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marveloustiming · 6 years

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Look at the Stars (Prologue)

A/N: This is a fun concept for me so I'm going to try it out. I'm hopefully going to do a few more chapters and see how it goes. Let me know who the love interest should be, as I haven't decided yet.

Gif not mine

Warnings: Mentions of torture

My early life had been a bunch of ups and downs. My parents had put me in the foster care when I was a little kid for showing signs of being able to control the earth. I had accidentally exploded a flower pot when I was three and I panicked, which led to the flower pots outside exploding. Eventually I had been picked up by a guy named Luke Connors at the age of fifteen. He didn't seem to bothered by the fact that when I got to angry, panicked or anxious the earth around me would do something strange. Like when I was five a girl tried to get to one of my books during playtime, the dirt formed a barrier so her hand hit a solid wall. I ended up getting in trouble for that, even though I technically didn't want that to happen. I was an outsider after that. A strange thing that was to be avoided at all costs or else I would get the earth to hurt you.

When I was seven a different girl tried to get my headphones. I was sitting under a giant sycamore tree at the the time and she tried to lunge and get them. Her name was Abbie and she was ten. She thought she was the best thing there was. Abbie had wanted the headphones so that she could talk to her rude sister who had moved out a while ago. When she lunged at me and got a hold of the them, a thick tree branch had quickly slid down, gripped Abbie's waist and lifted her into the air. She was dropped quickly after my headphones. A few people had saw and had reported it to the women in charge. I got in all lot of trouble and at the the time I didn't know why. I just wanted to be left alone and Abbie was the one that was bothering me! Now I know not to do that on Earth. Its considered strange and rude. I had also learned that day that I could control not just the earth, but plants as well. I found myself trying to learn how to control it. After that Abbie made my life even more shitty then it already was.

Finally when I was fifteen a guy adopted me. His name was Luke Connors. He was a tall guy. Maybe 6'4 and he was maybe in his mid twenties. He had dirty blonde hair and a scar on his neck. He also didn't seem bothered by the fact that I broke a girls hand with dirt or that I had left a couple of bruises on Abbie's waist with a tree branch. My name was legally changed to Arva Connors instead of Arva Marris. Things started going wrong afterwords. The first sign was the fact that we never got into a car. Luke didn't seem to have his own car and he didn't call a taxi. I had kept asking him where we were going because I was getting tired of carrying my backpack. I mean the thing was huge,. It was filled to the brim with a couple pairs of clothes, my tablet, headphones, a charger, and five or six books. It was tiring to carry at the time. After walking for a while and countless questions I was finally able to make him stop walking. We were stopped outside of a beautiful restaurant. It had hanging and potted plants everywhere, as well as a few vines on the walls. Every time I asked a question he just smiled this wide, happy grin and laughed like I had just told the funniest joke. At that point I got so frustrated that all the flower pots exploded.

He simply stated that we were almost there. In my head I knew that something was very, very wrong. I just didn't want to believe it because Luke seemed so nice and it was amazing to be out of that place. But the farther we walked and the more questions he deflected the more I had to admit that everything was just wrong. I started to think of all the different dark possibilities that I've heard over the years, but one main thing came to mind. What if he was going to sell me? That thought had struck fear through me. I started to walk slower and I went completely silent. If he was going to do that then why go through all the work of adopting me? That would waste time. Although that calmed me down I was tense while walking. Soon after that we came to a place where very few people were and that's when I made up my mind. This was exactly what I thought it was. He was going to try and sell me or something much worse.

The building was made up of gray stones and a metal door. There were no windows to be seen. And everything went immediately downhill as we walked through those doors. There were maybe a dozen people in there. Although I'm not even sure if they were people. There was a man who had dark blue skin and a nasty scar running across his face. A women with light purple skin stood by a wall of cages. Then there was the giant tree that stood in the corner. The thing about it was that that it was alive. And not in the way a tree should be alive. It had eyes and a mouth and it moved its limbs without me doing it. A man with golden skin stood next to him. As I was looking around the man with the blue skin and the scar had come up to Luke. They were discussing money. A price. As soon as I processed what he said i turned around and bolted to the door. The blue guys hand clamped around my arm and he flung me back. Luke and the blue guy argued for a few more moments before I was dragged to the wall of cages. I was forcibly shoved into the bottom right one, which was right next to the living tree.

"What are you," I asked in wonder.

"I am Groot," was his simple answer, and I found that I understood him perfectly. After that I chose to fall asleep.

I woke up to my cage rattling. For a moment I forgot what had happened and I panicked. I heard a rough voice call from beside me.

"You okay, sweetheart?" That's the day I met Rocket the Raccoon. After that, through tests and experimentations my powers eventually expanded. I was able to control all of the elements and then some. I was able to control electricity and turn into different animals. I was torn apart, scarred and injected with dozens of unknown chemicals and liquids. They made me train tirelessly to the point where I knew how to control my powers, and to seem completely calm and collected. All the while I formed an escape plan with Rocket the Raccoon and Groot.

