#for other reasons than a fear of God
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do you ever just sit there thinking about your favorite ocs while violently shaking. god. clenches fist. They're So.
#every time a song from their Joint Playlist comes on i go fucking feral#the betrayal the refusal to Let Go the haunting the persisting love the renunciation the resentment the abandonment the resignation#the overwhelming desire to do good vs the fear of admitting you were wrong vs the two people you love most tearing each other apart#AGHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SUDDENLY DEEP IN THE ORIGINAL SAUCE#five seconds i was Normal. scribbling welcome home#then One Of The Songs Came On and now im losing my fucking marbles#perceived betrayals leading to real betrayals....#going too far and now its too late you're Committed you cant go back#he came to you thinking he could make you understand and you could work together to make things Better#and instead you ripped his heart out and left it bleeding on the floor for everyone to see#THEY MAKE ME MORE INSANE THAN LITERALLY ANYTHING#absolutely unprompted#the oc Unwellness comes and goes in waves but its the only true constant obsession with my life#god those three... my dearest darling Trio.... how old are they turning this year?#is it year eight of having them? year nine?#one of the two is for sure how long ive had My Specialest Boy Light Of My Life The Reason I Am Still Alive#the other two came after... maybe only mere months after but he was the first and he is just. i love him so fucking much#he is so so personal to me. he has a permanent place carved out in my chest#he sleeps on my ribs <3#the other day i was reminiscing about his development over the years. his changes his different Versions#and fuck... he's really changed with me huh??#his past selves are echoes of my own self over the years#like he is Very different from me but at the same time. i created him with little pieces of myself sewn in#we hold the same views the same beliefs. im not him and hes not me but we're Kindred yk yk#i think i need to go listen to his playlist.... how long is it now... let me check... 15 hours 13 mins... 228 songs...#my gay 5'2 powerhouse of a guy. him <3#maybe 'them' too he's played fast and loose with gender over the years. holy shit wait#his development echoes mine... i characterized him as 'fucks with gender norms' long before i realized my own gender fuckery#god damn. i love him even more now. i didnt think that was possible. im going to cry. hes so important to me#he has been with me through my worst years... and will be with me through all the hard times to come <3
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Mortal Kombat 1 (2023)
Bi-Han vs Liu Kang
Bi-Han: Earthrealm isn't yours to rule.
Bi-Han vs Geras
Bi-Han: I don't recognize your creator's authority.
Bi-Han vs Kenshi
Kenshi: Why do you resent Liu Kang's authority?
Kenshi: Your Lin Kuei are now outlaws.
Bi-Han: We answer to none but our own.
Bi-Han vs Li Mei
Bi-Han: My clan isn't subject to your jurisdiction.
MORTAL KOMBAT 11 (2019)
Kuai Liang vs Raiden
Sub-Zero: You failed to protect Earthrealm.
Raiden: Do you question my authority?
Sub-Zero: I demand you renounce it.
Kuai Liang vs Cetrion
Kuai Liang: The Lin Kuei do not worship the Elder Gods.
Kuai Liang: Why should I pray to you?
Kuai Liang vs Cassie Cage
Kuai Liang: You do not command the Lin Kuei.
MORTAL KOMBAT X (2015)
Kuai Liang vs Cassie Cage
Cassie: Explain yourself, Sub-Zero.
Sub-Zero: I do not answer to you.
Kuai Liang vs Raiden
Raiden: Sub-Zero...
Sub-Zero: I fear no gods, Raiden.
Kuai LIang vs Kenshi
Sub-Zero: Kenshi...
Kenshi: State your purpose, Kuai Liang.
Sub-Zero: I do not answer to you.
+BONUS:
INJUSTICE 2 (2017)
Kuai Liang: The Lin Kuei answer to no one!
MORTAL KOMBAT VS DC (2008)
Kuai Liang: Raiden. I have come seeking assistance.
Raiden: Assistance? For what end? Your kind has challenged me before.
Kuai Liang: I'm not my brother.
