feeling nostalgic for a song about wifi

Stand and Deliver: My Life Turned Upside Down CH.3

A/N: This is my first time writing on Tumblr, so please bear with me! I am usually active on FFNet and AO3, but since this fandom is basically nonexistent except for here, I thought maybe I could post my works for this movie here. The story is a fanfic based on the 1988 movie ‘Stand and Deliver’ starring Edward James Olmos, taking a deeper look into the lives of the impoverished students in East LA.

Eventual Angel/OC, and warnings of racial slurs with some physical violence.

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Chapter Three: Living Skills

By the time she rolled into the second week of Garfield High, Vianne was sure she saw the school at its worst. Had she been honest with herself, she would’ve thought she was beginning to get used to the rioting students. It was a surprise that she became somewhat good at blocking the excess noise from them.

Hateful stares and whispered insults about her ethnicity waned as the week dragged on. The initial weariness she felt from the people around her dropped as she kept to herself. Call it paranoia or what, she could sense the heavy atmosphere boring onto her back as she passed the lockers. It was hard imagining a whole year of silence. 

Vianne never saw herself as a quiet wallflower, but the situation at hand forced her mouth shut for far too long. The need to talk to someone had been building up since the day she arrived. If this was going to stretch out any longer, she could see herself  talking to random objects within her peripheral vision. As if the students needed another excuse to deepen the ostracization. In her own way, Vianne was in solitary confinement.

Wait why do I need them?! 

She shook her head, angry at her own slip up. There was no need for her to make any contact with people like that. Loneliness must've been a powerful force for her, for she now wanted communication from the very people set out to destroy her life. And it tore her dignity to shreds.

Biting the fleshy pulp of her lips, Vianne exhaled. There were still two more periods before she could jump into her car and drive home. Living Skills was next on her schedule, so she had to trudge across campus to her destination. The signs pointing to her class became clear as she neared the hallway. 

With five minutes before the second bell, Vianne discovered the almost empty room. It was custom for things like that to happen. Usually, people were either late or scrambling in at the last second. To her, that was a blessing. Any area could be taken for her choosing.

She spotted Ana by the side near the windows. The bespectacled young woman turned her head to look at her when she arrived at the scene. A shy smile crossed Ana’s face, and she waved. Vianne quirked her lips in an awkward attempt to smile back.

Ana was friendly, not just to her. A pang of guilt vibrated along Vianne’s chest. She felt a bit extreme in condemning everyone in the school; at least Ana made an effort to make her feel welcomed. It was because of that Vianne didn’t pull out her hair during Math 1A, so she owed it to her.

“Hey.” A soft greeting slipped from Vianne as she approached the desk. 

Ana shuffled some books to the side, creating space for her. “Hi! How was your lunch?”

Vianne sighed. “I’ve had better. The heat melted my sandwich.” She left out the part where she sat by herself for two whole weeks, not wanting to sound like some loser.

Her metaphor made Ana giggle lightly. It reminded her of the bells twinkling on the front door back in Napa; Vianne thought it to be rather calming. A breath of fresh air away from the screaming students was a surprising luxury around here.

“I know a place where there's an air conditioner,” Ana said. “You can come eat with me if you’d like.” 

The invitation caught Vianne off guard, prompting her to nearly drop her pencil. Ana still held her hopeful smile, like a lost puppy. That and the desperation to find cold air sold the deal.

Vianne grinned. “That'd be great. I’ll catch you after math tomorrow.” A satisfied hum left her as she leaned against the chair. It was nice to have a lunch buddy. 

It didn’t take long for the starting bell to ring. Mrs. Flores entered the class with a large trunk, followed by a hoard of people behind her. Everyone fought for a seat, breaking the calm atmosphere in seconds. Both Vianne and Ana resisted the urge to roll their eyes.

Mrs. Flores was a cheery plump woman in her sixties. Her floral dress was matched with a mint green camisole, making Vianne think of daisies and dandelions in a summer field. A pair of reading glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, giving her a jolly appearance of a librarian. Viane would reckon she’d keep a hidden stash of toffee under a desk somewhere for the children. 

“Settle down, settle down!” The teacher’s chirpy voice broke through the crowd. “I have an announcement to make!”

An exasperated glance was thrown at them as Mrs. Flores shuffled to the front podium. Her arms came up, hands clasping together in enthusiastic excitement. 

“I’m happy to introduce you all to our project of the semester,” she began. “There will be two parts, with each section worth fifty points. This will be a partnered assignment, so I expect you all to be friendly with one another.” 

Mrs. Flores gave them another knowing look, as if to warn them against their funny business. A few students avoided her gaze, fidgeting sheepishly on the chairs. To the side, Vianne looked at Ana, motioning back and forth between them. Ana caught the drift and nodded; it would be best if they could choose who they wanted to work with.

It was still too early into the school year for Vianne to be comfortable with anyone on the premises, but Ana had been the only one to show acceptance. She’d take that over anything.

“Each pair will receive a doll.” 

The next instruction baffled the class. Vianne stared on with wide eyes as Mrs. Flores took out a raggedy dummy from the trunk. It was a dress-up doll, with the color of its skin ashened by years of dust coupled with torn bits of its dress. 

Mrs. Flores sighed with strange contentment as she continued. “This year, the health department wants us to learn how to be responsible adults. As we are nearing senior year, the closer you are all to adulthood. And one of the graduation requirements is to pass Living Skills.”

Vianne didn’t need to hear the rest of it. Playing make-believe house was one of the projects required in Sex Ed class back in Napa, only it was to be taken during senior year. It would appear that it was happening sooner for her. Praying to whatever deity that came to mind, she hoped that she was allowed to choose partners. There was no way she was going to be stuck with a haughty, nose-picking man-child. 

“The fuck ma’am?!” Another shout rang from behind. “Who needs this?!”

A wave of murmurs agreed to his outcry, with some joining in. Mrs. Flores huffed, using her index finger to push up her glasses before glaring at the mass.

“If you want me to teach sex, then the right thing for me to do is to teach you the aftermath of it, too.” A light smile danced around her lips, a brow raised along with it. The boys’ cheeks flushed bright red at the comment, while the girls took a sudden interest in their books. 

Vianne felt the same sentiment, her ears tingling with warm embarrassment. Mrs. Flores was a lot of things, and bluntness was one of them. 

“Can we pick partners?” one of the girls asked. 

Mrs. Flores shook her head. “I’ve already made my decision last night about the pairs.”

Vianne’s stomach twisted at the revelation; she was already having a shitty time adjusting to the new school, and now she had to deal with a hotheaded student who probably hated her guts. Dred pooled down her back, soaking her in fearful anticipation.

Before them, Mrs. Flores took out a sheet of paper. Her mouth moved to speak, but was interrupted when an ear-splitting crash came from the door. It sounded like a dense mass falling onto the lockers. All eyes turned to the source of the sound, Vianne included. Another bang followed the crash, before all was silent. She sucked in a breath.

With a crack, the door flew open, revealing none other than the very boy who made fun of her days before in Math 1A. It would appear that barging into class midway was his style of rolling.His eyes drooped in lazy discontent, and there was dust all over his bomber jacket. Upon closer inspection, Vianne could make out the beginnings of a bruise forming on the corners of his left eye. 

