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lingeringscars · 1 year

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Layla + ily is something that can be so special to me actually. We don't actually see layla say it to asher and to my knowledge of cjs rewatch, we do not see her and Spencer's first ilys either.

Layla and asher were the couple that made sense. Asher was the star of the football team at the time. She was the It girl. They've known each other their whole lives. It's what made sense to her, to the world, and it fit with the image she was perfectly crafting, and she did love him. She loved who they were together. She doesn't think she was in love with him fully, but she did love him. Him cheating on her broke her heart (it being liv broke it more). She immediately assumes that Olivia was his first love because she's used to being second, and in some cases, often, second to liv specifically. (The fact that liv also believes this but re layla...spicy). She doesn't really believe that she could be loved by him that way at this point because of everything that happens with spencer.

Layla is in love with spencer, and she knows that she is in love with spencer while with him and when breaking up with him. That love scared her and because of everything in her life, because she didn't believe people loved her enough to stay, she pushed him away. He wasn't fully open with her, and eventually this is something that starts to eat at her. She wonders what it is about her that makes it so her own boyfriend doesn't confide in her. There must be something wrong with her. Spencer getting back together with her while actively being in love with Olivia makes all these feelings worse. She doesn't think anyone could love her the way she wants to be loved.

Then there's jordan. Jordan who she has also known her entire life but is her best friends brother. Jordan who she has known forever and one of her favorite people but also...just another guy in her friend group for the longest time. But he's never truly been just some guy to her. She has always felt comfortable and safe with him and trusted him with her feelings, and this is because Jordan has always validated her. Jordan wasn't her best friend until after Carrie, but he was always someone she could be emotionally vulnerable with if the time came to it, maybe more than anyone else.

Jordan is so clear in his feelings and intentions, and it was scary to layla. Layla finds it hard to trust again, and Jordan doesn't have the best reputation when it comes to girls usually. Not to mention the fact that he was married to one of her closest friends. But Jordan gives her time and space and...he never disappears.

Jordan never disappears on her. He's there when she needs him, but he also confides in her! Something neither of her past boyfriends did. He comes to her with his problems and he let's her help, and this does wonders for Her. It makes her feel special and important and also loved.

That's also scary. She's afraid of losing it. She needs time to work through that and solid ground to truly believe that jordan is there to stay, even if he's proved it again and again and again. When nothing changes after they start dating, they still talk, they still communicate, and he's still her best friend, she knows. She's kept everything close to her chest for fear of being hurt, but she fell in love with him long before she could ever say it. He was someone she had feelings for. It was safer. Dipping a toe in instead of diving straight into the lake.

She needed that to feel comfortable. She needed time to believe that she was worthy of this love. And she needed to trust that jordan would stay even if he'd given her no reason to doubt. She had to work on believing that she was worth that effort, and jordan made it constantly clear that he was all in with her and wanted to be with her and...she was pretty sure he loved her too.

So of course when she says it, it just slips out. It's when she's saying goodbye. It's when she's encouraging him to be himself! And he is! So entirely himself! His ridiculous self that she could not be more in love with. Layla saying it first is absolutely everything I could have hoped for, and she's felt it for so much longer than has ever been said, she just needed to feel on solid ground. Everything is still so hard, they're all still grieving, but they're together. Everyone knows. And nothing bad happened. He still talks to her. He's still her best friend. She can say it and believe that it will last.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk im still thinking about how monumental this is for layla #meta: layla keating #muse: layla keating #dyn: lean into love (layla x jordan)#dyn: layla x spencer #dyn: layla x asher #all american spoilers #aa spoilers #sorry that it just occurred to me i should tag this

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lingeringscars · 21 days

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Layla planning Spencer's birthday party ❤️ layla knowing what liv got him for his birthday but deciding to torture him a little with that ❤️ layla making the cake and messing up the Heisman ❤️

#she's my favorite by the way #the cake is from all of us pls my girl you did that #she's in the middle she says what it's supposed to be #it's real to me fjdks #muse: layla keating #meta: layla keating #dyn: layla x spencer

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lingeringscars · 2 years

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Once again in my traitor as sp/ayla feelings

#i know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt :((#you talked to her when we were together :(((#you talked to her maybe did even worse :(((#aint it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits :(((#it took you two weeks to go off and date her :((#muse: layla keating #dyn: layla x spencer #dyn: layla x spencer x olivia

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lingeringscars · 1 year

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"do you think layla might have had a crush on jordan at some point in their childhood"

"i think so. i feel like she would have and if she even gave an inkling to suggest that, i feel like liv would have been like disgusting no and layla would have been like i'm just joking ewww he's gross." "but then also you were really mean to her so i feel like she also would have no idea that it was mutual at that point."

