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marinette-buginette · 7 years

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The drunk reveal no one asked for and the cracker shenanigans

Okay, so look at this. It is 8000+ words. Fucking hell. All the thanks to @lunian who is the mastermind behind this gem. Let’s roll. Also, it isn’t proof read cause seriously guys, who has time to proofread 21 pages of crack. Sorry for any gramamr mistake

Marinette looked around the living room, from the music system to the table covered with bowl and bags off what could easily be all the snacks found on the French market. Marinette wasn’t especially in the mood to party, she would have rather stayed at home and finish some designs, especially after the fact that there was an akuma that morning that managed to ruin her sleeping late plans. But Alya insisted, saying there wil be amiliar faces too. And Marinette totally didn’t come because Alya promised Nino is brinign her a certain blond someone who just arrived back to Paris from one year exchange in Milano. Totally not. She was perfectly content with having a friendly conversation with Adrien after only seeing him through Skype for a year. Until he walked in the room. And Marinette finally understood just how low quality the skype camera was.

“Alya.” Marinette hissed grabbing her best friend’s arm in a death grip. “He is hotter than I remember. How’s that possible?”

Alya rolled her eyes fondly, before handling Marinette a glass of wine. “Drink your fear away girl.”

Well, she certainly drank something away, but it wasn’t her fears, it was her wits. Because only out of her wits would she have had screamed at Adrien Agreste (who seemed pretty drunk in his own right) “Hey Agreste! Have I ever told you, you are the most attractive man in all of Paris?”

And her impromptu hollering led to Adrien saying: “Just in Paris? I can assure you I’m the hottest in the galaxy.” and to her ultimate dread and delight.

Honestly, everything after that became pretty blanc. She has a vague memory of a karaoke contest. She also has an ambiguous memory of wondering how she hasn’t gone deaf after hearing Adrien sing ‘If you wanna be my lover’. And between that and a slight flashback of exploding soda cans, Marinette found herself accepting an invitation of an equally drunk Adrien to go back to his apartment.

If 15 years old Marinette would have seen her now, 22 years old Marinette, sitting on the fancy leather couch in Adrien Agreste’s bedroom and drinking expensive wine with him after a night of partying, she would have gone into a cardiac arrest. Not that 22 years old Marinette was faring much better. Sure, she wasn’t about to faint, but she wasn’t exactly fully functioning either. That being the main reason why she kept chugging down Romanée-Conti like it was going out of style while watching Madoka Magica. And as if this sentence itself wasn’t the pure proof that she was extremely drunk (otherwise it wouldn’t happen) then the words that left her mouth next sure were.

“Darling, you are my closest friend,” she muttered while leaning against Adrien. “And I… I have to tell you something.”

Adrien, even in his own drunkness, noticed something was off. “What about Alya?”

Marinette stopped dead in her tracks. Well, Alya was her best of friends in the history of ever, but circumstances. “She gave me a cup of some 7.90 euros bottle of wine from the supermarket. You gave me a fancy wine that makes me feel like my taste buds are orgasming all over the place, so you win the best friend title tonight.”

“... Understandable.” Adrien muttered while Marinette got up, trying to keep her balance.

(She was drunk, but she wasn’t that drunk)

“So I have to tell you… like I really have to tell you.”

To her surprise, Adrien sprung to his feet, making her back of and almost spill the whole glass of wine on the carpet. “Mon Dieu, I just realized I also have to tell you something!”

“Really?”

“Really!”

“Wow. We must be soulmates.”

“It seems so.”

Marinette blinks, before giggling. Why she giggled, she wouldn’t know, but it seemed like a giggle was required. She gesticulated to him with her wine cup, luckily almost empity. “Okay, hear me out. I’m Ladybug.”

Adrien gasped, making Marinette gain confidence. “Yes, babe, I’m Ladybug.”

“No kidding?”

“Nope. I can prove it to you.” she made a few steps back.

Then she heard a faint fearful whisper in the back of her mind, telling her ‘Marinette, please, stop. It will end very badly’. Marinette frowned. Was that her conscience?

“Marinette!” she small voice whisper shouted at the back of her neck.

Ah, no. It was just Tikki. “Calm down my little fairy and give me your power. No, wait, those aren’t the words. What am I supposed to say to transform?” Marinette tapped her chin, utterly confused. Then, she remembered she wasn’t alone in the room. “Adrien, do you know what I have to say to transform?”

The blond shrugged. “Something hella cool, I imagine.”

Marinette turned around only to see a red little bulb trying to fly away. She caught it in her hands before she could manage and brought her closer. “Tikki!” Marinette exclaimed cheerily. “You have more spots than I remember.”

The poor kwami, who looked utterly done with humanity in general, sighed. “It is just your drunk vision, Marinette, I don’t have more spots.”

“Ah, of course! Spots on!”

Adrien watched the transformation in pure fascination, with big, gleaming shoujo eyes. There might even be a little trail of drool from the corner of his mouth. Once she was done and stood as Ladybug in front of him, Adrien declared: “That was cooler than in Madoka Magica!”

Ladybug was delighted. “This is the best compliment I ever heard about my transformation! Probably because it is the only compliment about it ever. Cause no one saw me transform before.”

