spirit that doesn't need sleep is still tired. can he ever escape

Hello there, I've mostly been lurking on this tag for a while but finally worked up the courage to ask for something.

Since you wanted to have some prompts for "pathetic" Kai, may I request / give you an idea ? First of all, it's so sad how few gay readers there are for this man, so could it be an x male reader ? Gender neutral is fine too, I'm just sick of seeing 'she's everywhere lol.

So my idea was that the reader somehow gets a hold of post Tartarus breakout Kai and takes care of him. Some nice simple fluff like idk, cooking a meal, bathing him etc.

Totally fine if you don't want this prompt, have a great day either way :3

as a gay dude who’s obsessed w him i would be delighted to anon, thank you for the ask!!

it is mostly fluff however i did get a bit carried away ngl i just can’t help myself w him he’s very kissable ok

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“chin up, please.”

kai’s golden eyes slowly roll to fix on yours and the long pause teases you with the possibility that he’s going to disobey before he does do as you’ve requested, tipping his head back and gazing dull at the mouldy ceiling. you sigh in relief that he’s not in one of his argumentative moods, something that’s becoming more and more regular these days, and despite your own feelings it is preferable to the zombie act. he’s becoming much livelier since you’d first taken him in which is a good thing. it’s been tough but you’ve always been patient and nothing if not persistent with those in need— and he needs you.

you dip the straight razor in the sink and flick a few water droplets off, taking gentle hold of his jaw and gliding the blade up his neck with practiced ease. it feels as erotic as you imagine it looks— two men in a cramped bathroom, half naked, touching. you really want to get off the edge of the bathtub and sit on him instead but there’s something stopping you. he’s unpredictable as he is alluring and you don’t want to ruin it. you can admit to yourself that you are enjoying this, that you’re enjoying his vulnerability and your role as his sole caretaker, glad that he relies on you for everything from changing clothes to feeding himself to something as simple as a shower and a shave. he’s not totally helpless but he’s definitely gotten used to being babied. it’s more than fine in your books, it feels good to protect and love him as he is. how terribly fond of him you’ve grown.

you’ve intentionally drawn out the last few scrapes and if he notices it he doesn’t mention it. underneath the overwhelming scent of shaving foam and cheap shampoo you can smell him. it’s barely there, naturally, for someone who demands a shower twice a day, but you can pick it up. it’s nothing but utterly pleasant and you want to bury your face into him and just inhale. for as many dirty fantasies as you’ve had about him, somehow that one feels peculiarly perverted. red faced, you pull back to inspect your work, tilting his head this way and that. his eyes don’t leave yours.

“you put any thought into a moustache yet?” you ask. the look he gives you speaks volumes of his thoughts on that. “just kidding.”

chisaki sighs deeply as you chuckle and grab a dry towel to dab his cheeks and neck with. you feel refreshed just touching his newly bare skin. inwardly you mourn the loss of his stubble but for the pleasure of shaving him alone you’ll let it go. he’s gorgeous either way and you let your admiration show. his nose scrunches up at the intense scrutiny and he shies away from you, as if you hadn’t just helped him wash himself.

“don’t do that,” you murmur, turning him back to face you. you doubt he’s ever put much thought into his looks but you are curious to know if he’s aware of how pretty he is. of all the words to describe a persons beauty you think that’s what suits him most. you’ve told him so, just to embarrass him.

affection was not something usually invited but you know his tells well enough by now to see that he’s wanting, another little thing that’s become more frequent the more comfortable he gets with you. you caress his cheek like he’s something precious and press your lips to his neck, open mouthed and slow and purely indulgent. you smile at the sigh this elicits and he all but melts into you, allowing you to run your hand through his auburn hair and wrap the other around him. he’s practically on top of you and still it’s not enough, you want him impossibly closer, so you take a risk at a potentially embarrassing fall or rejection and tug him onto your lap. it’s a pleasant surprise when he doesn’t disagree and gives you a smouldering kiss of your own, no stubble burn to accompany it. he tastes good and clean, so, so clean. you want to devour him.

after a minute of passion he rests his head on your shoulder, closing his eyes. flushed and breathing a little heavier, you rub your hand up and down the smooth expanse of his back, over rippling muscles that somehow survived his imprisonment. “okay?” you ask, breathless.

you feel him nod against you. “tired.” he mumbles. “we’d have to shower again.”

you laugh a little, squeezing him affectionately. “alright. c’mon then, we’ll dry your hair and go to bed. unless you’re hungry?”

“no.“

he makes no move to get off you.

“kai?”

he hesitates before he asks, so quiet you barely hear it. “… carry me?”

you wonder why now, after all you’ve done for him, he sounds so unsure. you give him a final kiss that you hope reassures and conveys your utter devotion to him. you haul yourself off the tub and carry him to bed, knowing that if he still had his arms, he’d be holding you just as tight.

Idk if anyone follows my posts enough to even notice this but you may have seen me talking about a lot of new things I've watched so far this year, both tv and film. I kind of made a mini resolution to do this because I found, especially at the end of 2023, that I was stuck in a rut of either rewatching old things or mindlessly flipping through YouTube videos I had little to no interest in. There's so much media out there I'm interested in and now I feel almost reinvigorated to go through it and I've been having a blast.

Most of the time I'll probably just reblog a gifset or two with thoughts in the tags but I finally watched the Interview with the Vampire tv show and I have FEELINGS (mostly good)! Spoilers for season one and I do talk about book things that eventually happen so beware in case you don't know and want to continue the show completely blind...

So I kinda put off watching this at first because the Vampire Chronicles books are some of my favourites, and while it did have its own issues, the 1994 film holds a special place in my heart. I was like... do we really need anything else? But I'm glad I gave it a chance because the show was able to go so much further in so many aspects and also now we have a chance to actually see even more of the book events take place!

I'm gonna say up front that almost every character felt very different from how they are in the book except for Lestat. Lestat was actual perfection and I cannot BELIEVE someone did a (dare I say) even better job than Tom Cruise who gave the performance of his life in the film. Sam Reid's Lestat is unhinged and dramatic and terrifying and sad and cringe and yet also loveable and it was a masterpiece of acting. For the majority of the other characters I really didn't mind the differences and in some instances I thought they were actually improved. Daniel Molloy, for example, who is basically Anthony Bourdain? Perfection. Louis who is yes kind of pathetic and dramatic like the book, but also is volatile and complicated which Lestat is drawn to right from the beginning instead of only after having his little breakdown caused by his brother's death? Excellent. Armand who is older and looks nothing like the Armand described in the books but I can see without any problem how Marius fell madly deeply insanely in love with him because he's GORGEOUS and has this unsettling serenity about him? Give. Me. MORE.

The only issue I really had was with Claudia. I see people praising her all over the place so I'm sure this is an unpopular opinion but I hated that they aged her up so much. The most compelling thing about Claudia as a character is that she is an adult woman trapped in the body of a literal CHILD. A pre-pubescent child. Not a teenager. It's absolutely horrifying and it should be horrifying. Now, I will say, I saw an article where they talked about part of the reason behind this choice being that they needed the actor to work longer hours and it was impossible for a kid to do that, plus the very intense material, and I fully FULLY support any protections for child actors because the industry is insane. But it does make me sad and I wish there was some way they could have worked around it. I get what they tried to do with teenage Claudia but it just fell flat for me. And also the actress really looks her age (I think she's 20?) so like the few times where people were making fun of her for "playing dress up" or whatever I'm like... she fully looks like an older teen at LEAST what are you talking about lol. Also I thought her accent was kind of bad.

But honestly, that was really the only problem I had with the whole series. I absolutely loved how they went full-on explicit with the Lestat/Louis romance and the chemistry between the two of them was... WOOF. I was actually really interested in the modern portions too, mostly because Anthony Bour-- I mean Daniel Molloy was so entertaining lol. I loved how he pushed and pushed at Louis and their whole back and forth was brilliant. Although putting on my archivist's hat for a second to be outraged at Daniel consenting to wearing the cotton gloves to handle the diaries but then eating a fucking sandwich right beside the book???? Absolutely not lol. It was so much fun to see the Armand reveal (which I was spoiled for somehow but that's ok) especially knowing that Armand eventually turns Daniel and boy oh boy I hope they go long enough to get to that. I loved the continued references to Lestat's love of music which makes me hope they're planting seeds to make rock star Lestat a little more believable lol (god can you even imagine?? And we don't talk about the Queen of the Damned movie ok).

