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malkumtend · 4 years

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I Like Your Laugh. (A CrowSquirrel AU Fanfic) - Chapter 5.

“Ow! Are you almost done?”

“Oh hush.” Feathertail said, hiding her smile as she rubbed the last of the marigold petals into Crowpaw’s thorn wound. “Stop fussing, I just want to see if it’s gonna set.”

Squirrelpaw laid beside the two cats observing the scene with a smirk. Crowpaw had been complaining about how much it stung the whole time, whining to the point that Feathertail had to use a paw to hold Crowpaw to the ground as she finished applying the petals to his side. “For a cat on the verge of becoming a warrior, you sure do mewl like a newborn kit.”

Crowpaw glared at her, he lay on the ground on his belly while Feathertail practically held him down. “It hurts.” He hissed through clenched fangs. “You could see it, couldn’t you?”

Squirrelpaw shrugged, “I’ve seen worse.”

Crowpaw rose to retort, only for a pulse of agony to bring him back to the ground, wincing.

Feathertail swatted him gently on his backside with her tail. “I told you, keep still! You’ll just make it worse!” She gave a stern frown to Squirrelpaw, “Please don’t provoke him, Squirrelpaw. The marigolds won’t do any good if he keeps moving.”

The Thunderclan apprentice sagged a little guiltily; Feathertail had a way of making anyone feel awful when she was the one angry at them. “Sorry, Feathertail.”

The Riverclan cat nodded gently. “What about me?” Crowpaw yowled.

Squirrelpaw’s eyes narrowed, “You should stop moving.”

“That’s true.” Feathertail said, as she finished applying the medicine to the wound. Crowpaw gave another tight exhale of pain but it was soon replaced by a satisfied sigh as a warm, soothing feeling tingled over his fur. “That should do it. Now just try not to move so much and it should be better by morning.” Feathertail said tenderly, taking her paw off of the smaller cat.

Crowpaw looked at the wound, he was almost impressed when he saw how efficiently Feathertail had covered the wound. Whoever this Mothwing was, she had given Feathertail some good advice.

“How does it feel?” Feathertail asked, her eyes still glinting with worry.

Crowpaw looked up, an unfamiliar warmness shining in his eyes. “Better than before.”

Feathertail smiled, but a chirp of laughter cut in the air. Both cats looked towards Squirrelpaw, who grinned at the pair of them, mostly Crowpaw, with an accomplished gleam. “So he does have a sense of humour! I never thought I’d see the day!”

Crowpaw groaned, unknowingly flushing, while Feathertail chuckled along with Squirrelpaw. The group had decided to spend the night near a ruined pile of stone that was once a wall. The cats had already eaten from prey that Stormfur, Brambleclaw and Tawnypelt had caught together, leaving the other three alone as they had caught for the group previously, plus Feathertail had needed to apply the medicine to Crowpaw. Now, the sky was dark, only lit by the glittering blink of the stars and the pale stroke of the moon.

Squirrelpaw had assisted the Riverclan warrior, chewing up the dock leaves that Feathertail later applied to Crowpaw’s wound. It was kind of fun, almost worth the idea of becoming a medicine cat. Almost. Squirrelpaw loved Leafpaw with all her heart, but she could never have the patience that her sister had, memorising every single remedy for every wound possible. That was too much pressure for Squirrelpaw. Besides, becoming a warrior felt more fulfilling to the ginger cat.

“Squirrelpaw.” Feathertail scolded after looking at the narrowed eyes of Crowpaw.

“I know. I know.” Squirrelpaw said, looking to the side. “No teasing. Sorry, Crowpaw.” She said half-heartedly. The cat still needed to learn how to take a joke properly.

Crowpaw looked to the side, feeling more annoyed than angry. “Don’t mention it.” He said hotly.

Squirrelpaw sighed, it was frustrating how quickly Crowpaw could change to his typical moody self. Earlier, it had looked like he would actually be pleasant for once, the cat had thanked her for her help with the kittypets after all. That had seriously caught her off guard! The last thing she ever expected to come out of the cat was gratitude. He always looked too proud to think about thanking another cat.

Guess looks really could be deceiving…

Temporarily at least.

But when he had, Squirrelpaw couldn’t help but feel strangely happy. She would have helped him regardless, he was part of their journey after all, but he of all cats had protested her when she joined them in the beginning.

Him thanking her, it was like he’d accepted her as part of the group.

She had won over the hardest cat to please.

It felt good.

But here he was, back to his normal moody self. It was so annoying! She was trying her hardest to get on with him, but he still returned to his bitter words every time.

But still, if he was going to insist on being difficult, she would bite back with a little light teasing.

Even if she wanted to be his friend, she wouldn’t take any cat’s stupidity.

Crowpaw thankfully seemed to settle, curling into himself slightly as he tried to get comfortable. He wouldn’t be able to move properly until morning. He sighed contently once he was relaxed, his face nestled between his two front legs while his back slackened letting the wound lie still and heal. The rigid lines along his brow uncurled, allowing a consoling silence to overtake him and calm the two cats watching him.

“Feel better.” Squirrelpaw sang with a frisky grin.

Crowpaw was too relieved to argue and only let out another relaxed sigh.

Feathertail giggled, “Mothwing will be happy to know she taught a cat well.” The warrior looked over to Squirrelpaw, “Thanks for your help, Squirrelpaw.”

The Thunderclan apprentice’s whiskers rose happily, “Not at all! We’d all be suffering if he was crying the whole journey!” She couldn’t help but add on cheekily. She let out a hushed laugh when Crowpaw opened his eyes to glare at her. He didn’t say anything though, so Feathertail let her laugh.

“Hey Feathertail.” The Riverclan warrior looked to find Stormfur walking over. The tom smiled at the three then looked down at Crowpaw with mixture of concern and amusement.

“How is he?”

“Just fine.” Crowpaw answered with an ominous stare at the tom that made the two mollies raise a brow.

