#did you know i hc maeda as nb transfem. he/she/fae specifically. bc that feels right to me
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had a bit of an epiphany but idk how to word it nor who true it is
#the way i WANT to phrase it is as follows#‘guys…. am i the yaoi mutual?’#but that doesn’t quite convey like. the full thought process behind it#i was thinking like#ok i value m/m and w/w ships equally obviously. like ofc#that being said. the things that end up appealing to me more when i get into fandoms tend to be m/m#and i was wondering why#like. maybe it’s bc i’m afab and even though i’m genderfluid being able to see myself in a male character is very refreshing and comforting#it has nothing to do with sex or anything bc i’m ace and narrative homoeroticism is equal among all genders#(although tbf m/m homoeroticism tends to be written differently from w/w homoeroticism but that doesn’t mean too much in fanspace)#i do not understand why this trend happens in my brain. especially considering i’d call myself sapphic before i call myself mlm#(but labels are tricky and contradictory when ur gender is incapable of staying still)#but. idk it’s there#and then we throw the trans hcs in there#did you know i hc maeda as nb transfem. he/she/fae specifically. bc that feels right to me#idk i am def thinking too hard about it#this thought pattern is probably left over from me being 13 and liking yuri on ice#without understanding why it appealed to me so much#(i didn’t know i was queer yet)#and so i tried really really hard to be as normal about it as possible because i was NOT a fujoshi#and ig i still have that impulse to go ‘i’m not fetishizing!! i don’t have a preference!!!’#but i mean like. most of my favs are m/m. ofc they’re not ALL i like but they’re the ones i tend to go crazy about#i also read more fic abt those ones but i’m pretty sure that’s just bc of popularity factors#idk where i’m going with this. 100% overthinking it’s late n the brain has been acting up#maybe the real yaoi cocaine was the generalized anxiety disorder we were diagnosed with along the way#anywho. i still haven’t fully parsed this thought into words but that’s ok#i think i may just be feeling genderweird rn#the question still stands though. mutuals i’m not the yaoi mutual right. am i. i’m not right. right
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