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#eh- but most certainly not curious enough to waste my time and risk reading some utter garbage about steve.
forcedhesitation · 5 months
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this undeniably has to be one of the worst opinions I've seen about this season. like out of the plentiful failures season 4 had... you really couldn't choose one to talk about? max's mental health was one of the only things that I felt season 4 handled pretty damn well.
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I do think it could have been better written, yes. the ending of her arc in season 4 was....insulting at best.
but overall? the show does a great job of addressing that max actually hated billy (she literally fucking admits to wishing for his death) and that her grief is more complicated than just missing a person. because she wasn't missing a person! she was ultimately glad billy was gone. but even in death, he torments her.
she watched a person she grew up with be brutally murdered by some fleshy abomination, RIGHT in front of her. her shitbag step father bailed on her and her mother after billy died, forcing them to move to the trailer park. her mother abuses alcohol and is never home because she's always working so they can afford to live in the trailer park. her friend group has been split in two by the byers moving away, which took el away from her too. she doesn't know how to reach out to lucas, deep down doesn't feel she deserves his love & concern, despite lucas' best efforts (vecna literally taunts her with lucas turning on her at the final confrontation). she wished so badly to have someone like steve in billy, but she knows that billy would never be that person. he was the complete opposite & she can't just have steve in his place. she mourns the brother she never had. she is devastated by the way billy still hurts her, even after he's gone.
she's what. fourteen??? when this all happens?
like the death of an abuser is never so simple as "hooray! I am so very joyous now that the source of my pain is gone!" the damage an abuser inflicts on you is not some cut to the skin that can be healed and one day forgotten. it's so much more tortuous than that. especially for a child.
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goshiyachi · 6 years
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Of a heart, I couldn't steal
Fandom: Haikyuu!! Pairing: Atsumu Miya/Oikawa Tooru Summary: Oikawa was all too familiar with the routine: 1. Pick a victim carefully (while making it seem like a random tragedy) 2. Never play with your food 3. And certainly, don’t ever fall in love with fragile notions of masquerading as a human. Haikyuu Halloweek Prompts Used: Vampires, Halloween Night, Blood, Crime Fictober 18 Prompts Used: “Take what you need.”; “How can I trust you?”; “You shouldn’t have come here.”; “I felt it. You know what I mean.”; “I’ve waited so long for this.”; “I hope you have a speech prepared.”; “This is gonna be so much fun!” A/N: Referenced murder, and death A/N 2: @fictober18 ; @haikyuuhalloweek
Or Read on Ao3
Part of the problem has always been that he was, Oikawa.
He had lived, and lived that he became too bored and almost too careless every other decade that passed him. Humanity had proved to be dull and annoying with their petty wars and glutton for power. They were hardly worth his glance; but, when he got too bored he wasted some years like minutes and learned their habits when he chose to roam in their midst. It was a risky business; having a chance of watching their feeble attempts of conquering the world and stepping closer to whispered lost thoughts.
He didn’t know why he did that, it wasn’t like he had ever been truly invested in their trifles and despairs. There had never been any leverages for him to gain their thrones. He had all the power and knowledge to live beyond their lifespans anyways. It must have been due to when he lost his humanity a long time ago. A fog of memories had been buried, and the likelihood of ever finding a fragile piece of his old sanity felt thin. Oikawa would never admit it out loud, but he was in some sense, just a lonely being.
Someone who had been pitied once an upon ago, who was now doomed to live in a world where his apathy was consuming his whisks of life. It shouldn’t have made a difference now, with all those past diminution coursing into his present. Relearning how to speak, and become a shadow from society was all that awaited him. Maybe that was why Oikawa was known to be an inexcusable idiot, because he was getting too thoughtless. He had witnessed one too many dull decades and his boredom was recalling his need for adventure and risky submissions.
What he wanted to grasp was a fulfillment to cease his thoughts and make him feel almost alive. A challenge perhaps, but that had been the issue. There were obligations to honor; rules that suppressed any gambles of getting something he lost when he was transformed. The pressure to obtain the standard illusion was crushing his style. Oikawa couldn’t or rather, didn’t want to continue having to live in a specific direction.
