#had this epiphany this morning and literally couldn't stop thinking about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

livinwa · 6 months

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I have recently learned that I don't have an original experience, under the guise that each day I prove to be more and more nerodivergent as time passes by and the question of "am i really? Maybe I'm just attention seeking" just sort if becomes a denial rather than a question.

Here's a bunch of things I think are signs and or could be debunked but I need opinions ti be able to figure myself out and stuff, so maybe enjoy the drama and stuff???

1. I thought I was able to look people in the eyes, no I'm not, not unless I'm comfortable with that person and/or the situation is like really awkward then I actually physically can't look at them in the FACE.

2. My jacket. The thing my avatar has, its my comfort item. One night I couldn't stop crying and had the thought "put the jacket on" and I did and I ended up being able to finally calm down and breath despite the tears not stopping. I felt safe.

3. Headphones. Once more another comfort item. I dont like leaving anywhere without them. Their as much as a trademark as my jacket and blue jeans.

4. Speaking of blue jeans (this could also be a self esteem thing I dont have a high ar on that) I don't like wearing certain clothes outside nor do I like wearing certain clothes to sleep or in my bed. My preferred fashion senses have always pertained to what I loved to wear and feel on my skin (let it be known I had a navy blue jacket at all times like this one sort of that I outgrew in middle school and a different jacket that held my special interest on it)

5. Speaking of special interests, TRANSFORMERS. that shit took over my life so fast you'd think that I was driving a nasa car with the way I dove headfirst into making that bitch an extraterrestrial. And while of course I grew out of things transformers is ALWAYS THERE and NEVER GOING AWAY no matter how much I dont talk about it with other people (that's what this blog is for)

6. Sensory shit. I dont care what something smells like I am going to get a whiff. Smells bad? Okay let me make sure. Smells good? I'm following it like a cartoon character ti a white steam trail. The only time I dont like a smell is when its so strong it literally makes me gag. I like smells but don't mix and match and crank it to eleven (also sugar cookies and cigarettes dont mix at all) this also goes for biting. I bite. So much.

7. Sensory OVERLOADS. I HAVE HAD TBOSE BEFORE APPARENTLY. Though absolutely they are rare. Is there a spectrum to how people deal with sensory overloads? I don't know and thats why I'm asking questions. I would be doing the dishes and the waters running the forks are clanging and the kids are screaming and the one little guy that I hate (sibling) is repeating the same phrase over and over in the most annoying way possible and I just can't take it anymore so I shut myself down to forcefully finish this task because I know what's going to happen if I don't and eventually in a groggy something something morning voice I tell him to shut the fuck up and it helps. If he listens.

8. For as long as I've known, I love food. And I have recently known, food equals a pattern in household. Not only food but the day has a type of pattern as well, and it directly connects to the type of food too. In simple terms so I don't spill guts along with blood, to little, irritable, find other ways to find needed things, a lot, the days okay and conversations light.

9. I have come to the epiphany that eggs are my comfort food. It doesn't matter how their made most of the time I will eat eggs in nearly any form I have LITERALLY had a daily/weekly limit to how many eggs i make a day forced onto me because eggs are too expensive.

10. I cant remember shit but most importantly I cant remember where I put items sometimes almost immedietly after I either set it down or look at something that has relative importance. I have forgotten I put my pencil in my backpack literal seconds after I put it in there, and mutual can attest to my lack of remembering exactly what I said unless it had great importance or funny capacity.

11. I have been stimming for as long as I have known and before I knew what stimming even was. Flappy hands and unusual sounds. I liked the sound of a whistle so much I ended up creating my own verbal stim that I used to this day. (Learned how to whistle a year later)

12. Masking. From what I was exposed to and understand its basically the ability to put on a mask and different facade for the general public compared to what was within, until 6th grade I actually barely had freinds (was really nice, had no/2 enemies in my life(very weird one was a literal frenemy)) and often was just walking around until I played games with others because those had rules and didn't involve too much small talk and I was happy to play in those games. But that was it. Then in 6th grade I gained the facade of happy and chill guy that never really got sad, the works.

This is not all but enjoy the blood sweat and tears of this... whole thing. I'm confused im tired and I'm simply trying to figure things out.

