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#cats were a childhood special interest of mine and I’ve grown up around them
rambling-robot · 4 months
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I have figured out Why Exactly something bothers me and will angrily elaborate on it.
TL;DR: I’m upset when people get mad at a pet for not perfectly understanding them, and especially when they also express surprise that a pet seems to have perfectly understood them.
I am bothered by people who give clear, enunciated instructions to their pets and then get genuinely upset when the pets do not obey to the letter. And I don’t mean, “the trained dog didn’t respond to the ‘sit’ command.” I am pulling from a very specific and recent scenario, where someone was playing with the cat (poking around the cat’s face, the cat was almost ready to swat their finger because she was excited and being poked at and that’s what happens) and they said, “I’m going to be mad if she bites me.”
yeah, man. she’s a cat, you’re poking at her, you’re playing, she’s gonna bite.
“No, I’m going to be mad if she bites me because then it’ll be because she’s angry. Playing is fine but I’m not going to tolerate angry biting.”
YOU. ARE PLAYFULLY POKING AT A CAT. A CAT THAT IS CLEARLY GETTING EXCITED. AND WANTING TO ENGAGE. WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT HER TO DO? POKE YOU BACK? ENGAGE IN WITTY BANTER? PULL OUT PLAYING CARDS? EITHER ACCEPT THE RISK OF BITING OR DON’T PLAY. SHE’S NOT A DOG. YOU CAN’T TRAIN HER TO NOT BITE YOU DURING PLAY LIKE YOUR PARENTS’ SHIH TZU. PARTIALLY BECAUSE PLAYING WITH DOGS INVOLVES TOYS THAT THEY ARE OTHERWISE OCCUPYING THEIR MOUTHS WITH.
And then. Then. The cat sniffs their finger, and gently bites it. And the person laughs and says, “Look at that! She must’ve understood what I said, because this isn’t angry biting. I’m surprised. She got me, haha!”
So you’re telling me. That you’re setting up arbitrary rules that the cat is not expected to understand in any real capacity, but she will be punished if she doesn’t adhere to them. But if she follows the rule she doesn’t know about, then it’s a “loophole” and you’re going to laugh, because she’s not really listening, that’s so funny to imagine!
And from the cat’s perspective? She’ll never know! Biting is okay! But only sometimes! If she ever gets the timing wrong—not that she’ll ever know the pattern—then she’s going to be smacked for it! By someone she rarely spends time with! (Pointing out that the cat is following natural behavior is considered “correcting” and “fact-checking.” And the other person only gets defensive and it won’t change what they’re doing/thinking.)
Maybe I’m just autistic and I’m projecting onto an animal. But you can understand why this bothers me, yeah? Why getting mad at a cat for breaking a rule she can’t possibly know is upsetting? When the cat is reacting to someone initiating play or intentionally irritating her and the response is to punish her because of what they’re doing?
Anyways. If you want a snuggly little lap cat to do nothing but cuddle with you and understand everything you’re expecting from it, don’t get a cat. They are individuals with varying personalities and if you get a cat thinking you’ll automatically have a cozy little friend, then you’re going to be disappointed. If you adopt a cat and also have to work all day, that’s fine, but don’t expect the cat to be your immediate best friend forever. Sometimes they are, and that’s awesome!!! I love fuzzy feline friends!!!! But don’t expect it. Don’t buy a cat because you’ve seen so many pictures and videos of other people’s cats.
And along the same lines, I also hope this person doesn’t have children. And that might sound really petty, but if you get irritated that your cat isn’t the precious perfect baby you hoped it’d be and now it’s forever banned from your room because of one accident, don’t have kids.
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Glittering Prizes And Endless Compromises (shatter the illusion of integrity)
Hi everyone! This is my latest one shot that I have taken a small detour in doing. I have decided to change my mind on my Sk8 The Infinity fic and instead shrunk Haru and Sakura's ages. This is post-series and I thought that it would be cute to do Sakura x Miya. I hope that you all enjoy this fic! I have the song list if anybody is interested as well.
Haru: Thirty Three by the Smashing Pumpkins.
Miya: Limelight by Rush
Sakura: Spirit of Radio by Rush
The sun shone through my window in the early morning and I instantly rolled over softly hissing at the idea that it was way too early for anybody to be awake. It was a big day for me though. Today was the tryouts for the professional skateboarding team. It was time for me to show that I was worthy of Miya’s love and affection. I knew that I could do something really special with my board and my love of Rush. So I themed my skate around my favorite song. Very few skaters actually skateboarded to music it was seen as a distraction and something that brought them out of the experience. For me though, music grounded me and it reminded me that I wasn’t in front of a hundred different people. I loved performing through skateboarding to me that’s what it was. It was a way of expressing the way that I felt about a handful of things but mainly about the way that my favorite band made me feel. The different emotions that lyrics brought to me through skating. I slowly rolled out of bed and grabbed my skating gear that I would wear today. Reki had apparently made a brand new board that was special for this day. I had no idea what he was planning on doing but I willed myself to just be surprised. Putting on my FullMetal Alchemist themed hoodie I remembered why I was doing this.
“I’m doing this to prove to Miya that he doesn’t have to do this alone. I’ll always be there for him to support him and catch him if he ever happens to fall. This isn’t a battle that he has to fight alone. I want to make him happy. In order to show him that I can this is what I need to do.” I tied my hair into a braid and tossed it over my shoulder with a small smile on my face. I looked over at the picture frame that was on my desk of Miya and I when he was first teaching me how to skate. It brought a smile to my face every time that I saw it.
“I love you Miya, so much. Today I’m finally going to tell you just how much. I don’t care that you don’t like me back, all I want to do is prove myself worthy of your love and affection. This is more for me than it is for anything else.” I encouraged myself with a bright smile on my face. I tied my high tops around my ankles and put my headphones around my neck.
“Sakura?” My brother looked up at me from down the hallway and I waved to him tentatively coming closer to him.
“What are you doing up moron? You have a big today too if you want to skate and get yourself a spot of the Japanese Nationals team.” I told him lightly and he just hugged me tightly to him. I stiffened in surprise. I was usually the type to hug my brother not the other way around. Even then it was rare that he would hug me back preferring to keep me at arms length as of late.
“I love you Sakura…” He reminded me and I felt tears come to my eyes at the admission. He truly did love me I could tell. For as much as we fought and bickered I knew that I would never have anybody in my life quiet like my younger brother.
“I love you Haru. Where’s this coming from?” He showed me his board and I smiled softly at my signature that looked really frayed and choppy.
“I just was looking at my board and saw your signature there from when we were kids. I miss those days.” I smiled softly at my brother and he hugged me tightly. I hummed under my breath the song that usually got my brother back to sleep.
“Were you listening to Thirty-Three as well? It’s too early for you to be awake officially idiot. Get back to bed.” He just sighed against me with a small smile on his face. I carded my fingers through his green curls humming the Smashing Pumpkins song that I knew got my brother through the day. Where I had grown up loving Rush, my brother took a shine to the band that our mom had skated to as a teenager. It always made me laugh when I thought about my mom skating to screaming heavy metal music.
“I was. I woke up from a nightmare and had to go to take a leak.” I pushed my brother away from me playfully gagging.
“God you are the most disgusting pig that I’ve ever met. I’ve got to get going. I wanted to get an early skate session in before dad makes breakfast. Knowing him we’ll be having a full course meal when I come back. You try and get some sleep seaweed brain.” I teased lightly ruffling his seaweed colored hair and he just chuckled a little bit at me.
“I’ll try to go back to bed. Good luck skating, be safe out there and don’t get hurt. I know that you’ll be alright sis. It’s just a reflexive response.” I pulled my headphones on over my ears seeing the sun barely rising in the sky. It was so early that the rest of the world was still asleep like I should have been. I went through my playlist knowing that Geddy Lee would get me awake and moving.
“Begin the day with a friendly voice a companion unobtrusive plays that song that’s so elusive and the magic music makes your mornin’ mood…” I could always count on the beautiful lyrics of Rush to call out to me like an old friend wrapping me up in a warm embrace and reminding me of how much I loved music. I skated to the song pulling out all my tricks that I would be doing for today’s show outside of the shop. There was something really specific that this song in particular meant to me. It was about childhoods spent in long car ride with my dad as he introduced me to the band that changed his teenage years. It inspired me to go out there and change the world through the beautiful song lyrics that I had grown up hearing. Geddy’s voice called me to like no other ever had and it had me tearing up now that I was older.
“Man it’s too early for me to start crying…” I heard my phone buzz and I took my phone out of my backpack that I was skating with. It was an early morning text from Miya.
Miya: Turn around, your music is too loud. I’ve been calling you for the last three minutes. I whipped my head around seeing the familiar green and purple cat hoodie and the boy that had the most beautiful sea green eyes that I had ever seen.
“You nervous?” He asked me and I nodded my head. He parked his board next to me bumping his shoulder with mine.
“Sakura if anybody is even close to my level it’s you. You’re going to amaze so many people out there today just by showing them what you’re made of.” He reminded me with a light smile on his face when I nodded my head with a small smile.
“I’m not just doing this because I want to beat you Miya. There’s another reasoning behind it. I’ll tell you about it later. Just know that I’m going to do the best that I can. My brother is too, he’s been skating a lot recently. He still hasn’t told me what to just like I haven’t told you what I’m doing for my song. Are you finally ready to spill your beans?” I stretched my arms over my head and I saw the small smirk on my best friend’s face.
“That is for me to know and you to find out later this afternoon. I think I have a good idea of what your brother is doing, how is he?” I nodded my head smiling softly thinking about the softness that he had when he hugged me earlier.
“He’s good! He hugged me this morning, I think that he’s just really excited about today. He hasn’t hugged me a lot lately. I wish that I could make everything better for him just by magic. Give him the body that he’d be the most comfortable in and maybe then he’d hug me more…” Miya put his arm around my shoulders and the scent of apple and deodorant came over me that I had loved since I was eleven years old. I was fourteen now and I still couldn’t think of a better scent to wrap myself up in.
“He’ll open up to you it’s just that well as you often call him he’s an idiot. Speaking of idiots, are you sure about letting Reki make you a new board for today that you have never in your life skated on?” I laughed a little bit at my best friend.
“I’m positive about it, I trust him. I know that he’ll make a board that I’m able to skate with. I’ve had this one for the last three years anyway and it’s looking pretty bumbish at this point.” I joked and picked up my Beauty And The Beast board.
“Do you think that this one will be Rush themed? That would be really cool and it would suit you in some degree. Your a misfit and they are the band for misfits.” I smiled softly at the support that my best friend had always given me to pursue my interests.
“It would be amazing if that’s what he came out with but at this point I have no idea since he wants for it to be a surprise. You’ve had your board for even longer than I’ve had mine. When are you going to trade up?” I teased lightly and he just gasped playfully at me clutching his board tighter to him as if I would wretch it from his hands.
“I would never give up my baby like that.” I rolled my ruby eyes playfully at him shaking my head at his ridiculousness.
“Fine, be an overdramatic baby for all I care. I’m just trying to be useful.” Miya looked at me with a small smile on his face lightly leaning against my side.
“You are useful Sakura. This isn’t about that at all it’s about you trying to just make small talk. You only do that with me when you’re really nervous about something and you don’t want to talk about your feelings because they’re too big for you to handle.” I looked down at my high top sneakers not expecting to have woken up this morning to be totally called out.
“You want to tell me what’s really wrong with you? If you don’t want to tell me then that’s fine. You’ll tell me eventually and I don’t want to start a fight with you today.” Miya argued and I felt the color drain from my face.
“It’s just, there’s this person that I really like. But at the same time I feel like I have to push myself to feel like I’m worthy of them. Because why would somebody as incredible as they are want to be with somebody like me?” My best friend slowly stopped walking next to me and I turned around to look at him.
“It’s Kayla, isn’t it?” In my head, my brain was laughing hysterically. Kayla was one of my friends that I had met through band, she was an electric guitarist and I was a bass guitarist. I basically saw her as the Alex Lifeson to my Geddy Lee so to me this was the funniest shit ever at three in the morning.
“You don’t know them, it’s not Kayla. Geez, she’s basically my sister don’t be gross. I met them in my art class.” I lied through my teeth and Miya looked at me with one skeptically raised eyebrow. I had always sucked at lying to my best friend.
“But you flirt with Kayla all the time…” I cocked my head to the side thinking about the relationship that I had with my friend from my band class.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about she’s basically the Alex to my Geddy.” My best friend caught up to me and I could see the sprinkles of doubt in those eyes that I held so dearly.
“Don’t they flirt too even though they’re both straight?” I laughed at my best friend bumping my hip with his.
“Well they’re mostly just a super open friendship where they can admit that they love each other than insist that one of them is an idiot five seconds later. Seriously, you don’t know them. I never talk about them with you because I thought that you would mock me for it. They’re a cartoonist in my art class that I’m taking.” Miya sighed heavily running a hand through his dark black hair with a small frown on his face.
“What’s their name?” His voice took on that sad tone that I knew all too well when he would talk about his own parents.
“It’s Jacob. He’s a transfer student from America.” It wasn’t a complete lie, there was a transfer student in my art class who was from America. However, I had barely talked with apart from acknowledging that we were both interested in the same types of art. Due to my just in general social awkwardness it was rare for me to talk to anybody other than Kayla or Miya. I only talked with Kayla because she talked with me first when she realized that I was playing Fly By Night.
“You told me a little bit about him, he draws the superheroes right? I think you should go for it Sakura. Anybody in the whole world would be lucky to call you their girlfriend. Do you know if he likes Rush? I happen to know for a fact that not liking Rush is a relationship deal breaker for you.” I couldn’t help but laugh at my best friend.
“It is not a relationship deal breaker for me! It’s just something that I look for. I love music and I like to talk about it probably way more than I should. But that’s only because the two friends that I have were adamant about either getting into it or already knew it when I met them. I don’t know if he knows Rush. I don’t know a lot about him. It’s mostly a crush from afar and I don’t know how to talk to him.” Miya just looked at me skeptically.