Their rules on how to survive were absolute, and for necessity for the lost but, Oikawa had come to know rules as second nature guidelines and mere strategic suggestions for the bored. There was no need for him to be cemented on remaining as a lone creature with too strict ropes to cross over from. Yet, that was all that was waiting for him, a constant sense of becoming too constricted and more willingly to break the code he was forced to learn from his second beginning. It had always been an issue of him living too long to start taking more risks as he lingered in cities and neighborhoods for periods that made him almost stand out as weird or impossible with his clinging youth. He found himself coming into odds with others as he played his former role too perfectly flawed.
He missed his past.
A little too much that it surprised him when he first re-discovered his love with the sports that were roaming his territories. He didn’t go out too much but when he did Oikawa saw what his missed. The chance to be somebody who could have lived a life of full passion. With no regrets, and discovering all the untouched corners of the world and maybe beyond the skies he kept looking up each day. It had been an old selfish wish, but nonetheless, Oikawa still dreamed about it when he walked the night streets while looking for a quick bite.
They would always end the same. With him finding a snack and pondering how long he would have until something would crack.
Oikawa needed a warm body.
The bed that he had been using for a month now, was too lonely. He couldn’t say anything else, the fact had made him sigh in disappointment. It had been years since he had cupped another face that had not been a snack. Longer that Oikawa had been taunted by others when he went to some gatherings. He had been one of those vampires that lived long enough that he had been seen as a teenager in the eyes of the elders.
Enough decades that he should have had a semi partner or have joined a more permanent coven. But he hadn’t. Oikawa just couldn’t find it in himself to stay with others, even when he had clearly had signs that he needed a companion. No matter what he did, or who he had tried to stay with, there had always been a disconnection. A sort of wall he couldn’t overcome when he spoke to them.
They had always felt faceless, with pretenses that never felt genuine. It figured that Oikawa would only be accompanied by other covens with few things in common with him. But then, Oikawa had always been different.
When a new century had come and passed he came back to the question. People changed rhythmically, and metaphorically; but never in spirit. They grew bolder in some aspects too with the supernatural gaining more popularity. The technology had never surprised him. It had fascinated him, had made him laugh at the elders’ reactions. But it had always forged a sort of visual representation of a new chapter that been forced on to himself.
They could learn of him, could find a way to make him human again, or just plain kill him.
And while that would produce some form of entertainment, Oikawa couldn’t still wonder back to his old thoughts. A long life hadn’t taught him the true values, it had just furthered the answers from his grasps. They had always escaped when he delved further away from the traditions the elders taught him before he started to question more when his thirst became just a fact and not a constant issue over his head.
He had come to expect their stance when he woke up and lived closer than recommended, or when he had woven himself in and out of their affairs because he was getting desperate. When the idea popped up Oikawa had known it wouldn’t end well; he was idleness, but never a true fool. Until then, when he felt himself consider it.
It had actually started in a Halloween.
He had been dangling off a building roof when a heartbeat woke his trance. A figure came forward, his hair was a mess, but it had been his eyes that had loomed over Oikawa that made him look back. His pale skin had glown but, it almost looked sickly.
He wouldn’t make for a good meal, Oikawa could already smell the alcohol and smoke from him as he walked closer to Oikawa. His costume had been fairly simple but with some notches of creativity like the face paint on half his face. The smudges that had been cleared showed his tense jaw. The stranger didn’t open his mouth right away, but had faced the skyscrapers for a couple of seconds.
“You good?” The stranger’s voice had been raspy as if he had finally stopped yelling and now, he was recovering.
Oikawa eyes didn’t show any interest with the way he shrugged his shoulders. He had a fairly recent meal so, he hadn’t been particularly hungry. Or had much patience to wrestle a game yet.
“As much one could be.”
They didn’t say much after that. The other guy had taken out his phone, making the light spark up and highlight the make-up he wore.
“What are you supposed be?” Oikawa hadn’t really cared before, but when the night grew so did some of his attention to the world.
“Don’t know some half skeleton dude. Wasn’t listening to what my friends were sayin’ when they dressed me up.” He texted someone before looking at Oikawa. “What about you? Not into Halloween?”
Oikawa’s legs had started to get cold, “Eh, just didn’t feel like it this year.”