Adrien nodded. That made sense. Then he got one of those brilliant smiles that reminded you that his smile was indeed insured for 1 million euro. "Now it's my turn"

Ladybug’s eyes widened in surprise. "Wait, what?"

Adrien’s smile turned to a smirk. "You will see." he winks "Fortunately, I remember what to say for transformation. Plagg, claws out!"

Ladybug held her breath, waiting for a binding light. Nothing happens. She glanced up at him, her eyes filled with curiosity and perplexity.

There was obviously only one explanation for this. "Um, did you drink more than me?"

"Hold on, this little shit is somewhere, just too far for transformation." Ladybug looked curiously as Adrien began to look all around the living room. For a second Marinette thought someone might have slipped weed in their drinks and it was making its effect only now

“Aha!” Adrien exclaimed for the other side of the living room as he picked up his shirt from the floor. Oh, shit. Wait. Adrien Agreste had been shirtless. And she only noticed it now?! Yes, someone must have slipped weed in her drink, otherwise she would have noticed if the love of her life was half naked next to her. Damn, were those abs lickable? Yes, yes, they were very lickable.

Adrien, beaming with intoxicated joy picked up Plagg by his tail. "Don't even dare, you drunk idiot!" the kwami shouted, obviously indignant by the whole situation.

"Aww, what a cute mouse!" cooed Marinette from the other side of the living room. Obviously, the drunkness was affecting her sight. "MOUSE?” the kwami continued to scream un utter revolt.” I’m a God of Destruction and I can-"

"Plagg, claws out!" Adrien called out obviously tired of the little circus fest Plagg was doing.

Once the light from his transformation fades, he noticed Ladybug was gaping at him. Then she gasped

"No way!"

"Yep!" he said proudly that he finally managed to leave her speechless.

"All this time Adrien Agreste has been Chat Noir." at this point, Marinette was trying to convince herself that what she had seen wasn’t some wine with weed induced hallucination.

"Yep."

"And all the time I’ve been in love with your model cat ass"

Chat was taken aback. Maybe it was the drunkness speaking. "Yes..?"

There was a pause in her moves, before she looks at him with disappointment.

"Well fuck." she stated, putting her hands on her hips.

"Wait, you are not happy that was me, my Lady?" Chat asked, hoping that he was wrong.

"Well....” she hesitated. “Yeah, I am not really happy, if I have to be honest"

Even in the inebriated state he was in, Chat could feel his heart shatter. "B-but why?"

She sighed, trying to think about the best way to explain her disappointment. Meanwhile, Chat was having an intern crisis full of agony while his intoxicated brain was suggesting him to do something dramatic and stupid. Like beginning to sing something sad and then drown himself in the Seine. Before he could start the first notes of ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’, Ladybug spoke. "Well, I had a dream threesome. A wonderful fantasy that haunted by sex dreams for years." Ladybug said while she is checking all the bottles of wine, because there was certainly need of more alcohol for this situation. Unfortunately, all of them were empty "I’m feeling worse now." Chat froze and he looked as if his brain just gave him an error. "Well, same." he says after a minute of silence.

“About the tragical lack of wine? Yeah, we need to get a new bottle if you are not-.”

"About the threesome"

She scoffs. "You wanted to do it with me as you you and Chat Noir you?"

"No, um..." he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Even as drunk as he was he was too shy to say it "With you as Ladybug and... Marinette"

She drops one of the bottles she was checking

Another moment of silence. Both wanted to fall somewhere but they doesn't know what is the cause of it: alcohol or something else.

"Well, we needed alcohol much earlier."

"We were too young for it, I guess" Adrien mutters even though they were French. They came out of the womb with 4.9% of their blood being red wine.

"Yeah, but not young or innocent enough to not think about the threesome dreams"

Chat felt his face heating, so he raised his hands, hiding it in his palms. Meanwhile Marinette finished her quest for alcohol, managing to find another fancy bottle of expensive wine. She went to Adrien to show it to him and once he gave no response, she poked him. Chat noticed that she was too calm with this conversation.

"I wanna get drunk harder, but I won’t do it alone.” she explained. “You are my partner, right?" He nodded as he took the bottle from her and helped her to open it.

Their plan of getting even more drunk was a real success if the general lack of memory about anything that happened in the next two hours is was a little bit of a blur. Adrien remembered Naruto and kitty litter emergency. Marinette remembered a talk about ass.

("I understand now why your asses look the same"

"You mean, my own one ass?"

"Um, yeah, I guess... But the costume pushes it up, didn’t you notice?"

"Well, same about your costume"

"Hey, tomcat, my ass is perfectly fine without this spotted onsie."

"Ouch, I need to check it when you are out of it then. It’s my worst mistake! Forgive me, my Lady"

"This mistake will be with you forever, Chat Noir. But... I will think of a good way for you to fix it.")

There was something weird though. they required more and more wine to feel like getting drunker. It was as if the getting drunk process was being slowed. Maybe it was magic? Well, not even magic could withstand the alcohol too long. Cause honestly, at this point they were both aware they’ll wake up with a bitch of a hungover, but neither seemed to care too much.