Stormfur chuckled slyly at something that Squirrelpaw didn’t understand. “That’s good.” Stormfur stepped closer to examine his sister’s work, ignoring when Crowpaw stiffened and rose his ears in a silent threat. Luckily, Stormfur kept back enough to prevent the cat from turning on him. “You two did a fantastic job! It’s almost as good as a trained medicine cat!” He meowed.

Feathertail smiled, nodding politely at her brother.

“Your sister really is amazing!” Squirrelpaw chirped, missing when Stormfur seemed to flinch at her voice, he turned to the cat with a thin, sheepish smile. The confidence seemed to drain from his usually strong gaze.

“Oh, yes she is.” He said, a little more nervous than usual; Crowpaw noticed.

“I couldn’t have done it so quickly if it wasn’t for you, Squirrelpaw.” Feathertail pressed gently, “The wound may have very well become infected if it wasn’t for you.”

Squirrelpaw shrugged humbly, but Stormfur jumped in again. “That’s right! Not to mention how we would have gotten in a terrible fight if you and Tawnypelt hadn’t helped with those kittypets! You’re amazing as well!” He broke out the words so quickly that Squirrelpaw couldn’t catch the change in his tone.

Crowpaw and Feathertail heard it though. They heard his desperation to compliment her. Feathertail shook her head with a smile, while Crowpaw rolled his eyes.

“Thank you!” Squirrelpaw mewled at the grey tom, flashing an innocent beam. It was always nice when the others complimented her, she felt more welcome into the group. Stormfur laughed anxiously, exhaling in quick tittering breaths. He looked to be fighting to saying something else to her, his mouth opening quickly then shutting instantly the sharp sound of breath left his throat. He coughed, nodding again towards the apprentice before looking at his sister.

“F-Feathertail.” Stormfur tried to sound smooth, but the bitter embarrassment was evident in his tone. “It’s getting late, we should probably get some sleep.”

The Riverclan molly chuckled, “I know. Don’t worry, I’m on my way.”

They were completely dependent on each other. Squirrelpaw had never seen two cats as close as Feathertail and Stormfur before, it was like they were tied at the tail, afraid that they may sink through the ground if they became separated for too long. That shouldn’t have surprising though, after everything that had happened with Greystripe and Tigerstar, from what she had heard, it must have terrified them to think that they would grow apart.

It was actually really sweet. Any cat would be lucky if they found someone they could trust as much as the two siblings trusted each other.

Feathertail gave Crowpaw another concerned glance. “Are you sure there isn’t anything else you need?”

Crowpaw loosened with a gentle nod. “I’m sure. Thank you.”

It was still remarkable to Squirrelpaw that he could utter those words.

“He’ll be fine!” Squirrelpaw exclaimed walking towards the apprentice and whipping him gently with her tail again. “I’ll look after him!” She gave Crowpaw a sickly-sweet grin in response to his growling.

“See. You’ve done enough, he’ll be okay.” Stormfur said, beckoning his sister to go with him.

Feathertail thought about it a moment more before making her way to her brother, she still faced the two apprentices. “Goodnight, you two. Try not to start arguing, please!” She meowed tenderly.

Squirrelpaw laughed, “Don’t worry, we won’t!”

Feathertail smiled and turned to walk away from the pair. Stormfur gave both of them a firm nod, albeit more stiffly at Squirrelpaw, his whiskers curling as he did so, before he followed his sister, tail tucked slightly between his legs.

Squirrelpaw craned her head to the side. That was…unusual. “What’s biting him?”

There was a stiff silence, Crowpaw stared at her bluntly. “And you say I’m obvious.” He muttered.

Squirrelpaw flicked her ear in confusion, “Hmm?”

Crowpaw laid his head back onto his paws. “Nevermind.” He monotoned. “Thanks for the help, you can go now if you want.” His fur smoothed and his eyes closed, prepared to sleep.

He sounded much less genuine this time, he looked ready to be rid of her. Squirrelpaw frowned, she placed a heavy paw on Crowpaw’s forehead making him splutter under the press of her leg. “What if I don’t want to go?” Squirrelpaw said pointedly. It wasn’t up to him to decide.

Crowpaw batted her paw off his face, he sucked in air through grit teeth. “You and Feathertail already covered the wound, I can heal perfectly on my own. Get some rest!” It may have been good advice if he hadn’t sounded so bitter when he said it.

“No.” Squirrelpaw sat down next to him and began to clean her face. “Some cat has got to make sure you don’t open up the wound again.” She didn’t really think he would do that; she just didn’t want to go on his orders. Besides, she was starting to enjoy talking to him, he was fun to pester with a little.

Crowpaw groaned, “I’m not some kit, I don’t need you watching over me.”

“Maybe not. But I’m going to, because Feathertail was clearly worried about you and I want to make sure she isn’t worrying about you.”

“There’s nothing to worry about.” Crowpaw meowed signalling his wound with his tail, “She covered it perfectly, it’s not going to open again, and I’m certainly not going to move.”

“Well then, you shouldn’t worry about me having to make sure you don’t. Just keep still and we’ll be fine.” Squirrelpaw said curtly, rubbing her ears with her washed paws.

The tom groaned again but didn’t argue further. There was no point. Squirrelpaw was as stubborn as they came, he was just wasting breath.

The Thunderclan apprentice noticed him relax again and smiled triumphantly. She looked over to Feathertail to see if she was still checking over them. The warrior was peacefully settling next to her brother, curled up and ready to sleep. Squirrelpaw could see them draw closer to each other, their coats comforting the other as they shared a tranquil silence.

“They sure are close, aren’t they?” Squirrelpaw found herself saying, her tail swayed gently from side to side.

Crowpaw followed her stare and sniffed. “They’re siblings.”

Squirrelpaw’s eyes narrowed boredly, “I know that, mouse-brain.” She crossed her forepaws, leaning forward to rest her chin. “But you know what I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen those two really apart since the three of us went hunting.”

“Jealous?” Even though he didn’t show it, Squirrelpaw heard the smirk in his voice.

“Jealous? Of what?” Squirrelpaw hissed, her ears flattening crossly.