As for S2, I'm so excited for Paris and the Théâtre des Vampires and HELLO Ben Daniels as Santiago!!! Omg so hype for that. And it's going to be so interesting to see the Armand/Louis relationship as well because I mean it's always going to be Lestat/Louis and Armand/Marius for me so Louis being like "he's the love of my life"... girl. (And speaking of Armand/Marius please GOD give us some flashbacks because they are my Vampire Chronicles OTP and I need to see that whole story including my girl Bianca thank youuuuu).

Yeah so overall I'm quite positive about the whole thing and sincerely hope that they get many more seasons because there's so many interesting stories in those books and we've only ever gotten a TINY portion on screen.

~couple questions~ for when you need an excuse to talk about your characters/ship 😽

8, 10, 16, 19, 22 and 25

Pick your fav pairings with your tav.

These are from the [~Couple Questions~: For When You need An Excuse to Talk About your Characters/Ship] list for anyone who either wants the list or wants to send some more!

Sorry this one took a while @csphire, I too got a little carried away and wrote probably way more than I was supposed to bwahahaha But I hope you enjoy! 😉 Obligatory disclaimer that there's some very horny/suggestive things in some of these answers, and also there WILL be spoilers for the plot of the game so like. Do not read if you're someone who hates spoilers and hasn't played through the whole game yet etc etc.

Also, I'm playing loosey-goosey with the lore in some respects because I'm here to have a good time, not a 100% canon compliant time. If you don't like that then just stay off my posts for the sake of both our sanities, I beg of you 🙏Rai is a polyamorous bisexual disaster and has a closed polycule with Karlach, Wyll and Dammon (tho I'm going on ~vibes~ and Wyll and Dammon aren't romantically/sexually involved bc I just didn't get that vibe from them while writing. It's a "ah yes, my girlfriends and their cool boyfriend : )" situation from both sides for the guys. They're purely platonic but they both love their girls a whole lot.) And before someone says it, no I don't care that it's not canon in-game. I don't need it to be canon in-game to do it anyway and I will die on this hill so don't try me /hj

commence the spoilers/horniness/etc under the cut! last chance to click away if you don't want to see that! XD (oh also trigger warning for mentions of child abuse/mistreatment, and...idk how best to word it other than discussions of being trained as a child soldier and references to past abuse and trauma. I've tried to blanket cover with trigger tags but ask if you'd like me to add any others I've missed!)

What do they find physically sexiest about each other? Going with Rai and Wyll for this one bc I think they have the best answers! ☺️

Rai: The ✨horns✨. Listen. I get why he's upset about them at first. I do. I totally get it. But come ooooonnnnn!! You CANNOT tell me those babies are anything except sexy as FUCK to tieflings. They're fucking beautiful horns, and I like to think Rai's a big factor in Wyll learning to "live with" his horns and maybe eventually like them. Just a little bit. She loves his horns and she'll use any excuse in the book to get her hands all over them. At first she was offering to help him with the horn care because he really had no clue & asked her & Karlach for help (tho Karlach wasn't touchable at the time so Rai had to step up for the physical "here like this" demonstration and that's prolly where it started lol) then it became a little intimacy habit between them, he doesn't need her help anymore but he's not going to say "no" if she asks/offers, ya know? :3 (honourable mention to the time drunk Wyll at the Grove party complained very loudly about having "bumps and stuff where they absolutely should not be" because Rai's only reaction to that was "OOH~ 👀💖" hahaha)

Wyll: This might sound like a weird one, but probably her tail? Rai's very tail-expressive, if she doesn't force it to keep still by wrapping it around her own leg (or someone else *wink wink*) then it's ALWAYS moving around or giving away her emotions in some way! It started out innocent enough in that his eyes were automatically drawn to it because it moves around so much. Even despite growing up in Baldur's Gate for some time and thus being around a fair few tieflings (from my limited understanding of the lore and stuff thus far, don't lynch me hardcore fans, I've never played tabletop 5E or the other baldur's gate games lmao) he'd never met a tiefling that moved their tail so much until he met Rai. But now he can't help but stare when he thinks she isn't looking (she totally knows and does things with it on purpose sometimes just to tease him because she knows Wyll is staring. Rai and Karlach have a running (playfully ofc) bet going about how long it's going to take Wyll to figure out that she knows he stares, he hasn't figured it out just yet 😉 lol) Honourable mention for her eyes bc he thinks they're very pretty uwu and not at all for smutty eye-contact reasons cough I mean what

What was their last big fight? What did they learn from it? You get a two-for-one with this one bc the two fights are interconnected (pov: one half of your polycule gets into a pretty major lovers' tiff and the other half gets dragged into it as collateral damage anyway. Sorry boys lol )

Both these fights are also the focal plot beats for a Hurt/Comfort oneshot, but alas, I can't get away with being too vague with this or the reasons why it was a fight kinda don't match up with the "what they learned from it" in the 2nd part of the question, so just act surprised a while from now when I post the fic, ok? XD(I've got all the dialogues and whatnot plotted out now, just gotta convert it to written prose 🫶 ) This one ran away with me and got REALLY long, sorry (or you're welcome, I guess? lol)

Rai and Karlach: disclaimer: I know in-game it all kinda happens in the same convo but for some ~creative liberty~ (because I love me some good ol' Hurt/Comfort angst) I chopped the convo in half with the first bit happening before the fight (bc something Karlach says in the heat of the moment kicks it all off) and the latter half of Karlach realizing she does still want to live and is upset that she's still dying happening a couple days later, after the spat is resolved.

Karlach technically starts it after she hits out when they've killed Gortash but I wanna be clear when I say both of them are at fault for it. This is not only their biggest fight but also a powder-keg type of situation where things built up over time till they both exploded at eachother for different reasons, see below :

Karlach's very stubborn about not wanting to go back to Avernus at first - even into Act 3. Wyll and Rai ofc offer to go with her, but initially that doesn't help Karlach feel better. The worst thing she could possibly think of is putting two of the people she loves more than anything through the nightmare that is the Blood War. So when Rai keeps bringing it up and keeps pushing her about it, she snaps. Listen, I love Karlach a LOT and I think she means well, genuinely, and would never hurt her partner's feelings on purpose/maliciously. But she's a Yeller when she gets mad - and with Rai that is a BAD kind of mad to be. We see this in-game especially if you have her with you when you run into Gortash, and her heartbreaking meltdown after you kill him.

Logically, Rai knows the autonomy of getting to make that decision - to choose her freedom even if it means that it comes with death as an unwanted consequence - is important to Karlach, and if she was thinking logically at the time she would of course want to respect that. In theory. In practise however, it turned out "just sit there and watch me die" was not a line Rai was willing to draw. She gets pushy about Dammon's suggestion that they should take Karlach back to Avernus to stabilize her Engine, even when Karlach insists she's made her mind up and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Rai keeps bringing it up over and over again, and insisting that she and Wyll would both go with her if it'd make it less scary for her, and just refuses to take "no" for an answer etc etc

By the time they kill Gortash and Karlach has her little meltdown she's just had enough of Rai throwing the suggestion into what feels like damn-near every conversation they've had since Dammon broke the news to them in Last Light. So she loses her temper and starts shouting before Rai can say it again.

And the thing about Rai is…she's emotionally reactionary. Whatever energy you give her, she'll bounce right back to you, she can't help it and hasn't quite figured out how to stop doing it at that point in time (though she does get better at it in the future!). If you keep your voice calm and level, she might growl and snap her teeth or smack her tail on something a little bit but eventually she'll match your energy and chill out to just talk about things. But if you yell and scream and shout and call her names? She's gonna yell, scream, and call you names back.