Great. She shared another class with him, too. Oh goodie. Vianne was starting to believe that she was cursed before she stepped foot in LA. Or maybe she fucked up really bad in her past life. Because no one could have this much bad luck in one month. Mrs. Flores, on the other hand, seemed way too surprised at his grandiose entrance.  

“Well, well, Mr. Angel Guzman,” she tutted. “It’s a pleasure to finally see you grace my class with your presence.” Sarcasm dripped from her voice as she stared him down, not bothering with formalities.

Angel rolled his eyes with a click of his tongue. Sauntering to the nearest desk, he slumped into the seat, angling his legs wide open. Without context, one might believe him to be a gangster boss overlooking his new crew. The relaxed stance in his posture gave away nothing about his mood, but the dark look in his eyes spoke for him. 

 If Mrs. Flores was miffed by his disposition, she didn’t show it. “Since you’ve expressed so much excitement for this assignment, I’ll give you the honor of knowing your partner first.” 

Scanning the paper, her eyes landed on the very bottom of the list, and she spoke again. “You’ll be with Miss Yang over here for the project. Now, Adeline, you’re with Thomas. Ana, you’re with Daniel, Clarise-”

Vianne didn’t take in anything else other than the first sentence. Her ears rang, and she could see her soul departing her body for the heavens. This was the final nail on the coffin, pushing her over the edge of sanity. Her worst prediction had come true; she had the most deadbeat partner she could ever find in this school.

Her instincts had her look over in his direction. Angel’s gaze caught hers as she did so, however his face still held their impassive stare. Breaking contact, he moved to pull down his beanie again, shielding his eyes; he was preparing for a nap. Vianne groaned into her hands, earning a pity glance from Ana. It was the I’m-sorry-but-you’re-kinda-screwed look.

Mrs. Flores was still speaking, thus rattling Vianne back to reality. “-come up and grab your supplies! Please make a line and wait your turn.”

Half of the class rose and made a beeline for the trunk. Ana had already gathered hers and was now sitting by Daniel, leaving her alone. Angel was leaning against the chair like he was by the beach with his hands behind his head, and that told her more than she needed to hear. Vianne pursed her lips, hoisting her body from the desk. 

The teacher smiled too brightly when she came up to collect her doll. “Congratulations! It’s a girl for you!”

Handing Vianne a bottle of cleaning solution and a hair brush, Mrs. Flores patted her with a good-natured smile. It made Vianne’s soul twist in its grave. She turned around with robotic stiffness, and headed back to Angel’s seat. The young man took no notice of her arrival, continuing to stew in his state of trance. A toothpick hung out from his mouth, giving more into the lazy fashion.

Shit. I’m going to carry us both. The grim thought crossed her mind, and she winced. 

“Uh, we need to fill out the form.” Vianne pointed to the paper left by the teacher, snapping her fingers to get his attention. It was a fake birth certificate for the doll; Mrs. Flores was going above and beyond for the final project. Had it been under pleasant circumstances, Vianne would’ve given her kudos for her creativity.

Angel canted his view upwards, staring at her with mild curiosity. It was only then she noticed the deep set of eyes, with equally thick brows to match. His hands refused to leave his head, but his lips parted ever so slightly. Nothing came out of them.

Right. The guy never brings pencils. Realization hit her and she slumped onto the chair next to his. This is gonna be so fun.

As she tapped her pencil onto the paper, Vianne ignored the bouncing of his legs to the side. It was taking her attention away from thinking of a name for the doll. After another few minutes of awkward silence passed, she noticed they were the only pair that had almost zero progress on the first section.

Open your mouth and get him to talk, damn it! 

Scowling, Vianne turned to the young delinquent, who was actually on the urge of falling asleep this time. Vexation burned her mind, and she shoved the paper to his side. 

“Come up with a name,” she said. The sudden movement jerked him from his slumber, causing him to blink several times before his eyes settled back to hers with a glare. Vianne was not about to back down from a glance alone, so she crossed her arms, huffing at the dramatic display of resistance.

“I know you understand me.” The memory from last week was still fresh in her brain cache. “So come up with a name.”

At that, Angel smirked. “You’re the smart one. What ya need me for?”

Oh the little shithead.

Vianne returned the remark with a scowl of her own. “Believe me, I’d love to work by myself given the situation. But I’m not gonna carry you across the semester.” If the brat thought he was going to get an easy A because of her, then he had another thing coming. 

Her hissy fit seemed to have gotten to him; his eyes narrowed while he bit down on the toothpick. “Puta, you’re so fucking annoying.”

“What did you just call me?!”

“Figure it out, smart one.” A lopsided grin appeared on his face, though it was miles away from friendly. His eyes flashed, almost like a warning. But like that would deter her.

She was about ready to slap the paper into his face when she remembered the way Escalante would handle him when he got up all over his ass. A slight smirk painted her lips as she thought of an idea; if he was going to be an ass, then she was going to be an ass back.

“Are you simply trying to hide your illiteracy?” Vianne asked, her voice filled with over-saturated innocence.

Angel nearly swallowed his toothpick. “What?” The stare he sent her screamed a thousand red flags, but she held a hand against her legs to keep them from shivering.

“Oh, y’know…” she began. “I thought coming up with names wouldn’t be too difficult. Seems like it is for you, though.”

The muscles of his jaws clenched, darkening his guise. Angel’s nostrils flared as he looked at the piece of paper before him. Vianne could practically see the gears turn in his head. They were in a classroom, so there was nothing extreme he could do even if he was pissed. The thought of trapping him between a rock and a hard place made her feel a little better after the previous taunts.

Just when she moved to retrieve the materials back, his hands slammed on the paper. She flinched at the action, but kept her eyes glued to the desk, not raising to meet his.

“Camilla.” His raspy hum sounded quietly in the background. Had Vianne been further away, she wouldn’t have caught it.

“What?” She peered up at him, opening her mouth to ask more, but he was already looking away.

“The name,” Angel said. “It’s Camilla.” He made it sound like he was talking to a five-year-old.

Vianne breathed a sigh of relief and took the pencil. She began to fill in the required information about their ‘daughter’. He still refused to write out his part, so she relented for now.

“Camilla Guzman it is then,” she spoke to herself.

Now it was Angel’s turn to be perplexed. “Camilla Guzman?” He stopped chewing the wooden stick in his mouth for a moment.

His partner scoffed from her seat. “Well, you’re the dad, Angel. Unless you want me to have full custody.” Vianne rolled her eyes at the thought of having a daughter at her age. Ms. Lin would have a heart attack and be driven to an early grave. 

When she didn’t hear anything else from him, she feared her jokes flew over his head. Vianne raised her head just in time to catch a light smirk tugging at his face. Sensing no real threat, she went back to writing.

A clap from Mrs. Flores turned both their attentions to the front podium. The teacher had gathered everyone’s eyeballs towards herself, and she cleared her throat. 

“Since class is coming to an end, I’d like to make sure everyone understands their part of the assignment.” She paused for a second, before taking out another batch of files. “One ‘parent’ takes care of the doll for a week, alternating with their partners over the course of the semester. By the end of each month, I’d like a report summarizing the difficulties of parenthood. The rubric is simple; if the doll ends up in tatters, or if it becomes lost, then you will be automatically given an ‘F’. Keeping your ‘children’ in pristine condition and well-clothed is the primary goal. That’s all for today. Now figure out who’s taking custody first.”

