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thisselflovecamebacktome · 7 months

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Update time:

As per usual I'll put the tldr before the cut and longer rant surrounding my feelings under.

I'm going to have very limited internet from October 13th to 27th, like to the point of probably only having internet for 2 of those days maximum (likely the 16th and 25th but we'll see). With that in mind, please feel free to continue to send messages but just note that I may not answer until the 27th.

There's a good chance that I am going to start blogging again around November 4th.

If I do come back, it won't be as actively as before (but more than now) and there's a good chance that I will veer towards being more of a multifandom blog than mostly a Taylor one.

Okay so longer thoughts around this all... So when I took my break, I wasn't sure how long I planned it to be or even if I could do it at all. Like I had been wanting to for so long that I expected to fall back into old habits within a week. So the fact that I have made it this far, and like with ease, has been incredible. But the truth is that this break had three major goals and I feel like only one of them has been even somewhat fulfilled.

Firstly, and the one that has been somewhat fulfilled, was proving to myself that I could use my time doing something else. And I say somewhat fulfilled because like realistically I'm still online more than I would've liked, just on like Duolingo or whatever relearning Japanese. And don't get me wrong, I still feel like that's better than being on social media for 15 hours a day and it has somewhat helped me manage my time better. Likewise, I do have a ton of offline activities coming up, but they're all temporary holidays. And it may sound weird to remedy that with coming back online but that leads into goal two.

The second goal was to feel more connected to people. Realistically, I still feel the same (very positively) about my offline friends and just feel more disconnected to the community I had here. And now that I think I can balance my time better with social media, I'm willing to try find a better balance for that.

And then there's the elephant in the room, which is tied with the third goal. The third goal was to get away from the noise because honestly? I've had very mixed, but more rapidly negative growing emotions about being in the Taylor Swift fandom since Midnights' release but especially this year, like more so than ever (which, those of you who have been around since 2015 know, is saying something). I had hoped that time away would somewhat subdue the negativity, especially because my expectations for Taylor have been far lower since 2019 than they were previously and I found my way back to her then. But honestly? It only reinforced it. I'm not saying that I hate Taylor or her fandom now. Like I will still go to eras in February and I love you guys, but I can't pretend like May didn't happen or that it didn't have real world/offline effects to people who I love including violence from others and self harm. And more so, I can't pretend like it doesn't make me resentful that despite god knows how many posts and tiktoks and whatever from Taylor Swift fans saying that they've also faced offline harm, people are still acting like this was just a chronically online issue that was 'overreacted' on. And like honestly? This year, and the acceptance that this stuff likely isn't going to change, was the straw that broke the camel's back with that stuff, not the whole issue.

Like my whole view of being a fan has changed; everything from engaging in her music purchasing her music (Speak Now TV was the first time I hadn't preordered it and only own it now because I was gifted it, the same will go for 1989 TV and tbh have barely listened to her music lately), to other media where I'm not as motivated or scared of FOMO as to feel the need to see everything straight away or get more eras tickets (I'm likely going to cancel the accommodation I had for the city I was going to get resale tickets for) and I no longer feel comfortable reblogging any photos that Taylor hasn't taken/approved herself. And that's led to a place where ultimately I feel like I am here more for the community than even being a fan if that makes sense. Like again, I love you all and I don't hate Taylor, it's just more than she's now at the level of just say The Weeknd for me where I appreciate the musicality more than stanning her as a person as opposed to it being both like before. And I've had a lot of fear around that, particularly earlier in the year because I may not be able to have the community without being as involved with the factor tying us all together, but I'm in a far better headspace now where I can trust that that won't be the case but also be fine if it is.

Anyway that was a rant and a half, but the point is that if and when I come back, which may or may not be sooner than I thought, I'll be looking at following more non-Taylor blogs. I still haven't made a choice on level of personal posts though, but I do think it's going to be more of a balance of positive moments in my life and leaving most of my negative ones for myself because while I'd like to think that I've been an honest influence by showing my struggles, a large part of my conflicting feelings about being online is just how identifiable I've been through posting those struggles, especially in a country where any onus of defamation is on the person making the statements. It's honestly a big reason why 99% of my biggest struggles from last year weren't posted, because unfortunately, with how uncommon some of my issues have been, posting them plus the selfies I have over the years (and tbh even without the selfies) has led to feeling like I have a target on my back and I just can't do that anymore. So yeah, this is another rant but while it's not set in stone, if I post anything about my life, it will be more manufactured and 'best of' rather than the whole picture... ironically given I feel like tumblr has often been my diary/venting space for the worst moments lmao.