Raiden: But you are still Lin Kuei. Fight!
#mortal kombat#cryomancers#sub zero#bi han#kuai liang#this is why i think cryomancer kuai liang in mk1 would be no less troublesome than his brother#ice brothers have a rocky relationship with authority#as in they don't really accept authority of others#they have like zero respect for gods' authority#or gods in general#kuai liang respected some as individuals sure but no fear and no reason to worship#bi han is the same#while also the independent streak leading to the lin kuei do not answer to others mindest#the main difference is that older and wiser kuai liang pledged himself to protect earthrealm#while mk1!bi-han was forced to do it since childhood (as in to continue family tradition)
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i’ve been relistening to both the palisade and partizan soundtracks a lot lately, both because i’m catching up on palisade and lately it’s had plenty of implications for both seasons as a whole and because i’m slowly writing my own hack/setting/something about screaming mechs and i think the thing that strikes me listening the second time to partizan is how different it feels when you think of each synth as the voice of a mech or divine that is Screaming and Afraid and Alive. or just like. the sound of metal being Used. how scary would the sound of welding be to a robot. do the columnar or divines or any other synthetic people hear the constant alarms on ships like icebreaker or palisade and hear screaming. the way humans hear screaming in death whistles. posthumanism will not save you from body horror and from witnessing horrors made of flesh or seeing bodies corrupted destroyed and used. and in fact you are even more vulnerable. or something.
#anyway.#(SPOILERS IN TAGS)#i love how The Motion sound has been used across the seasons#and going back to partizan she sounds scary but knowing what happens to her#the screams also sound afraid.#anyway. mechs and metal and god. and crying.#i think you could bet money on if it’s what i’m thinking about at any given moment.#also. the way the perennial/autonomy can be heard in the background of partizan songs#she’s there. she’s watching. she’s seen it before. and she’s so old and so desperate.#i think if valence knew what she was. they would have been so different. but also maybe exactly the same.#i think they and the branched might mourn for her more than anyone else in the universe#perennial didn’t just think autonomy would save partizan.#she thought autonomy would save her.#and it wasn’t enough.#friends at the table#f@tt#partizan#palisade#gur. valence. phrygian. figure.#like. maybe the reason brnine has made it this far is that they ARE organic.#whereas the other four they/them users. have directly interacted with their bodies as tools separate from their minds or souls.#seen or feared them being manipulated.
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i've been a busy boy (spoken w the same vibe as that one garfield 9/11 comic)
#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate iii#bg3#bgiii#bg3 astarion#bg3 abdirak#(oh god ive been misspelling that cunts name this whole time)#for anyone whos not familiar with this game you get the bloodless debuff if astarion drinks your blood#and you get loviatar's love by letting a sadomasochist beat the shit out of you ritualistically. no that's not a joke#but i went thru with it cause it gives you advantage on low health and my bard is the squishiest bitch on the team now#even GALE has more health than my character now bc i gave him the tough feat#i also coincidentally got astarion's first bite scene the first long rest after meeting abdirak#because ive been delaying my long rests as long as possible for fear of anything time-sensitive becoming unavailable to me#and so a bunch of other shit took priority over astarion trying to bite me#BUT. that has instead resulted in the extremely funny idea of my character volunteer to get beaten up#for NO in-universe discernable reason i might add#and astarion being like 'hm. okay he might be a big enough freak to let me feed off him without shoving a stake through my ribs'#and then trying his luck that very night ASJFKSA#anyway. i stopped playing this fuckin game like an hour ago bc i have to wake up early and yet im still awake and being a freak#internal monologue
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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[ is it really too much to ask for someone to write the granada/book version of sherlock holmes? ]
#[ i just want the version of holmes that is very much human and acts like one ]#[ and although a factual person has actual emotions and can feel joy and sorrow and fear ]#[ and can show affection with words and deeds and can feel for other people ]#[ and who isn't an omniscient god and makes conclusions based on physical evidence that he actually provides without being a pompous ass ]#[ and doesn't treat everyone like a dummy and isn't like 'i'm so much better and smarter than you everyone look at me i need attention' ]#[ and he only assumes others to know as much as he does about things because that's what smart people generally assume in real life ]#[ and although he's a little eccentric for his time he's not just a weirdo who collects body parts for no reason ]#[ thank you for bearing with my rant lol i just fucking hate bbc sherlock with a passion ]#[ and to this day i believe the writers were just trolling from start to finish because they were too dumb to write a cohesive narrative ]#[ and too lazy to even read the books. the show literally reads like a fanfiction ]#; out of tea
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.
