Gaslighting myself into believing that Jaws (book) is just poorly written fanfiction about Stevey Spielberg’s original masterpiece Jaws (1975)

How I Met Your Father

I am a mother that was not perfect. Many of my mistakes could have been avoided. Was I too young and immature to be a wife and mother?  Did my parents and grandparents try to tell us? Sure they did! No one could convince me otherwise. I’m laying it right out here in the first paragraph. Absolutely flawed the first time around. Not flawed to the extent Todd was in danger or lacking for anything, including love. We were just too young to be married let alone have children. Todd was an only child until he was 14.

However, there’s no way in hell that I’m owning that my marriage or mothering skills lacked the second time around.

Contrary to the podcasts, I was an excellent wife and mother. All the gaslighting you throw at me will not change my feelings on this subject. My story is backed with public records through court documents, police reports, pictures, even a voice mail recording from 1986.  Included in my story is a sister that has fabricated a lot of my story to my two younger children. Based on Cindy’s lies she’s also part of this story. I’m not skipping over her shortcomings either. So sis time to make another appointment with your Dr to up your Prozac. Please don’t forget the dentist too because you are going to be grinding your teeth again after this. There are no words worthy of my sister Cindy’s twisted mental contribution to this situation, but I’m sure going to try. A lot of witnesses have passed on, but fortunately many are still living. They have very sharp memories on the matter of what truly happened. Slander is a serious charge and provable in this story. Saving the best for last, I also have very detailed Journals dating from 1984 until 2010. I have condensed my earlier years in order to jump to the story of my final husband, Richard “Rick” Thomas Rockwood.  What caused me to relive this drama is my daughter. Danica’s recent podcast (Adapt/Overcome, part 2) stating that she didn’t remember why her parents got divorced. In a way I blame myself because I didn’t want to bad mouth their father.  I would love to forget most of it but I’m rehashing it because I feel it’s time to put the story out there. If I didn’t participate in this story I would hesitate to believe it was true. Unfortunately, it happened. I met Todd’s father, Mike the day after I graduated high school on June 6, 1972, my 18th birthday. When I went away to college that fall I was “in love”. I didn’t make it further than the first semester in Quincy, IL. All I wanted to do was get married and be a mother. We were married on January 26, 1974, I was 19. A week before our first anniversary we had Todd Joseph on January 19th, 1975. I was age 20.

Am I sorry for my shortcomings as Todd’s mother? Absolutely, I have expressed that to Todd many times in vain. I love Todd and always will regardless of how he feels about me. Todd has never been a warm or forgiving person towards me. I’m sure he’s nicer to others. I know he loves his siblings. Years later we’re driving to have a family portrait done. Todd’s home for a visit from the seminary where he had been for 5 years. Todd didn’t stop telling me his opinion of me as his mother until we arrived at the Palm Beach Catholic Church. He wanted to go to mass where the Kennedy’s went prior to the family portrait. Once we lit some candles and got back in the car, Todd continued his assessment of me. The family portrait would only have my three children in it. By the time we arrived my eyes were too red and swollen from crying.  My shortcomings were that I married his father who he has less respect for than me, but he loves the rest of his fathers family so he overlooks his alcoholic, classless red neck father (his words many times). He was a victim of divorce (we spoiled him more because of it which didn’t help) and I smoked marijuana. He is right on all of my shortcomings. I was young and thought pot would be legal soon. I missed that projected date by about 40 years. In my defense I learned from it and never smoked around my younger children. Now it’s a mute point but I am owning my shortcomings. Todd has accused me of too many other things that never happened.

I always knew that following the teachings of the Bible would not be his final path. A month after the family portrait episode Todd calls me in tears. The seminary in Cheshire, CT is letting him go. Not exactly letting him go. He had some medical problems during his seminary stay and the church wanted Todd to start his work in a church. 

