#fai7h 8a88les
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often when i say i'm a therian people assume i'm a dog, because i do things like bark and growl and call my hands my paws, and i have to be like... oh no the dog thing has nothing to do with my nonhuman identity. i'm into petplay and it kinda follows me in my daily life because i think it's cute. i am a shrimp in a human body pretending to be a dog for fun. and 99% of the time they're like "oh ok" and it's just that.
but there's a specific kind of reaction, where they're almost saying "yeah, sure, keep saying that" and it happens often enough that i'm really fucking tired of it. especially when it comes from other therians and kinfolks! i know who i am! i'm gonna be 24 soon and i have actually thought about this a lot, it's deeply weird that some people out there think it's ok to speculate on what i am and am not actually.
sorry for the random vent i'm just so annoyed right now ><
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massive kin euphoria from the dentist telling me i have some of the best teeth he's ever seen today
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18+ FICTIONKIND/FICTIVES ONLY POLL
i'm a fanartist who does a lot of NSFW art, i'm fictionkind and we have a lot of fictives. we like drawing this kind of thing about ourselves, for us it's an expression of our identities like any other, but i've always wondered how other people relate to it? so yeah! here's a poll for that
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I am never beating the Dirk allegations
CONTENT WARNING: mention of system integration
Today is my birthday, and as always that means I am reflecting on myself and the ways I've changed throughout my life. Let's talk about my relationship to Dirk Strider and how I've started calling myself a "kinnie" despite hating the word.
There's a running joke in my friend group, that when I say certain things people respond "Okay, Dirk." and I pretend to be offended. This is of course in reference to the character Dirk Strider from Homestuck, my favorite guy that I study and rotate in my mind every single second of every day. They love doing it and I encourage it, and the more it happens the more I find myself reflecting on it.
I don't know how I feel about it.
I guess it feels good, and makes me feel seen, but having awakened as fictionkin many years ago I can't say it's the same kind of feeling as when people acknowledge me as my kintypes. But lately it has started to affect me.
I've talked in the past about how my BPD and alterhumanity intersect, namely that I have a very thin sense of self. A part of that manifested in me becoming a robot after a friend I'm very close to decided to acknowledge me as one, the statement ringing so true that I changed in accordance. I became someone else.
I do not label myself as robotkin(d) or machinekin(d), because a robot is simply a thing I am. Appending -kin(d) feels to me like i am putting distance between me and being a robot, because my kintypes are only parts of me. There is a me that would still exist if you took the anomalocaris or the Vriska or the Kevin out, but if you took the robot out I would be a fully different person. That's what it means to me, at least.
So is that what's happening to me right now? Am I, in a sense, in the process of becoming Dirk Strider through a similar chain of events? Well, yes, I believe I am.
But there is something else. An event I have put off reflecting upon, mainly because it wasn't a very fun time. In 2019, the Homestuck Epilogues dropped, and my system collapsed- I was already having an incredibly hard time in my personal life and the harshness of the text, triggering subject matter, and my altered state of mind due to having been drinking at the time all collided to create a trauma response in us that caused us all to integrate.
We all had to rebuild ourselves as separate people in the thirty minutes that followed, and in that moment I think I absorbed a non-insignificant portion of the very text that caused this to happen. I now believe my brain processed the event through the lens of Ultimate Dirk.
Unlike with my Vriska theriotype, I don't believe this caused me to actually become the character. Though both have similar origins as responses to trauma, Ult!Dirk was a framework my mind came up with to rebuild itself rather than a conscious choice I made to cope with a bad situation.
I did not feed this particular change for a long time, and when other people started doing it for me I was more puzzled than anything. I was genuinely a little offended at first, because the statement was factually wrong, but as time goes on it's starting to become true. It felt wrong for a long time, until it eventually... didn't.
For better or for worse, the word "kinnie" is the only one that I feel fits my current state with regards to this. I wish there was a better one, but it's the one that clicks- if being a robot is simply a truth about what I am, and my kintypes are part of me, then Ult!Dirk is currently one level removed from that. This is why the word is currently useful to me, not that I'm really happy about it.
