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#god awful adhd. one of my former lab mates was like. Adderall barely made her normal. and yet she was still a phd student
opens-up-4-nobody
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8 months
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#yet again i fail to convince my counselor i have executive function problems. mostly its bc i dont think well in the moment but also i just
#feel kinda weird rn so i was having trouble making my thoughts connect. but i swear to christ i do have problems making my executives
#function. i think the issue is im a grad student so i do well in school. not that it matters bc i kno loads of grad students with pretty
#god awful adhd. one of my former lab mates was like. Adderall barely made her normal. and yet she was still a phd student
#so like. its possible to have executive function issues as a grad student. the problem with me is the obsessive thoughts and self
#destructive behavior so to her it sounds like im telling myself that i cant get my brain to work unless i put myself under extreme pressure
#rather than i cant get my brain to work so to cope im putting myself under extreme pressure bc if i dont nothing gets done
#but like fucking if i try to relax i dont do things. i cant clean my kitchen or my room or take out the trash or do my laundry
#and im not like not doing it bc i dont wanna. these things r causing me active distress but i cant flip the switch that makes them happen
#ive gotta write a grant proposal. read a paper. and find a paper to discuss by tomorrow morning. i had time to do all of this before but i
#didnt do it. y didnt i do it? fucking i dont kno. ugh. whatever. i got refered to a psychiatrist so well see what happens there
#i did accidentally set the meeting to when i meet with my advisor tho. oops. also my counselor said it sounds like im a rat running on a
#wheel. which is accurate but also a really fucking funny thing to have said abt u. ur r a scrawny neglected lil rat. boohoo.
#idk what type of medication she thinks i should b on. like what symptom r we trying to exhaust? the 0cd or the mood issues?
#i dont even kno what the issue is. not that i guess it matters. idk. i need to read and write. fucking hell
#unrelated
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