have you killed yourself. will you kill yourself when wil you kill yourself

OH MY FUCKING GOD

I JUST WENT TO MY LOCAL HOT TOPIC THAT I'VE BEEN GOING TO FOR LIKE. 5 OR 6 YEARS NOW RIGHT??

I GOT SOME MCR STUFF BECAUSE. OF COURSE. IF YOU'VE SEEN MY RECENT POSTING HABITS YOU KNOW. THE BRAINROT IS REAL

I WAS TALKING WITH THE CASHIER ABOUT THEM BECAUSE HE WAS ALSO A FAN AND HE FUCKING SAYS "you wanna know a fun fact? this is the hot topic the lead singer used to work at! :D"

FUCKING WHAT

GERARD WAY USED TO WORK AT MY LOCAL FUCKING HOT TOPIC?!?

AND AFTER I LEFT I LOOKED IT UP TO MAKE SURE HE WASN'T FUCKING WITH ME AND YEAH. HE WAS RIGHT. WHAT THE FUCK

SORRY FOR THE ALL CAPS THIS IS LIKE. WORLD-SHATTERING INFORMATION TO ME AND HE JUST DROPPED THAT SHIT SO CASUALLY WHAT THE HELL BRO. I NEEDED TO SCREAM ABOUT THIS SOMEWHERE

theres something about the temporary nature of death and general impermanence in the pmoonverse thats driving me fucking crazy but i dont know if i have the mind to dissect it

like... in lobcorp, death just happens. its background noise. its sad, sure, but you get used to it. you dont really get anything from caring about it other than being a little sadder than usual. if your favorite guy dies, you can just try the day again. and repeat, over and over, until you get what you want this time. its easy to fuck up, but its easy to fix, if you have the mind for it. textually, nobody Really dies there, though; given the records team's deal. everyone is always recorded, retrieved, removed at a whims notice. if you miss someone, you can put them back. or not. it doesnt really matter. its a face to a function, mostly.

and similar goes for ruina-- though theres less of an ability to truly "lose" someone. the library holds tight to those in its wings, as anyone can simply be put back together if something were to happen to them. and if things dont go right, you can simply try again. and again, and again, and again; you have all the time in the world, really, and the patience to wait for them to inevitably come back. decay doesnt really exist in a place like that, does it? even those that became books were simply put back somewhere-- Somewhere, but as they were. the library appears and then disappears just as quickly; leaving a mark intangible, not unlike a dream, but a mark nonetheless.

and with limbus, turning back the clock is the entire name of the game. you can fuck up however you want to, react however you want to, and well. if you die, dante will just put you back. easy peasy. theres caveats this time, but more or less, death is pretty much just a smack on the wrist at this point. a little more than that for dante, but well, theyre fine, so. whatever, right? of course. i cant speak for them as much as i can the others, but its very much there. look at it, its on the ceiling, and all.

and like, its. well its obvious from a gameplay standpoint, it makes the whole thing Work. but due to the diegetic nature of the whole thing, it weaves a strange sort of sensation. doesnt matter what happened, doesnt matter what mark it leaves-- youre fine. get up. again. especially with the framing character-- dante is the only one who kinda has to deal with the direct fallout of these actions (though, the narrative seems to stop looking at it after a point, which is understandable, but also still paints a picture.) x and angela mostly tend to overlook the whole process, directing rather than personally experiencing the whole thing.

idunno. these concies sure dont quence, or something

nobody better boop me while i'm gone. you better not 🫵 don't do it. dooon't do it

There was this post I saw awhile back that asked what was the one thing you would get pretentious about since everyone has at least one. I didn’t reblog it at the time, but my god if I have to see any more bad faith or media illiterate surface level take about Chainsaw Man, I’m going to become the literacy devil

Jeongin having almost no votes on that poll makes sense to me, not because I think he'd do particularly bad but because I'm utterly certain if he ended up stranded with one of us he'd just up and leave and I wouldn't blame him

also fun fact going to malta if the weathers good. frst time since like 2015 i could be on the beach not fully clothed. like i could go shirtless . it's so fun i hope the weathrrs good

awesome of my coworker to do nothing but watch youtube videos about random shit like dieting and boxing match recaps from AI voices on speaker instead of doing the fucking thing our boss told him to do. at this point it's gotten so late i can guarantee he's not gonna do it and i need him to do his part so i can do mine so i just ended up doing his fucking part. and it's not even like a huge thing but i told him "hey [boss] wants you to do x and y. i can do y if you do x :)" and he was like "okay" and then has just done sweet fuck all and it's like. dude. come the fuck on.

i think i should be allowed to say out loud everything on my mind when im angry and upset. as a treat

.

HELLOOOO HOW THE FUCK ARE YALL DOING I HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING DAY

there's something wrong with it.

didn’t use my cane to go to the dining hall today bc i was having one of my pft you don’t Actually need it moments and my chronic illness was like 😏 now this looks like a job for me

every day i log into this site and ponder whether or not im going to write a long mildly over sharing post about the intricacies of grief and death

really funny quandary I'm going through right now where I wanted to make fun of this series of texts I sent my friend because I am legitimately incapable of crying for help without putting a skin over it to make it look funny and relatable and hyperbolic but if I did I'd have to actually tell other people I need help in order for the joke to land and i guess i just did that but like it's fine

hmmmm truth be told I think I need to make some consistent, nutritive good food and then go on a walk before sunset. also get some work done so I can feel satisfied with my day