They felt missionary work that Todd wanted would require things that might affect his health. He’d already almost died from gallbladder surgery and later back surgery. All of this by the time he was 21.  I told him this was a sign from God to do something else. I offered my home at no cost (that changed 3 months before he left). He could go to college and start his life. He also mentioned that his step father showed him that money and power was the best way to make it. Today Todd is an international corporate attorney in London. He hates me and has nothing good to say about me. I’m fine with his feelings until I come across his blatant lies.  It’s just my personal opinion, but is this really the expected behavior of a former priest?

October 25, 1985, Friday night Sandy Belcher and I had just left a great rock concert by Heart. It was at the West Palm Beach Auditorium (now known as The Jehovah Witness Center on the corner of North Congress Avenue and Palm Beach Lakes Blvd.). The auditorium was about a mile from my office. It was my favorite place for concerts not just because it was small and close. The building was circular and when there was nothing going on, you could drive up the ramp to the ticket window, purchase future tickets and drive away, no parking necessary. In the future Rick and I would see many concerts there including Eddy Murphy, Rodney Dangerfield. A little over a year later on December 27, 1986, we would take Todd to his first concert there with Cyndi Lauper. Rick and I had gotten engaged two days earlier on Christmas Eve.

Sandy bought the tickets for her and her boyfriend, Johnny Connelly. Johnny backed out at the last minute. Sandy didn’t want to go alone and I was almost done packing at home, so we went.  We had front row seats!

After the concert, we hit Big Daddy’s, also just down the street on Okeechobee Blvd. Robin Gufstason and Amy Boehler were going to be there prior to our arrival and would have a table for us.  Isn’t it funny how fate takes over? I would have stayed home and finished packing if Johnny had decided to go. In hindsight I kind of wished he had. There were good times too, especially my children. I hold onto those memories when reliving my story.

I remember walking into Big Daddy’s and getting a seat at Robin and Amy’s front row table. At the time, Sandy, Robin, Amy and I all worked together at the West Palm Beach Better Business Bureau. Robin and I were also roommates. I had moved to West Palm Beach a year earlier on April 1, 1984. I remembered the date well for 3 reasons. It was April Fool’s Day, also was my cousin Janine’s birthday. Janine’s brother Bruce was my age and my first encounter with a bully. Trust me when I say, never be around a bully on April Fool’s Day.

Robin’s boyfriend had just got transferred to Daytona which meant we could no longer share the the home we were renting in Palm Beach Gardens. I was moving in with Carmen Parish and her son, Adam on Sunday to Browning St. in West Palm Beach. After the band went on break, my roommate Robin goes outside with the band. Apparently Robin was not thrilled with her boyfriend whose name escapes me. Moving to Dayton was according to Robin “bumming her out” so a little payback with the drummer was her goal. Meanwhile, Amy mentions she has had her eye on one of the guys at the bar since he got there about an hour earlier. She could see he was finally staring at our table, she just knew he was going to ask her to dance after the band got off break. It seemed to me that the guy Amy had her hook for was already with a tall blonde. When I mentioned the blonde to Amy she said that wasn’t a deal breaker!? Amy and I didn’t share the same views at times. When the band break was over I noticed the tall blonde with the guy Amy was pumped up about was coming towards our table. She tells me her name is Lisa and she came over to our table because the guy she is with wanted to meet me. The guy is named Rick and is the brother of Lisa’s boyfriend David. Evidently Lisa and David had recently broke up and Rick took her out to cheer her up. By now Robin is back at our table and tells me to meet him. Knowing that Amy saw him first made me hesitate but Amy agreed I should. Rick came to our table and was very personable and handsome. I had recently broke off with my long term boyfriend and wasn’t looking for another.  After dancing for an hour I told Rick I had to go since I had to work in the morning. Rick asked me on a date for the next night. His friend Mark and his girlfriend were having a Halloween party in Wellington. I’m big on Halloween so I accepted. He walked me to my car and I gave him my address. He told me he loved my car. I had just gotten a red VW bug and also loved it.  It’s funny how much changes during a courtship. Later he will tell everyone that when he met me I was living out of boxes with a “piece of shit car”. I had no clue that night just how much my life would change. Until next time, Cathie