"I want cheese crackers." Ladybug declared suddenly while getting up and beginning to search Adrien’s kitchen

"Why cheese crackers?" he questioned trying to figure out of he imagined the red dot on the wall that seemed to tease him.

"I don’t know, I just want them."

"Well, I have many types of cheese" he stated, thinking about the plague of his life, also known as camembert.

"No. I said cheese crackers, not just cheese. Just go buy me a pack.”

"Like this?" he questioned, finally turning to look in her general direction.

"Yep. It’s much faster. And way cooler"

"Well, you are always right, my lady" he stated, heading towards the window.

All in all, jumping and running along rooftops proved to be a very bad idea while drunk. And in general, if you weren’t a superhero. It was a true adventure, though, which required the to catch each other when they were losing balance and giggle like the drunk idiots they were. However, in their less than logical state, they naturally forgot it was too late for shops to be open. So they separated to search for the damn box of cheese crackers. Chat had one objective in mind: search the pigeon hideouts. Those little shits always had everything. Then, while he was looking for pigeons, Chat noticed a young man, minding his own business ad eating crackers o his balcony. Huh, were they cheese crackers? Better go investigate.

Needless to say, the poor lad choked when he saw a superhero land of his balcony. "Chat Noir?" he asked incredulously, wondering if someone spiked his crackers.

"Hello, random citizen of the wonderful city of Paris. Can you give me your crackers?"

The young man looked from his pack of crackers to the superhero before him. Well, what if crackers were needed for the safety of the city? He didn’t want to be held responsible for destroying the city "Sure. But why?.."

"My Lady is hungry, you know."

Huh, that made sense. When he was hungry he was pissy. And if Ladybug was pissy when she was hungry too , then she could unleash apocalypse and poor him really didn’t like the idea o Ladypocalypse. "Well, I have a couple new packs."

"Damn, bless you!" Chat said happily.

"But for the selfie." hey, he didn’t want the Ladypocalypse, but he also always wanted to a selfie with the superheroes, but was too scared to go near akuma attacks.

"Oh, sure thing!" the superhero said, coming next to him. Whatever attempt at taking a selfie they ever had though, disappeared once another figure appeared on the small balcony. "Oh Chat, i finally found you!" she exclaims happily before leaning in and whispering as if she was about to share an important secret. leans to him and whispers. "My yoyo is tangled and, I think I hit a cat"

Chat gasps. The poor cat! Next to him, the man screamed. "Mon Dieu, it’s Ladybug!"

She turned towards him, only noticing him now.

"Who is that?" she asked Chat in what was supposed to be a low whisper.

"Well, he is an owner of the apartment we are invading at the moment.”

"Oh, okay." Ladybug nodded, trying to process the information through her hazy mind. Meanwhile, the poor citizen looked confused fro one hero to the other. Then it hit him

"Wait... Is that the smell of alcohol?"

"Nah, just wine." says Chat, because hey, it was France. Wine was a fruit, not alcohol. "And when I was in the toilet earlier, I accidentally sprayed some "The breath of the sea" on myself"

Hearing that, Ladybug leaned closer than necessary and managed to fall on Chat, making them both end up on the floor. And to add to that she also sniffed him. With a delighted sigh, she muttered. "Smells good." They both giggled.

"I can’t believe I have drunk Ladybug and Chat Noir in my house.” said the confused man, who seemed to have an epiphany.

Luckily for that man, they were drunk enough to take about fifty selfies in exchange for those cheese crackers. After this exchange took place the heroes went on their way with their crackers and the before mentioned selfies ended up on facebook, instagram, twitter, tumblr and any other social media platform. In less than ten minutes the whole city of Paris, country of France and some others were aware that Ladybug and Chat Noir were extremely drunk and embarrassing. And all the people who thought it was worth started invading the streets and climbing on their roofs hoping they will get a selfie and maybe something interesting out of the two. Some people were lucky enough to get selfies and information about the love Ladybug had for cheese crackers. Some people were unlucky enough to only hear Chat Noir singing Spice Girls songs entirely off key.

(“Ah, Spice Girl, such a good era for me.” “You weren’t born, Chat.”

“Yes, exactly.”)

After a while, the people who got out trying to get selfies went back inside. Honestly, there weren’t many out anyway, it was a Friday night. People had their own drunk shenanigans affairs to take care of. And it was a windy night anyway. Not that Chat cared about the wind when he suggested he want to try the water of the Seine. Honestly, what was there to try? That river was always dirty and horrible. Ladybug had to bribe him with crackers to not go. After what might have been one hour of wandering and almost falling off the roofs, they decided to settle on the top of one, admiring the city around them and eating crackers. It was a comfortable silence, until Ladybug decided to break it.

"My head is starting hurt." remarks she, while chewing another cracker.

Chat, who was staring at her through lidded eyes made a remark of his own. "I’m starting to realize that you have more spots on your costume."

"Nah, Tikki said it’s drunk vision" Marinette stated, remembering her kwami’s words from earlier.

"So you don't have six spots on your butt?" Chat’s eyes were narrowed in confusion.

"Just because I’m drunk, nicer than ever, and you are the love of my life, it doesnt mean I wouldn’t kick you for such that remark."

"Sorry." he apologized immediately then frowned. "Love of your life?"