“Sakura Nanjo, the most popular girl in our middle school class, voted kindest girl, doesn’t know how to talk to somebody? Not buying it.” He mentioned as an afterthought and I sighed heavily pulling my hood up past my pink hair.
“Well better start buying it, I’m socially awkward at the best of times. I’m just nice there’s nothing really all that special or unique about being nice.” My best friend stopped walking and looked over at me thumbing over my cheeks.
“Just try talking to him about what he’s interested in. I know that you can do it Sakura. I feel like the two of you will have a lot in common. Do you want to talk about something else?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. Miya supported his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.
“Yes please.” My best friend got out his phone so that he could show me something that he had found to make me laugh.
“Do you remember when I told you that my old friend was starting to talk to me again? He hasn’t been on a board in over three years and this is what happened.” I laughed softly at the image in front of me at the boy that my best friend had told me had hurt him so badly in the past.
“How is that going by the way? I’m really happy that you managed to make a friend other than little ol me.” I teased lightly pinching his cheek and he just swatted my hand away playfully hissing at me like a small cat.
“Don’t discredit yourself Sakura. You’re an amazing best friend who changed everything for me. I know that you wanted to make better friends with Kayla due to your shared love of a certain progressive rock band that basically stole your heart. It’s actually going good, he’s coming out today to watch us skate.” I smiled softly at my best friend who had been there for me pretty much since he met me.
“I’m glad to see that he’s trying. I know that what he said and did really hurt you even if you didn’t talk about it with me a lot of the time. I got used to it eventually and knew that you’d come to me whenever you had problems that you needed to talk about.” I reminded him lightly and he just snuggled against my side with a small smile on his face.
“Your forgetting, I’m friends with you because you make good food and you have good taste in music.” I rolled my eyes lightly with a fond chuckle.
“Well nice to know that you’re best friends with me because of my wonderful personality you piece of shit.” I ruffled his black hair the familiar feeling of the soft strands wanted to make me bury my hands in there and just never leave.
“Nah your personality is hot garbage and you yell a lot I think I’m good.” He hugged me even tighter to him and I smiled sadly at him.
“I know I get frustrated and yell a lot. Especially at Haru. I wonder if he blames me for it.” Miya just stopped walking and officially hugged me for the first time that day. He had grown a solid four inches taller than me within the last couple of months and was now able to rest his chin on my head.
“I don’t think that your brother blames you for it in the slightest. I think that he’s just going through a lot and won’t accept help from anybody other than himself. He struggles a lot with the transitioning period and I did research and saw that a lot of people who are transitioning especially as harshly as he is that they struggle with depression, body dysphoria, and anxiety.” I nodded my head with a sad smile on my face thinking all that my brother had to struggle with.
“Why did you look that up?” I asked him and he just thumbed a lock of my pink hair into my braid with a small smile on his face.
“Because he’s your brother and I wanted to know what he was going through so that I could better help you. You’re a really touch affectionate type of person and I think that also makes him just the smallest bit uncomfortable. I was just teasing you when I told you that you yelled a lot. It’s not a bad thing to get annoyed and start yelling. Your mom does the same thing so it’s genetic probably just like his anxiety is for you.” I sighed because he just had to go and try to make this situation logical. I couldn’t help but smile softly at my best friend as he supported me throughout everything. He was always there when I needed for him to be to remind me that I hadn’t messed up too poorly with my brother.
“I don’t mean to get mad at him, I just want to help. But he won’t even let me help him at all… I don’t know what he’s thinking or why he’s doing what he’s doing. We used to be so close and I don’t know when it happened. When he went too far for me to keep up with him.” Miya just pulled back from the hug cupping my cheeks in his warmed gloved palms.
“I know that you just want to help and that you’re scared of one day him not needing you anymore. He might be experiencing self doubt and gender envy because you weren’t humiliated with the body that you have like he was. How did he come out to you again?” I closed my eyes at the familiar memory. It had been just a normal day for me running the restaurant and making sure that people left with full bellies and happy hearts.
“I had been making the bread for that day’s restaurant service. He came out to me first and he just asked me if I ever felt like I wanted to be a boy instead of a girl. I told him no but if he felt that way than I would encourage him. I’ve always just wanted to support him and have him be the best person that he could ever dream to be. But sometimes that’s easier said than done.” Miya put his arm supportively around my shoulders.
“He’ll come to you if he ever needs your help. He probably thinks that asking for help isn’t the “man” thing to do. It wouldn’t surprise me if your idiot brother was getting too sucked into his own head or if he was just sad about something in particular. Has he had a crush lately and been turned down?” I shook my head because as far as I knew my brother had never felt that way about anything. It wouldn’t surprise me if he came out to me again as aroace and told me that he wasn’t interested in relationships at all.
“Not that I know about, he’s always thought that my random crushes that last for like a week were super dumb. He used to tease me all the time about it when we were younger but he hasn’t lately. I’m sure that he’ll come to me when he wants to talk. It wouldn’t surprise me if mom just forces him to talk to us. He hasn’t been talking to him at all either as far as I know.” Miya leaned his dark head against my bright pink hoodie sleeve.
“Well maybe then it’s just something else and he’ll come to you when he feels ready Sakura. You can’t force your brother to talk to you it’s something that he needs to do whenever he feels ready.” He reminded me and I sighed a little bit.
“I know that already. It’s just that I worry about him even though I know that Haru is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Maybe he’s just been hyper-focused on today more so than you or I.” I still had no idea what my brother was planning on skating to but I knew that he was going to amaze everybody with his rod actual talent.
“You’ve been practicing a lot lately to, more than normal. What’s going on inside that big brain of yours?” He asked me and I shrugged my shoulders trying to maintain my usual picture of nonchalance that I was used to.
“No particular reason I just love boarding that’s all. Making up for last time since I haven’t been able to skateboard for nearly as long as you or Haru has been able to. I’m able to skate because of you and I don’t think that I ever truly thanked you. Thank you Miya.” I thanked my best friend and he just smiled brightly at me.
“I didn’t do really much of anything I just taught you everything that I knew. You were a really fast learner and even learned how to ollie in record time. You mastered that within a month and it was amazing to finally see you soar high above everything else.” I smiled softly at the boy that had come into my life and taught me everything that I would need to know about freestyle skateboarding. The life of a skateboarder was something that I never knew that I would be able to have.
“That’s just because before I actually got on a board I knew all about the mechanics of how it all worked. I’m a natural fast learner but I took to boarding like a fish to water once I was finally able to with these bad boys.” I gestured to my skateboard that I was carrying and I smiled softly at the design. Reki had talked to me about getting the training wheels off of my board so that I could be able to skate like everybody else for the performance today. It was going to be my second surprise for Miya by the end of the day.
“Well yeah you kind of did go above and beyond. Was that for Haru when he was younger?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face.
“It was. Skating has always been his special interest of choice and I was encouraging of it from a young age I just wanted him to be happy. It’s probably going to take a few years for him to be really genuinely happy but that’s still all I want for my brother.” Miya just sighed a little bit running a hand through his black hair.
“Can I come over for breakfast? My parents are having one of their let’s pretend that I don’t exist phases.” I nodded my head looping my arm around my best friend’s shoulders pulling him in closer to my side knowing that was what he needed.
“Course, you don’t need to ask if you can come over for breakfast. My parents are better than yours anyways. You’d think that they’d be more encouraging because you’ve got a big day today. Do they not want you to board anymore or something?” I asked him quizzically and he just shrugged his shoulders with a small sigh.
“Who the fuck knows anymore what my parents want for me to do. At this point I just do whatever and let them deal with the consequences. They’re not going to stop me from boarding even if this doesn’t work out. I think part of it was because they didn’t agree with how I’m doing today’s skate. They told me that I should take it more seriously.” My best friend sighed kicking a rock with his boot clad foot and I could tell that the talk that he had with his parents had gotten to him in some way.
“Did they find out what you were doing before even I did?!” Miya just chuckled softly at me shaking his head at me.
“I told them like an idiot what I had planned to do when they asked. Do your parents not know?” I shook my head making a fifty fifty hand motion.
“I’m sure that they have some idea that it’ll be to Rush since I can’t not skate to them but they haven’t specifically asked me what I’m doing yet.” My best friend just smiled softly at me keeping his head perched on my shoulder.
“What do you want for breakfast?” I asked him and he hummed a little bit from where he was rested against me.
“Frittata maybe?” I nodded my head since that was the perfect weekend brunch breakfast for when we had company over.
“Might have to stop at the grocery store then. I’m not sure that I have everything that I need to do for that. What kind of sides do you want? Fruit salad?” He nodded his head and I heard a soft mutter of house potatoes against my shoulder.
“You got it hun, come on. Let’s race to the store.” I got a head start on my board and heard the call of hey that’s not fair coming up from behind me as I started my playlist again. Trees was one of my favorite Rush songs because it was calming but at the same time energizing and invigorating. I saw the store up ahead and I rounded the corner seeing Miya coming up just behind me and he quickly cut me off just before I got there.
“You son of a bitch I was literally so close…” I whined getting out my phone and seeing that my mom had texted me.
Mom: Darling, your father wants to know if you are still making breakfast. There isn’t a whole lot of food at the house and considering that you are already out for the morning could you please do the weekly shopping for us? I’ll pay you back and then some. I smiled softly tilting my phone up and taking a screenshot of the market.
Me: Already here mom! Miya is coming back with me for breakfast today. He wants a frittata, home fries and I might make a watermelon salad. Miya just smirked a little bit at me seeing that I was texting my mom.
“Is it okay with Cherry that I come with you?” I smiled softly shaking my head at my best friend running a hand through my fringe.
“Of course it is, I don’t even need to ask him anymore. He already treats you like you’re his second son. Come on dummy, let’s get the shopping done.” I lightly hit his shoulder in retaliation for saying such a stupid and ridiculous thing.
“Do you want watermelon salad? It’s watermelon season so if you want that I can make that.” He nodded his head and I grabbed a cart quickly wiping it down.
“This might take a little while since I have to do the weekly shopping. Did you bring your switch?” He nodded his head and I saw the familiar red and blue portable gaming console in his hands.
“What kind of protein do you want in your frittata?” I asked my best friend and he handed me thick cut bacon and I couldn’t help but smile at him.
“But bacon makes you fat Miya…” I lightly teased and he just rolled his eyes at me with a small smirk holding the item way too far over my head.
“I like the way that you make it. You can make just about anything and I’ll eat it and then some. I’m not the same skinny kid that I used to be.” My heart melted and I couldn’t help but smile at my childhood friend.
“I know babe, I’m just messing with you. I’m sorry if that joke was a step too far. Come on, help me pick out a watermelon. Remember the way that I taught you?” He nodded his head and led me over to the summer fruit as he rapped his knuckle light on top of it.
“This one sounds good.” He handed me the big fruit and I lightly tapped it hearing the juicy sound and I nodded my head.
“Good find, I just need cucumber and then some feta for my watermelon salad! I have all the herbs at home in our kitchen garden.” My dad insisted on growing his own spices for the restaurant so we had a small greenhouse in our kitchen.
“Do you want anything else in your breakfast?” I asked the boy and he went off to the vegetables coming back with mushrooms, spinach and grape tomatoes. He also did me a favor and grabbed me some potatoes and onions.
“Good job! This will be delicious, come on, now to do the rest of the weekly shopping. I’ll also stop at the bakery for some fresh bread. I didn’t have enough time to make any lately. I know it’s not the same as mine though…” I whined and my best friend put his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.
“It’s fine if you didn’t have enough time to bake lately. Baking bread takes a lot of time but the bakery stuff is still delicious. There’s just something special about your bread specifically that I love. Probably because it comes from you and I love you.” I felt my cheeks flush a bright pink as I just pushed the cart ahead of me. I checked my phone seeing that my mom had sent me a list and I quickly took care of everything that was on it.
“That’s everything, we can head to the bakery and then home James.” I joked and my best friend just smiled softly at me. When we checked out he took the heaviest bags as per the usual before I could even stop him.
“I can carry stuff on my own I hope you know.” I reminded him and he just picked up his board putting his hoodie down his inky black hair all in disarray from being inside of his hoodie for so long.
“I know that you can it’s just that you don’t need to carry it. I want to be useful to you and this is the only way that I can think of to be helpful.” He wants to be useful to me? Just like I want to be useful to him? Why was I having a hard time believing that.
“Fine do what you want but I can help you carry that watermelon. It has to be heavy.” He shook his head at me balancing it on one arm.
“I have been trying to bulk up a bit more mostly to get better at skating. Not like your dad or anything he’s a bit ridiculous.” I laughed at the idea of Miya looking anything like my dad shaking that image from my head.
“I think he’s the only one who could pull off the muscly himbo aesthetic. I love my dad he’s the best but that is not my type. It’s just my mom’s type.” I laughed a little bit at the idea of the two of them together walking down the road next to one of the most important people in my life.
“I admire both of your parents in very different ways. They’re both amazing people and they raised two of the most amazing kids possible despite the fact that they were working and boarding the entire time.” I smiled softly since a lot of people didn’t give my parents the credit that they deserved for raising my brother and me.
“You’re right and you should say it louder for the people in the back. Did you catch the last episode of Demon Slayer?” I had gotten him hooked on the demon hunting anime and he nodded his head with a bright smile on his face.
“It was really, really awesome. It’s such a good show! It’s kind of like if FullMetal was about demons instead of about science.” I snapped my fingers with a bright smile on my face. My best friend was always really good at noticing the similarities of certain things. Especially manga and anime.
“Especially when you consider the fact that they both were manga’s made by biological women! Even though Gotogue identifies as nonbinary. I still think it’s wicked awesome! More people other than men writing manga we love to see it.” I joked and my best friend just laughed a little bit for my bad joke. Talking about everything and nothing was always easy with Miya. I loved hearing his opinions about the things that had captured my interest. Whether that be a Rush song, a chapter of manga that I was obsessing over, a show that had stolen my heart I introduced them all to him and he always listened to me. It was one of those things that I loved about him the most.
