okay but if we’re going to go with theatre major phoenix we need to go full fucking theatre major phoenix

like he shows up in germany the first time like “if there’s time for it i’d love to catch a show while i’m here, germany has such a vibrant theatre scene”.

and edgeworth's like “absolutely we can make that happen, i believe there’s a major schiller production running at the moment and it should have english surtitles”.

and phoenix is like “oh yeah no i’m sure it’s really solid but actually there’s a shakespeare production i’m interested in”.

edgeworth is like “okay odd choice for someone supposedly interested in the german theatre scene, but yeah who can say no to shakespeare". but they get there and it turns out it's this like peak weird experimental avant-garde german theatre production of coriolanus that’s set in a bdsm club. for like four hours edgeworth keeps looking over at phoenix like “what in the actual fuck is happening right now right now” but no matter what is happening onstage, phoenix just keeps watching it intently, finger pressed to his lips, the same pensive furrow to his brow that he gets in court when listening to testimony.

but afterwards when they're sipping their after-show aftercare tea in the lobby phoenix is waving his arms all over the place as he's like “SUCH an effective use of consent! the way they just continually wove it into everything. the almost brechtian emersion it created. the way it laid bare the underlying themes around consent of the governed. and then tying that in with the obvious angle of the performative masculinity of militarism and an audience that demands to be played to, and drawing the comparison between that and both bdsm AND theatre itself. an obvious comparison of course, but SO well done! just wow!"

and edgeworth who still hasn't quite managed to process anything beyond that first moment when coriolanus walked onstage in full leather daddy get-up and has a white-knuckled death grip on the after-show aftercare blanket wrapped around his shoulders just nods weakly and croaks out a vague “i'm glad you enjoyed it”

like he's gotta be into weird and experimental theatre. he can't have been a theatre major and NOT be into weird and experimental theatre. sure he'll go see the schiller production and enjoy it, but bdsm coriolanus is what gets his Theatre Kid blood pumping, y'know.