#as a side note i had a moment of horrid irony when i thought suddenly that I WISHED mr knight were there#because he was at the vigil last year and used to be a part of my church. and i suddenly missed all my old housemates#who were here last year! went to hug people during the peace and a good friend asked if i was okay#i was like 😭😭😭😭 not really and then turned around and SAW the boy and was like well this is a twist in the plot i truly dont care for#anyway all's well i just cried buckets more my heart's been wrung OUT#he lives fae away. he was not supposed to come. anyway he did and i shook his hand formally because he offered to (???)#*far away#it was totally bizarre#he did not stay for long which. thank God. i wouldve been so much more tired if he had#but he wished me happy birthday which irked me because we'd had an unspoken agreement to not wish each other happy birthday (for fear of#mixed signals) which. happened i guess#it was INCREDIBLY bizarre. the safest ive ever felt in my life was when he was holding me#and now he's a familiar stranger i know too well whom i dont WANT to know#anyway it has been a heartwrenching and soul draining Lent and past six months or more and i was ready to cry#and so i did. bawled like a baby after certain readings and songs. cried and cried and cried#re: reasons for that concerning the ex boyfriend: it is SO weird and i dont know how to deal with it#like. i still have so much love that it feels like grief and the grief bleeds into that love too#but that love isnt for HIM anymore or at least not the person i found he was. so now it really does have nowhere to go#ANYHOW IT'S LATE BUT THE POINT IS. HE IS RISEN AND THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS#THAN SEEING YOUR EX BOYFRIEND AT CHURCH AND BEING LIKE ?????? HUH????????
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I wish I could tell every young person with a uterus (especially with bad cramps and/or dysphoria and/or depression, etc) that there is a decent chance they just straight up don’t need to live with that. don’t let the stigma surrounding contraceptives and the expectation that you should just ride it out and suffer win. for the love of god if there’s a chance you can lighten or even stop your period and it’s symptoms all-together, unless there’s a legit health concern, your doctor should at least make you aware of that option. I want every young person to know that “birth control” is not just for birth control and it has the potential to make your life infinitely easier to live. do not give in to anti-pill propaganda im serious
#kibumblabs#I remember being in late high school and my doctor suggesting it because of how terrible my dysphoria/related depressive episodes related to#menstrual cycle shit is. and like. im not saying it was a flawless transition but good god im serious it changed my fucking life#not to the extent testosterone would but it was still like. a Big Deal#because I was like. what the fuck. I’ve been suffering through this shit for years. and no one told me this was a thing? we’re all just#expected to suffer? because it’s ‘Normal’????#this whole time I could just. turn the bleeding off. or at least Down. turn off the debilitating breast soreness and swelling. etc.#anyway im not sure why im thinking about this but#i guess every time i hear someone (without any known health issues that’d interfere) like ah time for my monthly Week Of Pain And Misery#i want to shake them by the shoulders like. YOU DONT NEED TO LIVE LIKE THIS. PLEASE I JUST WANT YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS.#and yes i know it doesn’t work for everyone or sometimes there’s side effects that make it not worth it or what have you#but for a huge huge huge amount of people. they just don’t know it’s an option. because it’s labelled Birth Control. and because there’s#this long-standing quiet fear mongering about it that makes it seem more dangerous and sinister and promiscuous than it is#similar in a lot of ways to other stigmatized hormone treatments. like. well. you know#doesn’t help that when you first get your prescription it comes with the worlds biggest list of Potential Issues (most of which are either#minor temporary or unlikely)#grahhghhhhhhhhh anyway. on a seperate but related note shout out to my fellow tboys who either didn’t have their periods totally stop on t#or (like in my case) they came back after like Years for whatever reason and that had to be dealt with via supplementary contraceptives#cw menstruation
