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monikashinswife · 7 months

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Hiiiiiiiii! So i love all your monika fanfics!!! Pls tell me there are still more to come!!!

But I would like to make a request for a fanfic of Hyowon 😭 pls im so deprived of her! Like the fem reader is an actress in hollywood but staying with Hyowon in korea and she goes on an instagram live and everyone is surprised. It also shows how sweet, caring, thoughtful and overprotective lip j is towards the reader.

Thank you so muuuuuch!!!

"The Korean"

(Lip J x Hollywood Actress! Reader)

・❥・time for our Sooni! been dropping few updates cause I think I'm gonna be inactive because school's starting again. Anygays, enjoy darlings!<3 Request inbox is open anytime<33 ⋆ ★

Flashes of the cameras and the overwhelming voices of the paparazzis triggers me, but like always. I have nothing to do. They are doing their job. But why is their job this horrible?

I understand that when you are a well known name. Paparazzis will follow, but doesn't make it less comfortable. They are still invading someone's personal space.

Fortunately, I got along with some of them. But it doesn't mean that this doesn't bother me. Just then, one of the paparazzi asked while I am walking towards the entrance of the airport.

"Where are you going? Are you gonna film another project?" He asked quickly. And I answered them robotically but still politely as I try to squeeze myself through many paparazzis.

I thank the guards for helping me. As much as I love being an actress. It's still very overwhelming especially now that I just finished another film that had me mentally challenged.

Going to South Korea would be my rest and escape. That country became my second home when Hyo Won took me there few years ago.

It became my home because it was hers. And because she is there.

I quickly became overwhelmed and noticed myself tearing up because of what just happened. I didn't know how I got to the plane but I'm glad I did. I sigh in relief as I look at the mesmerizing sight.

In order to distract myself I decided to read my book for a while. I was so immersed with the story that I forgot to message Sooni before we boarded. I figured that I'll do it when the plane landed.

I took some photos and continued reading the book that Hyo Won gave to me. I can already feel the stress leaving, I got so invested to the story that the flight felt like a few minutes.

Before I knew it, I'm already in Korea. I smiled as I walk to the airport with my suitcases and phone in hand. I decided to post some pics for my fans.

I continued walking after I posted, trying to find somewhere to eat before I messaged her that I'm already at the airport. But Sooni knows what time my arrival so she'd be here soon.

"Honey!" My head almost snapped because of how quickly I turned around when I heard her voice. "Sooni!" I giggled when I saw her running towards me. I immediately open my arms to be hugged by her.

"I missed you so much." I mumbled against her neck. She rubbed my back while kissing my hair. "I know, but you're here now." She comforted me softly. I nodded against her before parting our bodies.

"Let's go?" She urge softly when she noticed people recognizing us. I nodded and she helped me with my luggage. She drove us to her apartment, during the car ride, I was quite worried because of the silence.

It was comfortable yes, but my mind's making me think things. "Hey... you alright?" She must've noticed my internal battle. She put her free hand on my thigh, caressing it to bring comfort.

"Hmm?" I snap out of my thoughts to look at her concerned eyes for a moment. I hold her hand and bring it to my lips to assure her that I'm fine.

We reached her house. And she helped me get settled. She toured me around first, "where's the guest room honey?" I asked, I noticed her change of emotion.

"Here." She lead me to the room, opening the door for me. "Here's the guest room." I carefully watch her, noting how her voice suddenly sounded so distraught.

I chuckled before wrapping my arms around her neck. She tried to avoid my eyes by looking everywhere, "What's wrong?" she reluctantly turned to look at my doe eyes.

"It's just that-" she stopped herself, but I urge her by bringing my hand to cup her cheek. "I don't want you to sleep here." She hides her face in embarrassment.

"Just say you miss me." She tried to get away from me when I teased her. But before she could go anywhere, I hug her from the back.

"Stop~" annoyance can be heard in her voice, "Aigoo~ you baby" I make her turn around while my arms are still around hers. I missed this so much.