“I mostly just started it because you were so passionate about it. That’s pretty much why I get interested in anything these days other than boarding.” I felt my cheeks color a bright pink as I walked next to the boy that had stolen my heart with one single look of his sea green eyes against my ruby ones.
“Wh-What?” I stuttered out in surprise and he just sighed a little bit looking out at the world around him. He shook his head with a small smile on his face rubbing the back of his neck.
“Don’t worry about it Sakura, it’s nothing. I promise you I’m fine I guess I’m just really getting hungry.” I laughed a little bit at him since that made all the sense in the world. I waved him behind me as he walked.
“The bakery where I buy the bread for the upstairs is this way. It’s the closest thing that is to my baking but mom usually won’t let me bake the bread that we eat. He told me once that it was too much work for me to be doing simply for our family to eat when it’s just as good from a local bakery. And it’s supporting a small business which he’s always encouraged.” He took my hand in his and I felt my face flush a flaming bright pink so grateful that he was behind me and couldn’t see it.
“Your bread does take you forever to make but that’s why I love to keep you company while you’re making it after school.” I couldn’t help but grin at the memory of him sitting at the bar while I worked on making the bread for he customers that night. When he was first getting into Rush I would play individually because that’s how I got interested in them. Then I started to play his favorites. Those early days of him simply sitting there and enjoying my music were ones that I looked back on with fondness.
“That’s why dad told me that I should just work Monday’s on bread and that I should make four times the recipe so that he could bake it throughout the week keeping it fresh. He also decided that he should give out much smaller baskets.” Miya squeezed my hand softly as I stopped in front of a traffic light and I looked ahead of me.
“Can we get a fruit tart as well?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I knew that my dad was planning on baking strawberry shortcake tonight but my best friend loved fruit tarts and he was nearly impossible for me to say no to.
“You can pick it out while I’m doing my bread thing okay?” I held the door open for him since I was ahead of my best friend and he instantly went rushing for the bakery case. I went over to the bread with a small smile at him taking a picture of the bright smile that was on my best friend’s face texting it to my mom.
Me: We’re at the bakery now! He’s getting a fruit tart for our dessert for brunch. I know that dad promised a strawberry shortcake but we’ll get plenty of exercise today. My mom sent me back a series of teary eyed emojis.
Mom: Have you asked him out yet or will that be done later? I felt a trickle of panic go sousing through me.
Me: How did you know that I was planning on asking him out?!
Mom: Sweetie, I’m your mother I know these things. I know that you are terrified of losing him but you won’t and he’ll still love you no matter what.That boy has been enamored with you since he was a smart mouthed 11 year old. I put my phone away so that my best friend would be no wiser as to what I was talking about with my mom. I grabbed the bread that I wanted three loaves of it and went up to pay for it at the front counter while my best friend was staring at the pastries.
“Do you want cream puffs or fruit tart?” I asked my best friend and he pointed to the nectarine fruit tart. I smiled softly at him nuzzling against him.
“Can I have the nectarine fruit tart please?” The worker smiled softly at the two of us and wrapped up the tart that I wanted.
“Of course! You’re both extremely cute together. It’s nice to see young lovers together.” I felt my cheeks flush a bright pink and I wanted to protest.
“We’re just friends ma’am it’s cute though that you would think that we were dating.” Miya explained a little bit to her. The woman’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she sputtered out apologizes.
“No worries we get that a lot but I’m just super clingy with her. I can’t help it, if you were my age wouldn’t you be?” I felt my cheeks stain a bright pink color but I couldn’t help but positively melt under the affection of my best friend.
“There you cuties go! Good luck today!” She encouraged the two of us and I picked up the tart Miya picking up my bread and putting it into his bags from the grocery store.
“Have a nice day!” I waved to the bakery owner with a bright smile on my face. Miya looked over at me and I cocked my head to the side.
“What’s up?” I asked him and he looked at the hair that I had tied back into a braid on my left side of my face.
“Your hair is getting longer, I was just noticing how beautiful it looked in this lighting. I think that it just looked really pretty and I wanted to tell you how pretty it looked.” I flushed a bright pink lightly shoving my best friend’s side little bit.
“Stop it you big flirt, you’ve been hanging out with my dad too much it’s starting to mess with your brain.” I mocked and he just sighed a little bit looking at me with one black raised eyebrow at me.
“I’m being genuine that’s not being flirty Sakura. Your dad’s compliments to your mom are always genuine.” I looked down at my sneakers that I had put on earlier. I didn’t know what to do whenever Miya flirted with me because it was a rare occurrence but whenever it did happen I wound up wanting to both treasure the moments and bury myself into a hole.
“I never know what to do when you flirt with me hun it’s so embarrassing…” Miya laughed at me a little bit poking lightly at my cheek.
“That’s why I do it to see how you react. Do you think that you can help me study for the history exam tomorrow?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I always helped him to study for tests whenever he asked me.
“Of course, you don’t even have to ask me I always will. History is one of my better subjects too. I might not be a very gifted writer or calligrapher like my brother but he sucks at history.” My best friend laughed openly at my bickering relationship with my younger brother by five minutes.
“You both have your strengths and weaknesses. It’s why it’s fascinating being friends with both of you since are so different.” I smiled softly at my best friend as I walked next to him. The walk back home was spent in comfortable silence. Miya was one of the few people that I didn’t need to talk to in order to feel comfortable with him. He held the door open to Sia De Luce for me and I smiled up at my best friend.
“Thank you, alright time to make the grub for the fam.” We walked up the stairs together and I heard my family talking from the kitchen.
“We’re back and I’ve brought the other slacker!” I toed off my sneakers and Miya muttered softly I am not a slacker causing me to laugh and ruffle his dark hair.
“You did help me to carry the groceries that’s more than Haru.” I teased lightly hearing my brother’s call from the kitchen table.
“I carry the freaking groceries!” He fought back at me and I put the food items that I would need for my breakfast. “Morning beautiful flower.” My dad kissed my forehead standing above me to get mugs for coffee. My mom hugged me with a small smile on his face.
“Morning sweetheart, hello there Miya.” My mom waved to our shirt member of the family who was relaxing on the couch.
“Hi Kaoru, thank you for having me.” My mom kissed his forehead lightly with a small smile on his face. My dad made his coffee and brought it over to him with a gentle kiss.
“Of course it’s always nice to have you over. Did your parents and you get into another fight?” Miya leant against my mom’s side when he put his arm around his shoulder’s.
“Yeah they’re not a fan of me right about now. I stupidly told them that I was skating to music when they asked me what I was planning. So it’s been a lot of fighting with them lately. I wanted to stay away from them this morning so it was lucky running into Sakura.” I smiled softly at my best friend getting a mug of hot chocolate to my best friend on the coach.
“It’s not your fault that you told them what you were thinking about doing. If anything it’s your parents fault for getting pissed at you for no reason. I skated to music all the time when I was your age. It’s how I got into Rush.” My dad reasoned sitting next to my mom as he leaned his head against my dad’s shoulder. I went over to my brother to make sure that he got more sleep.
“Did you go back to sleep Haru?” I asked him looking at my brother to make sure that he was telling me the truth.
“I did don’t worry about me. I’ll be able to skate perfectly fine without falling off of my board.” I smiled softly at my brother ladling him up some hot chocolate and adding the fresh whip cream and cinnamon on top just the way that he liked it when he wanted to spoil himself.
“I was just making sure hun because you looked pretty ragged when I ran into you this morning. Are you… okay? You know that you can talk to me if you ever need to. I’m here for you.” I squeezed his shoulder and he looked down his green curls in front of his face.
“I’ve just been going through a lot on my own and I don’t need any help with it. I can handle shit on my own.” He went up and went over to the living room and I buried my head in my hands feeling tears come to the corners of my eyes. What was I doing wrong? Why couldn’t I be a better older sister? One that he can trust and lean on. I heard a soft pitter-patter of footsteps and a warm arm go around my shoulders as I was pulled into my mother’s side.
“Carla, play Sakura’s Best Of Rush Playlist on shuffle.” He told the AI that we kept on the table when he wasn’t skating.
“Of course master, playing Sakura’s Best of sparkle Rush sparkle Playlist.” I couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the fact that the AI pronounced the emojis instead of just leaving them out like anybody else would.
“Your brother does love you Sakura. It’s just that you know that he needs to figure things out on his own sometimes. He wants you to be proud of him. That has always been the goal that he strives for. That’s why he’s been pushing himself so hard lately. He wanted you to be proud of him today that’s why he shut himself off from you. He has also just started taking T on the doctor’s requirements and she warned him that it could make him become irritable and moody. I assume that he’s taking it out on you because you don’t hate your body the way that he does. I’d recommend just letting him work through his issues and remember that he does love you. I love you Sakura. You’ve made me very proud of you not just today but everyday.” He reminded me lightly thumbing over my nose with a small smile on his face. I closed my eyes at the feeling of my favorite band coming over me.
“I know but he told me that he would try not to get angry at me for no reason because he knows that I’ll wind up fearing that it something that I had done.” He kissed my forehead with a small smile on his face thumbing over my knuckles.
“Just wait until you see him skate today and the decide whether or not your brother hates you okay? Do you need anything from me?” I shook my head and Miya peaked his head into the kitchen pressing his index fingers together lightly.
“Can I keep you company Sakura?” I looked at my best friend skeptically wondering if he had heard the conversation between my brother and I from the living room.
“I think that’s a lovely idea Miya. I am going to try and talk to my wayward son and help him figure out why he’s so angry.” I stood up from the kitchen chair that I was sitting on and my best friend took my hand in his pulling me into a tight hug.
“He’s not mad at you Sakura, it’s just an alternative reaction from the T…” He reminded me the same thing that my mom had just told me.
“But what if he is mad at me? He has every right to be if he is angry at something that I did. I’ve messed up so many times, I always yell at him when he’s had a bad day, I’m a bad sister…” Miya just lightly shushed me hugging me even closer to me.
“You are not a bad sister. You’re the best sister in the entire world and Haru couldn’t have thought of a better one even if he wanted to. He loves you it’s just the hormones that he’s adjusting to getting him into a bad spot and a serious case of gender envy. Didn’t he recently get onto the boys basketball team for high school?” I nodded my head and my best friend just rubbed soothing motions into my back with a small smile on his face.
“Then that would explain some things, he’s around biological males all the time now and he’s getting all pissy because he wants to be one so badly. But he knows that he isn’t hence the gender envy thing. He’ll apologize to you in his own special way and it’ll remind you that your brother always has your back.” Miya pulled back from the hug drying my tears with the pads of his fingers lightly. He got me a cup of hot chocolate putting whip and rainbow sprinkles on it.
“Here you go take some deep breaths for me…” He handed me the cup and I followed his instructions taking deep breaths and the warmth of the drink calmed me down instantly.
“What’s first on the itinerary, is it chopping the watermelon? I want to do it!” He exclaimed and I looked at my best friend as he cut into the water melon getting all of it off of the rind.
“Want one?” He asked me stuffing a piece of it into his mouth and the watermelon rind made it into a smile. I couldn’t help but laugh at him as I took my own slice and made my own smile with it.
“I’ll start cutting the vegetables and frying the bacon for the frittata.” My best friend told Carla to turn up the music as he tapped his foot to the familiar drum solo on Limelight his favorite song. I got out a pan and sheeted the bacon on top of it. My dad came into the kitchen and smiled softly at the two of us.
“I was going to see if you needed any help flower but you seem to have everything handled.” He leaned against the kitchen counter and I looked up at him.
“I’ve got it Kojiro, thank you though. I’ll take good care of her.” My dad fluffed Miya’s hair and got the familiar batting away that my best friend gave to him.
“You always do kid that’s why you’re the only guy I’ve ever let hang around my daughter.” I flushed a bright pink and my dad just smirked at me winking in my general direction on his way out.
“Sakura? You okay?” I nodded my head with a nervous smile on my face dusting my shorts around my leggings.
“I’m fine, just my dad being an idiot again. He’s exhausting…” He laughed at me openly his sea green eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.
“Does he really do that with every other boy that comes to the restaurant?” I nodded my head because so many people from my class had come to ask me out. Before I even told them that I wasn’t romantically available my dad would give them the shovel talk and the kick your ass out the door treatment.
“You have no idea he has done it so many times that it’s honestly one of the most annoying things that he does. You wouldn’t believe me I told you and I don’t have any videos. Haru has all of those.” Miya instantly texted my brother and he got several videos back.
“I will definitely be watching those later with a bowl of popcorn.” I sighed heavily. This was the boy that I had decided that I wanted to be good enough for and that I was proving myself for.
“Who’s side are you on here?!” I asked him exasperatedly and he just laughed openly at me lightly hip checking me.
“The side that makes the most jokes at your expense that’s what side I’m on.” I rolled my eyes heavily at my best friend.
“Fine be that way asshole…” Miya looked at me with a worrying expression on his face. He put his arm around my shoulders comfortingly.
“You only call me an asshole when you’re in a bad mood and I push it too far. Do you think that you’re going to be alright? For skating today?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I heard probably one of my favorite songs from the synthesizer era of Rush and I lightly closed my eyes just letting Geddy’s voice wash over me.
“I’ll be fine thank you for worrying about me though. I know that I can handle this. I’m stressed out and worried about Haru but I think that eventually I’ll make it through. He’ll come to me when he needs me and I’ll try my best to be a good listener and the best older sister that I can.” Miya leaned his head against my shoulder and carefully cubbed the watermelon so that it would fit into the salad slicing the rest into a Tupperware for later use. “
That’s my girl.” I couldn’t help but smile softly past the high blush on my cheeks ignoring the feeling of heartbreak in my chest that reminded me that I wasn’t his anything. I just minced the vegetables in companionable silence with my best friend not sure what to talk about at the moment. I just wanted to enjoy the silence.