Vianne looked to Angel, and then back to their ‘daughter’. This was a tough cookie, and she wasn’t sure she trusted him with not losing the doll within the first few days. 

“Rock papers,” Angel offered.

She wanted to guffaw at the suggestion, but logic told her it was a fair method. “Sure. Loser takes the kid.”

It turned out to be a horrible move on her part. No matter what kind of tricks she threw at him during the sparring, he either met her with the same level, or defeated her. If she used rock, he met her with paper. When she went for paper, he countered with scissors. At last, on the third try, she pulled a rock again, only to be faced with another rock from him.

Two loses and a tie; it was a no brainer who the kid went with for the first week. Angel sizzled with smug pride as he counted the points against her, his wicked grin broadening.

“Guess you’re not so smart after all.”

Oh fuck you. Vianne knew nothing good ever came out of that smirk. There was no guarantee he was going to show up after her week was up. For all she knew, Angel could easily ditch her for the rest of the year with the doll on her own. It wasn’t like he cared about his perfect track record. Her heart sank at the thought.

“You are coming back next week, right?” Skepticism laced her words as she eyed him. 

Angel clicked his tongue, raising a brow. “Who knows?” It was the closest to an answer she would get from him. And it was not reassuring at all. 

Vianne glared, hoping that by her looks alone, he would get the message. But her efforts were in vain. Angel soon reverted back to napping for the rest of the class, not wasting a second longer on her.

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A/N: As per usual, shoutout to @classic80sand90smovieloves2 for encouraging and helping me get over writers block and whatnot ;) 

And thank you to all my followers who happened upon this piece in the sea of posts here on tumblr :p I love y’all and hope I didn’t disappoint!

If I Can’t Have You

Hello! So I ended up deciding to post this (thanks to anyone that commented on my last post!), I hope it’s okay <3

Summary:

"The number of times he had slipped into a daydream where he finally gathered the confidence to ask Sam out was ridiculous in its own right, but really, how could it be his fault when Sam was constantly walking around looking like that."

A.k.a Grizz is very much into Greek tragedies and Sam Eliot.

[AO3 link in the reblog]

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Grizz had somewhat of a committed relationship with Greek tragedies, and Wikipedia pages about Greek tragedies, and books about Greek tragedies. He also had somewhat a committed relationship with Sam Eliot’s Instagram profile, given how much he brought it up on his phone, but that was a matter for another time.

 “The Trojan Women,” he announced louder than intended as he set the play down in front of Gordie. 

 The boy smiled, watching with curious eyes as Grizz took the seat opposite him. “I’m starting to think you have a thing for tragedies, Grizz. Sure you’re okay?” 

 “They have the best lines,” he explained, smiling back at Gordie as he began flicking through. “If it's not a tragedy then the characters don’t have any time to get all deep and philosophical.” 

 “But of course. Grizz the random reciter of meaningful play lines.”

 “I take my job very seriously,” Grizz nodded, smile widening when Gordie began to laugh.

 It was a miserable Thursday afternoon, with rain splattering against the windows and pattering against the roof. The large yellow lamps hanging above their head provided the library with warmth, particularly in comparison to the dull atmosphere outside. 

 “So what have you found out about it?” asked Gordie, leaning forward in his seat. 

 “Well - it was written during the Peloponnesian War,” he responded, eyes flicking over some of his annotations. “The Athenians were getting ready to dispatch a massive expeditionary force to attack Sicily. Very nice of them.” 

 Gordie moved around the table then, settling down in the seat beside Grizz, and their discussion about the historical context alone ended up lasting about 40 minutes. Wars were complicated in Grizz’ defence.

 It was when the bell chimed, alerting them to other students, that Grizz allowed his eyes to wander. It was Sam who walked in, alongside his friend Becca. She was signing animatedly to him, whilst he looked over with a smile.

 Grizz didn’t lose his composure often, but seeing Sam that day, hair disarrayed from the beanie he was wearing, smile bright enough to light up a whole damn room, suddenly it felt like the world was collapsing around him.

 Sam’s eyes found his across the room as they always did, and he offered Grizz a playful smile before returning his attention to Becca again. Grizz let out a scarily lovesick-sounding sigh.

 Gordie chose that moment to clear his throat, eyebrows shooting up knowingly as he looked over at Grizz. He hesitated for a moment, clearly trying to be careful with his words.

 “You know...I’m not sure if you’ve seen, but there’s this movie called Love, Simon that seems pretty cool. It’s not a Greek tragedy but we could still watch it sometime if you wanted.”

 Grizz snorted. The subtlety was astounding.

 “Um,” he paused, trying to bite back a smile. Gordie was only trying to be supportive, after all. “Yeah, sure. That’d be nice. Saturday at my place?” 

 “Sounds like a plan! I’ll bring the popcorn.” 

 Grizz glanced back at Sam again, before sighing again and standing up from his chair. “I should probably get back to the team now, I’m sorry. Another session next Monday at lunch?” he asked, carefully closing the books that were scattered across the table and placing them in his bag. 

 “Sure,” said Gordie, following suit. He looked over at Sam too this time, smiling wide. “He’s cute,” he added, before turning around and heading towards the exit. 

 Grizz was left standing there for a moment, completely dumbfounded. He heard a giggle in the corner of the room, and he looked over to find Becca covering her mouth with her hand, Sam laughingly shushing her. He tried to ignore the pang of hurt in his chest as he slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way over to the exit. 

 Who was he kidding, he thought miserably as he walked, splashing through grey puddles. She was beautiful - everything Sam could’ve ever wanted. 

 ~

 “Now - what are we gonna do, guys?” Clark asked fiercely, fist raised in the air. 

 Grizz rolled his eyes and disappeared as subtly as he could into the background, preferring not to get involved with all the shouting. 

 “We’re gonna smash it!” came the responding chorus from the football team, Luke’s and Jason’s voices somewhere within the mix. 

 He looked out at the grandstands, shaded against the beaming sunlight that had broken up their week of rain. He was looking for someone in particular - he always was - but that didn’t mean he was going to admit it to himself. Butterflies flooded his stomach when a pair of blue eyes met his own, and suddenly he felt about twelve years old all over again. 

 Sam offered him another wave (they seemed to be getting more frequent and the idea of that terrified Grizz as much as it excited him), taking his hat off his head and holding it out in front of him. Grizz squinted for a moment as he read it, then a wide smile appeared on his face.

 It had ‘Go sports!!’ printed on it, and Grizz suddenly felt so much fondness for this boy that it was slightly overwhelming. 

 Despite never having exchanged anything beyond ‘hi,’ he had somehow managed to develop a full-blown, all-consuming crush on Sam Eliot and honestly, it was kind of ruining his life. Once, he was so caught up in Sam smiling at him that he walked into a pole for starters. The number of times he slipped into a daydream where he finally gathered the confidence to ask Sam out was ridiculous in its own right, but really, how could it be his fault when Sam was constantly walking around looking like that.

 Suddenly there was clicking in front of his face, and he tuned back into the real world to find Clark hovering in front of him. “Dude, the game’s starting! How the fuck are you day-dreaming now?” 

 Grizz immediately sprung to his feet with a hurried “sorry”, shaking his limbs out as he followed Clark onto the field. 

