#could you tell i love yura and false disposition | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

keingleichgewicht · 3 years

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really need to make A Post about how one of the things that makes pafl so fucking good is the relentless use of recontextualisation: we keep going round and round and round revisiting the same events or the same thematic points but we get a new angle or new context or new information each time and it slaps! it’s incredible! pafl is a perfect object lesson in the power of point of view in a narrative!

like right now i am thinking about sergei.

who for the first couple songs is. hmmm. well, he’s not exactly sympathetic, is he? he only ever features briefly but he has an outsize influence on the narrative, not really in good ways: he’s distant, he’s overprotective, he’s keeping sanya from being who she wants to be, he rats KT out (supremely uncool move), he unknowingly kind of rats dmitry out as well (by tipping olya off, although thank god that turned out alright)

and even in the mill we only really get a snapshot of what his deal is, and it’s explanation, not justification: the trauma of what happened in the meat grinder may explain why he’s overprotective now, but it doesn’t mean he’s right. and then strike three.

and suddenly you get it! this is the part sanya wouldn’t tell us! and the difference in framing here is everything: in false disposition sergei’s faceless, looming, he says people like you almost vindictively, after all it’s not a phrase that usually indicates good intentions for whoever’s being addressed - and in strike 3 sanya’s wide-eyed, unguarded, human, you can just tell that this is the point of view of someone who loves her to bits, and you can tell he wants so badly for her to understand this, to accept his help, to accept his protection, but she won’t do it

and his perspective makes sense; it is achingly sad but he is objectively right, the world is a nasty place, it is nastier to anyone who doesn’t fit in, it’ll fuck you over for no reason at all - just look at what just happened to yura. one mistake, one misstep, one risk sergei told him not to take and he’s a murderer, he’s a criminal, he’s traumatized to hell, and he got olya (who didn’t do anything wrong at all!) fucked over even worse into the bargain

false disposition says i would rather enjoy life than be perfectly safe and you agree with that, instinctively - it’s impossible to live a life free of risk, so better be happy, right, better than living in a padded box and being nothing but miserable. and strike 3 says for fuck’s sake it’s not enjoying life if it kills you! it’s not being happy if it’s self-destruction! the world sucks and that is frustrating, it is miserably depressing to have to live with, but it is still worth trying to stay alive, it is still worth having some hope, and please don’t throw away your future because you can’t believe in it ever getting better than this; please, i am trying to make it better than this, i am fucking working on it, i will promise you a future, if you would only believe me.

but she doesn’t believe him, and neither does yura, who has been drowning in despair since long before he even lost kt, and as it turns out neither does olya, because she’s just sacrificed herself too, and so easily.

BUT LIKE. THE THING IS. none of this remotely excuses what he did to katya! sure, he was worried she was dangerous, but you can’t sic a SWAT team on a thirteen-year-old regardless of how bad she gives you the heebie-jeebies. even if it was an accident you should at least feel guilty about it. sure, you are trying to keep people safe, but that’s no excuse to fuck other people over. and yet he doesn’t even think about this in strike 3; he mentions her once, as ‘the monster’, as a failing of yura’s (funnily enough this isn’t not how yura thinks of the incident.) and that’s it. he never even stops to consider her as a person.

and that’s why the perspective work is so fucking good: because of course he wouldn’t! that’s why he could call her in. he was seeing her as a danger, not as a girl, not as something comparable to his little sister. it’s his song, it’s his point of view. and while he is tormented by his tense relationship with sanya - by the way he can’t seem to get through to any of the people he cares about - when it comes to that decision it has never even occurred to him that he might have done anything wrong

#pafl #parties are for losers #it speaks #the really sad thing about ACCESS DENIED is that this is all stuff sergei had to learn the hard way and too young and too fast #and all he has ever wanted is for that to be different for sanya #that she could learn to deal with the world (as ugly a place as it is) without having to be broken by it first #that him having broken could be enough for both of them #but she just wont fucking let him #no matter how hard he tries #i said i would keep making these posts as long as the brainrot lasts and by god i will follow fucking through #metatext

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deadpatrol · 2 years

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the only think i know for sure about the pafl au is that false disposition is such a c!clingyduo song. (tubbo as yura tommy as sanya (bonus wilbur as sergei)) but thats just for canon dsmp. Parties are for losers (the song) i think works well for the reincarnation au! but this time with tubbo as kayta and wilbur as yura and tommy as sanya

(So much rambling below the cut. Like, so much.)