And that's exactly what happens. It's a huge miscommunication/misunderstanding between both of them. Karlach makes assumptions about Rai's past despite the fact that unlike Wyll and Dammon, she'd never really asked Rai about her childhood in Elturel or anything like that (again, I'll stress that I don't think this was done with deliberate malice, but I feel like being a little bit selfish is a realistic character flaw for Karlach to have. She's been through a lot and she gets tunnel-visioned on solving her own problems and when you pair that with Rai's brand of "too busy trying to fix everybody else to fix myself" trauma response and it's just an unfortunate combination. Rai never brought her own trauma up, and Karlach never thought to ask) So as a result, she thinks Rai "got lucky" not being in Elturel when it fell and that as a result, Rai is naïve and doesn't know "how bad" Avernus really was. Meanwhile, while she's certainly not as well-acquainted with it as Karlach and Dammon, Rai's not as ignorant as Karlach thinks. Her Mother Superior was a necromancy wizard, and one of Zariel's goons. The temple where Rai was "taken in" and raised was really just a front for training up either spellcasters or sword-fighters (depending on an individual's aptitude and uhh, the way they figured out where to funnel them was to use them as magical target practise until they either threw a spell back at their "tutors" or the staff agreed that it had been long enough and "they're too slow/useless at magic so idk just give them a sword I guess", basically - most of Rai's scars come from the early years where she was used as every other "student"'s magical punching bag, the rest are from Avarice's rituals, except for the one on the end of her tail which she got when Elturel came back and Rai didn't know the tieflings had been exiled so went back to try and look for Dammon, Rolan, Cal and Lia and ended up being attacked and driven off instead) to be ultimately sent to Avernus for Zariel to toss into the Blood War. She's been the unwilling participant in far too many necromancy rituals and while I haven't quite hammered out the full details of this yet, they were definitely not nice and she's definitely ended up looking some brand of devil or other in the eye before, during said rituals. I'm very much going for the angle of if Rai hadn't been assumed dead and left where she'd run off into the woods and she HAD been in Elturel when it went down? She'd have been just as fucked as Karlach was with Gortash. Straight to the Blood War with her, she would've been Infernal Engine prototype 2.0 and she and Karlach would've met fighting in the Blood War. Karlach doesn't know any of this, and thus makes a flippant off-hand comment that rubs the salt right into the open wound that is Rai's survivor's guilt without fully realising she's done it. Instead of staying to talk it out, Rai gets even angrier and storms off despite poor Wyll's best attempts to try and get between them and calm them down.

Dammon and Karlach: After Rai storms off, she finds herself going straight to Forge of the Nine. It's not a surprise really. She's known Dammon the longest and because Rai already felt bad that Wyll was in-between her and Karlach during their fight (they were having a screaming match in the middle of camp, it wasn't exactly quiet, or pretty D: ) she didn't want to make it worse for him by forcing him to pick a side, so Rai made the choice for Wyll and went to Dammon. Rai's so upset at first that Dammon's terrified Karlach's engine has exploded and Rai's here to tell him she's dead. When he finally calms her down enough for Rai to tell him what actually happened, he…doesn't feel that much better. He's too worried about Rai to go marching back to camp and confront Karlach himself, especially when she asks him "can I stay here tonight? I don't want to go back just yet". But he does stew (I like to think Dammon isn't one to get angry often. And even when he does he's not loud and shouty about it. It's more a broody, quiet, "give you the silent treatment" type of thing)

Karlach's the one, after she's calmed down, who ends up checking Dammon's place when the rest of the party split up the next morning to go looking for Rai after they realize she's still gone. Rai sleeps through Karlach's knocking (she had a hard night, did a lot of yelling/screaming and crying, ya girl passed tf out once Dammon wrangled her into a bath & then bed to sleep it off ;-; ) but Dammon doesn't. He tries to be patient with Karlach but when she starts posturing and growling and snapping at him, Dammon loses his temper right back. Again, he's not a Scream And Shout kind of angry but he is a "Do not raise your fucking voice at me!" kind of angry. It's a side of him that Karlach hasn't seen before and it stuns her so much that it shuts her right up, but Dammon keeps going. He ends up reading Karlach a bit of a riot act about how much, exactly, she'd hurt Rai's feelings because Rai was probably never going to admit it to Karlach herself and it gives Karlach some serious cause for self-reflection. Dammon and Karlach's fight only gets broken up when their back-and-forth finally gets through Rai's Sleepiness and she wakes up and stumbles down the stairs to find them mid-argument. Karlach feels so guilty when she locks eyes with Rai over Dammon's shoulder that she apologises on the spot, which leads to Rai apologising too and they work it out with a little bit of mutual encouragement from Dammon <3

As for what they learned from it: Rai defo gets the longest list but I'll do all 3 of them again bc why the hell not lol

Rai definitely learns to not let her emotions make her careless/less aware of her partners' feelings. As an orphan who was treated more like a tool/weapon by the main parental figure in her life (part of the reason, like Astarion and Karlach, that Astarion and Rai are besties. Cazador treated Astarion like a possession, Avarice raised Rai as a weapon and they're kindred spirits of sorts as a result despite Astarion complaining about Rai being "too nice" XD) for most of her formative years, Rai's emotional maturity very much comes from her stumbling face-first into the lessons/epiphanies herself lol

So she learns to be a bit less "keep my shit to myself but expect everyone to let me deal with their shit" and take up a bit more space/be a bit more communicative about her own trauma. "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you" and "Avernus fucking sucks and they're all haunted by it in some way or another" are the two overarching themes for Rai and her polycule 💖

She also learns to be a bit less impulsive. She ran off because she didn't want to force Wyll to "pick a side", but ended up doing exactly that to BOTH the boys, because she ran off first without thinking it through logically.

Karlach has a little "oh, shit" moment when Dammon sets her straight and she realizes that she never actually asked Rai anything about her time in Elturel or what it was like for her/why she danced around the subject. She just…made assumptions and didn't fact check or think that maybe her assumptions could've been wrong.

For my "version" of the story the snowball effect from this fight culminates in Karlach ultimately deciding that she doesn't want to die. She wants to LIVE. So when they get to the dock at the very end and Rai and Wyll tell her "we won't make the decision for you, but whatever you choose, we're with you". And she chooses Avernus in the end, because even though she's fucking terrified, the fact that after everything they've all been through with something from Avernus dogging their every effort to get away from it, both Rai and Wyll are still willing to go back too. For her. And if they can do it for her, then she can do it for them, and maybe buy Dammon enough time to figure out how to fix her heart for good. (I'm not crying you're crying /lh)

And she also learns that while she has a right to make her own decisions, she cannot presume to make those same decisions for anyone else in the polycule just because she thinks she's protecting them by doing it. She can make those decisions for herself, but she has to let them make theirs sometimes too, even if they're not the decision Karlach wanted them to make.

(honourable/slightly joke-y mention: "Don't piss off Dammon. He's scarier than any Raging barbarian when he's angry" lol)

Bonus Dammon, bc I love him and he's kinda a package deal with Rai /jk. Who gets to wrestle a little bit with guilt (it was his suggestion that snowballed into making his girls fight, after all ;-; ), the guilt from this fight is the straw that broke the camel's back in a biiiiiig pile of guilt he's been carrying around since Rai "disappeared" and he just believed Avarice when she said she was dead and never thought to try looking for her etc. He has to learn to make peace with it, before it starts eating him alive, sort of deal. ;3; Also feel like he gets a bit more comfortable with making his voice heard despite his general introverted nature. If he hadn't been a bit firmer with Karlach she might not have stayed quiet long enough to listen and the spat might've been a lot more drawn out than it ended up being so he gets a gold star for that hahaha

How do they react when the other is upset? How do they try to help?

Sorta-kinda talked about this one in question 10 with Rai and Dammon and Rai and Wyll so I'll do Rai and Karlach for this one! :3

I'd say it depends? Unlike Dammon who just gets angry but not necessarily violent, Rai and Karlach both have a tendency to get aggresisve/violent when the other one is hurt/upset. If its a specific person whose made them upset (and you know. it's not someone they already know/just a misunderstanding between friends) they will start threatening and even actually hurt the person responsible if they can get their hands on them. Be careful with upsetting the other one because you will have a homicidal tiefling on your ass and when she catches you she will rip you in half. Trust me on that one. If Wyll and/or Dammon can't talk her down.

When Raphael starts bothering Rai during the course of the game plot, Karlach has absolutely threatened to rip his face off if he dares lay a finger on Rai. This may or may not become foreshadowing, haven't written/planned anything that far ahead just yet so we'll see when/if I get there hahaha. If its just a general "someTHING happened and I am upset" the default is definitely cuddles. They're both absolute cuddle fiends, esp after Karlach's touchable again. If they're not busy adventuring or helping with camp chores they are huddled on a bedroll snuggling, but this is doubly true when one of them is upset because cuddle piles fix everything. "No you may not bother her until she decides she's done, unless you want IN the cuddle pile too then go ahead". You get the idea lolol

What values do they not share? How do they reconcile those differences?