"favorite thing about their relationship"

"i like that jordan is so silly and fun. so that he makes her..i feel like he makes her more silly and more fun. and let's her lean into those quality she has that i think come out with like liv and the girls but they haven't ever really come out with any of her previous girlfriends"

michael: the ying and yang they have with each other. she can kind of make him serious and and not...spiral. he's very good at spiraling. (sam: the baker twins are very good at spiraling).....layla can usually kind of make him sit down and think about the pieces a little bit more in depth...

"i feel like it's really cute that when jordan does that layla finds it really funny...that's like her bringing out the humor...that's what it is. i like the balance."

sam: i think you guys have like good chemistry and you just play off each other really well and that factors into it also makes for a great...relationship just saying.

"do you think their relationship improved them as characters"

"i think it definitely improved layla because girl was miserable." sam: justice for layla "it's funny i was thinking about this like when i was doing those seasons and she's dating other people, like similarly to when you're in a relationship and then you get out of a toxic relationship you're like 'oh that was kind of shitty' but the more time you have away from it you're like oh my god that was actually that was horrifying i'm truly disturbed by those men. the more time that passes the more i'm like she really went through it. i'm really happy that now she's got like a kind loving partner" sam: layla deserves that. greta: not just her...the world. sam: layla's a great girlfriend. greta: i think layla is a good girlfriend! sam: great girlfriend. wifey material.

"favorite jordayla kiss"

both: 5x03 when layla kisses jordan

"is simone invited to the wedding"

"i feel like layla would be more open to inviting her than jordan would...i don't imagine that simone would want to come to that wedding whether or not she was invited."

the hardest jordayla scene to shoot was the simone fight because it was hard for greta not to laugh because of how that is an insane thing to say to your girlfriend (she's not my friend she was my wife).

"do you think jordayla is endgame"

long pause "i think so...i would like them to be i guess is a good answer cause i think they're (special? incredible?)" sam: i think they should be.

michael: were you shocked to see they were getting engaged in the finale cause i was. greta: absolutely. michael: i did not think they were gonna take jordan down this magical.... sam: have you not learned your lesson. michael: i was teased that i had a big decision to make...i think he personally he's had the ring for a hot minute. greta; okay when do you think he got the ring. michael: i think he got the ring after billy died after some time but after billy died for sure. because he's realized like olivia said that morning that life is fleeting...and it was only after the ring got found that he felt like he had to kind of do it quickly.

greta: how do you think he would have proposed if he hadn't?

michael: somehow getting in contact with boyz ll men...yes fireworks because i planned something in my head just for me to think about

"are jordan and layla making babies next season"

sam: baker babies no way

greta: i think layla and jordan will hopefully have a long engagement because they're young

sam: nice and long

#greta: did you say something about fireworks or am i making it up me who has seen the scene 483453 times: yes #muse: layla keating #meta: layla keating #greta call out spencer for being shitty more <3 #dyn: lean into love (layla x jordan)#love to see they are in my head

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lingeringscars · 1 year

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Just want to say @doomdays and I have Been Saying that each ep someone is finding out and each ep jordan and layla were getting more and more obvious so OF COURSE everyone officially knows bc jordan ran right to her and she put her arms around his neck and he talked about how amazing she is of COURSE.

#jordan @ jj and spencer and denise the second they find out: shes amazing #jordan @ layla when everyone finds out: youre amazing #okay to @ us we did spend time like i swear if liv is mad i swear if this causes problems #but it kept...not #they kept just being natural and real and THEM #aa spoilers #all american spoilers #they're so natural and comfortable and RIGHT #muse: layla keating #meta: layla keating #dyn: lean into love (layla x jordan)#also it being laylas idea for family dinner EXACTLY #there is something about jordayla and food. there is something about the bakers and food. there is something about #layla and liv baking cookies together #and the entire family coming together with Billy's recipe #yes exactly #anyway loved this ep no one talk to me gonna rewatch tomorrow

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lingeringscars · 1 year

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Layla hugged Laura when she walked in ❤️

#she looks like shes going to and then it goes to spencer #cj just rewatched the scene and did confirm #meta: layla keating #muse: layla keating #dyn: layla x laura #aa spoilers #all american spoilers