"I asked because I wanna know where I'll put my things." I explained and that made her loosen up before smiling widely.

"Ok!" She avoided me once again by taking care of my things. I laugh as I watch her set my things quickly and dragged me out of the guest room.

The entire day was spent really nicely, we cuddled on her couch and catch up on things and made plans for tomorrow.

I am laying on our shared bed, casually browsing through my phone. I knew that it was probably not a good idea to scroll through comments. But I did, I scroll to the comments on my latest post.

Luckily, it was all good. Fans are saying that they missed me already and and I thought it would be a good idea to go live for a quick update.

"Oh hi everyone." I wave my hand as I was trying to find a comfortable and nice position so I could record myself properly.

"How's everyone?" I read the comments, and they did not disappoint like always. They are so dear to me.

"Flight's good, some problems with going to the airport though." I updated them enthusiastically. I interacted with them. Joking and asking them things and vice versa.

"How's the korean?" I read out loud without thinking, I laughed as I realized the question. "It's been great." I answered carefully. I didn't even noticed Sooni entering the room. Not until she laid on top of me, her lower body on the bed and her arms wrapped around me.

She rested her chin on my chest while looking at me lovingly. Thinking that I'm talking to my friend. In instinct I played with her hair while reading the comments.

She adjusted and buried her face on my neck for a moment. I put the phone down when she reach for my lips. I cup her face our lips dance against each other passionately.

We made out, missing moments like this because it's really been a while. "Are you live?" She asked when we parted. I nodded and reached for my phone. The comments going wild because of our interaction.

"I'm screen recording"

"Did anyone heard the sounds? Or it's just me👀"

" the Korean is doing really great~"

We read the comments and look at each other with straight faces before bursting out of laughter. "That's gonna be my new nickname" Sooni said, shaking her head in fake sadness before burying her face on my neck again.

"My poor Sooni." I purred, teasing her. I constantly teased her during the live. We're both answering questions while Hyo Won is feeding me.

She casually fed me while I answered the questions that is directed to me enthusiastically. Hyo Won expresses her love through actions.

We took turns feeding each other, we talked with the fans. Even taking turn holding the camera, but when she noticed how it's hard to find a stable angle.

"Let me, love" she ask for the phone, then she took a tripod so it's less hassle. I am watching her endearingly as she sets up the phone.

Once it's done, she went back to her place. She's behind me. Her chin on my shoulder while her hands are wrap around me.

We continue the live like that. The fans took note of everything. For sure this would go big and some of them approving and accepting our relationship.

They were shocked because of the different sides of us are revealed. And they were the ones to witness it raw. They realize how both of us are being ourselves with each other and are happy that we are happy.

𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪

(not proofread and sorry for the ending. I am sleepy already)

#street woman fighter 2 #prowdmon #street woman fighter x reader #swf x reader #swf imagine #street woman fighter 1 #mannequeen #swf2 x reader #lip j #hyo won #wacking #lip j x reader #sooni x reader #jo hyo won x reader #lgbtq #sooni #jo hyo won

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siodium · 7 months

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KOREA DAY 7: MYEONGDONG AND HONGDAE STREETS 🐈‍⬛

our last full day in korea!! decided to roam around myeongdong and hongdae more bc we didn't have any specific plan. except to have isaac toast for breakfast/lunch. the shrimp sandwich was delicious~

also spotted a kimbap place next to isaac toast and i realised i haven't had kimbap at all during this trip?? so i got one just to check it off my mental to-do list. i had a bit of trouble chewing through the seaweed but otherwise the taste was pretty good.

afterwards we went to a cat cafe (cat playground 고양이놀이터 myeongdong branch) that we saw on our way to isaac toast!! there were so many cute and floofy cats there!! some of them looked so grumpy like i owed them money but that's cute too.