Going with Rai and Dammon for this one bc they're the first ones that came to mind when I looked at this question!

Rai's definitely a warrior/soldier at heart. Fighting comes naturally to her, whether Dammon likes it or not (and assuming that she'd had a "normal" childhood and not been scooped up by Avarice, this would still be true. Just instead she would've probably ended up a Hellrider instead of an Acolyte). It doesn't mean that he's not going to worry, or freak out, when she charges into something dangerous. Especially because Dammon is the opposite. As I said earlier, I think he can fight, he just chooses not to because he doesn't like it.

From Rai's end, it works perfectly fine. She's never expecting Dammon to come with her into battle, she knows he hates it. But Dammon does worry. He's terrified that one day she'll leave for a battle and never come back. And he won't be there, it'll be Wyll and Karlach by themselves coming back to give him the bad news. Dammon doesn't think his heart can take it. He's definitely had panic attacks before because of worrying about Rai charging off into a fight, but he's had to make peace with the fact that it's in her blood and he can't stop her. A frequent exchange between them before Rai runs right into something dangerous is usually Dammon telling her "I don't need you to be a hero, I just need you to be alive and safe" ( D: ). But he has to learn to trust her when she responds with "I promise you, I am coming back. I'm coming home to you when it's over". The more times she does come back, the more he starts to believe it even if the worry doesn't ever completely go away </3.

Rai always makes sure to "check in" with him before and after a fight as a result. Because even if it seems silly to her, she knows Dammon needs to hear her say it. (Also I think once they end up in the closed polycule with Karlach and Wyll, and knowing that they're there to watch eachothers' backs helps Dammon's anxiety be a bit less bad!)

What's different about their backgrounds? Do those differences affect the relationship?

And again bc they were the first pair I thought of after looking at the question, Rai/Wyll ✨

Rai's an orphan, with the Acolyte background because she was raised in a temple in Elturel and the closest thing to a "parent" she ever had was her Mother Superior, Avarice (who is also a Bhaalspawn a.k.a canon-divergent Durge). Even then, Avarice was not at all nurturing past the absolute bare minimum and by that I mean "don't kill the child soldier before she's been put to use in the Blood War" kind of deal. She has no memory of her biological parents whatsoever and doesn't really even know what having parents feels like.

Wyll on the other hand at least has his dad. But as a result of her childhood, Rai doesn't really…understand, the father-son dynamic that Wyll and Ulder have because she never had anything even close to that in her formative years. She's never deliberately confrontational with Ulder but it definitely takes her a LONG time to warm up to him after Wyll tells her about how he ended up pacted with Mizora as a result of what went on between him and his dad. She doesn't want to make things difficult for Wyll (on purpose) or tell him he can't have a relationship with his father. But she definitely doesn't GET it for a good long while and I think that would definitely bleed over into her relationship with Wyll until she can work through it.

(also something to be said for the Nobility/essentially a street urchin class-gap possibly? But no immediate anecdotes come to mind as of typing this. Just that I think that def creates some differences of experience for them that I'll prolly expand upon/explore more as I write more for them! :D)

Who said "I love you" first?

Aaand for this one, I'mma do all the Tav(Rai) ships again, because I think they're all equally cute and I can't just do one sorry! :D So here we goooo, in no particular order ~

Rai and Dammon: Both, pretty much. As discussed in question 10, Rai and Dammon have known eachother pretty much their entire lives. Their "I love you" was a "both of them blurted it out at exactly the same time" deal. When Zevlor recognised Rai and thus let them into the grove, and she started milling around and reconnecting with old friends/acquaintances/found family from Elturel, it takes her a little while to come across Dammon because his makeshift forge is tucked so far into the back of where the tieflings are staying. And while he's close with the other tieflings, Dammon does prefer to keep to himself so when there's a commotion at the gate he doesn't think it's his place to go sticking his nose in. It's probably something to do with a fight, and ever since Avernus he doesn't want much to do with fighting anymore (I'm also a "Dammon is an introvert" truther. And while I think he can wield a sword I feel like he very much chooses not to. Avernus fucking sucked my dudes, and I don't think he enjoys being on or around a battlefield AT ALL after getting back, though he will craft/fix weapons, armour, shields etc for his friends and family and if it called for it (like helping protect the tiefling kiddos during the grove raid, or defending Moonrise with the Tadpole squad and the Harpers) he will pick up a sword and fight if he HAS to. But he'd very much rather not if he has the choice between fighting or not.)

Eventually, she wanders to the back where his forge is and suddenly Rai is hit with a wave of recognition when she catches sight of Dammon and realizes it's him. She ends up getting his attention by calling out to her and at that point he almost burns himself dropping the weapon he'd been putting through the coals because as far as Dammon thought, Rai had died during the fuss with Elturel and he couldn't believe she was here - cue them both almost strangling eachother with hugs, a lot of tears and a very rushed out "I love you" because with the way Rai was carting around looking for a way to get un-tadpoled, they had no idea if there would be a "next time" that they saw eachother alive again and "I need you to know". ;3;

Rai and Wyll: Wyll went first here, but only just. Rai and Wyll's "I love you" was very much both of them were waiting for the other one to say it first because they were worried it was Too Soon(tm) otherwise. Wyll was the one that cracked first and Rai said it back ahem I may also have a fic for this hence why this one is so short, I don't want to spoiler y'all before I'm done w/ the oneshot and that was that.

Rai and Karlach: Rai went first, she'd known she loved Karlach for a while (I'd even make a cheesy "love at first sight" argument for these two tbh lol). Post-Engine upgrade 2, Karlach had a good cry when she realized it had worked, and as she cuddled and comforted her a little "I love you" slipped out into Karlach's hair. Karlach wasn't too far behind, it pretty much went down how it does in-game after they finally get to go to bed on that same night because I just think her getting so excited and yelling "ILOVEYOUTOO!" back at Rai is so goddamn cute that I have to keep it in there ;3; ❤️

10 favourites meme

I got tagged by @batri-jopa, thank you friend! Funnily enough I had a long draft of my 10 favourite characters written out and ready to go, though I hadn't been tagged, so this just provides the perfect opportunity to post it! Tagging @stripedroseandsketchpads @erinaceina @notfromcold @bellaroles and anyone else who wants to take part.

I put the characters below the cut because it got long as I tried to justify myself, but I thought I'd copy you and also give a top 10 fandoms by way of introduction for the few new followers who have found me :)

Fandoms (counted as media that I've created fanworks for or actively commented on others' fics for) and what I love about them

The Lymond Chronicles aka tiny fandom: I love all the outsider perspective and unreliable narration around the protagonist, but also I love that he isn't perfect and a lot of problems are caused by his failure to trust people/open up. He has his reasons for being like that, but I like a story where it's clear the hero/great man actually needs those around him (even if they also frequently fuck up and misunderstand things) to get to the end of the story. It's the first series I read since LotR that immersed me so thoroughly in its world - an uncompromising, rich and nuanced take on a huge geographical sweep of history.

And Then We Danced: Oh, it's all about taking beautiful traditions that someone says mustn't ever be changed/aren't for you and making them your own, proving there's no ownership over art forms and culture. It's learning about yourself through art and through other people, it's standing up to the bigots and finding community and defining your nationality and traditions anew in more inclusive, vibrant ways. It's also all the pain of not having the chance to find out more about a first love and all the potential for what might happen in the gaps in the narrative.

The Terror (TV series): haha people sure do put themselves in Positions, don't they? I am fascinated by the hubris and the absurdity of the Franklin expedition, and how the show zones in on the isolated men in their boats and puts their values - good and bad, helpful and destructive - under a microscope and watches what happens to them under the stresses of darkness, illness, hunger and hauntings. There is so much love in the show even as everything that can go wrong does go wrong, there are all these little rituals and objects that people use to give meaning to what they're doing.

Star Wars (predominantly Rogue One): Rogue One reminded me of the SW universe I loved as a teenager, the unimportant people who weren't Force sensitive or powerful, but who fought to do the right thing anyway. I will be watching Andor for the same reason (and tagging so my friends who need to block it can block it - and not letting the Mouse have my money for any of it don't worry about that).