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ok as an artist i personally find traditional painting to be. really really annoying. like. i do not have the patience for it and i just find it to be really frustrating to set up and actually do and i end up not liking the results. i find that there's little room for mistakes and trying to fix them usually ends up with me making 50 other ones, paints can be so inconsistent and having to rely on availability and certain brands to continue making the paint is really inconvenient, not to mention expensive. spending a bunch of time trying to mix the right shade of paint, only for it to go down a completely different shade of colour and not being able to do anything about it is so frustrating as someone who likes consistency and having things just, y'know, not change colour as soon as it dries. plus, they all use different chemicals and can go off really easily or change textures and i am just not ok with having all my materials having an expiration date like food. lead and graphite pencils just don't do that and they can last for years, they're more reliable. every paint is drastically different and trying to find the right one is not only time consuming but, again, expensive, and i don't even see the point in experimenting when most of my materials end up not even getting used if i don't like using them. plus, i'm just.... really impatient. waiting for paint to dry sucks and is why i much prefer digital or just drawing something because i don't need to wait for anything, it just works. and then when i do want to take my time and work slowly for a better result, it dries too fast. it's kinda hellish trying to balance that time, especially considering how inconsistent paints are.
i like to use guidelines when doing art and i find painting straight onto a canvas to be really tricky because there's a lack of direction for me to actually paint. i'm at a complete loss at what to do when i pick up a brush because i can't map it out first without risking screwing up the paint. there's just so many things to keep track of and so much wet paint to avoid and i just do not have the mind for it. putting colours on a canvas and praying that it works just isn't it for me and requires a discipline that i just don't wanna involve myself with. painting is also just like... really exhausting and kinda painful. i got some pretty bad back issues and my arms tire and get sore easily and quickly when i'm standing in front of a canvas. it's a really physical activity for me and i just don't find something to be very fun to do at all when it's physically hurting me. i know drawing on a canvas has this issue too, which is why i prefer sketchbooks. sitting down and drawing something that doesn't break my entire spine every time i do it is much more preferrable than questioning if i should go to the doctor every time i make a brushstroke, lol
that's not to say that there's nothing i like about painting though! i can paint simple little things, and i like doing that. i like mixing colours with a palette knife and i find it fun and even a little relaxing. i painted some cute little chibi cardboard cutouts of the mario brothers one time and i found that to be really fun and i think i'd like to do that again! but apart from that, i just do not have the patience for it. i love the look of traditional paintings and i find many to be really beautiful, but i could never get into actually doing it myself because i hate the process. i'm content with just sketching and doing digital stuff because that's more fun to me and less stressful of a process to do. it's fun, it allows for more mistakes, it's easier to build up layers of shading and lines, not to mention using building up a figure with guidelines is super helpful with visualising what i want it to look like, and i can just erase something if i don't want it there or want to change something. it just makes sense to me.
