#feeling a bit like a pet left in an empty flat. i think szymborska had a poem about it (as she often does) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leatherbookmark · 1 year

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feeling kinda silly about it but i wrote a “letter” to my dad in my diary and it kind of helped. in that for the time being i don’t feel like i’m going to burst out crying in 3 2 1. but that’s honestly it tbh

#feeling a bit like a pet left in an empty flat. i think szymborska had a poem about it (as she often does)#its like. on one hand my brain still can't comprehend this. sure it's horrible right now but he'll be back and it'll be back to normal #and on the other i'm Truly like a dog in that i'm looking for things that will stay a reminder of him. like articles of clothing that #smell like him or things he often used (already took a wristwatch too large for my matchstick wrists to my room).#kinda want to just make a pile of Father-Smelling Things and curl in it and sleep until he's back. (in the free time between fits of crying)#i sound so calm and composed right now because i guess the letter really helped but also i'm very much unable to imagine how does one #like. go on. how am i supposed to live like a normal person right now? find a job? i can't. i'm just going to wait until a lottery magically #wins itself and transfers insane amounts of money to us. because i'm going to lie there and just. cry. yeah #i want my dad. i miss him so much. sorry if this is weird to analyze one's feelings in the open like this. but fuck i really do #shrimp thoughts

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