#guardians of the galaxy imagine #guardians of the galaxy #peter quill #rocket the raccoon #groot #drax the destroyer #gamora #arva marris #look at the stars

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justaclassytrashpanda · 7 years

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Until Dawn JoshxChris Fic: Tainted Love

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s not right. After all we’ve been through-”

“Exactly Sam. We’ve been half the shit he’s been through-”

“HE put us through some of it!”

“That wasn’t his fault! I mean-...yeah, but...” He was off his meds. He lost his mind to grief. He never intended any of it. Did any of it really make his actions forgivable? Maybe not. But one thing did. “....none of us are blameless.” The last part was a murmured confession that stirred like a waking snake monster in a pit of oil. Under all the trauma, all of...that. None of them dared think about the twins. That fatal prank and the guilt...fuck, all of them had unconsciously started calling them “Them” after that night. That or “The Girls” or “The Twins” like saying their name would invoke...something. Maybe it had....

Chris shook his head and took off his glasses, pressing the back of his hand to his eyes. Pressing his knuckles against his eyeballs helped fight the migraine that was trying to push them out. If the migraines were a side effect of the medication for the PTSD or the actual PTSD itself he didn’t fucking know. Sam was talking again, soft and concerned. She was always understanding...even Josh had confided in her after losing his sisters. The gentle thudding in his head crowded out all noise and thought however. The pressure he was putting on his eyes matched the pain in his head and it felt kinda nice.....relieving.

“...Chris? Chris you haven’t said anything for awhile now.......”

“Sorry, yeah...” His voice was tired and resigned and he didn’t try and hide it. He slipped his glasses back on and opened his eyes to bright harsh world. “...I’ll call you back yeah?”

“You better.” Sam scolded playfully, but she meant it.

Chris wasn’t coping. Hell, maybe none of them were really but how do you deal with knowing things like the Wendigo were out there? What else was? Most had gone their separate ways but Chris....Chris kept visiting Josh. It wasn’t healthy, she had argued. But she had given up getting angry over it, as there was no changing his mind. He was clinging to him, out of guilt or need, some coping mechanism? Some dark part of her whispered that she should be visiting too...or at least once. Hadn’t she failed him enough? No. She had done what she could.....it was time to walk away. They chatted about meeting up for lunch or something. It was spoken about less like a friendship and more like a group therapy session. Pleasantries and no real enthusiasm.

He had moved to be close to the Institute. With no family anymore, Chris had put forward his contact details should any major decisions need to be made and Josh was in no state to. When they had found him….Christ. His hands flexed on the steering wheel and he adjusted his grip.

Blood. Fire. Skittering pale things. Josh.

Chris never had used to drive, but had since learned a lot of new things. He had started to take shooting lessons, learned to drive, and taken to basic survival training. Nothing serious, mostly just summer camp stuff….and never in the woods. Never too far. But he had managed that. And he managed to go for a walk in the woods. He was healing. He was stronger, he told himself as the Institute came into view. They were both getting better…..

Josh grinned him when he saw him. Head resting in hand, covering part of his mouth and face, he seemed almost like the old Josh. He was a little pale and his eyes weren’t quite as dark as they used to be, but he seemed more focused. His eyes weren’t darting about and he seemed relaxed….he was wearing one of his signature beanies. If it weren’t for the white patient outfit and sterile surroundings it could have been any old catch up.

“Hey man…” Chris started really warmly and then faltered like always. What do you say? How have you been? What’s happening? But Josh felt the warmth of the other’s voice and let him be awkward, watching the other move and sit at the chair at the desk. He looked down between his knees at the laminated flooring, perching on the side of his bed and then to the door as it was shut with one of the guards stood inside, face a solemn mask and his hand resting on his nightstick. Anger welled within him, unnecessary and wild. Then Chris started to speak.

“Reminds me of our old Uni rooms…”

They talked a lot about those days. Past adventures and mistakes….okay, so mostly they were all misadventures but none malicious and it was what had bonded them. Two slightly weird nerds who had no idea what to do with girls. Josh huffed a laugh and dropped the hand from his face and Chris tried not to stare but it was still hard…they had filed the-…fuck, there was no other way to call them but fangs. The…teeth, down. Tried to sow up the joker-esque half smile that mocked Josh’s usually oh so perfect and sincere grin Chris use to love seeing. Even after Josh became less feral and he didn’t purposefully or accidentally rip it open again, it just didn’t seem to want to heal that much. His hair had stopped falling out so much though….Josh had opted for what Chris assured him was the very fashionable fuckboy haircut, shaving the sides and gelling what was left back to hide any thinner spots. Josh laughed, like always, and cracked some joke. Chris was usually always smiling round Josh. Always had and that just…hadn’t changed. Sure it was fucking weird staring at that...that half-formed maw. Thinking what Josh could have become and what he did….but they had all done terrible things on that mountain. And they had survived. Josh was still Josh. He still made him laugh and….and he knew on some level that Sam was right and that this was unhealthy perhaps. The happiness he felt round Josh…was he denying anything had happened? Regressing to a previous state when they were younger and none of that shit had happened? Was he dependant on Josh’s wellbeing as it tied to his own sense of moral and physical wellbeing? Was it purely guilt? Or if he could save Josh then it’d just fix everything?