“Think Stormfur’s going to take your best friend from you?” Crowpaw dared to look up at her. “That Feathertail’s not going to pay attention to your games anymore?”

Squirrelpaw clenched with anger, the fury she had for this cat was coming up again with a vengeance. Once again, he was speaking like she was something to look down on. “Of course not!”

“Good, because that’s being stupid.” Crowpaw closed his eyes again. “She already thinks good of you, she’s spent more time with us on the journey after all than him.”

Wah?

The anger in Squirrelpaw softened until it only gave way to confusion. What was he doing? He spoke so condescending one second and then the next it actually sounded like he was trying to be…nice? Even now when he had his eyes closed, initially it looked dismissive, but after seeing that look so many times before Squirrelpaw noticed he looked different this time. There was no animosity in his brow at all. He just looked peaceful.

It actually seemed like his words were meant to encourage her.

Squirrelpaw’s teeth clenched in frustration. Why is he so darn weird?!

She let out her frustration in a tight breath, “I wasn’t jealous. I’m happy that they spend time together, they deserve it after everything that happened with Tigerstar.”

Crowpaw made a murmur of agreement but kept his eyes closed.

Squirrelpaw looked at the siblings again, a wave of sympathy coming over her for the pair. “Can you imagine what it was like? I don’t know how I’d be able to cope if someone tried to separate me from my sister.” She looked over at Crowpaw curiously, “Do you have any siblings?”

“Yes. Two.” Crowpaw said curtly.

Squirrelpaw could already judge from his brief tone that he didn’t get along with them so well. Clearly not anywhere close to the extent of Feathertail and Stormfur. “I only have one. Leafpaw. She’s training to be a medicine cat.”

“I see. Could she not make it as a warrior?” Crowpaw needed to be careful how he phrased his questions or else somecat was going to claw his ears off one day. Mercifully, Squirrelpaw could see the stupid tom meant it as a legitimate question.

“She’s never wanted to be a warrior; it’s always been her dream to be a medicine cat.” Squirrelpaw snorted, a flood of colourful memories painting her mind. “It’s not that she isn’t capable, believe me she could fight if she wanted, but she just wants to help her clan. Healing and treating cats, it’s something that makes her happy.”

Squirrelpaw couldn’t count how many times her sister had been the one who had treated her small wounds, every day chattering about the new herbs and remedies she had learnt to administer. She always looked so happy every time; it was always the most energetic time that Squirrelpaw ever saw her sister. It always made Squirrelpaw smile. Her sister deserved to do what she loved, no cat had worked as hard and was as passionate about their duties than Leafpaw.

Crowpaw’s lips curled into what may have looked like his attempt of a smile. It didn’t look right. “A medicine cat version of you?” He scoffed, “That I would have to see to believe. If you were our medicine cat’s apprentice your pelt would be hanging over a branch by now.”

“Oh, ha ha.” Squirrelpaw grumbled. She didn’t feel too angry by what he said, she definitely didn’t have the spirit of a medicine cat. She was only irked by the way it sounded like Crowpaw was dismissing her sister. Or maybe…

A sting throbbed in her heart.

“For your information, Leafpaw is the most attentive cats I know! She’d complete all her duties before sunhigh and then ask for more just so she could learn extra!” She had to push past it. She couldn’t let it get to her.

“Really?” Crowpaw’s voice dripped with rhetoric. “Is she a chatter-mouth like you then? That won’t suit sick cats who want to get some sleep well.” Whatever underlying meaning he had clearly wanted to spell out was ignored by Squirrelpaw, making the tom groan and place his paws over his eyes.

“No actually!” Squirrelpaw exclaimed, “She’s too busy healing idiot cats like you to strike up a conversation. But if she was the one who treated your wound, I promise you’d be walking again by now.”

Crowpaw’s lips came back with a sneer, “Oh, really now?”

Squirrelpaw held him in her stare, her chest fur puffing out indignantly. “Yes! So be careful what you say.”

Crowpaw opened one eye, it glimmered judgingly at the she-cat. “Well, at least it doesn’t sound like she’s like you. That’s a relief.” Crowpaw shut his eye again, waiting for her to strike back with another hiss. Unknowingly, he was beginning to enjoy this little game of sass. It took his mind off of his wound at least.

But there was only a harsh silence. Crowpaw flicked an ear impatiently, normally she was quicker on the tongue than this. He felt compelled to open his eye again and found Squirrelpaw looking away from him. “What’s up with-”

Crowpaw took a good look at Squirrelpaw’s expression and his voice trailed off. Her brilliant green eyes looked shadowed, like a storm had stopped to drench her and her alone. There were creases on the bridge of her nose, ugly and upset, and her lips were thin and stiff with discomfort.

Hurt.

Crowpaw blinked, had he said something wrong? He hadn’t meant to, this time at least. “Um…. are you okay?” He’s astounded that he even asks.

Since when has he cared.

Maybe that was what happened when a cat jumped in to save you from a clawing.

Squirrelpaw kept staring at the ground, something burned in her irises. “…No.” Squirrelpaw pronounced in an unfamiliar monotone. “She’s not like me.”

Crowpaw’s ears burst up, his head rose to meet her eye level. There was a twist of uneasiness in his gut that he tried to swallow down. He felt stupid when an irritated spark prickled the fur at the back of his neck.

He was an amateur when it came to emotions.

Sure, he could hide his own whenever he pleased, having built an invisible wall between himself and others for practically all his life.

But what made other cats quiver or cry, he knew nothing about identifying that.

“Yeah, she’s completely different from me.” Squirrelpaw let out a laugh that sounded as if she had been hollowed out with the bluntest claws. “Patient, hardworking, not difficult in the slightest!” Crowpaw noticed how rehearsed she was when she listed these qualities. Like it was something she had heard many times before. “My complete opposite!” She sniffed tightly, and when she spoke again it was high and vulnerable. “That’s what you mean is it?”

It was. But Crowpaw hadn’t thought it would bother her. It wasn’t like he even knew her sister. Squirrelpaw didn’t look like a cat who had cried once in her life.

