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my-brothers-corrupted · 2 months

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My Brothers, Corrupted

Book Five: Section Thirteen

The brothers start to settle into their new house. Jackie finds someone he's been missing. Masterlist

Tws for abandonment issues, some self-hatred, and distress. Tws may not be completely exhaustive - keep in mind the heaviness of the fic and look out for yourself.

Thank you to @lehhoh7822 for taking the time to compile this book!

Anonymous asked:

How is rebuilding the mirror house going? Do you think it can be made livable again?

“Okay, so this can be rewired.”

“Yeah.”

“So I can get wifi working again soon.”

“Really?”

“And electricity, you just need to replace the wires for a new oven and fridge.”

“And the house is - ”

“House is sturdy enough. Obviously the upstairs will need to be redone completely. It’s possible though. How did you create this, Marvin?”

“I think I just took a real house in a real forest somewhere and moved it into a mirror dimension,” laughs Marvin.

David shakes his head up at him, which only makes him laugh more. He offered to come by and check the place out after reminding Marvin that he was a carpenter, and now they’ve made a day of it: Stacy is in the yard with Chase and the kids, playing games, more of the Irish magicians have come with some food and housewarming gifts, and Marvin’s brothers are either exploring, mingling, or sitting in the back bedroom watching everything going on from the window because he shouldn’t be exerting himself too much with a knife wound in his shoulder.

“Thanks for your help,” says Marvin warmly.

“Just glad you’re back,” replies David, straightening up and towering over Marvin, a huge hand coming down to pat his shoulder. “I do hope you’ll feel up to taking charge again soon.”

“With your help, I’d love to,” replies Marvin. “I’ve already got some ideas for where we go from here.”

“I shudder to think.”

They laugh and move back towards the outside of the house, watching Hunter run past them with a shriek, his dad following after him and trying to snag him up into his arms. JJ is sitting out by the trees where they buried the cats the other day, shaking a stick for Noodle to leap up and try to grab. Henrik chats with Stacy and his niece. Some of Marvin’s magicians are dragging wood into a lonely old fire pit.

“Give us a flame, Marv!” someone calls, and he smiles and moves over to light the fire for them to have some s'mores.

It’s a beautiful evening and the wind is warm through the trees. Squirrels bound through the branches and crickets are chirping.

“Hell yeah, we can rebuild,” says Marvin. “Everything. All of it. Yes.”

Anonymous asked:

When this all started, we had no idea you'd come this far. Scared twins, black hoodies, blood and bandages, charcoal angels, falling down stairs, dark basements... Look at you all now. You're home. You're safe, loved, warm and fed and free. You've done it. Brothers, but not corrupted. I'm so proud of you.

Marvin feels a heavy, warm weight settle over his back, and he looks up to see Jackie draping himself over his shoulders, tired but grinning. Marvin chuckles and reaches out to guard the fire as Hunter comes sprinting towards it as fast as his little legs will carry him, only to be scooped up by Chase before he gets too close.

“Oh, you little monster!” cries Chase, blowing blubber kisses into his stomach. “You little trouble-maker!”

Hunter howls with laughter and kicks his legs. Izzy runs over for attention too, followed by Henrik, and Chase scoops her up as well.

“JJ, come here, then, love,” calls Marv. “Don’t be sitting all shy by the cats when we’re all here.”

Jameson sticks his tongue out at him, but then complies, coming to sit beside him and Jackie.

“Need some flowers out there for their little graves,” he says.

Marvin hums, turning to look at the overturned earth. He reaches down to steal JJ’s hand and points towards the graves, stretching their fingers out together.

“Right there?” he asks.

JJ grins and nods.

“What type would you like, my darling?”

JJ thinks for a moment, his head resting against Marvin’s knee. “Maybe… crocuses. And some white roses by the trees, just cause you always got me white roses. And tulips.”

“Tulips?”

“Yeah,” says JJ, nodding. “They’re perennials. They will grow back with every year that comes. Orange ones, maybe?”

“Orange tulips,” says Marvin, stretching out his hand. “For every year that comes.”

He pulls open seeds beneath the earth and flowers bloom up in sunlit bulbs and petals.

Chase is lying on his back with Izzy and Hunter on his stomach, pointing the kids towards Uncle Marvin’s little miracle. Jackie sits down beside Marvin, smiling as the flowers come up, and Henrik plops down between the four of them, closing his eyes as the wind runs through his hair.

“Scared twins,” he mumbles. “We used to hide by the window. Even afraid of Red and Dapper.”

“But we had each other at least,” says Chase, grinning. “And we got the rest of you back along the way.”

“My black hoodie!” laughs Jackie. “I forgot… what happened to it? I think it burned somewhere. Or I just preferred the ones from Marvin and Max.”

“I’m just glad I don’t have to be drawing charcoal angels and hiding my bruises all the time anymore,” says JJ. “I’m much better these days, aren’t I? Do I look better?”

“Yes,” they agree, almost all the same time, and it makes all of them laugh a little.

They all look better. Fatter and less pale, with soft, brushed hair and clean faces. Henrik has a pair of new glasses, unbroken and fitted to his face, and the last of his injuries have scarred over. The summer sun has brought Chase’s freckles out and Marvin’s hair is long enough for him to pull back now, still white as snow, though he could dye it if he wanted to. He’s rather attached to it now, though. To his scars. To his body. He looks like himself again, in his own eyes.

“Who wants s'mores?” sings Stacy, pulling open a bag of marshmallows, and the kids shriek and go racing up to get one. Chase laughs. He expects they’ll all have one here in a minute as well. Stuff their mouths with sticky sugar and chocolate and get graham cracker crumbs in their beards.

JJ has laid back to look up at the sunset. Henrik is humming to himself, relaxed before the flame. Marvin and Jackie sit side-by-side, resting together.

“It’s strange,” says Chase. “I guess I thought there would be a moment a few weeks in where I realized I was okay again, and normal and whole, and that everything that ever hurt me would be in the rearview mirror. But it’s quite day-by-day, huh? And we’ll never be quite the same. I still got so fucking much to work on with myself.”

“We all do,” says Marvin, setting his head down on Jackie’s shoulder. “Don’t we?”

