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maladjusted-nerd · 3 years

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Starsky and Hutch’s Girlfriends (and Their Hair Color)

[PBS announcer voice] This post is brought to you by the time I was reading The Ollie Report for Bounty Hunter and came across the memorable line: “Again, Starsky is drawn to the dark-haired girl, Hutch to the blonde. Exogamists they are not.”

These are the two ladies in question, respectively:

I thought of this quote a lot as I continued watching the show, because it was quite often relevant. But then I got to Starsky’s Lady, and suddenly Hutch’s date wasn’t a blonde! I began to wonder about the quote, and the truth of the sentiment behind it (which is by no means specific to that one blog). Did Hutch really tend to go for the blondes, and Starsky for the dark-haired women?

So like any sane person, I decided to spend a billion hours of my life making a long-ass photo-heavy meta post that hopefully someone will care about. If anyone actually finds this information interesting or useful I will be happy, buuut I guess if nothing else it gives us an excuse to look at a bunch of pretty ladies.

How did I decided who’s here: I started with the list of women from the Canon Compendium’s Girlfriends and Dates page, added anyone whom I felt the boys made a “concerted effort” to flirt with, and then threw out a few people I didn’t think belonged. I tried my hardest to be objective, but making this list was by no means an exact science and several times it really just boiled down to “do I personally believe she should be on here” so like people will have different opinions on that and it’s fine! Spice of life or whatever.

As for the actual contents of the list: I will state each woman’s name and the episode she’s in. (If she doesn’t have a name she’s listed as Jane Doe. This is a cop show, after all.) I will state her hair color-- for Reasons and also My Sanity the only options are “blonde” or “darkhaired” (not blonde), but hair color is fucking weird and sometimes it was a guess so feel free to think otherwise. I will also state the reason that she’s here, aka the nature of her relationship with Hutch or Starsky (or both)-- so spoiler warning for pretty much everything, I guess.

Also fair warning that sometimes I was too lazy to get a good picture, or it was just actually impossible (newsflash: discos have bad lighting). Rip to any women I may have made look bad, you’re all beautiful queens and I love you.

Pre-Show

Vanessa (Hutchinson Murder One)- Darkhaired. Hutch’s late ex-wife and all-around terrible person.

Laura Kanen (Deckwatch)- Blonde. Hutch’s ex-girlfriend.

Helen Davidson (Lady Blue)- Blonde. Starsky’s late ex-girlfriend.

Kathy Marshall (Fatal Charm)- Darkhaired. A stewardess friend of theirs; it’s never said she’s an ex BUT she kisses Hutch square on the mouth in greeting and is Starsky’s date for dinner/disco. And she dances with both of them. Good enough for me!

Season 1

Hutch

Jeannie Walton (The Fix)- Blonde. His girlfriend at the start of the episode but not by the end! (Rip king)

Molly (Pariah)- Darkhaired. Stewardess friend/one-night stand? Something like that. Also his date at the end.

Jane Doe (Deadly Imposter)- Blonde. His date at the party.

Abigail Crabtree (Deadly Imposter to Vendetta)- Blonde. The only girlfriend we see in several episodes!! (The only girlfriend that lasts several episodes, whoops.)

Starsky

Jane Doe (Pariah)- Blonde. His date at the end.

Jane Doe (Deadly Imposter)- Darkhaired. His date at the party.

Amy (The Hostages)- Darkhaired. She works at a café that he’s going to for a second time, to let her know he’s ~available.

Sharman Crane (Running)- Darkhaired. They had a semester of woodshop together in junior high and then they kind of fall in love while he’s helping her dry out.

Season 2

Hutch

Abby (Deadly Imposter to Vendetta)- Still blonde. Miraculously still his girlfriend. (Until she isn’t.)

Gillian Ingram (Gillian)- Blonde. His now-late girlfriend who fucking deserved better.

Jane Doe (Gillian)- Blonde. Lady at the bowling alley that Starsky discreetly tries to set him up with.

Christine (Starsky’s Lady)- Darkhaired. His date of the episode.