tl;dr i dont like painting because it's inconsistent, expensive, time-consuming, directionless, frustrating and it makes my back hurt really bad. i'll just stick to drawing stuff :)
#vent#artist vent#i hate painting#i hate it so much and i just cannot understand it nor do i have the patience for it#i seriously had a crack at it and i just find it to be so annoying#there's so much preparation and i'd much prefer just whipping out a pencil and eraser and scribbling something down#to be fair though i do enjoy other art mediums that require more preparation#i find crafts to be fun and i really like working with air dry clay#using clay is just creating a little creature and i really quite like it a lot#making little cardboard guys is fun if not a bit tricky sometimes because my hands are so big compared to the tiny bits of carboard im usin#but it's very fun and cardboard is easy to get#clay is not so easy to get but you can get a lot of it and make many things with it#the only things i really dont like about clay is fingerprints and the fear of having your art literally explode when you fire it up#but other than that? fun!#painting? not fun!#paint is so messy and i don't like having goopy stuff getting stuck on me and all over my fingers all the time funnily enough#if i bump into something (which is very likely for me because i am clumsy) then oouuguh there goes all the paint its everywhere now#oh my god you know what i hate the most. i hate oil paints. i hate them so much.#the smell gives me bad headaches and makes me feel faint and it's hard to clean and dispose of and it's just more chemicals to deal with#it's just acrylic but more annoying#i don't think it's edible either which is. frustrating#it's also harder to clean out if you get stained with it (which is very likely because paint is messy)#i just dislike oil materials in general. they smell weird and they do not wash off. i still have oil pastel stains on one of my favourite-#-shirts despite the fact that it has been washed multiple times. and it took several days and so much fucking scrubbing to get-#-it out of my nails and off my hands completely. actual hellscape.#i know graphite and lead pencils would never betray me like this#pencils are so reliable and i love them <3#pencils and drawing equipment in general are just more reliable and don't expire or develop inconsistent textures (except erasers for some-#-reason) and they don't! hurt! my! back!#like i'm over here needing to do the riker maneuver to sit down after i paint my back hurts so bad
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me currently ^
#(csa warning for tags)#jeeesus i am so done with everything. its not wven that bad i dont know why i’m as upset as i am#school is just fucking hell the past couple days for some reason. even though we literally just had march break. idk. the cycle is really#hitting me hard lately i guess#and my fucking anxiety is coming back like i swear to god everyone is staring at me and laughing and i know it’s not true but jfc it feels#like it. it hasn’t been this bad since before my diagnosis#and i’m absolutely convinced my friends fucking hate me and we’ve kicked ppl out of our friend group before (they were racist and#transphobic) and im so fucking scared it’ll happen to me#and i know it’s a completely unfounded fear but oh my god its fucking paralyzing#and i feel like im seven again and completely and utterly alone and im so so so scared of it happening again#im so fucking scared of being alone. i just want someone to talk to#and like the reason i’m spiralling isn’t even important. it’s literally bc some of my friends have stopped eating lunch with me#like it’s so fucking stupid but i can’t get over it#and two of them don’t bc they got imto relationships and im happy for them and i know its not expected or anything to get into one in hs#like logically i know that and i tell myself that all the time but godddd it doesnt stop me from feeling like im fucking broken all the time#literally not a single person has ever seen me as anything other than a friend. and im not even fully convinced abt that.#like. why does everyone have experiences with ppl liking them and not a single person ever has liked me#like what the fuck is so wrong with me that no one will ever love me#literally the only fucking person who has ever wanted me. EVER. was a grown fucking man that raped me as a child#and i cant even fucking remember it. I CANT REMEMBER WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE WANTED#and i know its some sick twisted way to look at it. like this grown fucking man raped me when i was younger than 8 and all i can think about#is how that was the only time anyone’s ever wanted me#and like i don’t even actually WANT anything. i just want someone to like me. i want someone to like me so fucking bad#the scariest part abt it is that i want it to fucking happen again because i just want to be wanted#i’m absolutely fucking terrified of never being wanted. ever. it’s the scariest shit in the world to me#bc as far as my life has been it’s been true. all my childhood bullies have been fucking right#the only time i have ever been desirable was when i was younger than 8. now people literally fucking gag when they look at me#and i dont fucking know what to do#rambles#vent
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huh so. watership down. is a solid book. solid. book. compelling characters, thought through world building, build up and payoff in good amounts, somehow pretty hopeful despite the ongoing danger and threats throughout. like. damn. nice.
and honestly. less tragic than i was expecting! excellent. holding these little rabbits in my hands.
