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dyns33 · 3 years

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Blue Monday

The Rook... not AU!

Sorry, I wanted to write about Gestalt. The Rook Fandom being dead, I'm not sure to write more about it, but it was fun. Also today is blue monday. I didn't know it was a thing. I mean, last year almost everyday was a blue 'monday', so I don't feel any difference. I hope everyone is alright !

It had been four years since Myfanwy Thomas had left. Sometimes she sent a card, to give some news, to say that she was fine, that she sometimes had a few flashes of her past, but that she was happy and she did not want to come back, for the moment.

No one ever answered her that it was not necessary to send these letters, because the Checquy continued to monitor her, to verify that she was not disclosing compromising information, that she was not using her powers, and that no one tried to kidnap her. It was probably better that she didn't know it, in order to have a more or less normal life.

Gestalt was trying to come to terms with this. It was her choice, the choice of the new Myfanwy. They had to remember that she was no longer the girl they had known in Glengrove. That it wasn't her they had loved, not her they had in their bed. If she had kissed them, if she had flirted with them, it was so that they wouldn't ask questions. Thanks to this ploy, they had taken a long time to discover her amnesia.

Part of Myfanwy, because of the flashes, remembered them, their relationship, but they didn't want her to force herself to feel things that she wouldn't have felt without those memories. They had to accept that she was gone, dead but not dead. They were smiling as they read that she was happy, that was the most important thing, even if it wasn't with them. At least it wasn't with Bristol.

They hadn't planned to meet anyone else. The mistake with Monica Reed was nothing more than that, a mistake. The American agent hadn't been upset, to her that didn't mean anything either, and she had left without looking back. Apart from missions where Gestalt had to seduce a target, sometimes sleeping with them, there was no physical contact. And there was never any emotional engagement. For so long they had loved Myfanwy, to no avail, they never wanted to suffer like this again. They couldn't see who could love them anyway.

(Y/N) was new at the Checquy, she worked mainly in the archives and she quickly became friends with Ingrid, who introduced her to Gestalt. Eliza first, because Eliza was the one that made people feel the least uncomfortable, especially women, then Robert, their most attractive body from what they understood, and finally the twins Teddy and Alex. They didn't explain how they worked to her right away, preferring to get to know them first. It was then very weird to learn, as she confided in Eliza, that unlike everyone else, (Y/N) had not noticed Robert at all.

"It's weird because he's your brother but..."

"I know, he's handsome."

"He's mostly adorable. His hair… and his outfit. Would Teddy have the same hair if he didn't use hairspray ? Because curls are so cute."

"Wait, you are talking about Alex ?"

"Yes !" muttered (Y / N) hiding her face with her hands. "Of course Robert and Teddy are very attractive, you too, but Alex... His little smile, his big eyes. I'm melting. But please, don't tell him !"

It was funny, because Gestalt had had almost the same discussion with Myfanwy in Glengrove, but she had crushed Robert. Almost no one was interested in Alex among their four bodies. Maybe it was the one they had used with Monica, but she just wanted to fuck, which didn't really matter. It was touching that (Y/N) wasn't like everyone else, and Gestalt hoped she would surprise them again. She did. She didn't seem shocked, or disgusted, or upset when she found out the truth. She didn't ask a lot of embarrassing questions, for them to prove that they were just one person. She just pouted, stomping.

"So... you know... what I said about Alex."

"Yes."

"Should I be embarrassed ?"

"It depends. I must be flattered or upset ? Because you complimented Alex's looks a lot, and Teddy's, a little Robert, not really Eliza, and you didn't say anything about my personality, so..."

"I like you. Very much." she admitted, biting her nail.

The same habit as them. A bad habit, Myfanwy always told them. Smiling, they took her hand to stop her and Alex kissed her on the cheek.

They didn't date right away. First because (Y/N) needed some time to adapt, and she wanted to know Gestalt, the real Gestalt, before knowing if they could be more than friends. It was already a lot for them that she considered them as friends. Gestalt had never had many friends. When they finally got closer to someone, they tended to panic, not knowing what to do or say to be appreciated, on the contrary what they should not do or say in order not to seems weird. They attach themselves very quickly, too quickly, and they often suffer when the person doesn't feel the same way after all.

"Oh Gestalt... People can be horrible, even without doing it on purpose. They probably think that since there are four bodies, you could just go to your siblings to be consoled, to feel less alone, but... They don't see that it's just you. And that you went through a lot of horrible things to get to control all your bodies to make it look like there were four people, and you're so good at it, that even those who know it get tricked sometimes, and... Are you crying ?"

"No."

"Gestalt, I can see Robert in the kitchen, even though he's hiding, you're crying. Did I say something wrong ?"

"... No one ever understood. Even Myfanwy. She differentiated our bodies, but she often forgot what we were, what I was."

After what had happened with Myfawny, honesty had become an indispensable thing for Gestalt, so they hadn't hidden anything from (Y/N), not even the love they had felt for their old and now lost friend. They reassured her right after by swearing that it was over, that they had gotten over their mourning, that they knew she was not coming back and that even if she did come back, she wouldn't want them, they wouldn't want her, since she was a new person, and they were totally free and open for a new relationship. With her, if (Y/N) wanted it too. She jumped into their arms, agreeing to believe them, at least Gestalt hoped so. For several months, everything went very well, until Ingrid's little blunder. They weren't immediately sure what it was when (Y/N) approached Robert with a smile, settling next to him on the couch, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Have you ever... had problems concentrating when you're with me ?"

