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missingmorethanmyskull-arch-blog · 7 years

Text

Lycoris Radiata

Word count: 1005 Characters: Arum (Horrorfell Sans) and Lycor (Horrorfell Alphys) Trigger warnings: suicide Songs: -Drops of Jupiter - Train -Feathery Wings - Voltaire

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Tell me did you sail across the sun Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded And that heaven is overrated Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star One without a permanent scar And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

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It was not love at first sight, but it was like at first sight. An instant bond, simply due to their shared interest. Peeking at each other over their respective textbooks, far above the level children their age should’ve been able to understand, they would blush at the same time and duck back down behind the cover of studying. When courage was worked up, it was the musing of theories that spilled from their lips, emphatic nodding more often the response than not. Afraid to disagree with each other, until more courage was gained. Hesitant criticisms, hastily agreed to. Over the years, debates became a delightful pastime. When puberty hit, a natural progression was made. Hand holding. Soft, quick kisses. Hesitant touches exploring.

He had been so focused on finding his father ever since he had disappeared. It was almost everything he could think about. Everything else was hardly given the time of day. Except her. She was given at least a few days of the week, all of his attention when he could bear to tear himself away from his work. And though he daren’t tell her his secret – a father gone from everyone’s memories, a project hidden under the basement – he asked for advice often, shared other ideas, sought comfort. It was all given freely. She was born to give herself to causes. Science was one. He was the other. It was endearing, and very appreciated. He reciprocated, of course, offering his shoulder, his advice, his encouragement, his arms. She wasn’t very confident in her abilities, a fact that always shocked him.

The DT experiments might have been something of a failure, but there was salvageable information. Moral reasoning behind it that he could remind her of when the guilt became too much. Still, she was distant after that. It was never the same. Touches, rambles, and collaborations fizzled out. When she suggested going their separate ways, he accepted it. Agreed with it, even, thinking it was for the best if it helped her. Went home. Went to the basement lab. Tried not to cry. Worked some more on his father’s machine. Slept on the ground.

Nothing to distract him now, nothing to keep him from his work. His brother, long grown independent and resentful, did not disturb him much. He spent minimal time checking in on her. Spent minimal time outside his lab. Laser focus ran in the family, and so did somehow finding comfortable positions on the flat tiled floor. But like her, his efforts always seemed just out of reach. There, in front of him, and yet far away.

If there was anything he had, it was time. Yet still not enough for this.

Then the human fell and everything changed. It was possible he might’ve loved that human too. Not that he would admit it. Perhaps there was something about that human that reminded him of her. The drive to do good, despite the struggle. The smile that made their gloomy world seem a bit brighter. He didn’t trust the human, didn’t let them too close. But it was possible he loved them. Right up to the moment they took away everything. The plan, the king, the souls, the hope that flowed through all of them. Especially her.

He couldn’t understand how she could place all of the blame on herself. How she could let the guilt eat away at her like that. The failed experiments were one thing. The whims of a heartless human was another thing entirely. It hadn’t even occurred to him that she might feel she played a part. They had all been tricked. They had all wanted to believe in good. Perhaps she was doomed from the start, with her gentle soul in this kill or be killed world. Perhaps it was just a matter of time until the universe crushed her. Perhaps he should’ve tried harder to keep in touch.

He was not there for it. Did not have to witness her clawed toes slipping over the edge of the waterfall, thick tail the last thing visible on her as she plummeted into the abyss below. Did not have to hear any apologies, see any tears, or reach for her falling body only to have it be just out of reach. He only knew of it after the fact, stiffly informed of it by her robot. Only had to fall to his knees and imagine it himself, a hundred different ways she might have done it. Was it an honest to god leap headlong? Was it a small jump? Was it a tentative step? Was it just a lean forward, until there was no way to lean back? Did she hesitate? Did she regret it as soon as it was done? Could he have prevented it?

What if he had confided in her about his father? What if he had stopped the initial experiment? What if he had found a way to reverse the damage once it was done? What if he had not agreed to break it off? What if he had taken her by the shoulders and screamed how she was doing her best, how sometimes things happened the way you didn’t want them to, how at least she had not had any ill intentions like plenty of other people around them. What if he had kept in touch? What if he had insisted upon more collaborations? What if he had stopped the human? What if he had gone to her after the human left them there to rot? What if he had begged her to take him back? What if he had accompanied her to the dump because he’d seen her staring into the abyss plenty of times before? What if he had jumped after her?

The only thing he could do was to hope that time and a face just as sweet would heal his broken soul. That in time it might stop hurting.

If there was anything he had, it was time. Yet still not enough for this.

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You're gone from here Don't leave from here Don't leave me here I hate it here You're gone from here Don't leave me here I need you here I need to see you smile

#my art #my writing #its just chicken scratch (drabbles)#its just how i am now (headcanons)#death flower (lycor)#when my mind was clear (arum backstory)#tw: suicide

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