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organic-guacamole · 3 years

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episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ej caswell #ricky bowen #gina porter #seblos #nini salazar roberts #jack hsmtmts #carlos rodriguez #seb mathew smith #kourtney greene #big red #ashlyn caswell #caswell cousins #portwell will be the death of me #guac's episode text blocks :)

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eastephany539 · 3 years

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A/n:

I just want you guys to know a little bit about this story before reading it.

Y/n means your name, so every time I put y/n you should think of YOUR name.

A/n means author note, that means that I'm going comment on something or idk.

Warnings: just some snake bite,blood mention, throwing up, cursing (nothing too explicit) but I promise that this chapter is going to be funny!

And that's all enjoy my first fanfic ever!

Word count: 2,515

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This morning we got a pretty interesting case, it wasn't a bad case but we needed to do something about it.

So the boss (Steve) decided that Danno, him and I should go to the jungle to look for this prisoner (or I should say ex prisoner) and Chin and Konno were going to look in the house of this guy and search for evidence in how he escaped prison.

It was a really hot day out, so I decided to bring some biker shorts and a white basic shirt, and Danno decided to call me out on it.

-y/n?- he said my name first to get my attention while we were walking in the jungle looking for this guy

-Yeah?- I said

-Why did you brought shorts?, you know that in the jungle there is a lot of insects and you are going to get a lot of insects bites- He said in that little tone that he has.

-Look who is talking about clothes, the person that is wearing some tight pants and a tie in Hawaii- I responded to his unnecessary comment. All of the 5-0 team always tries to protect me, they treat me like a child, maybe because I started working with them since I was 19, but now I'm 23! They still see me like the little girl that cries every time she gets shouted at. Well maybe sometimes I still cry but that is not the point!

-Are you responding to me? Y/n you know that I only said that because I don't want you telling us after we get back that you got a lot of insects bites and start to complain about that- he said that like I wouldn't know that he just said it because ALL of them see me as their "daughter", that's a little bit gross, the only daughter he has is little Gracy, I love her btw.

-Sure,whatever Danno- I said while we kept walking.

-Guys stop talking and come over here, I think this is a shoe print of someone, maybe the guy we're looking for?- said Steve while making a hand movement for us to come.

Danno jogged fast to where Steve was, I wasn't in the mood for jogging or running so I just tried to catch up walking up there. Steve and Danno were like 18 meters away from me when I suddenly felt something in my ankle, I turned around and saw a snake BITING ME!! I started to scream so hard that I think maybe Chin and Konno heard it. Danny and Steve turned around and saw what was happening.

-Y/N RUN OVER HERE!!- Steve told me, well screamed at me.

I started to remember something I saw on the Internet, and instead of running towards them I went directly to the snake again and made it bite me again close to the bite before that. This time I screamed even more, and it hurt and burned so bad!! After that the snake ran away, I couldn't take the pain anymore and I fell on the dirt. Steve and Danno came running to me and Steve carried me bridal style ( if you don't know how that is look it up) and they brought me to a gigantic rock that was there and sat me down.

-What where you thinking y/n?- Danny shouted at you- you didn't just let that snake bite you not only 1 time but 2 times!!! Are you fucking crazy?

-I don't fucking know!!- I shouted back at him in pain.

-Hey hey hey, what have we told you about cursing?- Steve said while examining the bites.

-He just fucking cursed too! You know what right now I don't even want to talk about it, A FUCKING SNAKE BIT THE FUCK OUT OF ME.

Both of them looked at me concerned.

-Ok lets go from step to step, why did you let a snake bite you 2 times?- Steve asked me trying to keep me calm.

-I-I-I saw in an article that when a snake bites you, in the hospital they inject you the same poison that the snake bit into you, so I thought maybe if I let the snake bite me twice....

Before I could end my sentence Danny cut me off- You will be cured right?, where did you saw that again? BECAUSE THAT ISNT REAL Y/N!!! WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING!!!

-Ok ok let's try to calm down- said Steve while thinking of something- I went to the navy SEAL and I ACTUALLY know how to slow the process of the poison. The first thing is to- he said while grabbing my ankle- is to suck the poison out- and without letting me to even say a word he started to suck my ankle ( I know that it may sound weird).

It hurts so bad and felt so weird that I almost punched him in the face so that he could stop, but fortunately he stopped before I could do anything.

-Ok how does it feel now?- said Steve with hope that my wound will feel better.

-It hurts just a little less than before, but it burns like a bitch.

-When you get better be prepared to get scolded- said Danny.I just rolled my eyes at his comment,

-Steve we should head to the car so we can go to the hospital- Danny said while trying to make me stand up.

-The car is a little bit far from here and if we go now I don't know if we could make it before she....-Steve was about to say when Danny cut him off- ok so what should we do next?

Steve looked worried and it looked like he didn't want to say it- what Steve?!- Danny repeated himself

-Ok y/n just know that we need to do this so we can make it to the hospital ok?- I nodded getting a little bit nervous about what he was going to say- YOU need to pee into the bite- Danno and I looked at each other shocked and nervous.

-Haha yeah right, you know Steve right now I'm not really in the mood for jokes, can you just say it please- I said a little bit annoyed that he was making jokes in this moment.

- Im not joking y/n, you need to do this if you want to make it to the hospital, Danno and I are going to look away ok? You just do that and tell us when you are done.

-Nononono I'm not going to pee myself!! I prefer to die

-The last time you peed yourself was yesterday y/n, don't act like it was 100 years ago- Danno said jokingly

-Look y/n if you don't do it, then, we are going to do it to save your life.

-NOOOO, ok ok please look the other way and cover your ears- I said with a shaky voice, I can't believe that ME A 23 YEAR OLD is going to pee herself, I haven't pee myself since I was like 6.

Then I proceeded to do my business but I didn't get the bites, they were in my ankle so I couldn't reach.