“I’m still a wreck,” agrees Jackie, and they probably shouldn’t laugh, but they do, Jackie included.

“No, I’m a lot better,” he recants. “But… yeah.”

“Although, in all honesty,” says Henrik, shrugging. “I think that I could stay like this, yes? I want to keep moving forward, healing, improving. But for the first time in so long, we get to have some peace too. Really, what else could I have asked for but this?”

He remembers scared twins, black hoodies, blood and bandages, charcoal angels, falling down stairs, and dark basements. He remembers Dok.

He wonders how that past self of his would react, but after a moment, he realizes he’s right: Dok would never have asked for anything but this.

“It makes me kind of scared,” Jackie says, frowning around at them.

“Oh?” asks Henrik, who had just been feeling particularly content. “Why?”

“Where do we go next?” asks Jackie. “Where do I go next? What if I mess this all up?”

scunneredzombie asked:

Ey Marv, might be a good time to drop hints at that war against the British, hm? As for the others, Jackie I'd say keep going to therapy, buy some stim toys, and work on co-dependence. Trick, spend time with your kids, get a job, maybe get Tinder, and work on things with Dok, you guys have a lot to untangle. Henrik, maybe go back to med school! Who knows what you could be with even more fire for that genius brain. JJ, you could go to school too, or get a job caring for animals, maybe sell art commissions! There's so many possibilities for you now, it makes me dizzy!

“Oooh, I’m going to get Tinder!” giggles Chase, rolling onto his side. “I’m going out on all the dates, the stranger the girl, the better.”

“Absolutely you are not,” warns Jackie.

“Yeah, I am, I’m going to be such a whore, watch me.”

Marvin chokes on a laugh. Jackie shakes his head at his brother. “After what happened last week, you’re not going on a first date ever again without big brother there.”

“Nuh-uh, Jackie, then the girls will fall in love with you instead.”

Jackie blinks. “I’m so strangely flattered. What, you think I’m handsomer?”

“You have more muscle on you than I do,” mourns Chase. “I’m a skinny guy, look.”

“You could start working out with me.”

“Ugh, not worth it.”

“You’re not going on dates with anyone,” Marvin scolds Jackie. “What did they just say about co-dependence?”

“I did not even freak out when I heard, though,” whines Jackie, who had only narrowly avoided a violent rage when he was told about Jenna. “I am better. I let JJ go to that Theo guy’s house all on his own and I did not even text him more than twice. And when Henrik went to synagogue I was so good.”

“You do need something to distract you more, though,” sighs Marvin, patting at his hood. “I just worry about you. You still think you’re the big protector.”

“I am,” protests Jackie weakly. “I always will be.”

“I just want you to be able to be okay on your own, darling.”

“Why? Where are you going?”

“Nowhere, Jackie, just - ” Marvin shakes his head. “Just want you to be able to have something outside of us.”

Jackie leans back, frowning, and refocuses on Henrik and JJ, who are talking about work.

“I was thinking more about it and there are some jobs I could do without having to see blood and things like that that might be interesting,” says Henrik. “Or go into a whole new field, go back to school. Is good idea. I guess there really is a lot I could do.”

JJ grins shyly at the ground. “Well, the lady who runs my support group also works in disability accommodation programs, and she said - well, it’s maybe silly.”

“What? Jameson, tell me.”

“She said there is a farm nearby hiring and the whole family speaks sign and has worked well with the accommodation groups before, so maybe I’ll go for that… they have sheep! And she talked about other options as well, lots of things I could do, like it wasn’t even a problem…”

They all descend into chattering about work, excited to see JJ talking about the things he might like to do, and halfway through Marvin breaks into a speech about how they’re going to start reforming the UK magical society so JJ can do whatever he wants there as well, and soon they’re talking about so many different possibilities and so many different dreams they all have for the future. Jackie sits in silence, his eyes fixed on JJ: after so long stuck in despair, he gets to see his little brother hoping for something again.

But his mind drifts back to his own predicament. It’s wonderful to see them all so excited, but he does feel there might be something missing in himself. Is he going to be the one who’s left behind, the one who will end up dependent on them all for the rest of his life? How funny, that he should be the one who thought of himself as the most strong and independent, and now he’s the one still clinging so closely to all of them.

As for Chase, his mind is already settled on his future career, and what he thinks of instead is his family. He watches the kids racing around and stuffing their faces with chocolate, laughing and playing tag with each other. Stacy gives them kisses when they come close and watches over them. And for all that he joked about Tinder, well… his mind does come back to her, and to the thought of having a partner again.

Anonymous asked:

Hey Jackie! After so much trauma, you really just want to start taking it slow. Maybe start looking into psychiatrists for yourselves and getting on some medications that can possibly help PTSD. You all definitely need a break before completely reentering society, but... maybe even look into getting supplemental income from disability? Things will likely be rough for a while, and you might not feel like you're getting better, but i promise it'll hurt less someday.

Jackie is feeling strong enough to walk around a little today, and the fire and the noise begins to overwhelm him. He gets up and pads towards the forest, rubbing at his scalp and closing his eyes.

“I am scheduled to go see my therapist again,” he says, trying to be proud of it, because he knows it’s a good thing. “I will keep working hard. I hope the nightmares ease sometime soon, but they’ve shown no signs of stopping yet. And in my waking hours, I still get terrified - even just at random sometimes - that something bad is going to hurt them. I know it is the PTSD. But sometimes, even after all this, I still feel it isn’t quite real. Like I could wake up tomorrow and Anti would be there again. Maybe some medication, yeah. For the sleep, I suppose it could help…”

He shakes his head a little, staring at the ground. “Just sucks. I know how many times everyone has this conversation with me, again and again. But how am I supposed to let go of them when they’re all I’ve ever had?”

He squeezes his eyes shut. “Must listen to Marvin. He wants to help me find something to distract me more. Probably good. As for disability, I… I suppose I could. But I get so restless at home. I’m desperate for something to occupy me. Even work sounds so unappealing. There’s a part of me just wants to go back to being a crazy vigilante again.”

His laughter shifts the leaves of the trees. He rubs at his face and smiles at the ground, tired.