But anyway, I've ranted enough and it's after midnight here now, so that's where things stand atm.

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transienturl · 2 years

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I think the title is honestly completely irrelevant to the actual content but man that's such a good video. It reminds me of Anand Shimpi's coverage before he retired from tech journalism, which is I think pretty much the highest praise you can give in this industry. These days I think a lot of technology journalism is very focused on the here and now (probably largely in the interest of chasing engagement, as you have to for financial reasons), and it's rare to see someone really step back and look at this continual progression of products in a big-picture way.

edit from later when I was writing this post: I am going to leave the stuff in the middle, but I actually came up with a really good framing device for the thing I want to say about this about five paragraphs after this point, rendering the upcoming text fairly pointless

I don't know. Maybe this is off-topic (not that that matters; I control the post topic), but I've really lost some of the passion I had for following along with advancements in tech products in the past, oh, like five years. I think part of that is that these days, most products don't suck anymore, so there's less differentiation and it's hard for something to be truly special. But for the most part I think there's really been a drop in the quality of analysis you can get in coverage, and I'm not sure why.

Because, like... I guess in my opinion the path to a great tech review isn't "here is a new product; should you buy it if you want this kind of product," because that was never really the point. It would be like if sports coverage was only of the scores, or if the financial news was just "this is the Dow today." The best coverage creates a framework for you to understand the market as a whole, and what use cases it serves well or poorly and what features or limitations you can expect or what you should be surprised by. Effectively, it should help show you which 95% of the breathless marketing terminology you'll see whenever you even vaguely consider spending money on anything to ignore, and which 5% are really interesting.

And, I dunno, that 5% is really quite interesting! But these days I feel like when I need to look something up for a quite practical thing like "someone I know wants to know what computer to buy; what are the classes of product in this price range," I feel like it's all just variations of regurgitating that 95%.

So it's really sort of a breath of fresh air, I guess, to watch something about tech these days and go, "oh, I remember that now, and I wouldn't have thought to make that comparison, and look at that detail I hadn't noticed, and I really feel like I'll look at the next product I see with this in mind," I guess is what I'm saying.

Oh: I'm not going to rewrite this post around this conclusion, but a better framing device for this post that I just realized is that I think the best technology coverage makes you think not just about the options immediately in front of you, but breaks them apart into concepts that you can think about in terms of products that don't yet exist. These days I feel like a review of a product is usually essentially unconstructive criticism; "this should be cheaper" isn't a line I would take as a product designer and go, "oh, that actually helps me understand what I could do to create a better product."

Basically, I think it's really important that journalism helps teach you about how the sausage is made, and why it's made that way, because:

a) it's just interesting

b) helps inspire new generations of sausage makers

c) makes you think about sausages in an informed conceptual way, so that next time you see a new sausage, rather than just googling a review and seeing if they say it's good, you can go, "oh my god, they finally created that product we are all hoping for," or "okay I know that looks exciting, but they still really haven't fixed XYZ," or "I don't need to spend any time thinking about that besides checking off a mental checkbox" or "what the hell is that, that is the most interesting thing we have seen in a while, I must learn about it," and so you become a better and more informed consumer both now and in the future

tell a man a phone is 20% faster, help him decide if he should buy it today; show a man that phones are usually 20% faster on average than last year's model but this one is only 8% faster but the price structure is normal so maybe this year purchasing a used model is unusually prudent, help him read a benchmark chart for life

god what the fuck am I talking about

#long post

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meadow-roses · 4 years

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This is Part 1, ✨History✨.

Okay, so I was working on typing up plot stuff for Joden's story that I'm still thinking of a name for, but it's getting really long so I'll post it in parts. :3

Also since this is really early in the story's creation pretty much everything is subject to change, but you get the idea of the general plot. XD

@ascendant-queen 💖

If anyone has any questions feel free to ask 👀

The story is set in a forested landscape, tree dotted grasslands eventually giving way to deep forests climbing up the mountain slopes. The different kinds of animals live in self governing groups, with varying levels of interaction between them.