#that said it is Not the book i read as a child about a rabbit trying to jump over a river. alas.#but! good! whether this equips me to watch the newest d20 season is a different q i suppose.#(i say as if im not still trying to make good progress on mentopolis)#sysreading#?#i think its really like. a beautiful showcase of little lives and big emotions and crises.#the realism of the rabbits crossed with the complexity of like- human quarrels and emotions and explanations. really just. yeah.#damn. beautifully done.#it is a harsh book to an extent with the realism and the blood and the danger and the fear and the losses but honestly?#so much more hopeful and kind than i was expecting given its reputation.#i feel like its something like: the world is harsh and cruel and can leave you with your throat run red at any moment. but all of the main#the main characters. the sympathetic ones. are never cruel or uncaring despute the world#or even bc of it. or even when they are unkind you see the reasons behind it. its a harsh world with a main band of characters who are#trying their best and sympathetic and scared and persevering. idk. good stuff. enjoyed it greatly.#watership down#god you know what this makes me wanna do though. other than go thru the discussion questions in the back of the book.#i kinda wanna reread guardians of gahoole#love books of deceloped animal societies dealing with conflict and war and strategizing....
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liking horror and thriller stuff but also getting scared really easily sometimes is so funny. i am watching intently with great interest but if you were to touch my chest youd feel my heart is just fucking going
#mielmbles#i love horror comics and stories and movies and how artfully fake gore can be done any how fucking scary it is oh my god#smth smth controlled fear rather than normal fear or wtever#similar thing with tragedies like a story will absolutely decimate me to a grain of sand and ill be sobbing then the bext day id be like omg#you have to go check this out its so good to like my sister or acquaintances#its fun !! i prefer like stories and comics to movies and shows however#um idk about podcasts i dont really listen to them i should totally get into it though#i also like horror and stuff for various other reasons yeah
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honestly the idea of newton and lance both ending up w gfs is funny to me only bc ik the two of them would have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT reactions the moment they realize they're in love w the girl they're now dating
basically newton's reaction vs lance's reaction
#sym bionic titan#like newton's just over here like wow love is amazing i didn't even know i could feel this way abt another person this is great ^_^#meanwhile lance over here is suffering™ bc he's basically a byronic hero trapped inside the body of a 17 yr old boy#what i'm saying is the reason newton is able to love more freely and openly than lance (atleast for rn)#is bc he doesn't have a FRACTION of the emotional baggage that lance has due to his upbringing#that boy spent years building up walls guarding his heart to keep ppl out so that he could never be hurt again#he's only now started to let ppl in like ilana and newton/octus bc they're family now but even that can still be hard for him#like sm of lance's character just goes back to this idea of the mortifying ordeal of being known (god he's so mitski's stay soft coded)#how the fear of letting ppl get close to you to love you#means that the nearness has the potential leave you wounded#or that bc you have baggage it means you're broken that prevents you being able to love others#basically what i'm saying is lance is super repressed he def has self loathing#and i CAN'T imagine him getting w kristin in the same way#newton did w kimmy in the sense that they got into a relationship relevantly fast#if anything he's gonna have a slowburn w that girl#even when lance FINALLY does get together w her#i still don't see him being like how newton is w kimmy that he's good expressing his love verbally like saying ily or petnames etc#bc we've seen in canon how lance isn't the best when it comes to that#re: consoling ilana in ep 2 or telling octus how important he is to him in ep 18 but we know he cares#i think kristin knows that and like ilana/newton accepts that abt him#lance to me is better at expressing his love and care for others thru his actions rather than his words#robi hcs#robi rambles
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rn I’m getting through life by romanticizing the idea of me living in a bigger city (not like. new york sized but like just one of our bigger neighboring cities) and working as a librarian or library assistant there or something and having a quiet simply life and a regular routine that I go about