He had had all of these thoughts of course. He wasn’t a stupid man, and he had been in therapy ever since with three (now two) different specialists. He had had such thoughts even without therapy….he had a lot of time to think. Too much. But laying awake thinking about it was slightly less worse than reliving it in vivid night terrors. Josh talked about being allowed out in the garden and how he really liked it. How therapy was going and asking about Chris’s new IT job and stuff. Chris said how glad he was to hear all of it, how glad he was Josh seemed so chilled now….

It wasn’t long after Josh was released. Asides from check-ins and the usual, Josh was a free man!

“Please!!! I’m on bail at best…” Josh shrugged as he carried his (only) large pot-plant into the apartment complex, shooting a sideways shrug at Chris who was struggling with a beanbag. It had been talked about but Chris had eventually agreed with a “Yeah, no, of course…” like it was no big deal to have a lunatic monster sharing a flat with you. Josh had smiled, shitty vending machine coffee in one hand, other hiding his face in his new signature manner as he leaned on the table, rubber-soled sneaker squeaking as he twisted it this way and that nervously on the tiled cafeteria floor. “…just like old times.” And they had sipped that shitty coffee and awkwardly looked everywhere but at each other giving, in Josh’s case, very real, half-smiles every so often.

That had been a few weeks ago. Where Josh had stayed since his release Chris didn’t know, nor had he asked. He presumed a motel or something, but was kind of surprised and concerned when Josh hadn’t asked him straightup or mentioned his plans on the big celebration day of his release. Now though, he was helping him move in. “I got rid of some furniture cus I figured you’d have stuff but uh…..there’s a couch in the moving truck and if it’s better than yours….?”

It was…strange. Not how he expected this to go. But then that is kinda how things went with him…especially around Josh. Never quite as expected, perhaps a little unsettling or worrying, but it was always worth it. He studied the couch, it was a faded beige 70s thing with flowers on. Worn, limp, and with one arm rest held on by the taught fabric, it was terrible even without the two stains. The main one being on one of the cushions and covering almost the whole thing…..

“You got it?” Josh appeared wearing the same blue tracksuit he had worn that day he had met him in the Mall. Same beanie too….and the surgical mask, of course. There was no easy way to hide his disfigurement.

“Dude….” Chris turned to him and even with his mouth covered Chris could tell Josh was starting to smile by the curve of his cheeks and his eyes. They both knew that tone. “….the fuck?!” He pointed at the stain. Chris had perhaps also become a little more forthright due to therapy…it was a good thing, he was assured, as he had always been nervous to act on instinct and had fled deeper into silence and noncommittal initially when recovering from that night. Josh shrugged, purely to egg him on. He could have retaliated then and there with this playfight but it was too soon he felt…

“You know what that even is?!” Chris demanded in mock horror.

“I think we both know it’s piss.” Josh deadpanned as if Chris was an idiot to push him even further. Chris fully accepted this by pushing up his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose, other hand on hip, very dramatically showing his feelings and Josh felt his cheek snag he smiled so hard. To be having a snarky bitch fight with his best friend on a sunny afternoon in the real, normal world, with normal things like cars going past and unloading furniture….?

“Ignoring the fact you even chose to have this-“ Chris stated, shooting the ‘you are a weird moron’ thing right back at him. “-why would you leave it piss-stain side up?!”

“Cus even if you turn it over it’s still there.” Josh was completely sincere in his answer seemingly, though it was hard to tell when Josh was fucking with him or not. Instead of responding about resigning yourself to sit in someone’s dried urine puddle, Chris turned to stare judgingly at said defiled cushion, and the couch in whole. The gentle fraying in parts and the other, smaller mystery stain on the backboard….

“Where did you get this?”

“Sidewalk.” Now Chris knew Josh was telling the truth. “….Craig’s List. People literally give stuff away for free all the time ya know? And only a twenty percent chance of it being some rapey serial killer…” Josh joked but Chris had flashes of that mask and the overalls and his jaw tightened. Josh didn’t seem to notice the lack of a response. “…so not all bad really. So? We keeping it?”

“No. Mine’s better…”

“So what do we do with it?”

Chris walked past him and jumped out of the truck, suddenly solemn. He murmured something about the moving truck guys taking it to the dump and left Josh confused and alone.

“So how are things?”

“Good. I mean…weird, but good. No…..it’s not like, good-good, but it’s not….ya know.” Chris always fell back into stumbling with words. Despite everything, becoming slightly emotionally flustered and he was his usual idiot self.

“Chris-”

“Well it was never going to be easy.” He cut Sam off. He had expected the screaming and crying in the night. It’s not like he didn’t do the same if he didn’t take his sleeping pills that knocked him the fuck out into a blissfully dreamless void. Amazingly, he got a glimpse at some of Josh’s various meds and saw he took the same and yet still the other managed to flail about and mumble and wail. He didn’t dare ask if Josh remembered the nightmares he was so clearly still having once he woke. “He’s eating well. Mostly stays in and watches Netflix……I don’t know what to tell you Sam.” He admitted.