The smaller critters like mice, rabbits, and squirrels mostly just live in large family groups throughout the entire region south of the Great Pine Woods. They by far make up the majority of the population, and have no uniting ruler.

The cheetahs live in the southern plains, little baronies scattered all around. Their diet consists of fish and smaller birds (? Might change that later haven't decided if the birds are sentient) and the cereal crops they grow. They also trade these grains with the other animals in exchange for goods such as cloth and beads. They love being fancy. They have this system of electing their rulers, but only members of the "nobility" (land owners) ever get voted in because of money stuffs.

The raccoons also form their own society working off the classic monarchy. Their kingdom is built in the Eastern woods, with their homes built up off the ground and literally in the trees. In the most populated villages, rope and stick bridges connect these homes making swinging pathways in the branches. A lot of the smaller creatures choose to make their homes in the roots of the raccoon trees, as their territorial border patrol keeps out aerial predators and the occasional rogue fox. Unlike the cheetahs, the raccoons are small enough they have enemies to worry about, and are known to have an exceptional and disciplined military.

The bear clans live high up in the craggy woods working their gardens, rather indifferent to what happens below and the rumors that they eat their visitors.

The foxes do not have any form of government or organization. Some live in groups and some alone, some pledge a mammal free diet and some hunt their neighbors. As such they are not trusted by anyone. :/

Here is a map I drew up:

A few things are unnamed and the scale is a bit off but you get the general idea of layout. 👍

About twenty years before the story begins:

Down from the Northern pine woods a clan of foxes comes. They are organized, armed, and angry, ready to claim some territory after being chased out of the north by the wolf clans. Most of the southern foxes come to join their cause, pleased at the idea of them having utter lordship over the woods. Skirting around the great cats, they infiltrate the woods to the west and south after establishing themselves in the North. This was done easily with no opposition due to the small critters having no leader. They just swept in and conquered.

With this done they turn their attentions to the East. The raccoons have watched this all happen with great alarm. King Cynric gathered his men in preparation of the attack, but still wasn't ready for the craftiness of the foxes'. They came in great numbers from the south, engaging the king's soldiers in the clash of battle, while stealthy individuals crept past the border guards and set fire to the trees. The wind and dry weather did its work, and the kingdom of raccoons fell to fire and bloodshed. Most died in the fires that destroyed their homes, the remainder of them fled under the guidance of their prince, only to fall at the mercy of their waiting enemies. Unprotected sows and their kits were slaughtered by the sword or captured and enslaved in the ruins of their home and all across the newly conquered forest.

This song really fits the burning of East Wood and Rowan's side of the story.

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Prince Rowan, however, rebelled at the enslavement of his people. With his father the king now gone, he was left the protector of his people and despite his wife's urging, could not lay down in submission. He gathered a small team of close friends and willing boars, bid his wife farewell, and left, hoping to gain more information on the foxes' plans and find a way to free his people. Him and those with him were never heard from again.

The cheetahs watched all this happen around them, and decided not to interfere, but rather formed an uneasy alliance with the foxes. They didn't consider themselves in any danger of being conquered, but weren't bothered by their actions and wanted to avoid the bother of war. The foxes were more than eager to sign peace with the cheetahs, knowing in that their conquest would be secure. It is unknown whether the bears up in their western mountain range are even aware of the dramatic changes to the lower-lands.

The woods are now in an awkward state of affairs, the foxes holding a tyrannical rule over all their subjects. Soldiers are stationed in every town and village to "keep the peace", the inhabitants going about their lives in the fear they or one of their family members will be chosen as the next meal. Most of the Southern foxes still prefer a mammal free diet, but one of the Northern invaders' main objectives is to secure easy prey for consumption.

The "free" creatures are allowed to live their lives "as they would please", but have limited allowance to travel and must give payment at the end of every week to their resident "guardians". This payment can be anywhere from a basket of wheat berries or a bolt of cloth to an older child.

The raccoons have a far stricter control placed over them, as they are viewed more capable of revolt. Scattered across the foxes' open woodless territory small slave towns hold the remnants of Cynric's kingdom. They spend their days working for their masters, boar and sow alike, tending fields, cooking and cleaning, mining, etc. They are kept under strict control with heavy penalties for disobedience. Their meal times are regulated, their sleep times, work times, housing, children, everything. It is in one of these dusty, dead towns Joden grows up in.