“If I could find something that made me feel like it was worth having some space from them, that I think would be really good. That would be really something. Feeling excited enough and safe enough that I could say ‘hey, they’re fine, they can handle themselves for a little while ’ - yeah, might be good.”

scunneredzombie asked:

Jackie your future is so bright, Astrifer. You just have to find your niche. Before you were ever Anti's you helped Schneep at the hospital, you worked on cases with Max, you helped Marvin with magician bussiness. Your life has always been about other people. What do /you/ like doing? There's endless options, as panic-inducing as that is... You might consider a form of public service, like volunteer firefighting or working at soup kitchens! Maybe find some online support forums for other autistic people so you can feel more accepted in that area. Making friends would be good for you! Go on walks, get coffee, work out, read books, paint, dance, sing, etc. Point being, you need to find things that belong only to yourself. What does Jackie like?

Jackie chuckles, perking up a little again. “Guess there is a lot.”

He toes patterns into the dirt beneath his feet, thinking to himself.

“Yeah, maybe I’ve just been so stuck inside my head for so long,” he supposes. “Like even just being allowed to run again felt like such a fucking blessing when it happened. That’s been the worst part of being injured, not being able to run. I think that Anti worked so damn hard to beat all the interests and enthusiasm out of me cause he found me so annoying. But I did used to love a lot of things. Maybe I just need to try more shit out, you know? Meet people again. Try volunteering and books and crafts and that sort of thing. I need more hobbies and interests again. Stim toys was a good idea as well, and just… maybe I just been hiding us all from the world cause it was so scary for so long.”

He laughs again, shaking his head. “I’m going to mooch off my little brothers is what I’ll do. They’re all being brave trying new things again. Maybe I’ll just tail along with all of them until I find something I like again, haha.”

There’s a pause before his voice continues, more serious.

“I think I was projecting onto JJ a little with all that stuff about finding it hard to see him as an adult. It was my own ableism and my own trauma. But he’s trying new stuff again and it’s going well. He carves out his own place for himself. I gotta be an adult like him as well. People aren’t going to punish me just for existing. Hell, if they try, I’d just have to keep going anyway.”

He turns about, looking back to the little group around the fire.

“Look at them,” he says, voice full of something that goes beyond warmth. “My family. If those little shits all think I’m worth loving… there’s something there.”

He bites his lip and looks back to tease you.

“And if you little shits all think I have a bright future… well, maybe there’s something there as well.”

Anonymous asked:

Are you a visual stimmer? Maybe looking into museums, especially kids museums would be a good idea! Theres always so much to do and look at and get excited for because theres museums for everything, and kids museums often have a lot of visually stimmy things!!

“Museums,” he muses. “Mh, yeah, I even love just coloring JJ’s art. And I did love when Marvin put on a movie for me, back when we were staying with Dark a couple days. Max, too, he… he knew I really loved movies. We ought to go hit a museum and see a movie as well, maybe. Although, I suppose I’m sort of… waiting for him.”

He plays with his fingers, solemn again. “I’d like to take him for a movie.”

There’s a pause.

“Robbed a museum once!” he continues cheerfully. “Very smooth operation, actually. Last time I was in one. Anti needed a knife.”

“Jackie.”

He lifts his head to see Stacy coming towards him. His posture stiffens a bit, but he doesn’t quite snarl at her like he’s done in the past. A couple weeks without her causing Chase any harm has done wonders for their relationship.

“Hi,” he says.

She gives him this small smile he recognizes by now.

“You called him?” he asks.

“He called me,” she says.

“Really? But that’s good, isn’t it? If he’s reaching out?”

“I think he was drunk,” she admits, stepping closer to him.

Jackie’s mouth tightens. He looks away. “Sad drunk?”

“Sad drunk.”

He goes back to patterns in the dark, eyes low.

“Jackie,” says Stacy. “All he talks about is losing you. He misses you like crazy.”

“He won’t believe us, though,” says Jackie softly. “That Anti’s gone. He even thinks you might be Anti. And the kids, too. No convincing him.”

“He had to lose you to him twice in a row, Jackie. And shit, I was hunted by that freak just for being Chase’s ex. Some of your brothers did lose people they loved because of him. You can’t blame Max, Jackie.”

“I don’t.” He laughs without humor. “Blame myself.”

“Well, it’s not his fault either,” Stacy replies crossly. “It’s Anti’s and no one else’s.”

Jackie doesn’t reply. They stand beneath the trees, quiet for a moment.

“Look,” she says. “He’s tearing himself apart over this. You have to stop it.”

“What can I do?”

“If you can’t convince him to come see you, then… you need to cut him loose.”

Jackie finally looks up at her, eyes burning. He shakes his head and turns away again, bitter.

Anonymous asked:

Max isn't the end-all-be-all of your ability to love. I know you missed him, and I know how much you love him, but Jackie sometimes when you love things you have to let them free and wait for them to come back to you. Your heart isn't owned by anyone, anyone at all. If you end up having to cut him off, give yourself some time for sure, but you can love again. You can find a new reason to live.

Jackie wipes at his face, not willing to look around again. Eventually, Stacy takes this as him being uncomfortable with her there, and she leaves him with some soft words, heading back towards the fire.

But Jackie doesn’t talk to you either. He swipes at his eyes and leans against a tree, hugging his arms around himself, cold now.

He learned to be selfless for the others a long time ago, even if he is clinging now. Thinking about Max, though, thinking about not even being able to see Max, to touch him one more time, to tell him ‘look, look, you were right! You saved me, I’m so glad you opened my eyes up again!’ - it makes him want to start screaming. Full-bodied tantrum. It makes him want to be selfish.

“He was going to be my husband,” he whispers finally. “He was supposed to own my heart.”

Fuck it, no, that’s not enough. He won’t even wait. He can’t. The restlessness is in him now, and the want, and the selfishness, fuck. Fuck it. He’s turning back and stalking back towards the fire, panting.

“Jackie? You good?” calls Marvin.

“Yeah,” Jackie calls back distantly. “Yeah, just. Just one thing I need to do.”