“Where is he now?”

“Grocery shopping. He sometimes does that now...only short trips.”

“Hey, well, that’s improvement right?”

Chris nodded because it was, yeah. But he didn’t say how Josh had become more jerky sometimes, especially in the evenings. It was mostly just his eyes though, and considering that his vision still strongly drew attention to movement he was not surprised by this. But waking up to pee at 4am and seeing Josh tearing into a ham and mustard sandwich and then suddenly turn and freeze like an animal caught mid kill was…..he licked his lips, mouth suddenly dry.

“Small steps yeah? That’s all any of us can take.”

Sam made some noise of agreement and moved on to talk about work and other things before hanging up. Josh arrived back and noticed the phone on the side but didn’t say anything. There was a lot they did not mention. He placed the cheap plastic bags down….more than what would be expected for the four things on the list.

“Got Chinese.” He announced and moved to his usual spot on the couch, drawing his knees up to his chest in the usual, slightly unnerving fashion. Chris wordlessly set it out on the coffee table…life went on.

Josh first mocked (with the underlying tone of praise) Chris’s sudden new health craze. It was just morning jogs and some basic workout stuff, but it was a regime that helped physically and mentally. It was the yoga Josh really layed into him for and he couldn’t blame him….it’s not like he did the crazy stuff, but breathing, meditation, and holding difficult positions for minutes at a time without moving? Yeah, he had started that for a reason. Plus, it was soothing, Sam had been right about it on that account. But now he had the motivation to actually do it. Josh started to come on some of the jogs and seemed to really enjoy being outdoors, besides all the people and stuff.

They settled in…sort of. Josh ate a lot but that wasn’t really a surprise. Chris didn’t like it, nor looked at him when he ate, but Josh had started to take the mask off at home more and Chris was, via , being less and less freaked out by the pointy protrusions from his friend’s gums. The Doctors said they were only mildly concerned by Josh’s change of behaviour, but he was still turning up to therapy and as long as he was still on his pills then there was nothing too extreme to be concerned about. Josh stopped sitting in the dark watching Netflix and started to occasionally actually cook and move round more without Chris there, which was encouraging. The eye movement and slight….quirks, he had always had, remained, but the Doctor’s, with an unreadable expression simply said to “monitor him” and little else. Chris introduced him to the few work collegues he had, explaining the mask away as him being a germ-a-phobe. This led to a fun game where they, either together or apart, would create more and more fantastical reasons for the mask….the truth was more fantastic and terrible anyway. They would have dinner and talk about it, Josh saying how he told one cashier he was sure that some people weren’t human, and another that there was a Government conspiracy that released ‘something’ into the air to make sure the population stayed low and that he had seen them whispering together and glancing at him today and Chris talked about how people were dumbasses and didn’t know what a power button was on their own damn computers.

It wasn’t harmonious off course. They were both still far from stable people, so days of depression and laying in bed and nothing else were the norm. Nevermind the night-screaming, the crying, the rare triggering via anything from a sudden flame to a door slam. Scuttling things were bad too…

No, neither of them were stable. But they were better together, like always.

So that is why Chris overlooked how fast Josh was when he jogged. Somedays he felt like he was taking his pet to the dog park and letting it off the leash…Josh would sometimes run and just run and run. Sometimes crying out in joy, hands to the sky, drunk on the freedom, and sometime she just…would run. Blank expression and just….run and run. First of all he was scared one day he would just be gone or run into a road or something but he always seemed to be in when Chris called to him. He just was…distant. That and the slight bipolar mania he had always had was a constant worry. Josh would swing from distant and vacant to almost childlike sometimes. Once, in order to cheer himself up, he insisted they play hide and seek. Chris new he was really manic that day and so wasn’t shocked by the request and didn’t put up too much of an argument. The first time he barely bothered hiding and Josh insisted he hide properly. Chris sighed, feeling like a dipshit being one of only two fully grown men playing hide and seek in their small, sparsely furnished apartment, but fuck it, what else did he have planned?

Hiding beside a bookcase like a cartoon character trying to hide themselves behind a tree, sucking in his gut and pressing himself flat to the wall hoping Josh would look past him, simply led to him being tackled. Laughing, Josh told him he sucked and he was instructed to count as the other skittered off giggling like a schoolboy. Counting slowly, Chris picked himself up and walked to the main kitchen/living room area and covered his eyes. He eventually found Josh hiding in his closet, even though his bedroom light was turned off. They stared at each other awhile till Chris was forced to speak. “…..your turn again then or-?”

Josh surged past him, marching purposefully out and soon after the counting began. Resigned to this game being a thing now, Chris mentally congratulated himself on his hiding spot as he hid between the wall and the ajar door of the bathroom. With the light off and only the light spilling in from the hall he waited with baited breath, eyes on the uninterrupted square of light. It was…strangely silent actually. He couldn’t hear Josh moving about or any doors opening or shutting…it made him nervous. No, it had been that silent when he was searching for Josh, right? Or maybe he just hadn’t bothered to try and be quiet when he looked for Josh?