Starsky

Vicky (The Las Vegas Strangler)- Darkhaired. They don’t really get a chance to go on an official date but they kiss a bunch and he’s really sweet on her and it’s cute.

Andrea (Vendetta)- Darkhaired. His picnic date.

Nancy Rogers (Gillian)- Darkhaired. His bowling date.

Terry Roberts (Starsky’s Lady)- Darkhaired. His now-late girlfriend who, like Gillian, also fucking deserved better.

Laura Stevens (The Velvet Jungle)- Blonde. They’re on a date at the end, but it should also be noted they meet when she accidentally knocks him into a dumpster. You know, like the start of any good romance.

Sharon Freemont (Starsky and Hutch Are Guilty)- Blonde. His evil lawyer girlfriend. (Not that he knows she’s evil.)

Both

Jane and Bobette (The Vampire)- Jane is the blonde on the right, Bobette is the darker blonde on the left. Starsky and Hutch mix up their names so it’s hard to tell which girl they actually like better, and also they’re twins so like does it even really matter?

Officer Sally Hagen (The Specialist)- Darkhaired. Starsky kisses up her arm in her first scene (someone please file a workplace harassment suit against him), and then at the end he and Hutch keep wrapping their arms around her waist. But she does get to flip both of them over her shoulder, so it kinda evens out.

Season 3

Hutch

Dianna Harmon (Fatal Charm)- Darkhaired. His possessive, violent nurse girlfriend. (You can really pick ‘em, Hutchinson.)

Dr. Judith Kaufman (The Plague)- Darkhaired. He tries so hard, but twas not meant to be.

Molly Bristol (The Collector)- Darkhaired. His girlfriend du jour.

Anna Akhanatova (A Body Worth Guarding)- Blonde. He’s technically her bodyguard and then they spend like two whole days making out. Good for them.

Mary (Class in Crime)- Blonde. His fishing date.

Starsky

Jane Doe (Murder on Playboy Island)- Darkhaired. Undercover agent he flirts with at the bar.

Rosey Malone (I Love You Rosey Malone)- Blonde. The entire plot revolves around him falling in love with her and it really doesn’t end well.

Jane Doe (The Collector)- Darkhaired. His date at their late-night deli party. (Bonus Starsky in the picture, hi Starsky!)

Sharon Carstairs (The Heavyweight)- Blonde. Their canoodling on his couch gets interrupted by Important Case Matters, and she winds up getting re-engaged to her ex-fiancé (ex-ex-fiancé?). Rip to a king.

Rachel (Class in Crime)- Darkhaired. His fishing date.

Caitlin (Class in Crime)- Her hair almost has a red tint but it’s otherwise undefinable. Car saleslady/one-night stand.

K.C. McBride (Quadromania)- Blonde. They have a nice taxi date (although he’s been sleep deprived all episode, poor boy, and falls asleep).

Both

Christine Phelps (The Heroes)- Blonde. She makes them lose all their braincells, it’s painful to witness. This episode hopes you will forget the actress was Gillian last season.

Julie McDermott (The Action)- Blonde. Starsky wins the kerfuffle for her but Hutch definitely makes a good go of it.

Lisa Kendricks (Foxy Lady)- Blonde. They drool and fight over her for half an episode like they did with Christine and it’s embarrassing.

Season 4

Hutch

Paula (Photo Finish)- Darkhaired. He’s like her date at the party, and also the end.

Kate Larrabee (Cover Girl)- Darkhaired. An old friend of his. It starts out just as a comfort thing but they quickly become very friendly.

Marlene (Starsky’s Brother)- Darkhaired. Starsky steals her from Nicky as a Big Brother Power Move but Hutch winds up with her at the bar.

Marianne Owens (Ballad for a Blue Lady)- Darkhaired. I don’t really know what’s going on here but there’s Something (and there’s a lot of parallels with Rosey Malone, so).

Starsky

Sergeant Lizzie Thorpe (Discomania)- Blonde. Technically Hutch talks with her more, but Starsky does most of the flirting.