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lingeringscars · 2 years

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i don’t really have the brain capacity to make this the post i want it to be so it’s gonna be part layla part why jordan and layla make sense and part me missing spencer and layla. so much about our understanding of layla is that people don’t really see her. she’s very good at faking her emotions, even if i personally feel like she shows everything on her face. layla has survived for so long in part because she can play that game and convince people that she’s fine when she’s falling apart. she shoves everything into a corner and pretends it doesn’t exist. she thinks this works for her.

layla needs someone who doesn’t let her fall into these habits. ( ofc the most important thing is for her to realize her own triggers and be able to recognize when this is occurring, but she needs support to do that ). the reality is, especially this season, layla does not have that support system. i’m not blaming anyone for this; it’s no one’s responsibility to maintain layla’s mental health and it would be unfair for me to say so. it doesn’t change the fact that, partially by her own design, and partially because everyone around her has their own stuff going on, she’s been utterly alone this season.

no one has checked in with her about carrie, and there is a lot of evidence to suggest that no one really did after her mom died either. part of what led her attraction to spencer was that he understood her. he understood who she was now. the layla after she lost her mom and her best friend. the layla who was lonely. the layla who was alone. he was there for her, in a way no one else was. and she really needed that. she needed someone who could say he would always be there for her, and she could believe it.

that’s what is happening with jordan now. i don’t think she realizes any feelings / is thinking about that at all. i do think she sees him as one of the most important people in her life and someone that she has come to rely on, more than she even realized. people have been making posts about how jordan doesn’t understand her, and usually they’re citing the birthday party fiasco or her taking a gap year from college. but that’s proof that he does? unlike with spencer, however, he wasn’t meeting her where she currently was, wasn’t hearing her. but in doing so, he was the only one that realized layla wasn’t okay.

while everyone else was quick to believe that this was layla now, she had changed, she was maturing, jordan saw that she was closing herself off to everyone else. jordan saw that the reason layla was pissing everyone off with her attitude went deeper. layla needs that now. needed someone who proved that he was still there even as she pushed and fell apart. needed to know that if she broke down. someone would catch her. jordan consistently has talked about how strong layla is, and she needed to believe it. she needed to believe he STILL thought that, even if she backslid. jordan believed in her, and she needed it so badly. she wants someone to believe in her.

#i'm just emotional about my baby #muse: layla keating #meta: layla keating #dyn: layla x jordan #dyn: layla x spencer

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lingeringscars · 4 years

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Layla has an intense amount of compassion, but she is not good with empathy. While the two typically go hand in hand, for her, there is a disconnect. she is able to feel sympathy for people, but she is not able to put herself into their shoes. She is not able to see why it might be hard for Asher to admit that he lost his money, but she is able to understand that it is hard for him. similarly, she is not able to understand why Olivia can’t just ... not drink. she doesn’t get that being around alcohol + the party environment is a trigger because... the solution seems simple.

While she loves Olivia’s heart and her ability for empathy, she is also envious of it. It is something she doesn’t possess. ( Especially when she is blinded by her own pain and fear ). While Olivia can see people struggling and put herself in their shoes, Layla sees them struggling and can fall back on the mentality that they made their decisions. With Asher, Layla does not understand why Olivia spent her morning getting him ready for the Combine because...that was Asher’s responsibility. As someone that has torn herself apart for responsibility, she couldn’t understand it falling on anyone else to help them out of it.

In a lot of ways, Layla was struggling in silence. It is not on anyone else to have seen it before it became obvious. But in the pilot episode, Spencer mentions that Layla is lonely, and she automatically pulls away. It goes against the image that she has perfected, and it is part of why she is so desperate to get back in Olivia’s good graces. However, she doesn’t realize that things have to be different between them because she just cannot empathize with everything Olivia has been through. Partially because she is so outside of it all, as Olivia pulled away after it all, but also because she just doesn’t understand what that is like. she also just...doesn’t have the capacity to get it. Olivia could explain a million times in a million different ways but ... it most likely will not stick because it goes against everything she knows.