You know the look people give to their cats when said cats make something extremely dumb? That was the look Ladybug was giving him at the moment.

"My words about loving your model cat ass weren’t clear enough?"

"Well, that technically is more about lust, not love. And there was the threesome thing."

Marinette blinked, entirely flabbergasted. "Okay, I’ve been in love with you since you gave me that damn umbrella back in college.”

"You hated me!" Chat yells shocked, entirely obvious to the fact that it was, in fact, very much love. A silence fell ver as they stared at each other.

"Really? Just after that?" he asked.

Ladybug nodded. "Yep."

"Not after protecting you and working with you as Chat Noir, but after this umbrella which I gave you mostly in a sign of apology and because I’m just a gentleman?"

Ladybug shrugged. "Well... yeah, that was really cute. And very movie like, with you standing in the rain, lending me the umbrella while soft piano music was playing in the background. Or maybe I hallucinated the piano music.”

"When I sacrificed my life for protecting you, wasn’t that cute enough?"

"Hey, that was after it!" Ladybug argued, crossing her arms.

"It doesn't matter, Chat is way cooler than Adrien!"

"No, he is not!"

"Adrien Agreste sucks!"

"So Chat Noir swallows!"

Chat screams in indignation. He was aware Adrien was him and he was Adrien, but still. Alcohol decided an argument about how you suck (or swallow) was a good idea.

"You still had the threesome dreams even if I swallow! Or did you have hem because I swallow?"

"Maybe and yes, you have no idea how many of them I had!" And still have, if she had to be honest with herself.

"Oh!” Chat fidgeted wanting to say something to make him win the argument even if they weren’t arguing about anything. ”Well, I had more about Marinette and Ladybug than you about us! I mean me and uh.... you get it!"

"Oh, I get it, you little perv!" she picked on of the crackers and threw it at him. He dodged it with the experience of a person who spent their whole life dodging crackers thrown their way.

"Like you are not!" and to prove his point he also throws a cracker at him.

"It doesn't matter, you ruined my young hormonal teenage girl dreams!" she argued back

"And you ruined my young hormonal teenage boy dreams!"

She stops throwing cracker at him and sighs. "I don’t even want to know how often you dreamed about it"

In response, he grinned widely. "Well, in all honesty, I want to know about how much you dreamed about it."

She hits him over the head with one empty pack of crackers, making him giggle. "I guess, I dreamed very often."

"Knowing you, less frequently than me."

"Possibly true."

The not actually awkward silence continued as they both tried to put some order in their drunken thoughts. Also, they just run out of crackers cause they were busy throwing them at each other. Due to the lack o something to fill her mouth with, Ladybug decided to speak.

"So we, two hot people, are sitting here and still haven’t even hugged each other."

Chat blinked, obviously confused by her statement. "Um... should we?" She sighed in exasperation. "Adrien, you are such a virgin."

"I haven’t said that I am!" he exclaimed defensively while blush colored his cheeks.

"You don’t need to." Ladybug’s expression turned slowly to a frown. "But... maybe you don’t want me?"

Chat was even more taken aback? Seriously? After years o pinning he wasn’t the one wanting her? Ridiculous. "I didn’t mean that."

"So hug me!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

"We are very drunk" "I’m not trying to convince you to take me right here and now." not that she would mind, but she was a little too drunk for it. "But let's hug each other. Like friends, you know?"

"But why?" Chat asked still somehow confused by the simple concept of a hug.

"God dammit, you were always ready for this being sober, so what’s stopping you right now?" she moved closer to him and looked at him expectantly.

"I guess… " Chat gulped "It won’t end only with platonic hugs"

"Of course it won't, silly kitten. But that isn’t now. Let’s concentrate on now.”

And with that, she hugs him. Chat immediately froze and yet, he felt something warm inside. He had no idea what was going on between them, but hey, he wouldn’t necessary refuse a hug. Even so, how did drunk talks about their teenage sex dreams lead to oh so called ‘platonic’ hugs, was beyond him.

"Chat, your hands." he heard Ladybug mutter. His hands? He had two.

"What? I’m not touching you." he stated closing and opening his fists to make sure they didn't end up on the Ladybutt by accident.

"That's what I mean. Put on them somewhere."

"W-where?" he was being a gentlecat okay? Not an awkward idiot.

"On my back, Catsanova."

Hesitantly, Chat wrapped his arms around her, settling his palms on her back. When he did that, Ladybug hugged him tighter.

"You still smell so good. What perfume is it?"

"I told you when we were robbing that poor citizen of crackers, it’s air refresher for toilet." he states, making her giggle.

"Damn you, rich boys."

"Uh no, I bought it at the supermarket." He wasn’t even aware if a deluxe toilet air refresher line existed. He should check.

"Shut up, I’m trying to flirt."

"Oh," Chat said as if someone just hit him over the head. Man, the world was so fuzzy when you were intoxicated.

"I can't believe that you are dumber than ever now, when it matters the most." Ladybug whined.

"I can't believe you are seducing me."

"Well, someone has to manage this situation." she pointed out.

Sighing contently, Ladybug lowered her hands on his back and looked up at him. Her vision wasn’t that clear and neither was her mind, but it didn’t stop her from speaking.

"You have such beautiful eyes." she whispered.