Hide and seek makes you aware of your breathing and heartbeat in a way that any situation does when you are alone in a tight space. Only something felt…worse. He tried to shrug this off…this wasn’t like then. He could move if he liked. He wasn’t HIDING-hiding. But before he could mentally challenge these oppressive negative feelings that threatened to overwhelm him a shadow appeared from the hallway. Josh but….he was strange. An arm half raised and his head turned but then he raised his head and paused….what was he doing? It was like…like he was sniffing or-?

Suddenly he was in doorway, a pause and the light clicked on as if in victory. Another pause…haha, yeah, see, not going to just give myself away. You don’t know I’m in here, Chris thought, yet his throat was tight a thin sheen of sweat clung to him. Just a game just a game just a game….

Then he noticed the mirror over the sink. Josh hadn’t moved for a reason. He was staring straight at him via the reflection and he was smiling this God-awful manic smile with those teeth and-

“Found you~” He murmured, soft and sing-song. He stared awhile longer and then simply walked away. Chris stayed behind the door staring at the mirror for some time. Scared to move, scared to go out there and….and confront him. To even see or talk to him. He eventually did leave, and he ventured into the main area, and then straight to his room. He pushed stuff against the door for safety that night.

It wasn’t easy, as he had said. Josh’s mood improved and spiralled at random, though he certainly had some semblance of a life. Imagining him living alone though…..it would be fine. After all these months living with him, he had gained confidence. Besides Chris could visit him whenever and make sure he’s okay and stuff. Yeah. Bad days happen with or without others there…just gotta deal with it, he thought. Just deal with it…..

He voiced the idea to Josh who blinked as if in surprise.

“I m-mean I’m not kicking you out-!!!”

“No, no I-“

“This was always the plan right-?”

“Yeah, no, you put me up for awhile and you didn’t have to-“

“It’s the least I can do Josh, we’re friends and-“

“And you know I was willing to pay more towards stuff but you said-“

“It’s fine it’s fine! And you can stay till you find a job at least-“

“A job.” There was perhaps a question mark.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

Josh was persuaded to look for jobs he could do online or at home. There was no way he’d mix with people, or even a cubicle job. Not even for the face reasons just….

Could he even cope? Looking over at Chris who was scrolling through stuff on his tablet he felt a pang of…something. Warmth, was one thing. Chris thought he could do this. Believed in him. And that, at this stage, meant more than he could possibly bear to think about…besides swinging wildly between being dependant on Chris’s friendship and then paranoia and resentment expecting eventual betrayal by him when he first started visiting, Josh feared being without him. Like, actually feared. What would he do without Chris’s moral guidance? Even before….everything (the everything was like a growl, a noise of fire from a fissure, a wail of desperate hunger and pain and it flared in the back of his head painfully) he wasn’t good with social norms and Chris had helped. Now…? Now he needed him more than ever. And it didn’t help that he was clearly infatuated with him.

He had long accepted this. Even back in the day when Chris was pining over Ashley Josh had been his wing-man, wishing only his happiness and swallowing his jealousy. Because he was a mess. At least Chris knew what he wanted…always had. He liked girls, wanted to do tech stuff….Chris always said he was the one who knew what to do, but Josh always secretly thought the exact opposite. Sure he was decisive in the moment, but that isn’t proper…you know? He had never been comfortable with himself. Hannah always had had Beth and he always felt like he needed another to balance him up. He never really knew what he wanted to do, and he liked both girls and boys and experimented plenty finding the conclusions to be leaning more towards boys. But fuck, he didn’t know. Half the time he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. But when around others stuff kinda made sense. He understood why he was doing things. He’d always liked Chris, and would never had minded fooling around with him, but it only got serious later….when exactly he didn’t know, but he knew he couldn’t have him out of his life in any way, even if they didn’t get closer or whatever. They just…got each other. And yeah they argued and shit but…..fuck, it was just one of those things.

But since all that shit and seeing him again and taking him in….there was a little guilt there. Chris didn’t know Josh’s feelings. Never had probably, knowing how fucking clueless he was (and if he wasn’t clueless, then flustered and confused) and how nothing had happened really beyond some spin the bottle kisses and casual best friend ‘we’re comfortable with who we are’ cuddles. But watching him do topless push ups and noticing him being more toned? Yeah, good thing he sat how he did because he almost immediately got a half-chub. Of course he mocked him relentlessly but da-yum….nerd-boy had stepped it up. Of course this wouldn’t last and he had known that but he didn’t feel ready to go it alone….no, screw that, he didn’t WANT to. He didn’t want to leave Chris. Fuck had it reached that stage? He didn’t even want to be away from him? That was fucked up he’d fucked up this was fucked up…..yet here he fucking was.

He became depressed and sulked for a good two weeks. Gentle encouragement from Chris to look at jobs led to snark and moody responses which led to heartfelt talks. This led to full blown crying emotional outbursts from them both which led to drinking. Which led to the kiss.

A kiss.

A kiss Josh gave him…no, he…fuck Chris couldn’t even word it right in his head. Because he hadn’t said no. He had even leaned into it. Wanted it? Desperate maybe. Maybe….just underlying curiosity? This led to a weird two days.