-Ok you can turn around now- I said a little disappointed on my self.

-You did it?- Said Steve

-I'm not going to tell you that- I said feeling embarrassed- So how are we supposed to know ?- Danny said

-Ugh ok, I couldn't, my ankle is too far away.

-You just had to direct it!!- Steve said

-HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PEE IN MY ANKLE,?!?!- I said getting frustrated- you know what I don't even know why I'm saying this in front of you guys

- Ok plan B- Steve said thinking- Danno go pee in her ankle

-WHAT!?!?- we both said

-Oh hell no, Steve I already told you that I wasn't going to pee myself and now I did it, but if somebody else pees in me- I said and then gaged- I'm literally killing myself and dying in embarrassment.

-Do you have a better idea?- Steve said. I denied with my head angrily- Ok then Danno go ahead

- Why me tho?- Danno said going to my direction

-Because you are always my plan B- Said Steve with a smirk in his face. How could he be smiling while all of this is happening

-Please I plead to you, DO NOT PEE ANYWHERE ELSE- I said while turning my head the other way and covering my ears praying that it was all just a bad dream, really bad dream.

After 3 minutes passed and you felt nothing you started to get impatient, not only you but also Steve.

-Danno are you over yet?- Steve was the first to speak

-I can't do it!- said Danno-

-yes you can just do it!- said Steve trying to encourage him

-No literally I can't! I went to the bathroom before we came here and I haven't drank water since, and also you guys are making me feel nervous.

-YOU ARE NERVOUS? How do you think I feel ?!? Am I really going to die like this? Nobody is going to beat my record of the worst dead.

-You are not going to die! I will do it, it's the last plan I've got- said Steve changing places with Danno

-Nonono, now I'm NOT doing this, Danno was ok but you? YOU? I'm not letting this happen- I said while trying to get up

Then Steve grabbed me by my arm and putted me down- You are not going anywhere, we really need you to live, and if this is the only option we are going to do it.

-I'm not going to die because of the bites, I'm going to die of embarrassment, please tell me this is just a horrible nightmare, just wake me up please- I said not knowing what to do

-Look the other way and cover you ears now- Steve said, well he ordered me

-I'm going to cry, I'm literally going to start crying, WHY MEEEE WHYYY?- I said while doing what he ordered

-Don't cry, in a couple of months you are not even going to remember this- Danno said

After that happened I felt horrible, literally I felt horrible, I started to get dizzy and got nauseous.

-Guys I'm not feeling that well.

- Cmon it wasn't that bad, like Danno said you aren't even going to remember it- Steve said while trying to get me up.

- No literally I think I'm going to th-th-throw u...- before I could say it Steve quickly picked me up and putted me near a tree. Danno was grabbing my hair and Steve was grabbing me.

After I finally stopped throwing up Steve started to talk- Now we really need to hurry up and get to the car.

-I agree- Danno said while helping Steve to carry me.

Steve started to carry me bride style again but this time he was walking fast, Danny was in front of us running.

-Am I heavy?- I said so exhausted

-Mmm it feels like I'm carrying 3 pillows- Steve managed to say while almost running

-If you get tired you can give her to me Steve- Danno said

-No it's ok, she really feels like carrying pillows.

-Talking about pillows, I'm going to close my... my... my eyes for a little bit ok?- I said so sleepy

-Hey Hey y/n nonono you can't sleep, stay with us ok? What did you do today?- steve asked me so I wouldn't fall asleep

-Mmmm today I got up..... got some cereal.....then my annoying boss called me-Steve and Danno laughed at this comment-I went to my office.....pretended like I did something while waiting for a case

-Oh so you always pretend to be busy?

-Mmm yeah-Steve laughed again

-Then I came to the jungle and Danno started to scold me for wearing some biker shorts......and he was right a snake bit me....you peed on me.... and I'm going to sleep now.

-Nononoo we are here! We arrived to the car y/n- Danno said while helping Steve to get me in the car. Then they both got in and Steve started to drive as fast as he could.

-I'm going to call Chin and Konno and tell them what happened and that they need to go to the Jungle instead of us- said Danny while pressing buttons in his phone. Steve just nodded

While Danno was telling chin the situation Steve tried to make a conversation with me so I wouldn't fall asleep

After Danno was done talking, they were almost arriving to the hospital.

-I-I-I...-I started to say

-What ? What's wrong princess?- said Steve worried and Danno turned around to see if I was doing ok

-I-I'm never going to forget that you peed on me Steve, I will die with embarrassment-I said making both of them to laugh

-You are actually not going to die because we just arrived to the hospital, stay with us y/n-said Danno while opening his door

Steve carried me to the hospital and the doctors came running to me, they got me a room and they started to cure the bites.

After a few hours all of the team of 5-o was here with me in the hospital, my bites had some bandages around it and the doctor said that I will be good.

-Ptss Danno, Steve- I said to them

-Yeah?

-I just wanted to say that please don't EVER tell somebody the part that you guys tried and peed on me, if someone knows except for the three of us, I don't care who told it, I'm going to kill both of you and then myself- I said warning them

-Is that a threat?- Steve said laughing

-You can't say that to your superiors!!- Danny said laughing to

-And besides that, thank you guys so much for helping me and saving my life, I love you both so much!- I said while hugging them

-We love you too- Steve said

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A/n:

Well definitely was a weird one! I hope you guys liked the story, I'm open for any suggestions or requests and please if you don't understand something or see a gramar mistake don't be afraid to tell me! I really want to improve.

I hope you have a nice night/day.