Ripper Street: I loved seasons 1, 3, 4 and 5. The less said about 2 the better for me, though I know a lot of people on here are big fans. In my head, there was a much more interesting story lurking beneath season 4 and 5 that I'm always disappointed wasn't drawn out - the immigrant children who were traumatised on their journey to London ('the world comes to London and London becomes the world' <3) and responded in such different ways. And by god I wanted Reid to answer for all he did wrong but I loved that fucked up man and his Victorian hypocrisy. Hmmm when I stop to think about it I really want to re-watch, though maybe only cherry picking the episodes that tie into my alternative narrative theories.

Utopia (C4 series): I have written fic for this! So odd as it may be, this is a fandom. I haven't been able to bring myself to re-watch since the pandemic because yikes, and it's so cruel that it ends as it does, unfinished. But it's so compelling - season 1 is good, season 2 is absolutely heart-rending. Everyone is complex and fascinating and always developing - the games of 3D morality chess going on are wild, and again, love is such an important factor even as everyone fucks up again and again.

Musketeers (BBC series): I never did watch season 3, it all felt far too silly by then. It's on the list because I wrote a couple of fics way back when and it was the first time I'd written fic in well over a decade. Episode 1 had such potential. The cast was so good. But it just...wanted to be a silly BBC series and not a complicated historically-engaged series so I'll simply enjoy drunk and grumpy Tom Burke!Athos, beautiful-haired Jerott-fancast Pasqualino!D'Art, luschious-moustached cunningulus-loving Santiago Cabrera!Aramis and unutterably perfect WHY-HASN'T-HE-BEEN-ALLOWED-TO-MAKE-THAT-DUMAS-FILM-YET Howie Charles!Porthos without trying to engage my brain these days.

Ghosts (BBC series): I haven't written for it, but I had a glorious binge of Captain/Havers fics after seeing that episode and it gave me enormous feelings of The Kids Are All Right because, while a lot of it felt like it was written by quite young fans, there was so much great ND!Captain and acespec!Captain but there was also some excellent what-if-they'd-just boned fic and I loved it all and it was just the kind of delightful escpaist comfort fic I would hope for from the series.

Castlevania: I still haven't watched the last series wtaff!! Hey guess who loves the big burly idiot who's accomplished in battle and hates how much he's become attached to the effete blond bisexual disaster? haha yeah. Trevor my love you're the hottest cartoon character since Fox from Animals of Farthing Wood :p I haven't written fic for it, but I do love me some filthy Trevor/Sypha/Alucard smut :D

Lupin: Again, not one I've written for, but goddd I want all the Lupin/Benjamin fic! Classic 'male protag is kind of a disaster in the life of every woman he interacts with but he's got a best friend who is never really given any background reason for why he helps him out of literally every scrape so I have decided they're better together'. That is all.

Bonus!! Our Flag Means Death: so far only really interacting with fic when my friend writes it, but I love to see how much @notfromcold loves it! All the characters are great and I don't really have anything to add to fandom but I enjoy it a lot :)

Ok now ten favourite charcters. Not in any particular order, I just wonder if putting them side by side and rotating them in the light will make any patterns emerge.

Eta: holy shit. Yeah. There are patterns. There's a lot of 'characters who pour all their emotions directly into someone else to help further the protagonist/narrative journey and end up not getting anything to show for it in the end'. There are also some crazy ladies :')

And while I didn't put Merab or Irakli in the list below, you can see why either would fit my style. I will say though, that while I fell for Merab when I watched ATWD it was seeing people blame Irakli for hurting him and acting like Irakli was just a heartless asshole that made me furiously protective over Irakli and made me want to explore Merab's own worse side too (love himmm but he's not perfect either).

1. Jerott Blyth (Lymond Chronicles)

Loyal, confused, competent and doomed to an unhappy ending. A brilliant second, who will go along with nearly anything if you just explain it to him - he needs trust and leadership and is unfortunately in the shadow of a leader who finds it nearly impossible to trust and share. But when he does!! Oh. My heart. Jerott's never bitter about being second best though, he's just a man who thinks he's simpler than he is, caught up in a world of complicated, fascinating, infuriating people.

2. Faramir (Lotr)

A good man trying to do good who is Never Enough for the person he looks up to. Happy to be a steward not a king, dutiful to the point of self-destruction. Thoughtful, intelligent and cultured, but generous and devoid of bitterness. Like Jyn and Cathy and lots of the others in this list, it's also particularly his relationship with another that I vibe off (I could have put Éowyn as the fave just as easily), and the way he sees in her the sadness he's experienced himself, but he chooses to reach out, to offer her a different perspective, to be kind and never bitter. Love my depressed kids who feel they'll never live up to expectations but find each other and learn to heal together.

3. Harry Goodsir (The Terror TV series)

...a pattern begins to emerge. Another good man who starts off thinking that the rules are there for a good reason, wanting to see the best in everything, believing that mutual benefit can come from a deeply imperialistic, imbalanced encounter. But he's not a pushover - he is content with his position until he feels he isn't respected and he sees his values are not those of his superiors, and then he stands up for his principles and standards. Does he become bitter? I'd say not - he's fuelled by a kind of singular, protective fury in the end, a desire to save whatever about the place can still be saved from the selfish destructiveness of his people.

4. Deborah Goren (Ripper Street)

She puts herself out for others to a point where it's almost unhealthy - and when it becomes so, she draws her boundary and says 'no more', she won't be the homewrecker when there's a chance for Reid to be this honest with Emily still. Again without bitterness or meanness, just in recognition that she can do no more without losing herself.

5. Jyn Erso (Rogue 1)

Closest thing to a protagonist so far on this list, but she's still in an ensemble piece and only effective because of that! I'm tempted to say it's specifically her connection with Cassian that makes her, and him, characters I love so much. They're mirrors, as Diego Luna said in an interview iirc, and it's by seeing each other that they remember their fire and determination to resist the empire (not that Cassian has forgotten this, but the hope he uses as a mantra has been something beyond him personally for a time, and seeing Jyn crawl her way out of the emotional pit she was in reminds him of things he's forgotten imo). Again competent and doomed, I suppose she fits my preference for secondary characters in the sense of the wider universe - she and the rest of the R1 crew are the sacrifice needed in order for the OT to happen and for Leia, Luke and Han to have their stories.

6. Daniel Molloy (IWTV TV series)

Not the protagonist, acts as a sounding board and outside perspective on the things the MC tells themself, doomed in the sense of his illness and age relative to the immortals he's found himself around...he fits the bill! He might be a bit more snarky and bitter than some of the others, but idk, I still don't think bitterness is his predominant trait - he's incisive and observant and wryly competent. I can't wait to find out more about him.

7. Luke Skywalker (Star Wars OT)

Haha this one is a protagonist Jo!! Literally the Hero on his journey!!

Well let me tell you that 10-year-old me, when first exposed to Star Wars, was not as yet familiar with old Joey C and formalist approaches to storytelling. There are a couple of reasons I think it's important to have Luke on this list. 1) I distinctly remember him being the first blorbo I had where I was like 'this trait [earnest optimism fwiw] actually annoys me deeply and yet he is still my fave. Why?' and 2) whatever media I had been consuming and whatever people I was around, it was a fixed idea for me at that point that The Hero Gets The Girl, and the sibling reveal was a '???? *animal turns its head 90 degrees to try to understand* moment. The hero doesn't become a kind of sexless monk-knight who insists fascists can be redeemed because they're dad-shaped! I joke I joke. Vader is far from dad-shaped, he's just dad. Anyway I recall being FASCINATED and vexed by Luke constantly and he was without doubt my favourite of the original trio. Was that because I thought he should be because he's positioned as the hero? Hmm. Maybe. But I remember it being a kind of thing with the people around me that liking Luke was a bit babyish, and Han was the more 'complex' 'grown-up' character. (Insert Always Sunny conspiracy board meme.jpg IT WAS THE SAME THING WITH STEPHEN GATELY OF BOYZONE WHEN I PREFERRED HIM TO RONAN something something cultural infantilisation/desexualisation of queer people (I only learnt later how many people read Luke as queer)).

Anyway, what I'm kind of getting at is the ways in which Luke is an unusual protagonist, and socially, my experience was of people not treating him as an MC because he was 'boring'. But even as a kid I knew that wasn't true and was fascinated by his repeated *decisions* to be good, to believe in the good and again, not to be embittered by what he goes through. Also the loyalty and earnestness came to be favourite aspects.