I am fully aware that to a lot of people even admitting that's what I've been calling it makes me sound less serious about my alterhumanity, and I am actively looking for a better term. These birthday writings only reflect where I currently am in my life, even if it's messy, and this is where I am. Maybe by next year this will have changed, but only time will tell.
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years l8er the dirk thing is truly just kinda funny to me. it really went like:
>8e me, guy who is definitely not dirk strider
>you have to understand you really hate dirk strider
>you cannot stand being anything like him
>it is driving you insane
>take all the parts that are definitely not dirk strider
>cut most of them off
>look at the guy you just cre8ed
>it's dirk strider
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at this point i think i really have lost all desire to prove myself to anyone, because it's either A) i am everything i say i am and that's that, or B) i am literally so mentally ill and delusional it might as well not matter if i'm not "really" a robot shrimp who shares a brain with 25 other guys
that's how i've been internally addressing the constant self-doubt and it's been VERY effective
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I'm an artist at othercon!
find me under the username "breeoche" in the artist tables! i will also be doing an art stream on day 2, in which i'll take commissions at a reduced price!!
see y'all there 👋👋👋
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the othercon archetrope panel really made me think more about my own archetypal identity and i think i'm gonna call it like... the Dark Prince?
i guess i can just call it The Prince because that's what i am, in a homestuck sense. but i feel like saying "yeah i'm a Prince" conjures way softer images to most people than the sheer force i have in mind when i say it. but maybe adding "dark" in front of it feels too edgy and too inherently evil?
the thing that comes to mind for me is, an oppositional force. ruling over something, not as a necessarily evil person but definitely not in a benevolent way. using your power over the thing you rule to your ends, to bring down whatever it is that would try to stop you. there's a militaristic sense to it, because "prince" comes from the roman title "princeps" that when used alone most often designated centurions in command of a unit.
or, in a more general fiction archetype sense, a character who is a young masculine royal and opposes the hero in a significant way. right now the only characters i can think of are Prince Zuko from atla and Prince Lotor from voltron though... idk i'm just rambling, it's a part of my identity i haven't really thought about as much.
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another trans person in this community needs to become a well-known meme so they can capitalize on the clout and then well finally stop hearing about naia. id be willing to do it but i already have too many projects. /j
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othercon is going so well it's only day 1 and i've already reconsidered my identity
for a while, i've been thinking about labeling my vriska fictotype as also being a theriotype. i first started this blog due to people telling me i couldn't call myself a therian since anomalocaris is an extinct animal- a claim we can all agree is ridiculous, and also why my blog name is the annoyingly unspellable portmanteau you all know and love.
anyway, i get a lot of animalistic instincts and urges from my vriska fictotype! hunting, play fighting (extreme version), growling, biting, etc. etc. are all part of the experience for me. so i was considering labeling it that way, but i was also afraid people would try to fight me on my own identity and as a butch transfemasc xenogender aromantic bisexual lesbian i've had enough of that for a lifetime... but anyway, that panel really gave me the push i needed to actually do that.
so yeah! that's where i'm at right now, vriska serket is one of my theriotypes!
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ammonite earrings i thrifted in amsterdam :D totally wrong time period but they still called to me for therian reasons lol
#fai7h 8a88les#cant be too picky with this stuff cuz nobody cares about the cambrian 😔#i like ammonites though theyre cool
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see i would make a therian mask because theyre cool as hell unfortunately i don't know how to make the shape of a shrimp face out of cardboard
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help my girlfriend is using her domme powers to force me into introspection regarding my relationship to dirk strider again
#fai7h 8a88les#this is what i get for only dating other switches. they can pull that shit on me whenever. im going to strangle them.
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hmmm... if someone is kin of a character from a song does that make them songkin? what about people who are kin of characters from song-only musicals (ie: little to no spoken dialogue) or characters from concept albums?
all of them are definitely fictionkin but i am wondering about that specifically.
also for people who are kin of such characters, do you id as songkin? if yes/no, could you elaborate on why?
#fai7h 8a88les#otherkin#fictionkin#songkin#questions for the community#<- new tag for stuff i want to ask people
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i dont even know why i gave kritix a pooltoy form or why i rendered it so well i was just Possessed when i drew it. but now they feel so much more like me? i guess being a robot means i just relate much more to sentient objects which makes sense, but this really came out of nowhere lol
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