His sight was bleary too, but still, he replied. "Well, you`ve always had beautiful eyes, My Lady. Even if I don’t clearly see them now, I remember them."

She laughed at that, not sure if it was actually funny or simply because they were drunk. Then she poked his nose, before she decided it was nice how he scrunched up his nose and began poking him all over his face.

"Okay, I’m already tired of flirting with you, let’s kiss." With no regard of any kind o sobriety that might still be in his head, she leaned up fastly, making Chat scream.

"Wha- I��m not ready. Don’t be so pushy!"

Marinette couldn’t believe her ears. "Me? Pushy? I was waiting for it for like four years!"

"Me too, but-"

"Our only kiss was for some important nonsense and you don’t even remember it so doesn't deprive me of this."

"Wait, what kiss?" he asked, entirely flabbergasted. Honestly, he would remember if they kissed.

"That’s what I'm talking about!"

"Okay, but maybe tomorrow we won’t remember this either." his brain was obviously trying to fight the drunkness and bring some sense into the situation.

Ladybug groaned, entirely exasperated. "Chat, my dear, sweet, little pussy, I don’t give a shit. I finally have a good chance to make out with Adrien Agreste while he is in a tight leather like cat costume, so Satan help me, I don’t see any reason not to do it."

"Well..."

"Don’t even dare say anything. But that pretty mouth to better use.”

"...... Ok."

Look, drunk kisses aren’t necessary romantic or sexy. Not when you are that drunk. But for this exact reason, known us their state of intoxication, the kiss seemed like the sexiest, most romantic thing ever. Chat still wasn’t too sure what to do with his hands, what would be more gentlemanly or fit for the situation. Meanwhile Ladybug was touching everything. Literally. And drunk or not, Adrien was a shy creature that was entirely lost when senpai noticed him.

"Why are your hands on my hip, m-my Lady?" he asks, in a husky tone. "Why are your hands not on my hip, minou?"

Ladybug grabs his hands and puts them on her hips. And while Chat was busy blushing from the simple contact, Ladybug decided to do something else besides kissing. She began to kiss his jaw, then down along his neck, poking her tongue out to lick from time to time. Hoping her hormonal teenage girl fantasies didn’t fool her, she begins to unzip his suit.

"You know, your cat bell is super adorable." she says in a low tone.

"Er... thanks?" he wasn’t sure what you are supposed to say when a whatever the fuck she was to him right now compliments your zipper.

Ladybug giggled. "But your shyness is the most adorable thing." she lowered herself on her knees as she cooed the next sentence. "And it turns me on so much".

Chat was close to having a stroke. "W-what are you d-doing?"

She glances up at him and Chat was one step away from fainting. That was the smuggest shit eating grin he had seen in his whole life. And he looked in the mirror.

"I’m doing what I want."

"And do what you want then?" he was honestly afraid of the answer.

"Well… " she giggles as she runs her hands up and down his thighs. "I want to do many things. But firstly, I think you have too many clothes on you."

Chat Noir never thought Ladybug would fuck him on a roof. Not at first, at least. Their first fuck always had a lot more silk, roses, and Edith Piaf. As in Edith Piaf’s music, not actual Edit Piaf the person. Ladybug gets up again and begins to kiss him. Chat honestly wasn’t sure how much they stayed like that, sucking each other souls out and grabbing at whatever was in reach. Which for Ladybug happened to be his ass. Like all the time.

"Ah, minou.” Ladybug moaned against his lips. “I… I… “

"Yes, princess?"

"I want to-"

Adrien was on his toes. The way her eyes were foggy and her lips were parted, her breath uneven, he simply knew something sexy was coming.

"I want to vomit!" She pushed him away, basically running away from him and she manages to kneel down and barf over the edge of the roof. Hopefully, no one was on the balconies bellow, or they may be in for a surprise. Chat looks sadly at Ladybug who was still barfing. Then sadly, down at his boner who was really trying to push through the suit for a while now. Well, seems like any kind of solving for that was out of question now. With a shrug, he went to his lady’s aid, to hold her hair back as she was barfing her guts over the façade of the 18th-century building.

"Are you okay?" he questions once he thought she was done.

She wiped off her mouth and smirked up at him."Well, now my mouth is not really fit for making out."

"Yeah." he nodded while his boner was still singing a song of pure agony in his pants.

"So let’s hug again!” she said extending her arms and jumping on him. Needless to say, Chat was knocked on his back. And as if that wasn’t enough, Ladybug began to rub herself against him.

"When did you get a second baton?" she asked entirely confused as she kept rubbing harder. She wanted a second yoyo too!

Chat bit his lip till the point of bleeding to keep from moaning and screaming in both joy and agony. She really appreciated when she stilled her movement.

"My Lady, I think we really need to… “Adrien interrupted himself when he heard a low snore. He was flabbergasted to find out Ladybug was fast asleep. Oh well, this place didn’t seem bad for a nap.

Now you, dear reader would think this is where I finish the fic. Well, shit fam, you just played yourself, cause there is more. And it gets even crackier if that’s possible.

After a not so long night our dear superheroes woke up in a killer hungover. And detransformed.