Anonymous asked:

If its healthy for you, maybe separation is a good idea. Sometimes it is “right person, wrong time” but… dont give up immediately

“Don’t give up immediately. Don’t give up. Don’t give up.”

His eyes flash to you. Away again. He moves back to his room and snatches their one phone - this one fucking phone, this one fucking line of communication - up off the dresser and dials Max’s number without hesitation. The bare ring makes his heart beat hard against the inside of his ribs. He looks at you again and then away. Again and then away. Not immediately. Not yet. Not ready to give up on him.

It rings for longer than it did the first time he called, but even now he doesn’t care. He’ll leave him a message if he has to.

The phone picks up.

Max doesn’t say anything.

Jackie sinks down onto his bed. He covers his mouth and closes his eyes.

“I can’t,” begins Max.

“No,” says Jackie roughly. “No, shut the fuck up. Sorry. Just. Shut up. One call, okay? Can I have one call to you?”

Max doesn’t say anything. But he doesn’t hang up either.

Anonymous asked:

Be selfish Jackie. Max and you are each other's hearts, he bought rings when he was leaving Peru. Don't give up on him, even if it is only one more meeting just to thank him. Anti was... sort of right about him being a unfinished loose-end. Even now he's a tricky knot. I think it would be good for both of you to see each other, to know how this part of the story ends.

“Can - can I say something selfish to you?” asks Jackie in an exhale. “No, don’t answer, I think I will. I will. You can hang up if you need to, Max, and I wouldn’t mind. You know there’s nothing in the world you could ever do to make me hate you. A motherfucking demon got his hands on me and twisted my head and shredded me into pieces and that still didn’t make me stop loving you, so I expect there’s nothing in the fucking world that could make me stop loving you now.”

A faint laugh, faraway. Jackie wonders if Max might be drunk again.

“You want this to stop?” asks Jackie. “You want this ghost to stop haunting you?”

A pause. A breath. “No,” whispers Max. “What would I do without the ghost of you?”

“Then fucking listen to me for ten minutes, you stubborn asshole. You must be damn clever to stay the hell away from me and I’ll have you know you’re a lot stronger than me too, because my dumb ass would have jumped into Anti’s traps a dozen times in a row just trying to find you on a hope and a prayer. That’s how I got caught in the first place, just leaping at the first clue I got trying to find Jameson. Running head-first into danger. You are smarter than me, baby, and it’s what’s kept you alive, so thank fuck for that. But you’re still haunted by me, because your heart’s just as fucking tied in knots around me as mine is around you, right?”

He thinks Max is crying.

“I fucking… I fucking hate this,” he says. “You jackass, fucking… This is hell, this is torture.”

Jackie shakes his head and grits his teeth, tears welling up in his eyes. “I’m not done talking.”

“Say something to make it better, then,” screams Max, breaking in half a hundred miles away. “Stop it, you and Stacy, you’re just taunting me, it’s just Anti!”

“And what if it is?” Jackie demands. “Who gives a fuck? I fucking need you here. You think I don’t know that I’ve broken your heart a hundred times over? You think I don’t know just how easily this could be Anti calling you? But I’m a selfish fucking bastard, Max. I could be leading you into a trap, and you know something? I would still do it even if Anti WERE here. Because I need to see you. My Tiger. Fuck, I - I need to… if I can’t have you back, I just need to touch you one more time, Max, I just need…”

Tears down Jackie’s face. He closes his eyes and listens to Max breathe, shaky, desperate breaths.

“Max,” he whispers. “Come here to me. You think that Anti’s here, that he’s going to kill you if you come. Come anyway. I need to touch you one more time. I’d really prefer to die with your ring on my finger. And then we can both rest. And you don’t have to be haunted by me anymore.”

There is a faint laugh. Closer now.

“Cause we’ll be ghosts together?” whispers Max.

And Jackie thinks to himself, no. We’re going to live to be old men and I will spend every day that comes trying to make you happy. Like nothing else matters. Nothing will haunt you again. I will chase the ghosts away.

“Yes,” he says. “You and me - we’re going to be ghosts together. Then there won’t be anything in the cosmos that can take me from your side again.”

“Jackie,” whispers Max.

“I’m here,” Jackie answers. “Max. It’s me. I’m here. Please come. I need to tell you I love you one more time.”

I need to make your pain stop.

A long pause.

A long breath.

Max’s voice steadies.

“Where are you?”

Anonymous asked:

I wonder if Max remembers the password to the mirror. He could see you all so happy and gaining your health back, all of you free like this.

“I’d trust him with the password,” says Jackie quietly. “He could stay with us if he wanted. We don’t have to be apart. If he could just see that we’re all okay… I can at least give him that much peace of mind. Even if it still doesn’t make him want me again.”

He chews at his nails, sitting on the stairs outside their apartment. The door’s open behind him and he can hear his brothers moving around as they carry their things into the house in the woods. They don’t have a lot, but Marvin says it will be good for them.

Jackie will stay in the apartment with his nightmares. He doesn’t want to wake them up.

“Noodle, no!” someone calls, and then there’s laughter as something comes crashing down inside the apartment. He listens to their chatter as if from far away.

He’s waiting for Max. He thought he would come today, but it’s getting late now and Max won’t answer his calls or texts. It’s been twenty-four hours since he called. He thinks maybe he changed his mind.

Anonymous asked:

I doubt he's changed his mind, that man loves you so much he sees your ghost, his soul can't give you up.

“Aww,” says Jackie, almost whimpering. “You think he - ?”

The footsteps a couple stairways below stop him from continuing. He stops immediately, still as a bird about to strike out at a fish.

A faint laugh somewhere below him.

“I heard you go quiet,” says a soft voice.

He gets to his feet, heart racing.

“Should I come down?” he asks after a moment.

“I don’t know,” says Max, his voice a little weak. “Is it really going to be you?”

“Yes,” he says, swinging around the bend of the stairs.

Max looks up at him from a few meters down, and even from here, Jackie can see the clear gold in his dark eyes.

The man in the tan coat who came with a steady hand to pull him out of trouble is not the way that Jackie remembers him. Max wears a t-shirt and work boots against his jeans, looking up at Jackie with glasses shoved over his worn face. He looks older. But still attractive to Jackie in a way no one else has ever been. Still beautiful. Still perfect.