#steve mcgarrett #hawaii five 0 #h50 #mcdanno

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addiehour · 6 years

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title: jennydarling & (the) r1pper

pairings: hmmmm can we guess

summary: put jenny & giles into my favorite AU (met playing a video game), playing my personal favorite rpg... which is where all the ingame chatter comes from. and don’t you think giles might be a little more confident behind a screen?... tons of easter eggs from the game, buffy, studio killers, and... one david copperfield trick.

notes: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CELIA! @jenny-calendar i love you lots and lots; you gave me a home and a place in this fandom & even better, a friend in you and that’s something i’ll always remember and appreciate; thank you so much for making it this far and brightening up so many people’s lives ♡

brief glossary:

tank = player who takes most of the damage (& redirects it towards themself if necessary) in order to protect squishier targets with less health

tank mage: there’s no term for an offensive (as opposed to defensive) mage so this is the best available one rip

hs = request to heal a player

pots = potions

gg = good game

Whisper messages = this game has no IMing; just a different color in chat and messages nobody can see... so like IMing, just not on a different window/screen

pvp = player-vs-player (in the game i’m using as a base, you’d apply for official pairings to make sure you got someone with the same level range, and it’d be 2v2)

wb = welcome back

tully’s = a real live actual chain of coffee shops

warrior = high defense, low range, high attack

mage = low defense, medium range, medium-high attack (depending) and ability to heal

ranger = medium defense, high range, medium-high attack

She doesn’t care if he is the r1pper, he is a self-entitled jerk and a complete creep and she is not going to play backup for him anymore. If he asks her, a tank mage, for heals one more time, she is just going to--

r1pper: hs

“Augh!” She rips the headset off and leans back in her seat. Okay, so she’s the only mage in this battlefield. Okay, so there’s three people total. Okay, so he’s taking some damage from the Thorns Curse on the egg that he’s trying to attack. But she’s trying to attack it, too, and now he’s going to get all the EXP, and he expects her to heal him?

jennydarling: use pots

r1pper: all gone

She groans, leaning back in her seat. Okay. Here we go.

jennydarling: i don’t have hs

r1pper: ???

r1pper: are you... serious?

jennydarling: yeah i know i’m a mage with no hs

He gets the last hit, and of course he’s been dealing the most damage because he’s been playing for six years and has probably invested thousands of dollars into this stupid game.

xwatcher2: gg

xwatcher2: thx for playing with us r

r1pper: nw

Another reason she Hates This Guy (fame aside, irritating attitude aside) is the way he talks. It’s dw: don’t worry. Nw??? no worries? Just type it out. Or use the normal abbreviation. But of course on him it’s ‘cool’. And he gets thanked for existing.

The ranger begins switching through different costumes. Jenny and r1pper’s characters stand awkwardly, not saying anything. She wants to shoot laser beams at him, but the best the game has is a little face that looks like it’s crying, and also the one you use when you’ve snuck up on somebody and killed them in two shots. So she says nothing, and when the game warps them back to the Village, she gets ready to teleport somewhere where she can train for three hours and not think about stupid famous r1pper and his stupid famous face (currently outfitted in a decorative eye patch she knows for a fact costs over a million Gold on this server) when she sees the little purple message pop up in her chat window.

Great, now he’s Whispering to her.

r1pper->jennydarling: you made a mage account with no hs?

She frowns. Yeah, and what? She tells him exactly that, and there’s a pronounced pause.

r1pper->jennydarling: I thought the whole point of having a mage account was to be able to heal

jennydarling->r1pper: well you thought wrong

jennydarling->r1pper: maybe i just like mana

It’s true. She tried being a warrior once, thinking it might be ‘easier’, but aside from being treated slightly better, the main difference was that she could only use skills after landing a shot with the normal Attack function, and that took forever on a low level. Warriors need to be trained skillfully, and you only have a couple options for attacks, anyway.

Mages? Now, mages are flexible.

She tells him that, too, and he types back haha. Like, what, it’s funny? He just can’t admit that she’s right. Or is totally incompetent at online communications, which is something else she’s also heard, on those forum boards you can’t escape his name on.

LAN0SCAST1E

yeah if you actually talk to him he talks kind of funny

TW0M

funny how?

LAN0SCAST1E

funny like, he spells everything out. he also doesn’t know how to use most abbreviations; he says it took a long time for him to learn. but it’s also a cool break from the rest of the internet

TW0M

huh

‘Huh’ indeed. Jenny spends another half hour arguing with this weirdo about the ‘point’ of using mages before she tells him that maybe he should try using a mage account himself before he goes off at her about what mages are ‘for’, and also to go soak his head. That’s as creative as she can get without the filters catching it.

r1pper: well, thank you for talking to me, anyhow

r1pper: perhaps i’ll see you later

jennydarling: Perhaps I Shall Also See You Later, My Dearest Sir R1pper.

(And it takes forever to type capitals on this game, so she hopes he knows she means it.)

r1pper: dearest!

r1pper: well, i certainly prefer this to fighting

r1pper: good day

And then he logs off, so when she sends are you fucking kidding me it not only censors out the swear, it also tells her USER HAS LOGGED OFF in big yellow NPC text.

Jenny rips her headphones off, makes several violent banging motions with them, and then jams them back on her head as gently as possible because they are expensive and she doesn’t want to break them.

Jenny manages to avoid r1pper for a full week before she applies for PvP and ends up, unbelievably, with him. She prays they can do this without talking, and they do-- and for a moment, it’s easier than with anybody else; she doesn’t have to explain that she can’t heal, and he doesn’t expect any healing: with two tanks, they overtake the opposing side easily, killing first the squishy mage and then their tank.

r1pper: good thing i decided to stock up on pots

jennydarling: a warrior without pots is just an arrogant idiot

JENNYDARLING->CENSOR: a warrior without pots is just an arrogant *****

jennydarling: wow this game is pathetic

r1pper: and now i get to guess what you’re calling me

r1pper: does it start with an f?

jennydarling: too many letters

jennydarling: but close, and i’d call anybody that if they expect every mage in the battlefield to heal them

r1pper: i’ve touched a nerve

r1pper: metaphorically speaking.

r1pper: and i’ve also not gone anywhere near the nerve (anything to do with mages or healing)

r1pper: this is impressive

jennydarling: oh, die

r1pper: that’s just what i’ll do if every mage refuses to heal me

jennydarling: i’m ONE MAGE. let people have their own free will

r1pper: a passionate defense.

r1pper: let people follow tradition?

r1pper: reason?

r1pper: game design?