AGREE. HARD AGREE. False Disposition with Tommy as Sanya is SUCH a beloved concept. However, let me hit you with this: make it bedrock bros. Yura as Technoblade and Sergei as Dream. I'm telling you, the exile arc parallels write themselves.

Dream: "This world is a cruel place to people like you / I'll keep you safe," / said the prison guard, digging his grave.

Techno, after Tommy betrayed him by going back to Tubbo and L'Manberg: Once again I was left in the dust. / Destructive ones like me / fold when there is nothing to bust.

Techno to Tommy, talking about getting revenge and destroying New L'Manberg: "So dear, are you having fun? / Ah, sorry for spiking your guns. / You mind if I join you now?"

Tommy: "Oh it's okay, I'm calm--"

Techno: "You know I really hate this town."

YES YES Reincarverse Parties Are For Losers isn't something I had considered before but ABSOLUTELY. I LOVE THAT. Also consider Parties Are For Losers with Yura as Ranboo and Kayta as Tubbo.

Of Ranboo: I never wanted / to fade away / yet here I am. Oh, just another troubled youth on the diagram.

Of Ranboo: I say it’s awful / The smoky grey, crumbling view / Just makes me want to break away / Run away / But you / Say it's normal / And so we keep tumbling through / And everyday I'm hammered by this dire deja vu.

Ranboo and Tubbo: "Oh, what’s the use of escaping the future / When you can mold it into whatever you please?" She sings / And I don't know if it’s something she really believes / My sadness seeps through my clenched teeth.

Ranboo and Tubbo: The loser looks in the eyes of the girl and / The room is caving in / "It's okay, it's okay," I say / And just like that, she turns into a monster / There's nobody to show up and save the day.

And The Mill. TALK ABOUT A CLINGYDUO SONG, MY GOD. The Mill is about president Tubbo and Tommy during the exile arc and nobody can convince me otherwise.

Tubbo: It's getting harder / To act like I don't really care / I'm sorry but these earnest words of yours are just too much to bear

President Tubbo, after thinking that Tommy's committed suicide in exile: I'll draw a circle in the sand / Drive myself around the bend / In a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand / Rocked to sleep beneath the snow / She is bathed in youthful glow / "Strong enough to let it go," he says / but, darling, I don't know. / This isn't my first time sinking lower than the low / How hard can it be to never let it overflow / Oh, I've gotten used to being haunted long ago / All I need to hear's a simple / "hello"

Of Tommy: "Now, remember, dear, / you've always been too kind."

President Tubbo: Oh it's nothing new, the visionless leading the blind / It's easy to say, "why don't you leave it all behind" / And this moral compass is forever misaligned / All I need to hear is that you'll be there / By / My / Side / But you can never know that / "Too / strong / to / die." / Or was that me again? / I / Know / That / There has to be some hope that's / Just / Out / Of / Sight.

Tubbo and Tommy: Once again we were left in the dust / Self-hating ones like us crack when we betray someone's trust / So if you must / Shield your heart with these layers of rust / The sun will rise / Until then I'll / Be waiting for you on the other side.

Occam's Razor is without a doubt about c!Wilbur and c!Tommy after c!Wilbur's revival. 100%.

Wilbur, to Tommy: And even though I think this could be our goodbye / There's defiance in your eyes / Ah, of course, it must be pitiful to see someone with a face like this / Even if that somebody is me...

Wilbur, talking to Tommy about how he never really cared about L'Manberg: It's a dead-end endeavor, it's time you understood / That this whole situation won't bring you any good! / Oh, I know that your heart's beating faster than it should / But I can't let you in - wouldn't even if I could.

Wilbur: It's a dead-end endeavor, of course I understand / Seems the devil has found business for my idle hand / It's unlikely, you tell me. I tell you, it connects! / Call it my wishful thinking, I call it common sense. / It's a wicked endeavor, I've always understood / That this whole situation won't bring me any good / For a moment my heart's beating faster than it should / But I can't let you in, even though I wish I could.

Wilbur, maybe about Tommy or about Ranboo and recruiting him for the Burger Van: I'm not one to see people as a means to meet an end / But some ventures require a sacrificial lamb / This particular troubled youth on the diagram / Found his footing in saying "I need, therefore I am."

Punch It, Punk! is about c!Tommy, if only because Anya and Tommy give me similar vibes.

