#dazai: burning isn't on my list of painless suicides | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

that-one-raccoon · 6 months

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Hell's Hounds Magic and Mystery Incorrect Quotes

because i said so and because Coil just updated

Dazai: What are you talking about Hermione? You love it here! Hermione: I'm not sure I do, I think I've just developed Stockholm syndrome.

George: Dazai's first detention, I'm so proud. Fred: Whoa, back up. Why did they get detention? Ron: Because they're an idiot. Hermione, terrified: They can do that??

Dazai: *coughs blood* Fred: Don't die, Dazai! Dazai: Don't tell me what to do! Draco: I made tea. Ron: I don't want tea. Draco: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea. Ron: Then why did you tell me? Draco: It's a conversation starter. Ron: It's a horrible conversation starter. Draco: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Ron: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like- Ron, to Blaise: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual. Dazai, to Hermione: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire. Fred: There are two types of people.

Lockhart: You wanna fight?! You got one! Dazai: Okay! *raises fists* *Fred runs in, scoops Dazai up in their arms, and runs away carrying him* Lockhart: Lockhart: What?

George: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you angry. Draco: Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid. George: You have to teach Dazai how to do magic. Draco: ...put the band-aid back on.

Dazai: *gets set on fire and screams in agony* Dazai: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

Dazai: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

Dazai: I’m telling you, my dogs are competent. Blaise, rushing in: Dazai! Fred tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

George: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

Fred: Dazai, wake up! Dazai, half asleep: Five more minutes… Fred: You’ve been in a coma for two years! Dazai: … Dazai: Okay, two more minutes…

Fred: I’ve only had Dazai for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

George: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight? Dazai: Why? George: Fred fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours. Hermione: Ron doesn't know how to banish spirits, so he just threw salt at them and yelled "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"

Draco: What are you planning to do? Fred: Hey, now. "Planning"?! Do you KNOW who you're talking to?!

Draco: Stop failing. Dazai: Don’t tell me what to do! I'll fail right now! Dazai: *Succeeds* Dazai: Dang it!

Draco: How do you sleep at night knowing people don’t like you? Dazai: With the fan on.

#the new chapter is just so freaking funny like #dazai: burning isn't on my list of painless suicides #and the twins are just like: your fucking WHAT-#pls go read #it's on ao3 #and an absolute masterpiece #it updates on wednesdays #also we finally got a name for the group!!#Hell's Hounds #magic and mystery #coil #fanfic aus #fanfic #ao3 #pm dazai #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #harry potter franchise #incorrect quotes #m&m incorrect quotes

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