dinner was at a jeon place in hongdae?? unfortunately i didn't catch the name of the restaurant. the seafood jeon was sooo good omg. there was also honey makgeolli on the menu and i wanted to try so i ordered but our server wanted to see both of our IDs even though i was the only one drinking (ban doesn't drink) and ban left her phone in the hotel so she didn't have any form of ID on her. the exchange that ensued was so funny LMAO. it was a comical back and forth of "pls i'm flattered that you think i'm not even 19 years old but i'm actually almost 30" and "no i need to see your ID". in the end i did a google translate of "she doesn't have her phone with her and she won't be drinking" on my phone and the server let us have the alcohol heheh. i'm glad that i didn't have to forgo the drink bc it was actually so tasty (and also hard to find in sg?? i heard).

after dinner, we strolled around hongdae and checked out some of their clothing stores. saw a rly nice skirt but i didn't get it cuz i couldn't justify $80 for the last piece. :/

we wanted to stretch out our last day as much as we could so at around 10 pm when the stores started to close, we went to get a mango cheesecake bingsu at sulbing to share~

ofc couldn't pass up an opportunity to take more pics at a photobooth for the last time on this trip!! we're pros now.

more pics (mostly cattos) + our chaotic return flight day under the cut ↓↓↓

KOREA DAY 8: LOTTERIA, MADE BY, BACK HOME 🐸

we had a flight at 11 am but we overslept and only woke up at 10 am. 💀 it was not a good idea to leave all the packing to the last minute bc we were at it til 4 am?? ? there was no delay this time so we had to re-book our flight. luckily there was a t'way flight back to sg at 7 pm on the same day. phew almost got stuck in korea lmaoo.

welp after securing our flight tickets, we went to lotteria for lunch. no pics cuz i was kinda hungry bUT THE SHRIMP BURGER WAS SO GOOD. pls come to sg, lotteria sunbaenim.

we had less than 5 hours til check-in and it wasn't a lot of time but we decided to head back to the city area bc there was nothing to do at the airport. that caused another round of chaos LMAO. the trip to the city took about 1.5 hours which meant that we had pretty much only an hour to do whatever we wanted to do. we could only visit one last place due to the time constraint, so we went to check out a stationery store (made by) in hongdae that i bookmarked but we haven't been to. i dropped a good $50 there on cute stationery (and also partly out of stress bc i was upset about losing my hookkahookka studio tortoise keychain bUT it turned out i still had it?? the bead chain got stuck to one of my magnets so i didn't see the keychain when i was packing my suitcase).

what we didn't account for was that the airport railway would take 5000 to 6000 won per trip?? and ban didn't have enough on her transport card for our return trip to the airport. sooo there was a bit of panic at the station trying to find an ATM to withdraw cash to top up her card.

not us almost missing our flight for the second time in a day. @w@ we legit had to run across the airport to make it for check-in.

i've never heard of t'way but it's a korean budget airline?? the plane was so empty though. the entire middle section had like nobody?? and ppl were lying down across the seats trying to sleep??

i seriously considered to go lie down as well until the plane went free falling for like 3 seconds?? ppl were screaming and there was no announcement or anything to address what just happened?? idk after that ban and i were too scared to move out of our seats (i gave up my toilet going plans too) so we just stayed awake together for the rest of the flight watching a studio ghibli movie and some episodes of vanitas no carte (!! it was on my to-watch list for a long time and i finally started it!!). nothing else happened after that though.

anyway we made it back to sg safely!! i joined ban's family (minus her mum) for supper at a ramen place before heading back home to s L E E P.

#log #took a while to post about my korea trip but i'm finally done!!!

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nightglider124 · 6 years

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Japan: My Trip

Thought I’d put together a little photo diary of my two weeks in Japan because why not and I just like to share with my tumblr pals.

Read on to find out what I got up to.

Sunday 13th May

This was the day I flew out to Japan. I packed my bag and was ready to leave at 11am UK time. I’m not gonna lie to ya’ll, I was an emotional mess, leaving my family behind.

You should know, I’ve never been on a trip without my family and I’ve never been out of Europe. So, going out to Japan with just my best friend was a big thing for me. So, was pretty tearful and then my mum like burst into tears; she’s a worrier.