“Hi, Tiger,” he says.

“Hi, Juice Box,” Max replies, very frail. “Come down here to me, okay? I’m scared to come up.”

Jackie races down the stairs towards him, nearly hurting himself all over again with the way it pulls at his stitches. But who cares?

Max.

Anonymous asked:

The world isn’t ending for either of you yet, but you better hug it out like it is. I think you both need it.

Jackie leaps down the stairs towards him, hearing a giggle burst out of his mouth. His heart beats so hard it hurts, and the stairs just disappear beneath him, until he’s -

“Jackie, Jackie,” Max sobs.

He’s in his arms again.

He’s in his arms again!

Jackie shouts and tries to lift him off the ground for a second before remembering the knife wound in his shoulder. He’ll have to settle for squishing him so fucking hard he’s sure he’s going to crack something, backing him up against the wall in his eagerness and shoving against him. He can breathe him again. He smells the same.

“Max, Max, Max.”

He’s just chanting his name like he’s lost it, beaming into his shoulder. But after a second, his smile fades away again, because Max is crying so hard Jackie can feel him steadying himself against Jackie to keep from falling over.

“Max - ”

“No, no,” begs Max.

Jackie shuts his mouth again. Max grabs at him - at his clothes, at his hair. Jackie lets him. Squeezes him against his body and lets him do whatever he needs to do. But it hurts, now, in a way it didn’t over the phone: the reminder of how much pain he’s put him through.

“Just hold on to me, don’t go,” cries Max.

Jackie holds on to him. Jackie doesn’t let go.

Anonymous asked:

You better kiss your man so hard Jackie, show him you're real by giving some loving. I'm sure he's missed you just as much as you miss him!

Jackie draws back from him slightly, trying to find his eyes. Max hides, burying his face in Jackie’s hoodie, gripping at his clothes.

“I am real, Max,” he says earnestly. “I’m sorry. For everything, Max, I…”

Max shakes his head against him. Jackie touches his hair, trying to pull his gaze up, but Max won’t look at him.

He remembers how they met last time: running from law enforcement after Jackie broke into a pharmacy, injured and scared. How Max saved him. How calm he was, how gentle. How familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, a warm and terrifying deja vu. Max saved his life and then resuscitated him: picked him out of the mud and made his heart beat again.

“I’ll show you all of it,” Jackie tells him. “Max? Look at me, okay? My brothers are upstairs. We’re all okay! Anti’s not here - ”

“No,” moans Max. “No. Stay here.”

“If you want to just see the others, I’ll show you - ”

“I don’t care about the others!” screams Max, voice breaking down the middle. “You fucking asshole! I can’t believe you talked to me like that - you get to be selfish? You want to hear me be selfish? I don’t give a fuck about the others!”

Jackie squeezes his waist, pulling him close again. Max shakes hard.

“I just want you to be able to see that you don’t have to lose me again,” whispers Jackie. “I can show you all of us free.”

“It’s a lie, it’s a lie!” rasps Max, and now, when he clings to him, Jackie realizes Max is trying to pull him down the stairs. “Come with me, before he sees! We have to go now or I’ll lose you again.”

“Max, he’s not here. I swear it.”

“You made promises before,” groans Max. “You were supposed to come home with me, you were supposed to come back to me.”

“I couldn’t leave them.”

“I don’t care,” cries Max. “Fuck it, all of it. You picked them over me. That’s my selfish. Come with me, now, please, cause I can’t risk going back up those stairs and losing you all over again.”

Anonymous asked:

Max!!!

“That’s the cameras, those are his cameras!” says Max, voice rising in pitch. “He’s watching you, I told you - ”

“No, no, it’s just the people who were watching, not Anti anymore, just - ”

“He can make you believe whatever he wants! The fact that you even remembered me was - ”

“Was the only thing I asked for when I ran back to him,” cries Jackie, pinning Max’s frantic hands against the wall. “Was the only thing that mattered in the whole fucking world other than my siblings.”

Max stares at him, tears dripping down his face. His expression is contorted, flushed with crying and dark with exhaustion.

“Are you sleeping at all, love?” asks Jackie, touching his hair.

“No rest there,” answers Max. “Nothing but nightmares now.”

Jackie stares at him. Touches his cheek. His mouth.

“Tried moving on,” whispers Max. “Tried to give you up. Are you angry at me?”

“No,” answers Jackie. “What else were you supposed to do?”

“I should have chased after you again,” says Max, pushing off the wall to touch Jackie’s neck, his hand wrapping around the back of it. It makes Jackie’s hair rise up. “Even if he did kill me.”

“Max, no one could have saved me but me,” Jackie tells him. His free hand has found Max’s. They seem to wrap together by their own wills. “Not til I was ready to fight. And you… I would never have gotten there without you. None of this - Max, look at me - none of this has been your fault.”

Max stares at him. His eyes are so huge and so dark. Jackie stares back at him. He’s never had a problem with eye contact - if anything, he stares too much. But Max looks back at him.

“But I’m here now,” Jackie continues. “I am, really. Me.”

“You.”

“Yeah.”

Max breathes something out that might be his name. Jackie’s never heard it said quite like that before. Like a prayer.

Anonymous asked:

Max, if not Jackie, will you listen to us? We watched Marvin kill Anti. He's gone, and he's never coming back. And if not us, then who will you trust when they tell you they're free? Your paranoia is justified, but this time it's wrong. Jackie is telling the truth.

Max’s eyes flicker down to you and then away again, nervous.

“Anti’s not watching through them any more than he was the first time you found me,” chuckles Jackie. “I promise.”

“Marvin killed him?”

“Yeah.”

“And the rest of your brother’s names?”

Jackie pauses for a second before he realizes what Max is asking. “Chase, JJ, Schneep.”

Max blinks, his long eyelashes wet with tears. “It is more than you knew last time.”

He pulls a neat little packet of tissues out of his pocket and wipes at his face.

“Where’s your luggage?” asks Jackie belatedly, glancing around.