“Well…I mean, I guess, but-”

“Oh, of course that’s what you think!” Squirrelpaw chuckled darkly, turning away with a bitter ruffle of her pelt. Her eyes burned. “You wouldn’t be the first after all.”

And there it was. The flash of their past conversation hit Crowpaw like a boulder. He remembered Squirrelpaw’s rant, how angry she had been, how she’d told him that Firestar expected so much of her. At the time all Crowpaw could think was how lucky she was to have a parent who stuck around enough to have an actual discussion with their kit.

Maybe he really could be mouse brained.

He hadn’t bothered to actually what it was cats like her father had said to her.

And by the way she made it out, there were a lot of cats who thought the same as Firestar did. The image of Brambleclaw’s back, rejecting Squirrelpaw’s company, suddenly seemed so much colder.

Crowpaw’s ears sank down against his skull, “Squirrelpaw…Look, I didn’t…”

His throat went dry. He had meant it.

Something crawled over him like a nest of cold, numbing spiders.

Was this guilt?

The Thunderclan apprentice glanced blankly at him. “Okay, okay. I get the hint.” She rose up proudly, not even looking at the tom anymore. “I’ll make myself scarce. I don’t need this. Hope you feel better tomorrow.” She said, polite but poisonous. Her tail rose as if to hold up whatever dignity she had left and began to walk away.

It was what Crowpaw had wanted initially.

Now the sight of her back caused his stone expression to crack.

A pit of dread unfolded inside Crowpaw. The step of her paw sent a panic through him. He didn’t understand but he felt that he was losing something. Was this all because she had saved him earlier? Did he feel he was indebted to her in some way?

No. Those were just excuses. He knew that.

And he knew that he really just didn’t want one of the few cats he felt he could trust. One of the few that, though he would never tell, he actually enjoyed talking to. He didn’t want to lose that when he knew it would be entirely his own fault.

Even if he was poor at returning the favour.

“Wait!” Crowpaw meowed, he cringed when he felt his side ache again.

“Are you mouse-brained?” Squirrelpaw gasped, her voice was at his side again. “Get back down!”

Crowpaw’s ear flicked oddly, he looked down and was surprised to find he was standing. Eyes widening, he dropped back down in painful relief. He felt Squirrelpaw at his side, looking over the wound.

“By Starclan, what part of keep still do you not understand?” Squirrelpaw hissed, filled by a different kind of anger. She cursed through her teeth as she looked over the wound again. It was quiet for a while, until Squirrelpaw drew back with a relieved puff of air. The wound was still healing nicely.

“I’m sorry.”

The words came so quick that Squirrelpaw almost missed it.

Nobody said anything for a moment. Squirrelpaw didn’t react strongly while Crowpaw blushed heavily under his fur. There were some words he’d never thought he’d have to say.

“Say that again.” Squirrelpaw said, she might have been teasing but her voice was solid and cold.

Crowpaw hid a frustrated groan. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you really? For what exactly?” Squirrelpaw looked back down at the tom, her gaze was unreadable, almost as icy as Crowpaw tried to look. “Because there’s a lot you should be sorry for.”

“You know what.” Crowpaw muttered, his ears were flat and submissive. He needed to show he meant it. “I was just joking; I didn’t mean to make you angry.” The latter was true at least.

Squirrelpaw smirked thinly, “You know what a joke is?”

“Oh, come on. I’m really trying here.”

The Thunderclan apprentice laughed slightly, making Crowpaw relax a little. For a few heartbeats, Squirrelpaw looked at the ground aimlessly, thinking hard, then rose up to meet his gaze. “Didn’t think you knew what an apology was either.”

The banter was back. She had forgiven him. Crowpaw allowed himself to smile a little. “Guess I learnt that from you as well.”

“Well, someone had to teach you some manners.” Squirrelpaw’s eyes lit up with that all too familiar fire. She sat back down next to the tom, sighing into the cold night air, making little whisps of steam. “I just wish I could teach you how to keep still.”

“Don’t get your fluffy tail in a twist over my safety, Squirrelbrain.”

“I thought you were apologising for being a mouse-brian.”

“I did.” He didn’t try to hide it this time when his voice went low. “Look, I didn’t think it got to you that much. You just seem like the type of cat that would laugh that kind of thing off.”

Squirrelpaw laughed in disbelief. “Are you serious? It’s my father, the leader of my clan! If he thinks like that about me just how do you think the rest of the clan feel.”

When she put it like that it sounded so stupidly obvious. “I wouldn’t have thought you cared.”

“That’s because you don’t think.” The way she said it didn’t sound like she was joking, but it also didn’t sound like she was being serious. A curious mix. “Sorry if it shocks you that cats other than yourself can have things they don’t want every clan knowing.”

“Then why are you telling me this?”

Squirrelpaw paused for a second, then shrugged. “Guess I don’t really care what you think about it.”

He recognised the lie. It was something he told himself as well when he told her about his father the first time.

They were both too stubborn to admit they trusted each other.

Crowpaw nodded, “So, it’s different with your sister?”

“Are you joking? Everyone loves her. Don’t get me wrong, she deserves it!” She took a moment to breathe. “There is no cat in Thunderclan you’d want more than Leafpaw. She really will make a fantastic medicine cat for us.” She smiled as she said it, but her gaze was flat. “I’m happy that cats realise that; I just…”

Squirrelpaw looked down again at nothing. Crowpaw swallowed, he recognised that as well; Pride for someone you wanted to defend because you know, to your clan, they were the definition of perfect and rightly so, but that empty stupid angst when you’re the only one who thinks about another side to the story. It always finds a way to creep in.

It wasn’t fair that she found a way to make Crowpaw feel so sorry for her.

“I get it.” Crowpaw was there when Squirrelpaw looked into his eyes. “It’s a pain.”

“Yeah.” Squirrelpaw whispers, “It is. I’ll always be happy for her; I just wish that my clan would…” She trailed off again so Crowpaw snuck it in.

“Not compare you two?”

“Well yeah, but other things as well.”