“What are your plans for the summer?” Miya asked me and I brushed a lock of pink hair behind my ear with a small smile.
“I have no idea really other than probably seeing you every day because you never leave me alone. I’ll also probably jam with Kayla a lot as well. Other than that we’re not going anywhere special. Last year was a rare occasion.” Last year my family had gone to Italy for a good chunk of our summer break. Miya had whined about it the entire time leading up to the trip.
“That’s good, I was super lonely when you were gone. I know that you had a great time with your family and I didn’t want to stop you from having fun with your family. I just didn’t know what to do with myself.” I smiled softly at my best friend at the fact that I had made such a big impact on his life that he got like this whenever I needed to leave for any length of time.
“Other than the usual festivals and things like that we’re not doing anything special. Trips to the beach as well!” I cheered at the idea of the yearly found family trip to the beach. I hadn’t seen a whole lot of Reki and Langa lately outside of when I visited Dope Sketch.
“Oh geez that’s right summer found family beach trips. Do I have to go? Whenever I do Reki always teases me and I hate it…” I fluffed the back of my best friend’s dark hair with a small smile on my face.
“He only does that because he loves you and he likes to get under your skin Miya. It’s in his nature to be teasing, he does it with me too in case you’ve forgotten. It’s impossible to get away from teasing Reki Kyan.” My best friend sighed muttering fine that he would come and it made me smile that I had managed to convince him.
“Good, now can you hand me the eggs? You’re closer to the fridge than I am.” He handed me the eggs carefully and I cracked the amount that I wanted into the bowl also adding the half n half, bacon that was crispy, and vegetables into the frittata pan.
“Can I ask you something? Do you think that you’re going to do band club again after break?” I nodded my head since I had gotten my offer to come back the other day.
“I got the offer to come back so I’m going to keep coming back as long as they need a bass player and they want for it to be me. I had fun there this last semester. I know that you were waiting there for me until it was all over but you don’t need to do that.” He thumbed the corner of my nose lightly booping it and I just pouted at him.
“I wanted to wait for you and I’m going to continue to do so every day after school. My parents couldn’t care less about me right now and I’d rather wait to spend time with the person who means more to me than anybody else than go home and be ignored.” My heart squeezed at the admission and I looked down at my Disney themed socks nervously.
“Thank you for that. I know that it took a lot of guts to tell me all of that but you’re getting better at being honest about what you’re going through. At least better than me. I’m still trying to shoulder the world and only relying on people when I have to.” Miya just smiled softly at me helping me to pour the egg mixture into the baking pan that I would need cutting the cheese and putting the cubes into the eggs. When the oven dinged he carried the pan over to the oven and scheduled the practiced cooking time.
“I think that you’ve gotten a lot better at taking breaks than when I met you a few years ago. You’re working out the kinks in your problems. Hey it’s Presto!” He cheered with a bright smile on his face and I hummed the familiar tune that I had grown up hearing.
“What a fool I was for you!” I sang along with the iconic lyrics of the song thinking about about how true they really were when it came to my best friend.
“These are some of my favorite lyrics of Neil’s…” He wrapped his arms around my waist resting his chin on my head.
“I love it too, they are really pretty. You comfortable up there?” I asked my best friend who pressed a kiss to the top of my forehead watching the flush down my cheeks.
“Yes I am your hair is a great pillow. It’s insanely soft…” I felt the blush start to travel from my cheeks on downwards and I just shook my head at his ridiculousness. I was used to the goofiness that my best friend exuded and how tactile he was. Once he learned that hugs, cuddles, and just genuine affection were basically considered normal I became attached to his hip.
“Hey Sakura, do you think that you would ever go out with me?” I froze instantly looking up at him feeling my heart lurch at the idea that we were having this talk now when my dad crashed into the room.
“Hope I’m not interrupting anything!!” Miya leapt away from my hair and where he had been clinging onto me and I sent my dad my death glare.
"N-Nope we’re totally fine.” He squeaked and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit at him as I chopped the potatoes.
“Have you had any cocoa yet Miya?” I asked him getting a mug for my best friend as he shook his head and I ladled him up a mug topping it with whip cream.
“Anything else?” He reached for the purple sugar dust and I couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at him. Some things would never change, like the fact that he preferred his foods in childish colors. His favorite being the childish purple.
“That’s so good…” He sighed with a small smile on his face. He put his mug next to mine lightly clinking it.
“My dad makes it the best, I’m still learning how to make the perfect hot cocoa. We’ll continue that talk later you asshole. I can’t believe you sometimes. I was going to tell you something after you got onto the Japanese Nationals team and I tried out for it. It’s something that I’ve kept inside of me for a really long time.” He squeezed my hand with a small smile on his face. My favorite of his smiles. The one that was reverence and comfort, it was days spent watching Disney movies as he helped me to pass a level on Pokémon.
“Are you gong to profess your undying love for me?” He teased lightly and I felt the colors go across my cheeks looking down at my socks. Oh you absolute adorable dumbass, you have no idea how much I love you. I just hope that you don’t hate me by the end of the day. The song changed to one that always made me want to sing along with. It was the song that my parents danced to at their wedding when they renewed their vows a few years ago, Closer To Your Heart the lines etched around their ring fingers in tattoos. My dad bolted out of the room probably to go and find my mom and my heart warmed when I saw them dancing in our living room.
“I love them so much…” Miya muttered and I smiled softly at my best friend leaning against his side. I got out my phone so that I could take a video of my dad spinning my mom around.
“They’re the best parents that I could have ever wished to get. They’re basically your parents too since yours suck ass.” He just laughed at me putting his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.
“I’d rather them just be my uncles thanks. That would be creepy. As much as I joked a few years ago about them being my mom and dad. Mine are okay it’s just that I wish that they took the time to know me more than they actually do.” I smiled lovingly at my best friend running my finger around the bridge of his nose booping it lightly. I watched his sea green eyes widened in surprise at the sudden attack when he just laughed at me.
“You can’t sneak up on me like that!” He whined and I laughed at him swatting him with my spatula that had used to cook the vegetables for the frittata.
“You do it to me all the time!” I fought back and he just cackled with laughter, that delicious sound that always lit me up from the inside.
“That’s because you’re usually spacing out when I do it and that’s the only way to possibly bring you back.” He reminded me and I sighed running a hand through my hair with a small smile on my face. These were the moments when I was reminded of how lucky I was. I got to have two amazing parents that loved me and were proud of me at every moment, an amazing brother even if he didn’t want me to help him out, and most of all the most incredible person in the world to call my best friend. Throughout every changing whirlwind Miya was there for me so that I would make it through okay. I was so grateful for him at every turn that he was there for me with a lightly teasing remark.
“I’m sorry about what I said Saki…” My brother’s voice brought the two of us out of bickering match that we had fallen into and I looked over at him with red-rimmed eyes. I knew that my brother was genuinely sorry about what he had said to me and that he didn’t mean it in the long run. The use of my childhood nickname that he rarely used nowadays as a way of talking to me.
“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself for feeling this anger building up inside of me at every waking moment. The T has been making my emotions act up, it’s been keeping me up at night, that’s not an excuse. You deserve a better brother than me. That’s why I’m going to make you proud when I skate today. I’m not skating to a traditional skating song.” I blinked at him in confusion and he just shook his head with a small smirk on his face.
“That’s the only thing I’m telling you about my skate. You’re not getting anything else out of me and you’re going to have to just wait until this afternoon. I left my post for just a second to hug my brother tightly.
“It’s okay Haru. I know that you’re going through a lot right now that I couldn’t even begin to understand. You’re going to be okay though. You know why?” He shook his head against my shoulder and I just kissed his forehead gently.
“Because I’ll always be there for you. Even when you’re angry with me and you hate me I’ll still be there for you to support you and love you. I know that I yell at you a lot but it’s only because I care about you and I hate being left in the dark about what you’re going through. I’ll try to tone it down a thousand though.” He just laughed softly against my shoulder as I ran my hands through his hair with a small smile on my face.
“Carla, switch to my calming Smashing Pumpkins playlist.” I told the AI sitting on the other side of the counter as the music changed and I just lightly swayed with my brother.
“I love you Sakura. I could never, ever truly hate you. I might say so in a fit of rage against this medication that I’m on now but it will never be genuine.” Haru’s golden eyes looked at me and I saw the rawness and general vulnerability that he usually covered up.
“I know that you couldn’t it’s just that sometimes I hate myself because I feel like I should be a better sister…” He shook his head with a small laugh escaping him. He held me closer to him and I could feel the binder through his shirt.
“I think that I got really lucky. I got the best sister in the entire world. I could only ever love you Saki you’ve worked so hard to make everyone proud of you even if you rain yourself into the ground. I’ll always be here to help even if I can be a bit of a lazy ass when it comes to the restaurant business.” I squeezed my brother tightly. It had been so long since he had last hugged me this tightly and damn if I wan’t going to savor every second of it.
“I love you Haru, so much. You’re my brother and the only one that I’ve got and I want you to remember that I happen to believe that you’re perfect just the way that you are. I want you to remember this always that no matter what you’re older sister, by ten minutes, will always love you.” I threw in the age gap between the two of us to lighten the mood and he just scoffed at me a little bit with a teasing smile on his face.
“You might be older but just because you were born first doesn’t mean that you got all the brains or the good looks.” He joked and I lightly shoved his side with a small laugh looking over at Miya who was holding up his phone.
“I had to record that because you so often over analyze the hell out everything Sakura. This way you’ll have video evidence of your brother saying that he loved you, hugging you, and telling you that you were the perfect big sister.” I looked up at my best friend gratefully when my phone buzzed and I saw the video sitting there.
“Sakura… this is not your fault okay? You aren’t a bad sister just because I keep losing my temper. It’s my fault if anything and I’ve said so many mean things to you…” I lightly ruffled my brother’s curls with a small smile on my face.
“I’ve said just as many back to you, we’re siblings that doesn’t mean that we have to get along idiot. I was just over analyzing that you might hate me because I am constantly getting on your case about things that you don’t want to be doing.” He put his arm around my shoulders with a small smirk on his face. I sighed a little bit mentally smacking myself for ever thinking that my brother would hate me. I would do anything to keep my brother happy and healthy. Sometimes even at the expense of my own mental and emotional health.
“Things are going to get better between us. I can’t promise when they are going to be but I do know that they will eventually. It’s been a long hard road for both of us but one day I’ll be able to apologize and actually make it better with more than just words. Need any help?” I shook my head a light teasing glare coming from me.
“You’d just burn it, leave the cooking to the professionals.” I mocked and he sighed heavily muttering that it was just one time that he burned water.
“Once was enough for me to never trust you around a stove again. Now sit your ass down or get out.” Haru sighed before sitting at the table getting out his switch. Miya leaned against my side resting his cheek on my shoulder.
“That went well, don’t you think so?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. It had gone better than just about every situation I had played in my head.
“I do think so! I’m sorry for freaking out on you earlier. I think that slowly but surely we’ll get better.” He nodded his head with a small smile squeezing the hand that was getting a sheet pan out for the potatoes.
“This kind of thing doesn’t just wake up and one day it’s different you can get along now. I think you know that just doesn’t work. To have a good relationship it takes effort from both sides consistently.” I smiled sadly at my best friend thumbing his cheeks lightly.
“And now we’re talking about your parents. Do you want to talk about your parents?” He sighed heavily but I could tell that there were some things that he did want to get off of his chest.
“Mostly just that I wish they tried more like Kaoru and Kojiro. They are constantly working together to make sure that you two get along and that you’re both happy. It’s not an easy job but they’ve never complained about it even though they can bicker until the world burns itself out. I just wish that they talked to me more. Not talked at me.” I wound my arms around my best friend’s waist in a tight hug. I always hated his parents, true they’ve never liked me all that much either. Claimed that I was a bad influence on Miya and that I would make an awful girlfriend. True, what did they know? They didn’t even take the time to know their son.
“Sometimes they do disagree about big choices that they want to make about me or Haru. It’s just really, really rare. They have other things that they would much rather get into bickering arguments about. I love them but sometimes it does get annoying. I know that they love each other but when I used to watch sitcoms of loving families I wished that was me.” Miya just lightly laughed a little bit at me nuzzling my nose against his.
“Well you did get one sitcom parental unit as your parents, remember your love of the Dick Van Dyke show?” I laughed openly at the comparison nodding my head since yeah, that was accurate to how my parents were. Constantly playfully bickering with one another when it was obvious how much they worshiped one another and getting stuck in petty disagreements all the time before they made up faster than you could say what happened.
“I still love the DVD show okay, leave that man alone he’s a national treasure from the States.” My best friend just laughed openly at me rolling his sea green eyes at me.
“I caught her rewatching some of the episodes just the other day on her box set of all of them. I watched some of them with her even. That was fun.” Haru mentioned off handedly and I couldn’t help but grin at my brother.
“You’ll have to watch more with me at some point!” He nodded his head with a small smile on his face. The oven dinged and I took out the frittata. It looked perfectly made and smelt just as amazing. Miya looked at his favorite breakfast food nearly drooling and I lightly rapped his shoulder.
“Not yet, you have to let it cool. I already know what you’re thinking and it’s my job to talk you out of it.” Miya sighed pouting a little bit as I carried my potatoes over to the oven with a small smile on my face washing my hands one more time.
“It looks delicious Sakura. You really did come through for brunch yet again. I’m proud of you.” My mom doted on me and I couldn’t help but grin at him.
“I just did what I always do, I had to stop this one from digging in already.” My dad looked at the frittata with a smile.
“It looks amazing flower, great job. I can tell that you put a lot of love into this.” He told me and put his arm around my shoulders.
“Are you nervous about skating today love?” My mom asked me looking me over just making sure that my brother and I had patched things up.
“I’m not that nervous. It’s mostly just excited butterflies in my stomach than anything else. How about skater boy? How you doing?” I asked Miya and he just leaned his head against my side with a small smile on his face.