Anyway, my dad dropped me off at the airport to meet my bestie and we did all the boring airport stuff and soon enough, we were on the plane. The sky is ridiculously pretty at different times during an overnight flight or at least, a flight that crosses different time zones.

Pretty uneventful. I mostly ate, slept and wrote chapter 1 of CTD: Bound.

Monday 14th May

So, I arrived in Japan’s Narita airport at 11am.

Then I went up and grabbed my suitcase as well as going and grabbing my pocket wifi - Something that is tremendously helpful if you go to Japan. I don’t know what it’s like for you guys but in London, I pretty much have wifi anywhere I go whereas in Japan, it wasn’t as easy to come across; at least not for free.

The pocket wifi was a godsend. It can connect up to 10 devices and it lasts all day long when fully charged. Now, there were a couple times it tapped out but you just need to turn it off and turn it on again.

It cost about £60 for 2 weeks but if you’re going with people, it works out better. Me and my friend split it so we only paid £30 each but very worth it.

But, yeah, defo recommend this for anyone who is going to Japan. It was a big help, especially when needing to look up locations and/or directions.

Next, we went and grabbed our Japan rail passes which look like so:

This was probably the best thing I bought for Japan. Not even joking.

Even if you aren’t going very far, this thing helps so much. It’s a pass that allows you to use any trains that are owned by the JR company which is a fair amount that helps you get around Tokyo and surrounding districts. Note: You have to buy it before you fly to Japan and take the exchange form that comes in the post with you to Japan. You exchange it at the airport and they give you the passes above. Just make double sure your passport has been stamped because otherwise, they won’t let you have it.

Anyway, this was £310 for 2 weeks but again: WORTH IT. It does depend on what you’re doing but me and my friend were out and using transport every single day. We also went far. We went to Hiroshima, Kyoto and Osaka - All covered by the passes. And for example, £310 is basically a return ticket to Kyoto so you are already making your money back.

So, we picked these up and using them, hopped on the shinkansen (bullet train) to Shinjuku (Sound familiar, Titan fans? Yes, it’s the ‘roughest part of town’ according to Robin in the Trouble in Tokyo movie). It took about an hour and then we checked into our hotel which was: Shinjuku Prince Hotel.

It was a really nice hotel actually. The staff were friendly and spoke really good English. I recommend staying here; it’s right in the heart of busy Shinjuku and was only 5 mins from the station. We booked a deluxe twin room because two rooms worked out more expensive and it was not too shabby at all. I didn’t actually take any pictures so I snubbed some off google.

Anyway, we were running a little late and we had tickets to the Studio Ghibli museum so naturally, I was freaking out because the website expresses that they are strict on being on time for your slot. I nearly had a breakdown because... dunno if ya’ll remember but I had a right time trying to get a hold of these tickets. They sell out so quickly it is unreal. Anyway, our slot was 4pm and they only allow you to be 30 mins late.

We arrived at 4:50pm and I was close to tears as I ran into the park it’s situated in. I was so annoyed and so scared they weren’t going to let us in. But...

They did!! The guy was so sweet; I think he could see by my face how much I wanted to go inside. He was like all smiley and was like it’s okay, go on in. I was like THANK YOU JESUS. Here are some photos:

They don’t allow photography inside to preserve the magic of visiting. And honestly, it was so nice inside. It felt just like a Ghibli movie and seeing the animation process and the short film and the original drawings... it was all so amazing. Being a Ghibli fan makes this 1000% better but it’s still great for people who aren’t as into it. My friend isn’t really into Ghibli movies but she thought it was still pretty cool whereas there was me in like awe over all of it.

Anyway, we stayed there about an hour and as you can imagine, we were frazzled af. We were tired from the flight but I wanted us to force ourselves to stay up so jet lag wasn’t as much a problem.

After, we made our way back to Shinjuku where I took some pics from my hotel room:

Then we grabbed some McDonalds which was literally just across from us; something quick so we didn’t starve. I facetimed my family, showered and fell asleep.