And then a talk about Ashley.

And then Josh planning to move out…sort of. A very rough time, though really it was just as up and down as any other; just with something new and awful to gild the impressive shit that was their mental/emotional state with.

Sam came up for emotional support. Her presence didn’t help…she hadn’t had the time to adjust to Josh’s altered visage, or to get over the knee-jerk responses she had to him. She shunned him, out of fear, disgust, and maybe even anger. So of course Josh ended up mirroring these feelings….he moved out. He and Chris patched things up. Things went back to normal. They even met up in the park to do jogs and things.

It was terrible, the night the cops were called.

Sam was up and all three went drinking to celebrate a pay rise and promotion for Chris. They were happy and laughing and all was good. He should have seen it coming, Chris later said. The past week Josh had been more alert and restless. Small things that make sense now….but at the time it was nothing compared to his usual mood swings or other signpost problems so he overlooked it. Maybe if he had…no, it was inevitable. He was almost glad it went the way it did.

Drunk, Chris can’t really remember how the argument started but light teasing about being single turned nasty somehow. He doesn’t even remember how, but all he knows was he and Sam and Josh entered a cab with him and Josh shouting at each other. Back at the apartment complex Sam was still trying to calm them down. Josh, hurt and angry, went for the low blow and mentioned Ashley. Enraged, guilty, and many other feelings made Chris lunge. Sam had stepped between them to calm the situation. It was then decided that Josh needed to go home and calm down…..Sam and Chris went back to his and drank and talked. They went outside because Sam was going to have a rare cigarette. What exactly happened is sort of a blur. There was yelling in a distant room but that was usual for this place. Then there was a yell down the street and they turned to go back inside hurriedly. Sam reached out and clasped his arm suddenly and then she was on the floor. Josh was on her. He yelled Josh’s name and tackled him off her and pinned him down. The other struggled and then stared. “I wasn’t gonna hurt her….I swear I wasn’t going to-…..Chris I-“

Cops arrived soon after. Whatever Josh had done before inside the building had raised enough concern for them to be called long before he had pounced on Sam in the main yard area.

He was taken back to the Institute, but it was difficult to deal with the BS paperwork and so on when Chris refused to press charges and tried to find out what was going on with Josh despite not being a relative. It didn’t help that when they eventually did get in touch with where Josh was meant to be being held Chris was informed he had been transferred. Now out of the loop and him being the emergency contact for Josh meaning nothing he had to scramble to try and sort everything and find out exactly what was even going on. Eventually he learned Josh was being taken to a facility as the Court had decided, even though Chris was not aware of Josh having been taken to Court…though if he had and Chris hadn’t been told whilst trying to convince the police or anyone to let him interfere……still. He got contact details, and was allowed to visit.

It eventually became clear this was some creepy highly guarded hospital, and it gave Chris bad vibes. But then, most mental asylum-type hospitals do…...but especially this one, despite how formal or polite or cheery everyone was. They weren’t too cheery, it was..normal. Just…something felt weird. Eventually, Josh was allowed to breach confidentiality, in a manner of speaking, saying that Government conspiracists would nut if they knew of the place, making sure Chris understood what had gone down. Josh was still Wendigo. Still…infected? Or had a wendigo spirit in him? Chris didn’t know, and neither did anyone else, which is why Josh was here. To be poked and prodded and cared for. For the Government to learn what the fuck he even was.

“Back in-“ Josh bit back a remark and clearly changed his word choice, “-this kinda place again, huh?”

There was a futility to his voice, a depressed tone that tried to pass itself off as humour. It wasn’t even fully about being trapped here, but the fact that he couldn’t change what he was or how he felt? The reinforcement of his worst depressed fears….

“…least the food is better. They don’t let me mix with as many other inmates but there are special workers who I can talk to. You have to register to be able to visit but I asked-“ Demanded. “-that you be a weekly visitor…if you want.” He shrugged as if it didn’t bother him one way or the other. That it’d be fine if Chris vanished and finally left him forever. That-

“No, yeah, of course! What day?” Chris asked instantly and it made Josh start a little and stare.

“I, uhm-“

“Is it just once a week?”

“I-I….think so. I mean, you’d have to ask them. So…..?”

The question was many questions. Or perhaps a larger, overarching one.

Chris looked around at the guards and the camera and shifted uncomfortably. With the same shakiness he had once held a pistol with, he reached over the person opposite. But this time he covered the other’s hand with his own. He barely dared meet the other’s eyes and he swallowed. It didn’t have to mean I love you, but it did mean something more important: I won’t leave you. I care.

Josh teared up and Chris did the same before sitting back.

“So…uhm, what they got you doing? That you can talk about….”

“Well I get to chase things now-“

A clang made them both jump and they turned to see a guard staring, clearly having made some noise to interrupt. He narrowed his eyes then shook his head at Josh. Josh glowered and then nodded resentfully.