The system boots them back into the village, where both of them get lost in a crowd of people, and Jenny walks off to find someone to sell her victory pendants to. She has a full set of them now, which means it’s time to get her 50,000 gold, which she will use to save up for a new staff because she is hoping that the prices will drop in the next two weeks.

She’s just hit the OK button on the trade when another Whisper message pops up:

r1pper->jennydarling: hello

jennydarling->r1pper: do you stalk all of your fans?

r1pper->jennydarling: you’re a fan?

jennydarling->r1pper: touche. do you stalk all of your haters

r1pper->jennydarling: i wouldn’t say that, either

jennydarling->r1pper: has anybody told you you talk like if a british bulldog became mayor

r1pper->jennydarling: as a british person, i take offense to that

jennydarling->r1pper: but you don’t take offense as a bulldog or the mayor

r1pper->jennydarling: witty response loading. in the meanwhile, i have a bed to return to

jennydarling->r1pper: with or without a legion of hot chicks who follow your every move and claim you’re the best player to ever grace our humble w

The chat cuts her response off there, and she has to respond with a simple bye, which is unreasonably polite for her and looks unreasonably impolite on screen. But even with the phrase deleted, she can’t help thinking more about it, and also feeling grateful she didn’t get the chance to send it after all.

What do you know? r1pper has a blog.

Jenny finds this out while searching for a tutorial on how to finish Kulin’s quest in the Mushroom Marshland, because she’s been wandering all over the beach and in the lighthouse and absolutely nothing has dropped the Kneecap she’s looking for. She’s not even sure what kind of thing would drop a kneecap. There are skeletons, but they’re bosses and she’s hoping she’s not going to have to deal with them.

Find a party, r1pper suggests. Go together; the skeleton men are likely too difficult for one (even high level) player, especially as opposed to a balanced group of about two rangers, a mage, and a good tank (or two, depending on your level. Better to be safe than sorry). I have now completed the quest twice, and...

It gets worse from there, but the most absolutely awful thing has got to be the twenty comments begging r1pper to be in their party. Or guild, or genitals. Well, the genitals comment is only one person, and it’s probably a bot, but it still frustrates Jenny. She’s been playing this game for almost a decade now, and for what? For some guy with a weird way of talking to out-popular her? She hates him.

Which is also why she asks him to be in her party for the quest the next time she sees him log on (you know, after the barrage of wb r1pper, wb rip!, wb r1pper <3, and assorted other greetings that make her want to vomit).

r1pper->jennydarling: right

r1pper->jennydarling: you understand when i wrote that guide i was under the impression that a mage would heal the tank

jennydarling->r1pper: haha

jennydarling->r1pper: bring pots

r1pper->jennydarling: are you serious?

jennydarling->r1pper: yes. bring your friend

r1pper->jennydarling: ethan?

jennydarling->r1pper: wow i totally expected you to say ‘which of my thousands of friends, and women who want to do me’

r1pper->jennydarling: *and men

jennydarling->r1pper: ????

r1pper->jennydarling: you’re leaving out the men. this is outrageous

r1pper->jennydarling: what kind of social justice mage are you?

jennydarling->r1pper: HA. HA.

jennydarling->r1pper: you get 2/3 if we kill that many; i just need one kneecap for the quest

r1pper->jennydarling: alright

They get four, in the end (being high-leveled and all), and give the last one to Ethan, and Jenny walks away thinking maybe the whole experience wasn’t all that bad. So she goes to r1pper’s blog to find out what he recommends for tanks, and of course it’s all warrior-based and the mage-related advice assumes they’ll be behind the warriors, at all times. Jenny leaves a strongly-worded comment and trusts that he’ll know it’s her.

They join forces a couple more times before Jenny asks if r1pper has any social media. social media? he asks, and then says i don’t have any. And she says you have a blog, and he says, well, i wouldn’t call it anything social, and she says very funny now give me your phone number.

They don’t call each other. Jenny feels like it would just be weird. Instead, they trade stupid phone messages throughout the day. She sits in the library, scrolling through teaching jobs online (looks like a Computer Science/English double major doesn’t actually get you set for life), and occasionally receives a saw this and thought of you (accompanied by pictures of various spitting cats) or just in case (screenshot of a guide for ‘Beginner Mage Players’) or, once, for my biggest fan-- plus a signature so blurry that Jenny can’t even make out the first letter.

She has a guess, though.

jenny: does your name really start with R?

r1pper: yes, actually

jenny: wow

jenny: do i get to find out what it is now?

r1pper: absolutely not

r1pper: you would laugh at me

jenny: and now i’ve got to know

jenny: is it randy

r1pper: good lord

r1pper: no. not half as bad as randall

jenny: randall???

r1pper: it’s what randy is short for

jenny: of course it is

jenny: tell me your name

r1pper: under no circumstances

jenny: tell me what you’re signing, then

r1pper: i’m moving, as it happens

r1pper: a new job in sunny california

jenny: hey, norcal or socal?

r1pper: i feel very uncomfortable telling my most vocal critic that

r1pper: you might break into my home and leave dirt on all my belongings

jenny: (busts every window in south california to find you)

r1pper: that would be frightening

jenny: yay! i live in socal too

r1pper: this is the most excited i’ve ever seen you

r1pper: well, ‘seen’ you

r1pper: for that, if you give me a county, I’ll reciprocate

jenny: who has time for that? i live in sunnydale by the high school

r1pper: really!

r1pper: soon that will be me as well

jenny: wow, nuts

jenny: you know what this means, right?

r1pper: your search will eventually turn up my home and you will burn it to the ground, chanting about mage oppression all the way?

jenny: WE SHOULD MEET UP.