Tommy: City wrapped around the borderline / Seems to be set on crushing every dream of mine / Well, screw that! / I won't settle for a boring life / I have no ammo, but an ambition to fight

Tommy about Wilbur, just because it makes me laugh: My older bro's a loser

Tommy and Tubbo: Team Buster bursts onto the scene! / The coolest rebel kids the world has ever seen / Both you and I are lost in this pathetic place / At least that way the fear doesn't hit like a mace / And now you ask me "Do you want to run away?" / My mind is racing, what am I supposed to say? / "If nothing holds you here, then you don't have to stay." / I want to say "okay." - I'm ashamed but I'm suddenly afraid.

#suicide mention #dsmp pafl au #liveblogging to banish writer's block

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spectre-of-communism · 3 years

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I made a way too detailed interpretation of “The Mill” from PAFL

I'm using the transcript and the doc as well as Ferry's tumblr for reference. A lot of my interpretation is based on the video as well, so best watch it alongside this post :D

This is just my personal interpretation and probably wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Okay, let's do this. I'll be numbering the with timestamps as they are in the transcript for easier reference.

0:41: " “Two do the job, the third one is witness / Don’t shoot the guards, no need for guns” " not much to analyze in Sergei's briefing

0:44: "Check this / “Don’t go across, the longer road’s safer Watch as the bolt’s trajectory wavers” " going by visuals the bolt is used to find the objective of their mission (2:36 in the video)

0:48-0:55: "Learn in by heart, now the hardest part comes when / Staggering doubt paralyzes you and then / You fall apart like a house of cards, might as Well disregard it as a / cursory mantra" Yura should push trough the anxiety of going into the zone, it will go away

Starting from this line, I think Olya is the narrator for the first part of the video.

0:56: "Ah, my head feels heavy once again" She has been in the zone before and is haunted by her experiences there

0:59: "I wish I could dissolve myself in this rusty air" The Grinder is said to dissolve flesh and people. During the Grinder incident, in which she lost her right eye, Sergei saved her instead of Nikita's brother, Kolya. She is unsure if Sergei made the right call and thinks she should be the one who died there.

1:03: "It’s getting harder to act like I don’t really care" She sees the careless way Nikita and Yura interact, and is reminded of her younger self first exploring the Zone. She is struggling to keep up the cold facade she shows most of the series.

1:07: "I’m sorry but these earnest words of yours are just too much to bear" see above

The following part was in Russian, I used the translation from the transcript

1:11: "(I see you, the haze lingers above The pink arc of breaking dawn, A light just as distant as it was when we were children) "I strongly think the haze is connected to the grinder (see 2:30, message lost and my previous posts). Combined with the image of Kolya in the background that means she is remembering the Grinder incident. They were in their early twenties when it happened, still children in her eyes. The current mission reminds her of then.

1:16: "(And dirt, black dirt is spilling from our hands)" the black dirt is related to either to the Zone in general or the Grinder in particular. Compare also message lost: "To scour the blackened, soot-covered earth"

1:19: "(Wrapped in blue cloth, her pale ghost follows me Fog on the water -)" this is the line I am most unsure of, but here is my take, far-fetched as it may be: based on the video showing a younger Olya, I think "her pale ghost" is her past self, haunting her in the form of the trauma she experienced in the Grinder, clouding her vision.

1:23: "(The dawning haze lingers Like a gray duvet, above a quiet, quiet river) " another reference to the dead Kolya. "quiet river" might a reference to the proverb "quiet rivers run deep", either referring to Kolya as a person or, more metaphorical, to them underestimating the dangers of the Grinder

1:27: "I’ll draw a circle in the sand" the "circle in the sand" metaphor escapes me, although it might mean accepting her past and moving on, or maybe it is referring to "line in the sand" which she is not willing to cross. I find the second one unlikely without further context. Lastly. it could mean the opposite: her moving in circles and clinging to the past, not willing to let go yet. In my eyes the last interpretation is the most plausible.