“I’m good, I’m looking forward to skating my heart out and doing my best. I’m not going to let what my parents and I have been fighting about get in the way of doing what I love.” He reminded me and I pounded his fist with my left hand.
“I hope that you bring your A-game Haru, I’m going to totally whip the floor with you.” He lightly threatened and I could see the spark of competition in my brother’s eyes.
“Oh it’s so on cat boi, you’re going down.” I sighed heavily shaking my head with a small smile on my face at my two favorite boys in my life.
“Save it for the competition, I can’t handle this much toxic masculinity in my life.” My mom lightly threatened and I couldn’t help but chuckle at the two of them. My dad carried the watermelon salad and frittata to the table.
“I already have to put up with the oaf gorilla I don’t need to deal with the two of you.” I smiled softly at the three of them shaking my head.
“I can’t help you mom, I’ve tried to get them to stop. They just constantly try and pick fights with each other. It’s the teenage boy in both of them.” Miya patted the seat next to him that I easily took without needing to think about it too hard.
“Well they can keep it to themselves or to the competition later.” He complained and I couldn’t help but laugh softly at my mom as the potatoes finished and my dad gave them our coveted fork test.
“These look good to go!! I’m proud of you two for getting breakfast ready, I thought that I would have to do it today.” Miya put an arm around my shoulders with a small smile of encouragement. He ran a soothing circle into my shoulder and I positively melted into the touch.
“I always make breakfast on the weekends, it’s part of my job around here. I prefer to help as much as I can. Bon appetite!” I dished everyone their individual portions and Miya sighed at the taste of his favorite breakfast.
“Delicious as always.” He praised and I felt my cheeks turn a bright pink color. I did that. I made him love food as much as he does now. That idea alone made me proud of myself because when I had met him he had been so terrified of food and weight gain that it squandered how food should be. Food should be delicious and it always made me light up from the inside when he told me that my food was.
“I’ll be the judge of that…” Haru tried one of our potatoes that we had both made and he gave me a double thumbs up his bracelet jingling around his wrist.
“Another home run sis, this will definitely fuel us up for competing later. Are you ever going to tell me what you’re skating to?” I shook my head with a small smirk on my face. If he wasn’t going to tell me than I’d prefer to surprise him as well.
“You’re going to have to wait and see what I’ve got planned. You have not told me what you were doing either so in general I do not have to tell you.” Miya’s comforting circles continued and I couldn’t help but melt into the touch of affection.
“Touché Saki, touché. Are you two going to study tomorrow? Can you help me too?” He whined and I nodded my head. History was one of the few areas in school where I outdid him in terms of grades.
“You did a really, really good job on breakfast today Sakura. Thank you very much.” My mom thanked me with a patient smile on his face.
“It’s no problem really. I love cooking and if my cooking can make people happy that’s all that I want.” I glanced over at Miya who had a contended smile on his face around a mouthful of watermelon salad. I’ll keep cooking for you, introducing you to new flavors and dishes. Just please, don’t move forward without me.
“That was why I opened the restaurant too, it was to feed this one since he is constantly forgetting about a little thing called quality nourishment.” My mom sighed at him and I couldn’t help but laugh at my parents interacting with each other. I knew that there was nobody in the world who loved one another more than they did.
“That’s why your portions are always so outrageously big you continue to try to make me look fatter than I already am you food pusher.” I laughed at my mom openly shaking my head. For all that my mom protested he was still really, really skinny. Almost scarily so for somebody that had basically all but retired from professional skating after his beef with Adam a few years go. I heard recently that the creep finally wound up in prison and part of me wished that he would rot there for the rest of his life.
“Can you pass me the bread please Haru?” Miya asked my brother bringing me out of my thoughts and he cut a slice of it handing it to me.
“Bread for you, bread for me.” I smiled softly at my best friend as he put some of the honey butter that we bought from the bakery. Most of the brunch was spent just with the three of us with us hyper focused on what was going to happen when we skated this afternoon.
“You’re remarkable quiet sweetheart, are you nervous?” He asked me and I nodded my head with a small smile on my face.
“A little bit. Most of the time I’m just scared that I won’t be able to achieve what I’m going after.” Miya squeezed my hand with a small smile on his face.
“I just want you to do your best out there. I love you Sakura and you’re going to be amazing out there.” My mom reminded me with a small smile on his face. I knew that he was encouraging me but I just wanted to make myself proud and Miya. It might have seemed dumb if anybody really knew why I wanted to skate today but I mostly just wanted show him that I was on the same playing field as he was.
“He’s right flower, you’ve been practicing for over a year now all on your own and even though you were a beginner skater you’ve accomplished a lot in a little amount of time. I know that you can go out there and kick some ass. All three of you can.” My dad reminded me ruffling my hair lightly with a small smile on his face.
“Are we driving you up Miya?” My best friend nodded his head sadly and I sighed a little bit. That already answered my question that had been bothering me for the last few hours, his parents weren’t going to show up.
“They’re watching it on the television at home. At least that’s what they told me, some parents right?” I clenched my fists in sheer rage but his hand squeezed one of mine.
“We’d be glad to take you with us Miya. Then afterwards we’re all coming back here for a celebration!! You are not cooking a damn thing. You already busted your cute butt making us breakfast. Dinner is my job tonight.” My dad teased me lightly and my mom swatted his lower arm lecturing him about being a creep.
“Alright dad, I’ll stay out of your kitchen tonight then. Thanks for everything.” I thanked him and he just hugged me tightly to him.
“I’m so proud of you flower. You’ve been able to do everything and manage your time so well. You’ve been working so hard while maintaining your grades as well. I knew that you could do it if you just put your mind to it. It’s been a lot for you but I know that whatever goal you’re after you’ll achieve it.” He reminded me kissing my forehead lightly before pulling my brother into the hug as well.
“Both of my kids growing up into their own individual people, I couldn’t be prouder of either of you. I know that whatever dream you both have you’ll be able to achieve it by just doing your best out there. I say that all three of you grab your boards because we’ve got a long ride ahead of us.” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face picking up my skateboard.
“Are you going to sit next to me?” I tapped my chin lightly considering Miya’s question with a small thoughtful hum.
“Well gee I don’t know…” He shoved me and I couldn’t help but laugh at my best friend putting my hands into my pockets.
“Of course I’m going to sit next to you, it’s not like I have anything else to during this hour car ride.” My best friend smiled softly at me leaning against my shoulder with a small smile on my face.
“I was just wondering if you’d rather sit with Haru…” My heart warmed at his consideration but I knew that if I sat with my brother with the way that things were right now we’d end up fighting.
“I appreciate the sentiment, thank you for checking with me first. But we really should just keep our distance for right now as much as we can anyways. I think that a majority of this car ride I’m just going to sleep if that’s alright. I’m really tired and slipping into a good food coma.” He smiled softly at me hugging me to him.
“I’ll look after you while you nap. I’ve got my friend the switch so I’ll be totally fine.” He reminded me and I went down the stairs with a small smile on my face. I slid into a booth with Miya next to me while we waited for the rest of my family. Haru came down carrying his board and I saw sloppy signature again on his board.
“Do you think that Reki will get there before us so you can test out your new board?” He asked me sitting down next to me on the other side of me.
“He’s already there! He went there last night to make sure that the board worked. Apparently him and Langa stayed in a hotel.” I heard the familiar bickering about who was going to drive before my mom yanked the keys out of my dad’s hands.
“It would be better if I drove you stupid gorilla you would just get us lost.” I laughed a little bit at my dad and his pout. My dad’s shoulder went around my shoulders with a proud grin.
“How you doing flower power? Need some sleep on the road?” I nodded my head and he pushed a lock of pink hair behind my ear.
“I’m going to sit by her.” Miya was already racing my brother to get the car and my mom sighed muttering teenage boys.
“You gotta love them mom, I call dibs on the way way back!” I climbed into the backseat of the car with a small smile on my face. Miya climbed next to me and put his arm around my shoulders as I snuggled into his side taking off my shoes.
“Any music requests?” My mom asked and I heard my dad tell him nothing too loud right as I started drifting off to sleep. I slept on Miya’s shoulder throughout the whole ride until he lightly shook my shoulder.
“Good afternoon sleeping beauty! We’re here, oh shit here comes Reki. He looks excited brace yourself he’ll probably start talking a mile a minute.” I opened my ruby eyes yawning a little bit but I saw my favorite redhead.
“Reki!” I exclaimed climbing out of the car to give him a tight hug. The bubbly redhead instantly hugged me back just as tightly.
“There’s my favorite kiddo, I’ve got your new board right here!! Check it out!!” I looked at the light blue board in front of me turning it upside down as tears came to my eyes.
“Reki…” On the bottom of the board the Fly By Night owl stared back at me. It made me feel verklempt with emotion that was riding way too high for this situation.
“That is so badass! Oh my god, the slime ball actually managed it.” Reki yanked lightly on the hem of Miya’s hoodie glaring half heartedly.
“I thought that we were past the oh he’s a slime phase.” He impersonated my best friend’s voice and I saw the stadium in front of me that looked terrifyingly intimidating.
“You can do it Sakura. If I can do it then so can you.” My brother reminded me lightly and I looked at my new board seeing a lack of foot grips on it.
“I’ve upgraded you!! You won’t need those foot grips anymore I should have taken them off way earlier.” Reki rubbed the back of his neck a little bit and I could see the excitement in his eyes when I was able to ride my new board just as well as my old one.
“Thank you Reki, so much. I don’t think that I’ll ever find a way to repay you.” He smiled brightly at me and I saw the strong and quiet Langa who was looking at the atmosphere around him.
“The board looked good. You did a great job.” He praised me and I gave him a thumbs up. My mom led my brother, Miya, and me into the stadium and got us all signed in. It was loud and extremely chaotic inside but I just put on my headphones and tuned out the rest of the world through the sounds of Rush.
“Hey, I’m up next. Come and watch! Your brother is right after me.” Miya took my hand shaking me out of my nervousness. He led me through and I saw the ramps that I would be skating on.
“Our next contestant is quite a promising one, 14 year old, Miya Chinen!!” The announcer exclaimed and my best friend grinned at me waving a little bit. I watched as he stood at the top of the ramp and the obstacle course that we would be skating.
“I decided a long time ago that I was going to skate to a song if I ever got this far. I’ve learned a lot through the person that got me into this band and they opened my heart to a whole new world of experiences.” He explained to the audience and I heard the familiar sounds of “Limelight” play across the room. I felt tears erupt in my eyes and I couldn’t keep the sob past my teeth.
“You idiot… you can’t just do this to me and expect me to ever feel good enough for you…” My brother lightly thwacked me upside the head.
“You should be calling yourself an idiot for even thinking such a ridiculous thing. He chose this because he loves you. He changed your life and brought laughter into it. You changed his life by bringing food, comfort, affection, and family into his.” As Geddy’s vocals started to ring across the arena I couldn’t help but marvel at how amazing of a skater my best friend/skateboarding teacher really was. I knew that he was good but before now I had never known what his skating would look like when you put it to music, especially not to Rush.
“This song actually really fits him when you think about it. A child prodigy at skating from too young of an age, put into the spotlight and forced to do things that no child ever should have to do. He had to put up walls around himself until you came into his life and told him that was no way to live.” My brother noted and I couldn’t help but bury my face into my brother’s side. He just wrapped his arms around me as I continued to watch Miya’s skate.
“I can’t believe that he did this for me… he didn’t have to pick Rush… he could have skated to anything.” My brother laughed at me a little bit lightly pulling on my cheek as I tried to bat his hands away from me.
“Maybe this is the way that he thought of to tell you that he wants to be more than friends with you? That he loves you?” He noted and my eyes widened as I looked at my best friend out there skating his best. Could that really be what he’s trying to tell me? Everything seemed to add up in my head. All the touches, the flirting, the constant need to look after me and make sure that I’m okay… all of it was trying to tell me in his own way that he loved me.
“And she finally gets it nearly two years later…” I shoved my brother’s side with a small smile on my face shaking my head at him.
“Well, what do you want from me? He’s gorgeous, and I’m just me.” I gestured to my hoodie, shorts and leggings. He laughed at me shaking his head lightly tutting at me.
“And to him that’s more than enough to be remarkable.” I rolled my eyes with a small smile on my face. This boy was going to be mine by the end of the day, I swear it.
“Alright, my turn, better take notes because I’m about to kick this competitions ass to the curb.” My brother bragged and I blinked owlishly as Miya came over to stand by me nervously avoiding my gaze.
“You were amazing! I was totally surprised when you pulled Limelight out. Why-Why did you do that?” He sighed a little bit running his hand through his helmet hair that he had now.
“I was trying to tell you something earlier, when your dad came in and interrupted us. But it can wait! I don’t want you to miss your brother’s skate.” He quickly shifted topics and I watched as my brother got to the top of the ramp.
“I’ve been skating since I was really little. My parents have always joked that I was born riding a board. But they couldn’t always take me when I wanted to go around the neighborhood. That job was left to my amazing older sister who has always been there for me. Even when I yelled at her or she got under my skin, even when we can’t seem to get along no matter what we do, she’s always been the person that’s believed in me the most. The one with the most encouragement that I would succeed. This skate is for her.” He explained and I heard the soft tones that I was so familiar with at this point from all the times that I had to listen to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness in the car. He smiled at me his eyes lighting up like little stars as he began to skate to the quiet song that I had grown up loving. The tears that trickled down my face were ones of infinite happiness. He had chosen this song with the purpose of me knowing that no matter what he would always be there for me. Even when I yelled at him and he yelled back, that all together meant nothing. We were siblings, we were going to fight and we were going to disagree about things often. But that also meant that we would make it through to the next day and continue to love one another as much as we did.
“He planned this out with a purpose that you’ve probably already figured out. He’s amazing…” Miya mentioned and I nodded my head as he handed me a bag of tissues that were in his hoodie pocket with a small smile on his face.