#nerudivergent #nerudivergancy #adhd #maybe #probably may delete later #autism too?#theres a lot of things #maladaptiveness maybe but that isnt the focus of this thing #idk man #theres a lot of personal stuff im not putting in here for personal reasons but i may make stuff on it later #theres also the specific things that can happen in specific conditions that arent trauma related that is actually pretty funny #like sleep patterns.#sleep in class and only in freinds cars comfortably outside of my bed #lwd to some funny things

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trulymadlysydney · 3 years

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knowing that it is concept night here is one ahhh;; traveling for a whole day due to your work or some important appointment. wake up early in the morning and fight to get out of harry's arms and the constant unintelligible complaints of him "don't go" but you cann't stay, no matter how much you want. so he sees you getting ready while lying on the bed and you give him one last little kiss and say goodbye to him "I'll be back as soon as possible, darling, don't worry" and you spend all day on the road, with the stressful traffic and a terrible headache. So everything gets complicated and you can't tell him because your cell phone has no signal because it's in the middle of nowhere and then it runs out of battery. so you end up coming back at night; tired, sweaty, with tangled hair, hungry and also swollen feet from walking in heels literally EVERYWHERE NON STOPPING. and Harry was very worried because you hadn't answered any of his messages or calls for hours and at one point he feared the worst and his anxiety made everything much worse but the moment he heard your car's engine in the driveway he runs off to catch up with you and open the door while looking at you with puppy eyes 🥺 "God, here you are, you're back" 🥺 he says in a whisper while you get out of the car and receive his hug "I'm so sorry, Harry, everything got complicated and I couldn't communicate with you. I hope you have not worried too much" you say with a soft voice caressing his cheek, but he can see how tired you are "No, I only had five nervous breakdowns and maybe a horrible epiphany but all good" you laugh slowly and end up hiding in his neck before speak "Was horrible, h" and he without thinking takes you in his arms, taking you by surprise "I know honey, now let me take care of you. I have your favorite food in the oven" you hug his neck and smile slightly "thank you, you're the best, i love you" 💖💖

Wait help.... oh my god this is so painful bc this describes literally the exact flight I worked last week oh my god IM CRYING HE WOULD BE SO SWEET AND CARING and gentle and he would want to hear all about it BUT he wouldn’t push you to talk if you were too tired and he’d rub your feet and have dinner for you 🥺

#Harry chats #like the other day was the longest day of my life working that damn flight and I got home and could barely walk around my apartment because #it hurt so bad #and I was making food and my roommate was so chatty and I wanted to cry like I just wanted to be warm in my bed

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latenightdrabble-blog · 6 years

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Spring -Part 2

Thanks to @byul-bit-arae for letting me use this moodboard! ❤

Here's part two of this little fic. Find part one here. Also, you don't really need to have read part one to read this, it's up to you!

~~~~~~

Excitement coursed through your veins as you woke up in your hotel room. Never have you been excited when you woke up. Usually, you didn't even speak to anyone until an hour and cup of coffee later. The fact that you were in Japan, for a vacation with Taeyong though, was enough to make you throw the covers off.

"Tae wake up WAKE UP!" you said, nudging him softly in the side. He was snuggled into the blanket and you almost felt bad for interrupting his sleep.

"Five more minutes..." he mumbled, pulling the covers closer to his chin.

"Tae we have SEIZE THE DAY! Just because you made your Japan debut now and have travelled here many times, it doesn't mean that you can laze around like this!"

"Baby girl lemme sleep a little more" he said and turned away from you.

Nah ah. This would not do. You quickly formed a plan of attack.

You quickly got up and went over to his side of the bed, and settled on your knees.

"Tae~ wakey wakey!" you said as you attacked him with kisses. You climbed on top of him and continued to do so as his eyes flew open. "Wha- what are you doing?" he said, a blush covering his face. He flipped you over and settled on top of you. You squealed as he began tickling you.

"Two can play at this game!"

After a lot of convincing and a couple more kisses, the two of you finally got out of bed. You looked forward to going out and exploring the Osaka. Getting dressed quickly, you headed out for breakfast.

~~~~~~~

Half the day passed by blissfully and you had to pinch yourself to believe it was all true. You made sure you had asked Yuta for places to visit and restaurants to eat at, and slowly worked through the list. Taeyong made sure to get the other members a little something a well.

The last stop of the evening, before sunset, was one of the cherry blossom viewing gardens.

You had indulged in everything cherry blossom flavoured so far, from your latte in the morning, to the box of pocky in your hand. Taeyong found it very amusing, and his heart swelled with happiness to see you finally enjoy yourself and be fully relaxed. He knew how much you needed this trip and this time together.

"You've shown me a different side of you" he said, grinning and pulling you close.

"What do you mean?"

"Remember you used to hate pink? Now you've done nothing but eat pink things" he said, chuckling.

"Tis the season Tae! Plus, I used to hate pink, not anymore."

"Tis the season indeed. Except that Sakura beer was kind of silly, it didn't even taste like it!"

"I know!! But the can was cute."