 The sound of a loud, shrieking whistle soon filled the air and all the boys around him were off. Grizz couldn’t help but sneak glances over at Sam, and when he wasn’t doing that the boy somehow managed to stay on his mind regardless. His movements all felt contrived, and his limbs weren’t cooperating, and yeah okay - who the fuck gave Sam the right? 

 There was insistent sunlight beaming down on him, and constant shouts ringing out in the air, and all Grizz could think about is what it would be like to feel Sam’s lips pressed against his. 

 He hated his brain sometimes. 

 It wasn’t a spectacular fail in the end - they won - but it was uncomfortably close for the team’s liking, and the general consensus was that Grizz had messed up big time. 

 “Dude, where the fuck was your mind that whole game?!” Clark exclaimed, waving a hand in front of his face. 

 “Fuck off, Clark. I was just having a bad day,”  Grizz muttered as he shimmied into a pair of jeans.

 “I’ve never seen you that off your game though,” Luke chimed in, walking over to the boy and placing a firm hand on his shoulder. “Sure you’re okay, bud?” 

 Grizz hesitated for a moment, gaze wondering past Luke’s shoulder, before letting out a resigned sigh. “There’s just this person I like that I haven’t really been able to get out of my head.”

 Jason, who had been changing off to the side, froze almost instantly at the words. Clark had a huge grin painted across his face, while Luke seemed shocked more than anything. 

 Grizz didn’t blame them. He was rarely one to talk about romantic feelings no matter how much the boys prodded him, always shutting down any mention of the topic. But now that Sam had come into the picture and Grizz was reconsidering his whole stance on not coming out until College... 

 “Who’s the girl that’s finally managed to melt your heart of ice then, man?” Clark asked him, looking overly pleased by the confession. 

 “I’m not telling you guys,” Grizz said simply, shrugging as he pulled a shirt over his head.

 Luke’s mouth fell open. “What?! Why?” 

 “You won’t know her,” he insisted, pushing past Clark to grab his gym bag. 

 “At least a description?” Jason begged, hands clasped together in front of him.

 Grizz looked over at the trio, gaze hard, before rolling his eyes and slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Ginger hair. Blue eyes. Wears a lot of sweaters. Into books. That’s all you’re getting,” he told them, before leaving the change rooms. 

 Jason looked after him, shaking his head. “So he’s into a nerd then?”

 “Don’t knock nerds,” said Luke with a shrug as he pulled on his own shirt. 

 “Is there even a ginger girl in our year?” Clark asked. 

 Grizz just shook his head as he walked away, trying hard to bite back a smile. 

 ~

 Grizz had never been the scandalous kind, but looking across the room at Sam he came to the conclusion he’d happily sneak around with that boy forever if it meant being with him. That is, if that’s what Sam wanted of course, which he didn’t. The rumours around Sam being gay were just that. Rumours. And Grizz couldn’t bring himself to believe that Sam didn’t like Becca with the way he looked at her.

 That’s why it was a little startling for Grizz to be pulled into a random janitor’s closet by Sam of all people. Given the context, it hadn’t been totally weird. A practise intruder alarm had sounded across the school while Grizz was out collecting something from his locker. Perfect timing, if you ask him. Before he knew it, the classroom doors were being locked and the blinds were being drawn, leaving him standing there like an idiot until Sam pulled him aside.

 The good news was that he wasn’t going to be told off by a teacher for being out and about. The bad news was that he was currently stood in the world’s smallest janitor’s closet, so close to Sam that he could barely breathe.

 Grizz blindly reached for the light switch, and after a few failed attempts the lamp hanging above their heads flickered on. 

 He swallowed thickly. “Hey.” 

 Sam smiled apologetically. “Hey. Sorry for being so sudden,” he responded, signing along.

 “It’s okay,” he smiled back, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

 Grizz wracked his brain for any ASL he knew, but frustratingly enough he came up blank. Well - except for...

 Bullshit, he signed, which had Sam bringing a hand up to his mouth to stifle his laughter.

 “It’s the only sign I know,” he explained, feeling a blush rising on his cheeks as he spoke. 

 Sam nodded, smile fond as he leaned back against the wall. Grizz cleared his throat, hands nervously clasped together in front of him. 

 “I um...I liked your hat! From the game.” 

 “Oh, thank you. I worked very hard on it,” said Sam with a nod, voice playful.

 Grizz actually fucking giggled at that, and for a second he was convinced that he had actually somehow managed to become twelve again. 

 The alarm was still blaring around them, and for a few moments, Grizz had almost forgotten about it. He bit his lip as he returned his gaze to Sam, obnoxious little butterflies filling his stomach. 

 Sam smiled faintly. “I see you looking at me a lot,” he spoke, hands signing along. 

 Grizz, without seeming dramatic, wanted the ground to swallow him up whole so he’d never have to deal with this conversation. This conversation with a cute boy who had definitely noticed all of his creepy staring.

 “Sorry,” he managed, blushing like an idiot all over again. “It's uh...something I do a lot. Zone out.” 

 Sam raised an amused eyebrow. “So it’s just zoning out?” 

 Grizz bit his lip and nodded, heart racing now.

 “That’s a shame. I thought maybe you liked me.” 

 And suddenly Grizz was considering the idea of this being a dream because what the actual fuck did Sam just say? His heart couldn’t take this. 

 “I - wait - um, do you...do you like me?” he spluttered out, embarrassed beyond belief. 

 Sam just smiled teasingly and shrugged, seeming about ten times more confident than Grizz felt.

 “I don’t know. Do you like me?” 

 Grizz hesitated for a moment, looking anywhere but Sam as he contemplated on how the hell he should respond. 

 “...Yeah,” he managed, voice higher than he would’ve liked, but then he remembered that he was an idiot and the boy couldn’t hear him anyway.

 Sam gave him a beaming smile.

 I...like...you...too, he signed, movements slow. Grizz got the message, and he honestly had to refrain from pinching himself.

 There they were - standing under a dangling yellow light amongst cleaning supplies in a closet that was criminally small, looking at one another as though waiting for something more. Waiting for one of them to break. 

 Sam swallowed, hints of nervousness shining through as he took a step forward, and that was enough for him to be right in Grizz’ space. Grizz let out a shaky exhale, bringing his hands up to rest on the boy’s waist. He had no idea whatsoever what he was doing, but he at least wanted to look as though he did.

 Sam took this a cue, smiling slightly as he shuffled forward, allowing Grizz’s arms to wrap fully around his waist, before looping his arms loosely around Grizz’s neck.

 Grizz was vaguely aware in the back of his mind that the alarm had stopped by now, but that seemed so distant he ended up ignoring it.

 Sam inched closer, on his tippy toes now, and Grizz’ heart was officially soaring. He closed the final gap between them both, brushing his lips against Sam experimentally before drawing back again. Sam chased him, pulling him in and firmly connecting their lips. 

 Yeah. Okay. Grizz could definitely confirm the real thing was far better than imagining it, because holy shit.Sam’s lips were soft and slightly chapped against his own, and his hands were feather-light against his skin, brushing up his arms now (when had they left his neck?) Why he had wasted so much time pining when kissing felt this good was absolutely beyond him.

 From that point on he relied almost entirely on instinct, which must’ve explained why he was suddenly lifting Sam up and setting him down on the wooden crate behind them, never disconnecting their lips. Sam pulled away for a moment, eyes alight with mischief as he gave Grizz a playful smile, before pulling the boy back in, hands travelling up to his hair now and tugging ever so slightly. The action pulled a small (embarrassing) gasp from Grizz, and he felt Sam’s smile widen.

