these are really hecking old but p sure i nvr posted them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ya gal, i rambled alot in this one, its honestly like, half about the flag, and half about a special guest but you asked for it. Oh and BTW, those sleep tips actually did help! Thanks hun. Ok, here we go. SO

The flag thing was slightly less entertaining than I hoped. Only slightly though. Mom basically said "whatever, if that's what you want" in an obviously uncomfortable way. She then looked at the flag, and I quote, said "that things dirtier than you, I'm washing it"

ouch.

She then took the flag, and left. Leaving me sitting there speechless. Not only at the roast, but how she didn't get mad? Of course she said that she wouldn't HELP me transition, but hey. Now, this is where the story would've ended, but as this was about a week ago or somethin, there's new tea.

So, my Nana (grandma, on my mom's side) is really wierd. And I don't mean me wierd, i mean We got home from a two day vacation once, and nana had deep cleaned our entire house weird. Idk if she has ADD to, or something else, but she is in her 70s, works 2 jobs, gets 6 hours of sleep, cleans SO much, and STILL has time for Grandpa! (He's nice, buys me and the cousins games from time to time). Honestly I'm still not sure if she's actually human.

Anyway, she's also super nice. So I was confused about why mom acted like that, so I called Nana and told her about the situation. It turns out, mom had figured out about the flag 2 days before it arrived because idk how Amazon works. And she called Nana to help talk me out of it (???). Well. According to Nana they then had "an informative conversation", but based on the way mom was acting imma guess it was a little more than a conversation.

Did I mention how Nana is also the most intimidating person I've met? And, once again, I dont mean usual mom intimidating. I mean She punched my 6'2 step uncle in the face when he DARED to-show up at Christmas after it got out that he was abusive intimidating. She probably shouldn't be punching people at her age but that's never stopped her before. I'm thinking she probably got alot of this from her time on a military base with her now ex. Which he also got punched several times by her (pretty toxic relationship) much to the dismay of his officers.

And she always got away with it because she's so nice (to the people she doesn't punch)

Anyway that's the story of how I came out + What the actual fuck is my nana

hello! im glad the sleeping tips helped kjhsdfgjhvbgf

axkjhfgvksjfhjb from this, i think ur mom didnt react very nicely? ican be very socially inept at sometimes so if that is the case, im so fucking sorry. having parents being unsupportive is the worst thing ever, and you deserve more than that!!! i wish you best of luck with ur transitioning <3. if that isnt the case, yay!!!! im super happy for u bestie <3 go live ur life as a chaotic water gun shooting trans gal.

is ur nana. human. i mean this in the politest way possible BUT IS SHE HUMAN. also i bow down to her. havent even met the woman yet but i feel like shes GREAT. her vibes are sending me. im bowing down to her and offering her the sword i dont own but if i do own a sword its gonna be offered to her. [u dont have to answer this, but how she feeling on u being trans? no pressure to answer!!! sorry if this is too personal ksjhdgfkvjgfdh]

thank u for sharing this w me and remember, let me know once u find out what ur nana is ahsdkgchjfd

APRIL 15, 2020

Dear Anyone that is reading this,

I am fucked up! Maybe you don't seem to see it personally, but yeah I am a bit mad. Maybe I should just go and see a doctor? No wait I can't I have to this this again over and over alone, like how i use to solve problems with no solutions or just having trial and error. By the way I am Gerald coming from the line of Mad Mom and a Hard headed loving Dad. Hey I just wanted to talk to someone who understands. I am a mess. I'd probably gone thinking to suicide and just stop everything or not cause I am afraid to die. I am currently 18, but acting like a kid as always. I wanted to tell everyone that I am sorry for everything that I did. I am just horrible. I am a young adult and yet I don't know myself. Who the fuck am I? Yeah you probably heard of me saying that I am ok, I know what I like, I know what is right! but nah, I don't know who the hell am I, what the fuck do I want. Sorry if you are part of my friend or my family. I feel horrible for you to meet me and get to know me. The selfish, mad, cry-baby me. Yeah you haven't seen me crying, cause I can handle it for a bit longer, long enough to get home and go to the bathroom and cry it all out there. I want to feel anything, to feel alive again. Fuck It has been years but I am still here facing the same mistake and facing the same problem everyday in just different way. What if I just did it? I am on a 3 story building. What if I just jump from here and get over with it. What if I just go get a knife and shove it to my throat? What it I just hang my self in the ceiling? what if i just drink all the medicine here and sleep tight not knowing if I am still alive? What if?

Do you know why? Why I keep doing this? Why I keep on holding on in this vulnerability inside me? Because I feel human whenever I feel pain. I feel love whenever I feel hate. I feel happiness whenever I feel sad.

Because I ...

I...

Because I am me.

I am a fire! Not because I am hot or anything. But because whomever I touch, I destroy. I have touched my Mom then made her mad. I touched my friends made them go away. I touch my self and I see a burning piece of shit. Do you live with your parents? If you do tell them how you feel. Cause I haven't live with my mom since I was 6, but I can remember the last time I saw her. My dad? Uhm he's providing us but I barely see him. Mostly 5 times a year I guess. Yeah I am on my Aunt, in a very beautiful house but certainly not my home. I feel so anxious whenever I imagine that I am me. I hate being me. So sometimes I go out and change my personality. I always wear this mask on called Ged, the Jolly one... Ow shet I'm bleeding! I just got to tell you that a am wearing a white T-shirt and it is turninginto white red polca... Because of my blood. I am going to bleed out. Ok I am a bit dizzy but It'sok Ican writeyet . Seeyah later