"What? "

"I don't know, a body that falls or stammers while I'm with another one. Concerns about compartmentalizing because we... you see."

"No, never. Why ?"

She didn't say anything, but in her eyes they could read that she was disappointed. A little hurt too. Like Eliza, who was the face they used to hide their emotions, she forced herself to smile, stopping looking at them and refusing to continue this conversation, saying it wasn't important. At the same time, at the office, Ingrid nervously announced to Alex that she had perhaps done something stupid with (Y/N).

"I told her about Myfawny. I'm afraid she'll compare, or think that you are comparing."

"I don't see why she would, I already told her everything about Myfawny, there is no secret between us."

"Really ? She looked a little surprised, but I might have been wrong."

It took several hours for Gestalt, who were busy because of several missions at the same time, to think back to what their lover had said, her exact words, and finally to understand, forgetting to breathe for Robert, rolling her eyes for Eliza, slapping his forehead for Alex and biting his thumb for Teddy, who was home with her. Why did it have to be Teddy ? He was the worst at chatting calmly, with tact and gentleness, unable to smile without seeming to wince. But they had to have this discussion. They had forget about this detail. It was not a secret, they just forgot.

"You were talking about my car accident." he sighed.

"I said it wasn't important."

"It is."

"Look, it really doesn't matter. You don't love me as much as you loved Myfanwy, but that doesn't mean that you don't love me. Yes, I'm a bit hurt, but I know that it's over, we're together now, I'm not replacing her. I shouldn't have talked about this."

"If you're scared, or have doubts, you need to tell me about it. That's what couples do."

It was (Y/N)'s turn to sigh before leaving the living room. Why did it have to be Teddy ? Even though Gestalt was still Gestalt, each of their bodies had different habits, characteristics, and ways of functioning. In this situation, Robert would have been the gentle and understanding boyfriend. Alex would have looked sorry, with his sad puppy look, relaxing the atmosphere with a silly joke. Eliza would have been the best, as always, finding the right words to reassure (Y/N). Not Teddy, even if he wanted it more than anything. Beneath his serious and cold air, he was the most sensitive, never responding to stress in the right way.

"I just want to understand why you think that." he said following her. Shut up, Gestalt thought loudly. Wait for the others. Don't complicate things. "Do you think I'm comparing ? I told you I forgot Myfanwy, don't you believe me ? You think I lied to you ? I don't see how our relationship can work if you don't trust me and that you don't confide in me."

"I'm sorry, I said I knew it was stupid."

"You say that, but how do I know if you really mean it ?"

"And how do I know you really forgot Myfanwy ?!" she cried, looking him in the eye. They were full of tears. "You say it, you swear it, but... If she comes back ? If she recovers her memory ? If she tells you that she loves you ? If she touches you, kisses you, and like last time it messes you so much that you can't compartmentalize anymore ? I can't compete with her ! You have known each other for years, she was your best friend, your first love ! And yes, I know, maybe she won't come back. Maybe she won't want you. Maybe when you see her, you won't feel anything anymore. But I can't be sure until it happens, so I'm going to live, praying that it doesn't happen, hoping you'll always love me and knowing that unlike her, I don't make you have a car accident when I kiss you, even if I don't want you to have an accident because of me ! Are you happy ?!"

The other bodies were too far away. Teddy had to deal with this situation. Shit. Slowly, awkwardly, he went to hug (Y/N), stroking her back and kissing her forehead, while letting her sob, scream and even hit him. Gestalt deserved it a bit. They should have shut up, instead of insisting, but it was better if she was honest. At least she didn't doubt their feelings, she didn't doubt hers either, but she was afraid that they would always prefer Myfanwy. And how could they prove to her that she was wrong ?

"Transdermal neurotransmission."

"... What ?"

“This is Myfanwy's EVA. When she touchs people, she can access their nervous systems, their muscles, their brains… She can multiply the sensations. Even though I loved her, I think that it was mainly because of that that I was no longer able to compartmentalize when she kissed me. She did not always control her powers, especially when she had very strong feelings. It is not because I'm not hurting myself when we're together that I love you less than her."

"Oh... really ? I... I feel ridiculous."

"If it's reassuring to you, my other bodies are in total panic, I'm trying to quickly finish my work to get home as soon as possible."

"You don't have to, one body is enough."

"Maybe but Teddy... isn't very good."

"I find him quite competent." smiled (Y/N), sticking to him. "Although I imagine you won't want me to play with your hair and I'll have to wait for Alex or Eliza for that."

"Please no... Or just a little."

When Robert, Eliza and Alex finally arrived, they could see the disaster on Teddy's head, who hadn't wanted to look at himself in a mirror. Very satisfied, (Y/N) continued to have fun spiking his hair, not having managed to get the hairspray out to see the pretty curls she loved so much on Alex.

"I never let anyone ruffle Teddy's hair like that." Eliza sneered, massaging her shoulders.

"Never ?!"

"No." Robert said, handing her a cup of tea.

"Anyone ?"

"Anyone." Alex swore, kissing her.

If they had known that it was enough to say that, and to let her do whatever she wanted with their hair to reassure her, Gestalt would have done it from the start. That night, they didn't think of Myfanwy once, their attention totally focused on (Y/N) who was braiding Eliza's hair, after ruffling Robert's and saving Alex's for last.

#the Rook #the rook starz #the chequy files #gestalt #eliza gestalt #robert gestalt #alex gestalt #teddy gestalt #gestalt x reader #myfanwy thomas #I love Alex #he's my fav #and Teddy too #but they are twins so

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