 It was when they heard shouting outside that they jumped apart, Sam hopping down from the wooden crate and Grizz frantically attempting to straighten his shirt. The door to the closet was thrown open and Luke was stood there, Clark and Jason right behind him. 

 Grizz swallowed, running a hand through his hair. “Uh. Hey guys.” 

 “We’ve been looking all over for you dude!” exclaimed Clark. “What are you doing in here?” 

 “The classrooms were locked,” explained Grizz as he stepped out into the corridor, Sam following close behind. “It seemed like the next best place.” 

 Luke was still looking between him and Sam, eyes narrowed sceptically. Grizz saw his eyes travel from Sam’s hair, to his face, to his sweater to - oh fuck he’s worked it out. 

 It didn’t take a genius, Grizz supposed. He and Sam were still panting a bit, shirts and hair in disarray, glances at one another awkward. That, on top of his blatant description of Sam, really wasn’t helping him in the slightest.

 “Let's go, guys,” Luke said suddenly. 

 Clark and Jason gave him incredulous looks. “Why?” 

 “Let’s just fucking go, okay? Teacher’s probably waiting for us anyway,” he repeated, dragging them both with him down the corridor. He glanced over his shoulder when he reached the corner, giving Grizz a wink. Grizz smiled gratefully and gave him a wave in return. 

 “That was fun,” said Sam, smiling over at the boy. 

 Grizz bit back a smile of his own and nodded, giddiness setting in over what had happened. 

“We should uh...do it again sometime? Maybe not at school, though...unless you want to.” 

 Sam’s smile took a mischievous edge. He leaned over to press a quick kiss to Grizz’s cheek. “I don’t mind school, but maybe we could see each other over the weekend? My parents aren’t home on Sunday.”

 Grizz smiled. “It’s a date.”

zakki:re translations Part 1 (pg. 10-29, Vol. 1-2 illustrations)

Hello and welcome to the zakki:re translations post! It took a bit of time to think about how I’d have to structure these translations, but I’ve figured it out for the most part.

What this series of posts will be is a text translation of Ishida’s comments accompanied by the art he’s referring to (the actual art itself that’s been available online, not a picture taken from zakki:re. It’ll make more sense once you start going through the post, I promise). It will also include some commentary from me for some additional context, which will be marked as “T/N” for “translator notes”.

What this will NOT include are photographs of the book. If I take pictures of the book, they will be contained in a different post since I don’t want the translations posts to be more cluttered than they already are. I also won’t include any illustrations that don’t have commentary attached to them unless they’re somehow relevant to it.

They will be posted every 1-2 days depending on my schedule, and have roughly 10 pieces of commentary each which I found was a good length.

And lastly, some terminology before I begin. TG = Tokyo Ghoul (overall, like the fandom tag), OG = the first Tokyo Ghoul series, :re = Tokyo Ghoul:re.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy!

[T/N: This illustration was a magazine cover that included the blurb, "Justice has now been commenced." Presented this way since this is how it appears in zakki:re.]

zakki:re has now begun. Just like zakki, the comments on the paintings and such will be referred to as accordingly. I hope you enjoy.

This is the first cover on which :re began.

It gives off a certain vibe, hence the "Justice, commence!" blurb. At least that's probably what my editor thought.

I thought at the time that I was seriously going to fail to hand in my manuscript in time. It almost became, “Justice, commence (starting next week)!”

Weekly Young Jump 2014, Issue no. 46, Cover illustration

Volumes 1-4 of :re were prefaced with colour pages. Hinami was a member of Aogiri Tree, and Kanae was distressed over Tsukiyama.

Shirazu’s character looks kinda dangerous here for some reason, doesn’t he?

Weekly Young Jump 2014, Issue no. 46, Opening colour page

An image of a sky, as if it’s connected to the sky from the last chapter of OG. A certain three people from the final chapter are also standing here.

Weekly Young Jump 2014, Issue no. 46, Opening colour page

The cover illustration for volume 1 of :re. I used up all my energy drawing Haise. But he turned out quite well, don’t you think? He’s holding a Kitahara Hakushuu book in his hand.

I thought I should draw the story from the CCG perspective, so I introduced the character known as Sasaki Haise, an investigator who is a half-ghoul.

Before :re began I also created the Qs characters all at once for the shock factor. I took a break in between OG and :re, but it was only 3 weeks if I recall. I remember at the time I was working on the setting and drawing, so I ended up busier than usual during that writing period.

When OG ended, one of the staff asked, “Is it really over?” in confusion, and I answered, “Yeah, it’s really over.” It wasn’t really a lie since it was OG that had ended.

2014, Volume 1, Cover illustration

[T/N: The quality of this illustration isn’t good since I took it from the table of contents in Volume 1. But the neat thing is in zakki:re, the quality is so good that you can clearly read the words in the book that Haise is reading. Right now he’s reading Hakushuu’s poem “Blue Dragonfly.”]

Ui-kun has risen the ranks. Looks like he’s gone through a lot.

2014, Volume 1, Frontispiece

The exterior of the pinup, I think. From the series of mysterious outfits. Seems it’s based off a military uniform?

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Joint issue no. 6~7, Special long pinup

This is an illustration I drew using CLIP STUDIO. I’ve always used Sai for drawing, but when I was drawing the ending cards for the 2nd season of the OG anime (the ones that moved along with amazarashi’s “Seasons Die One After Another”), I decided to try drawing using CLIP STUDIO on a whim, and I kept using it for a while. Later I also drew the Trump card illustrations using CLIP STUDIO. I don’t use it anymore but looking back, the end product has a really distinct look to it, which makes me wonder if I should try using this program again...

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Issue no. 12, Cover illustration

[T/N: Couldn’t find the raw version of this illustration. This page was scanned by Imperial Scans (RIP).]

At the time it seems I pressed my editor, “What’s ‘On Christmas Eve the Qs bell is ringing’ supposed to mean?” for answers. But hey, doesn’t “Qs bell” sound kinda cool?

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Joint issue no. 4~5, Center colour illustration

[T/N: Not completely raw, but close enough. Scan for this illustration done by Twisted Hel Scans (also RIP).]

You’ve probably realized it by now, but the opening pages and the center colour illustrations from the YJ magazines were printed as they originally were back then.

Since the magazine design would be lost for those who didn’t buy the magazine back then, it would’ve been a shame since L.S.D. (the design company) worked extremely hard to make it look good. I also think the blurbs that my editor came up can be considered a work of their own (such as ‘Qs bell’).

Of course, I’m sure there are people who want to see the paintings in their original state. I felt the same way which was why I was conflicted about it, but I’ve accepted it in this form for this time.

The volume illustrations and the magazine illustrations have been arranged in chronological order as much as possible. I hope you can enjoy it together with the circumstances of my editor’s work.

If I ever get another opportunity, I’d like to have an art book with just illustrations only.

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Joint issue no. 6~7, Opening colour page

[T/N: The version of this illustration in zakki:re doesn’t include any text.]

Colour pinup from the appendix of YJ magazine. I added in Scarecrow who hadn’t appeared in the story yet (I didn’t know when I would add him in). I had fun drawing the 4 people above. I really like Nutcracker in particular.