This link between her compassion and empathy is especially strained right now because she has depression doing it’s own damage on her brain. she’s afraid. after her house was broken into ( another sign of her compassion for asher not extending to empathy. as much as she hates being alone in her home, she also didn’t want to share it with asher. she did not want that extra layer and burden and didn’t understand why it was falling on her. regardless, she feels a responsibility to asher as her ex and someone that was very important to her, but it is a lot harder to hide how upset she is when someone is sharing that space with her ) she felt this fear even more intensely, and she felt completely alone. she blamed asher, something that she does regret, and she hasn’t been able to completely come back from it.

with her father throwing money at the problem, she fell inside herself. she destroyed her home again when finally realizing how alone she was. she blamed it on a second break in because she didn’t want to have to explain what was going on inside her head, and as people pushed harder and harder... she started crumbling more. she couldn’t see that they were trying to help her-- all she saw was them trying to infringe on her personal space. the more into her head she got, the worse it became. the more she started pushing against them because they were getting too close to unraveling what was left of her. they were pushing, and if she cannot hear what they are saying right now. she does not have that ability to hear that they care about her; instead, she is going to push them away first.

this is where things..get really hard. Layla knows Olivia’s heart, and she is able to see things. Not to mention she has a history of projecting and pushing too hard ( see: the hottub scene in s1 ). she had to keep it together with asher for image reasons, on top of just clinging to this idea of him being this safe space: a memory. they grew apart, but she wasn’t good at admitting that. then she goes after Spencer because...she realizes that is what she wants and it is one of the decisions she makes for herself. but she is unable to see how that might impact or hurt Olivia, especially after learning about her & Asher.

Instead of empathizing with Olivia and being able to see that it is connected into her addiction, all she feels is betrayed. and she lashes out about this because she is unable to see clearly. flash forward to current events: Olivia stages an intervention, with Spencer’s help, and they called her dad in. her dad, an automatic trigger for her, actually shows up this time, but it took the choice out of her hands. everything that she has been doing has been her grasping for control after her life spiraled out of control, and now spencer & olivia have broken that tenuous hold that she had. she had already hurt spencer in the best way she thought possible. she broke up with him, yelled at him to leave, and then broke down herself when he actually did. while not fair for spencer, at all, it was confirmation that she was alone. and then they go to show that she isn’t, and she cannot see that, at all.

and because of that heart that she admires so much in Olivia...she knows how to hurt it. while not knowing how bad her actions and words can spiral, she does not have the foresight to see that collateral consequences. All she can see is that Olivia hurt her and she needs to hurt her back. she feels betrayed and broken and, much like a caged animal, is lashing out because she feels backed into a corner with no control. and so she crosses line after line in an attempt to break olivia because then she’ll leave her alone. only then. and just like with spencer... it will be like confirmation that she is truly alone. she is not in a place to see anything getting better. she is not in a place to see that she really does need help. she is also not in the place to accept it.

her kiss with asher is more layered that just hurting olivia, though. while this is a primary motive....it isn’t the only one. it is no coincidence that she does this only after seeing spencer with someone else. asher was this safe place for her, for a long long time. that ended, and there are no residual feelings there, but she hurt asher with spencer, and now she can hurt both spencer and olivia with asher. while kissing spencer was putting herself first, this was a last-ditched effort at control. she kissed asher because he reminded her of what it was like to be secure. she clung to him after her mom died because that was what was expected of her, but now... now it was just that place that used to be safe. that, obviously, did not work, and it caused even more damage.

she has made multiple mistakes and has crossed lines that she will never be able to uncross and...honestly.. she doesn’t want to right now. more, she isn’t able to right now. until she realizes what she is doing/has done...which would be hard for her without depression on top of it, she doesn’t want to see it. she isn’t being perfect anymore, but admitting that there is something deeper going on that she is not in control of... she won’t do that. until she does, she won’t be able to mend these relationships, but more importantly, she won’t be able to help herself.

#muse: layla keating #layla: genuinely p unlikeable rn but you know...depression...does that #me: i have never loved her MORE #i never expected her to go from tertiary to primary i am Shook #but god does she know i love her so much ?????#dyn: i missed my best friend (layla x olivia)#depression tw #it's so so hard to watch esp bc ... i love olivia...so much. and the way layla is treating her is so ugly #i knew this entire season that she was going to through both spencer & asher in her face... and i was v convinced she would do it with her #addiction too but ... i was hoping she wouldn't cross that boundary #but at the end of the day...layla does not get it. she doesn't know what doing that will do to olivia's psyche #she just knows that it will hurt and she is in this stage of pulling people around her down to (try to) bring herself up #it doesn't work ofc and just makes her feel worse but ~~it's an awful kind of control but it's the only kind i know #she's reminding olivia of when she was at her lowest bc layla is currently at hers #only she isn't receptive to olivia's help at all bc ... she is SO TIED IN with a million other things that have gone on #( being best friends with someone shouldn't be this hard )#i ... love them... they need so much help ...

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