Jane Doe (Discomania)- Darkhaired. He spends literally five minutes dancing with her. Is it relevant to the case? No. Does he care? Also no.

Emily Harrison (Blindfold)- Darkhaired. He accidentally blinds her during a case so he starts hanging out with her out of guilt but I feel like he also kinda falls in love; they kiss at one point anyway.

Marcie Fletcher (Photo Finish)- Blonde. His photographer girlfriend.

Officer Dee O’Reilly (Strange Justice)- Blonde. His meter maid girlfriend. They have a date at the end!

Jane Doe (Dandruff)- Darkhaired. He’s making out with her at the beginning.

Detective Joan Meredith (Black and Blue)- Darkhaired. It’s Heavily implied they slept together. (Side note love u Meredith!)

Melinda Rogers (The Groupie)- Blonde. He has a date with her at the end. (Yeah she slept with Hutch, but he was undercover and proceeds to lowkey rebuff her in the tag, so I’m not counting it.)

Katie (Starsky’s Brother)- Blonde. His date at the nightclub.

Both

Allison May/Laura Anderson (Targets Without a Badge parts 2 & 3)- Darkhaired. They both try to court her before Starsky realizes she’s his childhood friend (although they do make another go of it in the tag).

Kira (Starsky vs Hutch)- Blonde. Starsky’s girlfriend, although she says she’s also in love with Hutch so then they sleep together which Starsky is NOT thrilled about and it’s a very ugly mess.

Totals:

Hutch:

Pre-show: 3 (1 blonde, 2 dark) Season 1: 4 (3 blonde, 1 dark) Season 2: 6 (4 blonde, 2 dark) Season 3: 8 (5 blonde, 3 dark) Season 4: 6 (1 blonde, 5 dark) Overall: 26 (13 blonde, 13 dark)

(If the math looks weird, it’s cause Abigail counts for both seasons she’s in but only once overall.)

Starsky:

Pre-show: 2 (1 blonde, 1 dark) Season 1: 4 (1 blonde, 3 dark) Season 2: 8 (3 blonde, 5 dark) Season 3: 10 (6 blonde, 3 dark, 1 ??) Season 4: 11 (6 blonde, 5 dark) Overall: 35 (17 blonde, 17 dark, 1 ??)

(Thirty-five?? Calm the fuck down, Starsky.)

In conclusion:

“Exogamists, they are not” might have been true back at the end of season 1 when it was said, but it’s certainly not true by season 4/the end of the series. Hutch now seems to favor dark-haired women, and Starsky’s about half and half, although they both wind up with an equal split overall.

Do with that information what you will; I’m outta here.

#starsky and hutch #long post #adventures in meta #everyone say thank you canon compendium!#alternate titles: 'Fuck Me' and 'The Meta Post That Kicked My Ass'#dear god that was a lot #why can't i do productive things with my time....#anyway i'm taking a week's vacation now #major respect to people who do huge meta things cause this was exhausting #bless you all

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sage-nebula · 4 years

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just some personal stuff, do not reblog.

re: my tags on that quiz post --- My tendency to catastrophize is something I’ve dealt with pretty much my entire life, with some periods of it being worse than others, but I do have strategies and aids that I use to deal with it.

For one, my medication absolutely helps. While I take the medication primarily to deal with the physiological symptoms of my mental illness, the medicine taking care of the physiological symptoms (for the most part) means that I can devote more time and energy to dealing with the mental ones. Like, I’m not struggling to get my breathing or heart rate under control because the medicine mostly takes care of that for me, and since I don’t have to struggle with that, I can focus on the cognitive behavioral therapy techniques that help deescalate my catastrophizing. So it’s yet another reason why my decision to start medication two years ago was an excellent one; it helps me out a lot and I’m 100% down for taking it every day for the rest of my life. (And if my doctor at any point is like, “maybe you should stop” I’ll just be like oh, should I stop wearing my glasses, too? Not use any vision correction on the way home? We’re just getting rid of the disability aids we need to function willy-nilly now?? I see---or rather, I don’t, because you told me to toss my prescription glasses out the window, but hey!)