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Joint issue no. 6~7, Special long pinup

The character popularity poll illustration contest (I think it was with Nico Nico Seiga). I drew some shikishi and gave them as gifts to those who submitted illustrations. This illustration itself feels nostalgic.

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Issue no. 12, Opening colour page

[T/N: Updated with HQ scans from TG_Hub. Thank you!]

The cover of :re volume 2 featuring Touka.

I chose something relaxing for the off-centre composition while still following the general flow of the OG volume, conveying that she has become more cunning. A reference to "zakki", so it'd be great if you could compare between the two.

Haise looks good in shades of brown.

This is the interior of the Chateau where the Qs resided, and it was designed by a good friend who I’ll call J-chan. A luxury home with the Qs’ bedrooms, common room, kitchen, Haise’s room, and the training room, fully furnished. I got the data from him so that I could preview it and look around in 3-D, so I included it in the instructions for drawing the backdrop as a reference. Thanks!

[T/N: If you want to see the comparison to OG zakki, click here. Also, the Qs chateau that Ishida’s friend designed...is ripped from The Sims 4. No, I’m not kidding.]

Weekly Young Jump 2015, Volume 2 cover

I took a bunch of my scribbles and reused them for the colour pages in the volume.

At the very beginning I drew Mucchan (Mutsuki Tooru), and moved on to other characters from there. As Saiko hadn't appeared in the story yet, her face isn't shown here. "Saiko absolutely won't show up for an entire volume," was my iron will.

2015, Volume 2, Frontispiece

next

Precure Day 151

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 03 - “Who’s the Precure of Effervescence?” Date watched: 3 October 2019 Original air date: 18 February 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/wUrfDcF Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

If you like drinking games, watch this episode and take a shot every time they say the word “effervescent” or variations and report back to me. Cure Lemonade’s title and role call describe her as “はじける” (hajikeru) which every translator to ever touch this show has seemed to agree translates best as “effervescent”, an uncommon word which can either mean bubbly (in the context of beverages) or lively and appealing, when talking about people. To reinforce my point, here’s every English sub I could get my hands on:

First off, here is the Arienai fansub from around 2007, the first ones to ever translate this episode to English and thus establish the use of the word “effervescent.”

Following Arienai’s disbandment, in 2009 TV-Nihon took up the task of subbing and I know from talking with him that their translator was very aware of the Areinai sub, and also pretty new to translating, so he probably took heavy inspiration from their choice.

Lastly, here is the version used by Pretty Cure Splash Subs in 2014, although they admit that they took the Arienai scripts for the earlier episodes and just tweaked them a tad.

Amusingly, “bubbly” in the sense of personality is a pretty good synonym. I can only assume that they keep coming back to “effervescent” because within the narrative, Nozomi and Rin are confused when Coco tells them there’s a Precure of “hajikeru” so they chose a less common word to convey that better. It feels a little clunky to read but what can you do. Anyway, enough about one word, what’s this episode about?

The Plot

Urara is auditioning for a show and the interviewers quiz her about her school life, since she seems upbeat. She’s unwilling to admit that she spends most of her time at school alone, and she can’t talk about seeing two upperclassmen turn into Precure, so she lies and says everything is great.

At school, Rin catches a Pinky with Coco, this time using a trumpet. He then explains that the two of them are the cures of hope and passion, and they still need to find the cures of intelligence, tranquility, and effervescence. (1 shot!) 

Over in Nightmare Corporate HQ, Bunbee tells Girinma he’s not performing up to standards, so he bring in the next consultant, a portly man named Gamao.

After school, Nozomi takes Coco home with her as a fairy, gives him a cream puff (the signature food of this show) and turns on the television. When her dad sits up from sleeping on the couch she quickly tries to hide Coco and distract her dad by pointing out Urara on the TV, saying she knows her.

The next day during lunch, Nozomi and Rin see Urara sitting alone and goes over to talk to her, saying she can ask them anything. So, Urara comes right out and asks what Precure is, causing the two girls to fumble for an answer before running off when the bell rings for the end of lunch. However, Nozomi comes back to retrieve her left-behind bento and decides to skip class and take Urara on a tour of the school grounds. When Rin and Coco find out about this they’re upset and they run off to find her, but Urara seems to be having a great time with Nozomi.

They get to the auditorium and Urara comments that she will stand on that stage someday! At this point, Nozomi declares that the two of them are good friends and reveals that she is a Pretty Cure, and don’t tell Rin. Well of course who should barge into the theater at that moment than Rin, with Coco on her heels, angry at Nozomi for cutting class and generally being a bad influence on the underclassman. But before Rin and Coco can properly chew her out, Gamao reveals himself and demands that they hand over the Dream Collet. Nozomi and Rin transform, urging Urara to run away, which she hesitates to do. Eventually she gets out, but she trips in the hallway, and after some introspection, decides to turn around and run back to help the two girls who protected her. Her strong feelings summon a yellow butterfly, allowing her to transform into Cure Lemonade! She unleashes her special attack, Precure Lemonade Flash, which takes the form of a flock of butterflies divebombing the Kowaina, freeing Dream and Rouge and allowing them to defeat the monster. Gamao runs off, complaining that he won’t get paid for this, and the auditorium resets to normal.

Outside, the girls remark that Urara is the perfect fit for the Cure of Effervescence, and Coco says he’ll fill her in on all the details after she and Nozomi serve detention for skipping class. However, the episode ends on a happy note, as the three new friends agree to work together from now on.

The Analysis

What I like about these shows with a larger roster of Cures is that it allows each girl to have their own reason for fighting. While all three girls so far have done it to protect someone, the motivation behind that protection has varied. Nozomi wants to help Coco revive his homeland. Rin wants to protect her oldest friend, Nozomi. Urara wants to save her newest friends, especially Nozomi, who saw that she was lonely and made it a point to spend time with her. Becoming a Precure ties directly into a personal problem in each of their lives, and that’s..... magical.

Urara in particular may hit close to home for some people, because achieving your dream can sometimes isolate you. Since Urara was always rehearsing or going to auditions, she didn’t have the time to make friends at school, and she was hurting for it. Nozomi was the first person to take notice of her, beyond simply being a celebrity. Nozomi saw a new student who seemed kinda lonely, and decided to show her a good time. The fact that she’s an aspiring celebrity is a side note for Nozomi, a cool thing to tell her parents, but it’s not why she approached her. They clicked in their first meeting and Nozomi decided she’d make a good friend. Then, when they were friends, Nozomi decided to tell her about Precure and their fight against Nightmare. Sure, it’s partly because Nozomi has little filter, but also she saw someone she could confide in. Unlike the other three members of the team, she didn’t pick out Urara as a good candidate to be a cure, Urara earned her spot purely of her own will. She literally ran away from the fight, but her concern for the others and desire to face her fears brought her back.

There’s a recurring trope in the team-building shows that I don’t like, though, which is that the existing heroines somehow find themselves conveniently disabled or unable to fight, making room for the new girl to swoop in, transform for the first time, and save the day. In the two-girl shows, if both of them got tied up, they had to use their wits to escape. I don’t mind it happening once or twice but it seems to be the only way the writers ever know how to introduce a new character is by making the other ones into jobbers.

On the villain side of things, we get to see a little more of Nightmare, which is always fun. Their HQ is a giant office building with devil horns!