Tuesday 15th May

So, the first full day we were there, it was a more chilled, sightseeing day. Nothing too taxing and we felt a lot more refreshed after a proper sleep.

First, we went and checked out the Tokyo Imperial Palace which was really pretty but we couldn’t go inside. It was mega hot the entire time we were in Japan; I thought I’d die. I hate the heat.

And because I was out in the heat all day and didn’t think to put suncream on... yeah, you can see where this is going...

More on that later, because then we carried on to the Yasukuni shrine which is just down the street from the East Gardens of the palace.

The shrine was cool and everything was so pretty; very tranquil and peaceful.

In the afternoon, we headed over to the Sunshine City mall in Ikebukuro where I forced my friend into the Pokemon Centre Store which was LIT.

I was fucking excited, ya’ll. I got some really cute stuff too. Got myself some Mimikyu chopsticks, an Eevee tail key holder, a Pikachu glasses case, a Pikachu makeup bag and a little Mimikyu figure bc Mimikyu is a fave and I have no cool stuff with it on.

I also got my brother most of his souvenirs in here because we have loved Pokemon since the dawn of time. I mean, we’ve fallen out of it in recent years because all the new gen pokemon etc... we’re more for the original pokemon and original series and games. Seriously, when kids come up to me like, do you even know Pokemon I’m like bitch step back you don’t even KNOW. It’s like I got a Pokemon CD for my brother and it had a japanese version of one of the songs from the first movie and we were like screaming. That film man, don’t even look at me.

Ahem... the Pokemon store was so wicked but mega expensive like shit son. Glad I took so much money with me because I NEEDED IT.

After the Pokemon store, we went down a level to the Studio Ghibli store where I didn’t get as much stuff as I thought I was gonna.

But, I got a Spirited Away fan with No Face on it, a Totoro and No face figure as well as a Totoro bib and hat for my niece.

Then we went and had fooood where I noticed... I was extremely sunburnt... Like in the below pic, you can’t see it that much because it hadn’t really come out full pelt yet.

Pls ignore my hamster face but see my chest? Burny burny burnt burnt. I got back to the hotel later that night and I had the shakes where it was hot and all the heat was there rather than all over. It was horrible.

I’m lucky I decided to wear full on makeup that day otherwise my face would have gotten buuurnt. Well done, Estee Lauder foundation, well done.

But yeah, it wasn’t the best end to the day because then I was all uncomfortable and my skin was sensitive and I was mad at myself for not putting on cream so then I got all upset and cried but I think I was still tired from the journey too and I was overwhelmed but yeah; kinda sucked.

Other than the sunburn, I also didn’t pack shorts for under my dress so my thighs rubbed and were in agony as well as my vans gave me like 4 blisters on each foot so I couldn’t walk or at least was in extreme pain when I tried so getting back to the hotel was a damn hoot.

Besides all that, it was a pretty good day!

Wednesday 16th

This was the day we trekked all the way down to Hiroshima which is like a 5 hour journey by train. We had to take two trains but it was actually not too bad. It certainly didn’t feel like it took that long to get down to Hiroshima.

One thing I will say about longer train journeys; remember to reserve a seat. Some like the one from Narita Airport are reserve only so you have to reserve a seat for it. But, others don’t need it and have “non reserved” cars but mark my words, if you’re travelling on these trains at a busy time, it really pays off to reserve a seat. We didn’t for Hiroshima and whilst we found seats for the 3 hour part of the journey; on the second train, we had to stand for like 45 minutes because there were no seats and then even when we did get to sit down, it was separated so yeah; book your train seats, people.

Once we arrived in Hiroshima, we hopped on a ferry which took us to Miyajima island. It’s about a 10 minute journey and once again, it’s covered by the JR pass. I loved that thing to death not even kidding.

Here’s some pictures I took on the ride over:

This island is home to the big red Torii gate that people may know of. I picked up some cute souvenirs and ate katsu. And there were even deer roaming around the place! A couple got married too whilst we were visiting and it was so nice. Again, it was mega hot so I was dying from that aspect but otherwise, I could live on this little island.