“Look, I got on a plane and that’s about all the planning I did,” replies Max roughly. “Just fucking walked here from the airport.”

Jackie smiles at him and presses him back against the wall again. He doesn’t honestly know what this dance they’re doing is - back and forth, back and forth, pushing at each other. He supposes it’s just good to have each other close again.

Something about Max makes Jackie’s chest light. He looks at him and feels like some sort of secret path in a video game was just revealed to him. Some sort of future he wouldn’t even dream of having otherwise.

“Tell me what happened,” Max orders.

“Yes, sir,” says Jackie, grinning at him. “Come upstairs and you can see everybody - ”

“No, no!” cries Max, the fear back in his voice again. “No, Jackie, don’t go!”

“Okay. Okay. Don’t be scared, a chuisle.”

Max’s face darkens. A faint smile plays at his mouth.

“I’m your chuisle?”

“Of course you are. A chuisle mo croi.”

He smiles wide and beautiful. Jackie grins back at him, leaning gently in to knock their heads together.

Max’s arms wrap around his neck.

And then they’re just giggling like teenagers in the fucking hallway of Jackie’s apartment building, pressed up against the wall together. Max hugs him. Jackie wraps around him again, his gloved hand rising to find Max’s pulse in his neck.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

The pulse of his heart.

Max is whispering something in a language Jackie doesn’t speak. The warmth of their bodies has melted together. Max strokes his hair. Max speaks to him, warm words in his ear.

“Am I real, a chuisle?” asks Jackie.

“Jackie,” whispers Max. “Jackie. Come away with me. When we’re far away, I’ll believe you. If you’re free to go then you’re free. Don’t go. Let’s go home again. I’m so tired, Jackie. I want to sleep beside you again. Or maybe just lie awake and look at you.”

Jackie’s going to cry. He’s going to cry and scream and laugh and kiss him.

“Well… Max, I can’t just, like, leave.”

“Why?” chokes Max. “You left me before. I know he was there, I know you had to protect the others. But if it’s true and you’re free now, you can go. You can come away with me.”

Max’s mouth at his chin. At his cheek. His nose against his nose. He smells good. The same way he smelled curled up with him in a hotel in Colombia, playing Dermot Kennedy on his shitty phone speakers.

“Jackie. Come home to me. That’s all I want. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Meri jaan, meri Jackie. I’m still in love with you.”

Jackie feels the air fall out of him in a laugh, sweet and breathless. “Me?”

“You.”

“Max.”

Anonymous asked:

Max he's right, he can't just suddenly leave! He's still working on his co-dependency with his brothers, and they're moving back into the house in the mirror, if you remember it. They have plans and roots here now, Jackie can't leave with no way to get back. I know you don't care about the others right now, but he still does, that's his family.

“Oh, and I don’t?” asks Max, whirling on you. “I don’t have roots? I don’t have a home? I don’t have plans for my life?”

He turns back to Jackie, eyes burning again.

“You called me yesterday and told me to drop everything and come to you. You told me you needed me. So I came. Not for the first time, either. I chased you and your family for almost a year trying to find you. Put everything on hold for you and the others, Jackie. Ha, no, not even on hold, I let parts of my life crash and burn for you! And I don’t begrudge you that, I really don’t, and I love that you love your brothers. But you won’t put your life on hold for me? Not even once, not even now, when I’ve been in this much fucking pain for months? You won’t come stay with me? Just for a few fucking days, Jackie. Then I would know you were free and maybe I could have some goddamn peace for the first time in years now. Of course I’d help you get back if you wanted.”

“It’s not about my life, Max,” says Jackie earnestly, clutching his hand. “It’s about my family, I can’t just - ”

“Why not?”

Jackie looks at him blankly. “Why not what?”

“Why can’t you come home with me?”

“My siblings are upstairs,” says Jackie weakly.

“And they need you more than I do?” asks Max.

“Well - something could happen.”

Max face falls like he’s been hit. His mouth goes thin and stiff. His eyes drip. “Something could happen? Something could happen to them? Maybe? In the next few days? Could happen?”

“Max,” says Jackie.

Max pauses, breathes, composes himself. His eyes flutter shut and open again. But he steps back now. When Jackie reaches out, he doesn’t let him touch him.

“You’re not free,” he says, voice flat. “Even if Anti is dead, he’s still got a hold on you. Because even the thought that your brothers could need you in the next few days means more to you than the fact that I have needed you desperately for months and months now.”

“No,” says Jackie, trying to take him by the shoulders. “No, no, Max. I just - I need - I need you to come upstairs. Okay? Please?”

“I have work in a couple days,” says Max, with a dry, dead smile. “A therapy appointment, my nephew’s birthday. I’m not a side character in your story, Jackie. I’m supposed to be your partner. Or if you want to slow down and take some time, then I’m at least supposed to be your friend. But the truth is you’re never going to love anybody else as much as you love them. And I can’t keep breaking my heart watching you jump in front of trains for them while I get nothing but your free time and your side glances.”

Jackie stares at him, mouth open, but the words don’t come out.

“Do you not… do you not want to be with me anymore, Jackie? Do you not want to spend some time just with me? Do you not want to… to take care of me at all? And let me take care of you? You don’t want that?”

Jackie thinks he does want that, but - something could happen. Right? Something could happen! Doesn’t Max get that?

“Say something,” says Max, shaking his head at him. “If you don’t love me anymore, at least admit it. At least cut me free, Jackie. I swear to God you’re killing me.”

“Look, the cameras have a point about - ”

Max yanks the camera off Jackie’s lapel and throws you over the side of the apartment building, and that is your abrupt end to that conversation.

nikkilbook asked:

Yo, lads upstairs—can one of y’all grab like a bunch of Jackie’s clothes and things, throw it in a suitcase, and then all of you come downstairs? Max is here, and for both their sakes, I think Jackie needs to go with him. Jackie’s never going to be able to just grow out of his codependency—he going to need concrete, non-hypothetical proof that even if something does happen, you all can work through it like adults. He needs to go be something other than Big Brother, and he can’t do that around a bunch of Little Brothers, no matter how capable they may be.

“Oh?” says Marvin, perking up in the living room of the apartment. “What’s going on?”