"The can was cute" he repeated, mocking you as you both burst out laughing.

~~~~~

The path led you to the gardens, and as soon as you laid your eyes on the trees, your mouth fell open in delight.

"Woaaahhhhh! It's so BEAUTIFUL!" you said and ran ahead toward the trees. It indeed was a beautiful sight, the blossoms gently swaying in the breeze, the pretty pink dusting giving it an other worldly look. "It's so much better than all the anime I've watched..!"

"All the anime you've watched? Seriously?" Taeyong asked, catching up to you.

"Yeah~" you said dreamily. You were too taken in by the sight to focus on what he was saying. He took this opportunity to get some great candid pictures of you. it took you a while to realize but when you did, you ran up to him and said, “Tae! You sneaky little snake, you.”

“I can't help it when you're so pretty.”

“The blossoms are prettier.”

“I doubt that.”

“Okay you're prettier.”, you said, teasingly.

Taeyong walked ahead ahead, to pick up a flower. In his attempt to find the perfect one, you found an opportunity to get back at him. You whipped out your phone and began clicking pictures of him. He soon noticed what you were doing, and being the diva he is, threw up a few peace signs and said, “Everything I do is a pose.”

"Yeah yeah whatever.”, you said, giggling. You continued taking pictures of him, and in one of those moments, you had an epiphany. You slowly lowered your phone and stared at him, slightly in awe, with a million thoughts racing through your head. You couldn't help but think about how lucky you were to be with such a wonderful man. He had been nothing but supportive, patient and understanding, no matter how tough things got. You both understood each other so well, it almost scares you. You don't believe in soul mates, but if you did, he'd be pretty close to being one.

"Hey, what's wrong?” He asked, seeing that you were just staring at him, not doing anything. “Is everything okay?”

“Tae” you breathed out, your voice almost a whisper, as you tried to form a coherent sentence.

“Yeah?”

“I don't think I've ever said this but....thank you.”

“Thank you for what?”

“For always being here, no matter what. Thank you for being the absolute best. I never understood it when people used to talk about their significant others and gush about them and how they've changed their life for the better but now I do. All those stupid love songs finally make sense. I...... I don't quite know what it is I'm feeling right now because I've ever felt it before. I know you're not perfect, none of us are. I know we all have our faults, but that's just the beauty of being human. To put it simply, you make my life a lot better and I hope I can do the same for you. To be honest, I would like you to be a part of my life for a longer time.”

“What are you trying to say? He asked, tears brimming in his eyes.

You walked up to him and took his hands in yours. “What I'm trying to say, Lee Taeyong, is that I'd like to marry you someday. Maybe this is too soon, maybe we're not ready, maybe you don't want to, I don't know, I just had to say it. I need you to know.”

“Wha-what?”, he asked, shock overtaking his face. He was too choked up to respond to what you had said.

“I mean it.” You said, and pulled him into a hug. You felt soft tears wet your shoulder as tears began streaming down your face as well. Honestly who knew the cherry blossoms would make you so emotional?

Maybe it wasn't the cherry blossoms. Maybe this is what they call love.

~~~~~~~~

“Oh my gosh hyung you are the least manliest man I know!” Yuta said with a huff, when you went back, and Taeyong told them what had transpired. “I can't believe your girlfriend had to propose to you.”

“Oh Yuta, quit it!” you said, laughing at his silly joke.

“It's not my fault! I didn't know she was going to propose? I don't think she knew either.” Taeyong said, trying to defend himself.

“Yeah that's the truth. I didn't know. Plus, it wasn't like some proper proposal. I just said we should... Y’know.... Probably just make this official.”

“That's not what you said.” Taeyong said, teasingly.

“Oh shut up, cry baby”

“Hey, you cried too!”

“Okay, okay, I concede. I love you!” you said, leaning forward to kiss him. Of course, you kind of forgot that there were other people in the room and deepened the kiss.

“Listen, you guys are my OTP and all but- “ Jaehyun said, but he was cut off by Yuta who shouted, “There are children here!” before covering Sicheng’s eyes.

“Hyung, I'm literally the same age as Jaehyun, I don't understand why you're doing this.” Sicheng said with a sigh.

“I guess you'll always be everyone's baby.”, you said, laughing.

“But not yours, you're not that much older than I am.” Sicheng retaliated.

“That's right. I've only adopted the dreamies.”

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You can find my masterlist here.

#taeyong #lee taeyong #taeyong drabble #taeyong imagine #nct #nct u #nct 127 #taeyong fan fiction #fluff #i'm sorry this took so long!#thank you byul-bit-arae !#i kind of had feelings... and just wrote them.#taeyong is husband material af #and this is me resting my case #i hope you enjoy!#❤❤❤

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