But I also do have cognitive techniques that I use to try to combat it, some of which I developed on my own before I even realized what I was doing. Like for instance, in my fourth year of university I had about a dozen things due for finals week. I don’t remember the exact count, but it was something like six papers, three presentations, five exams, something ridiculous like that. I made a post here on tumblr panicking about it, at which point one of my dearest friends in the world whom I love dearly told me I was screwed (which filled me with spite to prove her wrong, which actually helped in the long run because spite is a powerful motivator), but what’s actually important here is that, in the midst of feeling screwed (and also spiteful), I realized something. And that something I realized was: No matter what, finals week would be over in five days. If I got everything done, it would be over. If I got nothing done, it would be over. If I got some things done, it would be over. Finals week was going to end no matter what I did, and upon it ending, I would no longer have to worry about any of the assignments because, after that date, they would no longer matter or be relevant or hold any weight at all. Once that Friday hit, everything---including my stress---would be over, and there was nothing I could do about that.

But what I could do was get as much of it done as I could. So I made a To Do List (and really I should use those more often, because they help me so much when I feel overwhelmed), and I got to work, working on the things that were do sooner first. I think there might have been one or two things I couldn’t get done, but if I recall correctly, I finished almost everything. Sure, some of it was of questionable quality (I remember one presentation I gave in particular was too short and so I ended it kind of like “. . . okay I’m done now” djsklfds), but it was nonetheless done, I didn’t get a zero for it. And I was able to do it because instead of wasting time catastrophizing about how I was going to fail everything, I was instead able to focus on the fact that finals week was going to end one way or the other, so before that point I could make my To Do List and just do what I can. I couldn’t control finals week ending, but I could control my actions and behavior during finals week, which I did, and ended up successful because of it. (I also regularly updated the To Do List on tumblr, crossing items off as I did them, and looking at the increasing number of crossed off things was a form of self-encouragement and motivation. It worked really well.)

Of course, things like this don’t always work. There were periods in my life, including at least one after that, where my mental health was so incredibly bad that I catastrophized no matter what I told myself or what others told me. I literally had sobbing breakdowns over imagined bad scenarios occurring that were just . . . ludicrous, tbh, and had absolutely no basis in reality, but my panic disorder made me Absolutely Positive that they Would Come To Pass and no matter what I said or did, or what others said or did, it was like I couldn’t combat the ridiculousness that my brain was putting out. Those were dark times I don’t want to live again, absolutely (hence the medication and the CBT), but they did happen because my anxiety/panic disorder does come with a heavy dose of catastrophizing and always has. (And to that end I’ve always been something of a hypochondriac as well. I’ve forbidden myself to look at WebMD for YEARS because I absolutely WILL be convinced I have some horrible disease if I look up my symptoms on there. But even without that, I’m 100% that bitch who requests to have blood work done because I might have something even though I’m not even sure what it is I might have. Please test my blood Just To Be Sure, because I might be dying. I’m not dying, but I could be. You never know. I’m not, but what if. That said, when I got very sick in 2009 I was sure I had swine flu because there’d been an outbreak on my campus, and when I went to health services to turn myself in, this happened:

Nurse: “You do not have swine flu.”

Me: “Oh!” :)

Nurse: “You have bronchitis.”

Me: “. . . oh.” :(

So I mean, it’s not as if I was wrong thinking I was very ill, I was just wrong about what the illness was. I didn’t need quarantine, but I did need those antibiotics. And they were so big I couldn’t swallow them, so I put them into Oreos and ate them . . . which was gross, but not as gross as chewing them plain, and anyway, I had to take the antibiotics SOMEhow, so I did the right thing even if it was nasty.)

Anyway, there was no real point to this post. I just felt like musing on it, I guess. If nothing else, it’s good that I know this about myself, because it’s another check I have against my anxiety/panic disorder making my life way more difficult than it needs to be. And as anyone with mental illness can tell you, having as many checks against it as you can get is nothing but a good thing. :P

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