#eveningramble
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Radiant oak #settingsun #radiantoak #sierrafoothills #eveningramble (at O'Neals, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ciyqfd6LTZZnkl1z1oS8HBVyK70YV06yps8t_w0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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feels cruel that there is no "hiding likes on timeline" on twitter setting like gdi i want to appreciate (which like) the nsfw illusts without feeling like to freak out my irl friends and having another account feels a hassle to me when im not even really into nsfw that often 馃檭
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and you will leave, but I will grow; I will bloom amidst all the thorns.
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evening ramble
I've spent my entire life being the second hand; the loser, the average body, the social catastrophe. I've been through the extremes of too cheery to too much of an asshole. Obviously none of the two worked for me and for who I wanted to become, but there's a bigger problem and I just said it. I didn't know who I wanted to become. Do I know now? Maybe.
What do I want to find in myself? What do I want to succeed with in my life? What do I want other people to describe me as?
These are the main traits I'd like to acquire at a point in life.
Stability, mainly emotional. Ever since a kid I have crash dived into panic attacks for the most minor issue. I haven't had one in about 2-3 years but some incidents still make me choke up (for example, being scolded for not having studied or something similar).
Success. Most people would put this one at the top but I can't succeed if am not stable enough to fight through the hardships that success comes with; a skyscraper needs very solid foundation to maintain its height.聽
Now you'll say "just two traits?" but I assure you that everything else I want to achieve in my life is included in these two.
Stability is broken down to:
Socializing better (I'm already 1305813 times better than I was in the past but I can use some getting better at it)
Juggling聽recreation with creating art and working. Real world example that happened yesterday: I had to study a lot. I was home at 16:00 and had time until 18:30 to study before I left home again. I spent ALL THIS TIME on the internet, except for the final quarter (18:15) where I hastily read through my notes and solutions to the math exercises I had to solve.
Obviously there's a problem here; I distract myself and then lose sight of my original goal, putting short-term enjoyment and procrastination before the benefits of studying that will show themselves in time (and in the final exams).
Before I continue the bullet points of stability, let me talk about this (studying) a bit more.聽
I absorb things quick but I tend to not do the exercises I am supposed to as to make these absorbed things become knowledge that is hard wired into my brain.
So, stability in programming my day; a good program makes sure I study as much as I want to and that I spend my time doing things I actually have pleasure indulging into (creating music, drawing, maybe watching a movie or listening to an album).
Staying strong in an opinion or a belief is also something I'm getting better at; I used to speak my mind out and then take it back when I found out that someone had different views or was offended by mine in some way. I must make myself a person who doesn't give a damn what others think; my opinion is MY opinion.
Patience聽related to receiving the fruit of one's labour.
Success has many similar points with Stability (they'll be written in parentheses) and is broken down to:
Meetingwomen聽is聽not聽something I have problem with; rather it's the whole聽not ending in the friend zone聽thing (bane of my existence) that I want to work on. (Socializing)
Achieving a long worked-for goal such as getting a satisfactory score in a final exam聽(Juggling)聽or shedding off the pounds of weight that have been holding me down all my life.
Getting a job (after university) that is related to my interests (anything related to computers or/and music).
I'm sure there's something I'm missing or forgetting; if I remember something I'll either add it to this list or make a new post about it. This was my better self rambling. As opposed to morning ramblings where I just blurted out whatever first came onto my mind I actually thought about what I was going to type next.
Before I forget; here's a mini-list of things that I want to achieve that fall into聽both or neither of the above 2 categories that I listed above:
Stop talking/boasting about myself or my achievements聽when talking to people just because I want to feel better for myself.
Show more respect without losing my strength in the conversation.
Be less of a condescending asshole.
Stop self-pity.
Get more fit.
Expand wardrobe into more than t-shirts and jeans and more colours than black.
Get more balls for my pants.
rambler out.
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Lupine #lupine #eveningramble #basslakecalifornia #californiawildflowers (at Bass Lake, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CP9OAPIA20P21S9Lx-u9SRYpQwVMM7eUix0hL00/?utm_medium=tumblr
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Boats on Bass Lake #boatsboatsboats #basslakecalifornia #cloudscape #eveningramble (at Bass Lake, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CP8SE7ugJw3kFPSvzhMruYfNlInm7qrYB0zjms0/?utm_medium=tumblr
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Bass Lake, CA #eveningramble #basslakecalifornia #settingsunscapes #californialiving (at Bass Lake, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CP8QUtrAO8OQR51k1JTOWRDnYJJ-k-WD03COo40/?utm_medium=tumblr
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Setting sun over Bass Lake #basslakecalifornia #settingsunoverlake #sierranationalforest #eveningramble (at Bass Lake, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNxZj40AM2lRvcwg37_SiBgmAf4ysugu4a2Y3A0/?igshid=1ae7na1714dvb
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Bass Lake, CA #basslakecalifornia #southwestshore #waningeveninglight #eveningramble (at Bass Lake, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNxY1gbg13IH1qR7IfAtIIaT5J4cfJZEB-r8lo0/?igshid=ozueeynmc1gm
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Evening drive at Bass Lake. #basslakecalifornia #sierranationalforest #road222 #eveningramble (at Bass Lake, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNwS-Igg5PjwDNPZmDrHZEoDYpovT2-d76HyvI0/?igshid=pt2p105nlkj9
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Bass Lake, CA #basslakecalifornia #road222 #eveningramble #sunbeams (at Bass Lake, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNwSM3TAkJVk6RPfaT7gXlnmN35RaH4Vabk54A0/?igshid=3y8dpwri83nw
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Dreamy skies over North Fork #dreamyskies #northforkcalifornia #sierranationalforestcalifornia #eveningramble (at North Fork, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CMGe7G9AHFB6gdQePxYEZlHWBb8jud19yaTYLY0/?igshid=1byt2bt11ukk6
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Beautiful evening for a little ride around the lake. #basslakecalifornia #vintagehondamotorcycle #cb750k #motorcyclerides #eveningrambler (at Bass Lake, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CQLwkEogmTw55npKWzDNDLK8x3dERVGu_4IkUY0/?utm_medium=tumblr
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