“He really, really is. I know that if he gets the offer that he’ll turn it down. This was so that I would know how much I mean to him. Is my dad recording this?” I looked up seeing a familiar mop of green hair and saw the video camera in his hands. My mom was sniffling and his eyes were red-rimmed. We could all be proud of Haru today because he had come out on top. Through everything that he had been through he had remained my overly confident younger brother. I would always do everything within my power to make sure that he knew how proud of him I was. I hugged my brother so tightly to me that I could hear him mutter too tight in a higher pitched and more breathy tone.
“Deal with it you asshole, you just made me bawl my eyes out.” I lightly flicked his forehead with a small loving smile on my face bouncing back and forth on my heels.
“We will now be doing the tryouts for the girls nationals team!!” I took a deep breath going up to the platform and suddenly the bright stage lights just hit me and I blinked at the onslaught of light.
“While most of my competitors have been skating for their entire lives that wasn’t possible for me. I had bad balance and bad visual spacial skills for a majority of my life so it made my balance flighty and weird. I learned how to rollerblade so that I could keep with my brother and so that somebody could go skating with him. I was lucky enough to have an utterly amazing teacher to educate me on the proper way to board. My teacher became my best friend and he’s the prime reason why I’m standing here today. He taught me everything I know not just about skating but how to make real genuine friends.” I explained my backstory of how I had gotten here today feeling tears come to my eyes but quickly blinking them back when I heard the intro guitar to the song that I had picked. I saw my brother laugh a little bit with a fond sparkle of I should have known written all over his face as I went down the ramp. I picked my song out of consideration for comfort over anything else since I knew that I would be nervous about what would happen if I got this far and had a sensory overload.
“Begin a day with a friendly voice, a companion unobtrusive plays that song that’s so elusive and the magic music makes your morning mood. Up on your way hit the open road there is magic at your fingers for the spirit ever lingers undermining content in your happy solitude….” Hearing Geddy’s voice along with the clapping of the entire stadium as if they had known exactly why I had picked this song above all the others lit me up inside. It hit me that a majority of these people were probably Rush fans. I was probably surrounded by the biggest congregation of Rush fans in my entire life. I did a rail slide down the ramp and landed it with practiced ease flying through the air as I went up the ramp. The wind in my hair had always been one of the countless reasons that I had loved skating so much over the last three years. It was something that could ground me but it could also compel me to do crazy things. Going through my entire routine and hearing the roaring applause from the audience, especially from the fourth row in the middle where I saw Reki, Langa, my dad, and my mom. I grinned broadly at my found family and I waved to the camera.
“That was quite the show that you just did. You will get your results after every other girl goes. Good job.” The head judge told me and I knew that even if I didn’t make it, I would still be immensely happy. I had achieved what I had come here to do. I had done my entire routine that I had practiced for so long and I had performed on the same course that Miya did. I was now on his level and I could meet him where he stood. I ran into my best friend’s arms and he caught me easily his bright beaming smile spinning me around tightly in his arms.
“I love you…” I admitted for the first time in three years and I saw his eyes widen with a small smirk on his face.
“I can’t believe that you beat me to it Sakura, don’t you know that there’s a line for these kinds of things? That the person who’s liked the other for the longest is supposed to confess first?” I blinked at him in confusion.
“How long have you-“ He laughed a little bit nervously rubbing the back of his neck with a small smile on his face and a bright pink blush.
“Since that first time you talked to me about skating…” The sheer shock of the confession caused a surprised laugh to leave me.
“I thought that you hated me back then.” He shook his head at me his sea green eyes making contact with mine I looped my arms around his neck.
“I never hated you, I thought that you were really cute. That’s why I didn’t want to be your friend at first because I thought that somebody as cute as you wouldn’t want to be friends with a moody thing like me.” I laughed brightly at him realizing just how stupid we had both been.
“Idiot…” He smiled softly at me lifting my chin up so that I could look at him, his sea green eyes flowing with emotions.
“Your idiot now, good luck getting rid of me.” He kissed my cheek with a bright pink blush on his cheeks and I heard the snap of a camera.
“Had to commemorate the moment!! You two have been making me nauseous for the last three years running it’s about time that I started to get my revenge.” I flipped my brother off and he just laughed at me.
“I’ll send you the picture and you can make it your new phone wall paper?” He offered me and I nodded my head with a small smile.
“Oh god, no not your wallpaper!” Miya put a hand over his eyes dramatically but I just smiled softly at him shaking my head. I turned my head in his arms so that I could watch the other girls skate. Most of the others definitely had more practice than I did since they were doing it for longer and could do more tricks than I could in their sleep. After all the girls had gone the judges talked amongst one another for a few minutes before they came over the loudspeaker.
“We have reconvened as your judges for the day and have come back with the people that will be on the Japanese Nationals team. This has been a rare year where two boys and one girl will be on our nationals team because a lot of us were blown away by what we saw.” I stiffened in my best friend’s arms and they tightened around me with a small smile on his face.
“That means that you have more of a chance baby!” I felt my cheeks flush at the pet name and he just smirked a little bit.
“I thought that you might like that one.” I lightly swatted his shoulder with a small sigh. I couldn’t help but have this nearly palpable nervous energy.
“For the boys we have chosen Miya Chinen and Haru Sakurayashiki.” My brother’s eyes widened and I cheered loudly for him.
“You did it Haru! You get to go on to the national team!” I encouraged him and he looked over at the stage as I retracted from Miya’s arms.
“Go and get your plaque my love.” I told him lightly pushing him forward and laughed a little bit when he adorably stumbled forward and turned to glare half heartedly at me.
“For the girls we were pleasantly surprised by one of them. Miss Sakura Nanjo, while not the most technically advanced is clearly passionate and wants to be better than those around her. She loves the sport clearly so she will be our girl to move onto the Japanese nationals team.” My eyes widened. Why had they picked me out of all the girl’s that were clearly more capable than me? I wasn’t that great technically yet and I was still mostly just learning how to do the trickier jumps. I could feel the other girl’s harsh glares sent my direction. I moved forward my knees shaking and Miya quickly handed my brother his plaque before helping me up to the podium.
“They picked you because even though the other girls were all technically very skilled they lacked the passion that you skate with. If you need me to speak personally with any of them than I will be glad to.” I smiled softly at my best friend as I took my plaque from the lead judge.
“I love you.” He told me and my heart threatened to beat right out of my chest. It went flying into the hands of somebody that I knew would take good care of it. I wound my arms around his neck and gave him my first kiss. While there were not fireworks going off in that moment every inch of me felt warm and contented. I felt the zings of happiness and electricity going between the two of us that made me feel all warm and sticky like melted caramel.
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secretlyatargaryen · 5 years
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I'm that poster that sent you that asked about Cat and Sansa's favoritism. I didn't ask you question to start another Arya versus Sansa circle-jerk. I looking at Sansa's relationship with her parents on micro level. There is not much textual to support Cat favoring Sansa over Arya, but there is textual support for Ned favoring Arya over Sansa. My Ned issues might flared-up, and that's why my ask came across as me trying to pit Sansa against Arya. Sorry about that.
Well, sorry for accusing you, but I did not say that Sansa was favored over Arya. I said that Sansa was favored as the dutiful daughter and perfect lady, and she was.
“Sansa was a lady at three, always so courteous and eager to please. She loved nothing so well as tales of knightly valor. Men would say she had my look, but she will grow into a woman far more beautiful than I ever was, you can see that. I often sent away her maid so I could brush her hair myself. She had auburn hair, lighter than mine, and so thick and soft … the red in it would catch the light of the torches and shine like copper.
“And Arya, well … Ned’s visitors would oft mistake her for a stableboy if they rode into the yard unannounced. Arya was a trial, it must be said. Half a boy and half a wolf pup. Forbid her anything and it became her heart’s desire. She had Ned’s long face, and brown hair that always looked as though a bird had been nesting in it. I despaired of ever making a lady of her. She collected scabs as other girls collect dolls, and would say anything that came into her head. I think she must be dead too.” When she said that, it felt as though a giant hand were squeezing her chest.
Obviously Catelyn loves both of her daughters, and again, it’s not a contest, and I feel like you’re still trying to make it one. But the Catelyn quote above IS textual evidence that shows great love for both her daughters, but also shows how she viewed them next to each other, and it does show that she considered Sansa to be the perfect image of a lady, and gave her special attention because of that.
Here’s another quote that shows Catelyn comparing the two girls and thinking about how Sansa is a perfect lady, where Arya needs work.
Sansa would shine in the south, Catelyn thought to herself, and the gods knew that Arya needed refinement.
I’m not trying to say Catelyn loved Arya less because of it, and I think metas about that are bonkers. I’ve seen a lot of metas by both Arya and Sansa fans about which child was loved best, and tbh, it’s bullshit. However, Sansa WAS considered by her parents to be the more perfect child, and Arya IS unfavorably compared to her sister because of her lack of ability to fit gender expectations.
And since someone else also brought up Catelyn’s favorite child being Bran, I guess that comes from this quote, which, is the sentence right after the one I previously quoted.
Reluctantly, she let go of them in her heart. But not Bran. Never Bran. “Yes,” she said, “but please, Ned, for the love you bear me, let Bran remain here at Winterfell. He is only seven.”
I can see why people could point to this quote especially to say Catelyn’s favorite child is Bran, but I still think it’s pretty silly. I don’t think either Ned or Cat had favorite children, and I think it’s weird and creates unnecessary drama to try and argue it. Because parenthood should never be a contest about which child is the favorite. As far as why Catelyn says this about Bran, she tells us in the quote. Bran’s her baby. He’s not the baby of the family, but he’s the youngest boy after Rickon, who is still literally a baby. He’s past babyhood but not yet a man. He’s in a position where in his society he’s beginning to be pushed into manhood - shown in how this story begins, with Ned bringing Bran to his first beheading (and I’ve talked before about how much I hate that SEVEN is considered the ripe age to witness a beheading, but whatev.) Catelyn can “let go” of sending her girls to the capital because girls are supposed to exist in the social sphere, and are raised with the purpose of joining another family. So Catelyn’s prepeared to let her girls go South, but Bran, her little boy on the cusp of manhood? She wants him to be a boy a little longer.
Now, do I think this viewpoint is damaging? Hell yeah I do, both to boys and girls, to consider girls as disposable and valuable for their ability to perform femininity and raise them with the mindset that they will soon enough leave the family and belong to some other man, and to treat boys as already grown men and not to allow them to have childhoods. Do I think this means Catelyn loves Bran the best? No, I don’t. This is also before Bran’s fall causes Catelyn to need him. But what I think it means is that she wants to hold on to that sweet, childish boy a little longer, because she knows what her society does to boys. She also knows what that society does to girls, and she knows it first hand, but again, I think her own upbringing comes into play here. Because she was the dutiful child, who grew up to be a woman who always knew her duty, with her daughters she is more resigned to the fact that they have to grow up and leave her. I think that’s what’s going on here. That’s also why I think she values so much Sansa’s ability to be the perfect, dutiful lady. It’s what SHE had to do, and although, as I’ve said before, she has her own problems with it, and her own trauma, she doesn’t know another way to live, and she’s also aware of how women are punished if they don’t conform. I think there’s a mixture of that in her thoughts about Sansa and Arya. That’s also why she calls out Robb when he won’t trade Jaime for the girls, and her thoughts on Sansa being married to Tyrion show that she fears the worst, because she knows what this society does to girls. She’d hoped, I think, that Sansa could find a good husband, the way she did, if she were always the dutiful lady, the way she was. But she knows what the worst scenario is. Which I think is both why she values Sansa’s ability to be a lady and worries for Arya.
I also am opposed to this discussion about Catelyn’s “favorite child” because I feel like there is more of a tendency to analyze Catelyn’s POV because she’s the mother. I think this is also a problem with the way GRRM writes her. Ned never has any monologues where he explains to the reader how he feels about each child. Ned’s feelings come out more organically in the narrative so they’re a little harder to parse.
I’ve seen the metas about how Arya is Ned’s favorite and they mostly use as proof that Ned sat and had that discussion with Arya about getting along with Sansa and about the danger in King’s Landing, where he apparently had no such discussion with Sansa, or if he did, it was offscreen. But I don’t think he felt the need to have that discussion with Sansa, because again, Sansa is the good girl. I think a lot of the criticisms leveled at Ned are that he let Sansa be naive, which I can see, but I think that’s because Sansa is supposed to be naive, she’s supposed to be the good girl, she’s supposed to do her duty. And there’s a strong social connection between femininity and purity, so I think Ned probably assumed that Sansa’s naivete was normal, or kept it that way on purpose, because pretty, pure, naive girls are valued and adored.
Arya, on the other hand, fails at being a lady. I think part of why Arya is less naive in certain respects than Sansa is because she didn’t grow up being idealized by people around her. So that could be a reason Ned finds it easier to talk to her and to be open with her. Arya is not an idealized image of femininity and thus less seen as in need of protection. I guess you could make a case that Ned finds it easier to relate to Arya because of this. 
You could also say that Ned blundered with Sansa during the Trident incident because he expected that it would be fairly straightforward to have her tell the truth in front of everyone. But Sansa is much more introverted than Arya. There’s also the fact that Sansa has increased social pressure to take Joffrey’s side, which Ned does understand, because he tells Arya so. Now, I guess Ned could have taken that information and spoke up during the incident, and maybe said “My daughter is hesitant to speak against her betrothed, but here’s what she told me in private…” But Ned is like Sansa in that he is also more introverted, so maybe that’s why he didn’t. And I think the situation quickly spiraled out of control from there because of the stronger personalities of Arya, Joffrey, Robert, and Cersei. And I’ve spoken about this before but I really get annoyed when people try and point blame over what happened at the Trident at anyone other than Joffrey and Cersei, because the whole thing is a huge clusterfuck and the people who are ultimately responsible are the people who know what really happened but who think they have the right to steamroll over people. Secondly would be Robert, who is king, and just didn’t want to take the responsibility to deal with finding out the truth, which I do blame him for, more harshly than if it were a mistake made by someone else, because again, he is the king.