Crowpaw wanted to follow on, but he felt another shadow lurk over him, making him look behind himself. Immediately he was greeted by a thick wall of brown fur and muscle. Crowpaw couldn’t help but frown at the sight of Brambleclaw’s judging grin.

“Heh, she really did do a brilliant job on that wound.” Brambleclaw said brazenly. “Do you feel okay?”

“Fine.” Crowpaw said, looking away to lick his paws. After how stupidly Brambleclaw had scolded Squirrelpaw after she had saved him and Stormfur, Crowpaw couldn’t find one shred of reason to still give the cat the time of day.

Brambleclaw must have sensed Crowpaw’s coldness, because his smile thinned, and his brow creased. “Okay, good.” He said icily. “I just wanted to see if we’d have any problems tomorrow, we’ve still got a long way to go.”

Crowpaw growled at that phrasing, and Squirrelpaw’s jaw hung a little. It wasn’t Crowpaw’s fault he’d gotten injured. Brambleclaw didn’t have to make it out like Crowpaw was any kind of issue for them.

“He isn’t-”

“Anyway.” Brambleclaw didn’t look like he was going to apologise for cutting her off. Adding to the list of things he needed to be sorry for. “It’s good to see it’s healing. So, I’m going to get some rest. You coming.” He said, looking at Squirrelpaw. It was clearly not meant to be a question.

Squirrelpaw unwillingly shrank from the authority in his tone. She coughed quickly and met his gaze, trying not to flinch. “I think it would be best if I kept an eye on him, just in case.” Squirrelpaw internally sighed in relief when Crowpaw didn’t object.

Brambleclaw cocked a brow, but his eyes also narrowed a little. “What? It looks fine. It’s not going to open up again in his sleep.”

“It definitely won’t if I’m here.” Squirrelpaw pressed, her tail curling around her body. Crowpaw looked at the molly anxiously, Crowpaw looked at the molly anxiously, she didn’t need to be by him really, but she still insisted on keeping near the tom.

“Oh, come on.” Brambleclaw scoffed, his words drawling over the tips of his fangs. “You don’t need to act like a medicine cat to him. Feathertail has looked after him enough, let’s leave him to rest.”

Squirrelpaw’s stare sank into a glare. Crowpaw felt a prick of irritation as well. It wasn’t just Feathertail alone that had seen to him. Was Brambleclaw so stupid that he didn’t notice that?

Crowpaw felt something twist in his mind. Or…was Brambleclaw saying this deliberately?

“You can rest. I’ll make sure he does.” Squirrelpaw looked away proudly, making Brambleclaw’s chest heave and his eye twitch.

“I’m pretty sure he’ll rest easier without another cat.” Brambleclaw coaxed, before muttering under his breath. “Especially a loud mouthed one.”

Both apprentices caught the last sentence, whether it was Brambleclaw’s intention or not. Squirrelpaw’s pelt prickled with rage and Crowpaw looked on shocked and angry at the warrior. What was wrong with this cat? Was this how he treated all his clanmates?

“What was that?!” Squirrelpaw demanded.

“Keep your voice down.” Brambleclaw ordered, his stare now burning. “Look, we’re all tired, so stop being difficult!”

Squirrelpaw flinched slightly. “I’m not being difficult. I’m only-”

Brambleclaw silenced her with another hiss. “If you say that you’re doing this for Feathertail, don’t bother! She clearly thinks he’ll be fine. You don’t need to pester him!”

Crowpaw’s eyes flashed furiously. What gave Brambleclaw the right to decide what bothered Crowpaw or not? Sure, Squirrelpaw was snappy and silver tongued, but it didn’t bother Crowpaw anymore. Crowpaw might have felt a hint of blame if he hadn’t seen Squirrelpaw shrink more under Brambleclaw’s words. It looked like every drop of confidence had been squeezed out of her. Did she really think she was doing harm just because Brambleclaw said so?

Or maybe…was this what Squirrelpaw had to deal with regularly? Cats who had scolded her so much she had started to, no matter how slightly, believe what they were saying.

Squirrelpaw swallowed, daring to look back at her clanmate. “I’m not pestering him. We’re just talking. Would you prefer it if we were fighting?” She snapped.

Brambleclaw’s lip curled, revealing a sharp fang. “I’d prefer that you stop fighting with him and me!” Brambleclaw yowled. “You’ve been avoiding me all day! How can we work as a team when I don’t even speak with my own clanmate?!”

‘You were the one avoiding her!’ Crowpaw’s mind screamed, ‘You’ve been the once who’s criticised her at every turn!’ He expected Squirrelpaw to echo his thoughts, but she returned to looking at the ground, sucking her lips close to her teeth.

Was it that word? Clan. The thing that had kept Crowpaw sealed away from her and Feathertail for so long. The word thing Squirrelpaw was desperate to please but exiled emotionally by those she called her friends. Crowpaw’s claws unsheathed as he saw Squirrelpaw sniff and Brambleclaw relax in his make-believe victory.

“Anyway, come on. Let’s just leave Crowpaw be.” Brambleclaw moved to the side, inviting her to walk by him. “I’m sure he’d appreciate being left in piece.”

“She can stay if she wants to.”

Both of them looked to him in surprise, like it wasn’t a conversation he was part of. Squirrelpaw’s eyes drifted over the apprentice, baffled at what it seemed he was doing. Brambleclaw’s jaw widened momentarily, then his eyes burned.

“But she doesn’t need to. You look fine.”

“I never said I wasn’t fine.” Crowpaw spat, staring up at the tall mass of muscle before him. He knew inwardly that Brambleclaw could tear his fur off with one claw if he wanted to, but he wouldn’t dare do it if it meant disbanding the group. His clan wouldn’t like that! “I said that if she wanted to stay and make sure I was okay, she could.”

“She isn’t a medicine cat apprentice.”

“And Feathertail isn’t a medicine cat, they still healed the wound well enough. What has that got to do with anything?”

Brambleclaw’s tone sharpened, “I don’t want her worrying about you the whole night! We all need our strength!”

“She doesn’t need to worry. I’ll be okay, but she can stay and…” Crowpaw groaned, “Look after me, if she wants.”