Unfortunately, we spent so much time at the island; we didn’t get round to doing the two other things we had planned which were seeing Hiroshima Castle and the Atomic dome memorial. I was kinda bummed by not seeing those but the last train was at 5pm and we weren’t staying the night so we had to get said train. It was okay though; it’s something to add to the list of things to see when I eventually revisit.

We got back at about 10pm and then it was lights out because we were exhausted.

Thursday 17th May

This was another sightseeing day that was fairly local considering we were pretty tired from Hiroshima still.

We traveled over to Asakusa which has the lovely Senso-ji temple and shrine. It was really cute, the walk up to the temple is lined with all these little shops and souvenir like places which have charms and fans etc. Really nice.

Inside, they do this thing where you pay 100 yen and you shake a metal box that contains lots of sticks with numbers on. When you bring out a stick, you find the number it matches and you bring out the fortune. You get a good fortune, regular fortune or bad fortune. I got myself a regular ol’ fortune XD.

But, they also have this rack so that if you get a bad fortune, you tie it to the rack to rid yourself of the bad fortune whereas a good or regular one; you would carry it with you.

Other than that, we hung out and then went back to our hotel for a while before heading out again to check out the nightlife of the area. Everything was mega lit up and was so nice. We went and grabbed dinner and also went and got crepes. They were a m a z i n g. Like they were so good ugh.

After that, went back, showered and slept. Pretty uneventful day; just being touristy.

Friday 18th May

Again, more sightseeing on this day. We went and saw the Tokyo Metropolitan Building and looked out over Tokyo.

Then, we went to the Meiji Shrine.

Aaand lastly, we went to Shibuya for the evening.

Yes, those are people dressed as characters from Mario Kart driving in the streets of Tokyo. This place was crazy. XD

After seeing the crossing scramble that is so infamous, we trekked back to the hotel and fell asleep.

Saturday 19th May

This day we literally went on trains all day to collect stamps. In Japan, they do these things called Eki stamps which are stamps you can find at stations, museums, shrines, tourist spots etc.

I haven’t got any pictures of mine but i got like 50 of them whilst I was in Japan. Going on one train line at all the stops got me like 30.

We had nothing else planned on this day so my friend suggested the collecting stamps XD.

Sunday 20th May

This was one of my two absolute favourite days whilst I was there. It was the day I went and saw Mt Fuji and went into Aokigahara forest.

It was approx 2 hours from Tokyo but we’d booked a tour instead of trying to do it ourselves. It worked out a lot easier. When we reached the highest point you can go to on Mt Fuji, by vehicle anyway, we had 30 mins to sightsee. We took pictures and went into the souvenir shop etc.

My god, it was so frickin’ cold up there. Obviously. We were high off the ground like shit, it was freezing. But, pretty pictures.

We then went caving in an ice cave that is iced over all year round and is not usually open to the public.

After that, we were taken back to Shinjuku where we grabbed food and went back to sleeeep.

Monday 21st May

We went to Kyoto on this day. We managed to see all we wanted to as well but then again, Kyoto was only a 2 and a bit hour train ride away.

When we got there, we saw the Fushimi Inari Taisha.

They were pretty but boy, was there a lot of people. I had to wait for so long to get pictures with none of very few people in it.

Then, we headed over to Kinkaku-ji which is this golden temple.

Again, very pretty.

Lastly, we checked out the Arashiyama Bamboo grove which was pretty also.

After that, we headed home to our hotel. We had an exciting day the next day.

Tuesday 22nd May

TOKYO DISNEYLAND, BITCHES.

I was excited and I can see why people hype Disneyland up. No matter which one you visit, there is this big sense of nostalgia and magic. It was unforgettable and wasn’t half as busy as some theme parks get here. But, I suppose we did go on a Tuesday.

Would hate to see it on a weekend.

The mike melonbread was delicious <3

Disneyland catered to the childish side of me and I loved every single bit of it. <3

Wednesday 23rd May

On this day, we visited Osaka which is about the same sorta time out from Tokyo as Kyoto is. Again, not too much going on. We checked out Osaka Castle.

