They’re still in me they’re still in me they’re still in me they’re still in me they’re

I’ve always stayed in battle mode longer. It’s a problem for most people, especially most other caravan guards. Makes them more like to destroy their own goods or something; they say they go crazy. I’ve always gotten calmer, more focused. It’s always made things clearer for me: I can see better, hear more, react faster. I’m just better. And I love it.

Still in me still in me still in me still

Today, though? Right now it sucks. Today all it allows me is a better look at the bodies. My people torn to shreds, sinking into each other under my feet. My people turning to goo and ash and whatever fucking combo that makes down in the pit, the whirring of the smoking blades competing, now, only with the buzzing of flies. My people destroyed, their guts and organs and blood soaking into my boots, turned into fucking burning rainbow sand under Cog’s spell. At the hands of this fucking bitchass cunt of a god who thought they could touch my people.

Still in me still in mestillinmestillinmestillin

And they were right. Cause I wasn’t here. Cause I kept the cup cause I wanted insurance. Cause I was stuck in my head dealing with Hastur cause I hurt I’den cause I fucking tried to do the right thing by telling her I was being the biggest cunt in the world. My people. Destroyed cause of me.

STILL IN ME

They tried to tell me. All of them, my friends, my dads, Gru’umsh. Valentine. Fuck, even Asmo got some jabs in there, telling me I’ll never be more than this. This. Killing. Fighting. Destroying. And I can’t even do that shit right. A chuckle sounds in the air, too loud; too genuine. Fuck. I gotta get everyone out of here. They’re all waiting around covering their mouths, stunted by the smell of death. Even Cog tied herself up with a bandana. And I just strolled on in; walked in without a care in the world like this shit is my favorite cologne. What the hell is wrong with me. The whole fight, I felt nothing. Nothing. Just annoyance. This bitch came to my town and put their hands on my people? Asshole. And then they died and I felt. Sad? No. I felt disappointed. I wanted more from them. It was like they, the fucking god of destruction weren’t enough. They weren’t enough.

Still in

I turn. My boots squeak with thick wetness and it’s horrible so I listen. Bones crack and organs pop under my feet as I walk back to my friends and I would stumble if I’d allow it. If I had the time or the space. My people died because I decided I had time to fuck around. Because I forgot what I’m for. Cog killed Gru’umsh and she should be rightly proud of that but she doesn’t know. She can’t know. Gru’umsh leaned in and told me themself, practically whispered it into my ear as they drank my blood.

Still

I wrap myself in the secret’s mantle, coming to terms with it as quickly as I have to. Immediately. Gesturing Jack and Kana to my sides, sending them out in search of gasoline and matches as I turn to congratulate my friends. My family. My people. I will protect them, this time. I will do whatever it takes. I will not fail my people again. How could I, when they’re still in me? When we’re still..

Still just me?