“What for though?” Brambleclaw demanded.

Crowpaw shrugged, “Because she can. Just like you can leave me in peace if you’re so worried about that.” Crowpaw had to stifle back a laugh when Brambleclaw drew back in astonishment. Squirrelpaw looked ready to drop down like Crowpaw, her face a picture of complete awe, but her eyes glittered with a rare appreciation.

“I’d be happy to.” Brambleclaw growled behind his jaws, “I just want her to come with me.”

“That isn’t your decision.” Crowpaw’s neck stiffened, his stare never breaking.

“You just said you wanted peace.”

“From you.” There was a glowing challenge in the blue shimmer of Crowpaw’s eyes. “I want you gone. I don’t mind if she stays.” Even without looking, Crowpaw could see Squirrelpaw soften in genuine gratitude. His tail thumped against the ground; he would make sure Brambleclaw know that he wouldn’t win this discussion without a fight.

The Thunderclan warrior accepted the challenge, a dark menace slithering over his expression. He licked his dry lips, before replying in a dry voice. “I don’t like how much time she seems to be spending with you.” Brambleclaw’s face sunk in, his mouth becoming thin as his eyes slid between the two cats uneasily. “She’s my clanmate. I worry about her.” Brambleclaw stated dispassionately, no sense of friendship in the bluntness of his tone.

There it was. That was what it was all about.

Crowpaw thought about that a second. He had thought the same for a while, how the difference of their clans was the end all of any rapport they could have. In a way Crowpaw could understand why Brambleclaw thought the way he did. He wanted his clanmates trust, he didn’t know if he could trust another cat like Crowpaw.

Crowpaw didn’t need to agree though. He had been wrong; he could admit that. He didn’t care if Brambleclaw eventually did.

“I don’t care about what you like or don’t like, Brambleclaw.” Crowpaw said stiffly. “But you don’t need to worry about her, we all saw that she could fend for herself. Besides, it’s not like I could do her any harm, even if I wanted to, like this.”

“I’m not arguing about that, Crowpaw, but I still don’t like your attitude.” Brambleclaw spat, “With all due respect,” The drawl made it clear how much respect he had for the apprentice, “I’m her clanmate, I think I’d know better about what’s best for her than you.”

‘My attitude! I’m not the one upsetting my clanmate!’ A snarl grew in Crowpaw’s throat and caused his fangs to gleam, his blood seemed to flow with venom, vicious and ready for the kill. The fur on the back of his neck spiked and he tensed, ready to spring. Whether he won or not, he just wanted to break every bone in this bee-brain’s body.

Then, his eye caught Squirrelpaw in the corner, shaking at the growing tension, the unsure look of who to support, and he paused.

How would it help her if he tried to tear the fur from her clanmate?

He looked down at his curved fangs, and sighed. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, the brown warrior was wrong about one thing, he did need to change his attitude slightly. He was too quick to the fight, too ready with claws instead of judgement.

He may look like a coward if he did it, but maybe it was better to leave it be for now. It would do no good for anyone if he started a fight with this idiot. He needed to keep calm, for now. He needed to prove that he could change his attitude for the better. He needed to prove those who thought he was an untrustworthy, violent troublemaker wrong.

Crowpaw sheathed his claws, thought for a moment, inhaled, exhaled. When he opened his eyes again, he almost looked friendly.

Crowpaw flicked his tail pridefully, “Maybe, but she knows better than you.”

Brambleclaw tensed, staring down the cat who refused to back down. Seeming to realise Crowpaw would not give up, he gave Squirrelpaw another poisonous glare. “Are you coming?”

The ginger molly stared at her clanmates burning gaze and tried to hide how much she wanted to cry. When he looked at her like that, it reminded her of so many cats. So many voices who had told her how much of a nuisance she was. Involuntarily she looked away, straight into Crowpaw’s eyes. The black tom looked at her gently, and softly nodded at her.

No malice, no contempt, just welcoming.

The blue pools in his eyes became almost alluring, tranquil. But most importantly, he left it to her, no sense of judgement in what she decided to do. It was up to her, nobody else.

Squirrelpaw stared a moment longer, then smiled. Looking back to Brambleclaw, she inhaled and made herself look as calm as possible. She stared right into the blazing fire in Brambleclaw’s leer and blew the fire into smoke.

“Sorry Brambleclaw, I’m staying here tonight.” Squirrelpaw said. No explanation was given as none was deserved. It was her choice, no one else’s.

There was a moment of tense silence. Brambleclaw glared between the two cats, looked ready to say something else, then remembered whatever sense he had and kept quiet. His tail swung in agitation, “Fine.” He turned away from the two, his movements stiff and rigid with anger, “Be that way. Good night.”

“Goodnight.” Squirrelpaw called after him as he slunk away to the other end of the wall. Once he was gone, Squirrelpaw let out a hidden sigh of relief, sinking to the floor next to Crowpaw in exaggerated exhaustion. “Oh Starclan, that was hard.”

Crowpaw snickered but hid it well. “I thought you liked a challenge.” The ginger molly darted him with a playful scowl.

“Shut up. At least I didn’t get a mouthful of dirt.” She teased. Within an instant, she was back to her old self. Crowpaw felt a sympathetic rush in his chest; just how much had she heard from her clan to make her feel like that when they scolded her?

Crowpaw didn’t say anything else, retuning his head to his paws peacefully. Now that she was okay, he could let himself get a little rest.

“But,” Squirrelpaw’s voice was hushed and cautious, “Thank you, for that.”

When he opened his eyes, he could even see the blush underneath her glowing red fur. Her emerald gaze was away from him in embarrassment. “That’s the first time…someone other than Leafpaw has stuck up for me.”

“What about when we praised your bravery with those kittypets earlier?”

“Oh, don’t overthink this, mouse-brain!” Squirrelpaw chided, but the smile was clear on her face. “You know what I mean.”

Crowpaw had forgotten what it felt like to smile, but he was pretty sure he was doing it now. “It’s fine. You may be annoying, but I hate that mange-pelt a lot more.” He paused. “Is he always like that with you?”