You kind of have to wonder if this is just in the middle of downtown or if the other buildings are all in some ~evil dimension~. Also, we find out what happens to under-performers at Nightmare.... they get dropped down a shaft. Seems like kind of a hostile work environment but it’s great for setting the tone.

While I’m discussing Nightmare, let’s talk about Gamao in particular. Gama means “toad”, which is why Gamao is a toad. SHOCKING. Anyway, unlike the go-getter Girinma, Gamao is very simple-minded: he wants to get the Dream Collet so he can get paid, and isn’t interested in wasting time laying traps or listening to the girls’ life stories. He’s portrayed as a very portly man, looking kind of sloppy in his human form, not at all up to the normal appearance standards of a corporation. he wears cargo shorts, a t-shirt (it actually has a giant T on it), and an unbuttoned button-down shirt. Everybody else in the company wears a suit. Nightmare must be pretty desperate for employees if they let him work for them. Also, we now have a bee, a mantis, and a wasp, so let’s lay out the motif of Nightmare. All of them are animals that prey on butterflies, which of course are the motif of the cures. It’s a very clever pattern that I hadn’t even noticed until it was pointed out to me the other day.

This episode shows us very clearly what Karen must have seen during the first episode, when the auditorium magically restores itself after the battle. (check the gallery) It’s never explained how this happens in most shows, but it’s a constant so at least they allude to it. Indeed, their battle does not go entirely unnoticed this time, since even though they’re indoors, the commotion of the fight causes the students in Karen and Komachi’s class to turn their heads and wonder what’s going on. Karen is going to check it out, but Komachi stops her because they’re in the middle of class. I really like how proactive they are in trying to solve the mystery and very soon their time will come.

I think that about does it for my thoughts this time. Next time, what’s that minty smell? Look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 1 kettei!

Respond to this postbyreplying abovethis line SOURCE FOUND IN ,New post on Witches Of The Craft® Your Love Horoscopes for the Week of February 13th by ladyoftheabyss General Horoscope It's a happy week for love. On Tuesday, the Sun will sextile Saturn. In the United States this is Valentine's Day which is an annual celebration of romance. With the Sun at a friendly angle to Saturn, you can expect plenty of commitment-themed events. In other words, many of your friends will be showing off engagement rings all over social media. In other news, Mercury will sextile Mars on Thursday, helping you and your lover enjoy a lively debate without it turning into a battle. Then, on Saturday, the Sun will move into Pisces. The lovers and the dreamers unite. Aries Horoscope MAR 21 – APR 19 Your love life may feel like a mind-expanding adventure this week. It's possible that your sweetheart will prompt you to explore new territory either physically or intellectually. This can be anything from a decision to travel overseas together to the two of you signing up for a fascinating continuing education course. Another possibility is that you'll study more about philosophy or a certain religion together. It's all good, and will bring you closer than ever! Taurus Horoscope APR 20 – MAY 20 Although there might not be many romantic bells and whistles happening this week, you're in a good, solid place when it comes to love. It's nice knowing that you have someone you can rely on, and who can be your rock when you need one. This week you'll be reminded that even if your sweetheart isn't the flamboyant type, his or her love burns strong and steady -- and it's just for you. Gemini Horoscope MAY 21 – JUN 20 You and your partner will work productively towards a mutual goal that may not only expand your horizons, but also help solidify your relationship. This might have to do with a plan to thoroughly explore your genealogy in order to learn as much as possible about your roots. Whether you're from similar backgrounds or not, you're likely to learn so much more about your pasts. It'll be a fascinating journey you enjoy taking together. Cancer Horoscope JUN 21 – JUL 22 You and your partner could make a lightning-fast decision this week about your shared resources. This may have to do with an investment opportunity, but can just as easily be about a decision for one of you to support the other financially as a new professional goal is pursued. Whatever the details, there won't be any second guessing this choice, and you'll both be completely on board. Wonderful! Leo Horoscope JUL 23 – AUG 22 This week your love life will surely be a focus. On Tuesday, it's Valentine's Day in the United States, and it looks like you and your sweetheart will be ready to make a few promises to each other. They'll be ones you both intend to honor! Then, on Thursday, a conversation with your lover about intimate matters could heat up quickly -- in a good way! Another possibility is that you'll ambitiously pursue learning a new subject together. It'll be quite intellectually stimulating. Virgo Horoscope AUG 23 – SEP 22 You and your partner will come up with a practical solution this week to help tackle a mutual financial problem. Don't waste time stressing out over this situation because together you'll develop a plan that will quickly get executed. Consider it solved! After Saturday, you'll be in a stronger position to focus on your relationship. Spending time with your partner and sharing your dreams will be top priority. Libra Horoscope SEP 23 – OCT 22 A mental connection between you and your mate will spark extra passion in the bedroom. Pay special attention to conversations that happen Tuesday through Thursday --they will light your fire! If you're in the United States, then Tuesday is Valentine's Day. It's a day to celebrate love, and you'll have no shortage of sweet words to whisper into your partner's ear. A decision that you and your partner make will be exciting and stabilizing to your relationship all at once. Scorpio Horoscope OCT 23 – NOV 21 An office romance will heat up. You and your new lover might start to talk openly about the fact that you're dating, and if so, it'll spark great interest amongst your colleagues. Another possibility is that you are in a relationship with someone, and this week the two of you make a commitment to improve your health together. You might attend a seminar about an area of health that interests you both. Sagittarius Horoscope NOV 22 – DEC 21 Romance will be hot and heavy thanks to a bit of sexy mental stimulation! On Thursday, communication planet Mercury will be at a friendly angle to steamy Mars which is now in your true love sector. As a result, you and your lover might enjoy taking your sexy antics to a more playful level during conversations. Phone sex, sexting, or even an enticing love letter are all possible options. If you really want to play, why not write each other a bit of erotica? Yum! Capricorn Horoscope DEC 22 – JAN 19 Your domestic life will be quite hectic leaving little room for carefree romantic antics between you and your mate. Fortunately, neither you nor your partner will feel as if you're missing out on anything. There are certain times when you want to be swept off your feet, and then there are other times where it's more important to know that someone at home is keeping the floor swept. This week, you'll be more turned on knowing that you can count on your mate to help organize any family chaos. Aquarius Horoscope JAN 20 – FEB 18 If you're looking for motivation, look no further than your sweetheart. Your lover will know exactly what to say in order to help you get pumped up about achieving one of your goals. This week, a conversation with your mate will help you put a plan into action instead of continuing to allow your brilliant ideas to sit and stew inside of your head. Reciprocate the favor and lift up your sweetheart in the same way. It'll only make the love you share even stronger. Pisces Horoscope FEB 19 – MAR 20 This week, you and your partner will have an amazing capacity to discuss a topic that would be so much easier to sweep under the rug and ignore. As a result, you'll find that you both feel unburdened. You might be able to have this conversation on your own, or it may happen in the context of a counseling session. Either way, it'll open the door to greater intimacy. You can talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly without fear of losing the one you love most. Part of the Daily Insight Group ©2017 ladyoftheabyss | February 14, 2017 at 6:38 pm | Categories: Articles, Daily Posts, Horoscopes | URL: Comment See all comments Unsubscribe to no longer receive posts from Witches Of The Craft®. Change your email settings at Manage Subscriptions. Trouble clicking? Copy and paste this URL into your browser: http://witchesofthecraft.com/2017/02/14/your-love-horoscopes-for-the-week-of-february-13th/ Thanks for flying with WordPress.com REPOSTED BY,PHYNXRIZNG

Editorial: How not to honor women in comics

It was a mistake. It was very obviously a mistake.