Marinette woke up swearing so much he would have put any taxi driver to shame. And as if the headache and the fact that she felt like she ate cotton dipped in acid weren’t enough, she realized she was in her normal clothes and lying next to something warm and soft. With her vision still blurred, she got on her ass and managed to regain her sight well enough to see her surroundings. And then she screamed.

"Adrien?”

"Yes, mommy, I’m getting up." he murmured and smiled in his sleep. In any other circumstances, Marinette would have melted from the cuteness.

But frankly she had other worries now. Like why she was here with him. No, wait. Where is here?

… on a fucking roof apparently. What the actual fuck?

"Adrien, wake up!" she hisses trying to shake him awake.

Adrien wakes up indeed, with the silliest smile ever and still thinking he was dreaming if his words were anything to go by.

"Oh maman, I had the strangest dream" he said, rubbing his eyes.

"It’s Marinette."

"Yeah, there was Marinette.”

"No, I’m Marinette, not your mom!"

Adrien seemed to finally realize he wasn’t, in fact, dreaming and looked around really confused.

"Aw... that's right, my mom is gone for years now." he kept looking around as if the skyline of Paris could give him answers. "Um... it’s still a dream, right?"

"I wish it would be."

Looking at each other they same question was going through their mind. Why am I here with her/him?

"Let’s get outta here" Adrien said after a long awkward silence.

"Okay, but how?"

"Uh, well... do you remember something about last night?"

Marinette scratched her head. "Just what happened at the party. And not much from that either, to be honest." Marinette blushed. "And how we were walking after it. I guess, we were coming to your flat?"

He rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, that’s right. But what happened then?"

She shrugged, not sure herself. Gratefully, she noticed that, at least, they were dressed. She blushed even more at the thought. Adrien decided technology was needed to help them figure this mystery and got his phone from his pocket.

"Oh thank God, I didn’t lose it." he frowned once he checked the screen "There are 34 missed calls. Strange enough, most of them are from Alya."

"Well, I left mine somewhere so that’s probably why she decided to call you." Marinette said, after she noticed she didn’t have her phone with her.

"Oh,” Adrien gulped cause an angry Alya could unleash the apocalypse. “I’m scared."

"Oh, you have to be." Marinette nodds.

"Should I call her back?"

"Let me do it." she takes the phone from him, forgetting entirely about the shyness in the situation they were in. She dialed the number. Alya should know what was going on. Marinette barely had time to open her mouth to say a simple hi.

"GOSH DARNIT GIRL! I HOPE YOU ARE NOT CALLING ME FROM THE CAVE OR DARK BASEMENT."

"Uh well... no. I’m far from it, to be honest."

"Where is your phone? Where exactly are you?" Alya inquired further.

"I lost it, I guess. Maybe I just left at Adrien`s place. We are, um, outside right now." Adrien smiled awkwardly, once she looked at him.

"Wait. You two were in his flat. What did you do?" at least Alya’s voice became more cheerful, thus postponing the Alyapocalypse.

"We... we don’t remember." admitted Marinette.

She could see Alya smirk. "Are you...?"

"No! We are dressed." Unfortunately. Fortunately? Marinette wasn’t sure with that bitch of a headache. Hearing that, Adrien choked on air and started to couch.

"Okay then." disappointment was clear in Alya’s voice. "I don’t know what you two were doing, but you have no idea what a certain pair was up to last night!"

"A certain pair?"

"Ladybug and Chat Noir!

Marinette was really grateful she was in the middle of the roof or she would have fallen off. She exchanged a look with a confused Adrien.

"I will send your boy a couple of vids and the links on his facebook. Get ready."

Marinette wasn’t able to say anything as Alya closed the call and sent the respective information.

"What’s wrong?" Adrien asked, crawling next to her.

Marinette opened the message at the speed of light. He leaned over her shoulder to take a look at his phone, which Mari was still holding as she opened one of the videos.

"Hey, guys, are you celebrating something?" someone asks in the background, probably the person making the video.

They noticed Ladybug who started to giggle and Chat who smiled widely. They were in a random street, at night, so the quality of the video wasn't really good thus seeing everything clear was almost impossible.

"Well, we are just celebrating how awesome we are, right,chaton?" the Ladybug in the video questioned from a low roof.

"Yep, my Lady."

The video continued with the two superheroes talking some more gibberish before running away and almost falling off the roof.

"Am I- I mean, are they drunk as hell?" Adrien asked shocked.That wasn’t him, right? Marinette wasn’t in a better place either, her poor hungover mind trying to find some sense in this situation. Both of them were wondering if they and their partner were drunk what’s up with Marinette/Adrien being there too. And where was their partner? They watch all the videos for strictly memory purposes and every other piece of content they can find on the subject. Naturally, they began to remember things, but it was still a little too blurry. When they finished watching all that mess, Marinette had a deep desire to fall onf the roof. She glanced at Adrien shyly. Frankly, he looks like he is considering jumping too. Hey, suicide together, how very romantic.

"Wow, they are, haha, they were so funny, right?" Adrien said, finally, looking really awkward and laughing forcefully.

"Haha, yeah! Especially Chat." Marinette tried to look as normal as possible, but when Adrien suddenly scowls at her and narrows his eyes, she gulps.

"Why is he funnier than Ladybug?"