Squirrelpaw sighed, curling into a comfortable position. “No. He’s really just stared since we began the journey.” She looked hesitant for a second and Crowpaw understood immediately/

“The rest of your clan?” Crowpaw’s voice dropped a little.

“Mostly my Dad and mentor.” Squirrelpaw admitted, her head tucking a little into her fluffy body. “I mean, I understand that they want what’s best for me, I do try to take their advice.”

“If that’s how they phrase it, I wouldn’t call it advice.” Crowpaw thought, but he knew she didn’t need to hear that. She needed to hear what would make her feel better.

“I guess.” Crowpaw said softly, “It doesn’t excuse them though.”

Squirrelpaw shrugged with a sad smile. “What does it matter? It’s my father and my leader, I can’t do anything, not really anyway.”

Crowpaw felt the discomfort from the first time he’d seen Brambleclaw scold Squirrelpaw return. She was so resigned that she just accepted it. But she was right. What could she do? Nobody could talk back to their clan leader and expect to come out well. How much worse could it be if that leader was her father? Crowpaw tried to think of what he did when he personally disagreed with something Tallstar had said; what had he done to get over it?

The black tom racked his brain and could only think of one thing. “They’re still wrong, you know.” Squirrelpaw met his gaze curiously, “About you being a problem. You’re not.”

The ginger molly didn’t say anything, she looked too bewildered by what the cat was saying to believe him. So Crowpaw carried on, “I mean, yeah, you’re a little…impulsive.” Crowpaw laughed a little when Squirrelpaw frowned at him. “But from what I’ve seen, the advice you gave me, the way you went for those kittypets throats?” He stared at her with honest recognition, “Any clan would be lucky to have that kind of apprentice in their ranks.”

Crowpaw had meant to say it to comfort her, but the more he went on, the more he realised he meant it. This cat was a catch for any clan. Her bravery, her wit, her (mostly) friendly nature. She was a cat even he could admire. Admiring a cat from another clan? Crowpaw could have laughed out loud, this journey was really changing him.

Squirrelpaw had become more still as he spoke, her face unravelling out of her fur to greet the light of the moon where the shimmering surprise in her face became more and more clear. He had meant every word. This cat from another clan, the one she had hated, was now telling her what she had always wanted to hear from her own clan for so long.

Every voice that had called her a problem before seemed to fade like bones in the dirt as Crowpaw’s honesty sank into the night.

Something twisted inside her, something warm and inviting.

Crowpaw actually looked like he was smiling. Crowpaw never smiled. Squirrelpaw liked his smile.

Squirrelpaw blinked away the appreciated tears before they could spill. She would not cry, she had that much pride left. “I guess I am pretty great!” Squirrelpaw coughed, composed herself, before turning back to the tom with a star bright beam.

She had a smile that pulled you in, one that Crowpaw couldn’t help but smile back at. When she rolls onto her back, her upside-down grin makes him chuckle. “You’re a mouse-brain, but one that I’d have in Windclan if it was up to me.”

Considering how arrogantly high Crowpaw held Windclan, Squirrelpaw realised this was probably the greatest compliment she could ever hope to receive.

“Aww, well sorry, Crowfood, but I don’t plan on leaving Thunderclan anytime soon.” She pouts mockingly, “No matter how slug-minded my clanmates are, they’re still my clan.”

Crowpaw shrugged, “Fair enough.” He could add loyal to the qualities he respected about her. He thought of something else he could say, cautious but hopeful it would make her feel a little better. “Besides, I’m sure your father does care about you. No leader would spend so much time if they didn’t.”

Squirrelpaw rolled back onto her belly, facing the tom, her face twisted in thought. “I suppose.”

“Still doesn’t mean he isn’t being a fox-heart about it though.” Crowpaw added quickly.

Squirrelpaw frowned but batted him with a playful giggle. “Hey, that’s my father you’re talking about.” She stopped laughing suddenly and looked down in the ground, her tail swaying carefully, contemplating, across the ground.

Crowpaw craned his head, “What?”

Squirrelpaw glanced up at him, biting her bottom lip attentively. “Can I ask you something?”

The tom’s ear twitched, “I guess.”

“What was your father like?”

The pit came back to Crowpaw’s stomach. He looked down from her. “I thought I already told you. I didn’t see much of him when I was young.”

Squirrelpaw edged a little closer to Crowpaw, “But what was he like when you did see him?”

Crowpaw felt a stupid irritation crawl down his fur again. “Why do you want to know?”

“I’m just asking.”

“Why though?”

“I told you about my father.” Squirrelpaw meowed, “I’m curious about what he was like, I’ll never get the chance to meet him after all.”

Crowpaw snorted contemptuously. Curiosity? That was a stupid reason to bring up those memories he wanted to forget. The very thought of Deadfoot made him angry, the picture of him was a poison that corrupted every dream Crowpaw dared to imagine.

But…Squirrelpaw had shared those kinds of thoughts with him, when she never had to. That meant that he was indebted to her in some way. Crowpaw groaned, he hated owing any cat anything. He sighed and pushed the sickness away from his stomach. Better to get this over with.

“I don’t know, he was always busy, I guess; always rushing to do whatever he could with the clan.”

Squirrelpaw scooted closer in interest. “All the time?”

“All the time.” Crowpaw cursed, “There wasn’t a day where he wouldn’t spend half of it carrying out whatever he could, even when he wasn’t asked. He might have wanted to prove himself.”

“Prove himself?”

Crowpaw’s tail rattled against the grass as it swung, “He’d been born with a twisted paw.”

“Oh, was that why he was called…” Squirrelpaw realised the meaning and her expression twisted with a mixture of humour and horror. “That’s horrible!”

Crowpaw shrugged, “He loved it. He felt it was something he could overcome, and he did. He spent every single day proving just how much of a credit he was to the clan.” Crowpaw didn’t add in what he really thought. How Deadfoot had been so stuck on his pride that he hadn’t remembered to care for his second duty as a cat. His family. Crowpaw felt his lip curl.