1:29: "Drive myself around the bend" she is driving herself crazy, depending how you interpret 1:27 either trying to accept her past and move on, or desperately clinging to that what is gone

1:31: "In a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand"again, depending on your interpretation of 1:27 two possibilities spring to mind: either the "battered hand" is Kolya's, and she is trying to not forget him, or it is Nikita's or Sergei's, and she is trying to be as good as them at moving on

1:35: "Rocked to sleep beneath the snow" a metaphor Ferry likes to use for death (e.g. The Faulty Feline Philosophy, Dead Hand)

1:37: "She is bathed in youthful glow " I am pretty sure "she" is Nadya (gets clearer in the following lines, her face flashes at 1:49 in the video)

1:39: " "Strong enough to let it go" he says" Nikita claims to have gotten over her death

1:41: "but, darling, I don't know" but Olya doubts it

1:43: "This isn't my first time sinking lower than the low" Olya has had mental health problems or emotional outbursts due to the loss of Kolya

1:47: "How hard can it be to never let it overflow" so she thinks it's unlikely that Nikita could be unfazed by the loss of his girlfriend, his bottled up emotions need to be released at some point

1:50: "Oh, I've gotten used to being haunted long ago"doubles up on her not being able to move on from the loss of Kolya

1:54-1:56: "All I need to hear’s a simple / "hello" " not entirely certain what this line refers to, but she connects "hello" either with Kolya or the incident

2:05-2:27: "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman, but... / You know, she actually has no Talent. / At all. / You mean... / Wait... Then how does she... / How is she even alive? / Well... They like to call it intelligence. Careful planning. / Though, really, all of those are just pretty ways of saying... / She lucks out."

I don't think there's a lot of deeper meaning here, Nikita's resentment that Olya was the one who returned is showing, and "Maybe it's because Olga is a woman" might be a reference to his girlfriend. That is just wild guessing at this point, tho.

From here on: Nikita's PoV. This part I am not too sure on, so if you have alternative ideas, let me know

2:28-2:33: "Right through the arc of breaking dawn / Through the haze and through the maw / Of the grinder I won't find her, but I'll guide you through them all" he knows that he won't ever find Nadya again, but he is still faithful to his mision

2:36-2:38: "No more circles left to find / In the windmills of this mind" he has thought about the past so much there is nothing else to do but move on

2:40-2:41: "Rest your members / Now, remember, dear, you’ve always been too kind" as the perceived leader he tells the group to rest, not sure who "dear" is

2:44: "Oh it’s nothing new, the visionless leading the blind" he calls Sergei visionless, he has no greater goal. He calls Olya blind, both in a literal sense after her loss of an eye, as well as metaphorical, as Olya never developed the sense for the Zone that makes a good stalker.

2:48: "It’s easy to say, “why don’t you leave it all behind” " he mirrors 1:39, he thinks Olya has moved on and he is the one stuck in the past. He thinks Olya is condescending towards him

2:52: "And this moral compass is forever misaligned " his perception of Olya is forever tainted and skewed,

2:56-2:59: "All I need to hear is that you’ll be there / By my side" but he still needs her support on missions

3:01: "But you can never know that" he does not want her to know that he relies on her, though.

3:03-3:05: " “Too strong to die” / Or was that me again?" not sure on this one. One possibility is that he mocks her cold attitude. Another is that he is projecting his own emotions onto her. Take this one however you want.

3:07-3:10: "I know that / There has to be some hope that’s / Just out of sight" he is hopeful that the future will be better

From here on: Sergei's PoV.

3:17: "I won’t let myself lose it again" He feels guilty for letting Kolya die and realizes he lost control and almost died himself

3.:19: "And now my only hope is that one day you’ll understand" He decides to keep Sanya under lock to protect her

3:23-3:24: "I’ll wrap the chain / Round my heart and her hammering neck" He will keep her metaphorically chained up to protect her from danger. At the same time he realizes that this will poison their relationship with his sister. Even so, he is willing to put her safety first, even if she will hate him for that.

3:27-3:29: "And save what’s left, though I know that / One day this weight will come to break my back" he is aware that his attempts to safeguard Sanya will one day backfire

From here on: Nikita's PoV again.

3:32: "Once again we were left in the dust " Nikita thinks Yura and him are alike

3:34: "Self-hating ones like us crack when we betray someone’s trust" they are alike, and both feel like they violated somebodies trust (Nikita: Nadya, Yura: KT) and that is something that breaks them emotionally

3:38-3:40: " So if you must / Shield your heart with these layers of rust" Yura is distancing himself emotionally from those he loves, also note the parallel to False Disposition

3:42: "The sun will rise, until then I’ll" but better time will come

3:45: "Be waiting for you on the other side" Nikita will take a sort of mentor position for Yura

After seeing Nikita, who understands him so well, get shot, Yura overreacts and shoots the guard

#pafl #pafl theory #the mill #my english teacher would be proud #but also extremely disappointed #this got way longer than i intended

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