His mother is old enough she remembers what life was like in the old kingdom, remembers a life of freedom under the trees. Joden's father died shortly after the foxes' attack, he is told later he was one of the faithful boars that accompanied Prince Rowan for his last stand. She raises Joden on these tales, urging him to never give up the hope that they can one day be free.

It is for his mother's sake Joden's intense optimism grows. Can he truly be considered a slave if he goes about his work with a smile and a song? If he willingly puts on the yoke and carries the load they have required, who is the one truly in control here? They can enslave his body but they cannot enslave his spirit.

As he gets older he also grows bolder. Just being cheerful to lift his mother's spirits is not enough. He wants the entire slave town to be free in the way he is. They all go about their days in unnecessary gloom, only because they lack someone to lead them out of it. By the time he reaches maturity the entire town looks to him as their leader, hoping that someday a hero will come to set them free and lead them home. He stands in for them against the cruelty of their masters, fighting for the justice of his small community of raccoons. This often gets him into a good bit of trouble, which he somehow always manages to get out of and back home to his worried mother.

He meets Twylla when she is relocated from another slave town by stepping in when a few of the slave masters decide to teach the new coon a lesson. The girl had made no grave offense, just a slip in her understanding of the schedule this different camp functioned under. It was a great surprise to her when a random coon detached himself from the troop marching past, and demanded they punish him in her stead. He would take responsibility for the sow and her actions throughout her initiation and teach her obedience to their rules, all her mistakes laid to his shoulders instead. This was agreed to, as they had nothing in particular against the new coon but did enjoy taking out their boredom on Joden who usually escaped from any attempts against him. Twylla really had no idea what to think of any of this. She helped him up off the ground with repeated apologies he gently brushed off. She very willingly trotted along after him as he taught her not only how to function in this new town, but also how to hope. Then later they get married. :3

Jaceryn is the son of a Cheetah land baron. He has been raised in the lap of luxury, his father being the wealthiest of the barons and the cheetah's current elected leader. He is a rather naive boy who has never left his Father's estate, but naturally has big plans on how he will make the world a better place. He has grown up in a world where the foxes have dominion of all the forest outside his Father's control, and this is normal, but he doesn't understand what that means until he sees it for himself. They have little raccoon slaves all over his Father's land that they purchased from the foxes, so the concept of raccoons being a race of slaves is kinda engrained in him. There's no such thing as a "free raccoon".

His mother instructed him to stay on his father's estate when he plays outside, but one day he gets curious like young boys do, and decides to venture into the trees. He really likes the way the forest feels and goes deeper and deeper, thoroughly enjoying himself when he hears voices and decides to investigate. He comes across a raid in a woodland village, the fox overlords collecting their taxes. He sees the children ripped from their mother's arms, the weeping villagers, the carts of goods and the miserable raccoon slaves pulling them, and the jeering, laughing faces of the fox soldiers and the injustice burns within him. It is true the foxes defeated them in battle, so the captives are their spoils of war, but this is unnecessarily cruel oppression and he hates it. He hates that his own people- free people- are doing nothing to change this and he resolves to be the one that frees the slaves. His parents are told this scheme by their proud little thirteen year old and are very quick to try and dissuade him. Not only is this a dangerous task for him to undertake, but this also holds the possibility of starting a war that neither of them wish to fight. Jacer agrees to "abandon" the dream to put his parents fears to rest, but secretly continues plotting and preparing his coup. It would be risky, and he would need to be sneaky. Break into a camp and take out the guards, let the little coons run free…

He went on frequent trips out to the forest to swing around in the branches and practice creeping silently through the underbrush. The other cubs his age wrote him off as a weirdo, so he went alone. His father eventually began to worry about him on these trips, remembering how impulsive his son can be at times. It had been years since Jacer had talked about his quest to end slavery and had shown no signs that he still held that belief so his father thought nothing of purchasing Jacer his own personal slave. This slave's job would be companion and voice of reason and just general personal servant.

This is probably where the actual story would start lol, so all that is setup. XD

I'll share more as I finish writing it, cause I'm really excited about this story. :3

#joden #jacer #text #writing #anthro #original story #original character #oc #cheetah #raccoon #fox #map #if anyone else wants to get tagged in these posts lemme know 👍#deepwood

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