The only things he had don had been some cat ears he received as a mock present from one of his neighbors. A bell choker had been added too and painted whiskers when he had handed out candy for the tikes and kids that roamed earlier from his apartment complex. In the past, he had found the holiday to be somewhat amusing. After most of his second life, it had been liberating to say he was a vampire and nobody took another glance. The loopholes were fantastic trips for him.
The rest of the night Oikawa kept to himself, while the stranger who gave his name, Miya Atsumu, had minded his business. The rooftop stayed like that, a ghost zone for two people that wondered why existing had been so hard. One with too much time, and the other with too little.
“I hope you have a speech prepared.”
Oikawa had been in the middle of dumping his dinner and had been preparing to leave the site when he noticed another presence. The other person had hitched his breath, took a step back until they hit the back of a brick wall. Oikawa’s hood still covered most of his head and the lack of lighting made it easier to make his face seem faceless. But with the other person, they had smelled familiar.
(In the back of his head Oikawa had wished it weren’t one of his neighbors because he always hated it when they got too nosey. It made killing them more of a chore and having the police too annoying.)
When he turned back the other person had the same dyed blond hair, and pale skin. But this time, they lacked the other smells he had associated from their last meeting; they knew each other, but not by much. Recognition hit him when he saw their face mirror him too.
“Dude. You’re a murder?” He had sounded a tad more curious than scared.
Oikawa, like usual made an annoyed noise as he scrunched his nose when he dropped his hoodie. The reveal hadn’t been that dramatic. “You shouldn’t have come here.”
Miya’s shivering body didn’t move an inch closer, but he had observed the body then to Oikawa who had no visible blood on his clothes. Without bothering to be sensitive Oikawa lit up a match and threw it to the body, the smell hadn’t made the scene any better; it had felt like it bottled Oikawa when he walked away and hearing Miya call to him. He hadn’t known it, but that had triggered Miya to keep tabs on him. Had made it for Oikawa to see that he had unknowingly opened another door into his life of playing human with an actual human.
Eventually he had to ask him it :“How can I trust you?”
Miya at the time, had witnessed Oikawa burying, burning and chopping a couple of bodies for a couple of months. He never told anyone else of Oikawa’s activities, and Oikawa had never allowed him to know the real truth of why he did the things he did. He only furthered the illusion that Oikawa was just a killer. And that Miya was as guilty of not reporting.
“I haven’t said anything yet have I?”
No. He hadn’t. He only observed first. Then he wrote the people’s names, death and area where they got rid of them or picked up. (He had claimed that Oikawa needed to be organized about it. In case of people catching up to him.)
The questions almost never did come out in the beginning; but the suggestions did. Oikawa had asked once about that. Miya just followed Oikawa’s usual answer by shrugging and saying it all nonchalant.
“I watched a lot of crime documentaries and TV shows. Figured I’d give a few variations to keep it from getting too repetitive.”
The next time Oikawa had been feeding, and away from Miya he had wondered why he tried to pretend to be human. It had never benefited the way he wanted; it had done the opposite. The deep-rooted sadness that could never be carved out from him had made it impossible for him to seek peace. They had only been temporary. He had been given hell on earth, had been wondering and seeking for something to occupy his mind away from the clock that would never be stopped.
Besides the odd affair of having Miya accompany him in some of his adventures (he never allowed Miya to watch him kill them or catch him feeding from them), he had felt Miya give him small courses of behaving like a normal person. They went to the movies, amusement parks and some clubs. He had been taken to a tour of Miya’s university, and had met his twin brother (that had reacted with a little more sense and didn’t approve of him in the end). Oikawa had almost thought and believed he was human again. But then his thirst would come back harder, more resilient when Miya pushed the boundaries Oikawa had laid. It had made it harder to ignore him.
The warmth of the bed when they laid on it and talked about Miya’s day and Oikawa’s next day off to find a new victim had almost tasted like a victory for him. As if he had found a life almost similar from before. Oikawa had almost believed it could have comforted him.
They had been sleeping for of the day when Miya broke the silence.
“I felt it.” His neck was exposed, his eyes looking directly at Oikawa as he cupped his face. “You know what I mean.” His skin was flushed and Oikawa loved how the blood underneath Miya’s skin was so warm.