Jenny flips her phone over, rolls her eyes, and doesn’t worry about the texts until she hasn’t gotten a response in five minutes.

r1pper: i don’t think that’s a very good idea.

Oh, of course he doesn’t.

jenny: you’ve been wrong about all your ideas so far

r1pper: not the secret path to the pirate ship on the beach

jenny: fine. not that

jenny: but this isn’t about secret paths

r1pper: it’s about me not knowing if you’re secretly a child!

jenny: say what

She realizes, with a jolt, that she actually hasn’t thought too distinctly about r1pper’s age. She assumes he’s not as old as her, obviously, because what other thirty-five-year-old would waste their time on this, but now it’s hitting her that he might be a teenager.

Not with that speech style, she tells herself, and then tells r1pper that she is a fully grown adult and she has her own house. He relents.

r1pper: so what is your master plan?

jenny: you arrive at my house, i eat your head

r1pper: very attractive.

jenny: how do i know YOU’RE not a kid

r1pper: who just bought an apartment?

jenny: ...fine.

(Okay, she should’ve thought of that. Whatever.)

r1pper: anyway, coming to a stranger’s house is out of the question

jenny: your mommy won’t let you?

r1pper: my common sense won’t let me

jenny: does your common sense let you drink coffee?

r1pper: no, as it happens

jenny: sorry

jenny: what

r1pper: i don’t drink coffee. i drink tea

jenny: right, british

jenny: still not an excuse

r1pper: it isn’t an excuse. it has nothing to do with the fact that tea tastes good, and coffee tastes like pig swill

r1pper: pardon my french

jenny: you’re

jenny: so wrong i don’t even know where to start

jenny: at least let me buy you coffee

r1pper: wouldn’t that be complying with the patriarchal subjugation of mages, or something?

jenny: maybe so

jenny: tully’s on monday at 10 am, and if you’re not there i tell everyone i know ingame that you have a +crit potion fetish

r1pper: i’m tempted to force your hand to see if anyone would believe you

r1pper: it’s possible you’d only lose your few remaining guild members

r1pper ranked the top seven guilds recently, using some kind of Microsoft Excel sheet that was too complicated for Jenny to understand more than the first column of. He gave the excuse that he didn’t actually know of more than seven highly influential guilds, and then tacked on an ‘honorable mention’ for Jenny’s guild, which he knows full well is just her and three other people, no matter how hard she tries to get everybody else to join. For the last six days, she’s had people harassing her to get in, then immediately dropping out when they see it has no members.

jenny: ha. ha.

jenny: show up or else

r1pper: threats! now you see why nobody joins your guild

r1pper: you have to be more personable

jenny: and you’re so personable??

r1pper: actually, yes

r1pper: when not repeatedly harassed by mages

Jenny doesn’t have much of a response to that other than to tell r1pper that he’d better show up at the cafe next week, and she’s going to get him the sweetest possible coffee and so help her he is going to drink it. r1pper says he’d rather stick with his potions, and Jenny slaps her phone down and doesn’t talk to him for an hour.

It’s only while standing in line for her (and his) drink that Jenny realizes she has no idea how she’ll recognize him. She orders a vanilla latte along with her own espresso anyway, thinking that there’ll be enough people who want a vanilla latte later for her to just pass it off onto them in case of an emergency.

Fortunately, she doesn’t have to worry. In the time it takes for her to get her drinks and get back to her seat (behind her laptop, which displays a meta about the game’s stats system she’s been working on), someone has materialized in the seat across from her.

“Oh,” she says, putting the drinks down. She finds she didn’t have a witty opening line planned, and has to compensate. “That was fast.”

“I used my recall scroll,” he says, smiling slightly. He looks a lot more nervous than her, but he does have the promised British accent, which makes Jenny feel considerably closer to her usual confidence.

“And you’re in your level-forties,” she quips, sitting down and sliding him his drink.

“Ouch,” he says, pointedly not touching it. He has light brown hair-- which is the real age giveaway, because it’s thinning-- and glasses. She wouldn’t have expected glasses on the world’s number one RPG star. And a dad sweater-- Jenny wouldn’t have expected that on r1pper, either.

“I feel like I could stand to know your name now,” Jenny says after a moment. r1pper shifts uncomfortably.

“Um-- Giles. Rupert Giles.”

“Rupert?”

“Now you understand--”

“You think Rupert--”

“--why I refused to tell you!”

“--is better than Randall?”

“Yes,” he says, and sits back. “Did you poison the coffee?”

“I didn’t poison anything,” Jenny says, flipping her hair. “Rupert.”

“Well, if you’re going to say it like that, we may as well revert to using our usernames,” he mutters, lifting the top of the cup.

“You don’t do that,” Jenny says, and he stops.

“What?”

“Don’t lift that. It’s going to spill on you and burn you.”

r1pper--Rupert--whoever-he-is doesn’t look like he really believes her, so she shrugs and replaces the cap as best he can.

“Um-- so the rest of my guild is fighting a boss right now,” Rupert says, sort of staring out the window.

“Gee, and I’m so sorry to keep you from it,” Jenny mutters, taking a much longer sip of her espresso than is ever necessary.

“No-- No, I mean that I-- I canceled, to meet you.” He laughs quietly, looking at his cup. “I’ve been coached on how to talk to you.”

“Oh, really?” Jenny takes another sip. “Tell whoever did it that they did a bad job.”

“Everybody in my guild joined in, as it happens,” Rupert says. “I have been told to ask if you like Mexican food.”

“Sure, yeah,” Jenny says. “Do you want to go get some?”