The message is immediately passed around between the four of them, and before even thinking to comply Schneep and Chase are both hurrying out onto the balcony of the apartment and looking down the stairs.

“Oh! It is Max, that must be him!”

“Oooh, so handsome,” giggles Chase. “Yeah, Jackie, you can go have a vacation!”

Jackie and Max both look up. Jackie looks exasperated, but Max - Max looks terrified.

“No, Jackie, don’t go,” he cries, reaching out to grab his hoodie again. “Don’t go, please, I can’t - ”

“Max, I’m okay, I’m okay! I swear, I’m here, I’m right here…”

Schneep and Chase slink back guiltily. “Whoops.”

“What’s going on?” asks JJ. “I don’t get it.”

“I think Jackie’s friend is scared Anti is still here,” says Henrik. “He wants Jackie to come stay with him. Yeah?”

“Well, he could do that,” muses Marvin, peeking out over the ledge. “JJ, you said Max is trustworthy, right?”

JJ nods, although he doesn’t look quite as enthusiastic as Marvin.

“And if it would help, I would gladly pack him a bag,” chuckles Marvin. “But I think that needs to be Jackie’s choice.”

“Jackie doesn’t want to go with him?” asks Chase. “Why not? I thought they were kind of in love.”

Marvin shrugs. “I don’t know. He’s definitely always been very taken with him. But if he doesn’t want to go with him, well… he doesn’t want to go with him. I think it would be a bad choice, but it is Jackie’s to make.”

They hear crying and talking from down the stairs of the apartment. Max begs with Jackie. Jackie tries to reassure him. His voice is torn.

“I’ll tell you one thing,” says Chase, “if my kids hadn’t been able to come visit me for so long, you bet your ass I would have gone all the way to fucking Sweden to see them. I guess it’s not the same if he isn’t in love with Max. But that’s all I have to compare it to, and I’d go, even if I… even if maybe Schneep couldn’t come or something.”

Henrik grins at him. “I know. And that would be okay. But maybe Max is just asking too much of him. Jackie hasn’t been away from us in a long time.”

“Not wanting to go is a different issue than not being able to let us go,” says Marvin.

Jackie appears in the apartment a couple minutes later, looking pale.

“He’s just waiting for me downstairs,” he says. “I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you want to do?” asks Henrik.

Jackie’s mouth opens and closes. He looks down at the floor and doesn’t answer.

crystalninjaphoenix asked:

Jackie, I know something like this is hard. You're worried about everyone else, and how things will work without you. Not to mention this came out of nowhere. But... things will be okay. You have to trust your family, that they can handle things without you. And you need to figure out who you are when you're not around them. Same way Marvin did, when he left. Going with Max will be good for you. The others can contact you if there's an emergency. You need this. If you want it, of course.

Jackie looks around at them, his mouth dry. Maybe he does kind of want to go… but there’s so much that could happen! And if he wasn’t here…

Well, it would be bad! Somehow. He needs to be here. If JJ has a break, if Marvin becomes overwhelmed by his pain again, if Chase starts drinking, if Henrik goes numb.

But the last couple of weeks have been so good. Everyone’s been fine. He was the weak one, laid out in bed. And even when Chase got into trouble, he fought his way out and came home again, stronger for it.

“Maybe it just has been a little sudden,” he says shakily. “He doesn’t want to come upstairs. I thought it would be good if he did, but - ”

“Max is just scared!” says JJ with a sudden vehemence, and then, before Jackie can stop him, he’s racing out of the apartment and down the stairs.

Max turns to look at Jackie and starts so hard he actually puts his hand over his heart when he sees JJ instead.

“Jamie,” he gasps.

Jameson runs up to him and throws his arms around him in a full-bodied hug.

Max touches him back, and Jameson -

Jameson is still.

No more fear running our lives, he thinks to himself, tightening his grip on Max even though the touch seems to set his nerves alight.

He will be stronger and braver than the fear Anti left in him.

“Holy shit, you - you look so much healthier,” gasps Max, gripping at him. “Jameson, you’re - is he actually gone? Are you actually - ?”

Jamie grabs his hand and tugs him towards the stairs. “Come see!”

nikkilbook asked:

"If I could find something that made me feel like it was worth having some space from them, that I think would be really good. That would be really something. Feeling excited enough and safe enough that I could say 'hey, they're fine, they can handle themselves for a little while ' - yeah, might be good."

I think you know what you want, Jackie. And it’s okay to want it. It’s okay to need it.

“But - but I was just theorizing,” replies Jackie shakily. “I’m not there yet! I’m still… I’m still too scared, I - ”

Jamie is pulling Max up the stairs. Max looks like he might actually pass out, or maybe just decide to attack whichever one of them happens to look the most like Anti, but he does neither. He follows Jameson into the doorway of the apartment and looks around at them.

“Hi,” calls Chase shyly.

Max mumbles a curse under his breath, staring around at all of them. He looks around at the almost bare apartment and the small, scarred-up family inside like it’s the most unbelievable thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

In a second, it all seems to click in Jackie’s head, and he realizes he’s been exactly where Max is: so convinced that things won’t get better that when Max himself suddenly showed up out of the blue to help him and JJ out, all he wanted to do was scamper back to safety. That’s all Max wants to do: drag him back to safety, and never let him get hurt again. Of course Jackie understands. That’s his job.

And now Max wants to do that for him.

“Hi,” says Max, with tears in his eyes. “S-sorry, I know you don’t remember me, but - it’s really good to see you all! I just never thought I would again, I just - ”

His brothers take pity on Max, and Jackie covers his mouth with his hands as Marvin goes up to embrace him and Chase and Henrik bring Noodle over to comfort him. JJ looks back at Jackie, meeting his gaze, and Jackie recognizes this for what it is: his youngest brother, not only giving him permission to go, but asking him to respect the fact that the four of them, left alone, will be okay.

Asking him to recognize that other people want him to be happy just as much as he wants to make them happy.

