of his quarterfinal match, Federer killed time in the can even though allowing the blinding sunlight to dip down below the stands. In 2012, Andy Murray gained the initial two sets of his U.S. Open finals match, but when the next two slipped absent, he sheepishly signaled to the umpire and tiptoed off the court docket, disappearing into a a single-rest room restroom below Arthur Ashe Stadium. As the crowd and Novak Djokovic waited, Murray later on explained to The New York Moments, he stood alone in entrance of the mirror screaming at his reflection, “You are not likely to enable this a single slip.” He was speaking of the match (a single presumes), which he battled back again to get after a single of the most fortuitous pee breaks in sporting activities heritage.

Whether it’s a feint or a entire circulation, lavatory breaks these as Murray’s can make all the change in getting to be a champion.”This takes place substantially more than supporters would ever understand,” states renowned boxing coach Freddie Roach. “Figuring out how an athlete’s brain performs, if all you can imagine about is needing to acquire a piss, that’s gonna get you knocked out, or even worse. So if obtaining a way to acquire a leak signifies aiding you get, any coach or any athlete in any activity would do the same point.”

You may say Roach learned this lesson firsthand even though education James Toney for his 2003 struggle in opposition to Evander Holyfield. Boxing’s golden rule is apparent: In no way put the gloves on early right before a large struggle. Once they’re safe and the tape is initialed by a boxing fee formal, they won’t be able to appear off. Soon after that, if a fighter is get over by the combination of prefight hydration and jitters, his entourage has to engage in a high-stakes match of “not it.”

Times right before he was supposed to be in the ring, Toney turned to Roach with a appear on his deal with each and every coach dreads. (He is gotten the same appear from Manny Pacquiao a number of situations in current many years.) With Holyfield waiting around and the Mandalay Bay crowd growing louder and more restless by the 2nd, Roach, out of options, shimmied his hand up the remaining aspect of Toney’s black silk boxing trunks. (Roach went remaining for the reason that the names of Toney’s small children were being stitched on the appropriate aspect of his trunks.) Why he went up the shorts instead of down is easy: He is a damn professional. “Finest way to do it,” he states, “pull the cup out, pull the junk down, appear the other way.”

When boxer and coach sheepishly exited the lavatory, Roach figured the incident was mercifully over. Heading to the ring, although, Toney blurted out, “Oh, Fred, that was so superior you were being so light.” Unfastened, unencumbered and 14 to eighteen ounces lighter, Toney survived a sluggish begin and a brutal shot to the kidneys at the close of Round 1 right before pummeling Holyfield into submission in the ninth.

To this working day, each and every time Toney sees Roach, he reminds him, loudly, about their Mandalay moment. Roach always grumbles back again the same point he said that night as Toney leaned toward the urinal. “Damn it, James, I don’t even like keeping my possess.”

Sooner or later on, although, all people-gamers, coaches, even trainers-must appear to grips with the most unstoppable power in sporting activities. “No a single has to inform me about the great importance of pee breaks in sporting activities,” Roach states. “S—, I have not read the close of it yet.”

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junker-town · 7 years

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If you could attend 1 NFL game in 2017, which one would you pick?

There are no wrong answers here.

The NFL season is closer than ever. Training camp has started for most teams this week, with the rest to follow in the coming days. That got us thinking — if you could attend only one regular season game this year, which would it be?

The possibilities are practically endless. It could be your favorite team’s biggest rival, a clash between two of the best teams in the league, or even a bottom-of-the-barrel game between two teams fighting for draft position.

No matter the matchup, we’re all just happy to have football back in our lives. These were our picks for the game that we would attend.

Falcons vs. Patriots (Week 7)

The Super Bowl rematch we’ve all been waiting for. The Falcons showed that they could play with the Patriots, until they didn’t.

The last edition of the game gave us a Would Have Been Super Bowl MVP performance by Grady Jarrett, Taylor Gabriel destroying Malcolm Butler’s soul, and two of the greatest catches in Super Bowl history by Julio Jones and Julian Edelman.

The game is now going to be the most anticipated matchup of the NFL season. The Patriots and Falcons are believed to have two of the best rosters in the NFL. I am here for the Falcons revenge game that — like many other things in the history of the franchise — will probably not go the way they want. — Harry Lyles Jr.

Browns vs. Bears ON CHRISTMAS EVE (Week 16)

At first glance, this sounds like a pretty bah humbug way to spend Christmas Eve. Both teams were The Emoji Movie levels of unwatchable last season, and even if the Browns are projected to at least quadruple their win total, the Bears will likely be courting — perhaps even engaged to by then — the No. 1 pick in the draft.

With two weeks left in the season, any number of teams will be fighting for playoff spots. But not these two. There won’t be much on the line at all, really. And that’s why this game is my pick. I mean, who wants to add to their stress during the holiday season?

Instead, I want to go to a game where there are no stakes. I can just ride the chillwaves and watch football in a pure way, with fans who love their teams so much that they’d pay way too much money even when they know the product will only disappoint.

