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zalrb · 1 year

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Honestly i personally did read the say thing as rude or maybe juet pretty annoyed but like thats not a you problem and the fact that people (esp people who you weren't even talking to) thought it was okay to call you a bitch and condescending and all this stupid shit is beyond absurd. Like if i had seen that ask at the time it was posted instead of after seeing you clarity, i literally just would've left your blog if it bugged me that much or just keep fucking scrolling? Like the audacity people have, even if you HAD been trying to be a little rude, is next fucking level oh my GOD. And the fact that people act like just bc someone takes the time to send you an ask means you HAVE to answer it at all, let alone in a long analysis is insane lol. This isn't your job. And as a somewhat long time follower, i have never thought you were saying people couldn't enjoy shows/ships/characters no matter what or that your opinions are facts. Its crazy to expeft someone to clarity it's their opinion in every post when they come to your blog, like that's just a given lmao. I straight up enjoy legacies bc i have an attachment to the characters and I'm still just chilling and do not care when you insult it lmao. People really need to chill about people's opinions on the internet. (hint to those people: just because someone says something's bad does not mean you can't enjoy it but just leave them alone about it!) Also i hope those asks never get to you, it doesn't seem like they do but the fact that those people want to hurt you is so disgusting truly.

Oh no, the asks don't get to me, at most I get fed up with certain sentiments and that's when I write a post like I need everyone to understand that I'm not going to adjust myself on my blog so if you have a problem with my tone, do what's best for you and either drop my blog, like you said, or just accept that this is how I speak/write but coming into my inbox calling me rude, if anything, just ensures that when I am sarcastic, I'm going to really lean into it. And for this particular case, I'm more bewildered than anything because when I'm exasperated if I feel like anons are asking me to repeat things I've already said and that they just don't want to find the post or apply the things I've written in a post to their question, I sound like this

when I'm annoyed I sound like this

when I think an ask is stupid, this is how I respond

I don't elaborate. If I elaborate on an ask I'm annoyed by or think is dumb it's usually a DEr says something and I'm answering it to have a conversation with my followers otherwise it's

so the fact that there has been so much commotion over something I find extremely trivial just has me like LMAO ok.

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zephyrangel13 · 3 years

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I know Tumblr for me was a thing when I had like 14 or so. Thing is something changed.

Did Tumblr change? Did it's pornography ban in 2018 change the site all that much? Was it the fact that it introduced ads and all of the creators here try monetysing their content instead of making art like they did before? Thing is that blogs I've been following have turned slowly into that and if they didn't the userbase recycled the same fake-deep garbage to the point there isn't one good new quote here to actually look at and learn or feel relatable too. The aesthetic blogs either faded into obscurity, simply don't show no more in my feed or plainly moved to another platforms like Instagram. Thing is that moving out of Tumblr made the Tumblr-aesthetic fall out into the big open space of "good looking" consumerism. All dimwits nowadays like the most hideous pictures just because they show some trace of a boob, ass or cute animal and all the valuable art simply is lost between shitty celebrities or half-famous idiots. It's really a shame.

Did I change? Was I a different person and my tastes in art and psychology just change to be out of tune with Tumblr? Was this a natural to be expected thing? Well, thing is that yes, I've gained some life experience and some of the quotes that I see nowadays I take with a grain of salt and a pinch of cynicism. I can't rezonate anymore with the early existential dread of a teenager that thinks some other dumb teenager is and will be the love of his life and the end of the world as we know it will come if they break up. I won't be upset the same way at shitty little things people do, but in essence, morality for me is still a thing and I do get upset on persons that use a certain behaviour that I didn't really expect of them.

A few days ago I went trough screenshots of conversations I had with my first girlfriend. She actually was innocent and wanted an honestly fulfilling relationship. I ended up thinking of how big of a jerk I was and how flawed my behaviour is.

What is life, but a matter of perspective, anyways. You can really think you have the absolute truth and that others shouldn't be offended because of your behaviour. You probably feel like they're the ones that don't understand you. That they've made a lot of things deliverately to make you feel bad, that they're quick to anger and ill tempered.

But... Did you ever ask yourself what did you do to make them be that hostile to you? Did you ever do anything to upset them? Maybe it was in good intention or a joke you said that made them aggresive towards you. Why? You don't know yet and probably they don't know for sure either. Thing is that overanalysing yourself reveals that compulsive behaviours have all sorts of triggers and odd reasons. If you expeft others not to be mad at you when you make dumb and not-so-well thought decisions, learn to be patient.

