some men are textbook villains fr

Okay, I finally got around to reading the new parts as well as the asks and your responses, and first off, I just want to say I'm proud of you. Like truly. It takes so much strength to be able to fight through what you just experienced. Dealing with trauma will always be an uphill battle and it's going to be a bumpy road to say the least. but you're strong and brave so I have no doubt you'll get through it 🤍 I'm so glad you were able to find writing as a way to process things. It really does help us more than we think. I'm so so sorry that it happened. Sending you all the warm hugs i could give from the other side of the world 🤍

Now, onto the story which, is very heavy as you've warned us before. I mean things aren't in detail but still. You can just feel it. Sam being out of the picture was just so so bad. Obviously, he needed to because that is his nephew. And I know A.J. would be okay but God...not having him there is just, bad news. And it happened at the worst time possible too.

When I saw that Chloe has been "chosen" my heart literally ached. And I could feel Pocket's guilt because, how couldn't she be? They were in the same room together. They literally spoke with each other. You can't just stop the "what-if's" going through your head because there are so many things she could've done but didn't, and so many things she did that she shouldn't have that change the whole course. That's the killer part. So many possible outcomes going true your head and the would've, could've, should've's. But, unfortunately, there's not much she could do. She made a choice during the moment, a temporary solution which, unfortunately, didn't have the best outcome in the long run.

At first, I was hopeful that Chloe was going to be fine and that they'd just somehow taken her somewhere to be experimented on with Hydra wanting to make a new serum or something. So the way my heart literally dropped when I read the first part of Chapter 25. I just...I don't even have the right words. It's just horrible. And then I read her age? Fifteen? I had to put my phone down and take a deep breath. I just feel so devasted. Now if I'm already feeling all that, imagine what Pocket must've been feeling? She's literally living through it and she feels like she had a hand in what happened. It wasn't her fault, not at all. She could only control so much of that situation. She's a strong ass woman but she can't fight against those guys while fighting her own demons at the same time. There really wasn't much she could've done. But God, it's going to haunt her for the rest of her life. But the sad part is, no matter what she does, there's not much she can do to change things. She's just going to have to learn to live with that guilt. I know you really don't like Steve, but the line he said to Wanda in Civil War: "This job... we try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes that doesn't mean everybody. But if we can't find a way to live with that, next time... maybe nobody gets saved."

So her spiraling? It comes as no surprise. It's not healthy, but she's in too deep. She's just trying to find a way to numb everything and I can't blame her. Like, it's so easy for us to say oh just go through therapy, rehab etc. don't buy any drugs, don't to this, don't do that because were not the ones in it. But it's never that easy. I just...feel so sad and devasted by it all.

I know everyone's mad at Bucky and rightfully so. But, I am so so glad he's going to be back because yeah, Pocket hates him but at least we have someone who'd stop at nothing to protect her and make sure she's okay. You can't deny he cares about her and that he knows her well. So if there's ANYONE (besides Tony) who could at least snap her out of it for a moment, it would be him. I mean, nobody can pull Pocket out of her spiral apart from herself, but I think Bucky would be helpful in that at least. They're going to butt heads when they meet again but with Pocket's current situation and her mindset, I'm at least grateful that there's someone there to stop her from going even deeper into this hole. She's already off the rails, so I'm grateful that now she's going to have someone who's going to try his damnest to pull her back. Drag her (lovingly) if he has to.

Sigh. We're getting so close to the truth unfolding. I can't wait to see it all. Also saw a snippet of Chapter 26 and honestly, I really do see Bucky's growth (hence why I'm calling him by his name this time) and I can't wait to see more of it. As always, you're amazing. Be kind to yourself and don't forget to always take care of yourself. Lots of love!

— Jnon 🤍

Thank you, Jnon <3 I gladly accept and return your warm hugs from half a world away. They mean so much! Sometimes it's hard to see myself as anything other than broken and weak when I'm in the midst of my feelings, so I appreciate the reminder that healing from this kind of thing is a journey.

I really didn't want Sam to leave, but I needed Pocket to be at her absolute worst point, and alone. I felt like that was the only way she was going to be willing to accept Bucky back into her life. She doesn't want Tony to know what's happening-- she doesn't want to disappoint him, not when he had so much faith in her, so she's kept everything that's been going on from him.

AJ's gonna be alright. Poor kid is just a plot device for me, here. I feel bad, lol. He doesn't deserve it. In my head, he's being spoiled with ice cream and video games while he recovers, lol.

Pocket's gonna feel Chloe's loss for a long time, even beyond this fic, I'm sure. She set out to save girls like her, but instead, because of her selfishness and her perceived weakness, she got a girl killed. In her own mind, she's just as bad as everyone who hurt her growing up. Chloe was her, in a way, and Pocket failed her, and thus herself. Pocket's gonna mention later that it's like this cycle never ends. She could spend the rest of her life working to save women from a similar fate, but it will never be enough. But if she can help save even one woman, well, that's one woman who didn't have hope before. Pocket needed to be at her absolute lowest point so she could get her head out of her ass and fix herself so she can help others.

Funny thing about Pocket and Bucky-- she never hates him. She might think she does, but would actually make her life a lot easier if she really did. She loves him too much, almost.