“….I get to work out my pent up aggression and energy.” He worded slowly and carefully whilst staring directly at the guard and then back to Chris. “It’s helping me stay a lot more focused in downtime and stuff….” The two struggled for words. Somehow their hands found each other’s again. The bell for the visit to end came suddenly and too soon. They did not kiss then, but they did not need to. They both knew, despite everything, even if everything was not exactly okay, they had each other.

#until dawn climbing class #until dawn josh washington #josh washington #chris hartley #until dawn josh x chris #until dawn chris x josh #climbing class fic #until dawn fic #who posts at 6am with a fever and a throwback ship?!#a classyraccoon does #the raccoon writes again #no proofreading #because everything hurts and i hate everything #i'm ill #leave me alone #and leave my precious monster baby josh alone too k?

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sleepymarmot · 7 years

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Adventures in house-hunting, gardening, and modding, feat. Lakeview Manor & Breezehome

A lot of the stuff in the previous post was happening on my way back to Whiterun to finally buy a house here... I do a favor for a jarl here and suddenly buy land from him. Okay...

The garden is pretty disappointing. I'm excited to grow ingredients, but I expected it to be pretty! Wild flowers are pretty and grow near each other, this looks terrible. I hoped to have my own colorful patch of flowers that attacts butterflies and bees... And why can't I grow a full size juniper tree if I want?

Also the interface flickers between "harvest" and "re-plant" pretty fast, and the harvest option doesn't have the enhanced UI mod's captions :(

It's also slightly immersion breaking that I can smith with only an anvil, but no proper forge. And I generally don't feel safe leaving it all out in the open, especially in the middle of nowhere...

Why can't I dismiss a steward without a mod?!

Why do I have to build an entire useless hall if I just want an arcane enchanter and an alchemy lab?

It's completely absurd that I can build a bedroom OR a greenhouse OR an enchanting tower. What if I want all of these, but none of the east wing options?

I finally reached Whiterun and bought Breezehome... Time to waste several hours on deciding between different mods, namely Breezehome TNF - Elianora's Flavour and Breezehome FullyUpgradable.

TNF works out of the box and is very beautiful. My favourite things are planters inside and outside the house, part pre-planted so they look pretty already, part free for me to choose. A detail that instantly made me like the mod before I even entered the house: chimney from the basement forge. And the tower is also very cool, obviously (with more planters!!). But sometimes it can be too much, like that armory with red carpet. That said, I love the bath; it's obscenely luxurious, but I feel like my Argonian needs it.

FullyUpgradeable: Garden! That was my biggest selling point from the screenshots. It looks like I expected the vanilla gardens to look. It's convenient to have all crafting stations in the same room, though the guy is right: who the hell puts a smelter and a tanning rack in their basement?! Another plus is that the vanilla alchemy table on the second floor was replaced by a generic "study", so I can replace it with the children's room without hesitation. All upgrades have to be bought separately which makes it feel less like cheating. But it took a long time, I kept running out of money and missing the dialogue I needed -- which had only happened once or twice in the entire game before this mod! And I didn't really need all the storage -- I carry everything in my infinite inventory -- and without all upgrades, the basement looks too big and bare. When I first came down there, it was like a freaking metro station! Not to mention the rest of the lower area -- I was just looking for a small convenient house... Speaking of storage, the alchemy and enchantment containers are cool but I'm not about to return here for every single slow potion or banishment iron dagger! I live and work everywhere and this is just one of my stations, no reason to keep my resources here.

I wanted to try out every Hearthfire option myself, but watched videos instead and came to the conclusion that the vanilla houses are irreparably empty and ugly. The only thing I want to build is the greenhouse because it attracts insects, plus the two crafting tables -- is it worth to build a giant hall just for that? I'd be better off with a modded house that is pretty and useful from the start, instead of trying to polish this turd. There are mods for Hearthfire that swap the contents of the wings but is it worth it? Like, when it comes to mods I struggle choose the most beautiful option, and with the vanilla house I search for the least shitty.

I wonder if I can duplicate the "fertile soil" with Jaxonz Positioner... If so then I can make my Lakeview garden more lush and copy it over to Breezehome, right? And I should also try the version by Lupus since it's intentionally simpler which I want too. I actually like the simple and cozy vanilla Breezehome, and I'd like to preserve the general feeling, just with some polish and practical additions. I don't get why I'd need display cases or mannequins -- especially since they can glitch and start walking around! I prefer furniture that doesn't give me heart attacks, thank you very much!

The following testing was all done with FullyUpgradeable.

Okay, copying fertile soil doesn't work. This page recommends the "build fertile soil/planters" mod that I've already been eyeing.

Jaxonz cant't multiselect, but turns out there are other options! Cobb Positioner + Atronach Crossing looks powerful... I don't even think this is cheating at this point, the amount of effort is no less than buying stuff through the vanilla mechanics.

Testing Cobb Positioner. First of all, it can't copy-paste. Second, I wanted multiselect specifically for moving potted plants, and it selected the pot with no problem but managed to select a plant only once in all of my attempts. Third, I can't move the crafting equipment in the house ("Can't select this object, something is blocking it"); their counterparts in the city and other interactible objects work fine. It's probably because the modded Breezehome ones are molded into the house just like the fence.

