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mindful-of-ideas · 11 months

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Headcanon: Peaky Blinders

-Being the second youngest Shelby and being really close to John and Esme (fem!reader)

A/N: requested by anon right here, thanks again! Sorry for being a little late, I hope you like it.

As a kid, John always tried to shelter you. All of your brothers did, maybe trying to protect your innocence for just a bit longer, but John was the one who was trying the hardest. Arthur just didn’t know how and Tommy, as much as he wanted to shelter you, needed to make sure the rest of the world wouldn’t eat you right up.

Not having a mother was really hard. Sure, you had Polly and Ada, but it never felt like having a real mom.

Still, your childhood was filled with beautiful memories. You remember the boys taking you and Finn out whenever they could. You would go to the beach or just run in a field of flowers. Every day out of Birmingham was like a blessing to you. You couldn’t stand its ashy damp streets and its misery that seemed to seep out of every crack in the walls. John was always there to make sure you wouldn’t forget those beaches and fields.

“Y/N!” John called out coming up to you and Finn sitting on the ledge of the bridge, throwing rocks in the water. “What?” you asked, trying to slick back your hair that was getting frizzy from the humidity. “Look what I got for you,” he said pulling out the prettiest seashell out of his pocket. “Wow! It’s for me?” “Of course!” he said stuffing it in your hands and ruffling your hair.

Seeing you happy was enough to make him smile.

Then John got married and had children, and already you could feel the two of you drifting apart. You hated that. You hated it because you were jealous of his kids. You, you were his kid for so long and now you could see how easily you could be replaced. You hated it because those kids had a mom, which you could never have. But mostly, you hated it because you felt so bad about being jealous that you were the one who decided to put some distance between you and John. But it didn’t last very long.

“Y/N? Come here!” John said, hearing you walk in the house, “Come here I said!” he said grabbing your wrist and pulling you towards him, “Come sit with me for a second, will you? We barely talk anymore, what’s going on?” He pulled you onto his lap “I don’t know…” you said, “Why would you even want to talk to me anymore…” you mumbled. “What was that?” “Nothing…” “Y/N?” he said putting his hand on your head and pulling you close to his chest. “You’ve got your own kids now, why would you spend your time caring for me?” “I will never stop caring about you, Y/N. You’re.. you’re like my own kid, okay? Don’t ever forget that.”

After that, you stop being afraid to hang out at John’s place and you grow quite close to Martha too.

But that all stopped when the war started.

You got really scared when John was sent away to fight. It felt like the world had decided to rip away the only beautiful thing in your life. You were scared that everything was going to go dark while he was away. And what if he never came back…

While John was away, you were always around to help Martha. You helped her with the groceries, watched over the kids or even cooked. She was really nice to you too. She would brush your hair, braid it, let you try on makeup, and dance with you in the kitchen.

But John came back and she was the one who ended up leaving you. It was really hard on you. You stayed locked in your room for days, barely coming out to eat. John would sit in front of your door trying to coax you out. You could hear him cry sometimes. And you cried too. Because you missed Martha. Because you wanted to be there for the kids. Because you were supposed to be the one making John smile.

You got out of your room, slowly sitting down on the floor by John’s side. You weren’t crying anymore, but couldn’t really bring yourself to smile. You rested your head on his shoulder. “Do you remember her favourite song?” you asked quietly. “Of course I do,” he said,” she will dance to it all the time. You did too.” “So did you,” you added. “Maybe we could put it on… and dance…” “I think I would like that…”

At first, you were completely against John marrying Esme. Why would he marry someone he doesn’t even know! And why replace Martha! You understand it, of course, from a business and strategic point of view, but that’s all.

It doesn’t take long for you to notice how happy John is with her. So as much as you want to hate her, you can’t bring yourself to do so. When John finally presents you to her, you can’t hide how happy you are.

“Y/N, this is Esme, my wife,” John said proudly. “Hi,” you said, waving your hand shyly. “So you’re the famous Y/N,” Esme said, crouching to be on your level. “Famous?” you asked curious. “Yeah, famous,” she said pushing back a strand of hair behind our ear, “John can’t shut up about you, acting like a proud dad and stuff.”

And that was enough to make you fall in love with her. After everything, the war, Martha’s death, you felt like you were going back to your old self. You were happier than ever, always smiling and ready to help out.

Esme was really grateful for you too. John’s kids were still young, and seeing you close to Esme, trusting her, made them feel more comfortable around her. Very much like Martha, she took care of you, but unlike her, she wasn’t trying to keep you in the house. She would push you to go out and explore the world on your own.

You could tell something was wrong when her cocaine addiction was getting out of hand. You tried your best to be kind to her but she always seemed down and moody.

“Esme,” you said unsure. “What is it, sweetie?” “You… you… you look like you’re not feeling well,” you finally said. “I’m okay,” she mumbled, “don’t worry about me.” “But I can’t help it!” “Come here,” she said, quickly wiping and tear from her face, “Come on, smile for me, you’re our ray of sunshine aren’t you?” “Yeah…” you said smiling weakly, “But Esme, I really am worried…” “Shhh, let me do your hair for you,” she said spinning you around, “That will put a smile on your face, right?

Moving to the countryside estate is probably the best thing to ever happen to you. Esme was the one to invite you, saying that this could be your first step to getting out of Birmingham. It feels like living in a childhood memory. You would enjoy long walks in the field with the dog, drinking tea on the terrasse and watching the sunset over the trees. You were older now, of course, but you would still fall asleep to John telling stories to his kids.

It all gets destroyed, torn apart, when John is killed. A big red stain is spreading across your perfect life. You can’t stay there anymore, it makes you feel sick. You try going back home, spending time with Finn, then going to Ada’s, but nothing seems to be working. You start to spiral down

If people doubted you were a Shelby, they believe it now. You’ve been up to all sorts of troubles, petty crime, drinking, and fights, but nothing could fill the hole in your chest. Ultimately, you wound up getting a bunch of guys really pissed off. Something about you being a prude or something. You were so drunk by then that you could barely remember what they said. You could however remember how scared you were when they cornered you in an alley near the Garisson. You could remember how badly you wanted John to just show up and get you out of there.

It was Esme you showed up. She had been looking for you ever since you left the countryside estate. She brings you back home and tends to your wounds, making you feel at home once again.

“I didn’t mean to cause that much trouble,” you said. Esme was finishing up the bandage on your arm. “It’s alright Y/N,” she said,” don’t worry about it.” There was a long silence before any of you spoke again. “Why are you doing all this?” you finally asked. “Cause I care about you,” she said, picking up a hairbrush and sitting behind you. She was taking her time, slowly detangling the knots in your hair. “But…” you started, not knowing what to argue. “Cause you’re like my kid,” Esme said, cutting you, “And I’ll be there for you no matter what!” You turned around, suddenly hugging her. “I love you,” you whispered in her ear. “I love you too,” she whispered back hugging you tighter.

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