“I feel like it pairs badly with coffee,” Rupert muses, and then takes a sip. “Oh, God.” He scrunches his entire face up and doesn’t de-scrunch it for several seconds.

“It’s sugary,” Jenny tells him.

“So you did poison it,” he says, putting the cup down. “Am I expected to drink this?”

“All of it,” Jenny says. “That’s why you have a Small.”

“And you have... the opposite,” Rupert notes, gesturing.

“I’m very good at what I do,” Jenny says, half-emptying the cup in one gulp. “God, that’s good.”

“This is frightening to watch.”

“Listen--” Jenny puts her cup down for a moment. “If you want to go get Mexican or something--”

“My coaches didn’t ask if I liked Mexican,” Rupert says. Then he adds, “but I don’t mind it, so if you’re offering--”

“I am,” Jenny says, very firmly. She also tosses her hair a bit, for effect. “Next week?”

“I’m starting my job next week.”

“Ooh, let me guess.” Jenny sits back. “Programming?”

“Absolutely not. It’s a, um, daycare center.”

She leans in again. She’s actually not sure she heard. “A what?”

“For the... for the elementary school. You know, aftercare. And then before that it functions as a-- as a preschool, you know--”

Jenny snorts.

“Have you told your guild?”

“Why would I?”

“Because nobody’s going to believe me if I say r1pper works at a daycare,” Jenny mutters, taking another sip. She considers trying Rupert’s drink, but then thinks twice, mostly because it really does have a lot of sugar.

“Right,” Rupert says, fidgeting with his drink. He pulls the cardboard coffee sleeve up and down his cup, and then mentions, “I tried playing as a mage.”

Jenny tries not to act surprised. “And?”

“And it was more difficult than I thought. I’m sorry.” He pauses, and Jenny is just managing to figure out how to take all this when he adds, “You can have my username on that account-- it’s 3619737. I didn’t want any... similarity to my other username. And it’s virtually impossible to remember.”

“Right,” Jenny says. “So you’re... asking me to help you level up?”

“That is exactly what I am asking, yes,” Rupert says, flushing more than when they were talking about getting Mexican food together.

“Can’t use your famous guildmates, I guess,” she mutters into her cup.

“Speaking of guilds,” Rupert says, “I was thinking of asking you to join mine.” And then he takes another sip of his drink, and coughs. “As I said: poison.”

“Clearly the sugar’s going to your head.” Jenny finishes off her cup and tosses it into the trash from across the room; the barista gives her a dirty look.

“Putting your skills as a mage to good use,” Rupert notes, and Jenny looks at him. “Ranged attacks.”

“Oh, shut up. And you know I’m working on my own guild.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Rupert says. “Please let me pour this out.”

“No,” Jenny says. “And what exactly would your guild be offering me?”

“A party member whenever you need one,” Rupert says, “and probably some help if someone tries to player kill you on the beach.”

“I can take care of myself,” Jenny says, crossing her arms.

“I know you can, which is why I’m asking you to join. I wouldn’t take on anyone who needed help.”

“I don’t--”

“I didn’t say you did,” Rupert says, half-smiling. “But you have a talent for dragging me into arguments.”

Jenny mutters something irritably and tucks a strand of hair out of the way.

“Fine,” she says, eventually. “I’ll consider it.”

“That’s all I am willing to ask.” Rupert gets up, giving his cup an odd glance. Jenny sighs; he takes it with him when he leaves. She squints after him to make sure he doesn’t toss it out the second he shuts the doors.

Two days later, Jenny is being plagued with Whisper messages.

thebigb->jennydarling: is it you

havefaith->jennydarling: hey do you know r1pper

westofthemoon->jennydarling: it’s you???

fredonly->jennydarling: omg found you

Jenny responds to as many people as she can with confusion and gets directed to r1pper’s latest blog post, which-- fine-- she said he could make.

Recently I met another player ‘IRL’ for the first time. It was an interesting experience, though not one I would likely repeat too soon (before anyone comments asking). She was very nice, although she bought me what I still believe is a poisoned drink, and...

Fine. Read the post, see r1pper updated the list of guild members, 2+2=Jenny.

But it still weirds her the fuck out.

thebigb->jennydarling: wait are you and r1pper dating

jennydarling->thebigb: NO

thebigb->jennydarling: oh okay cool

jennydarling->r1pper: do you deal with this all the time

r1pper->jennydarling: deal with what

jennydarling->r1pper: whisper messages

r1pper->jennydarling: yes; i don’t respond to most of them

r1pper->jennydarling: block them if they’re giving you trouble

r1pper->jennydarling: ...you’re getting whisper messages?

jennydarling->r1pper: thanks to the fact that everyone thinks i’m dating a certain someone

r1pper->jennydarling: who?

jennydarling->r1pper: oh nevermind

r1pper->jennydarling: well alright

r1pper->jennydarling: friday?

jennydarling->r1pper: still happening

r1pper->jennydarling: oh, good

r1pper->jennydarling: i just wanted to be sure

jennydarling->r1pper: yeah

jennydarling->r1pper: nw.

#calendiles #jenny calendar #buffy #. HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2 MY DARLING CELES!#. also this is the One and Only time i will refer to him as 'rupert'. we all know i hate that name #. also also: jenny joining the scoobies perhaps?#. :3c #benfic

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zouchu · 6 years

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92 Truths Tag

RULES: Once you have been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged..

I’ve been tagged by @bangtan-chats-and-memes (thank you so much !!)

LAST:

Drink: why, only the most exciting exotic unique rare drink ever ... water

Phone call: initiated by me: my dad for permission to go to the mall / not initiated by me: my parents to check up on my sisters and i at home

Text message: i sent a screenshot of “jelly garden“ (candy crush rip-off) to my group chat with the caption “totally original / definitely not some chinese rip-off“

Song you listened to: l o v e s c e n a r i o by ikon. i was obsessed with momoland’s “bboom bboom” for a while too Time you cried: ive teared up (because my eyes burn looking at things randomly), but the last time i let the tears fall was probably for/about Jonghyun.

HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no remotely romantic relationships here

Been cheated on: see above

Kissed someone and regretted it: you’d need to have kissed to regret kissing (no)

Lost someone special: it’s circumstantial

Been depressed: the most ive felt was extreme stress, and thats not anywhere close to depression, so nope

Been drunk and thrown up: i can’t not according to the Law, i am an obeyer (?) of the law sometimes probably

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: ive gotten more comfortable with my friends’ friends this year, and began speaking to @allthingstaekook and @garekinanase97 a lot more !!

Fallen out of love: you need to have been in it to fall out of it, haha!

Laughed until you cried: oh definitely

Met someone who changed you: friends/family changed me while i was being made... does that make sense? they molded me more than changed me

Found out who your true friends are: for sure, hopefully (for sure)

Found out someone was talking about you: my second eldest sister probably, who tells her friends about me? for some reason? bc that makes sense to her?? somehow ????

GENERAL

How many people in Tumblr do you know in real life?: no one and i don’t mind lol (i suck at social interaction)

Do you have any pets?: nope, bc its too much of a responsibility (my parents words, paraphrased, not mine)

Do you want to change your name?: not really... never thought about it, but i don’t mind changing or not changing it

What time did you wake up this morning?: 7:28 am

What were you doing last night?: procrastinating the fUCk out of my english rant thats due on fRIdAy and im probably gonna restart aGAIn

Name something you cannot wait for: summer vacation probably

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: there was a kid named Thomas at my elementary school who did weather reports for probably 5+ years

What’s getting on your nerves right now?: MY UNABLITY TO DO WORK AND FINISH A SIMPLE ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT LIKE WHATS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT IT XIAO HOW HARD CAN IT BE (REALLY FCUKING HARD APPARENTLY)

Blood type: ive got... no idea

Nickname: i use my chinese name “xiao” here (even though no one seems to use it) bc i dont trust the internet very much yet.

Relationship status: tis i, a lonely single bean

Zodiac sign: gemini! ive never went out of my way to look at it, but when i do, i dont relate very much

Pronouns: she/her

Favourite show: uhhhh i dont watch... shows? cartoons, maybe (phineas and ferb, spongebob, fairly odd parents). the only kdrama ive finished was the guardians, and it was pretty good.

College: nope, im practically a baby still

Hair colour: was black and always has been

Do you have a crush on someone?: ive had a crush before. rn... i not sure what i feel

What do you like about yourself?: im pretty happy with how i turned out. i’ve only been unhappy about minor physical things. id definitely upgrade my productivity if i were to change anything.

FIRSTS

First surgery: none i can remember

First piercing: my ears when i was 3: begged my aunt to get them pierced. after one ear, i didnt want to anymore, and she ended up bribing me to get it pierced

First sport you joined: swimming? badminton? not too sure

First vacation: to china, but idk if that counts as a vacation since i stayed there for 4-5 years so

First pair of sneakers: hey, kudos to you if you can remember that, bc i cant

RIGHT NOW

Eating: just ate a snickers

Drinking: why, only the most exciting exotic unique rare drink ever ... water

I’m about to: TRY to work on english

Listening to: my playlist shuffled to Married to the Music by SHINee -- so underrated gOD

Want kids: i wanna adopt, so when the kids have more common sense and know when to stop crying and disobeying at random times

Get married: doesnt sound too bad. i picture myself living a pretty basic life, so marriage is probably in the picture somewhere

Career: anytime an adult asks me this question to try to start a conversation... hooo boy, did you make it difficult bc i have no idea. business maybe, editor maybe... idk

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: never really thought about this... eyes?

Hugs or kisses: idk what kisses are like, and i seem to try to avoid hugs when offered soooooo ill go for the unknown: kisses

Shorter or taller: o shit ive never thought about this before. i’d like to be taller, or same height, give or take 5 cm

Older or younger: age doesnt equate their behavior. if we’re solely looking at age, give or take 2 years maybe?

Romantic or spontaneous: ooh both

Sensitive or loud: i get loud when im comfortable and passionate, so itd be nice to have a balance, and a counterpart, so.. both

Hookup or relationship: relationship. hookups would not be for me (i think waaay too much into everything)

Troublemaker or hesitant: im pretty indecisive and hesitant, so a counterpart here to urge me to be more ~adventurous~ would be nice

HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: nope

Lost contacts/glasses: i dont wear either so

Sex on first date: nope

Broken someone’s heart: not to that extent, but “rejected” (ran away)

Been arrested: nope and hopefully never

Turned someone down: in 6th grade, i ran away from/pointedly ignored 2 confessions and i feel terrible, thinking back. they were good friends, for sure, but i was am emotionally constipated and lack emotional and social intelligence

Fallen for a friend: no... maybe? fallen =/= crushed. crushed, yes

DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: most times

Miracles: i believe in chance and possibilities, so you could say i believe in miracles

Love at first sight: attraction yea, but love? of course not

-- la fin --

i tag uh,, @allthingstaekook @4-rmv @gudetaeyeon @fightme-jungkook @yoonjih no pressure though !!

#tag game #zouchu rambles

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captainobvious-goes-rogue-blog · 7 years

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You sin (1)

You see, I’ve never been much of a great guy. There was a time I thought I was, but not anymore. First, Laura wanted to marry me - I didn’t. Fuck, I didn’t even want to Fuck her. But I did, of course. Fuck it. Then she asked me what was troubling me since my eyes seemed so distant from this world. I lied. If there’s anything I am good at is lying. But she didn’t know that at the time. So I told her I’d been tired, my job was even worse than me (this last bit at least was true). I guess she didn’t truly believe it but no words of defiance came out of her mouth. And god knows talking was the second best thing her mouth could do. I wish I was a better person so I could stop saying things like these. My mouth doesn’t really excel at anything. It’s fine, I just wish to be a better person. I don’t even write the word god with capital G as you may have noticed. I could but I won’t. And that just makes it worse. I don’t believe in the greater good; there is no god, there’s only pure human Fuckery.