I’m looking for text evidence that Ned favored Arya over Sansa and frankly, I don’t see any. I do see, like with Catelyn’s POV, a lot of idealization of Sansa as an innocent. Which supports the reading that Ned sees Arya as less naive and feels like he can be frank with her more. But also supports the reading that Sansa is favored as the perfect image of a lady, which is what my initial argument was. And in Ned’s thoughts about Sansa’s innocence and purity, there’s an interesting connection.
He could still hear Sansa pleading, as Lyanna had pleaded once. 
Ned usually associates Lyanna with Arya, but what he associates with Lyanna here is Sansa’s “pleading.” Sansa’s innocence. Sansa as an idealized, feminine victim in need of protection.
Which in fact gets to what I think is the most distilled description of Ned’s thoughts on Sansa, which is what he says about Lady.
He left the room with his eyes burning and his daughter’s wails echoing in his ears, and found the direwolf pup where they chained her. Ned sat beside her for a while. “Lady,” he said, tasting the name. He had never paid much attention to the names the children had picked, but looking at her now, he knew that Sansa had chosen well. She was the smallest of the litter, the prettiest, the most gentle and trusting. She looked at him with bright golden eyes, and he ruffled her thick grey fur.
He is describing Sansa’s direwolf, of course, but not only is the direwolf a reflection of their owner, but he’s REALLY describing Sansa here. This description IS Sansa. The lady, the prettiest, the most gentle and trusting. Which is why it’s so sad and why Lady’s death affects Ned so much. Why he has her buried at Winterfell and wants to protect Lady from Cersei even in her death.
I think Ned also tried to preserve Sansa’s innocence and gentleness and belief in stories once they got to King’s Landing out of a love for that in her.
He had promised to watch the final tilts with Sansa; Septa Mordane was ill today, and his daughter was determined not to miss the end of the jousting.
Ned Stark would have loved nothing so well as to see them both lose, but Sansa was watching it all moist-eyed and eager. 
Ned is sort of watching this with disdain, and thinks Sansa’s idealizing of it is kind of silly, but then the idealist in Ned comes out, too.
By then Gregor was striding down the lists toward Ser Loras Tyrell, his bloody sword clutched in his fist. “Stop him!” Ned shouted, but his words were lost in the roar. Everyone else was yelling as well, and Sansa was crying.
This isn’t just about protecting Sansa, it’s about Ned’s own values and what he thinks is right. So maybe Ned loves Sansa’s idealism not just because she’s a perfect lady, but because of his own sense of justice and belief in goodness.
By contrast, I think he admired certain things in Arya that Sansa didn’t have: Arya’s forthrightness and her lack of caring for what other people thought. Which is why you have that scene in Sansa’s POV of her thinking jealously of how Ned accepted wildflowers from Arya and didn’t even punish her for being unladylike. This is actually a really interesting scene because even though it highlights Arya’s lack of ladylike qualities, Arya is bringing her father flowers which IS a very feminine thing to do. And the reason this is something she did for Ned is because Ned has that complicated relationship with femininity because of his love for his own sister. And I’ve talked before about how Lyanna is idealized in the text, by Ned and others, both for being the perfect pure lady victim AND for being a romanticized, wild figure. This creates a really complicated dynamic between Ned, Arya and Sansa. I also think there is more to say about how Ned’s more subdued personality was shaped by his relationship to the stronger personalities of Lyanna and Brandon, and I think you could connect that to how he relates to Sansa and Arya, especially in the Trident scene where he expects Sansa to speak up and she doesn’t, but can’t himself speak for her or doesn’t know how to comfort her, and then has that long talk with Arya in private about what happened, I think because Arya’s anger and outspokenness was very Lyanna-like to him.
So no, I don’t think Ned favored Arya over Sansa, I think he loved different things about both his daughters. And I do think that what I originally said is true, not that Sansa was the favorite child of either of her parents (I don’t think either of them had a “favorite child”, tbh), but that the thing Sansa was favored for was her ability to be the perfect lady and dutiful daughter. Which also kind of sounds like I’m saying that her parents were shallow or that they objectified her or that their love for her was shallow. I don’t think innocence and kindness and softness, idealism and belief in goodness, are shallow traits. I think Sansa should be valued for those traits. I think they’re very good traits. But I also think there’s a gendered expectation for women to have those traits and I think both Ned and Catelyn participated in society’s favoring of ladylike and dutiful qualities in girls.
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rannadylin · 7 years
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Time for a questionnaire meme
Tagged by @fangmich and it’s been a while since I did one of these so…why not!
Also I was just starting to type up my answers to these last night when a crazy thunderstorm hit and the power went out for over four hours. :-( Then this morning the internet was still out for a couple of hours after I got up, more aftereffects of the storm no doubt. So I might be tempting fate by again attempting to answer these but here we go anyway!
Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.
LAST:
1. Drink: Durance’s tea blend, Magran’s Fire! (Yesterday it was Eder’s Sun God Cider and it would have also been Kana’s Rauatai Sweet Pie but I am almost out of that because it’s so good. I have a reorder of it coming today, if the tracking info is correct…) 2. Phone call: Frontier support to report my internet being out. :-( (Fortunately I got a very nice customer service lady who took care of everything more swiftly than expected, and hey, internet’s back now!)  3. Text message: to my mother telling her I might be visiting her today if the internet didn’t come back on… 4. Song you listened to: Technically the Pillars of Eternity soundtrack while playing the game yesterday, but if we’re not counting that…my local radio station does this thing they call Bluegrass Wednesday where they play I Saw the Light to wake us all up on Wednesday mornings and that was going on while I drove to the grocery store. This week they played two versions and asked callers to vote – David Crowder which they usually use, and the original Hank Williams Sr version. 5. Time you cried: Probably at church? I tear up a lot at certain songs. Although usually not when I’m one of the ones playing them, so it would be one of the Sundays that the youth group worship team led the songs instead of Team Pastor’s Family (i.e. my mom on piano, my sister on drums, me on flute, plus an organist and some singers unrelated to us, plus my dad, the pastor, usually singing also).
HAVE YOU:
6. Dated someone twice: I have not really dated someone once unless we count going steady in junior high and when you’re too young to actually go out somewhere with the boyfriend, I’m not counting it… 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I’ve kissed no one, so, nope 8. Been cheated on: This is also beyond my experience 9. Lost someone special: Oh certainly. Two grandparents so far, and a few years ago a very dear friend who wasn’t a teacher, yet was a sort of teaching mentor to me in our state JCL (Latin club!). Here we are getting ready for the annual trip to JCL convention in a week (!!!) and it still hits me once in a while, when I see the state t-shirt from the last convention trip he was here for and so on. 10. Been depressed: I am fortunate to have not had to deal with clinical depression. Life has its ups and downs (getting diagnosed with diabetes five years ago was one of the lows for sure…) but I’ve never felt hopeless, stuck in a low that would never improve. Honestly my faith is a big part of this – God is my hope and comfort when life is overwhelming. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Alcohol, like dating, is beyond my experience. This is what life is when you grow up as a pastor’s kid with a pretty much lawful good alignment in RL. :-D
LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
12-14: PURPLE AND GOLD! Well, that’s JCL colors, anyway. Purple is one of my favorites, also dark green, and…for a third…well I think I have more handknit socks in the blue range than anything? I am very mardi gras here.
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: Sure! Mind you, I don’t tend to form deep friendships very often but I do form firendly acquaintances pretty easily. I’ve made friends on tumblr and with some Latin teachers I met at the conference I went to last month. 16. Fallen out of love: Not really sure I’ve ever really fallen in; see above re: dating. Crushes and falling out of crushes, certainly. 17. Laughed until you cried: I’m sure I have? Probably at family gatherings. I have goofy relatives. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Hello, I teach high schoolers? They are always talking about me. I usually assume there’s a base level of complaining about grades or discipline going on (some of which the offended student makes sure I can hear, yay), but I’ve also been pleasantly surprised by people (a fellow teacher as well as friends of current students) in the past year telling me they’ve heard good things about my teaching. (Current students’ friends who said so are taking my class next year, I think…Yay!) 19. Met someone who changed you: Sure. E.g. I’ve grown a lot more confident from hanging out with my very outgoing (and bossy :-D) best friend (and fellow teacher until we both left that school within the last few years… 20. Found out who your friends are: I am not at all sure what this is asking. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Nope, see above re: dating
GENERAL:
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I don’t generally make or accept friend requests unless I already know the person. Some are just acquaintances through work or the network of Latin teachers, or former students who were on trips to JCL convention with our group, etc. so I don’t often see them in person, but there’s only a handful I haven’t actually met at some point. 23. Do you have any pets: Alas, no, the apartment complex doesn’t allow pets. I had a cat at my last place but she went to live with my parents and she’s more my Dad’s pet than mine now. 24. Do you want to change your name: In true Anne Shirley fashion? :-) I used to be less content with my name than I am now. Now, I’m like whatever. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Taught? Probably? Was it even a weekday? 26. What time did you wake up: Around 7 today, eager to see if the power had come back on (it had!) and also the internet (it hadn’t!) 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Finally asleep by then, I think, after hours of waiting for power to come back on. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Deadfire (Gotta agree with you on this one, @fangmich!) 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: On the way home from family trip to see Grandma on Monday 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Not being diabetic would be swell! 31. What are you listening to right now: Silence 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Had a great student by that name years ago. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: It was the lack of internet but now we’re good. Students interrupting class will ALWAYS get on my nerves though… 34. Most visited website: Definitely tumblr these days.
RANDOM INFO:
35. Mole/s: Nope 36. Mark/s: A few stray freckles? 37. Childhood dream: Teacher. Or writer. Went with the first, now I don’t have time to professionally pursue the second! 38. Hair color: Brown and ridiculously curly. Yes, curly is a color. 39. Long or short hair: Long 41. What do you like about yourself: I might actually sound pretty arrogant if I seriously started listing things. I’m just a “look on the bright side” sort of person and I like a lot of things about myself as an active choice. *shrug* Most of the things I’d list have to do with creativity – writing, knitting, fluting. 42. Piercings: None 43. Blood type: You know I should actually know this by now, huh? I know my most recent A1C (6.4, not bad for diabetic) but have no idea my blood type. 44. Nickname: Besides forms of my actual name? Well, students call me Magistra… (Latin for teacher) 45. Relationship status: Confirmed Old Maid :-) 46. Zodiac: Virgo  47. Pronouns: she/her (but actually I’m pretty fond of ipsa, and eadem gives me headaches as it does all Latin students…sorry sorry, I know this question is about gender but I see “pronouns” and I think of grammar and those chapters that throw all of the pronouns at the kids at once so we call it the Death By Pronouns unit...Look y’all, I’m female but also a grammarian. That’s right, my gender is Grammarian.) 48. Favorite TV Show: Don’t have an actual TV so I watch things on the Internet. Does Critical Role count? If not, I’ve also watched Doctor Who recently. 49. Tattoos: None 50. Right or left hand: Right 51. Surgery: Had a pilonidal cyst removed in my teens. 52. Hair dyed in different color: Never. I do not mess with my hair. The curls would take revenge. 53. Sport: Marching Band totally counts and apart from that I am the least sporty of humans. 55. Vacation: Would love to spend it in Italy more often (yay Latin teaching perks) if I can get enough students to go. Otherwise – JCL convention! And other school-related trips… 56. Pair of trainers: Skechers? Does that count? 
MORE GENERAL:
57. Eating: Like right now? I…had a muffin and yogurt and strawberries for breakfast? Lunch is TBD. 58. Drinking: I am a water drinker (so I guess I don’t write poetry) but also, lots of tea! And recently I have started drinking coffee (gasp!) because Mom has been providing coffee & breakfast for our Sunday School class and I enjoyed the coffee that first Sunday so I guess she has corrupted me now. 59. I’m about to: Catch up on everything I missed (tumblr, the Deadfire Q&A, etc.) while the internet was out.  61. Waiting for: My Adagio tea order with the rest of my Pillars of Eternity tea samples and a reorder of Kana’s and Iselmyr’s delicious blends! 62. Want: A teaching salary that makes it more likely I could afford to actually retire someday?  63. Get married: Used to assume I would, but see above re: Confirmed Old Maid – I’m content with being single, these days. A potential spouse would have to be pretty awesome to outweigh how fond I’ve grown of my solitude. 64. Career: I’m content with classroom teaching, most of the time. Not really interested in administration. Doubtful I could make a living as a writer, especially with my insurance needs nowadays. In my first teaching job, I was certain I’d be there till I retired. Then they had budget cuts and I had to switch schools if I wanted (I did!) to keep teaching Latin. Second job was burnout waiting to happen – after five years I switched to my current school, and once again I could see myself retiring here. If, of course, my deadbeat pancreas and I can afford that.
WHICH IS BETTER:
65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs have a wider appeal, but see above re: dating/kissing status, so I’m not really one to speak to this 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes 67. Shorter or taller: Shorter, I guess, for I am short and am not really as amused by height differences as most of tumblr appears to be? 68. Older or younger: At my age I’m not sure it matters so much 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: WELL you know that post celebrating Aloth’s arms… 71. Sensitive or loud:  Sensitive. Loud would totally fail to outweigh my fondness of solitude. Introvert here needs her quiet time, please. 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant, I guess?
HAVE YOU EVER:
74. Kissed a Stranger: No 75. Drank hard liquor: No 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: In all my years of glasses…probably? Not that I recall? 77. Turned someone down: Yes 78. Sex on the first date: Wouldn’t if given the opportunity 79. Broken someone’s heart: Unlikely 80. Had your heart broken: My heart has generally avoided the risks that would lead to breaking, see above re: Old Maid 81. Been arrested: No 82. Cried when someone died: Of course 83. Fallen for a friend: …Temporarily? Never went anywhere
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
84. Yourself: To an extent – I mean, I know my limits. 85. Miracles: Absolutely 86. Love at first sight: Not my style but I’m sure it happens 87. Santa Claus: I like stories but I know they’re stories… 88. Kiss on the first date: Probably not
OTHER:
90. Current best friend name: Amanda! (Which is Latin for She Who Must Be Loved and it’s true) 91. Eye color: I’d like to say Grey but I think they’re more of greyish Blue. 92. Favorite movie: Star Wars. Or The Princess Bride. Or Lord of the Rings.