“Sorry, I’ve just been so crazy,” Max is crying. “Since I got that first phone call and realized maybe he was alive after all, I’ve just been losing my mind, I just - I just wanted you to come home so I don’t have to be scared for you anymore, so I can know that you’re safe - ”

Jackie can’t stand watching him cry anymore. He rushes forward to cling to him again, pushing past his siblings to grasp him in his arms. And showing him the nice house in the woods doesn’t matter; proving to him how much progress they’ve all made doesn’t matter; even being the strong big brother again to tell Max that he’s okay stops mattering. Because that’s not what Max asked him for. Max just asked him to come home, and be safe with him.

“I’m sorry,” cries Max. “I shouldn’t have asked, I’ve just been so fucking broken without you, Jackie, and I was selfish - ”

Jackie shoves him against the wall, kissing the side of his head, clutching Max to him.

“You can be selfish, Max,” he says, voice shaking. “I’m sorry I didn’t say yes right away. That’s just my brokenness. But you make me want to be whole again.”

“No, no,” protests Max. “You wouldn’t be my Jackie if you didn’t love them with all your fucking heart, and I wouldn’t want you to be anyone else.”

There’s this little “aww!” from Chase and it makes Jackie laugh, loud and wild. He whirls on his brothers, tearing away from Max to grab Marvin and Henrik instead, the two closest to him.

“Is it okay if I go away for a while?” he sobs.

“Yes!” laughs Henrik, while Marvin cries “Jackie, don’t ask, just go!”

He turns back to Max and grabs his hand again. He never wants to not be touching him again.

“Did you mean it?” he asks. “That I can come stay with you?”

“Yes,” says Max. “Of course.”

“You really still love me?”

“You don’t remember,” says Max, eyes fixed on him and full of something deeper than canyons, and Jackie thinks fuck, this is it, this is what I burned like a star for that day in the forest, fighting to be free, this is it. “You don’t remember the day you asked me if maybe, just maybe, you’d want to get married - if maybe, just maybe, I might be in love with you - and I said yes, and promised I always would. But I do remember.”

“Part of me remembers,” says Jackie. “Part of me remembered in the very fucking moment you laid your eyes on me when I was nothing but broken remnants of myself, and you loved me anyway.”

“Broken remnants?” breathes Max. “In Colombia, when you were hurting? No. Nothing broken. Just my Jackie.”

“Always yours,” says Jackie, and yes, yes, yes.

All he wants to do is go home.

Max makes an enthusiastic effort to be friendly towards the others, but after about five minutes, it’s clear that he’s lost sight of anything but Jackie. He offers to get everybody dinner, but when he and Jackie can’t keep their hands off each other, they are dismissed to go for a walk to pick up take-out and bring it home for all of them. They all agree that fried rice and sweet and sour chicken is a pretty good price to pay for Jackie.

“But I will send for you to have your own phones and things like that,” he insists. “And beds, we must get you all your own beds, you shouldn’t have to sleep on blankets and sleeping bags.”

“Max, how’d you spend like a year hunting us around the globe and not go broke?” asks Chase, slurping up chow mein.

“Oh, my parents left me money,” he admits, darkening a little. “My father passed away just a little while before you went missing… it was really hard, of course, but he ended up leaving me much more than I realized he would be able to. And now I work for the fire service, so I have income.”

Jackie goes scarlet red. Marvin, who happens to know for a fact that Jackie finds firemen attractive, wisely does not comment.

Jackie packs a single backpack and all but runs with Max out the door, promising to be back in a few days. Everyone keeps it together just fine: Jackie doesn’t even seem nervous. JJ gets a little shaken up after he’s gone, crawling into his bed and crying for a little while, but everybody calmly comes to cheer him up and keep him company, and soon everything’s okay again.

And this is something that’s becoming increasingly common in their home: the intensity of every situation - the urgency of every breakdown - is quieting in the most wonderful way possible.

The hard times are becoming easier to deal with.

It’s a couple hours later when Marvin gets a call from Max’s phone and accepts it to the sound of his brother’s voice.

“Marvin! I forgot to bring a camera along.”

Marvin blinks, sitting up on his bed. “Hello to you too. What are talking about?”

“One of the cameras,” Jackie insists. “No one can see me out here!”

“Do you feel unsafe?” asks Marvin.

“Well, no, it’s not that. We’re good. Just - I don’t want them to worry about me.”

Marvin frowns. “Jackie, you already stress too much about the four of us. You don’t have to add the cameras to your list of concerns.”

“Well, but, don’t they deserve to see me?” asks Jackie. “I just left them behind! They’ve been here so long - I didn’t even say goodbye - I know they want to see us happy, I know - ”

“Jackie,” Marvin cuts him off. “They know you’re happy with him. Trust me, you two are acting like love-sick teenagers. Nobody deserves to be around you right now.”

Jackie snorts. “Shut the fuck up. Whatever.”

“Just enjoy your private time with your man,” says Marvin. “The cameras are here. They’re fine. Don’t stress.”

Jackie pauses. “Okay,” he says after a moment. “Just tell them bye for me!”

Marvin smiles at you. “Okay, dork. Jackie says bye.”

“Okay. Good. We landed fine. I’ll text you tomorrow. Bye! I love you.”

“Bye. Love you too.”

Marvin ends the call and tosses the phone on the bed, glancing at you again. He sits reading for a while in the living room of the house in the woods before setting Inkheart down and readjusting, looking over at you.

“I wanted to ask you something,” he says, glancing at the floor. “Would it be okay if… if we were maybe on camera a little less often? Like… Jackie’s right, you guys have been around for a long time. And I just wanted to check in. Because I don’t think we should be having you around too much as we start to move away from the need for the communication system and the encouragement… and I’m guessing it probably wouldn’t be great for you guys to just watch our boring lives forever.”

He grins up at you. “Just wanted to check in, I guess.”

He hears knocking on the front door and then laughter as Chase opens it to his kids, scooping them up and chattering with Stacy. In the other room, Henrik and JJ are watching something on the laptop, half of a conversation within Marvin’s hearing if he listens. The sun’s coming in through the window. It’s another beautiful day where things are good.

He’s guessing there will be a lot of them to come. There’s just a part of him that thinks that maybe, some of them should be shared just between the five of them. But the thought of it, after all you’ve helped him through, does feel a little selfish.

#one more section!!

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