And then, we checked out Dotonbori which was also very cool.

After that, we headed back to Tokyo. There wasn’t too much we were desperate to see in Osaka and it was raining which wasn’t the nicest.

Thursday 24th May

Last full day meant Harajuku and Shibuya for shopping day. I haven’t got any pictures but omg we went and did those purikura photo things? They are hilarious. It was funny doing them but even looking at them; they funny XD

I bought a bunch of stuff for myself as well as my family as souvenirs. It was funnn.

Friday 25th May

The day I flew home to London :(. I was sad to leave Japan but I was really happy to be coming home. No matter how much you may call your country a shit place, there’s no place like home.

Omg, I went over my bag weight limit with all the stuff I bought. I’m allowed 23kg and my suitcase was 27kg -.-

I paid £65 for that extra weight because I was not about to be that person who opens their suitcase in the middle of check in trying to decrease the weight XD

Pretty straight forward afterwards. I flew home and when I got to my house, my family let me have reign on dinner so we got KFC.

So, that is what I got up to in Japan. I loved every minute I was there. It is so very different than London and it has much more beauty than any city I’ve been to has.

I can’t wait to go back someday and I encourage anyone and everyone to go there. It is something else! <3

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end! I appreciate it ^.^

#night in japan #night wants to travel #nightglider124

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allineednow · 7 years

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<p>'Never send nudes, and keep swearing tame': a WhatsApp survival guide</p>

It's funny how fast programs have become shorthand for regular tasks: we now go on "Tinder dates", a takeaway is "a Deliveroo", taxis give way to "getting an Uber". And when it comes to sharing confidences and keeping in touch, we are all WhatsApping. The preposterously named program, which sounds like an unwelcome thumbs-up throughout the dance floor, has become the preferred method of communication for 1.2 billion of us -- leaving mails, texts and (obviously) face-to-face conversation in the dust.

WhatsApp plus -- and quite a huge minus, if you think about it -- is that anyone can use it. It's free, and makes chatting in a group easy -- almost too easy as you spend half your time being added to classes and trying desperately to catch up and decode their in-jokes. Leaving is not an option unless you want to be accused of flouncing. There are.

How to leave a group is the first thing you need to learn: it's like assessing when you board a plane, where the exits are. Yes, you can mute the group (stopping notifications unless you check); but if you want to cut all ties, seasoned quitters advise making an exit first thing in a morning, when everybody's too busy commuting to care or re-add you, or slipping out through a particularly busy chat flurry. Or you could be upfront-ish, with speech any WhatsApper would understand: no information left to chat, taking a rest due to work commitments, jealous spouses. A couple of promises that they can re-add you soon (they'll forget) and you'll be blissfully out of the loop but still on everybody's Christmas card list.

WhatsApp chat. Yes, you have a job and a mortgage, but in this group titled Parentals, Mothership or La Famille Jones -- you're a teenager again. Eyes roll at your parents' screeds --"fgs just press SEND after each sentence, Dad"-- and molars grind at Mum's accidental cry-laughing emoji in reaction to the death of a relative, or use of "selfie" to describe any photo with a face in it. It is enough to immunise you.

Say "Mum, please don't use the aubergine emoji when speaking about your dinner."

Do not say"I am considering spending Christmas abroad this season. That's OK, right?" *sends gif of Mariah in Santa hat*

Arm's-span friendships

You've nothing in common any more, other than being at college together, and there's enough material between you to sink your careers, so what better way to maintain the illusion of a friendship than WhatsApp? Group chats play out like soap operas -- homes are purchased, infants are born promises of catch-up beverages are made -- without you needing to reunite in the flesh. Perfect.

Say"Need to catch up soooon. I will ping over some dates."

Do not say"OK, so I am free on the 20th, 21st and then any day the week after that. Any good? Let us get it in the diary."