When she told me again that she wanted a baby, I didn’t speak. “What’s the matter with you?” but my eyes never left the floor; my mouth shut like a tomb. “You dont love me anymore, I can see it”. It was true. If only I was a better person, maybe I could have loved her. But I wasn’t and I didn’t.

“Why don’t you say it? you coward”. She never had been so right in her whole life. Worst of all, I started to cry like the man I wasn’t (here’s your baby darling, here’s your god damn little newborn wanna hold him?). My fists were clenched like two white stones, fingernails piercing flesh, blood driping to the floor. She must have seen it and turned her back to me. I looked at her. god, she was beautiful. If only her back was her front and her front was her back. See? I told you I’ve never been much of a great guy.

I tried to touch her shoulders but, because of my tears, she seemed sooo far away as If I was seeing her through the wrong side of a telescope. I needed a glass of whiskey, my lips were like sandpaper. And what could I say? Sorry? Did I really think that would have been enough after all I didn’t do?

“You want to leave me… but you won’t say it. You can’t leave”

(Wish I could, baby) “That’s not true, baby” I finally managed to say.

“So why? Why don’t you want a baby?”

“I want, I swear I do” (but not with you… that’s all. I’m not even lying this time)

She started taking off her jeans. Her black hair hung in the air hiding her face, like a curtain hiding the stage for a bad play.

“Come then, I’m not horny now, but we can do it right here”

“There’s no need. I’m late for work”

“You don’t even like your work”

(oh but I dont even like you, baby, and here I am) “I can’t be late”

“Go then. Run away like you always do. Dont forget your lunch bag and take your cowardice with you”

“okay”

“okay? Is that all you have to say?”

(I have so much more to say, you would never believe it) “ umh umh”

She pulled her jeans again and left, shutting the door behind. Perhaps another guy would have ran after her, kissed her lips and made love to her right there on the floor. Maybe that doesn’t even require a man of love but I just… didn’t feel like doing it. My mood was someonewhere else.

Since I’d never been much of a great guy, I had bought a second cellphone with the money I got every month from my shit job. We were always arguing about babies that would never be and dream marriages which to me felt more like nightmares. So I got another person to talk to. Another woman. You know, just talking, nothing wrong. Then was the time when I still thought there was some good inside me; when I believed in souls and wrote god with capital G. Looking back I think buying that phone was like buying a gun to commit the crime I was yet to understand.

I met Fiora on the internet through live chat. First we only talked at nights when my ought-to-be-wife fell asleep like a princess. One night Fiora asked me to turn on the webcam - she “really wanted to see me”. A phrase I had forgotten for a long time. So I turned it on without thinking twice. “Oh boy, you are one of a kind” she wrote in pink inside the small text box. I blushed, thankful for the only dim light inside the room, coming out of my computer. It was almost full dark, but still, she saw another thing. “Is there someone on that bed behind you?” (Fuck) “Yes” I wrote back. “Who is it?” I wanted to lie. But this time I had made a promise to myself: no more lies from now on. I really didn’t want to mess things up with this new woman. So, against all odds I said she was my sister. “ohh I hope she doesn’t wake up because of us”. At the time my heart was pounding inside me like a drumstick played by a really angry musician. I was afraid to wake her up with it, so, eventually I called it a night and we both wrote “I like you very much, goodbye”. I layed beside Laura and didn’t sleep until 5 a.m, thinking about Fiora. Went to work at 7 after a very sweet dream.

Night-stand conversations started do feel like were not enough. We wanted to talk during the day too. So I bought the phone and we started texting almost 24/7. At this point my soul was starting to give way and although I'd never seen Fiora, I could picture myself with her. Talking but not only that. My thoughts were getting dirty. Dirtier. Remember that little crime I was yet to understand? I know this now: Every text I sent was a bullet thrown inside the loader. Sooner or later I’d have to pull the trigger. I wanted it to be later because I was a coward - always have been - and didn't want Fiora to know the real me. What if she saw through my flesh and bones? I've never been much of a great guy and Fiora deserved better. She deserved the world. Maybe all this had been a mistake.

The day after our last fight (this is, of course, if you accept one beating the shit out of the other without resistance as fighting), she called me during lunch break. Only it was my first cellphone and the name read Laura. My smile faded imediatly (fuck).

"hey" I said

"hey, we need to talk"

(oh, really?) "alright"

"What have you been doing?"

I poked my other pocket to make sure I still had the second phone there.

"What do you mean?"

"Today, how's work?"

"Oh... lovely"

"you seem distant baby"

(I'm preety much distant yes, I must be on Mercury judging by the temperature. Maybe this is Hell. You see, darling, I've been a bad bad boy. I don't love you, I love another. I won't tell you because I left my balls on Earth and now I want to hung up and carry on finishing my shitty lunch and doing my shitty job. Goodbye, au revoir) "Why are you always saying that?"

"Because you are always distant"

"I'm just tired"

"You always say that"

"You always ask why I'm distant"

"Okay. Baby, listen, Im sorry that I talked to you like that yesterday. It's just that... before, you were not like this"

She had apologized, alright, but I was still her coward and we both knew that. I wanted to tell her a lot of things but I didn't.

"Its fine"

"okat baby, have a nice day" and this was what she meant by the need to talk bullshit.

(I hope you die) "you too"

"I love you"

"I love you too darling"

Lies.Lies.Lies.

#story #write #essay #short #long #fiction #fic #love #sin #words #lies #text #god #bad #good #you #me

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