Oh right, there's "Select console ref" for the normally unselectable objects! Now it doesn't even want to select the pot without that, lol. But it doesn't work well on plants, either: leaves stuff behind. I could move parts of the fence that way, but the crafting equipment still returns error messages.

Testing Craftable Hearthfire Planters. It requires Campfire which I don't need and which also for some reason conflicts with Simply Knock (why?!) The "Fertile Soil" activator is in a very large radius around the planter. Every time I activate the soil, it also shows the planter's "What do you do? Use/Pick Up/Exit" even if it doesn't have a pot. I can't move the soil with Cobb Positioner (but maybe I’m doing something wrong).

Atronach doesn't have fences :( Bye then

So, here's the interaction between the positioners and the fertile soil (both vanilla ones and the craftable mod ones). When you move the soil with something planted in it, the plant stays behind. It stays until respawn in about three days, when the old plant is deleted and replaced with a new one. The plant respawns even if it wasn't harvested and doesn't need to refresh the model. While the plant is waiting to respawn, it can be moved to the new spot separately. All of this is probably ABCs to anyone familiar with this game's mechanics, but I needed to see it for myself.

What if I planted the garden by simple copy-pasting, without reusable fertile soil? It'd be more of a pain to re-plant it, of course. And it'd be almost purely for aesthetics, not harvesting. Normal plants respawn after 10 days and only if you don't visit the cell at all during that time; Hearthfire plants respawn every three days and you only need to leave the cell once.

Tried House Decorations - Plants and Flowers. The plant and the planter are a single active object that can be taken -- so, they can’t be harvested at all, and they’re bad decoration because the “take” message appears every time you mouse over them which is almost as irritating as Craftable Hearthfire Planters. Pass...

I think my Whiterun is broken. It refuses to reset after 10 days -- plants can’t be harvested, dead bodies lie in the middle of the street. I’ve noticed that the plants have never reset before, but I thought it was because of the bug Flora Respawn Fix would solve. But it’s like the entire cell is stuck. The flowers inside my house, Arcadia’s Cauldron’s shelves and all merchants’s inventories reset normally. Now I’m waiting for 30 days to see if that does the trick, even though it shouldn’t. Why make the player wait at all irl? I’m so tired of all this troubleshooting. I want to go back to adventures.

At least I found out that toggling free camera (tfc) makes waiting much quicker for some reason. Isn’t it possible to make a fast waiting mod based on that -- whenever player activates waiting, toggle camera back and forth?

I read advice on the internet to fast travel and wait in another location (I was waiting in houses inside the city and just outside the city walls). I came back, and it worked! The bodies disappeared and the “normal” lavender in the city (that was in the game from the start) respawned.

My test plants didn’t respawn -- but I finally figured out why! That’s because I copied them from the planters. I guess they’re just dummies without any respawn mechanic of their own, all scipts are inside the planter. Should have figured that out sooner, since even the models are different, and they respawn where the planter is, not the original plant... Eh, better late than never. Whew, that’s a relief! Of course this makes things a bit more complicated -- I thought I’d just grow stuff in a pot and then move it to open ground. But now looks like I have to bring them from their natural habitat. Can Jaxonz positioner go across load screens? I think it has a function to put items in the inventory. I guess I can just spawn anything I want with the console, somehow this option has never even occured to me during all this... But I guess this feels too cheaty. The point is not to build a Super Cheating Free Alchemy Area to break my game. The point is to make my property as pretty, functional and customized as possible. I can’t do it irl, let me at least have a house and garden of my dreams in a game! Give me my wish fulfillment!!!

Alright, I think I’ll stick with Breezehome by Lupus, at least for now. It’s simple and cozy so it doesn’t look drastically more luxurious than the rest of Whiterun and fits my character’s progression -- when I get obscenely rich, maybe I upgrade to a more overwrought mod. I like the rustic style -- and it’s very green with a lot of ivy (which I wish I could take...) and hanging moss. I kinda like that most of the clutter is bolted to the shelves -- in other houses I took all of the pretty gems and stuff out of habit / to see if they respawn somehow, which ruined the design, and it’d be hard to stop myself from doing that repeatedly.

Finally, I could leave Whiterun and take care of my other house. I completed my plans -- built an animal pen, made Lydia a steward and was about to move on... but it felt wrong. This isn’t a “manor” for me -- it’s a tiny refuge away from busy streets. I just come here to tend to my garden, craft something, rest for a bit and then be on my way. Why invite a stranger to live here, why make it a farm?

(And then, visiting Whiterun next time, I discovered that Lydia invites herself to Breezehome anyway. And I feel so possessive of them after all this trouble... Oh well.)

I did build an apiary, that fit the image. And now I think... I’m done? The garden is pretty good now with More soils for Hearthfires gardens -- though it’s hard to make picturesque because the plants come more or less in only two sizes. Maybe I should try to enlarge some of them... I started bringing stuff to decorate the house both inside and outside, so it looks more inhabited now. I even managed to bring some ivy at last! So I think I’m finally ready to return to the game proper -- I have only discovered about half of the major locations and they’re getting old!

#skyrim #blah blah blah

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