Secret work groups

Work email is a thing. It is too... official. Want to flout HR's watertight networking policy that is social? WhatsApp to the rescue! Workmates are going underground to share outré remarks, slag off the tea bags in the "shared breakout area" (one clapped-out toaster and a flock-patterned feature wall) and lightly bully each other -- the kind of conversations even the workplace Slack dare not host. Christmas time is usually burst around by the bubble, when one colleague gets on the house red and blurts out a WhatsApp-only secret. It is over, shut it down. And update your CV.

Say Anything you like, but don't forget to give all bosses codenames.

Do not say"Hi, this is Ciaran from HR -- I believe you added me by mistake a few weeks ago?" Not cute, mate. Not. Cute.

The travel organisers

Starting with an ominous "SO GUYS..." the group's self-appointed senior planner -- somebody who enjoys "icebreakers" and company away days -- gets to work. Whether they are arranging a stag or hen weekend, a group holiday or, worse, a wedding, buckle in for repeated deposit asks, "I will be online from 3am searching for flights", "Guys, are we definitely skipping life drawing? What about paintballing?" And rumblings about diverse income levels within the category.

Not going and never intended to anyway? Cool, but it's not over for you. Leaving the group makes you a buzzkill, so you'll have to endure the endless preamble of, "I am on my way! Line me up a Singapore sling!" , banter-packed, and drunken pics of the basics on tour, hungover reminiscences as everyone makes their way home.

Say"Sounds wonderful. A shame I can't make it. Have fun." Then throw your telephone to a body of water.

Do not say"I want to know how much and I will see you at the airport." Again: Phone. Throw. Splash.

Real Housewives gif. Does this mean yes? Or no? This lack of attention necessitates, finally, the creation of another group --"TEXT ORIENTATION ONLY PLS"-- which goes brilliantly until Anwar from the Wakefield office digs out that gif again.

Say"Great! Big fan of centred text for headings."

Do not say"Slightly off-topic, but..."

Bitchy splinter groups

Daunting fact there's an offshoot devoted to slagging everyone off. You want to bitch about the bitching. And Mark is really annoying, is not he? And twist what Julia said just now, amiright?!

Flipping between the two requires wily efficiency and sharp attention to detail, so you don't drop a truth bomb in the thread. What's that? Your group doesn't have a tributary? I have some bad news: that the call is coming from inside the house.

Say"I just think Phil's gif of me spilling tomato juice down myself was in bad taste. He is a bastard. And so is everyone else, except us."

Do not say "I've screenshotted EVERY word and I am messaging this to Phil NOW."

Housemates

Same old arguments -- outstanding council tax, washing-up rotas, pleas to prevent leaving boxer shorts on the bathroom floor -- but now with the extra drama of distance and technology, bitchy digs sent out to the ether and met with deafening silence, with nobody daring to break as the stress ticks stack up. See also the drunken message sent out at closing time warning you your housemate will be "bringing a few mates back" or, "I've pulled, so best wear some earplugs."

Forewarned is forearmed, and WhatsApp is the for a showdown in the shared kitchen. One could become wistful.

Say"Sorry about last night. How about a big house dinner to make it up to you guys?"

Do not say"Dunno who owned that chablis in the refrigerator, but it's given me gut-rot."

Competitive parents

Now that child-rearing is a vocation, rather than something people do to fill up their bedroomsmedia is essential for performative parenting. That NCT or nursery group WhatsApp chat may start off as a place to share information, cute pics or meet-up dates, but it's soon a hive of birthsplaining, endless comparison and thinly veiled poisonous pile-ons.

Members lacking, perhaps, regular adult conversation and all sense of nuance means even the most naive hints or pointers are dismissed with acidic jokes, boasting, gaslighting and derisive contradictions starting, "Well, actually..." until it's all-out war.

Say"Proud mummy! ''``Just gorgeous! Well done! ''``What would we do without your hints, Stephanie?"

Do not say"Actually I am FINE with my Hugo's vocabulary and BTW, Stephanie, your Lola looks like John Bercow."

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One false move, and you might be swamped by the dialogue from hell. Dos and don’ts for the eight classes you avoiding

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