#cos i brush off any if my suspicons as wishful thinking anyways
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How to hide from your feelings 101: live in the library
#right so i am a hater of snapchat and group chats in general cos i always feel like i cant keep up properly#so weve got a groupchat on dnapchat thats my entire friendship group so like..15ish people and it gets so confusing#so i decided to delete snapchat for the weekend cos it was taking up space in my phone and i never used it anyways#so i had a blissful weekend didnt miss it at all#then came into school on monday only to be told that my former best friend had come out as a lesbian on the gc#and everyone else was like yah we thought it was obvious like we got that vibe off her#and obvs cos i am so far in the closet i can see narnia i didnt pick up on it at all whatsoever#cos i brush off any if my suspicons as wishful thinking anyways#so i was in utter shock like i knew her super well for 3 years like it was a group of 3 and wed had countless outings and sleepovers ect#and yah i was a little bit in love with her and yah that might be one of the reasons i stopped being friends with her#and now i just look v v homophobic cos i reacted really weirdly when someone told me and i cant look at her or else ill tell her i loved her#and i cant express how much i cannot under any curvumstance do that EVER#and we stopped being friends on really bad terms as well like its civil and friendly between us now but it wasnt until mayish time#and i dont even like her anymore like shes become really like..pushy? and she thinks getting drunk is a personality trait#and shes just changed completley and it sounds super selfish especially since i did the friendship breakup and she had no idea it was coming#and i really want to write her a letter explaining but i dont know what id say#really i just want to go back to veing fruends with who she used to be but that person doesnt exist anymore!!#and its like if i knew she was a lesbian would anything have changed? would i be braver?#and i cant talk to anyone about it without coming out and i cant do that like the only people that know im a#lesbian is whoever reads these posts so if youve got this far down congrats on being one of the lucky few that know!!#so i dont know what to do now. im just going to sit#maybe read little weirds or the hour of the star#ill be fine#arabella.txt
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