Bonus No. 1: This is likely to be a “switched at birth” rookie quarterback matchup. No one will be surprised if Ohio native Mitchell Trubisky, who once said he wanted to play for the Browns, is the starter for the Bears at that point. The Browns will probably have cycled through enough quarterbacks by Week 16 that DeShone Kizer is under center. At Notre Dame’s pro day, Kizer not-so-subtly campaigned for Chicago to draft him.

Bonus No. 2: I’m not sure if it even snows anymore in Chicago, but at least a quick trip to the suburbs would let me ogle streets lined with Home Alone-looking colonial houses all decorated for the yuletide.

Now, there’s no way I’d actually pay to attend this game. But if someone gave me a ticket or if I ended up with one in a white elephant gift exchange? I’m there with a “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal” smile. — Sarah Hardy

49ers vs. Washington (Week 6 )

I’ll admit that this selection is a complete troll job. There’s apparently bad blood between Washington owner Dan Snyder and the Niners’ new head coach, Kyle Shanahan. Shanahan was the offensive coordinator in Washington while his father, Mike, was the head coach back in 2010 through 2013. It did not end well. Shanahan described working in Washington as “different,” which is not a glowing endorsement.

So there’s inherent drama involved when Shanahan heads back to FedEx Field to face his former team as a head coach. Can Shanahan’s 49ers defense beat the quarterback he may be coveting in free agency next season, Kirk Cousins? Will Snyder and Shanahan cross paths, and will they be cordial? Will Shanahan actually run the dang ball when the situation calls for it? So many questions will be answered in Week 6. — Jeanna Thomas

Chargers vs. Dolphins (Week 2)

The San Diego Los Angeles Chargers are joining the Rams in the nation’s second biggest television market and they’ll do it in front of a grand total of about 30,000 fans on Sundays. The StubHub Center, which usually hosts soccer games, will be the Chargers’ temporary home, even though it’s hilariously small compared to every other NFL stadium.

It’s not a bad idea, though. The Chargers are playing second fiddle to the Rams in LA and don’t have much of a built-in fan base in their new home. But selling out 30,000 seats is easy and, wow, is it going to be fun to be at Chargers games for a few years.

Imagine dealing with a parking lot with half as many cars and being twice as close to the action on the field. Just getting a ticket that gets you in the door will guarantee you have a seat that provides a better view than about 70,000 people get for Cowboys games at AT&T Stadium.

The Chargers’ home opener is against the Dolphins and the 30,000 people there will be the first to get an NFL experience that nobody has ever had before. And I’m betting it will be a great one. — Adam Stites

Seahawks vs. Packers (Week 1)

Lambeau Field on an 80-degree day? Amazing. A rematch of the Fail Mary game that kicked off the 2012 season and helped solve that year’s referee strike? Tremendous. A showdown between what may be the final year of Seattle’s Legion of Boom secondary and one of the NFL’s top aerial attacks? EVEN BETTER.

The fact this is an afternoon game makes it all the better. You don’t have to wake up at 6 a.m. to tailgate, unless that’s your thing. You can roll into Green Bay at 11 and still have four hours of grilling brats, eating cheese curds, and sipping brandy old-fashioneds before kickoff. Sure, it may be a bit jarring to take on the frozen tundra in jorts and flip-flops, but there may not be a better game in the NFL this season. — Christian D’Andrea

None of them

You’re starting your Sunday at least $400 in the hole hours before the game even begins.

Once you get there and spend another $50 or more to park your car, you have to make it through the parking lot without someone vomiting on you, stabbing you (if you’re going to a Niners game) or, worst of all, telling you how great their shitty brisket is (wow, you grilled some meat, awesome).

Don’t forget to put all of your crap in the clear plastic bag!

And then you’re finally inside. Weave through the throngs of sweaty humanity touching you, sneezing on you, coughing, being loud, until you find your seat. Oh, look, the man in front of you isn’t wearing underwear beneath his sweatpants, so now you’ve got to look around his hairy ass just to squint at tiny little specks moving an even tinier little speck around the field.

The real fun begins when those three light beers you drank, for a mere $32, are done filtering through your kidneys. After waiting in line 20 minutes to pee, splash through the puddle of urine and whatever filth is oozing out of the one overflowing toilet (have you ever pooped at a stadium when it wasn’t an emergency?) and saunter up to the urinal only to get the privilege of standing next that guy who wants to talk to you while your frightened, enlarged prostate is making the whole process that much more difficult.

While you’re standing in filth waiting to relieve yourself, you will miss a pick-six, a circus catch, or whatever the one absolute can’t-miss highlight it is that this game will feature. Not to worry, you can catch the replay on TV when you get home.

You could’ve seen that highlight in real time had you opted to save the money and watch the game from the comfort of your own home (where I’m assuming nobody pees on the floor). And you’d have an extra $400-500 to bet on the games, which is not a huge waste of money, nope. — Ryan Van Bibber

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