“He sounds like he was a hard worker.” Squirrelpaw said innocently.

“He was.” Crowpaw didn’t mean to hiss, but the thought of a near crying kit screaming at his dispassionate father pounded against his skull. He grit his teeth and tried to blur the image. Instantly, he regretted his tone when he saw Squirrelpaw’s ears fold back in fright.

“I’m sorry.” Squirrelpaw said quickly, “I didn’t mean-”

“No, don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that, I just… It’s complicated.” Crowpaw looked away in humiliation. He never left himself open like this, he swore to never let these emotions get the best of him, he always told himself that Deadfoot was not worth any tears.

He was failing his own advice.

Then a warmth came over his paw, he looked down and saw a small ginger paw rest gently on his own. Squirrelpaw smiled at him, inviting, comforting. “I’m here if you want to tell me.” She encouraged, her ginger fur glowing like a star in the night air. She spoke to him with a kindness that he hadn’t sensed in a long time from anyone, not since his own mother.

Crowpaw felt something surge. The desire to share, the push he needed. A wave of images of his father came to his mind and made his tongue spasm.

“I hated him.”

“Why?”

“He always put the clan before us. He never had any time for anything but himself and the clan. Never his family. We always came last as far as he was concerned.” It came out like the venom of an adder, hidden away, ready to strike. Crowpaw spoke it simple and plain, his voice hollow with the unspoken truth.

Squirrelpaw listened, ears up, looking him straight in the eye.

“The most time me or any of my family ever spent with him was at his vigil. There was never any time for us before that.” He remembered it clearly, listening while cats shared stories of the cat they all admired, stories Crowpaw never had, never would have. “Your father may be a pain, but at least you can say you have memories of him. All we ever did was fight; I was a kit for Starclan’s sake!”

Squirrelpaw took that on board and nodded slowly, “I’m sorry, that does sound awful.” No matter how much her father had begun to push her recently, she still had memories of him. Happy memories. Memories of him telling her and Leafpaw stories of the past while they rested at his or her mother’s side.

She cherished those times.

They were times Crowpaw never had.

“I didn’t like to think about him after that.” Crowpaw meowed, his steely gaze never leaving Squirrelpaw, “I didn’t want to. He never thought about us, so I didn’t want to waste time on him. And then-” The tom cringed. The newest memory, the one he hated the most was next. He spluttered for a moment, breaking his gaze to the floor with a sound that may have been a sob to those who listened carefully.

He felt a gentle squeeze on his paw, a rush of warmth. He looked up again, and her warm smile compelled him to finish.

He took a tight breath, “When I saw him in that dream, I felt so much angrier. He spoke of the prophecy, of how important this duty was, of how Windclan relied on me. But nothing else. Nothing. No apology, no explanation. He just faded away and left! Again! I deserve better than that don’t I? I-”

Crowpaw hadn’t meant for his voice to raise, he hadn’t meant to sound like he was ready to break down. He had to muster all his strength to keep himself together. The tears that pricked the corners of his eyes were blinked away and hidden once again. He shakily finished, “I’m his son.”

He waited for Squirrelpaw to say something else but nothing came, she looked at him, sadness clear in her expression, but also confused thought. Crowpaw sighed, what could she possibly say to take away the fact that his father hated him? It was nothing anyone could change.

And then, Crowpaw felt a warm feeling stroke his ear. He looked up, stunned. Squirrelpaw looked slightly embarrassed by what she had just done, hiding it behind a sheepish smile. She moved a little closer to him, thinking for a moment then spoke again to the wide-eyed apprentice.

“But he chose you didn’t he.” Squirrelpaw said softly. Her kind eyes burned into Crowpaw’s.

The Windclan cat shook himself out of the initial shock that she had licked him and craned his head with a puzzled look. “I- What?” He stammered.

“Out of every cat in Windclan, every warrior, he chose you to represent your clan.” Squirrelpaw giggled, “Mouse-brain, doesn’t that tell you anything?” She asked tenderly.

Thinking about her words, they did tell Crowpaw something, but he had been to angry before to realise it. His mouth hung as his brain swallowed her words. Squirrelpaw continued for him, her paw patting his chipperly.

“He trusts you, Crowpaw. It shows just how much he thought of you! And how much he still thinks of you in Starclan.”

Crowpaw sat in quiet contemplation. His father had chosen him. It was something he’d never considered, he’d only thought of Windclan, never his father. So, in Starclan, did Deadfoot really… Squirrelpaw’s smile urged on these positive thoughts that Crowpaw never dared to dream. They became more and more convincing because of her.

His father had chosen an apprentice to save Windclan.

His father had chosen him.

A shaky breath escaped Crowpaw, he tried to find words, but none came out.He couldn’t remember the last time he was geniuinely speechless. Squirrelpaw grinned, patted his paw again and laid down with a yawn. “You were chosen because your clan, your father, believes in you Crowpaw. If you forget that, you really do have bees in your brain.”

He may have retorted her banter, but Crowpaw heard a shift in her voice, something sad. He looked down at her and noticed a strain in her smile. Hie froze. Even now, she still thought of how her clan thought of her. This wonderful cat was still plagued by all those stupid words that meant nothing in reality.

He would not allow that.

“Yeah.” The black tom said smoothly, laying down next to her and realising what he needed to say. “Well if you ask me, Thunderclan chose the wrong cat.”

Squirrelpaw didn’t move for a second, then her eyes widened, and she looked again at Crowpaw. At his clear, genuine smile.

Once again, the ginger molly felt the warm twist in her heart.

She smiled back at him as he laid down to sleep again, his last movement being a gentle nod. Squirrelpaw followed suit, curling up next to his form. Despite the chilly air, they were both warm. She made sure he didn’t stir again throughout the night, and when he seemed to shiver a little, she let herself sleep by him. The warmth she gave her friend gave her all the peace Squirrelpaw all the peace she needed to sleep well.

#crowfeather #crowpaw #crowsquirrel #squirrelcrow #Warriors #warriors au #brambleclaw #Feathertail #stormfur #New Prophecy #fanfic #Warrior Cats

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