8. Catherine Earnshaw (Wuthering Heights)

Aaaaah. Uhhh. Make this one fit your theory, bitch! Well, starting simple, WH is once more an ensemble piece about the significant influence a group of people have on each other. Catherine and Heathcliff are mutually significant to each other's journey and arc and emotional development (reverse of the Jyn and Cassian pulling each other out of the mire thing though! Dragging each other down because they can't escape their social circumstances). Cathy doesn't exactly choose to be good, but her choices are motivated by a (misguided, patronising, cowardly) intention to do what she can with her situation (gender) to get ahead in the world and bring Heathcliff with her - because she can't imagine willingly 'lowering' herself to his level, he must rise. Ahh...*chews stalk of grass and surveys crop of awful faves* gives me feelings about Jerott and Marthe's marriage again. Anyway, blah blah, you get the picture - doomed to unhappiness but tries so hard to exert control over her life/others/the narrative anyway.

Also I love a mad lass who dreams of the moors. <3 #teamCathyneverdidanythingwrongever

9. Lucy Snowe (Villette)

Hahahahaha. Speaking of mad lasses! Lucy doesn't believe she's the protagonist. She's plain and weird and not meant to be The One Who Is Loved by the kind, handsome man or the mean, beautiful woman. She believes she's doomed to an unhappy ending - so much so that she even appears to summon one for herself, snatching it from the jaws of happily-ever-after. She's never upset about her position (except when she's so consumed with shame/angst/etc because she realises she let herself believe the handsome man might care for her momentarily), she's an outsider with a wry, cynical view of the people around her, but she does still crave involvement and recognition. Not at all self-aware and 1000x more entertaining for it. Also goes on a furious opium-fuelled rampage through the town, what's not to love?

10. Gudrun Brangwen (Women in Love)

Another mad lass :) Gudrun is a modern lady who thinks she's in control of her life and her sexuality. She realises way too late that she's in fact caught up in Gerald's own experimental, philosophical approach to the modern world (I wanna say like... basically a giant wager between him and Rupert) and she's still subordinate to him and his wants. It's been a long time since I read it, but her angst about the physical side of their relationship always stays with me - when she feels like a glass of wine he's draining for his own strength and she lies awake feeling unsettled and doubtful, while he sleeps it off with a masculine kind of arrogance (sorry, it's a DH Lawrence book, I'm allowed to describe it like that) after they have sex. Also when she punches that cow it's amazing. (I mean the animal, not being rude about another woman. Haha oh Lawrence you funny little man).

--

By and large then, it's secondary characters (my thesis was on minor characters why is this a surprise!) who exist to support the protagonist, or some other character, and whose relationships with the the protagonist/that other character make me feral, because they play a role that is meant to be kind of thankless but without them the protagonist couldn't achieve what they need to achieve/the story couldn't progress as it does. God it literally IS my thesis fml.

The 7Dream café was strange.

It wasn't because of the seven dashing young men that run it, nor was it how the café gave you the weirdest of vibes that kept you coming back but it's that the café seemed to have came out of nowhere.

You lived in a small town, if a new building, more importantly a café, was coming into construction surely it would be the talk of the town. Alas, no noise until its grand opening. Maybe you weren't as updated with the latest news nowadays...

After your best friend practically dragged you to the conjunction, you found yourself at its entrance. Catching a whiff of the freshly baked goodies, freshly brewed coffee and catching sight of the boys that worked the establishment.

Of course, the boys were a major part of the reason why your friend was so persistent in coming.

"I heard that the baristas are such eye candies," she gushes. "But honestly, I've already got my eye on the delivery guy,"

"Jesus, even the delivery guy can't escape you," you chuckled lightly at your friend.

You had found seats near the kitchen area where you could see the bakers at work by the window, piping icing on cakes and taking out new batches of cookies from the oven. A dirty blonde boy looked up from his workspace, catching you looking and giving you a wink.

The sudden gesture took you by surprise, and you widen your eyes. He laughs, averting his eyes back down to the cake he was decorating.

"A-are we ready to order?" You tear your eyes away from the young man and turn to your friend, who held a menu in her hand.

The two of you walk over to the counter. Luckily, it wasn't too packed as you'd chosen a time when the highschool girls would be in school and wouldn't hog the café seats gawking at these boys. Your university was only a few blocks away. How convenient.

At the counter, you're greeted by a boy with a smile that could cure cancer. He leaned against the counter, black hair falling over his forehead looking effortlessly stunning. "Hi, love. Welcome to 7dream Café, what can I get for you?"

"I'll have a Namericano, two shots," you raise two fingers at him, not being able to get over how a man this beautiful can exist. Jaemin, his name tag read. He types the order into the cash register and your total is summed at the screen in front of you.

"Good choice. Cramming tonight?" Jaemin chuckled. You shot him a smile before shaking your head. "Just like my coffee strong,"

"Jeno, a namericano please. Two shots, for the gorgeous lady," Jaemin calls over to the other boy behind him.

The Jeno in question turns his head, looking over at you and flashing you his pearly whites as he laughed, eyes forming crescents as he does so. "Are you sure they don't want a Jenofrappe?" He laughs. "Kidding. Your name?" he grabs a cup and a pen ready to write your name on it.

"Y/N," you replied, a little stunned by his visuals. A defined face with the softest eyes.

"Coming up, Y/N,"

You've heard your name uttered millions of times, but the way Jeno said it was probably your favourite.

You pay up and leave your friend to manage her orders. On your way back to the seats, you come in collision with a man in a suit. He had golden blonde hair and striking eyes.

"I'm so sorry!" The boy apologized profusely. You're quick to wave away his apologies and offer your own. He had a name tag, which means he worked here. God, you were meeting just about everyone on here and you only came for an americano coffee.

"Chenle, you clutz," a boy who had watched things unfold was laughing in a booth just next to you. He was on his laptop, the Photoshop tab open. The café's logo flashed on it. Did all these boys work here?

"It's completely fine," you say. "I wasn't looking at where I was headed,"

"Looking elsewhere, were we?" The boy from the kitchen was now coming towards you, a cookie in hand. He had a round face and full cheeks. Everything about the boy was round from his eyes to his full lips. Of course, another gorgeous man who worked here.

"Chenle, Mark and I made a new batch but we tweaked around with the recipe a little," he extends his arm out to you. "Would you like to try it?"

You thought about how denying would possibly make the situation more awkward than it already was. You take it from his hands and the boy beams. A sun was drawn on it and it looked like an ordinary cookie. You took a bite, it's chewy and sweet. Scrumptious. The three boys were now looking at you, awaiting your judgment.

You raise a thumbs up, "Great!"

The baker balls his fist in success and Chenle laughs, finding his co-worker amusing. "Haechan one, Mark zero,"

When you finally get back to your booth, your friend had just sat back down. The orders would be brought by someone shortly.

"What do you think so far?" You ask, leaning over the counter and resting your chin on the palm of your hand.

"Overhyped," your friend frankly discloses, causing you to burst into fits of giggles. "But the boys are definitely something else," she adds. You agree. They were all a character. The café looked minimalistic, with little decorations and art pieces hung on the walls, but the ambiance they provided made up for it.

A few minutes go by and you hear the ding of a bell before you see another boy walking towards your table. Tall and handsome. A little timid, at first glance. He carried the tray of drinks over as if his life depended on it. He did it in such an adorable manner that you didn't care if it took him a little too long to reach your booth.

"Two shots n-namericano and a Hamjji Choco latté" he read from the receipt stuck underneath the drinks. "Ah, and complementary cake from Chenle and Mark," he places two plates of cake slices on the table. It's chocolate cake with orange icing. Like the one the boy was working on behind the glass earlier. You look over at him only to instantly regret it as you catch him looking right back at you.

You and your friends thank the boy and he scurries away, a shy smile on his face.

"Cute," your best friend giggles, taking a sip of her latté. She seldom drank coffee, while you on the other hand, lived off of it.

When you bring the cup up to your lips, you watch as your friend's eyes widen. The coffee had already touched tongue and was going down your throat. Nice and warm. You worriedly halt your actions, freezing up and look back at her equally as panicked. She breaks into a grin.

"Dude, check your cup," she claps her hand over her mouth and you turn the cup around to see.

A series of number was written along with the letters JN and a little smile. Your eyes drift over to the barista who served your drink and your eyes meet. The blonde boy is preparing another drink, but his eyes were on yours. There's a smug smile on his face as he turns around to serve the customer.