"Um, well... He is always more humorous, you know.” she tried to explain, even though Chat’s dad humour and shitty puns were hardly humorous in any way. “He is actually quite cute when he is drunk."

"Well, I’ve never seen Ladybug so libertine. It's so... um."

"Sexy?" did she really just say that about herself? Fucking hell.

Adrien blushed, his metaphorical boner or Ladybug obvious to anybody. "Yeah, kind of."

Narrowing her eyes, Marinette has an epiphany. "I remember something very vague. Ladybug, Chat Noir, threesome." she mumbled more to herself, but oops, it was too loud and Adrien heard.

They both looked at each other in shock

"What?" Adrien’s voice when he screamed that was too high for a man his age. Her eyes widened in realization as she screams as well. Ah, a screaming symphony. Typical Parisian morning.

"You revealed your dream about a threesome with me and m- Ladybug! I remember it!” Adrien screams again after he says that.

"YOU REVEALED ME THE SAME!" Marinette screams back, defensively.

"What? I don't wanna threesome with Ladybug and-"

"Me and Chat Noir." realizing too late what she said, she yelps and hides her face in her hands. Fuck, Adrien will ever want to marry her after this mess.

Another awkward silence fell over them. This time it was Adrien who broke it. He looked at Marinette and grinned.

"Ladybug was right. You look really great with a loose hair."

"Huh? Do I?" Marinette took one of her hair strands between her fingers and looked at it quizzically. "I also said I look good with it." she mutters, her expression resembling the confused lady from the confused math lady meme.

He giggled, but then stopped once realizes something doesn’t click. Beside them being on a roof and all that shit. "Wait, Ladybug said it to me."

"But I said it to Chat Noir.” Marinette frowned. “But when the fuck did I say something like that to him?" looking at him again, as if Adrien in all his sunshine glory had an answer, she noticed something. "Is that hickeys on your neck, Adrien?"

"So that wasn’t an another dream." Adrien whispers, touching his neck absently. Then he looks at Marinette, noticing she too had hickeys on her neck.

"Well, if you don’t remember about Chat Noir and I don’t remember about Ladybug, at least we know it wasn’t a foursome."

"You are damn Sherlock, Marinette." Adrien said, not sure if he was sarcastic or not. Seriously, what was voice tone? What were thoughts? What was life? Why was he asking existential questions while in hungover?

"At least, I’m trying!" Marinette defended herself.

"Let's get back a bit!" Adriens says with a hand wave.

"Ugh, my head hurts." Marinette bemoaned.

“Mine too! But we have to solve this. There is something that confuses me too much.

Marinette looked at him and frankly, she couldn’t give less fucks about his theory that wasn’t even said out loud yet. For now.

"If you said it to Chat Noir, the thing about your hair, and I heard it from Ladybug, that means that... we talked about it with each other?" Adrien looked confused by his own sentence.

"I just realized that I told Chat about a threesome. I remember this silly drunk cat face."

Silly? Adrien scoffed. His face, even drunk wasn’t silly. It was loveable.

"So why did you say that I had this conversation with you?"

Because he was Chat Noir, but she doesn't know it that and he better keep it like that if he didn’t want his lady to turn him into a carpet.

Meanwhile Marinette was thinking that he was spending time with her as Ladybug, but she was also with Chat Noir and then she and Adrien woke up together with mystery hickeys. Aha! Problem solved!

"We need to find Chat Noir!" Marinette said at the same time when Adrien said. "We need to find Ladybug!"

They looked at each other in surprise. Their brains synchronized in a series of ‘ums’.

"Um, no, I guess it’s more important to find Ladybug" said Adrien.

"Why? I remember perfectly that Chat was here, so I’m sure he can tell us something." Marinette counter argued.

"I hope you don’t have a theory that we actually had a threesome." scoffed Adrien.

"No… " Marinette looked away considering whistling could make her look less suspicious. Do you?..."

"I just wanna say that… “ she began to defend, but Adrien interrupted her.

“But it is impossible, okay?” Adrien screamed before she could continue.

“Why? If you don’t prefer guys, it doesn’t mean that something like that couldn’t happen while you were drunk.”

Adrien’s mind was screaming something along the lines of: Does she really hope it was a threesome? Well, one with Marinette and Ladybug would be hot and actually make sense cause they weren’t the same person.

"I didn’t mean that I don’t prefer guys, I mean it can’t happen while I’m drunk!”

"Yeah, I still remember how you kissed Nino yesterday, at the party." well, of course. Nino wasn’t is secret alter ego.

"It was bro kiss on the cheek."

"And you declared something like, ‘I would give all my manga collection if it will save your life, bro’.. That was really strong." Well, he would! Nino was life. And seriously, she wanted to play that game? Cause he had some memories from the party too.

"You said to Chloe that she is not that much of a bitch and her dress really suits her." Adrien recalled.

"I was really drunk, okay?"

"You also tried to pull the dress off her from her after you accidentally poured cocktail on it. And then you invited her to have a shower with you."

"Really. Drunk." Marinette muttered through gritted teeth. Honestly, if she wouldn’t have been drunk she would have invited someone decent to shower together with her. Like Alya, or Alix or any other decent human being. Not Chloe.