Oikawa hummed as he kissed his neck in slow appreciation. Had teased the other of what he wanted to do.
(He wanted it. Wanted to just bit his neck. And then―)
“Tooru. I want to go with you tomorrow.”
He immediately pulled away. Separated his limbs from him as he watched the other sitting up. The conversation that he always dreaded came back with vengeance.
“No.”
The whirl of the statement made him look at how Miya was upset of not being able to be a part of the whole process again.
Miya pushed himself closer, “But I have been there making adjustments with you with the planning and always helping you with the cleanup. Why can’t I go and help with the actual climax?”
Oikawa had been playful, had been dramatic with few people, but with Miya, he had been distant in some clear ways. Ones, he knew he could never really crack and allow him to see. The elders had always been strict with adding any more numbers, and Oikawa would never break and make Miya see what his life really was. He was killer to exist. Not because Miya had certain assumptions of him that made him almost admire Oikawa.
“Miya.”
“Tooru.”
The bed had been comfortable, but as he loomed over Miya Oikawa found his resolve. He sighed. And with one last glance at his room and Miya waiting for his response, he got off the bed and with a clipped tone he ordered: “Take what you need.”
The only grace he had that he had taken two other people previously. Therefore, that night Oikawa had to only humor Miya when they picked their targets. He watched and found Miya to be a quick learner when he approached and taunted his person. Miya had memorized the lessons that Oikawa had taught him and applied it well when he neared the finishing blow of his person. Oikawa in the background had been somewhat paranoid when he leaned in close to his chosen person when he thought about wasted blood that seeped into his cloth that protected his shirt.
It hadn’t been as dull when he mocked his prey; but Oikawa had remembered of the rules that his old master had taught him. Playing with his food was below him. (Even if it had brought some fun into it.)
When he heard Miya swing and swipe and the other heartbeat stopped Oikawa had to control himself from activating his fangs. He had been a little messy, but Oikawa had figured that he had done well considering where Miya had started first when he caught Oikawa burning a man before. He would have to wipe clean his face and fingers and the clothes would need to be destroyed but Oikawa had in the end congratulated Miya for a good first kill.
They ended up cleaning up a bit later than usual.
Oikawa blamed the blood in air when he kissed and nipped Miya in the neck.
(But never too deep. His master had shown him before how to effectively nip others without accidentally creating another vampire. After all, he didn’t need another reason to have the elders come back and question him when he wasn’t done questioning himself.)
Miya’s thirst became a game for Oikawa. To find the right places for him to have, and when Oikawa had to babysit. It became a cycle. One that entertained him for a while. They had fun. Miya caught him up in almost all the pop culture and Oikawa had taught him how to be efficient. It had come closer thought, having Oikawa to leave the city again.
He hadn’t said anything, but he had been sure that Miya had come to understand what he couldn’t directly show him. He pulled away from his job, and Miya took that as a sign to follow him too when he didn’t apply for another semester.
“When are you coming back?”
Oikawa had a small backpack on when he didn’t make a motion to grab his apartment key. The room had been lowly lit; the last exams that Miya had been close as he had some big textbooks near him. A lamp was on and a cold coffee cup was left alone. His heart was calm when Oikawa kissed him softly. It almost hurt like the first time he did it―but, this time had been different and the same.
Because, this time Miya had almost shown him the answers he had been looking.
But then he didn’t. Couldn’t really because he had a heart that worked, and had few different beliefs than him. He kissed his neck. (He was there―ready―willingly if he told him everything.) Oikawa cradled his head, had gently hummed and said his name once.
He couldn’t help but say out loud his thoughts that crosses him when he first met him. The rooftop had been the perfect place. And Miya had been unsuspectedly the perfect partner.
“I’ve waited so long for this.”
He snaked one hand to the back of Miya’s neck, and the other tilted Miya’s head for the perfect angle.  Miya’s heartbeat picked up, the warmth that only Miya could radiate had been addicting but, Oikawa had finally cracked. Many lifetimes he supposedly lived flashed within his head as his fangs appeared.
Miya’s facial expression had been interesting too when Oikawa allowed him to see his eyes shade into red and, to see his fangs appear.
He laughed out loud when Miya’s lit up and especially when he said, “This is gonna be so much fun!”
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