#deity dialogue#or like working at a book store#idk in my head it’s a simply cozy life it’s nothing big or special but it’s nice and comforting to me#I wear silly little outfits I go to nice shops in my spare time then I return home to sit in my room with fluffy and draw#that’s my dream#and I have enough money to live comfortably god#idk I fluctuate on things like#I do not wanna live where I live now like the white county I don’t wanna be here#but idk where else I’d go in the world like idk where to travel or where else to live#so I’d probably still be in the south and still close to where I live now but about an hour or so out of the way which isn’t too far#there’s more to do where I wanna live there’s more places to work more places to go for funsies more places to live etc#where I live at is just. I’m sorry it’s shit the whole area sucks as do the surrounding areas there’s nothinggggg#I don’t want to live here all my life I’m already miserable enough I don’t wanna be even more miserable by never leaving#and yeah the other place isn’t that far away but maybe I’d be happier there? in a place with more to do more people to meet etc etc#idk#I also am aware it would cost more but everything is already expensive may as well try somehow#if I can manage to save money and get a job in that city somehow then I could start saving more and then my roommates and I could move there#idk just agh. ideally I’d live somewhere even farther even more interesting and lively but again idk where I’d even go and I know my#roommates wouldn’t wanna go much farther than where we already have talked about for their own reasons#but I’m not someone who can live alone just too much fear and paranoia. my ideal living situation is to live with other people and we’re all#in equal standing and like have equal responsibilities and pay and manage everything equally which is what my roommates and I plan#those two would be able to live on their own fine and I envy that I’m just too anxious to be alone plus just. I can’t conceive being alone#I would be too lonely and depressed lmao I like having another persons presence ya know?#anyways idk why I’m talking so much in the tags but like I always do#I just want to live somewhere where I’ll be happy with people I like and working a job that doesn’t make me wanna kms and have enough money#to where I’m not constantly stressed about everything and can maybe even afford nice little things#it jsut feels like asking for any of that much less all of it is asking too much :(#I’m hashtag depressed about being alive
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every time someone comes into a pagan space demanding to know why we don't fear all of our gods i feel the urge to turn to njord and ask "are you seeing this shit?"
#metaphorically sitting in a beach chair on the sand w/ a mocktail#shades on asking “first time?”#surprise: people worship gods for reasons other than fear! which you would know! if you read a single gd myth!#tell me u haven't done ur research without telling me u haven't done ur research
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i love tsurune i love tsurune i love tsurune i love tsurune i
#i put off watching s2 for so long bc i was scared it wouldn't have the same magic s1 did#like they were gonna go all sports ball dong touch like they did w free#but no!!!!!!! its exactly the same but just MORE#they are all just dorky kids bonding thru kyuudou Like God Intended#minato is even FUCKING CUTER in this season he kills me in like every episode#he is so fucking kyuudou pilled he thinks about shooting more than kageyama & hinata abt volleyball combined#that one post abt middle school kageyama's head being filled with nothing but 1000 volleyballs bouncing to the rhythm of crazy in love#but its minato at the shooting range 10hr extended ver#the second he allowed himself to enjoy kyuudou again the floodgates SLAMMED open he's so in love with it it's RIDICULOUS#minato has the same exact feelings for kyuudou as a dog hearing the word 'walk'#i love him SO goddamn much#and that's just minato!!!! don't even get me STARTED on nanao & kaito PLSSSSSSSS#the backstory!!!!! their relationship!!!!!! the way they're ALWAYS looking out for each other SCREAMS#i am passing out & losing consiousness this season is giving EVERYTHING#retag later#ani blogging#the main reason i feared it was gonna turn into A Sports Anime was bc of those new chucklefucks from the other school#w the Very Weird out of place Anime ass hair as well as the super ominous teaser end to the comp movie#but as it turns out they are simply a bunch of Fuckin Weirdos for NO REASON and it's SO FUNNY#nikaido's fuckin circus troupe#they walk onto the range & clown music starts playing (diegetic)#but nobody knows where it's coming from & nobody can stop it. this is because they emit it like an aura#anyway they're so dumb and i love them#i'm only halfway through the season rn but goddddddd#i missed this show so much i missed these boys SO much i am so unbelievably happy to see them again being just as silly & lovable as ever#warms my heart!!!!! im so happy!!!!! aaaaaaaa!!!!!!#kyoani you son of a bitch you did it again
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