"Jeez, Y/N. These boys are really something," your friend continues sipping on her latté.

The cakes were like no other. Moist and fudgy, still a little bit warm and dripped with just enough chocolate on the sides. Your mouth watered thinking about it even as you put your fork down after clearing your plate.

"How's everything? We just opened so we really appreciate any reviews," Chenle came to check on you after you started eating. You thanked him for the cake and extended your compliment to the baker, saying everything was great.

It's only then you realized the word printed on his name tag. Chenle, Manager. You scrunched your eyebrows together in confusion once the boy left. Wasn't he way too young to own this? Ah, well. This whole café didn't make sense to begin with. Just a bunch of cute boys who ran a café that came out of nowhere.

You and your friend decide to leave after a while and you carry the cup with you, thinking about what to do about the number on it.

"Thanks for coming to 7Dream Café! Hope to see you again," Jaemin chirped, waving his hand.

Outside, a small flier was posted on the post. You were almost certain it wasn't there when you first entered.

7Dream Café is hiring!

You tear the paper from where it's stuck and pocketed it into your bag. Something tells you that you were gonna be around more often than you thought.

Recently stumbled on your S5 non-con fic where Meg forces them and I'm in awe of your writing. Your depiction of Dean -- his anger, his guilt, his possessiveness -- is phenomenal. It's totally IC too because we know Dean will do anything to "save" Sam, wouldn't care about his autonomy or consent. And the way you write Sam is both provocative and thoughtful, it's a delicious combination that I have never seen before.

I'd give anything to read Sam pov/aftermath but even without that, the story is perfect. Thank you so much for writing and sharing your talent with us❤️

Dear anon,

thanks so much for this lovely message omg <33333 it's so lovely to hear that my characterization rang true and that the emotions were coming through well :)

i'm fundamentally drawn to messy noncon narratives in part because i'm fascinated by the ways people (characters) act when placed under extreme situation constraints.

dean violating sam's autonomy as a function of protecting/saving him (for certain values of the words "protect" and "save") is also my jam. most of my fics on that are actually much more focused on how sam copes with those violations though, so oddly enough Lesser Evils is the outlier in that regard.

meaning, of course, that i've mentally walked through the sam-aftermath pov and like, i can write it, but i haven't figure out the "to what avail" piece yet.

rest is under a cut because both spoilers for if i ever write this potential sequel as well as some major trigger warnings (check this post's tags).

with a sequel, i can walk through all the pieces that happen next, but where does it lead and what is the end and what does it meaningfully and purposefully add to this narrative? what point does it get them to which is different either from the point they're left already at the end of part 1, or the point they land in canon anyway?

(not that enjoyment itself or the joy of writing/reading require a purpose, but most of the time when i write there's a central 'something' i'm getting at, whether i know what that is when i start writing or not. and if i lose what i'm getting at along the way, or can't figure it out along the way, i don't end up finishing the piece. so the potential sequel is 'stuck' because i haven't figured out where i want it to go)

where i'm struggling is that in my head so far, i haven't determined if the rape in part 1 would lead sam and dean closer together or farther apart (and if neither, what's the point?).

i know the themes and tension and sam's pov though, like i have mentally drafted it with words. it explores sam's headspace and pain and emotional devastation and all the very messy feelings related to the timing of that fic because this is, again, still happening just a few days, like 48 hours? (canon timeline unclear) after killing lilith and lucifer coming topside. so he was already mired in guilt and shame and then that happens and there's a very real internalized self-blame happening there, a sort of sense of penance and deservingness that stop him from accessing his also very real anger over what happened, anger directed at dean that sam needs to give space to in order to process it properly.

much like part 1 which has this refrain of dean's sleepless exhaustion as a steady driver of desperation, part 2 has a refrain of sam's sense of not being clean, a consistent callback to how badly he needs a shower but there hasn't been a second in which to have one.

because this headspace is unfolding as they get bobby to the hospital, as they find out about the michael sword being dean, as they rush back to the hospital and cas brands their ribs. there just isn't a moment to spare for luxuries like washing up after being assaulted.

so that's part 2 and it's really this sort of heavy piece. but i don't think it's enough to sit own it's on as a follow-up, not in a way that satisfies me.

something i know i would need to play around with, potentially in a part 3 depending on length, is whether what happened changes the decision for sam to go his own way (5x03) for a while or not. if they're still together when lucifer starts appearing in sam's dreams in the guise of a dead lover, when zachariah drops dean out of bed and into the future, when they realize simultaneously that sam is lucifer's vessel.

i think yes because that's more interesting than following canon, but does it mean lucifer's plan here backfired and what meg did to them brought them closer, or is it worse than ever between them? do hunters still track down sam and try to force him to drink blood? would dean be there to see that, to help? does cas still ask dean to help with raphael and dean remembers what having fun is like, or is he too full of self-loathing? would sam be there when raphael drops the line 'god is dead'?

or maybe i skip over that because ehhh, not actually central to the narrative here and wouldn't be the same if they were together. maybe i just focus on the lucifer piece, fast forward to it. but then what?

on the one hand, there's some truly heavy stuff i have thought about for the start of s5 and whether or not sam ever tried to call lucifer's bluff -- sam said he'd kill himself before becoming lucifer's vessel and lucifer said he'd just bring him back. sam knows an angel can do that, but sam's also got enochian sigils on his ribs now that hide him from angels (from lucifer), and at this point he might still assume that even if the angels aren't trustworthy they should in theory not want lucifer to get his true vessel, so wouldn't necessarily hand him over without a fight if lucifer came to try and grab his soul out of the afterlife. maybe taking himself out of the game is the safest move for mankind. at least worth trying, right?

or maybe rather than dean reappearing in the present day with zachariah only to find sam's corpse and blame himself, maybe the narrative takes itself somewhere else, somewhere easier, like dean appearing in their motel room right after seeing lucifer in sam's skin in the future at exactly the moment that sam wakes up from his dream of lucifer where he finds out he's the devil's vessel. and maybe after banishing zach and hightailing their way outta dodge, both brothers cling desperately to one another in the face of the cruelty of everything coming at them, and maybe that's the softest epilogue i can give them here, the one they earned.

hmm. there might be something to that.

I've been thinking (because I'm quarantined and bored, sorry )..how it could be possible for Jack to form a good friendship? ...I mean even if a person shows affection, good intentions or a real interest on his stuff... the chance of Jack's betrayal is still there. I don't know I'm wondering ..if he can have a healthy friendship.

*cackles*  Jack Spicer, as he is in XS, is not capable of forming a stable and healthy relationship, despite the fact that he desperately wants and needs one.  And if that ain’t the tragedy of the whole series.

The Jack of Showdown

Just when Jack finally starts to actually warm up and be open and honest about his feelings with others, he either gets grossly mistreated (“The Deep Freeze,” “The Apprentice”) or is presented with the choice of being loved and accepted, despite who he is and what he’s done, or giving in to his baser instincts and double crossing his new would-be friends to get praised by someone who could not care less about him (“The Apprentice”).  It’s difficult to tell if Jack feels he doesn’t deserve to be happy for some deep and personal reason, or if he’s so focused on being seen as EVIL™ and not good; that he believes he must take any and all opportunities to prove his evil worth.  Whatever the reason, the Jack in XS would need someone that will stick by his side no matter what decisions he makes, or what actions he takes to push that person away.  Someone who unconditionally supports him and wants to be by his side.  The problem is, that’s more of a pet and has the potential to become quite toxic.

The Jack of Chronicles

As for the Jack of XC, he has some boundaries, and he’s not quite as ruthless.  He knows he’s kind of a loser, but he still really wants a girlfriend to help boost his sense of masculine ego.  But more importantly, he just wants a friend, to the point that he was willing to pay people to hang out with him (just like in XS “Something Jermaine,” “Judging Omi” and XC’s “Magic Stallion and the Wild Wild West,” “Buddy Blue Ray and the Golden Bunnies,” and “Heal Me”).