"Yeah, sure." Adrien rolled his eyes.

"So you don’t deny now that the hickeys on your skin could be made by Chat Noir."

"JESUS CHRIST NO, THEY AREN’T.”

"Don’t hide your little gay, Agreste. It’s okay, we are all bisexuals on this roof. "

"I DON’T DENY IT."

"Oh, so Chat is just not your type? I guess, you like dark haired -"

Adrien started screaming while Marinette was laughing. Adrien decided to turn tables on her. "Oh, so you have a type about blondies, huh?"

"....Shut up"

"Ha, gotcha!" he grins widely, proud of his counter attack.

"Shuuu-"

"Maybe you really have foursome dreams, but with Chloe instead of Ladybug."

"-uuuuuuut uuuuu-"

"Omg, you are so red!"

"-uuuuuuuup!"

Its his turn for laughing as Marinette was currently creating the longest shut up in history. Someone call Guinness Records.

"At least, we know that Chat Noir could prefer cute blond boys.” she retorted finally.

"I told you, it’s impossible." Adrien crossed his arms.

"Why?"

"Um, because I would remember it."

"Well, maybe Chat remembers it perfectly. We should find him."

"Ugh, why are you ignoring Ladybug then? You don’t remember her like I don’t remember Chat. So I can say that you two were having make out session which you just don’t remember."

"That's what you are dreaming about, huh?"

"I didn't say it… "

"Your face does, thought."

"You won."

She sighed. Viva la victory, this shit still didn’t make any sense.

"Okay, maybe there were no Ladybug and Chat Noir?" she suggested.

"Um, how?

"Maybe it was our drunk fantasy? And we did it with each other?"

"But I was Cha- But what about Chat Noir and Ladybug then?"

She remembered clearly that she transformed in Ladybug, so it didn’t make sense.

"Well, maybe we were-"

"OH GOD IM SO TIRED OF THIS SICK OF THIS MESS. I TRIED MY BEST TO RESIST, BUT I CAN’T ANYMORE."

"Plagg!?" Adrien looks at his mad kwami , shocked.

"Whats the fu-"

"IT WAS YOU TWO ALL THE TIME, OKAY? NOTHING FROM YOUR SICK FANTASIES, JUST TWO DRUNK IDIOTS WHO DISGRACED ALL THE PAST HEROES AND ALL THE FUTURE ONES BY HORRIBLE SINGING, DANCING AND SINFUL ACTS"

"Adrien, is that a kwa-"

"I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE THAT YOU DON’T REMEMBER HOW YOU REVEALED EACH OTHER AND WERE USING YOUR POWERS FOR SEARCHING FOR CRACKERS."

"Oh, I remember them." Adrien says and Marinette nodds. The crackers had been good.

"OH YOU REMEMBER THEM, HOW SWEET" Plagg was simply fuming. "I WASN’T SO MAD EVEN WHEN MY CHOSEN IN THE DARK AGES KILLED A WITCH WHO ACTUALLY WAS ANOTHER MIRACULOUS HOLDER, SO I GUESS YOU UNDERSTAND MY MOOD."

"Ouch"

"So, Adrien... you are Chat Noir?" Marinette asks, turning to the blond and ignoring the kwami

"And you are?.."

"TIKKI SHOW UP, THIS DUMBASS STILL DOESNT GET IT."

"Plagg, calm down." the red kwami says, appearing on Marinette’s shoulder.

"I want to retire."

"Okay, now I remember almost everything." Marinette whispers as realization drowns on her.

"Me too, oh gosh...."

"Well, we realized that we have other versions of threesomes, right?"

"Did we?"

She scoffs. Meanwhile the kwamis had their own argument.

“HOW COME YOU WERE MORE OFFENDED WHEN MY CHOSEN ACCIDENTALLY CREATED THE BLACK PLAGUE? WHY AREN’T YOU OFFENDED NOW, TIKKI?”

The red kwami, sighed. ”Plagg, their fantasies about threesomes didn't kill 1/3 of the population of Europe.”

"So we were close to have sex right there..."

"To be clear, you was close to suck my-"

"I’M STILL HERE"

One screaming contest later, Marinette gets a really smug look on her face. “Oh, minou, there is something we didn’t finish last night/

Adrien gulps. "Right here? Princess, I’m really not into exhibitionism hehe."

"Then let's go."

With a nodd, they both called their transformation as Plagg was busy screaming ‘NOT AGAIN’ while being absorbed in the ring

Well, sadly dear readers, it turns out fucking while in hungover wasn’t a good idea for a variety of reasons. Firstly, they both needed to wash their mouth. And take a shower. And pills and water for the headache. And when they were finally done with all these activities required before fucking, turns out it was a little bit awkward during the day when you weren’t drunk. So they ended up, sitting on the couch and awkwardly making conversation. It turned out good in the end cause hey, they told each other about their fantasy threesome, it could only go up from there.

Meanwhie, the poor kwami of destruction was laying on the table sipping whatever drops o win were left in a bottle.

“Woe is me.”

#miraculous ladybug #ladybug x chat noir #ladynoir #adrien x marinette #adrinette #marinette x chat noir #marichat #ladybug x adrien #ladrien #my writing #TML #jesus

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