There are a lot of things that really get me to be pissed off about somebody. Even my nearest and dearest friends sometimes made me have an existential crysis about wether they do or do not give a fuck about me because of their behaviour that I thought of to be inconsiderate. How am I supposed to stop those impulses? Best I found is simply keeping myself busy with other shit. Why? Bevause otherwise I get too involved into the subject and it makes me jump from hating myself to hating everybody around me. Not like I'd punch somebody, but like I'd rather make them feel miserable for doing things I don't agree with or simply don't seem to fit my narrative. Why do I feel the need to act like that? I don't have the slightest clue, but I'm sure most of the time I'm making things up, and none of them are good.

My mind is a wormhole that sucks behaviour from people and turns them into grade A potential threats to human decency and morality. How that works?

I'm not entirely sure, but I can give off an example:

"Friend X takes a photo of her after she's done with the make-up and picks the nice clothes, then posts it on Instagram and boasts about what a "glow-up" she had since last year and other bs. In of itself this way of doing things is only natural. We all seek attention and gratification, but where my problem with this lies?

Well, first off patting yourself on the back you look better because your hormones settled , put on some make up and bought some clothes with money that aren't yours don't think should be a thing, but I digress. Same shit happends with guys at 18 showing off the cars that parents just bought them.

Then comes the fact that you haven't put all that much work into it. You haven't done a fancy and artsy make-up. Your photo doesn't have a story, it's just your face as in every other photo of your profile and moreover, the fact that you choose to seek attention from people you barely know other than persons close to you is simply dumb.".

That's just me now getting wild, but a more psychological and laid off explanation for such an aggresive train of thought is the fact that I'd rather be the place that person seeks attention from, because I really thought I could be a close friend.

Question is still... Was it just that or my brain actually does that because I hope to find a partner? How much of a fuck would I give anymore if she posted anything if I could give and recieve my precious attention to and from another person?

Taking another example at hand:

"Friend Y got offended in a discussion about a sensitive topic. I really am bad at these because I either don't know when I overextend with me imventing stuff for the sake of conversation wnd because I sometimes pick the worst topics in the first place, even though I really should avoid then, out of experience.

That made her a bit pissed because I was treating like a little thought experiment of my own rather than thinking about how real world things end out to be and then I started throwing some insults to hypothetical creatures in my head associated with the real life counterparts and it just went all to shit. Mea culpa and I really should stop myself from just spewing all the shit that my brain can process badly.

Then I come to be an asshole a second time and make a joke about how she does things like old people. She takes it seriously, gets offended and tells me to fuck off. "

Sincerely, well deserved, but I did take it the wrong way. How that works? Well, when someone tells you yo fuck off you usually are pissed because they don't agree with you on something and they're aggresive about it.

I for one couldn't really be that angry at someone not agreeing with something as long as they give off a good argument about why I'm wrong. Neither will I be that pissed if someone is angry for me not being on the same side of the coin with them.

What really pisses me off is telling me to fuck off and not giving any reason why. Maybe for other people that means to calmly distance themselves and that's that. i myself feel like a piece of garbage when someone does that. Moreso, if it comes from a friend, because what fuck off means to me when it's serious it's you as a person don't want to hear my opinion, don't want to tell me why I'm wrong nor hear my apology if needed.

Since I feel discarded as a person, I want you to feel the same way I do, because I think words and demeanour really mean a lot and won't let that shit slide. I abstain myself from making a fuss about things and try to discuss things when my mind has cooled down so I can take part in an adult-like conversation and expect the same from others.

To add insult to injury feeling ignored after I got the opportunity so apologise is a further action that I don't appreciate, but understand somehow. Getting cold with someone after some time is to be expected.

It's just sad how things start unknowingly, go up to a climax and then start to degrade and then relationships fall into obscurity and die. Maybe sometimes re-peak after years, but with a short burst and sadly never at the same intensity.

When is a friend actually a good friend? When will you know he's going to be there for you? For now I only have one hypothesis, but I'd have to have or consider more than one actual good friend to be sure about that. My conclusion about this is that you really know you have a good friend when you don't really give that much of a thought to the question wether that person will or will not be in your like at a later point in time in your life. When regardless of what friends you have around or he/she has around, either of you will adapt so that you both fit in the group context.

Whenever I'll still have to worry about one person it either means we've not passed trough enough together or he/she simply doesn't fit to be a friend

#zephyr-angel-13

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