I’m going to just leave this with an open tag instead of naming anyone. If you want to answer these, go for it and tag me so I can get to know you better too!
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technicallymedia · 6 years
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Meet Christopher Wink: an interview with Technically Media’s Cofounder/CEO
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What did you think of Brian James Kirk when you first met him and when were you like "yeah dude I wanna be partners in business with you for the next 9+ years"
I first met @brianjameskirk as undergrads at our college newspaper and I absolutely saw Brian as this stoner designer dude. He saw me as a preppy kiss ass. It took a year for us to come together. We’ve grown and changed together a ton. Here we are now!
What were you like as a teen, were you nice to nerds?
I was surely the nerd to some myself. I think I had become a decent dude by high school. In contrast, I was a bit of a brat in elementary and middle school. I was always an "involved" person but by my teens I was likely even more similar to how I am now: I said a lot of ridiculous things and always had some scheme or project. I think that and playing sports (basketball and soccer) let me dip into several social groups.
When are you running for office and what's your policy platform?
If I'm running for office (which is clearly not in any immediate horizon for me), my platform would be very centrist-y and trying to make the word "compromise" distinct from "compromised." Historically social movements have lasted when they've been about gaining widespread popular opinion. Economic development through entrepreneurship would be a focus.
Who is your favorite person besides Shannon and Brian James Kirk?
My father is deeply influential on me, I’ve traveled on annual road trips with my childhood friend Michael. Considering what you’re asking me, Patrick BIG TIMBS McNeil is my best friend and would likely be the person I have the most intimacy beyond Shannon and Brian James Kirk.
What's one thing you never expected to be hard about starting a company?
I think I remain surprised by how many decisions are neither the RIGHT nor WRONG one but instead are simply choices. Choices that WILL hurt someone and help someone else. I find clean decisions are very rare. Life is messy and you get put in a position of guess work. Growing a company is 1,000 choices that in the moment no one very much agrees on.
What's your spirit animal?
Spirit animal. I'm gonna be real with you, I'm v into the domestic house cat. But I might go with a nurse shark because they look fierce but they actually don't kill, they're just kinda badass. I saw a bunch of them while snorkeling off the coast of Belize last year and was blown away.
What did running with the bulls in Pamplona feel like and was it worth it?
Running with the bulls probably best travel decision of my life. The moments before it started was the most scared I had felt in a "safe" public place.
Gratuitous video of part of it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziZyUa9Dt24
You're tall as hell dude, did you ever consider playing basketball ? I'm thinking you coulda played small forward at a Div 2 school at least bruh.
I played basketball growing up and into high school! Last night I was telling the story that so crystallizes the kinds of relationships I tend to have. When I was a senior, we had an exceptional point guard (1k+ career points) and so my entire job as the other guard was to just give him the ball and then go play defense. Late that season against our arch rivals, the team came out and started immediately double teaming him. I was open a lot and got hot and scored 20 points in the first half (mind you, I’m maybe averaging 7 points per game). At halftime my closest high school friend says to me "I guarantee you don't score another point in this game." .......He was correct
Did you win a high school superlative? If so, did you ask people to vote for you?
Yes! I was "Class Clown" and "Most Involved. " I was runner up for "Most Likely to Succeed" and still plan on surpassing that friend to own it. Admittedly, I went to a pretty small school :)
What's your favorite Technical.ly memory to date
Favorite Technical.ly memory to date. Real talk, I always have a favorite moment that happened in the last few weeks because I really seriously no BS love the evolution and growth and seeing us get better together. So always a v recent thing is my favorite memory. But because I don't think that's really what you want meant to say, I'll instead say the kickoff of Philly Tech Week 2013 when we did our first outdoor kickoff and after we almost finished the later-Guinness Book of World Records confirmed world's largest video game by playing Pong on the Cira Center, a torrential storm crashed over us. This photo is @brianjameskirk Corinne Warnshuis, Juliana Reyes, Andrew Zaleski and I holding tarps over arcade games we had rented and were afraid we’re gonna get destroyed
Can we get an office dog? just met a really cute Australian shepherd puppy
Communities are platforms on which collective action can take place. You are empowered to gain consensus among the team and keep, maintain and care for a dog, yes.
What advice do you give 21 year old CGW?
Advice I'd give 21-year-old CGW? (1) Do not self-deprecate needlessly. (2) Start a focus on email subscribers sooner with Technical.ly (3) Do more family stuff
What's your favorite story that's ever run in any of our markets/brands?
Favorite story that has run in our markets, I'm gonna go with two because there have been thousands. Off-hand, the Tyler Woods Startup Founder on Welfare story stuck with me and I think about it a lot. Yes, it isss probably something that would run elsewhere but it felt v much OF us, like a relationship built because of deep ties that was trying to be REAL about something. PRODUCTIVE https://technical.ly/brooklyn/2016/01/12/inside-welfare-office-anonymous-startup-founder/
And I'd sadly point to a byline of mine but more because of what it was for the org as a whole. This piece was a big pivot point for us
https://technical.ly/philly/2011/04/25/how-open-data-philly-got-done/
When we were INVOLVED in launching OpenDataPhilly and I can't underscore how WEIRD that was. We had a lot of internal conversations, including @brianjameskirk and I about whether it was OK that we had reported on WHAT the city needed and could we be INVOLVED In it
I think about the full disclosure at the top of that story a lot. It threw us into a lot of open data and civic conversations, but it also set up HOW we approached being a PART Of our community. I think not long after we changed the tagline to "Better Cities through Technology"
Fave place you've traveled
I lived in Tokyo for a bit less than a year and so fitting in my interest in time to get to know a place, that stands out to me a bunch. It is this international city so it’s so easy to go and it not be special but living in a neighborhood and having neighbors and a grocery shop was really profound. I did so much writing and reading it was profound. It was also where I first started as a bicycle commuter.
What's the most embarrassing professional moment you've ever had and, I guess, what did you learn from it?
Early on, I remember not knowing what SaaS was during an interview and I fumbled my faking it and it resulted in several weeks of me having nightmares of being on CNBC for an interview and embarrassing us all. So I got obsessed with returning to a basic business and tech background, preparing for disruptive questions
If you could pick, what would be your superpower?
Invisibility always stands out to me as lowkey powerful. But maybe SUPER LINGUAL, like, where I could speak any and all languages
What was the most hilarious/ridiculous thing that happened to you in a professional moment?
My oft-cited memory of me finding out I had a giant hole in the crotch of my only pair of thrift store khakis after I had sat down w/ my first big client meeting (that is the rock bottom moment that turned around my relationship with clothes)
Is the future of journalism bright or dreary?
Journalism bright or dreary? Yah, for me, journalism is a THING you do, like producing software open source, so I think its future is super bright, so long as there are practitioners like us passionate about its utility. I was able to pull five-county criminal records last night in an hour online for this story I'm reporting. I am better sourced because of web tools, so journalism is easier to do. Building it into business models (like we're doing,) that is really hard and it's the most important thing I think I'm working on but the strategy of making public information that is true accurate and helps other people is v bright
What's your inbox at rn?
Ooff, rn I'm inbox 64, with 25 unread!!! It has been a busy yesterday and this morning. I'll leave today with that at 20~ with all read and w/ necessary actions cleaned up in Asana.
What's the next Chris Wink side project after the retirement of Story Shuffle?
I came to reporting from the writing side first. There is nothing I love more in the world than writing. In the last 18-months I've been picking back up some creative writing and so I'll be putting some real time into getting a few modest pieces published on that form. I def self-identify still as a journalist but really, more than reporting, it's the writing I love. I want to move a bigger effort there (Story Shuffle was always part of that longer term strategy too )
You're good at talking about yourself and exceptionally self-aware. Advice for knowing when to STFU and when to dig deeper?
I think journalism training is soooooo good for self-discovery. I think it really starts with accepting yourself. You'll get teased for (as I do) for being self-referential or self-involved but I think it's really important to be able to say I REALLY LIKE THESE THINGS ABOUT ME but also be able to say THESE ARE THINGS I REALLY WISH I WAS BETTER AT. And then attacking both of those with questions. You can internally interview yourself like you would. I want to be able to understand why I am good at some stuff and why I'm crummy at other stuff. Self-improvement is v cool,but it starts w/ some self-love.
Do you like being surprised?  
Nah, I don't like being surprised. It's probably part of the whole reporting love. I want to be the one who knows stuff, not surprised.
If you were not the CEO of Technically Media, what would you be doing?
If not in my job now? Realistically, probably a reporter somewhere, likely in/around politics/government. Less likely but relevant, maybe ended up cofounding a dif kind of company or in some other purely writing role.
When you come back into the office can you show us your signature dance move?
I assume you mean my interpretive dance performance "Swallowed frog." No! I'm all for embarrassing shit WITHOUT CAMERAS. I say let people live and be silly and keep the cameras for things strangers can see. Intimacy doesn't do well w/ recorded archives
Best marriage advice?
Take a half-hour walk every single night together.
When did you get your first phone? What type of phone was it? What was your background picture? And, did you have a ringback tone (if so, what song).
I got my first phone when I was a sophomore in high school (!) when I got my learner's permit for driving. I remember using a pay phone to get picked up as an 8th grader. I'm pretty sure that phone literally did not support background images or ringtones.
Been wanting to visit Tokyo for years. Any tips for traveling there?
Tokyo (Edo) was constructed over time as a medieval place to protect from attack, so the streets intentionally do not make sense. It's the opposite of Center City. (London got confusing just over time, Tokyo is intentionally built as a confusing fucking place to navigate. ....So def have .GPS access...or don't and just leave time for getting lost. Eat at every ramen shop under a train stop. The tiniest old men with craggy faces and expressionless smiles will serve you at the counter and then bow, and you will bow in return. It will be nice.  Fun Tokyo story we've already talked about, I was part of a lil NBCU pilot online reality show jawn and I got lost in all the episodes
Who's a person outside of Technical.ly (or Shannon) you would turn to for management advice?
I talk to my father weekly on the phone and I find his perspective interesting. He works at a small concrete, stone and tile manufacturing company and I find his perspective on what is normal in the workplace. I also have always been moved by his pragmatism and quiet generosity.
What motivates you?
It is v internal facing. I am v demanding of myself to be better than I was before. I don't like things that I don't understand how to get better at. So: to be a better version of myself than I was. Shannon and I talk about that: that we're supposed to keep becoming better versions of ourselves for the other
Who are the top 3 journos out there you would pay / do pay to read?
So the Economist famously does not have bylines so I don't think I could name one but I am a very happy proud longtime print subscriber so surely someone there. I truly love the ways we approach storytelling here, so those bylines from Julie Zeglen Stephen b Tyler Woods Tony Abraham Juliana Holly Quinn Zack Seward etc, do mean alot to me, I would consume them. ...And, yeah, I'm a George Saunders fanboy and so I like when he's been pulled into doing fun profiles
Name three Philly tech scenesters you're truly fond of / name one that you... could do without?
Robert J. Moore and Jon Gosier on the founder front, I'm v impressed w/ them and always feel smarter when I talk to them. (Garrett Melby is that too). I make no secret that I have a real soft spot for Archna, whom I long found one of the most under-celebrated for her relative impact. And on the v young front: Dawn McDougall. I think she took a v mature pathway to not wanting a full-time director role for Code for Philly because she wanted to gain some experience at an org. She showed some power. For someone to get rid of? I don't think I can put that in writing.
What's the main reason Yuriy Poritko fascinates you?
Two things on the Yuriy front (for others, he's a Philly organizer who has been around forever and I'm writing a lil something on him that's gonna run next week). I try to write something for one of our markets every six weekssss~ and so I always wanted to do something on him just because he is eccentric and colorful. So it started just that he is interesting. But then other pieces started coming together, and I started putting more time into it once I wrote my nut graf. I found that I could connect him to a bigger/broader lesson that I think other communities face too. So (a) he's interesting and (b) he does represent something. He has caused some real pain and damage, but he has done genuine good. I don't find EVIL or GOOD characters interesting. I think people who are complex and complicated are far more challenging to write. I am not aiming to judge the man in this piece, I’m aiming to better understand why he is who he is. I think that’s the kind of community reporting and business journalism I love most.
What do you do when you’re bored?
I’d say I can’t remember the last time I was bored but I know what ya mean. I watch a ton of science and history Youtube videos when I’m eating at home. I also am basically always tryyyyying to write, whether that be my iPhone notes app open or scribbling in a pad. ..Also Twitter is an incredible place to learn if you curate your followers thusly :slightly_smiling_face:
What are your thoughts on early let outs on Fridays before national holidays?
:eye-roll: Seriously I always find those questions weird, I am not tracking anyone's hours, never have been! Get your shit done. Work hard! Do your time most weeks and take time for you other times. It's so simple, if you're doing good work and giving :100: and build a relationship of trust with your team, then choose when it's right for you. I guess I can do a better job of communicating that but there is no magic time that you can work toward and I am HAPPY. If you're supporting your team and doing great work and you are EXCITED About being here, I don’t think anyone says anything. So, idk, go home!
How about some book recommends for another avid reader?
I am not a fast reader, my wife has me beat. I'm trying to simply get back to a book a month (have a resolution of reading a writer of color for the first time each month this year) and not nailing that but I loved Zadie Smith's throwback White Teeth.
Who here is most likely in 10 yrs to write the book on Technically Media?
Probably you [Cary Betagole, Senior Product Manager). You have a low key historian's view and a smart distance
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