Jack enjoys Wuya’s company, but she gets frustrated with his lack of action in favor of building capital or just having fun (the Golden Toilet arc, “Super Cow Patty,” “Tokyo Madness,” and “Omi Saves the Holidays” among many others).  Jack seems to have moved out of his parent’s basement, and is now in his own warehouse/factory, so he’s really trying to focus on starting up his Evil Business idea and often refers to himself as an “evil entrepreneur” throughout the series.  While Wuya appreciates the “go get ‘em” spirit, she still feels that Jack isn’t doing enough to help her, which is the whole reason they teamed up in the first place.  Because of her nagging attitude and matriarchal approach to the relationship, Jack often feels smothered and refuses to act.  However, he still has boundaries and refuses to do certain things if they are not in his interests as well (“Back in the Flesh Again”).

Jack and Shadow

With Wuya as Jack’s pseudo-mother, he needs a datemate to call his own.  Gone is his curiosity in Kimiko (though he does seem to think she’s still cool), but if it’s any other girl, he will do his best to impress her.

Case in point Willow--who he tried to ask on a date if he won the Showdown Trio in “The Fall of Xiaolin.”  She strongly states that she isn’t interested in him in the least, and because the two never see each other again, I would assume Jack dropped the pursuit.

Shadow on the other hand, he likely sees a lot of himself in her.  They’re both evil, admire Chase, they seem about the same age, and... that’s about where the similarities end.  Shadow’s actions say that she is repulsed by Jack, but she never pushes him away, and even praises his “doo-hickies” (“The Laws of Nature,” “Rocco”).  With the use of camera drones, Jack witnessed a lot of the private behavior and abuse between Chase and Shadow, and even some of the abuse in person ( “Tigress Woo,” “Rocco”).  Even the cold open of “Who Shrunk Master Fung?” features Jack being very careful not to harm a strange bird, who is later revealed to be Shadow.  Case in point, the Jack of XC has a streak of kindness in him, and it is unclear if Shadow sees that and resents Jack for having it, or if she admires that aspect of him.  Regardless, after the events of “The Laws of Nature,” where Jack effectively double crosses Chase (and her by extension), Shadow likely made the choice to never trust Jack completely.  She double crosses him at the end of their wonderful team up in “Back in the Flesh Again.”  And Jack doesn’t even get upset or angry about the loss and betrayal.  He’s even more smitten and tries to brag to Omi and Ping Pong before realizing they aren’t into it and flies off.

Overall Jack and Shadow have feasible grounds for a relationship--even a romantic one--if they could both create some honesty and trust between each other, but neither is willing to do that, despite Jack’s over sharing (literally every time he opens his mouth around Chase).  For further reading on Jack’s relationship with Shadow and Chase, check out this post.

Jack doesn’t interact with Tigress, Kimiko’s older sister, much, but he does bother to keep tabs on her and warns Kimiko about her sister’s more nefarious activities (“Tigress Woo”).  It’s unclear if he did this in an effort to get closer to the Monks as a friend, or if he was stalking Tigress because he was attracted to her.  In either case, Tigress is never seen again or mentioned by Jack.

Jack’s Other Interests

There are a handful of episodes in XC that revolve around Jack seeing or meeting another evil-doer and fixating on them, often trying to model himself after them in some fashion.  He does this with PandaBubba to a lesser extent in “Magic Stallion and the Wild Wild West,” then goes full blown fan for Super Cow Patty (in his self-titled episode) and later Le Mime in the same episode, making fan videos and full costumes with personas for both his fixations.  In both instances with the truly evil characters (PB and Le Mime), Jack was looking for a sense of acceptance by an Evil Businessman and entrepreneurial peer, and a sense of belonging to a larger community with Le Mime and his henchmen.  That desire for belonging to a larger community is reiterated earlier in the series with “Heal Me” and Reverse!Jack’s cult.

However, when presented with an actual fan of his, Tiny Sim, Jack is actually somewhat reluctant to have the fan tag along with him.  And maybe that was for the best, as Jack soon discovers that the fan he inspired to become Evil is actually a lot better at it than he, himself, is (“Drawn to be Evil”).  In retaliation, Jack confines the fan to being just a creative idea intern.  Jack is essentially taking credit for all of Tiny Sim’s ideas, and not paying the kid a thing.  Sim, either because he’s doing what his idol taught, or because he feels cheated, makes it a priority to take a Wu or two when he can out of Jack’s stash (“Mark of the Dragon Spirit”).  Sadly, the series ended before the relationship between these two could be further developed.  It wouldn’t have been healthy, but at least it would have been something.

Another important note, Jack does make the clear distinction in both series that the gallery of sellswords he pays to be around him are only in it as long as there’s money for them to be had.  They are not his friends, they will never be his true friends, they’re just people he pays until the money runs out (“Something Jermaine,” “Judging Omi”).  So Katnappe, Tubbimura, Cyclops (after their initial debut), and to a lesser extent Vlad will never truly be Jack’s friends.  Vlad does make a return in XS’s “The Demon Seed” to try and cheer Jack up (not that he’s very good at it), but he doesn’t seem to want anything from Jack other than to do evil things and pal around.  This is a bit of a departure from their first encounter where Jack was presumably paying Vlad to be his hired muscle and inside man (“The Deep Freeze”).

Jack’s Robots

Jack’s relationship with his various Jackbots and other robots is an interesting one.  It’s possible that he created them out of a sick sense of wanting to have friends that he could control, but it comes back more to how the bots are presented in both series.

The Jackbots of XS seem to have a hive mind of sorts, as they will blindly (and sometimes literally) follow their master’s commands.  Those that fall are replaced as if nothing happened to the fallen Jackbot; their numbers are legion.  The bots are later programmed with emotions and feel sadness, but not fear.  This is interesting, because Jack is shown having temper tantrums from time to time, but he doesn’t break things, only tosses them around (“The Journey of A Thousand Miles”).

Jack’s relationship with the more “custom” humanoid robots is split into a binary.  On the one side are the bots that went rogue and have tried to annihilate him or simply want nothing to do with him: Chameleon Bot, Robo!Jack, and the patent-pending Shen Gong Wu Detect-o-bot.  On the other side are the bots he grew very attached to: Yesbot, his Cheerbot squad, and the Shen Gong Wu Detect-o-bot before it went rogue.  Both Yes~ and Detect-o~ allow Jack to be more of a child, as he is depicted being held like a scared child with both of them (if I remember correctly.  “Oil in the Family,” “The Demon Seed”).  He treats them like the parent he doesn’t have around.  The Cheerbots are his hott Barbie dolls that he gets to dress up and maintain.  He doesn’t go much farther than projecting personalities and life problems onto them.  Eventually they are absorbed into the Jackbot hive.

Remember how Jackbots don’t show or know fear in XS?  XC opens with Jack having a tantrum, and many of his various designs of bot run away from him.  Jack is left cornering Chefbot, who has darts sticking out of his chef’s hat.  Rather peculiar for robots to be afraid of their master, especially since they are meant to be hoards of drones.  As Chefbot is developed as a character, Jack comes to respect his creation more, but Chefbot says he has no interest in hanging around someone like Jack; he wants to go places and be a real chef!  He can’t do that if he’s making paltry snacks for Jack.  Chefbot’s last appearance in the series is on a cooking show (either on TV or YouLook) making pizza, while Jack follows along from his RV.  Jack seems quite relaxed and at ease, even using the Banyan Twister Shen Gong Wu to stretch his body and the pizza dough.  It is never stated, but perhaps Jack is proud of his creation accomplishing it’s dream.

Thank You for Being a Friend

In conclusion, the Jack of XS is incapable of having a healthy friendship with anyone, either because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it or because he really is just a terrible person and pushes everyone away.  He would need someone to stand by and support him no matter what he does and no matter how horribly he treats that person.  Such a relationship has the potential to become toxic if boundaries are not set and if Jack doesn’t grow as a person.

The Jack of XC is desperate for a single friend, but 98% of the cast sees him as a pathetic loser, and not worth a second of their time.  Those that do see value in Jack’s companionship have all been hurt by Jack’s betrayal and lack of trust, or have betrayed Jack, because they have no trust in him (often from a previous encounter).  For this Jack to form a stable friendship, he needs someone who he can talk to honestly, openly, and not be judged for his feelings, and he seems to want someone who talks the same way to him.  He’s ready for a relationship, he just doesn’t have the rapport or trust built up with anyone.

TL;DR

Jack lacks basic trust in all his relationships.  He would need someone he can constantly count on, while also setting healthy and reasonable boundaries with that person.  If honesty and trust--ABSOLUTE TRUST--is there, Jack can have a friend, maybe even something more.