I’m always a bit leery of publicly criticizing institutions that generally deserve support. I’m aware of how damaging bad press really can be, and that mistakes are unavoidable when you’re running on a tight budget. So before I even state my complaint, I’d like to preface it with the fact that I know this was a mistake, and that nothing I’m going to say here is intended to undercut the importance of this institution and the work that they do. Are we clear on that? Okay.

So, when I say that I was thoroughly appalled to see the following in my Facebook newsfeed this afternoon, please remember that it is not my intent to belittle the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund or the important First Amendment work that they do.

Those who are regular readers of Korean comics will recognize the immediately that this post, originally entitled “Fifteen Banned and Challenged Comics by Women,” is accompanied by the cover image from First Second’s publication of The Color of Earth, the first book in the series commonly known as The Color Trilogy by a male author, Kim Dong Hwa. That the CBLDF realized their mistake at some point is clear upon clicking the link, where the title has been changed to “Fifteen Banned and Challenged Comics by or About Women.” The mistake, perhaps, was made by a blogger unfamiliar with “Kim” as a common surname and perhaps, too, the fact that Korean names (when they haven’t been deliberately switched around for western readers) are written surname first. But hey, the series’ main characters are, in fact, women, so one could make an argument that it is, as the revised title suggests “about women.” “Good save,” one might say, and move on.

I’m having a hard time moving on. Yes, it was a mistake. But, wow, it’s an unfortunate one. The post is intended to honor Women’s History Month by presenting a list of comics by (or about) women that have been frequently banned or challenged. It’s a noble cause to be sure. And, in his own way, the author of the series I think does believe he’s honoring women. But he does so from a perspective so steeped in male fantasies about what is good and beautiful about women, and SO thoroughly rooted in the male gaze, that it is, in my opinion, nearly the worst choice possible to appear on a list like this, let alone at #1.

It was a mistake, but really so avoidable, as even a search in the CBLDF’s own archives reveals that at least someone at the organization already knows that the book was written by a man. And while the series has gotten a lot of praise in the general comics press, a little jaunt through the manga blogosphere (which historically tends to include more female voices) reveals a less universally enthusiastic view. Here are a few from Manga Bookshelf bloggers alone:

Melinda Beasi (me) & Michelle Smith, Off the Shelf: MMF Edition

I think what you’re reacting to (and I mentioned this in comments, but I’ll reiterate it here) is not the story’s historical context, but the author’s own sexism which he reveals in the way he portrays the realities of the period. My immediate thought upon finishing the series was that I found it inexpressibly sad. Ehwa’s mother spends almost the entire series teaching her daughter about what a woman’s life is in their world and helping her learn how to endure a lifetime of waiting and heartache that can only be relieved by the companionship of a beloved man. And I suspect there is quite a bit of historical accuracy in this sense of utter helplessness and lack of worth placed on a single woman in that period.

But despite the bleakness of their circumstances, Kim portrays it all with a loving nostalgia. Even when expressing the sadness and longing felt by Ehwa and her mother as they wait for their men, he portrays it all as beautiful and even romantic. This isn’t matter of being true to the period. These are Kim’s own values being revealed here, and that’s what we’re reacting to. The same story could be told without that veil of fond nostalgia and it would read very, very differently. If this series had actually been written during that time period, that would be different matter as well, but Kim is a contemporary writer, and as such, he’s responsible to contemporary readers for the story he’s chosen to tell and how he tells it.

… while it’s true that coming-of-age stories do tend to revolve around sexual awakening, it’s notable I think that though we experience Ehwa’s sexual development in meticulous detail, there’s very little attention given to the development of her romantic attachments. In fact, I’d say out of Ehwa’s romantic episodes, the one that’s best-developed is actually her early crush on the young monk. That’s played out very realistically for a crush–all shy meetings with a heavy spark, leading to lots of mooning about. By contrast, her true love story with Duksam is barely developed at all.

I think it’s partially this strong bias towards Ehwa’s sexual development that leads me to distrust the author’s feelings about women. He’s quoted as saying (in an interview at Newsarama), “I consider the process of a girl becoming a woman one of the biggest mysteries and wonders of life.” But he appears to regard that process as being primarily about sexuality. Not only are we shown very little in terms of Ehwa’s emotional development, but she never shows interest in really anything besides learning about sex and men, though she carefully remains a virgin throughout. That seems like such an exclusively male fantasy.

David Welsh, Good girls don’t

I’m not a cultural historian, so I have no idea what things were like for women in pre-industrial Korea. I just know that I don’t really care for its portrayal of “good” women as passive and patient, no matter how elegantly drawn it is. “I think that the process of a girl becoming a woman is one of the biggest mysteries and wonders of life,” the creator said in an interview. I wish he had thought harder about that mystery and hadn’t imposed what strikes me as such a male notion of wonder upon it.

Young Ehwa lives with her widowed mother, who keeps a tavern in the countryside. Mom advises Ehwa on womanhood, pounding in the notion of the woman as flowering shrub, patiently waiting and gently blossoming until a male pollinating insect will deign to settle upon her, and all will be well. Just look at Ehwa’s friend, the porcine Bongsoon, who actually lets curiosity lead to action. Bongsoon is less attractive than Ehwa, and her mother clearly isn’t giving her the lecture on the botany of desire or instructing her that true love waits. You can be damn sure that, should Bongsoon find a man stupid enough to marry damaged goods, birds won’t fly from the trees and every bell in the countryside won’t ring when that marriage is consummated. Bognsoon is an object of ridicule and contempt because she has the nerve to act on her desires.

Erica Friedman, The Color of Heaven

Laced heavily with unrealistic platitudes that are increasingly heaped upon our heads, many of them about the “lot of women,” I began to find the dialogue burdensome. Women, we are told, are plain trees in the winter that wait for a butterfly man to alight on our branches to adorn us. Waiting is punishment for women’s love. Women are, in fact, nothing without men. While the language is beautiful, it fails the Bechdel Test completely. The women do nothing but discuss men. As David Welsh so cogently summed it up, “not a fan of the notion that the power and mystery of women lies in their ability to wait for men.” When I read a few of these “us poor women” lines to my wife, she asked quite sincerely, if the mother hated her daughter. It was depressing to tell her that she did not, she was just indoctrinating Ehwa into life as a woman …

The series has a happy ending, which redeemed much of the “woe is us” feel of the early pages, but I absolutely could not recommend this book to a young woman…

Most likely, had this series not been mistakenly attributed to a woman by the CBLDF’s blogger, it never would have appeared on this list at all, and rightfully so. Though it’s a work worth discussing for both its flaws and its merits (and certainly none of us would suggest that it should be banned), it honestly has no place on a list that is intended to shine a light on books by or about women. Yes, the artwork is beautiful. Yes, the author is well-respected. But, at its core, it’s a series dedicated to male fantasy, not unlike a million other comics, and for that, not particularly remarkable.

It was a mistake. And it’s too bad.

By: Melinda Beasi